Corrupt-A-Wish

[Lee]

Granted.  It even comes complete with a three-headed guard dog.  However, as you are not musical in any way, shape, or form, you can never get into it.

I wish I could get the chat on this site to work.

[Mr.Hyde]

Granted, but there's nobody to talk to....

Iwish I had some Monster or Burn to drink right now...

[justmeinoz]

Granted, but you won't drink it because you have realised it gives you 147 decibel flatulence.

I wish my son would return my Whipper Snipper (aka weed whacker/strimmer/line trimmer).

[Dante]

Granted, but he gets angry at your request and stabs you with it.

I wish my teachers would stop segregating us for activities by gender.

[sigmafan]

Granted.  Now they segregate you by height, and it could get hairy.

I wish I had a glass of Diet Pepsi right next to me.

[Michael Joseph]

Granted, but that glass of diet pepsi belongs to the person sitting next to you and they dont want to share.

I wish it was 85 degrees out where i live right now

[Lee]

Granted.  However, due to a mix up in immigration, you are deported to the south pole.

I wish I had a longer attention span.

[justmeinoz]

Granted, you are now monomaniacally obsessive about whatever you are doing at any given time.  Your friends all desert you, and your family move you into a shed in the backyard.

I wish I had 3 weeks holiday instead of just 2.

[Dante]

Granted, you spend your 3-week holiday with the protesters in Libya.

I wish that my family will get the house we want!

[justmeinoz]

Granted, but you also have to spend the rest of your lives paying off the mortgage like the rest of us.

I wish someone would come up with a cheaper way to get a house.

[VeryGnawty]

I wish someone would come up with a cheaper way to get a house.

Granted.  Someone offers to sell you a house for next to nothing, so you buy immediately.  When you read the fine print, you realize they were only selling an outhouse.

I wish I weren't so tired.

[Padma]

Granted: you find yourself with solid wooden wheels instead. Bumpy, but rustic.

I wish I were a tenor or a bass, and not a baritone.

[Dante]

Granted, your bass is so low, it shakes buildings even if you're just speaking. After destroying 4 different buildings, you are required by law never to speak again. And then all the people who know sign language die. Sorry.

I wish I didn't hate all my friends right now. 

[Padma]

Granted: you "like" all your friends on facebook, get appalling carpal tunnel from all the mouse-clicking and can't masturbate for a year and a day.

[just so's I can say: I always wanted to be Black Bolt - he's so cool!]

I wish my new house was ready to move into NOW.

[Lee]

Granted.  Your house moves into now and keeps moving until it reaches the future.  You, unfortunately, are still stuck in the now.

I wish I had time to lie down for a bit.

[espo]

Granted: but I was in the same room telling you about all the really weird dreams I had in the smallest of detail

Wish I had 20 boxes of Pop-Tarts

[V M]

Granted... You have the last twenty Pop - Tarts boxes... But they are all empty

I wish I would have kept my 1982 Volkswagen Vanagon

[Dante]

Granted, but it's permanently parked in your living room.

I wish I had my driver's license already.

[justmeinoz]

Granted. You then go out to celebrate, and lose it for drink-driving.

I wish the wine in the cask was better.

[Padma]

Granted: the wine in the cask gets well, but now you have strep throat.

I wish I could sleep through a whole night.