RAWWRRGGHH Anger!!!

[PixieBoy]

Well, now he's gone. I left him. I am a cruel, heartless, total bastard, but I'm too mentally screwed-up to handle a romantic relationship.

He wanted a girlfriend to show the tormentors of his past that "Ha, you idiots, now I have a girlfriend so you can all sod off!". He got me, and I pretended to be a girl for a while, even though my mind/gut feeling said "No!" (I repressed the feelings).
He loved the drag show and not me, so he can get a real girl instead of a boy who looks like one.

I'm free now. Alone, not lonely. We had our good times, but this was ultimately necessary.

[Lee]

I know you feel like crap for it, but it'll be best for him too. 
Congrats man

[Sean]

Congrats on your dead weight loss. Looks good on you. 

[cynthialee]

You need room to spread your wings. He was holding you back.

[xAndrewx]

I'm sorry that you feel like crap about it man but it sounds like it was for the best. Best wishes towards the future, maybe next time around you'll meet someone who will love you for the man you are

[tekla]

He says that more physical violence is the key to being a man

He's asking for it.

[PixieBoy]

And now I feel like crying except I can't. I am heartless, I've done a terrible thing. I wish he would love me for who I am and not what I look like, but I'm not sure if he can. Will see if I can take a week's pause, and then see what happens. It's very difficult, and I feel like the most wretched, undeserving scum to ever live.

[JerkBoy]

Ending things with him doesn't make you a bad person. It isn't a moral crime to want to be happy, and you deserve to be happy. He does too, so maybe you'll both find happiness this way. Could you still be friends?

[E]

You have not done a terrible thing. A relationship needs two parties to function - when one is unhappy with the state of the relationship, the only options available are to fix it or to break it. Fixing it would have required him to accept you - he didn't. He had every chance to fix your relationship, but he didn't. The burden is on him, not on you - you simply took the only option he left you. Being trans is hard enough without also being trapped in a bad relationship. And had you waited, chances are the breakup would come, anyway, only then it'd be hard, bitter and painful, and you'd end up without any chance of even being friends.

[xAndrewx]

And now I feel like crying except I can't. I am heartless, I've done a terrible thing. I wish he would love me for who I am and not what I look like, but I'm not sure if he can. Will see if I can take a week's pause, and then see what happens. It's very difficult, and I feel like the most wretched, undeserving scum to ever live.

Dude ya gotta stop blaming yourself from walking away from something that was hurting you. Give it time, think it all over, but you are an awesome guy. Yes, awesome guy. He should not have been comfortable with being someone who was lying to make him feel better and you should not be beating yourself up for breaking up with a person who wasn't with you for you.

He wanted a girlfriend to show the tormentors of his past that "Ha, you idiots, now I have a girlfriend so you can all sod off!". He got me, and I pretended to be a girl for a while, even though my mind/gut feeling said "No!" (I repressed the feelings).
I'm free now. Alone, not lonely. We had our good times, but this was ultimately necessary.

Don't forget that. Things are going to be tough for a while if you stay broken up but do not let yourself forget that. You're not cruel, heartless. You cannot live a fake life for someone else and a person who truly loves you wouldn't want you to.

[Osiris]

Honestly, I don't think you could have givin each other what you both wanted. Sure it seems harsh to leave him now, but it opens up the opportunity for the both of you to find what you really want and need.

Don't be hard on yourself for doing what needed to be done, and would have been done sooner or later.

[Arch]

So, my boyfriend is disproving my manliness at the moment. It's annoying me. Seriously.
What do I tell him? He says that more physical violence is the key to being a man, and stuff like that.
How do I counter such attacks?

Deck him.

[Arch]

Seriously, you have to take responsibility for your own life, and he for his. He might think that the two of you are compatible, but it takes two to tango. If you're not happy with him, you are right not to stick with him.

If you continue to feel like a heel, ask yourself what your alternatives were.

[GnomeKid]

Whenever he says that punch him in the head.  I imagine he will soon not ask you to be more violent.

[brainiac]

You did the right thing. I haven't been around, but I remember the way he'd been treating you before, when you first started posting here... honestly, he did not stop hurting you, and that is unacceptable. You gave him room and time to adjust, and he still went out of his way to say these very hurtful things to you, over and over.

You are not "too mentally screwed up" for a relationship. He is the one doing all of the harmful things here, not you. You have been open and honest about what you need, and while he has fluctuated back and forth between respecting you and insulting you, it really does not seem like he respects you as a person, and like HE is not mentally healthy enough to be in ANY relationship, with a trans person or not.

Take the time now to heal, Mal (or, er, PixieBoy? whoops). Give yourself some space from him. It will hurt a lot for now, and we're all here for you... and it WILL get better.

[pixiegirl]

Sounds like you did the best thing in the long run, for both of you. Yeah it may hurt for a bit, but it's always sad when something doesn't work out right, and feeling bad for a while is just part of it. Sucks. But if he wasn't happy with you being who you are, then he wasn't going to be happy being with you either, so ending it was probably the best move. Going from what you've said he may never have seen that. And thats not even going into how it sounds like he was just being a right all round ->-bleeped-<- to you...

Still... *pixiehug*

p.s. the proper angry sound is 'grrrowwwrgghh' for pixies 

[Teknoir]

You did a sensible, and logical thing.

It would have been crueller to you both, not to mention a great big waste of time, to string him along while dressing in drag.

You'd just be denying him the opportunity to find what he wants, while denying yourself any form of identity (and the opportunity to find someone that loves you for more than your drag costume). I can't see anyone that benefits from that scenario.

Now you're both free. Free to pursue what you both need to be happy.

I don't think you've been heartless whatsoever. As people grow and change, so do their relationships. Yours just ran it's natural course. No point in dragging it out.

If you found you two really got on well, then there is no reason that you can't become friends again (in a different context of course) later on down the track (once the hurt is gone).

[PixieBoy]

Well... we're together again. I've told him that he can either take me as I am or leave me, and those are the choices. He kind of "disproved my manliness" yesterday; I told him that as soon as he got uncomfortable being with a guy (me), he should get out. He replied that he didn't think I was a guy and that the psychological tests would prove him to be right. It made me very sad.

Should I brek up with him for real? Should I wait for him to come around?

I really dislike it when he does things like that, calls me she and her, says I'm not a guy, etc...

[PixieBoy]

I like talking with him, and he's said that breaking up would be akin to putting a knife into his heart and twisting it around.

I feel like a jerk no matter what I do.

I think it maybe would be better if it ended, it's just that I can't hurt him. I wish he would realize that it would be for the best for him as well.

I took time writing the letter to him, about me leaving him. He read the first seven letters of it. I put time into making that letter as good as I could.

I dunno what to do, I'm split here... Leave him or stay?

[Farm Boy]

I know where you're coming from.  I have a friend (who also has AS) who got it in his head that we should be together and that he should get to decide what I did with my life.  He was after me constantly, using all the emotional blackmail tactics you've mentioned, with a healthy dose of paranoia about me "leaving him" although we were never together in any way. 

Long story short, I had to just stop communicating with him.  I felt horrible about it, (and I still do) but after being jerked around emotionally for months, worrying about him and his paranoia and threats to harm himself, I finally realized something.  I couldn't live my life for him.  It was damaging to me, and it wasn't helping him either because the situation never improved.  I wanted to help him and I tried to, but I simply wasn't qualified to give the kind of help that he needed.

It sounds to me like you're in a similar situation.  Your boyfriend is not respecting you as a person, and he's become a heavy weight on your shoulders.  I think you need to think seriously about what's in YOUR best interest.  I know you care about him, but you can't live your life to someone else's standards and be honest with yourself at the same time.  Trying to do both will leave you miserable, frustrated, and depressed, and that's no way to live.  If you end it once and for all it will hurt and you will feel bad about it, but in retrospect you'll likely realize that it was the best thing to do.