Date a lesbian?

[Troy58]

I've seen some comments about this elsewhere, but I'm not sure if it has been brought here yet.

Would you (assuming that you are a straight/bisexual man) date someone who identifies as lesbian? Not bisexual or bi-curious, a lesbian who is just as grossed out by another guy's dick as straight men.

If I liked girls, I would have difficulty dating a lesbian. The dysphoria is bad enough as it is without dating someone who is only attracted to females. Others say "hell yeah, I'd date a lesbian!" It would make the relationship strained (in my opinion) because the man would have the constant thought that he isn't being seen as a man because he is dating a woman who only likes other women.

What are your thoughts?

[Al James]

Slightly roundabout way of answering but i am married to someone who identifies as bi. Whislt she swears she sees me for a male i am still conscious of the fact that at the minute i have a female body and worry that it is that that she 'fancies' and will she still like me/fancy me after T and surgery have done their work. So if it was a chance of dating a lesbian who swore she had no interst in men i would have thought it would be even more of a mind f**ck always wondering how they saw me. But then, if you were out to them as a male would a lesbian want to date you anyway? Different matter if your already in a relationship before transition starts but after? While its quite possible for a lesbian to say 'i don't usually fancy men but your an exception' same as its possible for a straight woman to say to another woman 'i don't usually fancy women but in your case..." I think you just have to be confident enough in your self and trust their honesty enough so that if they say they fancy you as a man go with it but if they fancy you as a woman hell no.
Did that make any sense?

[Amazon D]

It sounds like you are taking your transitioning serious in the sense that you are doing this for identity and not sexuality. However, dating a lesbian as a man might feel like an acomplishement but thats to those men who want to score verses those who want to be true to self and have self respect and not take advantage of another but there is always another who will take what i say and flip it upsidedownandinsideout

[Amazon D]

JAMES  said it better than me 

[SnailPace]

I would wonder why she would continue to identify as a lesbian.

I actually have a friend who identifies as a lesbian even though she dates bio-guys now.  When I asked she just says, "No, no, I am a lesbian, just with heterosexual tendencies."  I don't really understand her though.  (What, "tendencies" like having sex, falling in love with, and having long-term relationships with men?)

I guess, if it was that ^ kind of lesbian, then that would be okay.  She would just be someone more comfortable using that term for herself.

But if they were honestly only attracted to women? No.

[Nobuko]

If someone is already to the point where they consider me a significant other, they can label themself with whatever they want. :laugh:They should already know what they were getting into if we've reached that point.

Now dating on the other hand... I don't really do much 'dating' in the traditional sense, but it's really situational and depends on everything else. If it works, it works. Sexual orientation are just general guidelines anyway. After all, once you've hit the dating stage, what's important is not whether they're attracted to men or women in general.. it's whether or not they're attracted to you.

[Nygeel]

There have been lesbian identified women in my life that were actually attracted to and dated cis men. I'm a bit more confident in myself and my gender enough to say I would be okay with it under certain circumstances. I would be okay with it if she had valid reasons to exclude cis men. The biggest thing I've seen (and have kind of experienced) is cis men not being open minded enough to date and be sexual with a woman who identifies as predominantly "queer." They might seem open minded and say they are but really aren't.

[Brent123]

I'm actually in a similar situation. I'm dating a girl that considers herself a lesbian. However, she's really supportive of me and even agreed to call me by male pronouns. It doesn't bother me that she's a lesbian because I know that's more then what she is.

[Carson]

I wouldn't date a lesbian not for any other reason except; lesbians date women, I'm obviously not a woman. Dating a bi woman is not the same. Being bisexual denotes that she is attracted to both men and women which includes me.

[Troy58]

My friend is a lesbian and I get the feeling she's attracted to me (which, I admit, is a strange thing for me but she could just be her normal flirty self). She was the first person I came out to and she's a good friend, but I don't know what I would do if it turned out she actually likes me that way. It would make my dysphoria skyrocket... v.v

[Nathan.]

I couldn't date a lesbian i'm a guy. Also it would make me dysphoric as i'd be thinking that she was attracted to me because I look like a girl.

[xAndrewx]

I've dated a couple of lesbians even though they knew I was trans. As long as they consider me their boyfriend and tell people I'm their boyfriend how they identify doesn't bother me. If you love someone I think it goes beyond gender and sexuality it's just about love at that point. My opinions are slightly odd usually though. Basically I agree with James

[Lee]

I couldn't date anyone who doesn't view me as a guy.  However, if for some reason a woman identified as a lesbian because she didn't like mens piping or something along those lines, I'd be okay with it. 

[ALBdegas]

Aw, I couldn't date a lesbian either.. Sure there are some who will say yes, but I mean, in my mind, I would be thinking constantly "Is she truly seeing me as a male ?"..

[Nikolai_S]

I honestly cannot understand why someone would still consider herself a lesbian even when dating men. That makes her bi. If she can't admit that she has an interest in both men and women and is therefore bi (or pansexual, or queer, or primarily gay, or questioning, or bi-curious or homosexual but heteroromantic, whatever) - there's some issue going on, and that alone would make me wary.

Anyway, no, I would not date a lesbian. She would want a woman, I'm not a woman, and if she thinks I'm close enough I don't want to be in a relationship with her.

[PixieBoy]

I wouldn't date a lesbian, no. She wouldn't see me as a guy, and that would suck. Bi women seem to be the way to go, since then she's (hopefully?) not repulsed by what's in my pants and how it kind of conflicts with what's in my mind. What would be the best would be a woman who is straight yet not weirded out by my non-standard genitals. Also, the girl needs to be a nerd.

[Donnie B.]

If I cared enough about her, I would date a person who acknowledges herself as a general lesbian, but only if she acknowledged me as a man, used the term "boyfriend", and used the right pronouns. If I found out that she didn't really think of me as a man and lied to me about acknowledging me as a man, then the relationship would be over probably very, very quickly because I can't stand people like that.

But, for right now, I'm not really into dating anyone. ^^::

[emil]

i once dated a girl who thought i was a guy, had only seriously dated guys before, and still considered herself a lesbian (until i talked her out of it ). When we talked it over, i realized lesbianism wasn't solely about sexual orientation to her; actually, for a lot of lesbians, it is rather the lesbian/genderqueer subculture they want to be a part of. there is no such thing as a bisexual community and while lesbians may challenge gender or negate gender, their stereotypical idea of a bisexual person is that they'll prefer heterosexual relationships in the long run.

now this may sound confusing and pretty mixed up to you but it is not at all uncommon. in my case, it really helped to talk this through together...let her know that you're fine with her defining herself as part of a lesbian subculture etc. but that you see your relationship as heterosexual and it hurts you and would also just  be untruthful if she says otherwise.

[trnsboi]

I think this thread really highlights how gender and sexual orientation are fluid social constructs. A lot of people seem to be wrapped up in identity and how others see them. Identity can only go so far. Saying that a lesbian who dates an FTM is "really bisexual" because she is dating someone who identifies as male is just as valid as saying a gay man who dates an FTM is "really bisexual" because he is dating someone with a vagina. Different people are always going to have different ideas about who you are, how they see you, and what makes someone a man. What should really matter is how you see yourself.

[Robert Scott]

i once dated a girl who thought i was a guy, had only seriously dated guys before, and still considered herself a lesbian (until i talked her out of it ). When we talked it over, i realized lesbianism wasn't solely about sexual orientation to her; actually, for a lot of lesbians, it is rather the lesbian/genderqueer subculture they want to be a part of. there is no such thing as a bisexual community and while lesbians may challenge gender or negate gender, their stereotypical idea of a bisexual person is that they'll prefer heterosexual relationships in the long run.

This is what my wife is struggling with...we are seeing counseling for it ... but it is a hard identity to give up ... it's even been hard for my son & I to give up - infact he doesn't say he is a hetro ... he says he is queer...he doesn't want to fully see himself as a typical male