Nicky: It is too bad that you are not here in L.A. and tell that to a person in my family, who goes ballistic seeing me in that blouse. I like it.
The problem is that I get mixed feedback. I would say that about half the time people call me by female names and the rest I get sired. Yes, small photos hide stuff. My forehead and hair both say male. I also have hair on my arms, which does not help. If I were to get ma'amed all the time, then I would feel better, but I do hear sir. The lack of support inside the home does not help either.
Virginia Marie (and others): I just got back from dinner, but while driving to eat, I was thinking on this topic. I should be happy, since I now know that a smile is what other women do to greet each other and I have wanted to pass as a woman for my entire life. I should be on top of the world, but that is far from the case. I am alone in many ways. I have the pain and anger of wanting something. That is hard to just let go, especially when I see the opposite too. I keep being reminded that I have a male body, okay not fully but still a lot.
Jilieanne: I only was in the women's restroom at work a few times and that was last year. That was my first and only time so far. I enjoyed it. It was calming, believe it or not. I tried to pick times, when others were not in, but that is hard to predict. One woman started to talk to me, which was nice. I did not get any negative remarks then. I then was asked to work from home and got laid off, so that took care of that.
The other time that I went to the women's restroom, at a local Macy's, was about a couple of months ago. I went with a family member, who forced me to go in a men's polo shirt. I hesitate to say transphobic, although that is the word that comes to mind, but maybe embarassed and religiously conflicted would be better words. Still, I had to go ot the bathroom, so I sent her on her way to do something else. I asked where the bathroom was. I was in a men's polo shirt and had listened to "him" and my male name for however long before hand, so I was assuming that even God would speak to me as Arnold Schwarzenneger, ultra male. I asked one employee and I was directed to the women's restroom on the 2nd floor. I figured that maybe the men's restroom was there, but I thought that it was on the 3rd floor. I asked three other people on both floors and I got told the same thing. I was then on the 3rd floor and I seriouisly had to go. A 25 year old woman stopped me and asked if she could help. I asked where the restroom was and she said that I have to go down to the second floor and look underneath water sign. After the fifth time, I went like a bullet to the second floor. Thankfully the restroom was empty, but I guessed that I passed. That incident floored me, although since then I hear male too.
I should probably add another topic about how to find a trans group here in my area. It seems that L.A. is not the trans anything, at least in my area. An online group is nice, but I still hear only myself and see myself.
JohnR: I guess it does, slowly but surely. I have to see myself that way and that is hard. I keep seeing (and feeling) the male parts of me (between my legs), my male voice, and more important than body parts, my past, and it is hard to move beyond that. Is it easier for F2M or is it the same there? Chaz seems to be doing fine, but that I presume is mostly show and tell, not inside the home and real feelings. The home situation is not helping matters any either. Nobody would believe that story. I do not believe it.
Without any feedback when interactions / inclusiveness happens, it is hard to know that happens, especially now at the beginning. I keep hearing both positive and negative comments (especially at home) and not growing up as a girl and knowing those traits makes it hard to know that I am, if that makes sense. I was a girl in my heart but being a girl in real life and society is different than being a girl in my heart, at least for me. It does not help that I get to use men's locker rooms at the health club and other similar problems.
I keep pushing as best that I can.
Thanks all. :-)
