Why is it once a month I am putting up with this? Ever since I was in my early teens I've had periodic mood problems, a person who is lucid for 85% of the month but the other 15% a raving lunatic. Well not raving, just will start yelling or crying at the drop of a hat. I know, mainly from driving and family what it is to get ticked off or frustrated... but those feelings are quickly fleeting, when I'm normal the worst emotion I usually feel constantly is apathetic, but doing that stuff easily shoves it off and it only really tortures me on those nights it takes me longer to sleep.
The problem is I am a female who has 'transitioned' in the past to make her documents and intimate parts match everything else. You know, the kind without a biological reason for hormone fueled mood swings. 3-4 straight days I'm always burning up inside, flustered...wanting to cry and then I'm back to my 'normal' happy and hard to faze self for just over a fortnight.
Never actually attacked someone during these mood benders, but I could definitely say its hurt me over the years. Hormone therapy had no effect on it, even with T as a teen, and I have tried every combo of estrogen, estrogen+progesterone and my meds are all plant sourced natural kind. SRS(which as far as I know was perfectly routine) has had no effect on it, nor has messing with the levels of hormone replacement. My endo's in the past always wanted to run test I could simply not afford with my nonexistent or half baked health insurance. Anger management helps, well as much as a problem that is absent long enough for it to catch you off guard when it finally comes back.
I just want say to... whatever IT IS are, whatever demons from inside that poke out. F88K YOU. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS, I HATE THE GUILT AND SHAME AFTERWARDS,
most of us know what its like.... but dammit I'm soo sick of it.
