what a crappy day

[jainie marlena]

I was watching youtube videos on my channel from some of the other girls. I sat the laptop on the table and went outside for a minute to get something. My oldest son that knows that I am a transwoman came out and told me that my daughter that is 10 years old took down my laptop to look up her stuff. She saw the pages that I was looking at and her knowing how to read. well she reads the word transsexual out loud and ask her mom what means. Her mom takes the laptop from her and closes out the browser. She tells my 10 year old daugther that her dad is a pervert and calls what I was watching porno. It was youtube trans community that my daugther saw. I could not believe that she called it porn it is bad that she would rather my daugther think that her dad is looking at porn than tell her the truth about me.
I took my daugther aside later that day and expained it to her a little better and told her not to tell her mom. she promised me that she would keep it a secrect. I ask her how she would fell if everyone thought that she was a boy and treated her like a boy even though she knew she was a girl how would she feel, she said that she would feel sad. I said what if you looked like a boy even to your parents and no one knew you where a girl. she had a weird look on her face, she knew what I was saying. However, she did not realize that I was talking about myself.
my wife and I are spitting up. I may not be able to come here for sometime until all this blows over. not sure when it is going to happen just know it is soon.

[JessicaR]

I have two small children; My daughter was 5 when I came out, my son 2. They're 7 and 4 now...  Something I realized fairly soon into my transition is that no one was going to have warm fuzzy feelings about be being a Transsexual parent. What's most frustrating is when being Transsexual is associated too closely with sexuality....   It's an unfortunate fact that lots of people make the assumption that we're trying to satisfy a sexual need  and that we should be hidden away with the porn.

   Because you're Trans, there will be frequent obstacles that you and their Mom will have to overcome. If a split is imminent, so be it, but that doesn't mean that she has the right to tell an outright lie to your daughter....  Don't let that slide! You need to have a serious discussion with your wife on how things are going to proceed with your kids ASAP. Right now, in early transition, everyone in your life thinks that you've completely lost your mind... Just accept that and concentrate on real solutions. Maybe you could start seeing a therapist as a group to work on constructive ways of dealing with everyone's issues. You might also want to start looking for a GLBT or Trans-friendly lawyer so you are at least aware of your rights.

   My wife stated that she wanted a divorce in the same conversation as when I came out to her. The issues with her and how things were going to be handled with our kids took a long time and lots of hard work to resolve. It didn't look good at times....  Now, I'm over a year into living full time and worked just about everything out. I have a great relationship with my kids and spend lots of time with them. I knew things would be ok when my daughter asked out of the blue, "Jess, can I braid your hair?" I almost cried.

  I know that today was a bad day and you're probably going to have lots of them before you're through this wild ride but don't get too discouraged. We Transsexual folks are some of the most resilient and courageous around! You can do this!!  :-)

Jess

[lilacwoman]

/quote]

its not good for a mother to tell the kids that so it looks like you need to have a good talk with the mother - and get used to the idea that you'll soon be out on your own.
But make sure you keep contcat with the kids unless your state allows the mother to block access as you're a pervert.

[spacial]

laineyjain

Really sorry to hear of this. It was wrong of your wife to say that to your daughter, though I think your daughter probably knows that.

I may be wrong, but since your relationship is having so many problems, your wife may be reacting on her feelings rather than her common sense. I do hope she works this out soon.

You could perhaps approach her by gently reminding her that your children love you both and need to feel that love will be returned, unconditionally. That if they feel a negative reaction from one toward the other, that will harm them.

Whatever differences you may both have, your children should never suffer or feel they have to choose.