Angry and jealous.

[Devyn]

So apparently I know two FTMs (I thought only one of them were FTM.) Both of whom I met at a birthday party and when I was introduced as a boy, they said "But you have long hair.." (My hair had grown past my shoulders.)

So, automatically, I wanted to cuss them out, but because they were my friend's friends and this was a party, I let go of it.

But I just saw one of them post a status on Facebook about how he was excited that a straight girl hit on him at the mall today.

I got so mad. I mean, I'm happy he's happy, but still. Why can't that be me?

Both of these FTMs have small boobs, so small that neither of them have to bind and they just wear a shirt, their faces look masculine already, and their voices aren't as light as mine.

I always wished I had another FTM that could relate to me, but neither of them seem to have dysphoria OR trouble passing, BOTH OF WHICH I HAVE. I'm jealous. I'm pissed.

Now, around other FTMs, all I feel is jealousy and anger. They pass so easily and I feel like, from what I've observed, they think being a guy is cooler.

Like, one of them wrote a poem I read that I couldn't relate to at all. He was basically talking about how, as a girl, he was made fun of but now he's not and he's a better person now and...I don't know.

For me, it's more or less life or death. I want this with all of my being, and I can't pass. :I Or at least I don't feel like I can. For him, I felt like it seemed more of a choice. For me, it tears me apart every day that my body doesn't match. It distracts me so much. In school, I have to force myself to pay attention because it bothers me so much.

I'm not saying either of these guys' transsexuality is invalid. Hell, if this is how they feel more comfortable, by all means, I'm not stopping them. It just pisses me off that their lives are going a lot better than mine.

(On a more positive note, I found out my new haircut attracts girls. Girls from my school who are usually rude to me have been telling me how much they love my hair.)

[Amazon D]

I know a hippy long haired FTM so don't let that bother you and also life isn't about comparing yourself to others because you will never be happy it is though about you comparing your own growth with your past and making sure your maturing.

[Shang]

You can come to the mall with me.   You'd definitely pass while I'm around. xD  I can't pass for anything, even when trying.

I know a hippy long haired FTM so don't let that bother you and also life isn't about comparing yourself to others because you will never be happy it is though about you comparing your own growth with your past and making sure your maturing.

I agree with this statement, too!

I'm actually growing my hair back out and I've got that cursed hour-glass form no matter what I do. XD

[coyote]

If it's any consolation, my hair is very long and I don't think I've ever passed. It pisses me off all the time that I'm regarded as female, but I've always felt that having long hair was just "me", so I refuse to sacrifice any part of my real self in favour of passing. I could cut it and walk around in a suit and tie, and maybe I'd pass, but it wouldn't be me; it would be like wearing a costume. I might as well put on a fake beard and a Viking helmet. What I'm trying to say, is it's okay to feel angry/jealous, but don't let it tear you apart, man; and don't change who you are just to pass.

[Wraith]

I'm not a fan of "transpeople" who feel like they have to stick to gender stereotypes and even enforce them upon others, that's what the people you met are doing.

Loads of cisguys have long hair, so why can't we? Some of them are extreme machoguys, some are more feminine. It doesn't make us any less men. It never ceases to amaze me how horribly blind some people choose to be.

I've also gotten the "but you have long hair" comment, many times, and it pisses me off. The rebel in me responds by never wanting to cut it, even though I've been wanting to for personal reasons (my hair reaches my ass)..

[Elijah3291]

i would be jealous and annoyed with those guys too, especially the small chest's part, mine aren't huge, but whenever I see a ftm, or even a woman with tiny boobs, i get super jealous.

but, what i do to feel better, well its not a very admirable thing to do, but it helps me.  i think about people who are worse off then me, guys with huge chests, or super soft faces, hourglass figures.  now, im not saying i put them down, i don't at all, but thinking about people who have it worse off does help.  You could try it sometime. 

[Nikolai_S]

I can relate to that a lot. I never had to deal with any of it in person, luckily, but early on in transition I felt like I had no chance of passing, ever, until I was on testosterone. It took me months after coming out and trying to pass for me to actually pass, even once. Meanwhile, the FTMs I saw online were super macho guys with naturally high T levels who had passed since they were 5. But it turns out, those aren't the majority. Lots of transguys don't buy into gender stereotypes, and lots of them have difficulty passing. Don't try to compare yourself to people who are so different from yourself, when all it does is make you feel worse. It seems at times there is no limit to how many ways people experience gender and present gender, they're experiencing it just one of many ways.

I actually saw a poem like that not long ago, where the transguy was talking about how he was called an ugly dyke before and now he's called a handsome young man, now he has a girlfriend and everyone likes him more. And I wanted to say, that's not what being trans is about. Maybe he just said it badly. But I agree with you, transitioning for me is a matter of survival. And I've lost so much by transitioning, it wouldn't be worth it unless it was something I needed to live.

[Devyn]

I actually saw a poem like that not long ago, where the transguy was talking about how he was called an ugly dyke before and now he's called a handsome young man, now he has a girlfriend and everyone likes him more. And I wanted to say, that's not what being trans is about. Maybe he just said it badly. But I agree with you, transitioning for me is a matter of survival. And I've lost so much by transitioning, it wouldn't be worth it unless it was something I needed to live.

...I think we saw the same thing, man.

Was it on deviantart?

[meh]

I really dislike how society treats masculine females. They say they aren't "trying" and how they should put on make up and heels and a dress. Like women are here just for eye candy and to make babies or something.

I also dislike how people treat feminine men too.

[Devyn]

I really dislike how society treats masculine females. They say they aren't "trying" and how they should put on make up and heels and a dress. Like women are here just for eye candy and to make babies or something.

I also dislike how people treat feminine men too.

I agree with all that.

[Brent123]

I really dislike how society treats masculine females. They say they aren't "trying" and how they should put on make up and heels and a dress. Like women are here just for eye candy and to make babies or something.

I also dislike how people treat feminine men too.

I dislike how society treats those that are different in general. My opinion is just that people are afraid of change or anything that differs from the "norm" (whatever that may be).

[ALX]

Sure I'll go to the mall with ya

)

You can come to the mall with me.   You'd definitely pass while I'm around. xD  I can't pass for anything, even when trying.

I agree with this statement, too!

I'm actually growing my hair back out and I've got that cursed hour-glass form no matter what I do. XD

[VeryGnawty]

Like women are here just for eye candy and to make babies or something.

Yeah.  What is with women buying into all of this looks stuff?  I mean, I want to look good too, but I do not exist for the sole purpose of appearing on magazine covers.

I also dislike how people treat feminine men too.

I always liked feminine guys.

[ALX]

There was a woman sitting next to me in a sociology class who said that most problems in society would solve themselves if men would just be men and women would stop trying to be men.
I asked her what she was doing in class instead of at home cooking for her husband then.
People used to chalk up my lack of wanting to wear make up as immaturity, and my wanting to be a guy as being confused. FtM is not a synonym for "ugly chick" I'd just rather be a homely man than a beautiful woman.

[Nikolai_S]

...I think we saw the same thing, man.

Was it on deviantart?

Yes, it was. I wrote a very polite response and never got answered. Apparently he took offence that I had a different experience.  But honestly, just seeing that, and a few comments about how people totally related to it, made me really mad. It's hard enough making people believe ftms are legitimate without those ftms openly announcing they're doing it to be cool and more socially accepted. That's not what it is. Christ.

[Lee]

Quick input on the attractiveness thing:
I think that part of it might be confidence.  There are days that I look in the mirror and see a damn good looking guy staring back at me.  It doesn't matter how good I actually look as a guy; the fact that I can see a male reflection makes me feel .... indescribably comfortable and powerful, and I know that it comes across in my interactions with other people.  When presenting as female, no matter how good I look to others, I feel very uncomfortable, which really isn't sexy.  I think that, as we transition and see our correct selves, that person is automatically more attractive to others because of this.

[some ftm guy]

I really dislike how society treats masculine females. They say they aren't "trying" and how they should put on make up and heels and a dress. Like women are here just for eye candy and to make babies or something.

I also dislike how people treat feminine men too.

agreed

I always liked feminine guys.

me too.
and the one trans guy i know in person from high school started out with really long hair. it was at least down to his shoulders..no a little past that and i think he only cut it to short a couple years ago. i wonder if he had trouble passing for the first 4 years of his transition.

[insideontheoutside]

I'm not a fan of "transpeople" who feel like they have to stick to gender stereotypes and even enforce them upon others, that's what the people you met are doing.

This ^^

Also, you really can't compare yourself to anyone else. You're YOU, not that other guy. Comparing yourself to others never leads anywhere good because you're usually not just making an observation, you're mixing it with jealousy, wanting, hatred, all sorts of things.

At least through my personal observation, there definitely seems to be an undercurrent of stereotyping going on in the trans community. For instance, if you want to "pass" you have to have short hair. Which is of course total bull->-bleeped-<-. There's also quite a bit of attitude sometimes. It's like some imaginary pissing match going on or something. A few months ago I was hanging out in a bookstore waiting for my car to have some work done on it. In walks a person and I only noticed them because of the attitude they were exuding. They had buzzed hair, tattoos, and biker boots but a kind of feminine face and they were either wearing a binder or a couple tank tops under their shirt. But this person looked right at me, up and down, then their demeanor kind of changed when they saw me. I'm not sure why exactly other than this person seemed to all of a sudden want to act/seem more "tough" ... more "male". It was an odd experience and it made me wonder just why people feel like they have to act, look, whatever a certain way around another person. There was no one else but me sitting at the bookstore cafe at that point. Maybe they thought I was a gay guy? LOL

I had a similar experience a couple years ago when I was in NYC. I went out to this vegetarian restaurant that I can only surmise was in the LGTB section of town (I wasn't that familiar with NYC) because while waiting outside for a table there was at least 4 gay couples pretty much just making out on the sidewalk. I never want to assume someone is butch vs ftm because I really don't like assuming. But I'll say ftm in this case only because the person seemed to be going out of their way to be male. It seemed really forced. There was nowhere else to sit on the benches outside except across from that person and their girlfriend. So I'm sitting there and I swear I was getting the dagger looks. Like I was in the "wrong part of town" or that I was somehow trying to flirt with this person's girlfriend (which I totally was not I was trying to avoid even looking at them at all). But you know how you feel when someone is just giving you the evil eye? It was like that.

I don't know what it is but there's been a couple other random instances where I've just felt like someone was really trying to exert an attitude around me and I've had a haunch they were trans.

The important thing to remember though is that the external world can not change what is inside of you. Even if you let what the external world says get to you, that still doesn't change what's inside of you. If you can latch on to that fact you can begin to build confidence. Only when I stopped resisting it and really embraced that fact did my confidence level really start to build.

[ALX]

Well said.

Quick input on the attractiveness thing:
I think that part of it might be confidence.  There are days that I look in the mirror and see a damn good looking guy staring back at me.  It doesn't matter how good I actually look as a guy; the fact that I can see a male reflection makes me feel .... indescribably comfortable and powerful, and I know that it comes across in my interactions with other people.  When presenting as female, no matter how good I look to others, I feel very uncomfortable, which really isn't sexy.  I think that, as we transition and see our correct selves, that person is automatically more attractive to others because of this.

[Devyn]

Yes, it was. I wrote a very polite response and never got answered. Apparently he took offence that I had a different experience.  But honestly, just seeing that, and a few comments about how people totally related to it, made me really mad. It's hard enough making people believe ftms are legitimate without those ftms openly announcing they're doing it to be cool and more socially accepted. That's not what it is. Christ.

Okay, yeah. We saw the same thing. I saw your comment.

I like how he didn't respond. Haha. But my friend sent that guy's poem to me and was all, "Hey, he's transgendered. You're transgendered. You guys know each other....YOU CAN RELATE TO THIS." I read it, and about five lines in I went back to ask why she showed me and she was all, "Yeah, I thought you would appreciate it because you guys met at my party and you guys are guys!" Yeah, well, I can't relate to all of the guys in the world, I guess.

I felt like an ass though because I was debating posting a comment about it. I feel horrible when I'm...I don't know, skeptical about another person's identity.

Quick input on the attractiveness thing:
I think that part of it might be confidence.  There are days that I look in the mirror and see a damn good looking guy staring back at me.  It doesn't matter how good I actually look as a guy; the fact that I can see a male reflection makes me feel .... indescribably comfortable and powerful, and I know that it comes across in my interactions with other people.  When presenting as female, no matter how good I look to others, I feel very uncomfortable, which really isn't sexy.  I think that, as we transition and see our correct selves, that person is automatically more attractive to others because of this.

That's...very true. Well said.