So...how do I go about this?

[Darth_Taco]

It's really weird for me to ask for help, I almost never do it unless I'm that desperate. So yeah, I'm pretty desperate right now. I'm FtM and I'm scared to come out, like I'm sure many of you are. My issue is a bit...well I pray it's unique, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. The thing is that I have some very specific fears regarding telling my extended family.

You see, these people aren't the easiest people to talk to about alternative lifestyles. These people are very conservative and have it set in their minds how someone should be. Do it their way or you're burning in hell. Deviate too much, and they're going after you. When my uncle came out as gay, they went nuts. Immediately they began spreading these ridiculous rumors about him. The worst one was that he was raped as a little boy and liked it. Don't get me wrong, my uncle is a bit of a douche, but really? Did he really deserve for his ex in-laws to say these horrible things about him to his children?

So here's my issue. I'm not just trans, I'm gay, I have a bisexual boyfriend, and I have dressed as a guy for over a decade (I'm almost 21). All they know is that I dress funny (something they already don't like), and that I have a boyfriend who's Catholic (something they also don't like). Right now all they do is passive aggressive crap like spread rumors about us. While it annoys me since passive aggressiveness is a pet-peeve of mine, I'm ok with it. I don't know how these people are going to react when I come out. I wouldn't put it pass them to attack me to keep the clan's dignity. I seriously think that these people could physically hurt me or my more relaxed mother and brother for "allowing this to happen". I'm afraid of telling my immediate family for fear their knowledge of me could get them in more trouble.

So what am I suppose to do? I live in constant fear of what these people could do to me or my loved ones if they found out. Am I suppose to be afraid of my own family like this? My own flesh and blood?

[Nikki H]

Take what you will from my reply but I really do feel for you! I'm too scared to come out to my gf and family even though I know they'll be supportive!!
Are you in a position now or soon to not be dependant upon family? If so that may make it easier knowing you dont "need" them just to live.
Sometimes I forget just how lucky I am to live in the UK where taking religion serious is almost all but forgotten..
Nikki x

[justmeinoz]

Sorry to hear you are living with such awful people. 
bout all you can do is move I guess, and let them know that it is because they are so frightening that you fear for you safety. Maybe some of them feel guilty enough to take a good look at themselves.

[spacial]

Darth

Can't really add anything other than that which Nikki has already.

Are these really the sort of people you want to be associated with?

[Darth_Taco]

At 20, I should be able to move out if I can get a decent job and money. The issue is me being handicap. It's not even a permanent handicap, but I will need some help to get this fixed. I developed scoliosis after a car crash a year and a half ago and it's compressing a spinal nerve. I'm in constant pain and has actually caused me to relapse into drug addiction for a little while. I'm about 17 months sober now, but I'm still in constant pain. I'm on a walking cane because the pain makes it hard to walk. I'm gonna need surgery to fix this. Then theres my mom. She worries about me so much with me being also asthmatic and having so many allergies (though only 2 that can kill me). She's convinced I'll explode or something the moment I step out the door.

As for wanting to continue to interact with these people, God no. If it weren't for my grandparents and a couple of cousins who still accept my blasphemy I'd want nothing to do with them. I don't think I have a choice of getting away from them though. These are still my mom's brother and sisters. While she's sick of their behavior for the most part, she doesn't want to give up on them and continues to love them. So if she wants to stick with them, I kind of got no choice since I love my mom. She's my only parent, I don't want to alienate her for anything. I know if things come to worse and they get all stabby on me if I come out, my mom will take herself out of the clan. I'm still her kid, she's not picking these biggots who've abandoned her years ago over me. What I'm not so sure of is if they'll disown us (best case scenario) or if they'll come after us.

I don't get these people. My mom dragged all 10 of them including my grandparents from Mexico at only 13-years-old. Their children were all born here and speak English because of my mom. The least they could do is accept her "godless" heathen of a son. I'm still a Christian, I'm going back to school to major in premed, and I'm not a serial killer. Isn't that enough?

[spacial]

Darth

I understand a bit better.

You need to learn to stand up for your self young man. And stand up for your mom. These people are wanding around, imposing their narrowmindedness on you and making you miserable.

Now, it isn't about being rude and certainly not about being angry. It's about asserting your right not to have such nasty attitudes being enforced in your home.

When someone comes into your home, they accept your hospitality. They know what to expect. If they criticise, they have come to criticise.

Just tell the, if you don't like it here, there's the door, please leave.

[Darth_Taco]

You're right ;_;. God, standing up to these people is such a foreign concept to me. They're terrified of my boyfriend, maybe I'll bring him along when I come out. He gonna be kind of annoyed since this means I out him too XP (he's not out to his own family). Well, we're adults. I'm 20, he's 21. We gotta act like adults and just come out with it. I think I'll tell my mom in the coming months once work relaxes and she's not so stressed. My brother...I'll try for this weekend. I hope I don't chicken out again.

Thanks, I guess I just needed someone to tell me to just come out and do it. God, I hope I'm just being paranoid and these people are less crazy than I think. I know that's delusional thinking and they'll likely flood my facebook page with bull->-bleeped-<- accusations of child molestation because Lord knows tans=sexual predator. I'll look into restraining orders as well just in case.

[spacial]

No, these people are as crazy as you think. But the difference between a door mat and a door is the position it takes.

As for their revenge, I somehow think that's not going to be that bad. But each problem, we deal with, as it happens.