Corrupt-A-Wish

[Dante]

Granted, but some guy in a time traveling DeLorean runs the cloned tree over every time you make it. 

I wish I could disappear at will and be completely alone.

[justmeinoz]

Granted, you get to disappear and be alone every time your football team looks like they are going to win a game.

I wish my panel-beater neighbour didn't have a backyard full of old cars.

[Lee]

All the cars are abducted by aliens (Along with half the rest of the neighborhood.)

I wish I knew what to get everyone for Christmas.

[A]

Granted. You know what they all want. Sadly, your bank account is empty.

I wish Christmas was fun.

[Osiris]

Granted, Christmas is the most fun holiday ever. In fact it's the most fun thing anyone can experience in their entire life! But you convert to a religion that forbids participation.

I wish I had someone around to play with. 

[SnailPace]

Granted, Christmas is the most fun holiday ever. In fact it's the most fun thing anyone can experience in their entire life! But you convert to a religion that forbids participation.

I wish I had someone around to play with. 

Granted.  Your cat unexpectedly has a litter of kittens!

I wish there was a way I could bring my son to work with me.

[V M]

You can... But your boss notices that he can do your job better than you and gives him your job

I wish I could convert my bicycle into a snowmobile so it would be easier to go to the store and back 

[28BROOK]

Granted  but this year there is no snow......

I wish I was at least four inches shorter.

Brook

[Osiris]

Granted, you're four inches short, unfortunately that's because you have a hunched back.

I wish that I could stay positive and not get depressed at all this month.

[E]

Granted - you're now in a fever delirium.

I wish I was 3 years younger.

[April Dawne]

Granted, you are three years younger.... than the oldest person on the planet...

I wish Ice Cream was healthier

[E]

Granted - ice cream is now the healthiest food on the planet. And it tastes like it, too.

I wish my computer wasn't as temperamental as it is.

[Vanessa_yhvh]

I wish my computer wasn't as temperamental as it is.

Granted. Your computer is dead as a rock.

I wish I could play piano better.

[Dante]

Granted, you can play piano better, but all the pianos in the world suddenly explode in flames.

I wish my iPhone had more space on it.

[xAndrewx]

Granted! Your Iphone has deleted everything so now you have plenty of space.

I wish that everyone who wasn't wishing harm on others or wishing for a bunch of cash could really have their wishes granted

[Vanessa_yhvh]

I wish that everyone who wasn't wishing harm on others or wishing for a bunch of cash could really have their wishes granted

Granted. Chaos engulfs the world.

I wish my hair were longer.

[Lee]

You get locked in a tower, and the only way someone can save you is by climbing it.

I wish I had either an infinitely-refilling tea cup or a butler.

[Osiris]

Granted you can have both! Unfortunately the tea cup fills itself too fast and ends up flooding your house and your butler drowns and the family sues you.

I wish there was less distance between me and people who would most like to erm.. uh, engage in certain activities with me.

[justmeinoz]

Granted, they are all there at once, become insanely jealous, and your house is trashed as they fight.

I wish Haemophilus Influenza A would grow easier when I  put it on an agar plate.

[A]

Granted. It grows very well. But it grows very well inside your lungs, too. Oops.

I wish I could hold in farts as well as everyone.