my name is axel, and im a transman. The reason im wanting advice from any transwomen that will take the time to answer is because even though its about a ciswoman, i feel like transwomen would understand this situation more, because you all take hormones as i do so you're women that understand this kind of predicament, and women are so confusing somtimes. i came out to her in the beginning everything was awesome, she broke up with me saying it was too intense, the soulmate connection, only having been together for 3 months, and we were only in high school. I got her to realize its a terrible thing to throw away such a connection and we were together again. she kind of became selfish and so i broke up with her when we reached two years, not realizing that i shouldve talked to her about it, instead i entered a relationship with another girl to keep myself away from her. I started testosterone 4 months before that, she was devastated when i left, she begged me to stay but i left, she would visit my mom, write me letters, she was still giving me shots. after about a month my grandfather died and i had somewhat of a revalation, i was wrong, she really did love me, and i was a fool. ignorantly out of fear i stayed with the girl i was currently with, even though she was verbally abusing me constantly. sadly i waited another two months and covered up a tattoo i had gotten with the first girl out of anger. i went to her that night after breaking up with the current girl and took two weeks to sort out my feelings before formally courting her. we moved to denver shortly after and began a new chapter, unfortunately not knowing after awhile of getting shots in the same exact place for a year begins to mess up your hormones, my sex drive plumeted my confidence was gone, i closed up and even though i saw myself as showing her i loved her, i guess i didnt. i ran out of money and couldnt afford my shots anymore, lumps were under my previous injection sites and slowly began to shrink continuing my hormone nightmare, i was a zombie, didnt know how to show affection anymore, no matter how hard i tried she thought i didnt love her, eventually after six months i was able to get back to the doctor and continue my shots, but in the same exact place, so this continued, it lasted two more years, and i saw her crumble in front of me and yet i was locked in this half life prison where i couldnt reach her, i felt like a failure, i can remember her begging me to love her, but i was so exhausted i couldnt i had nosebleeds all the time. eventually i figured out that i should give my shots in my leg instead of thigh and instanly felt a million times better, but by then to her everything was already over, she thought the affectioon i showed wasnt from my heart but from the testosterone. she moved out yesterday and told me shes too damaged to try to fix this with me and has to do it by herself, i feel so horrible and i know she doesnt blame me but i think i really just needed to get this story out of my soul, i keep it inside constantly and i cant talk to anyone of my friends, they dont understand. im sorry for such a long ridiculous story, its just shes the one and i guess i need someone to reply that would understand
