Hey everyone! I'm Kaci, and I'm probably one of the younger members here. I'm a pre-everything FTM who identifies as an asexual. My life has been full of ups and downs of what seems like the roller coaster of mental illness. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety around the age of ten or eleven, and since then it's been a constant battle. By the age of 14, I was suspected of having GID, to which I denied completely, despite my wishing and childhood fantasies of becoming a boy. I'm still really confused as to how they came up with that conclusion, because at the time I was so in denial about everything. Unfortunately, I wish I could go back in time and have taken it seriously, because maybe I wouldn't be as depressed as I am now and could have gotten some earlier help.
It's just so frustrating. I finally realize a huge part of my depression, and no one is taking it seriously! 'Cept some of my friends and my two therapists. But because I've dissociated in the past, a lot of people think this is just one of my 'dissociative episodes'. If anything, I've dissociated away from this, if that makes sense, into doing everything I could to convince myself I was a girl. And once I couldn't do that, I begun to dissociate even more to the point I wasn't even human anymore. For a year or two, I was so in denial about being transgendered that I convinced myself I was a Therianthrope/Otherkin. (For those of you who don't know, they believe they were born the wrong species. Therianthropes refer more to animals, while Otherkin is more like vampires, angels, dragons, etc.) Everyone in my family was completely fine with me thinking I was supposed to be born a wolf, running around convinced I was a wolf in a human body. Yet I finally settled down and realized why that was, and I'm being told how wrong I am, how I'm just dissociating again, how I'm just creating problems for everyone...It's really upsetting. Out of the handful of people I've told, only a smaller handful of that small handful actually supports me.
But thankfully I've got writing and art to keep me sane.
Anyway, on a more light-hearted note, I love art, writing, and photography. I wanna be an art therapist after I'm done with all my schooling. And despite being a boy, I love dolls. o.O; In fact, I am an avid collector of Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. I own one myself, and am saving up for my second.
Originally I had a whole life story written here, but I decided it's completely irrelevant to introducing myself. Still, if you're interested in hearing it, just let me know.
Umm yeah. I'm no good with intros because I just ramble on and on and on.
So hi everyone! I'm looking forward towards meeting all of you. ^^
