Okay, I'm going to talk all of this over with my therapist in a couple of weeks, but I'd also appreciate some feedback here. My situation is that I came out to myself only a very short time ago (see the ticker in my signature space), and since then I've been steadily working at figuring things out and getting plugged into resources. I hope to hear back from CAMH in a week or two for an assessment appointment, which I expect will be in around the Feb-Apr time frame. I'm out to my wife, and she's going through the grief process, but slowly, because we still have 3 adult kids living at home, and this must be kept from them until it's time (they're 19, 24 and 27). As the summer has worn on, I've been getting involved with a trans support group, meeting transgirls in the area (I now have three good friends/mentors), and getting hooked up with a great therapist (had 2 sessions so far, she's fantastic!). I am now at the point where I dress for therapy, for the support group and for any get-togethers with my friends. I will soon begin attending a weekly workshop called "Gender Journeys" given at the Sherbourne Health Centre, which is 11 weeks long. This will, sadly, take me away from my support group for a few months, but the experience will be golden at any rate. I live in an outlying area, not in Toronto, so I'll be taking the train there, and changing on the train (this will be my first time in the "real world" as Colleen!) - so I'll be dressed on the train and subway on the way to the workshop, every week. I also have a Best Friend who lives in Toronto (known him 36 years, he's gay), and he was the first person I told - I'm planning to spend a day with him downtown as Colleen, and be out and about. So I'm already thinking about getting some (limited, admittedly) RLE. I've also made anonymous inquiry at my company as to whether someone transitioning in the workplace would be protected by the company's anti-discrimination/harassment policy. I'm thinking ahead.
So... long preamble, sorry. But I had been assuming all along that any further coming-out (i.e. to my children) should probably wait until after the CAMH assessment, but now I'm not so sure. In my therapy session this week, my therapist helped me realize that I really already know the diagnosis, this is no surprise to me, and there really is little/no doubt that I am in fact Colleen, and always have been. And each new experience only confirms that. And there are things I should be doing/putting in place as soon as I can, such as laser treatments for my beard, etc, because once I get the diagnosis, I'm going to want (need) to proceed ASAP with HRT and all the rest. I'm 54, and don't want to waste a lot of time.
So I'm beginning to think that it might be best to come out to my kids earlier, rather than later. If the whole family knows, and there's no further need to hide it, then maybe my wife can grieve more efficiently, and I can do what I need to do to move forward, while remaining as respectful of others' feelings as I can (particularly my wife). I'm just thinking that until that happens, we'll just remain stuck in this sort of limbo, and she can continue to cling to false hopes that this might all work out differently, and I won't really be ready when the assessment comes. I do plan to have a serious conversation with her before any other coming-out, just to lay it on the table, and let her know that really there is no further need to wonder, this is who I am, and the chances that CAMH will disagree are vanishingly small, and while I wish I could blow sunshine up her shorts, in reality, the best thing we can do is to set about making our decisions and preparing for what's to come. But of course, I wouldn't put it quite that baldly, but I think that's the message she needs right now. Thoughts? As I said, I will talk with the therapist about all this first...
