QuoteLet's not forget that I have been castrated and can therefore never live again as a 100% normal man.
And why was it that this was done Plix? Sit down, relax, and think hard on some important things. Was it because you had an absolute belief in something and knew that no matter what happened from there on end it would make you a better person?
Or was it an attempt to force an issue, believing others would Have to give you something because of it? You were trying to effect a trade? You thought what you had would buy you something? If they were worthless to you, then why should your giving them up be worth anything to anyone else? From other posts I would have to believe this entered heavily into it. A shortcut. Something to "Prove" what you could not demonstrate by commitment, resolve and positive action, and it has backfired, and if so, where is the commitment and resolve to press ahead and overcome if the original belief, that you were actually female and wanted to become a woman were the truely and completely believed truth at the bottom of your core identity?
I'm no expert and do not know you, but it adds up to me that if you can't find a quick fix, your willing to settle for anything at all that will give you some credibility in the world, even if that world is not your own rather then make the necessary sacrafices and apply the dedicaton and commitment it actually takes to fulfill your original desire, brings the question of actual desire to the forfront.
It is not that I mean to question your actual intent or your heart, it is just that you open up the door wide to such curiosity by your refusal to do what it takes and willingness to settle for anything less that takes less time, effort and sacrafice.
As to could never be a man because of what you have done, ask a FtM if he needs the real, fundtioning things to be a 100% man. I have looked into the eyes of one of these and he is more of a man then I ever could have been, regardless of reputation, affiliation, or having all the correct parts. and he still got the whole wrong lower half. Are you saying that a Man is defined purely by a testosterone producing gland? and if worried about "function", yes most likely that could be restored if need be. I'll tell you this, though it shatters me to admit it. I'm orchied, and yes, it still works despite that. I know it for a fact because a couple of months ago, my woman, "demanded" I try, it had after all been more then a year and a half since I last made the effort, and she went to sleep happy that night, though I got up and went back to my room to deal with what had just happened and ease my mind about it.
You want to cry about a loss you thought you were willing to make, do so if it makes you happy, but the fact is if you wanted to be a man, there is nothing stopping you.
If being a woman means more to you, then nothing but yourself stopping you there either, if that is what you are. You are looking for sympathy and pity and that won't get you a cup of coffee toward these issues.
If you are willing to settle for something you are not, just to "be" something, more power to you, but don't expect much success at that either, as in effect, you would just be nothing if not what you are.
Time to get real Plix, you have tried to do things the easy way without having to make true sacrafices and effort and it hasn't worked. You can either get with the program and do things right, or you can continue as you are forever. Your Choice, at least you seem to have one. excercise it!
Sorry about the offensive nature of this post and the personalism of it, but Plix, you need to be sat down and made to face yourself and the only way to do this is get your *** to therapy, ANY Therapyst, gender specialst or not. Only my deluded opinon of course.
I take such things very personal Plix, as those who enter into these things with the thought and commitment which you have and are demonstrating and are doing, only add to the "Myth" of transsexuality which is used against those who really believe and do what they believe in by those who seek means of preventing others from being and becoming what they really are. Such people, if they believe it or not are aiding and abetting the war against us, and yes, deep down, I resent it. But all I or anyone else expects you to do is what is truely right for you as you truely believe and have the resolve to fight for. don't do any thing less or more.
Get down and dirty and FIGHT for what you really want.....
Terri
