So difficult.

[KillBelle]

I know i shouldn't be posting my problems on public forums, but i am going through such a difficult time right now and i have nobody that i can tell this to (nobody that can fully understand at least).

After i told my boyfriend about my trans status, he flipped out and left me. He then came back, we had a rational conversation that lasted hours and he said that he will try to live with the fact that his gf used to be a he. We had an arrangement where we will try to go back to things the way that they were and see if things will be "normal" for him. Well he gave me an answer tonight on christmas eve and said that all this is just too awkward. There's nothing i can do, i think a part of me died hearing that.
I am not looking for advice or anything, i guess i just wanted to throw this out there to anyone who have had their boyfriends drop them because of their trans status and can share their stories here.

I am not looking for an argument and please dont be mean, i just really need some form of support. Thanks.

[A]

I do not have any similar experience, but I am putting my virtual hand on your shoulder.

...They say ice cream is appropriate for times like this. Be strong.

[KillBelle]

thank you so much

[Kendall]

I have said goodby, and I have been dumped - not directly related to trans issues but I think the hurt is similar.

Yea, it is so difficult. My heart goes out to you.

Big virtual hug.

kendall

[CaitJ]

Unfortunately I can't relate to your situation; my fiancé knew I was trans before we met for our first date.
However, I hope something works out for you, one way or another 

[rejennyrated]

I am sorry to hear of your trouble. Thankfully I have avoided any such issues. When I became post-op I made myself a promise that even if I ended up living in stealth I would always be honest with any lovers because for me to worth anything a relationship has to be based on truth.

Besides which would you really want to let a narrow minded bigot do you? I wouldn't want to be in the same room as such a person let alone be in an intimate relationship with them. It would make my flesh crawl to have them even touch me because I literally regard any person who cant cope with my trans/intersex history as completely reprehensible and beneath my contempt. They don't deserve me.

For nearly 30 years that i have been postop this policy has served me well. I have had several successful relationships of various lengths with both men and women the longest being that with Alison which started in 1988 (do the maths yourself). Yes I did get one of two that never got started but their loss was my gain! And of course once you have got any initial awkwardness out of the way then the relationship can move on and be completely normal. All my lovers had the view that they loved the woman that I was NOW and that was what was important, not what I might have once been.

As a footnote, inevitably when one sets out to be honest, fate has a way of surprising one. So it turned out that after years of telling people I had a trans history I found out that I had been actually medically intersexed, but hey that is just a minor detail.  The main point stands. Honesty is the best policy.

So take heart. You can avoid this from happening in the future. After all its much better to lose someone right at the start before things get complicated, and from experience, along with the narrow minded idiots there are actually a surprisingly large number of hot men and women who CAN cope with this.

[Sharky]

Sorry to hear that. Break ups suck. Some people will never be able to wrap their head around it, some need time, and some are cool with it from the get go. If he can't get over it, you don't need him. There billions of people in the world. I'm sure you will find someone. When my dog died someone told me the quickest way to get over a tragic event is to force yourself to do what you would be doing normally.

If my dreams come true and T morphs me into a porn star and I don't have to disclose, I won't.

[SidESlicker]

He's a jerk and quite frankly, didn't deserve you. A partnership is about commitment, and if he's too close minded to accept something that honestly, had nothing to do with him and will continue to have nothing to do with him now that he's gone, then he's just a plan eejit.

*hugs* I'm sorry, that really sucks. Cry a lot, eat a lot, hit the gym and flirt a lot. Avoid channeling your inner Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood, but otherwise don't let him ruin the holidays.

You'll find someone else.

[CaitJ]

He's a jerk and quite frankly, didn't deserve you.

I agree. He sounds like an ass.

[VeryGnawty]

...They say ice cream is appropriate for times like this.

Isn't ice cream appropriate for everything?

[annette]

Hi Pam

Off course we aren't mean, it's a matter of fact that I feel very sorry for you.
I do agree with sideslicker, he didn't deserve you, he was pretending to be open minded to lgbt but now it's close to him he isn't that open minded after all but very small minded.
Nevertheless you are in pain right now and it's hurt to be rejected for your past and believe me, most of us had that expirience or will have but think it over, when you knew before he was such a kind of small minded person I don't think you would like to have a relationship with him, do you?
So, now you're punished because of your honesty, that sucks but this is absolutely not your fault, you did what you had to do, being honest and make the relationship worked on honesty and respect, so keep your head up, there are not so many people( cis or trans) with your looks and I think many guys will be fighting for your attention.
To tell you a simular story, my partner has left me yesterday on christmas eve after 10 years, so we are in the same boat, (there must be something wrong with holidays I guess)I don't know or she is coming back or not, so that sucks too, but I know I'm strong and there where bigger fires in my life and I've all survived it so I'll survive this crise too.
I suggest you do the same thing I'll do, take a deep breath, keep your pride and go on with the struggle of life and enjoy the good moments of it because there are coming better times, I know it and you know it, there are coming better times.
So let's be lonely for christmas together on the keyboard and let's make the best of it.

a lot of love and strenght for your lonelyness and a big kiss for your honesty

annette

[JaimeJJ]

Pam, I feel your pain.  As you know I'm going through something similar myself right now.  It's so hard I know, the pain feels like you can't live another day, you go through situation after situation in your head trying to analyse what you could have said so he would have stayed, what you still can say, what you should do and what you shouldn't do etc. 

I know you aren't looking for advice, but honestly I think your bf will probably realise over the Christmas season what you have had together and will miss you.  I think he will come back to you, just give him space and time to get used to the situation.  The best thing for you to do now is to spend time with family, friends and loved ones and just try to keep your mind busy with people who love you for you.  That's what I'm doing right now and it's the only thing that is making me feel a little better.  The pain wont go away, but it will keep your mind from it for a little while.

I hope you have a good Christmas, feel free to message me if you want to talk.

[Northern Jane]

I have been around a LONG time and have had some very promising relationships end over that very subject but there isn't much you can do about it. I have discussed "the problem" with a few very trusted and wise male friends and realize that a guy either "gets it" and it wont phase him because he sees that you are a woman and always  were or he doesn't get it and thinks you were a guy (which, if he is straight and conservative, is more than he can handle). Honestly the odds are pretty small that he will understand, particularly if he is "older". I have been dumped more times than I care to count and only had a couple of guys that understood.

It's stinks! But that seems to be the way it is.

[justmeinoz]

I thought I was the only one who suffered a Christmas break-up, but it looks like I am not alone, and on here neither are you.  Big hug sis, don't let a deadbeat ruin your Christmas.

[spacial]

Pam.

Sending you a big hug at this time. I know we all feel so badly for you. It hurts like hell when this happens. But don't lose faith in yourself.

[Melody Maia]

Pam, I am so sorry. I know how you feel because I have a broken heart too. After I came out to my wife she thought she might be able to handle it. However, she eventually filed for divorce. 15 years of marriage over just like that. I am sitting in my family room with my wife, son and in-laws knowing that this is the last time it will be like this and I am crying and trying to hide it from them. I know that in three weeks I will be gone and trying to rebuild my life alone. It is awful.

[Janet_Girl]

Christmas Breakup suck big time.  He did come back for a bit, so that's a plus.  I can't give you any advice because the few times I told the guy, they never came back.

I have tried it up front from the get-go, and it did not work.  Now I am wondering if I should reveal after we get to know one another better.  I have no one myself , but I have a couple real prospects.  I have even thought about waiting till after SRS.  But whenever I will disclose because it is only fair to the potential partner.

All I am offer is a shoulder to cry on and a hug.

[KillBelle]

Wow, thank you everybody so much for your kindness. It's amazing, i didnt expect such a long list of responses. I feel so undeserving; thanks truly.

I feel so terrible because i hear all these stories of people breaking up with their exes of 15 years, losing their children, getting a divorce, losing their loved ones. Now i feel like a stupid little girl complaining over a 1 year relationship... it is all  very eye-openning.
Today when i woke up i realize that i am not going to kill myself over this, i deserve better and i will get better .
I do know now that i can never ever be in a relationship where i will have to hide myself again.

Just thank you for all the support. i dont know what i have done to deserve this, but you guys have no idea how much your words have given me courage. thank u thank u thank u.

love,
pam

[annette]

Hi Pam


that's the right spirit, sister.
A girl like you don't have to hide. Why should you, you've hide your true inner long enough when you had to play the other role.
And if your (ex) bf  talking about that you were a he, than I don't think your bf did understand that you were actually a women for all those years and that it is a lot of suffering till you finally have your srs and can be who you are.
But you've seen all the responses, like I said before, there must be something totally wrong with holidays.
But we are survivors sweety and like you said you deserve better, much better.

love
annette

[ameliat]

Pam and Valerie and others, If you were here with me I would give you a Big hug and cry with you..
and listen.
Love to all,
Amelia