MTF Transitioning in your thirties (30's)?

[BunnyBee]

As I recall, a lot of pictures in this thread show women getting great curves and fat redistribution on the body... I certainly did, and still am. I'm actually kind of amazed that at 5 years on HRT (next month!) I'm still seeing changes; my thighs and butt are continuing to get bigger, and my waist is a bit more defined, versus a year ago.

I started with a pants size of about 12 and am now a 16-18 - yeah, not thrilled about the "not skinny" aspect of it, but at least it's all in the butt and hips.

Totally.  Some people will be lucky in that dept.  I just feel my personal results in that area would have been better if I started earlier.  I am otherwise basically very happy with how it all has gone though.

[Jennygirl]

  Good for you!  I think this choice needs to receive strong commendation and recognition when it is the right thing for the individual.  Your decision should help a lot of people become more comfortable going this route.  It may very well be my path also.  Too bad we won't be seeing you 'north of the border', as I had been quite looking forward to that.  You're always welcome here!

Aw you are a sweetie pie Thank you

I definitely want to visit there regardless, except now it will be purely for vacation! Even better!

I do hope that my non-op decision helps others feel more comfortable about taking their own route. There seem to be quite a few expectations when it comes to the "classic" transition, SRS being a big one that I've felt. I just feel fortunate to have found this out about myself when I did (right after a stage where I was totally sure I did want it). However, I am sure that I would have made the most of it had I followed through with SRS as well I still think if new methods come along later in life, I might give it another evaluation. I realize that my needs and preferences are ever-evolving, and that how I feel right now may be totally different 60 seconds in the future... let alone 5, 10, or 20 years.

Despite the risks I have taken, I have been blessed to live a life with little to no regret. I hope to stay on that track. It involves not doing things just because someone tells me I should and really evaluating and reevaluating a plan of action for myself and myself alone. After all it is me who has to live this life, not somebody else.

Life is about problem solving. For those of us who transition a little later than ideal for the multitude of bodily changes that we may want, it is just a different set of problems that we face. Transitioning earlier also has its set of problems as others have mentioned in this thread. It's all a matter of how you handle the issues and if you can remember to listen to your evolving needs along the way.

Transition in a way reminds me of tuning a guitar that is very out of tune. You would think that you can just tune from one string to the next (just once), but the reality is that by tuning the later strings it changes the tension on the first strings- slightly knocking them out of tune again. This requires you to go back and retune the first strings again. It's important to go back and rethink the initial transitional plan, because as we change and evolve through transition (as well as get older) our needs may require further attention/re-tuning down the line to achieve the same resulting desire for a self deemed successful transition.

[Violet Bloom]

Aw you are a sweetie pie Thank you

I definitely want to visit there regardless, except now it will be purely for vacation! Even better!

Soooooo much more relaxing, to be sure, and way more ability to actually do anything.  Plus, now you can go anywhere whether it be Montreal, or Toronto... ( )

I do hope that my non-op decision helps others feel more comfortable about taking their own route. There seem to be quite a few expectations when it comes to the "classic" transition, SRS being a big one that I've felt. I just feel fortunate to have found this out about myself when I did (right after a stage where I was totally sure I did want it). However, I am sure that I would have made the most of it had I followed through with SRS as well I still think if new methods come along later in life, I might give it another evaluation. I realize that my needs and preferences are ever-evolving, and that how I feel right now may be totally different 60 seconds in the future... let alone 5, 10, or 20 years.

Despite the risks I have taken, I have been blessed to live a life with little to no regret. I hope to stay on that track. It involves not doing things just because someone tells me I should and really evaluating and reevaluating a plan of action for myself and myself alone. After all it is me who has to live this life, not somebody else.

Life is about problem solving. For those of us who transition a little later than ideal for the multitude of bodily changes that we may want, it is just a different set of problems that we face. Transitioning earlier also has its set of problems as others have mentioned in this thread. It's all a matter of how you handle the issues and if you can remember to listen to your evolving needs along the way.

I must say, what you said 'strikes a chord' with my own feelings so well.  You could have read my mind!  My transition has continuously been one of personal discovery and reassessment, including my sentiments regarding SRS.  I know that whatever I decide and whenever, it will feel matter-o-fact when the time comes.  FFS used to scare the crap out of me but now I'm committing to have it this year without any doubts.  My transition will not be complete after that but I will go full-time without feeling any further personal pressure to hurry things along any more.  Within the next ten years I might still elect to have SRS but I no-longer consider it a necessary milestone to reach before I can move on with my life.  (Having finally successfully gone swimming in a women's bathing suit for the first time, I'm far more optimistic about my situation than I was before.)

Transition in a way reminds me of tuning a guitar that is very out of tune. You would think that you can just tune from one string to the next (just once), but the reality is that by tuning the later strings it changes the tension on the first strings- slightly knocking them out of tune again. This requires you to go back and retune the first strings again. It's important to go back and rethink the initial transitional plan, because as we change and evolve through transition (as well as get older) our needs may require further attention/re-tuning down the line to achieve the same resulting desire for a self deemed successful transition.

I know exactly what you mean about guitars.  It reminded me of the really cheap kids versions which are virtually impossible to tune and then never sound right from chord-to-chord anyway .  It's been a very long time since I regularly played but I could still quickly tune one by ear without any trouble.

[ImagineKate]

I have weighed the SRS/non-op question in my mind. I am scared of invasive surgery and pain. I have to manage diabetes and high blood pressure, so some surgeons have extra caution for that. I am not "bad" thankfully and I manage my health but one wrong move and it could be misery.

Anyway, Jenny's non-op decision sorta had me thinking as well. But I think I will still be sticking to my plan, which is to live as a woman for at least 2-3 years then decide whether to have SRS. And as Jenny said, there may be better options down the road, especially with stem cells and similar. But I'm in no hurry. I am still married after all, but if she decides to end it then that may push me in the direction of SRS. Because let's face it, I'm finding myself attracted to men now more and more. But I really don't want to have a relationship as a non-op and I have dreamed of making love fully as a woman all my life. There is also freedom from tucking and freedom from Spironolactone and zero chance of detransition if somehow my HRT becomes unavailable. But I don't plan to leave. Despite our disagreements, I love her a lot and I love our kids.

As for the practical aspects, there is dilation which scares me to death. Complications like fistulas scare me to death too. Then there is pain and recovery... and then whether to have the surgery in the US, Canada or Thailand. I really wanted to go to Thailand but I don't think I could take 30 days off. I really wish there was a surgery that didn't involve dilation (that isn't a "cosmetic vagina").

Well, I still got time.

And I'm enjoying emerging from and leaving my old self behind. I really enjoy going out as myself now, but it has come to the point of being just... normal, which is kind of weird. I can't wait to come out at work and finally go full-time, and finally live.

I am especially glad that lawmakers are "getting it" and realizing that surgery is not necessary for changing gender legally. I am going to change everything when I get my name change, right down to my naturalization certificate. This way I can be "legal" in all 50 states. My birth certificate will still have the error on it, but I'll fight for change in the laws in that country too. One day they'll stop listening to the religious fundamentalists and come around.

[ImagineKate]

This morning something weird happened.

I was going to work. I usually dress femme underneath (cause I'm not out at work) and wear a fleece and men's coat above it.

When I was walking in the bus station parking lot I saw my shadow, and it looked like a woman's... Wait a minute, that couldn't be me? I stopped. The shadow stopped. Uh, yeah it is! I know I'm taking shape but it's weird to see it everywhere I go. I'll have to stop hiding soon.

[Jenna Marie]

BunnyBee : That's true, we'll never know what might have happened if we'd started younger... I'm glad you're happy overall, at least.

Kate : I'm not arguing that anyone should have GRS (it's an intensely personal decision and there's no right or wrong to it except what a person wants for themselves), but I will say that I was terrified of many of those things too - and they mostly turned out to be nonissues. The surgeon explained that it's not as invasive a procedure as it sounds, because the abdominal cavity is never breached; the pain was well-managed and not severe, and I was off all pain meds but Tylenol by day 3. The recovery featured primarily exhaustion, since within a couple weeks I could do almost anything I did before (except bike riding and sitting on hard surfaces!) for at least short periods. Dilation was annoying and boring, but not terrible, and now I'm down to 15 minutes once a week or less.  It's hard to explain, but I was scared of dilation until I *had* a vagina, because I just could not imagine or envision what sticking something in there would be like. But once I did, and did it for the first time, it was no big deal.

[ImagineKate]

Kate : I'm not arguing that anyone should have GRS (it's an intensely personal decision and there's no right or wrong to it except what a person wants for themselves), but I will say that I was terrified of many of those things too - and they mostly turned out to be nonissues. The surgeon explained that it's not as invasive a procedure as it sounds, because the abdominal cavity is never breached; the pain was well-managed and not severe, and I was off all pain meds but Tylenol by day 3. The recovery featured primarily exhaustion, since within a couple weeks I could do almost anything I did before (except bike riding and sitting on hard surfaces!) for at least short periods. Dilation was annoying and boring, but not terrible, and now I'm down to 15 minutes once a week or less.  It's hard to explain, but I was scared of dilation until I *had* a vagina, because I just could not imagine or envision what sticking something in there would be like. But once I did, and did it for the first time, it was no big deal.

Jenna, I hear you and to be honest it matches everything I've been hearing. But I'm still scared. Anyway I will overcome my fear sooner or later. I feel I am headed in the SRS direction anyway but I'm certainly in no rush. As I said there are a couple of things that would tip the scales in my favor, but another major one is if my birth country allows change of sex on birth certificates but requires surgery to do so. I would bite the bullet and do it then, because then I truly would be "complete" on paper and in reality. I doubt they'd be as progressive as some US states that just require a therapist letter or a form filled out.

[Jenna Marie]

Kate : Fair enough, and hey, if you do overcome it you'll be one up on me. I was scared up until the minute I went under! That also makes sense about the birth certificates; I sympathize completely, as I was born in one of the US states that requires GRS. (Annoyingly, I was born there, but I only *lived* there for the first two years of my life.)

[galaxy]

In my opinion transition is a game - you can have luck or you can't. And after passing the 30s the luck runs more and more low. Here in germany i know a lot of women havent such good results as here in the board. And good results are the base for a better life after transition. If you doesnt reach your goals you change one package of problems with another only. Doesnt have any body results is hard to handle ... how do you style your thin and flat mans-hair every day to look like a woman - i'm no magician - its simply unpossible. People told my estrogen will make it better, thicker ... *lol* ... same with the fat distribution. Its hard to find woman-clothes for a man-shaped-body. Ive no hips and a wide waist with that applelike fat-distribution. Theres no jeans and no shirt when you want to have skinny clothes. I dont buy any swimsuites or bikinis - it looks terribile - its summer in a few month and i cant go swimming or something else like that.

In short: everytime i do need a feminine body i'm out of game. I'm so ashamed of myself. In the face i'm looking a bit like a woman and my body is a ordinary "man". Ive no breast growth, muscle like a man, fat like a man, ... and believe me thats a real bad fate. I'm 2 years now on HRT, now on injections - maybe we doing something wrong with my doctor or my gens not able to work with estrogens. I dont know. I only know my life isnt become much better with the transtion. I lost a lot of old problems, but got a lot more of new. I really wish things would run better.

[EmmaMcAllister]

Regarding the SRS/non-op issue: It's such a serious surgery, with such unpredictable results. I don't think it should be considered the default option. I decided at the outset that I can tolerate my penis as long as my testes are gone. If you don't need it gone, consider sparing yourself dangerous surgery.

As for transitioning in my 30's, yes I wish I started earlier, but I don't think I started too late. I'm lucky that I'm very small, and I have delicate features. I'll need a bit of facial work, but I think I'll be happy when I'm finished.

[Ruth Ruthless]

how do you style your thin and flat mans-hair every day to look like a woman - i'm no magician - its simply unpossible. People told my estrogen will make it better, thicker ... *lol* ... same with the fat distribution.

I've got another bleak truth that has a bright side to it. While we obsess over these things most people don't notice if we wear the right things.

For the hair, you could always go my route - I decided to shave it completely and wear human hair wigs. People rarely ever spot them being wigs. I don't remember the last time anyone spotted a wig without me telling them.

For the fat distribution, body wise... again, people don't really look that much. I wear a tight woman fit t-shirt and tight pants. The shirts themselves aren't really tight on my body. They have this additional curve they add at the bottom that I don't have. Sometimes I will try to wear something that shows my belly and people will frown upon it or say nothing like it's embarassing. People don't want to see our bodies. They are used to having them hidden anyway, and you can hide them behind clothes that make your body shape look feminine enough.

As for face fat distribution, there are of course limits to this in most cases, but they can be overcome with surgery.

As for eating a lot due to hormone urges - I might be the only one with the "will of steel" to do it, but I eat whole plant foods only - fruits, vegetables, legumes, seeds and nuts, and it works great to control my weight while eating as much as I want, and recently I've found myself not wanting to eat as much anymore either since I eat nothing addictive and I'm actually satiated for the first time in my life

So to conclude even in the worst case scenario, you can fix your hair to pass with others, you can fix your body shape to pass with others via clothes, you can fix your face with surgery and if a big belly from eating all the time is a problem you can eat the right nutrition that lets you eat all the time while losing it.

It won't give 24/7 experience because of the hair and seeing your body shape naked in the mirror still looking at best like a skinny guy. But you're the only one who has to look at yourself naked in the mirror. That's important too, but I'm not claiming what's impossible.

You can have something "horribly" male to work with and still get something *half* decently female out of it with enough work looking for decent human hair wigs (I buy mine custom from aliexpress) and some work on nutrition to get yourself to the "skinny bald man template" state to be a "blank canvas" over which you can use the wig and clothes to paint over, and once you combine these with FFS, even if the hormones themselves did nothing, you will pass with all these elements IMO with others, and look like some weird man-woman naked in the mirror. That's probably what's going to happen to me.

[galaxy]

So to conclude even in the worst case scenario, you can fix your hair to pass with others, you can fix your body shape to pass with others via clothes, you can fix your face with surgery and if a big belly from eating all the time is a problem you can eat the right nutrition that lets you eat all the time while losing it.

Thats the point. It cant be the sense of my "new life" to always fix some things of my body. The goal was to live and not to fix. My weight is 122lbs at a height of 1,70m ... so i dont think that i need to lose weight. Ive no real belly, i have a athletic body ... but its sporty, not feminine. I reduced my excerises since 2 years to minimum, but nothing happens. I still see muscles on the belly, on my legs, arms, chest ... its still sporty and masculine. In my old live a had the dreams which transition in the new has destroyed.

And yes, i wish i had began 10 years earlier, better 15 years. For me it was too late.

[Ruth Ruthless]

Doesn't sound to me like you need to lose weight either. About the muscles if they aren't big ones they aren't going to ruin the empty canvas. Can still wear clothes over them and people won't see it as long as all the other elements are there.

[antonia]

In all honesty I personally think you look better than most CIS women.

The image many of us have in our head is unrealistic and unobtainable for 90% of the CIS population, yes there are a handful of trans girls that look stunning and can model in magazines just like there are a handful of CIS girls that can do that.

Unfortunately we don't see 90% of the people in the world as we walk around because they are "unremarkable", you are judging yourself and comparing to the other top 10%

Also keep in mind that beauty and ideal body shape is a very subjective thing, most curvy girls would kill for a sporty toned body.

If you want a curvy body you can put on weigh but like with 90% of girls it's all going to go to the wrong places, when I came out to my sister she told me that If I put on weight it would all go to my belly, nothing to my hips, butt or breasts cause that's her experience.

Do a simple test, if you work in a standard office or a place where there is a good mixture of people look around you at the girls, then count the number of girls you would do a body swap with and the number you would not and see where you think you rate.

Thats the point. It cant be the sense of my "new life" to always fix some things of my body. The goal was to live and not to fix. My weight is 122lbs at a height of 1,70m ... so i dont think that i need to lose weight. Ive no real belly, i have a athletic body ... but its sporty, not feminine. I reduced my excerises since 2 years to minimum, but nothing happens. I still see muscles on the belly, on my legs, arms, chest ... its still sporty and masculine. In my old live a had the dreams which transition in the new has destroyed.

And yes, i wish i had began 10 years earlier, better 15 years. For me it was too late.

[galaxy]

My mom is over 60 and looks more feminine than me - has more curves ... my sister too, all of my cis-friends. Ive a typical man body and all that things should be changed by the hormones didnt change over all the time. It has nothing to do with a image of a model ... i only want to be a simple woman and a body that reminds people on a woman - not a man. Thats a huge, huge different.

[antonia]

Just to be clear, you'd be fine with:





Cause that's what normal women look like.

Believe me that I understand where you are coming from, I wish I had curves and and hourglass figure but most women do not have an hourglass figure or C cup breasts. They work with what they have and use clothing and shape-wear to change their appearance.

I don't know what you were expecting or reading but bone structure does not change on hormones unless you start taking them before the age of 20, from the sound of it you are active and don't have a lot of fat on your body so where would the curves come from?

Hormones are not magic pills that will fix everything, just like normal girls we have to deal with the cards we were dealt and the genes we got, most will never be happy with their bodies regardless of the chromosomes we have.

My mom is over 60 and looks more feminine than me - has more curves ... my sister too, all of my cis-friends. Ive a typical man body and all that things should be changed by the hormones didnt change over all the time. It has nothing to do with a image of a model ... i only want to be a simple woman and a body that reminds people on a woman - not a man. Thats a huge, huge different.

[katiej]

Kate, I never even thought about needing to get my Mexican birth certificate changed.  It's hand written in Spanish, so anytime I've needed a birth certificate I've always used my US Certificate of Birth Abroad (which should be easy to change).  Do you actually need to change the original, or is it just a matter of wanting to have it done.



Galaxy, welcome to being a girl.  Our beauty culture teaches girls from very early age to nitpick the things they don't like about themselves.  We as trans women have larger obstacles to overcome, but I agree with everyone else that it helps to come to an acceptance of our situation and to work with what we've got.  Women use fashion and makeup to mask their flaws.  For them it's about feeling/looking cute...for us it's about passing first and then hopefully looking/feeling cute.

After 2 years of HRT, you don't have any breast growth?  Have you tried progesterone?  My understanding is that docs will often bring that into the mix later on to encourage development if estrogen hasn't done enough.

Have you thought about trying to gain some weight?  At your height and only 122lbs it sounds like you probably don't have much fat to be distributed anywhere.  Another 15-20lbs could make a real difference, especially after being on HRT so long your body would probably put it in the right places.  And you'd still be reasonably thin.

[Jenna Marie]

I have a cis friend who's 6 feet tall and 130 pounds; no curves to speak of, barely-A breasts. (She tries like crazy to gain weight but her metabolism just doesn't allow it.) She's athletic and muscular and - clearly - very skinny. There are times when she's very unhappy with her body, since it turns out that a body like a supermodel doesn't do a woman any favors when she's got an average face and is out and about among people who expect women to have some curves. And she actually does take the advice to dress in a way that flatters the body she has; she wears shirts that accentuate and enhance her bosom and skirts that give the illusion of hips and shoes that show off her long legs, etc. Yet she takes for granted that she'll be perceived as a woman, and for the most part she is.

Basically, not even cis women all win the genetic lottery at having "feminine" bodies. Yeah, it sucks harder to be trans and be built like that (and I agree that some extra weight might help, even if all it does is add some general padding over bones), but the thing is that it's definitely still possible to be seen as a woman with enough other cues.

[Ruth Ruthless]

Jenna, at least said cis woman probably has a passing female face and a full set of female looking hair and therefore has no trouble being identified as female despite her figure. I also naturally have that kind of figure except I have no hair and no female face. I will have to go through ffs and tracheal shave and assuming they do the job you could still spot my wig if you try and I can't wear it for very long and might not pass without it even with the surgery. So there is indeed cause to envy cis girls and as for gaining weight it doesn't help. It just goes to the belly and doesn't make me more feminine. So I agree can at least pass one day some of the time at great cost one day if the surgery works but only part time. I will never know what it feels to always be seen by others and myself to have the body of a woman and yes I have other things others don't have. Would I take a fatter cis body over mine? If you keep my mind as is then yes because I eat well enough to melt the fat off any body with time.

[Jenna Marie]

Ruth, I think you and Galaxy both are too hard on yourselves (though I know we're our own harshest critics, I am too). In photos of your faces, you both look absolutely female. You both have very stark, dramatic bone structure - I envy that - but unequivocally femininely so.

(I thought you'd said people very rarely notice it's a wig unless you tell them, but it's true that that's an issue too.)