So, this week has been pretty tough. Just got back from vacation and was feeling very down. I enjoyed the time away very much, but there was a part of me that felt it was a delay in my transition. The wife has been having some trouble coming to grips with things this week too, which she shows at times by having a cold/resentful attitude, short temper with me and the boy, mentioning that my son has told her on occasion that it would be fun if I left for awhile (don't think she realizes he says the same about her), casually mentioning that I could leave for some time if I wanted and finally coming up with ways to count up how much transition is going to cost. Not terrible things, but she is VERY passive aggressive and comes up with little ways to make her points and draw a little blood while still maintaining deniability since she doesn't out-and-out say things bold faced. It is only fair that I give her the space to rant and work things out as this is a BIG change, but support at home has been a bit lacking and it is taking its toll on me.
I have been doing little things like letting my nails grow and not cutting my hair, but I hadn't been able to work on larger things yet. Therapist said HRT discussion next week, so I do have that to look forward to. In the meantime, also had a consult for laser facial hair removal and will most likely start that very soon too. Finally, in just a fit of desperation and frustration yesterday, I shaved almost everything below my neck. Chest, stomach, back, arm pit and leg hair all gone. I've shaved my legs before and almost all those other parts, but have very rarely done it all at one time. All of a sudden, I felt so much better. I have B cups naturally, and seeing them without hair all of a sudden made them BREASTS and not man boobs. I kind of hefted them in my hands and the site of my more feminine hands with longish nails was startling. I could all of a sudden see some of the female shape (and female life) that my future will hold. It made me so happy that the stress disappeared for awhile. It made me excited for the future and I vowed never to let any of that hair grow back. I can't wait to take the next steps!
