Corrupt-A-Wish

[r e m]

Granted, instead you were rolled INSIDE the rug and thrown off a bridge at midnight!

I wish I had something fun to do.

[Dante]

Granted, you now have to help me with my end-of-the-year project that was apparently due last week. Isn't it fun?

I wish I didn't feel depressed all the time.

[Lee]

Granted, I didn't feel depressed all the time.  You, however, did.

I wish my back would heal enough to go to salsa this week.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Granted, but now both your legs are broken. (Too predictable? )

I wish the world was free from hate. 

[VeryGnawty]

I wish the world was free from hate. 

Granted.  As you walk around town and observe everyone, you realize that the only emotion they display is dispassionate indifference.  They are like living zombies.

I wish I had more pizza.

[Lee]

Granted, but you have to fly to Colorado and raid Lee's fridge.  It is, overall, the most expensive leftover pizza you've ever had.

I wish my exams were spaced out more.

[Padma]

Granted: your exams do a whole load of coke, get so spaced out they wake up in a whorehouse in Turkey.

I wish I'd slept last night before driving for 7 hours!

[Dante]

Granted, you slept for 1 minute, then had to get up and drive more.

I wish I had cake.

[Lee]

Granted, but the cake is a lie.

I wish I had a glass of milk.

[V M]

Granted... But milk is lying also

I wish I had more energy to clean my apt. for tomorrow's inspections 

[April Dawne]

Granted... but the inspections a lie :p

I wish my interview Monday would end with me getting the job

[NathanW]

Granted: You get the job, but it has poor pay and the conditions are terrible.

I wish that I could be king of the world.

[Lee]

Granted, but when you introduce yourself as "I'm the king of the world" for the first time, you end up on a big ship that hits an iceberg and sinks.

I wish I were feeling better.

[Dante]

Granted you feel better immediately, but now everyone around you feels terrible, and they constantly bitch and moan at you for feeling good.

I wish my sister wasn't such an idiot.

[justmeinoz]

Granted. She is now some other kind of idiot.

I wish the rain had held off until the Carnival at the local GLBTIQXYZ Festival had finished.

[Padma]

Granted: but even without the rain, the weight of all those letters still brought the giant umbrella crashing down, injuring many beneath it. But then the rain fell, soothing their wounds and some other poetic crap I can't be bothered to come up with.

I wish I had some different colours for my cotton warp today.

[justmeinoz]

Granted, you have all the colours of the rainbow. Your cotton is however so badly warped it is unable to be straightened.

I wish our plague of crickets would go away.

[April Dawne]

Granted, your plague of crickets is taken care of by a plague of spiders.

I wish the next person would grant me a GOOD wish

[Dante]

Granted, I get to prank you as many times as I like. Good, you say? Well, it's good for me.  (Sorry.  )

I wish mailing things wasn't so annoying.

[April Dawne]

Granted, it's no longer annoying... it's infuriating, you have an anurism, and die..... (that's for screwing up my wish lol)

I wish I could meet a really nice guy that would treat me with respect and not just want to treat me like a sex toy...