Coming out to my trans cousin?

Cody Jensen · January 03, 2011, 12:55:15 PM

I've been thinking, if I'm coming out to anyone, I'm coming out to my trans cousin (MtF) first so that she knows where I am coming from, can understand me better, and will not judge me. However I am wondering on how to go about doing this. I feel like I just can't blurt out and say "hey look, so and so, I'm... trans". I feel that she would just feel like I'm making fun of her and I wouldn't understand what it means. I don't pass at all as male. I look totally female (part of the reason why she may not believe me). How do I tell her without making myself look like a fool? Advice?? $:-\$

sweetie87 · January 03, 2011, 01:38:03 PM

Hmm. that's some special coincidence that two cousins from one family are trans... doesn't happen a lot of times I guess. As an MTF myself-- if a cousin would came out to me I think would try to be understanding and helpful. Your cousin knows very well how if feels on the inside and won't judge you I think. As long as you are serious I don't think she has any reason to feel you are making fun of her. She may have good advice and you can share a lot since you have these gender issues in common. Sharing and talking things through can help you to make up your mind about things.

Cody Jensen · January 03, 2011, 06:57:55 PM

I know. It's funny how she's MtF and I'm the opposite, a girl wanting to be a boy (FtM). I am wondering how I should confront her about it though.

spacial · January 03, 2011, 07:08:36 PM

May I suggest you think carefully Josh. Is she defensive still about her situation?

I say this because, a few years ago, I met someone who was transisioning. I sat down at a table, occupied by a group of girls, one of whom I knew. I didn't notice anything, until one of them pointed out that another was transgender.

I tried very hard to discuss, but was rebuffed. She was clearly very defensive and probably feared my interest might be voyueristic.

One the other hand, if you think your cousin will take it well, then she could be a good ally

cynthialee · January 03, 2011, 07:14:22 PM

How about a strait forward...I am FTM and I was hoping that you would give me some advice on how to deal with our family when I come out to them.

Cody Jensen · January 03, 2011, 11:22:19 PM

Quote from: Dee_pntx on January 03, 2011, 08:27:00 PM
I have a relative (1st cousin's child) that is ftm. As best as I can figure from what my dad tells me.
He told me I might as well rejoin the family and come out and be myself because "there's already one of your kind in the family"..

Nice choice of words, Dad.. Then again this is the same man that tells me he isn't happy about spending two weeks "in the land of fruits and nuts" when him and my mom accompany me to San Mateo for SRS in a few weeks. Poor Dad, he'll have to come visit me in the recovery house right smack in the middle of the Castro District of San Francisco..

Anyway.. So this relative of mine, my dad says that "he was a she and dresses like a man, acts like a man, looks sorta like a man and everyone uses male pronouns in conversation." Or something like that. So my dad wants me to meet this relative that I've never met. Why, I do not know. Maybe he thinks that I need to be with my own kind..

Dee, family can be a pain to deal with. Though I haven't come out yet, I am still struggling in general to build a relationship with my dad. He seems to want the best for me and for me to be happy, yet in doing so I am not happy at all. It's funny the way things are that way.

ALX · January 10, 2011, 05:54:11 PM

Yeah.. Test the water, ask her about her transition and see if she 'll talk to you. If not then I'd just leave it at that. If she feels she can talk to you she'll probably talk then ask you why you're asking.. Good place to start maybe?

Cody Jensen · January 10, 2011, 11:14:08 PM

Quote from: ALX on January 10, 2011, 05:54:11 PM
Yeah.. Test the water, ask her about her transition and see if she 'll talk to you. If not then I'd just leave it at that. If she feels she can talk to you she'll probably talk then ask you why you're asking.. Good place to start maybe?

I like this idea. How would I bring up the subject of her being trans though?

cynthialee · January 11, 2011, 08:32:45 AM

Quote from: Josh T on January 10, 2011, 11:14:08 PM
I like this idea. How would I bring up the subject of her being trans though?

Just straight out say....I am also trans.

Cody Jensen · January 11, 2011, 04:50:32 PM

OK. Now I need to figure out how to find the courage to tell her. Even though with her I am most comfortable coming out to rather than anyone else in the family.

regan · January 11, 2011, 04:58:28 PM

I would guess there is an 'elephant in the room that no one talks about", when she's around. The way you describe it makes it sound like everyone knows about her transition, but no one talks about it. Maybe she wants to talk, maybe not. I would approach her from that aspect though. Ask her about her transition. Use that to open the door to talk about your issues. Understand she may not want to for any number of reasons share that bond with you or something like it.

Quote from: Josh T on January 11, 2011, 04:50:32 PM
I don't pass at all as male. I look totally female

Switch the genders and I'm sure she probably felt the same way once...

Cody Jensen · January 11, 2011, 11:48:04 PM

Quote from: regan on January 11, 2011, 04:58:28 PM
Switch the genders and I'm sure she probably felt the same way once...

You know, I'm sure she did.

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Coming out to my trans cousin?