Corrupt-A-Wish

[Dante]

Granted, you are well rested every morning. However, no one else can sleep anymore, so they are always pissed off at you.

I wish my friend would stop losing her phone every ten seconds.

[Padma]

Granted: Kazam!! your friend stops being a goldfish .

I wish the nearest loom I want wasn't a 6-hour round trip away!

[Mr.Hyde]

Granted, now it's just 25-hour away!

I wish my Tiger Balm was infinite!!

[justmeinoz]

Granted, however the price is also infinite!

I wish I  hadn't almost torn my thumbnail off pruning a tree this morning.

[VeryGnawty]

I wish I  hadn't almost torn my thumbnail off pruning a tree this morning.

Granted.  You didn't "almost" tear your thumbnail off.  You completely tore it off.

I wish I had more bread without having to drive to the grocery store to get some.

[Padma]

Granted: your dwelling place is engulfed by a vast squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag. It is fast and bulbous.

I wish my beard was non-existent.

[justmeinoz]

Granted. You now have a beard's worth of hair growing in each ear.

I wish there was something decent on TV tonight.

[rejennyrated]

Granted. There are back to back previously unaired episodes of all your favourite shows. Unfortunately there is a major power outage in your area and you cant watch them.

I wish I had a rewarding job.

[justmeinoz]

Granted, you have a rewarding job as a nurses aid in an Nursing Home, as O/C Bed Pans.  Your self-sacrifice is appreciated by all the other staff, who wouldn't dream of taking such an uplifting duty from you!

I wish I had stopped at 2 pancakes at dinner tonight!

[April Dawne]

Granted, you stop at 2 pancakes, only to spend the rest of the night wishing you had eaten more, so you finally do but just before bedtime, which gives you nightmares and an upset stomach... =]

I wish I wasn't depressed and could get motivated again

[~RoadToTrista~]

Granted. Godzilla appears out of thin air and starts chasing you, and this motivates you to run like hell for 5 hours. After he catches you, he bites your head off, and since you're dead, you no longer have feelings!

I wish I could fly. 

[justmeinoz]

Granted, You are now a Pacific Black Duck. Unfortunately you live on the edge of a lake and it's Duck Season Opening tomorrow.

I wish I hadn't run out of coffee.

[Padma]

Granted: you run out of the nearest Dunkin' Donuts instead, and collide with a giant inflatable cheese, causing you to spill your coffee and donuts all over the head of John the Baptist, which happens to be in the carpark selling Lebanese hash to tourists. Chaos ensues, it's all over YouTube before you can say Jill Robyndaughter.

I wish my housemate hadn't come home yet!

[r e m]

Granted; but your housemate was struck by a subway train and died instantly - now you have to cover the rent on your own. O:

I wish it was tomorrow night already.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Granted, but earlier that afternoon you were hit by a truck, so now you have to spend 2 weeks laying in a hospital bed while covered in a full body cast.

I wish I had skittles.

[Dante]

Granted, someone gives you a bag of Skittles. But you eat one, then realize they are actually M&Ms in a Skittles bag.

I wish I didn't feel like my weekends go by in two seconds.

[justmeinoz]

Granted, they are now so boring they feel like they last a week, and you can't wait to go back to work.

I wish Krispy Kreme donuts didn't taste like deep fried sugar, just donuts.

[Padma]

Granted...kshsmshtinkleronronronronronron... oh, sorry, you crashed my wish granter . Hold on, rebooting (set BIOS to ignore sugar)...

Granted: your donuts are made using pure aspartame. You grow an extra penis, on which you hang those inedible damn things as a warning to others. (Heh - Krispy Kreme Zero...)

I wish I didn't feel like sleeping and exploding at the same time.

[Dante]

Granted, you don't feel like sleeping or exploding, but your Wish Granter crashes again and causes you to experience both.

I wish I didn't have an "end-of-the-year" project due three months before school ends (i.e. this week).

[justmeinoz]

Granted, you now have an End of Term Project due LAST week.

I wish I hadn't pulled a muscle in my side unrolling a rug!