Quote from: Papillon on August 05, 2010, 05:45:15 AM
Which brings me onto a related but slightly OT subject. Just like the phantom penis phenomenon, my feelings of gender identity are like memories of having been male. They are not so much "I should have a male body" but "I used to have a male body" and that, like grieving, I am finding it difficult to adapt to the fact that this is no longer the case. Does anyone else get this?
This. Maybe why I'm neither here nor there on the gender thing - there's not enough "should" to push me over to the guy side completely, but enough "used to" that wearing skirts/dresses/makeup sure feels like crossdressing, like someone's going to notice...something.
I can tell you that when I wore a pair of tight boyshort-style women's underwear, and looked down, it was incredibly disturbing to find myself...well, as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll. So very, very wrong, yet these things seem to sell well enough, so I would suspect that my reaction is not the same as most cis-and-happy-about-it women wearing them. Haven't worn them since.
I can conjure up a "fantasy dick" if I want to when aroused, but I don't think it's quite into the realm of "phantom", as it only exists when I'm actively thinking about it. The real live parts I grew myself have always been a bit of a letdown, particularly the boobs ("Yeah, you can play with them if you like, just don't expect me to notice much, it's not like they're mine..."), so I figure I might as well go with whatever works, in the imagery department. I certainly get the impulse to cross my legs and wince in sympathy when someone receives a particularly painful injury, or is likely to, though. (unless, of course, it's a safety situation where I have to deliver it.) And when I did gymnastics, I always hated balance beam for fear of being crotched far more than falling off it and not hitting it on the way down!
