Scared and confused etc :(

[Britney♥Bieber]

I have a chalice  full of bravery to give away. It has been collected from the souls of girls and boys at Susan's. Drop by drop. If is a hard earned chalice.  It just tells us to be strong, it sings the stories of hope. It screams joy. It begs for acceptance. It's yours now. You asked. Be brave.

Hugs

Cindy

That was so cute

[lightvi]

I have a chalice  full of bravery to give away. It has been collected from the souls of girls and boys at Susan's. Drop by drop. If is a hard earned chalice.  It just tells us to be strong, it sings the stories of hope. It screams joy. It begs for acceptance. It's yours now. You asked. Be brave.

Hugs

Cindy

aww I'll share it with everyone *hugs*

[alia]

Oh darling! Fear is a strong emotion, but it is part of our experience. If you didn't feel fear, you wouldn't be human. Here's a little something that has helped me deal with fear in the broad spectrum of experiences in my life:

    I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain.

It's called the Litany Against Fear.

So, when I'm rock climbing, it's natural for me to get pretty scared.  What if I fall on a piece of gear that might be placed badly? What if I fall and i'm 20 feet above that last piece of gear? What if I fall and that gear pops out, and I deck on the ground?

Things like this constantly jump out of my mind. I cultivate a gentle awareness of these thoughts. Yes, they're there. Yes, they're possible, but really, the safest thing to do is to keep climbing until I can put another piece of protection in the wall. Giving fear an adverse reaction tends to multiply that fear. It grows stronger if you give it heed. It fades, like all emotions do, when you simply observe it gently, and with equanimity.

Maybe tell yourself "this is what fear feels like. This is just fine."  Feel fear in your body. If you manage to catch yourself in a moment of fear, you might notice your breath deepens and speeds up. Maybe your heart beats faster, and you get a tickling sensation that causes you to get up out of your seat and move.

This is normal! It is a human emotion, and we're human. Fear is part of our experience, and our experience is beautiful when you can sit back, hold yourself in stillness, and observe.

The fundamental property of all things is that they come, only to fade away. Fear has this property as well. Why develop such a strong dislike of fear, then, when it will only stop by to say hello, then crumble and die?

Best of luck honey. I hope you do well in transition!

Alia

[Britney♥Bieber]

Thanks Alia! That's really great advice. I think I'm just so used to fear paralyzing me, especially around people. I wish I wasn't so afraid of things but I have to do this, fear cannot stop me.

[GinaDouglas]

I think it would be abnormal not to be. There is so much going on inside your body, your mind, and with your life when you transition.

If you are not scared, you're not paying attention.

Any way you cut it, admitting to yourself that you are TG, means you are admitting that you'd rather be dead than live another day in the wrong gender.

[ChrisTinaBruce]

It is as NORMAL as we ever want to be... fear tells us we are alive and to really think about what your actions.

I personally discovered a priceless life lesson; we only change when then there is enough pain. We will struggle and fight, knowing the correct course or action; yet we will not initiate until the pain is greater than the fear.

My personal battles have been very hard on many people I love and for that I am so sorry, although I learned so much about myself, my true friends and my amazing family. I have taken for granted so many amazing people who have loved me and been there for me. I thought I knew, thought I gave back, thought I was grateful for having these people in my life. But I DID NOT know, DID NOT appreciate and DID NOT love them back like I should. That is changing.

I would NEVER, ever believed I could be were I am today. It has not been easily, at times I have cried, not slept, or eaten for days. I created the same stress for a few other wonderful people. Maybe we need these struggles and pain. What is pleasure without pain?

The reason for living or life in general is self discovery, growing into your own, and these painful phases are how we know we are alive. In the end we must fall to learn how to pick ourselves up. I just hope I have done all my falling for the next decade or so.

All of life is a transition, where you are does not have to define who you will be.

Be Bold, Be Proud, Be Yourself.

Chris

So...I feel with my whole heart that I'm a woman. So why do I keep feeling scared and confused and insecure about transitioning? I want to be pretty, and feel pretty. I want to be a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. I even wish I could be pregnant. I want to be treated and seen by all as female. When I started getting facial hair, I felt embarrassed and really sad. I don't feel like I'm a cross-dresser because I want to do everything as female. Work, school, social things, sleep, hygiene etc. I never have a desire to be masculine in any way, in fact I feel trapped in male clothing. I'm so excited to be on hormones and to get boobs, and grow my hair out, etc and the idea of stopping makes me sad. I don't know if my negative feelings come from my codependency on my best friend, my un supportive parents or what. I'm really scared. When I wonder if I'll regret this in the future, the only thing I can imagine is being scared to do it and regretting NOT doing it.

[annette]

hi sweetheart

I know excactly what feelings and doubts you have, because for me it was the same more then 25 years ago.
I started hormones in the late seventies and because of the few operations in this time I had to wait for 6 years for the SRS.
and all that time I was thinking....am I doing the right thing, but you know deep down inside that the feeling that you have is the right feeling.
you are a woman and nothing else, whether you like it or not.
so, just follow your feeling and you know you are right.
By the way, I never had 1 minute of regret in my life, it gave me my own identity.
and I hope you will forgive me my bad grammar of english, my native language is duth


love annette

[Adabelle]

I'm glad I found this thread. I'm scared too, but I feel it's inevitable. I'm 33 now and I know that after living this long that the feelings haven't gone away. For me it has gotten a little better since I've come out to my girlfriend (now wife), and my immediate family - but it doesn't change the fact I still feel like a girl inside.

I'm so glad to read these responses because it gives me the courage to not run away from facing my fears. I haven't started HRT yet, just Spiro and Avodart so far (with my doctor's supervision). I've also started electrolysis. All these seem like small steps in comparison to full transition. But I also don't want to just keep ignoring it, I already regret not dealing with this earlier in life - so why wouldn't I regret not facing my fears now?

Still, the fear is there, and it's a lot.

[jesse]

transitioning in the face of puplic scorn and ridicule is the single most frightening thing i think a person can ever half to deal with. you have job worries family worries your friends to think about. all will be affected either negatively or possitively by your decission. but weigh in what you deal with if u dont transition dead emotions negative thoughts about life and your future the consider it will get worse as you get older and suddenly at least to this writer its not so scary anymore also consider that until you go under the knife it is still reversable

[pretty pauline]

I think most people going thru transition and the transitioning process are scared and confused, from the time I started hormones to the time I got srs it was 12years.

I had to wait for 6 years for the SRS.

Unlike Annette I wasn't waiting 12years, I was just scared of have the irreversable surgery, I was passing perfectly as a woman, years on hormones more or less made my male parts useless, it was my Mother who encourage me to take that final step, I started hormones at 16 and finally had srs at 28, my breast augmentation and FFS was more painful, my srs was painful but more of an inconvenience, dilating which I got use to and some incontinence problems which developed from the srs at the time, the whole transition period was hard, but Iv no regrets, when I get up every morning and look in the mirror I see a beautiful woman, Im married to a completely straight masculine hunk of a guy who sees and fully excepts me as a woman and could never possible see me as a guy, the way he looks at me makes me feel very feminine, yes its great to be a WOMAN!

P