how do you tell your parents about being transgendered

[Everyone]

and what were their reactions?

Mine already know, even though I never told them. My dad seems ok with it, but my mom is pretending not to know. So I'm gonna wait a while to actually say it out loud.

[Lachlann]

I just told them. Was pretty blunt about it.

My dad didn't react well, my mom didn't know what to think. That was the extent of it, really.

[LordKAT]

Never told mine.

[MalcolmAllen]

Well I did it the wrong way; I started dressing differently and they eventually questioned me.  They were more upset than they would have been if I had been straightforward with them.

[Berren]

I had to write it down to tell my mum, then she told my dad for me about a day or so later.
My mum's reaction was just asking me a lot of questions (she still does) and saying that she accepts me for whatever I want to be.
My dad isn't angry with me as such, but I know he doesn't like the idea of me presenting male. Still calls me by irritating girly nicknames, probably on purpose.

[Silver]

At some point, I was pretty depressed. I didn't know if my parents noticed, but they did almost certainly. I was dressing in a not-feminine manner but they never forced it out (well, maybe nearly once for unrelated behavior. She thought I was gay because I walked my SO home. Said I was playing the male role in the relationship, she used to see us a lot and I thought it was pretty funny.)

I just told them rather awkwardly in the middle of the night. Dad wasn't well versed in trans issues and mom tried to ignore her conservative upbringing. Now that they know more, they're totally supportive although I wouldn't bet on your parents being as nice about it as mine were. I seem to be a lucky exception.

[James-Alen]

Well I did it the wrong way; I started dressing differently and they eventually questioned me.  They were more upset than they would have been if I had been straightforward with them.

similar story here. I told my step mom in a bawling fit after she berated me for not being female enough, for like the hundredth time. Now she just makes fun of me for it. I'm not sure if my dad knows via her or not, but he doesn't seem to. i don't plan to tell him or my extended family until I start therapy, for some reason I see that as potential to make it easier.

My mom basically said she couldn't care less what or who I was, as long as I was me. it was surprising how lovingly and accepting she took it, though I imagine she's a smidgen disappointed to lose her 'daughter'

[harlee]

I wrote something to my mum as well, cause I have a really hard time saying how I feel out loud She did tell my dad for me, but about a week later. I told them 3 or 4 months back now and we have only ever talked about the issue twice  They take me to a psychologist and dont mention a thing after that. I reckon my mum feels that if she ignores it, thatll the problem will go away. I told her that "I dont want to be called she" but all my mum comes back with is saying "she is better than it"  I remember one night, a year or so before I came out, we were watching this show on tv about this transgender kid. And I asked my mum what she would do if one of us (me and my siblings) felt like that. She was all like "oh I would still love you and be supportive, and let you be how you felt". So much for that idea grr 

[Berren]

Harlee, our parents are almost exactly the same. I was too worried to actually say what I felt to both of them, and they have never sat me down and talked to me about this together, once. My mum often asks me "do you still feel how you felt?" as if I'm one day just going to say "no". My dad doesn't talk to me about it, and I'm still referred to as "she" by everyone (only my parents and my older sister know) even though my mum would probably make the effort to call me "he" if I asked her. We have people around here a lot and I don't really feel like telling the rest of my family yet because I'm not overly close to them. I think the issue of "If we don't talk about it, it will go away" stands mostly with my dad though.

[shanetastic]

I wrote a letter to my mom at first and then she told my dad at a later date (I asked her too because I didn't wan to tell my dad :/)

Mom at first was like wow how did we miss it.  She then moved onto blaming herself.  Then we moved onto an awkward stage of not talking about it.  Then she went into the you need help stage.  Then the totally cool it's fine stage to finish it off.

[Bones]

I just told my mother...she said 'I kinda knew already'...she then told my dad who thinks it's a phase...I was 36 or so at the time..Eyup! A phase that's lasted 36 years! But my mother kind of knew since I was a kid...I've since been removed of my parents life though...

[Michael Joseph]

Im not out to them yet and i have no idea howd they react. Ive known i wanted to be a boy as far back as I can remember and I remember it always making my mom really upset. Now a days I still dress like a boy and act how I always have but my mom tries to get me to dress more femminine and i get so mad at her. I want to come out to them so bad but I'm horrified of the reaction.

[Arch]

I don't talk to my parents, so they don't know about me.

[~Jay~]

I am dreading telling mine I know at some point they will have to know but they are rather old fashioned and I don't think they would take it so well.

[Dante]

Well, I was crying a ton (I was upset about something stupid, but I was so stressed and depressed I started crying), and my parents (dad & step-mom) kept asking me what was wrong, until I finally blurted out "Because I hate being a girl!" I wasn't looking at them, but I could just feel the change in the air.

I'm still not sure how they feel about it exactly. My dad told my mom for me, but I don't really have the ability to talk to them face-to-face about it. So, there's this awkward tension about dressing for formal events and other things like that. But they're generally accepting as far as I can tell.

[GamerJames]

When I told my mom, she basically guessed.

Mom: You look so different since getting your hair cut
Me: I feel really different, I actually feel more like "me" than I ever have in my life
Mom: Yeah, you seem really different, not just "look" different, I don't know what it is
Me: Well, you know how I've always kinda been "one of the guys"...
Mom: Oh, are you going to become a man? You know, Chastity - or I guess Chaz - Bono did that!

She was really supportive and asked a lot of questions and basically said that she'd love me no matter what. A few months into it though, she got a little down, was grieving a bit, and was having a hard time talking to me about it because she didn't want me to think that she was against it or didn't love me unconditionally. Once we talked about it and we both really expressed how we felt about everything, it got way better after that. And now she's my biggest support through all this.

When we went home to visit relatives (in another province), I didn't want to tell everyone the second I walked in the door and make it be a "big deal" or some sort of formal announcement. The 24 hours that I tried to hide it while everyone saw me as a girl and unintentionally said and did very feminizing/emasculating things, was very hard for me. My mom and I talked about it and she offered to take my relatives aside one at a time and tell them discretely so that it wasn't a "big deal" and that I didn't have to face it all myself. I wanted to still take responsibility for my own coming out, but I accepted her help because I was just so (socially) dysphoric at that time that I couldn't face telling these people who know and love me and risking their reactions making me feel even worse. A few days later, everyone knew and I was able to feel like myself again. All thanks to my mom being such an awesome and supportive person. She is seriously the best mom ever.

With my dad (who I have only been back in touch with these past few years, we're not super close, but he's a nice guy who sincerely cares about me), he sent me a text message saying "So, I hear you're going to be a boy now?" And I was like "Um, yes, where did you hear from?" Apparently his mom saw something on Facebook (I guess I hadn't locked down my privacy settings as much as I'd thought by then) and told him about it. Anyhow I was driving at the time, so I told him "the basics of it is yes, I'm trans. we can talk on the phone later and I'll explain more". When we did get the chance to have a phone call, he was totally cool with it, and just wanted to know how I felt and hear about my journey in learning about this aspect of myself.

Nowadays, he's very used to it, calls me "son" and "my boy" and such. We're still not super close, but I feel like he accepts me for me, and that's nice.

[Bones]

Wow James! *Envies* If only we all had such a supportive family! I always wonder what it is about certain people that butt heads with it so much compared to stories like this...

[cynthialee]

I have a lesbian mom so I was pretty sure she would take it well enough. I wrote her a long heartfelt email.
She took it even better than I expected and started trying to teach me about trans issues! (turns out one of her girlfriends was MTF, she still won't say who)

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I started binding.
My mom eventually asked where my chest went.
I said Mom, I'm not a ____.  I'm a boy
Mom:"You're a freak. You're doing this to me and yourself. You're making life harder"
I yelled and spazzed everytime she used my legal name. I'd say it wasn't me.
I didn't care, kept transitioning. I ordered a binder once when i was 16 and it was never delivered so I thought. I found it under the couch cushion a few months later and told her never to take my stuff again.
She still assumes it's a phase, still thinks I'm a freak.
She refrains from calling me any name or using any pronouns now, other than referring to me as her "kid" and "they". Fine with me. Nothing is better than she.
But we've never had a good relationship. She's abusive and stuff. You should be able to talk to your mom, sit down with her and explain.
My mom's just nuts, literally. So I don't bother to explain anything. I've tried. I don't know if it sunk in and really don't care. I moved out the day I turned 18.

[Shang]

I haven't told my parents and I don't know how I'm going to tell them, I was hoping to find a way through the thread ().   I'm going to probably wait until I'm on my own two feet though and can support myself, just in case it all goes sour.  Plus I'd like to do it in person, which isn't possible because we're separated by an ocean right now.  I think they might be OK with it, though they'd have a hard time believing because they'd think of the stereotypical FTM and I'm nowhere close to that (no one could ever pick out of a crowd and say I'm FTM because of job-related issues and various things of the like).  My goal is to have several articles on transgendered related things to help them understand.