Hey everyone! I'm Kaci, and I'm probably one of the younger members here. I'm a pre-everything FTM who identifies as an asexual. My life has been full of ups and downs of what seems like the roller coaster of mental illness. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety around the age of ten or eleven, and since then it's been a constant battle. By the age of 14, I was suspected of having GID, to which I denied completely, despite my wishing and childhood fantasies of becoming a boy. I'm still really confused as to how they came up with that conclusion, because at the time I was so in denial about everything. Unfortunately, I wish I could go back in time and have taken it seriously, because maybe I wouldn't be as depressed as I am now and could have gotten some earlier help.

It's just so frustrating. I finally realize a huge part of my depression, and no one is taking it seriously! 'Cept some of my friends and my two therapists. But because I've dissociated in the past, a lot of people think this is just one of my 'dissociative episodes'. If anything, I've dissociated away from this, if that makes sense, into doing everything I could to convince myself I was a girl. And once I couldn't do that, I begun to dissociate even more to the point I wasn't even human anymore. For a year or two, I was so in denial about being transgendered that I convinced myself I was a Therianthrope/Otherkin. (For those of you who don't know, they believe they were born the wrong species. Therianthropes refer more to animals, while Otherkin is more like vampires, angels, dragons, etc.) Everyone in my family was completely fine with me thinking I was supposed to be born a wolf, running around convinced I was a wolf in a human body. Yet I finally settled down and realized why that was, and I'm being told how wrong I am, how I'm just dissociating again, how I'm just creating problems for everyone...It's really upsetting. Out of the handful of people I've told, only a smaller handful of that small handful actually supports me.

But thankfully I've got writing and art to keep me sane.

Anyway, on a more light-hearted note, I love art, writing, and photography. I wanna be an art therapist after I'm done with all my schooling. And despite being a boy, I love dolls. o.O; In fact, I am an avid collector of Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. I own one myself, and am saving up for my second.

Originally I had a whole life story written here, but I decided it's completely irrelevant to introducing myself. Still, if you're interested in hearing it, just let me know.

Umm yeah. I'm no good with intros because I just ramble on and on and on.

So hi everyone! I'm looking forward towards meeting all of you. ^^

Art and BJDs...if our recent threads are any indication, you'll fit right in with a big subset of Susans FTM members. So welcome

Welcome to Susan's, KaciKip. 

There's a lot of good information and good people here.  Each of our stories is unique but we have a lot in common.  Settle in, pull up a keyboard, and explore.

Be sure to look under the Announcements heading.  There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  

Look through the other stuff there, too.

As Kyril said, it sounds like you'll fit right in here.  Happy exploring.

- Kate

Welcome to Susan's

Thank you for the welcomes, everyone!

Hi Kaci,

Welcome to our little family. Over 5300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.


Hugs and Love,
Janet

HI KACI :"))

Yaay! Thank you to both of you. ^^

Hi, Kaci!

First, I must truly say that I love your chosen name for this forum.  It is simply a most beautiful name.

Second, may this much older sister kindly recommend that you cut yourself some slack.  You are neither mentally ill nor a weirdo.  You very likely are highly to profoundly intellectually gifted.  The ebb and flow of your writing clearly evinces such.  Yes, you most probably genuinely do have transsexual issues.  I don't know for sure, inasmuch as I just met you; however, it sounds like you do.  Mayhaps, even more importantly, these issues are apt to be greatly compounded by your obvious intelligence.  Some people here may think I'm off base for suggesting as much.  Soon, I'll make a case for this by way of several wiki articles here at Susan's Place.  I maintain that many transpeople have much-above-average intelligence and that this greatly exacerbates the difficulty of their adjustment to the world in conjunction with their trans issues.  In fact, I assert that the combined effect of these two traits is geometric as opposed to linear thereby making their possessor's adjustment to the world (and it to them) very, very difficult, indeed.   Those people may decide for themselves regarding this matter by way of those articles.

Third, and finally, if, and only if, you are truly interested, I'll be glad to give you some links to read, ponder and surmise.  I'll post those links right here in this forum for all to see.  Everyone and anyone can read them.  What are those links concerning?  People whose intelligence is such that it renders them "strangers in a strange land" (Kudos to author Arthur C. Clarke whose phrase this actually is ... a title of one of his books.) among ordinary people.  I daresay that you might well recognize yourself in those links as you read them.  I may be completely wrong about that, but I have a hunch I'm right about this.  Anyway, ...

Forgive me if I've been too forward and assuming with this post.  If I've offended you, then simply ignore me.  I don't mean to be nosy. 

We're glad you're here.  Be yourself.  That's more than good enough for us.  Post and/or get involved anytime you feel like it. 

   Lacey Lynne

Hi Kaci!

Wow you seem similar to a friend of mine. He is also a pre-everything FTM, and he has had similar feelings to wolves sorta, more of a spiritual connection I guess would be best way to describe it. Anyways enough about him , welcome to Susan's!

LaceyLynne, I would love to read those articles. I have an obsession with getting to know myself, learning things about myself, and uncovering who I really am. I spent a large part of my childhood pre-teen, and early teenage years taking care of other people, so I had little time to focus on myself. So now that I finally have some downtime, I'm playing a game of catch up in getting to know things about myself, what makes me the person I am.

And it's all good, you didn't offend me at all. In fact, I'm rather happy that you think I'm not sick or weird. For a large part of my life I've been told I'm weird, different, have a ton of mental health issues, been diagnosed with what feels like everything in the DSM IV. None of it was meant maliciously of course, but it's really shaped how I view myself. So it's extremely refreshing to hear what you've just told me. So I want to thank you for that. It was a lovely thing to wake up to in the morning.

And thank you for the welcome, Katelyn! That's cool that your friend has a spiritual connection to wolves. ^^ Do you know if it's similar to a totem animal? I'm fascinated by animal spirituality. I haven't done meditation in a long time, but whenever I would, an elk I believe it was would appear to me. My thing with the wolf wasn't very spiritual at all though. o_O;

I think I've heard him mention something about a totem animal before, I'm not exactly sure. I'll probably butcher how he feels if I try to explain it so I'll refrain from doing that