I am so angry at the mental health system

[Jeatyn]

I just need a bit of a rant, because this crap is driving me mad, I'm sorry it's probably going to be really long.

For as long as I can remember I've been depressed and had all sort of social problems, I've begged and pleaded for help and gotten fobbed off. I've been a self harmer

since age 11, nobody in the mental health system has offered me any help. I think the best I've gotten is a mandatory couple of sessions with a school councilor who

asked me some bizarre questions about whether voices in my head were telling me to cut myself and then telling me to basically get over myself when I said there were

no voices.

Of course years and years later, I figured out on my own that it was in fact GID that was screwing with me.

So I did my research and thought ok, this is straight forward...go to GP....ask for a referral to gender therapist....see therapist...get T, ok, simples.

It's been almost 2 years since I first asked a GP for a therapist referral and I still don't have one. I've seen loads of different doctors in 3 different cities and

gotten squat. I have physically handed GP's contact information for nearby gender clinics and therapists and they've promised to call....I wait and wait for a letter

saying I have an appointment, and nothing.

I finally decided to take the private route, forked out a crapload of money, traveled across the country and sorted it out myself.

Throughout all this I have remained calm and fine about the whole situation, I just think to myself that I'm lucky to have a national health system at all.

Then I got pregnant, and SUDDENLY, I have social workers and GP's and therapists coming out of my earholes. My medical records have documented every time I have told a

GP I'm depressed, every call to A&E after my cutting has gotten out of hand, and of course...my GID.

This has deemed me a "danger" to my unborn child, and I am now being forced to see all sorts of shrinks and social workers. They are threatening to take the baby away

so I have to jump through all sorts of hoops to get them to decide I'm fit to raise my own child.

They are up my ass every second of every day and I can barely pick my nose without some sort of health professional somewhere looking at me disapprovingly and jotting

it down in some "reasons to take baby away" notebook.

My social worker knocks on my door at random times to "check if I'm doing ok" when in reality he's just looking for reasons to condemn me. If I happen to be still asleep when he knocks at 9am and I answer the door in my PJ's I get a speech about not looking after myself and heaven forbid if there's any dishes in my sink, I'd understand if I was running a crack den but for christ sake are a few dirty dishes and getting up at noon the end of the world? I'm pregnant, I'm tired, I'll get up and do my dishes when I bloody well feel like it.

I get letters through my door for mandatory psyciatric assesments and at first I thought AWESOME, I finally get to talk to a shrink about how I feel. Not so awesome, the woman they make me see has no clue about GID and goes on and on at me about "doing what's best for the child" and encouraging me to stop "pretending to be a man" - it all goes in the "reasons to take away the baby" notebook and I get chewed out by my social worker and midwife over crap I've said in the therapy sessions.

I ask them why they are doing this to me and they reply with "we're just making sure you are getting the support you need"

SUPPORT? Don't talk to me about support, this is not support, this is unfair judgement and I am forced to hide who I am in order to be able to keep my baby. They are giving me the exact opposite of support and causing me all sorts of stress and anxiety.

It's made worse by the fact I'm having a girl. I'm hearing all sorts of rubbish about "making the child like me" - as if I chose to have GID, and second of all, would wish it upon my daughter too.

I pray to the gods she really is a girl but I'm not going to influence anything either way. Most of the clothes I've bought for her and they way I've decorated the nursery are fairly neutral and they are taking this as me completely rejecting any notion of femininity for her. If she CHOOSES to be a super girly girl then that's fine by me, but I don't want to vomit pink frillyness all over her just because she's a girl. Why doesn't anybody get this? Drives me NUTS.

Ok rant over *deep breath*

[spacial]

Jeatyn

I know this so well. These people seem to have loads of time for those that fit into their neat little categories.

I do hope you can keep your cool with these people. They are really just covering their backs.

I recall your thread, Holy crap. I'm pregnant. If you have a specific social worker assigned to you, then hopefully you can build some sort of relationship with them.

I must say, I think the queston about imposing your views on your daughter is inappropriate.

Has the father shown any interest at all yet?

[Robert Scott]

I would be pissed too --- but like it was said ... keep your cool or they will use it against you.

Is there a way you can get a legal advocate?

[Megan]

Look at it from their point of view, and to them you appear like a mentally-disturbed adult with gender issues and depression. You are not stable or a normal functioning adult, and society sees this as a horrible position to place a child into the hands into.

From my life experience people treat people who cannot function as "hopeless" cases.

If you are seriously going to raise this child, realize this, your life is now not about you at all. It's about your child now, and to raise him/her for the next 18 years. Your child is your world now. Make sure you get your financial situation cleared, make your Gender problems your problems to deal with later, get it straight that you will raise this child to be a happy functioning person.

I believe if they see that you are handling this issue with maturity and successfulness they will leave you alone. I say raise your child as you see fit, but do it well in the norms of societies.

Is there a dad? Where is the dad? You two should be together if at all possible.

[kyril]

Look at it from their point of view, and to them you appear like a mentally-disturbed adult with gender issues and depression. You are not stable or a normal functioning adult, and society sees this as a horrible position to place a child into the hands into.

From my life experience people treat people who cannot function as "hopeless" cases.

If you are seriously going to raise this child, realize this, your life is now not about you at all. It's about your child now, and to raise him/her for the next 18 years. Your child is your world now. Make sure you get your financial situation cleared, make your Gender problems your problems to deal with later, get it straight that you will raise this child to be a happy functioning person.

I believe if they see that you are handling this issue with maturity and successfulness they will leave you alone. I say raise your child as you see fit, but do it well in the norms of societies.

Is there a dad? Where is the dad? You two should be together if at all possible.

I'd like to register my disagreement with pretty much everything in this post.

(1) You need to sort out your GID as soon as it's possible and safe, so that you can focus on being a good dad. Putting it off till later just means more years of your kid having an inexplicably depressed, dysphoric, navel-gazing parent.

(2) You should absolutely not be with the other dad unless you two have a functional relationship that could survive on its own merits. "Staying together for the kid" is bad - doing it from birth is absolutely terrible, not least because it gets in the way of you developing an actual functioning relationship with someone else who could actually be a co-parent for this kid.

(3) The very best thing a parent can do for their child is to take care of themselves. Self-sacrifice, putting off your own needs and goals, just sets you up for a whole lot of bad stuff in the long run. Babies don't care if their caregiver sprouts facial hair. Preteen girls do. Babies don't care if their parent is a broke student or entry-level worker or living on social assistance while getting their stuff together. Teenage girls definitely do.

(4) Social workers have no business taking kids away, or threatening, in situations where the kid is warm and safe and housed and fed and not abused. Given that meeting those standards is a best-case scenario for the foster care system, there's simply no justification for preferring foster care over a non-abusive, attentive, loving parent with depression and GID.

[Jeatyn]

I am a perfectly functioning adult, having GID doesn't make me a maniac who isn't fit to live in society. Since sorting out my GID everything has been pretty much peachy and if this system had worked in the first place I would have been over my depression and other issues YEEEEARS before now.

The father did a runner and wants nothing to do with me or the baby, I don't believe in "staying together for the kids" anyway, if the parents are unhappy, that's going to resonate over to the child.

I know for a fact I'm going to be a bloody good parent - that is if they give me the chance. I'm jumping through their silly hoops and trying not to lose my rag at them so I get this chance.

My social worker was specifically assigned to me because he apparently did his dissertation on trans people and has experience in the field. However this doesn't seem to make him sensitive to my GID and what it means in the slightest. If he understood transsexuality he wouldn't be so concerned with me pushing my "trans identity" on to my daughter surely.

[lilacwoman]

I'd like to read that guy's dissertation - it probly reads like the Monty Python(?) I'm a Lumberjack sketch.

[Shang]

*hugs*  I really don't have an advice, Jeatyn.  But I really really hope things get better for you and the people realize you'll make a lovely father. *hugs again*

[Clay]

Look at it from their point of view, and to them you appear like a mentally-disturbed adult with gender issues and depression. You are not stable or a normal functioning adult, and society sees this as a horrible position to place a child into the hands into.

From my life experience people treat people who cannot function as "hopeless" cases.
[...]
I believe if they see that you are handling this issue with maturity and successfulness they will leave you alone. I say raise your child as you see fit, but do it well in the norms of societies.

Is there a dad? Where is the dad? You two should be together if at all possible.

i'm not sure how it is in other countries, but round here, they won't leave simply leave you alone once they got you on their radar. "hopeless case", you named it....

however, when they feel the need to help you now, they should be obliged to do it in a manner that doesn't heap anymore unrest to the situation, hence treat you in a appropriate manner.

[Arch]

Sorry, Megan, I have to echo what Kyril said.

Jeatyn, what they are doing (and what they have been doing) is so wrong on so many levels. You already know that.

You also know that they have it in for you, and you know that you have to do your best to make sure that you don't lose your baby to this lunatic system. Every time you bring up this topic, I wonder, "Aren't there advocates for this sort of thing? Isn't there SOMEone who can and will help him?" But I imagine you did your best to find that support--and came up empty-handed.

You seem to be a pretty level-headed bloke. Just keep it up, buddy. And rant all you like. If it will help you to keep your cool--and your kid--I'll read it.

[Janet_Girl]

Rant and rave all you want, Jeatyn.  The fing baby snatchers are so much BS.  I hate social workers who think they are so much better than the parents.  Do you do drugs?  Are you out there drinking?  Are you working in a meth lab?

They would take children from every parent, if it was based on some psych problem.  They need to make sure you have what you need for you.   The happier you are the better it is for the baby.  Even if you went through transition all the way, the baby would grow up to be a health happy little girl, who is her daddies little princess.

Sorry Megen, but this is wrong on some many levels.  Sounds like a page out of the anti-GLBT rule book.

Is there a dad? Where is the dad? You two should be together if at all possible.

Children do not need but one parent, who loves them.  Having two parents is nice but it is unrealistic.  Should we take all those children away who have had a parent died?  No.  They will grow up just fine.

Play their silly little games, Jeatyn.  And then just love and care for your little daughter.  You will be a great Dad.

[spacial]

I can understand what Megan's getting at, though I don't really agree.

I'm pretty sure Jeatyn has everything that is needed to be an excellent parent.

I also understand the negativity many have toward social workers.

I've known quite a few in my time to be honest. They have a tricky number. If they make a mistake and the press get wind of it, all hell breaks loose. Baby P was tragic. But that was an isolated case among many similar. The social workers will do their best.

I do know their priority is always to keep families together. Sadly, they also have to dance to the tune of the Drs. as the Cleveland case demonstrated, not to mention Orkney.

Jeatyn, I do hope you will take my suggestion of trying to build a relationship with your principal social worker, or, failing that, one other.

[CharlieTrance]

Just hang in there. My mother was in and out of the mental health system while I was growing up for depression and other issues. I was never once taken away from her, even after she tried and threatened to kill herself on several occasions.
She was a solo mum and I turned out fine, alot more accepting and understanding than people generally are as a result I'd say.

[LordKAT]

I also understand the negativity many have toward social workers.

I've known quite a few in my time to be honest. They have a tricky number. If they make a mistake and the press get wind of it, all hell breaks loose. Baby P was tragic. But that was an isolated case among many similar. The social workers will do their best.

I do know their priority is always to keep families together. Sadly, they also have to dance to the tune of the Drs. as the Cleveland case demonstrated, not to mention Orkney.

I say BS to the bolded part. Personal experience says all social workers should be shot on sight. My experience was much as Jeatyn describes.

[xAndrewx]

I'm sorry Jeatyn Man that is nuts. My ex's mother was a drug addict/alcoholic who got charges for abusing her many times plus she sold my ex's Christmas presents from others for drug money and social workers never kept her away so that is bull. Your trans, you're going through what you need to in order to be happy so in my opinion that isn't their business. I hope things work out for you man, you're gonna be a great father. Just keep your chin up. You're right, they are wrong. I'm trans and I raised my daughter who wasn't even biologically mine for 6 months (wish I was still in her life but that's another story) point being I had no problems, people on the street didn't start trouble or whatever, and I was just the same as any other dad just like you will be so the social workers need to stop with their lies. I'm sorry man, good luck with it all. 

[Hermione01]

@ Jeatyn, you'll make a wonderful parent and don't let anyone tell you different. Some dirty dishes in the sink do not make a bad parent and wearing pj's at 9 in the morning??  What the hell?! Everyone does including them I bet!!!  They're just being anal. 

I can tell you are excited about the upcoming birth of baby daughter. Everyone does neutral colours now just in case anyway.

I do know their priority is always to keep families together.

I say BS to the bolded part. Personal experience says all social workers should be shot on sight. My experience was much as Jeatyn describes.

I agree, in theory it should be so but a case worker who has a one-eyed view on what makes a 'normal' family, well we know what happens if you don't fit the mould.

[spacial]

OK, let me put this another way.

These social workers have enormous power. They can split a family. They can incarcerate people, almost indefinately, their word will be taken first in a court.

Now, do you think the best thing to do, in these circumstances, is to antogonise these people, or try to make friends with one of them?

Incidently, I was reluctant to be quite so blunt. Jeatyn is pregnant. There is ample evidence to show that the emotiona state of a pregnant mother can have an effect upon the cource of the pregancy.

[Jeatyn]

Thanks for the support guys, it's nice to be able to vent it at least.

Spacial I do know where you're coming from, it bugs the crap out of me but I'm trying my best to play nice and jump through any and all of their hoops - the main thing is that I get to keep my baby. Even if I know I'm right and they're wrong it's them who have all the power. Fighting it is just going to make it worse, usually I'm all for "sticking it to the man" but in this scenario I'm being very well behaved because the stakes are so high.

He came round this morning and scheduled an appointment for me and all my family (including ones who live a good 3 hour drive away, I might add) to have an official meeting to draw up some statements about the care of the child and sign it. I am literally having to sign a contract....that promises I'm going to look after my baby. How absolutely ridiculous.

[spacial]

You seem to have a pretty good handle on the situation Jeatyn.

Take care and good luck doesn't really do justice to the wishes I'm sending.

If it means anything I know the place you're in. Been near there.

[Arch]

I am literally having to sign a contract....that promises I'm going to look after my baby. How absolutely ridiculous.

Good lord, I just about choked when I read this.

Really? I mean, seriously, REALLY? A FREAKING CONTRACT?

These people have some serious bug up their butts.

Hang in there, buddy.