MTF Transitioning in your thirties (30's)?

[Ave]

The generality is a blanket statement, which often seem to miss the mark.

Any seemingly straight person will be higher in some "pecking orders" than any one who seems to be trans or not straight. But, it goes the other way, too. There are pecking orders in which one loses status for seeming to be not queer enough.

If others choose to treat me differently because of how they perceive me, the these others are the ones in the wrong, not I.

Of course not, but you DO (or at least DID) take advantage of those "bonuses" you got, right?

These "queer' pecking orders are meaningless. Those in the positions of power and their prejudices determine how the rungs are arranged.

And of course, we know straight white males (and to an extent, cis white females) are in the positions of power so that their prejudices can negatively impact the rest of us.

Any person who is part of the minority can be prejudiced, but it takes prejudice +power to have racism and so that those beliefs actually impact society.

[Constance]

In the early '90's, I was turned down for jobs given the reason, "We only hire women for those jobs." In that time when my wife and I needed and applied for public assistance, we were denied based on our race.

In the early 2000's, I found that I did not qualify for grants or scholarships because I was a white male. If I had been not white, I would have qualified. If I had been a white female, I would have qualified. If I had been a non-white female, I really would have qualified.

There are multiple pecking orders, and it seems that white folk in general are blamed for what white folk in power have done. Mine was a low-income family for about the first 12 years of our marriage. That's with both spouses working full time and with lofty job titles (senior computer technician, lactation educator). If there are so many bonuses I've been given, how can this be? How can it be that I'm 43 with nearly no saving because I've been working to support my family. Where are these alleged bonuses? It takes more than a penis and white skin to get them, I can assure you.

[Dahlia]

I think this USED to be the case (at least I've heard from older trans girls) where white transitioners would typically be older and minority transitioners would be younger. Also, the white transitioners lived "straight" lives (or were lesbians) and minority transitioners were almost always "Gay" (interested in men so "hetero").

I think no one really does talk about the reluctance of white males who lead seemingly "straight" lives to transition. It's as if they don't want to acknowledge that their race and oppurtunites DO get them ahead.

I've written several times the same opinion...it's almost like being MTF is a privileged, straight, white men's thing.

[Dahlia]

. Where are these alleged bonuses? It takes more than a penis and white skin to get them, I can assure you.

Being perceived by society in general as a straight, white passable guy is a bonus in itself. You'll have your oppurtunities and chances just up for grabs.

Being perceived as a feminine, gay person from early childhood on will make society scold on you and ruin your chances and oppurtunities.

[ashley_thomas]

I'll confirm "white privilege" is a reason...

I'm 37, started seeing a therapist this past March.  I probably won't transition until I'm well into my 40's.  I came out to my wife at 27 and was harder on myself than she was, though at the time a full transition would have been emotionally difficult for her.  Otherwise she has been great about it and I am sort of out at home to my young kids.

So, reasons I'm waiting? Money, not the lack of it, but the presence of it. I am the only income earner and I make really good money.  We plan to have a very modest retirement sooner rather than later, but the fact is, my status as a tall, straight, white guy with a wife and kids who seemingly conforms to expectations has been fantastic financially and makes the decision to transition a little complicated.  I have no complaints, we all have hard choices, this just happens to be mine.

[Rowan Rue]

Hi everyone, looks like I'm in this boat too.
I'm 32, came out last week to my wife and some close friends after believing for, I don't know how long, that it was already to late to transition.
I'm looking for a therapist right now so I can get onto hormones (hopefully as soon as possible). 
Right now I'm in a really weird place between huge relief that I'm being honest with myself and the people I love, and terrible anxiety because I can't do everything I want to do to transition right now.
Trying to stay focused on my regular day to day life is really hard right now, but I guess I have to just keep breathing and do what I can do now and be patient.
The financial aspects of transition are daunting to say the least!
It was really nice to find this thread though, reading all of your posts has helped make me feel much more sure of my decision.
Thank you all for that!

[Lavenderblooz31]

I made a false start at ages 27-28 -- nine months HRT plus gender therapy -- but then abandoned it.  Later, began the transition for real:  at age 34, began HRT; at age 36, began living full-time as a woman (kept the same job throughout the transition); just before turning 38, had SRS.

Was it easy?  No.  Was it expensive?  Yes.  Was it scary as hell?  Absolutely.  Was it exhilarating?  Yes.  Did everyone automatically accept me?  Some did, many did not; my family mostly abandoned me.  The woman I loved was very supportive and encouraging for three years, then abandoned me.  Am I now glad I did it?  YES.

One really painful emotional memory from the transition:  at my job, they celebrated birthdays by having a party in the company's lunchroom.  After having worked there one year as a man followed by 11 months as a woman in transition, they had a party for my birthday, and sitting around my table in the lunchroom were several women re-living memories of when they were young girls -- and I was embarrassingly silent, as I had no "young girl" memories to contribute....  it was awkward, weird, and very painful.  Experiences like that made me feel "different," "other," and disconnected from people.  Am I still happy I made the transition?  You bet!

For the most part, I had no problems with the HRT.  However, one really bad effect was that I began having periodic bouts of Iritis (inflammation of the iris of the eye) and that continued for a decade.  We now know that the estrogen caused it, because when I stopped the HRT at age 48, the Iritis problems also stopped.

Now, at age 64, I'm about to resume HRT and am a bit nervous about side effects -- but am happy about my decision.

I think that age has almost nothing to do with any of this.  What matters is who we are, how we feel, what we want, whether we're mature enough to deal with the very real problems that arise, whether we can afford it financially and emotionally, and having positive reinforcement from a wise therapist.  Friends help too -- I went through it largely alone, which I advise against....

[jesse]

Any person who is part of the minority can be prejudiced, but it takes prejudice +power to have racism and so that those beliefs actually impact society.

prejudice plus power equils racist im not sure i follow that line of thinking ive have know racists who had no power to speak of but it didnt make them any less a racist

[Alyx Vox]

Another trans-girl ready to transition to the real her whilst approaching her thirties. I'm 27 now, going full time starting next year.

I'm lucky I live in Belgium. SRS here costs like 600 bucks.

P.S.: Do you guys think I'll be pretty once I'm transitioned? I'm also on a diet now,
even though I wouldn't call it that. I just don't eat much, don't have the appetite.
Willing to bring my weight to 70 (or even 65) kilos. Right now it's easy for me to not eat,
dunno why. Must be my self-realization.

EDIT(better pics):
How I look now:

This one's a bit blurry, since the lens doesn't have auto-focus, so it's hard to focus without

looking into the eye of the camera.

http://s14.postimage.org/ezt3akkps/IMG_1696a.jpg



Pics with less blur.

http://s15.postimage.org/ff7zqz12i/IMG_1678a.jpg

http://s16.postimage.org/tddoneles/IMG_1695a.jpg

http://s11.postimage.org/e8klvnz02/IMG_1676a.jpg

Notice my lips. They've been damaged
in an accident when I was a kid. I think they're kinda cute when I'm thin though.

[Inazuma]

Hi,
I'm new in here, first post
I'm 27 (closer to 28 than 26) I don't know at all if I should really start some HRT..
I guess first I should contact a support group and/or therapist.. (Actually I don't feel ready for sure, but also confused overall if I want that)

I would like to know for you that started arround my age or even older;
Did you always non stop were thinking about Transitioning, or it was more something coming and going.?
Where you convinced at some point that it was a foolish Idea that you had, and that being a men is what you are? And then maybe a month or 2 after, the questionning comes back !

I ask this because, sometimes I won't think at all about it and I feel great as I am. ( and also handsome as a guy)
But then every once in a while, I really ask myself the question about my Gender identity. Then I spend hours looking on the web for information, reading forums, articles, etc.. Or also dreaming of how nice it would be to be a women.
..


How was it for you ?


xx

[Adabelle]

Alyx, I think you'll transition really well. Especially at your age.

Inazuma. I think a lot of people have doubts, I certainly have had them and still do. Transitioning is a really big thing, and it has a huge impact on our own lives and the lives of those we love. Ultimately you are the one that has to sort of weigh it all out and determine if this is something you need or want to do. For me I decided it was something that I had to do or I would be miserable my whole life. In my case, I am much happier for it.

[JenniL]

Yea I bounced back and forth with the whole transitioning or not to transition. Mostly out of fear of the unknown. Fearing of loosing my job. What my family would think. My wife at the time. Fearing that I was broke inside that I was a bad person. tell a kid that over and over they eventually believe it Kept bottling up everything until that unfortunate day that happened a little over two and a half years ago.  After that i decided I needed to transition so I found a therapist. started HRT about 5 months later. I was 32 at that time.

Transitioning isn't easy and shouldn't be taken lightly. It is hard work for everyone involved with you. I learned who my real friends were and who were not. my dad doesn't really talk to me anymore but he at leasts acknowledged me. my step mom is a big supporter my sister was like I wondered when you were going to transition. My brother oh well his lost. ex-wife not a fan but undetstands. the girls at work at cool about my transitioning so are most of the guys. of course there were a folks that don't agree with it.

But despite the bad that goes with transitioning, I am much happier person. I am who I was suppose to be from the get go. As for results, security denied me access to work because I don't look like my work picture or sound like a guy anymore.

only you can make the decision to transition. Talk to therapist that specializes in gender identity.

hope this is somewhat of answer you were looking for.

[Alainaluvsu]

I would like to know for you that started arround my age or even older;
Did you always non stop were thinking about Transitioning, or it was more something coming and going.?
Where you convinced at some point that it was a foolish Idea that you had, and that being a men is what you are? And then maybe a month or 2 after, the questionning comes back !

I ask this because, sometimes I won't think at all about it and I feel great as I am. ( and also handsome as a guy)
But then every once in a while, I really ask myself the question about my Gender identity. Then I spend hours looking on the web for information, reading forums, articles, etc.. Or also dreaming of how nice it would be to be a women.

How was it for you ?

I started therapy when I was 27, HRT when I was 28 (nearly 29), and I transitioned a few months ago. Tomorrow is my 30th birthday.

Being trans was always in the back of my head. It felt like the biggest skeleton in my closet that I hoped nobody found out about, and it was ALWAYS with me with every conversation I have ever had with anybody. It was stronger at some points in my life, mostly when I was lonely. There was never really a question for me that I was what I was, it was just a matter of if I could keep it hidden and out of my life forever. There were points in my life that I was closer to transition than in other points but I chickened out, though.

I didn't know if I'd ever become a passable woman. I made a pretty cute guy myself. I had a feeling that it was possible though. But before I got on HRT and up until I started seeing some strong results, I was at the point of saying "If it doesn't look like I'm going to pass, there's no point in living" ... if you get my drift.

Now people think I make a better looking girl than a guy! The transition went way, way smoother than I could ever have hoped. I truly believe that if something is meant to happen, it will as long as you put your foot forward to make it happen.

But there was never any doubt in my heart that I'm a girl. Ever.

[Cindy]

I'm late 50's, going great and very happy. Did I take advantage of appearing to be a white male?

I live in Australia, the only advantages you get are the ones you work for.

I've worked my tush off and will continue to do so. Funnily I've found the harder I work, the harder I try, the more I take care of people and more I can give to people less fortunate than I. The luckier I get.

Acceptance and happiness? When you look in the mirror and see your eyes and there is no hate and no privilege, just you.


Let us be very careful about saying any group being fortunate or less fortunate. We are people and we have to take care of each other, because in many cases that is all we have to give to someone else. And if we cannot give. We cannot receive.

We do not want to break Susan's ToS.

Cindy James

Global Moderator.

[Siobhan]

coming up on 33 now
been on hormones less than a year but seems they are working a bit..better than I thought really. I also dieted down from 14stone to 10.. that helped a lot. Had 3 laser sessions so far..
Overall im on target for my going FT in a year.
Its never too late.

[Brooke777]

In the near future I will be 30. I will be going full time a couple of weeks after. Soon I will see exactly how much "male privilege" I have.

[rachl]

I lost my privilege pretty quickly. Within a few months, even for people who've known me professionally for a long time, it was gone. I started being spoken over, ignored, discounted, etc. On a small plus side, males will wait a lot longer holding the door open for me.

[AngieT]

I began my journey in July 2003 at the age of 35.  (HRT/therapy/laser)   I changed my name/ID/SSA and began living/working as a woman full time three months later in October 2003, and came out to my family in December 2003 after 1.5 months living FT.  I've since spent the last 9 years living a very happy and productive life, and nobody around me (besides my spouse) has any clue about my past.  I can live with that. 

Follow your heart and find happiness, and you'll live a much happier life.  30 something is NOT too late!

Angie

[Alyx Vox]

Alyx, I think you'll transition really well. Especially at your age.

Inazuma. I think a lot of people have doubts, I certainly have had them and still do. Transitioning is a really big thing, and it has a huge impact on our own lives and the lives of those we love. Ultimately you are the one that has to sort of weigh it all out and determine if this is something you need or want to do. For me I decided it was something that I had to do or I would be miserable my whole life. In my case, I am much happier for it.

Yeah, I have the same thing. I know that unless I transition I'm always gonna be miserable.
I know that because for most of my life I was exactly that or detached, which is even worse,
because it gives one false comfort. It's not life either way.

How do I know I have to transition to be happy? I'm kinda happy now,
never been more alive than now. It all started on the day I found my true self.
Imagine how happy I will be once I'm transitioned.

[twit]

I waited til I was 40 and look how horrible I turned out.   Still happy though.