Hormones and their effects on the human body. A personal perspective!

[Samantha_Marie]

I exceeded the maximum length for a post of 40k so decided to make a new topic in order to make adequate space for the next 12 months that I plan to also share!

Ok! So I was looking at myself today, at all of the little changes, and realized that at the start of everything, I had no clue what was going to happen and when other then that I may or may not wind up looking like a female. Would I notice any changes? Would I feel different? Would I look different? When would it happen? In what stages do things take place?

Now after having passed a few years, I thought I would share my personal milestones on hormones as well as personal reflections.


Please keep in mind for anyone who is today starting hormones that the effects and experiences you have may differ from my own, and this is merely a timetable for what took place for me as it happened, as well as personal experiences and feelings! As is so often said around here... YMMV(Your mileage may vary)!

I would love for anyone who would like to share their experiences to post below as well.

Anything I don't address that you would like to know please ask, I'm sure there are things I'm leaving out or things that to me I just didn't notice or pay attention to that you may want to know about. If you ask I will add in my experience in regards to it!

A couple of things I've learned on my personal adventure, this may or may not be what you experience, but after having talked to various gg and others who have followed my path I do believe it is a norm.

The following is what I've learned through personal experience over the last two years, which I was able to verify as being the base for all of us with some exceptions, either greater results or a lesser.

Breast Growth:

Breast growth is something I know I am very nervous on. I'll look at my chest one week and it's very big(figuratively speaking), then suddenly they are small and make me sad. After about the 4th month I really began to worry about the back and fourth they would go until I began to notice something as they "shrank" back down. They actually weren't shrinking! What happens is the ball will form and get really hard and my boobs start to grow out, becoming almost coned shaped while getting larger. Then after a few weeks they would seem to shrink down as the ball became soft. What I discovered was happening was that during what I thought was the shrink phase, all the growth I lost from them going away from my chest was actually them spreading out to become more naturally shaped, and as this phase continued they slowly keep getting first cone shaped, then softening up to become more round, never shrinking smaller, always ending slightly larger then the prior growth spurt.

So don't stress about this particular area as long as you continue to get the ball and then it goes away and this pattern continues you are in fact growing more and more! Once the ball phase stops coming I do believe you have reached your peak, which may continue to grow very slowly over the next few years but not near at the rapid pace it was prior.

Facial changes:

This one is very deceiving, perhaps most of all, for every day we look at ourselves at least five times. There are many questions, myths and personal beliefs when it comes to what hormones will and will not do, and often times we may want the myth to be true and set expectations that are unrealistic with all of this and wind up being very distraught over our personal transitions.

Now it is very true that the earlier you start hormones the more effect they will take on your body, especially if it's pre or even during puberty and up to the age of 25. During this time yes, hormones will effect how your face develops, the shape and size of your features and hair growth tremendously. With everything we do, the younger you start the easier the results.

Now for a quick breakdown on what hormones will and won't do for your facial structure after the age of 25(ymmv). It will not change bone structure, this includes your nose and eye brow ridge(frequently called bossing), chin, jaw line and cheek bones. It will change your fat distribution, and make amazing alterations over time to the structure of the appearance of your face(take a look at my face at the start of hormones then at the two year mark for an idea of what just hormones are capable of).

Most of the changes are so subtle they are unnoticeable  for some time, and it's not until many many changes have taken place that you begin to notice yourself the changes. If you take pictures of yourself every day and compare them side by side you may not even notice that your face is changing unless you do it bi-weekly, or even monthly looking at only your pictures every 15 days or every 30. This is where you will begin to notice that you are in fact changing! Patience is the key to this game!

The results even without surgery are astonishing, to look at myself today and then see a picture of my from before it doesn't even look like me anymore. And this story is being told by countless others. You just have to wait it out and keep your head up!

For very masculine features that fat redistribution can't fix, there are various hairstyles and make-up tricks that can literally do wonders to cover or conceal, and as a last resort there is always ffs, but only as the last resort and I recommend waiting at least a minimum of one year from the day you start hormones to consider this path(I waited two years and didn't schedule an appointment with a surgeon til I hit that mark).

Body Shape:

This also shares all the traits of facial except one very important difference(excluding breast size) you can do many exercises to give yourself a truly gorgeous female form regardless of bone structure. This does not mean that anyone can have the supermodel body, like all things girls come in many shapes and sizes and to look for girls with your height and basic body shape to compare yourself to, if you're short and stout don't expect to suddenly develop a small petite body.

You will not suddenly develop wider hips, and your rib cage won't grow in and become slimmer. There are surgeries that can achieve both but please, only as a last resort, try to achieve your personal goals through the gym first.

You can however develop a gorgeous form that will turn heads. Please keep in mind that if you don't have a gym membership or at least a home gym of some type that you will not just suddenly wake up with the body you so badly want. The gorgeous girls you look at and desire to resemble have achieved that through very, very hard work and many hours spent in the gym. Genetics definitely play an important and highly unfair role, but if you truly desire it and are willing to work for it I believe each and every one of us can achieve a very feminine shape.


You can also look into body molds and other similar options. These tend to be a fairly inexpensive way to make alterations but can be dangerous and I strongly encourage you to have constant doctor supervision.

Body/Facial Hair:

There's good news and bad news to the hair we tend to grow everywhere. For the face you must have something done to prevent it from growing back. I personally highly recommend laser hair removal, but this is due to my amazing results and is sadly not available for our lighter haired sisters. Electrolysis also has amazing results and I've even had a few appointments with one to remove the white and red hairs I had growing on my face.

For chest, stomach and back. Hormones will pretty much deal with this entirely, it just takes a while and doesn't happen over night. As they work their magic the hairs will slowly become very fine, then shrink as they become very soft and white, a lot will pretty much disappear entirely. Again with all things ymmv, and a more permanent form may have to be found in order to prevent those few hairs that are stubborn from coming back.

Psychological:


Ahhh.... How to cover everything in this category. Sadly there just isn't a way. The brain is just to complex and this side of things you'll just have to discover on your own. I included my own psychological journey and I think reading over the last two years shows how much time I spent dealing with my own personal struggles during each phase fairly well.


Now, for me personally!

[Samantha_Marie]

How I looked the week before starting hrt:

Pre Hormones:




This is how I lived my life on a day to day for the most part when outside of work.

Who I see:

Therapist: Nichole Jordan, I see her twice per month, she is AMAZING!
Doctor: Ashley Davis, she has an amazing sense of humor and treats me like a woman. Her entire staff is awesome and there is no awkwardness at all!


Height: 5 ft 11



Month: 1
Medications: Spiro + Estro
Weight:150 lbs



As you can see my hair is barely growing back from me shaving it in my final attempt to rebel.


The first thing I noticed changing was my psychology. I found myself capable of crying fairly easy. For the first two weeks it was still a "choice" for me if I let myself cry, but I had to actually force myself not to, the last two weeks crying was no longer optional, and even now I seek out movies that will make me cry, I feel SO good after watching a good movie that is a real tear jerker. I also found myself more patient, and the way I felt anger also altered itself. Before when I would get mad it was more like a volcanic eruption that was very hard for me to control, on hormones my anger now simmers at a slow boil, and it keeps building until I address it. For myself personally my anger scares me more now then it did prior because I don't know how much it will compound with the way it build! I also feel jealousy differently. Before I would rarely get jealous and when I would I would get mad and confront whoever or whatever caused it. Now it's like... a different color?!? I don't really know how to explain it but where before my jealousy would be red now I'd say it's blue, and rather then confronting and attacking the situation I have more of a, "You just wait and see", attitude.

My dysphoria has gone down quiet a bit as well. I also feel much more calm all the time. I'm snappier when I get confronted and I loose focus easier. I'm a lot easier to distract or get detoured. I also notice I am having driving issues. For lack of a better way of explaining it, I drive like a woman! I daydream a lot more now, and really love to be held and to cuddle or just be touched in general.

Physically my skin has softened, it isn't as oily either. It is also more elastic and transparent. I've began storing fat in my chest, stomach, hips and my butt. My face has softened and the veins on my hands and feet are a lot less noticeable most of the time. If I get worked up or exercise then they pop back up. The hairs on my body(head excluded) have thinned, and I don't mean that in only the sense that they aren't growing in as thick, I mean the actual hairs themselves are smaller and lighter then before as well. The hair on top of my head is definitely softer and fuller. So far today I am unsure if I have regrown any lost hair. Hopefully next month there will be signs, but I also started Propecia at the start of this month so that will play an important role if there is hair regrowth. My pubic hair is different, it's altered in texture and the way it grows. It's definitely more feminine. I wish I had a better way to explain it but I guess it's one of those wait and you'll see type things.

My nipples are really starting to grow, the right side is moving faster then the left but the left side has made some rather large leaps forward in the last week and a half. There is a ball under each nipple as well that is actually attached to the nipple. When I say under I mean literally under the skin straight behind it. The right side is EXTREMELY sensitive, I am thankfully still capable of laying down on my stomach but if I roll wrong or move my arm under my chest and hit the nipple wrong it hurts, not quiet as bad as getting hit in the nuts but still very painful.

My chest hair is growing in a lot more sparse then before as well. I didn't have an overly hairy chest, I had what I called a superman patch. Pretty much look at Supermans S on his chest when he's wearing tights and that's where I had thick chest hair. Otherwise it was like a slight fur everywhere which has pretty much vanished completely and now resembles peach fuzz. The hair on my shoulders has also turned blonde/peach colored as well and is MUCH better then the dark black "fur" I had before.

I also have slight bumps now as well on my chest. Nothing huge, and nothing anyone else would even notice or look twice at(if it wasn't for the awkward size of my nipples I could still easily go outside, and really even now I could and the only people who would know my nipples were different are those who had seen me prior without a shirt. It just looks like I have large nipples. The areola is about the size of a nickle.

My voice hasn't changed in pitch that I can tell, I have heard some people claim that it did for them, but for myself I am unsure if there are changes. I have been recording my voice every week using my guy voice then switching to my female voice so I can compare them. I will say that my female voice has improved TREMENDOUSLY, but I think thats more of a practice thing then a hormone thing.

Oh, and the last thing I'm really noticing is that I no longer have a sex drive at all. I am also not remotely attracted to females anymore. There are a couple girls who will catch my attention but it's in a different sense, and I find myself typically wanting to know how they walk like they do, or talk like they do, or where they shop. I also want to ask girls to go shopping now that before I would have asked out.

***** Sexual portion *****

I no longer get random erections, and have to actually concentrate to even get it up anymore. My orgasms have also altered, it's no longer the explosion it was before, it's now more of a... blooming?(I wish I could explain it better), and I am fairly certain I am sterile. My semen isn't male like anymore, it's very transparent and not sticky at all.

I also no longer find the way a female smells to be exciting. It doesn't gross me out but I no longer respond to it the same way.

I also notice men now, and some of them smell.... yummy! Like I want to just lick them til I get to the center yummy!

Overall I have to things just click now from a psychological point. My emotional response matches my psychological one. I feel more in harmony with myself as long as I keep my eyes closed. I have a sense of calm and peace now and am actually excited a lot more and happier about each day.


Month: 2
Medications: Spiro + Estro + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight:143 lbs



Just a quick snap shot in my car.

So for month two I'll be brief on the psychological portion and focus more on the physical changes I have seen.

I am definitely more emotional, I don't have rapid mood swings but I tend to stay mad longer then before. I'm much more sympathetic to others and I also am much more patient with everyone in general.

The dysphoria comes in waves, sometimes it is bad and others I don't even notice it. When it does start to go bad I can think about the changes and the fact I am doing this and that does tend to help as long as I don't allow myself to ponder the time frame that this will take! hehe!

Sexually, my drive is non existent. I am still capable of having an orgasm but it has to be worked for and I'm never really horny enough to bother. I never get an erection now unless it is worked for, and the physical touching doesn't work very fast, it has to be emotional now or else I won't really respond. My sexual fantasy's have changed as well, I no longer think of random sex things, rather I will spend a very long time thinking of just one fantasy, and it can last all day.

I don't feel worse taking any of my medications, in fact I feel much better most of the time. I do still daydream constantly, and am extremely excited about tomorrow!!

Now for the stuff that most people are really looking for at this point, the physical changes!

For my skin, it is very, very soft and smooth now. I had good skin before hormones and now it is simply amazing. My hands and feet have changed shapes, not the actual bone structure, but I use to have this muscle that was on the side of each of my pinky's that caused my hand to widen just a bit, now that is gone and my hands have really thinned out and look very feminine. My feet have also altered slightly, the toes have thinned out and appear much longer and slimmer as well.

My hair has gotten thicker, and is growing really fast. About an inch and a half in the last 4 weeks! I'm sure the propecia is having an affect on that. I am not noticing any regrowth in the hairline, but my hair has virtually ceased to fall out at this point, and it feels much stronger and healthier!

I am developing some minor curves, I have gone in almost two full belt holes around my waist! It seems that the lost weight there has gone to my hips and butt. Where before I had no butt I now have a small cute one that I am still hoping grows even more. My hips are only slightly bigger, but it is enough that there is a slight curve to my shape. It is only noticeable if I'm wearing womens clothing though, and only slightly. My body shape from behind is now passable as female, I was even mam'd by someone who came up behind me when I was wearing my purple plaid. I still look like a guy in mens clothing though, and when he mam'd me he apologized immediatly.

My chest is really starting to grow, I am not an a cup by any means, but they are starting to cone out and develop. I am really getting excited!! My nipples are still growing, the left side is quickly catching up to the right, it seems that they are alternating in cycles, and this morning I woke up to both sides being sore. It's more of a deep tissue pain today, so I'm hoping this means I'm about to begin a growth spurt! I put lotion on my chest every day to help with stretch marks for when I do get my first growth spurt. I do believe the progesterone and propecia are helping growth! Both nipples are slightly larger then a pencil eraser. The areola's have been growing as well, and are constantly "puffed" out and unless I play with my nipples surround it almost all the way to the tip. They are about the size of a quarter now!

My voice has softened, but I believe this is from my practicing and in fact has little to nothing to do with hormones. It is still a males voice and I am still trying to find my passable female voice, I believe I may have found the right zone but either I need to work on it a lot or I'm not quiet hitting it because to me I just hear a guy. Although my sister did say I sounded like a girl for over half of our phone conversation so she had a hard time at first figuring out who it was she was talking to! She may have just been trying to be nice though I am unsure.

Pretty much, everything has just increased from last month, though I would say that the results appear to be increasing in speed.

I still have chest hair, it is further thinning and lightening though. I tend to pluck my chest hair rather then shave it, if I had the tools or the knowledge I would wax it instead. I will look into getting everything for waxing next month if it appears that I still am having dark hair growth on my chest, which I believe at this point I will.

The hair on my legs is fairly light and thin now, and shaves off nicely. I can still tell where the hair grows from, but they become very soft and nice after shaving.

The hair on my body overall has thinned more then I expected it to. Where before I had a dark fuzz on most of my chest where I didn't have long chest hair growth, it is now only barely visible and only if you focus can you see them. They have just a slight brown tint, but most have turned white and are actually shiny!

For my face, I am slightly developing higher cheeks, but only slightly, my face has also rounded a fair bit. I look like a pretty man, I don't look female yet though, even with make up I look like a guy still. This upsets me the most, and I'm hoping the changes happen here soon.

I just today(9/24/10) had my second laser hair removal appointment, so hopefully next month I can give some really positive results about hair loss on my face!

I love the smell of men. I enjoy the physical contact of my guy friends as well. It's not sexual, but I feel... safe and like they can protect me. It is an odd feeling since I know I could easily defend myself from any of them, but it's also pleasant at the same time.

At this time I will say that I will seek men for a relationship in the future, but that might very well change.

Overall for month two I am happy with my results. I do wish things would speed up but, I am still young, although I feel like I wasted so much time. And know that a plan is in place, and I am moving forward with my life and transition!


Month: 3
Medications: Spiro + Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 145



Taken before the party began, right after the photo my best friend ran me upstairs, got a few things slightly changed about my wardrobe and the party began! Taken the night my life officially began!

Wow three months already???

I am unsure where to even begin! I feel alive now. I got switched to injections at almost maximum dosage two weeks ago now.

I LOVE the way I have been feeling. Everything clicks for me now emotionally and psychologically. I am always in a good mood and find myself excited about each day!

The dysphoria is still there, but more and more it's easier to hold back because now I actually can see the results. I wasn't sure how much I had changed, if at all until last night actually.

I went full out to a friends halloween party and most guys had no clue I wasn't a gg. I had guys flirting with me, asking me to dance and was getting a TON of positive attention. All of the girls there knew about me and are very good friends of mine. Several of the guys also were aware but never said anything.

I found myself fully integrated into the female world, and for the first time in my entire life I felt right and felt that I fit in! I am so super excited now about everyday!

I did have to stuff my shirt, but if I wear a tshirt or a tight fitting top of any kind my chest is actually noticeable. I have to wear baggy shirts to hide it. I thought I still looked like a male in the face, but after looking at my pictures from last night I realize that my face has changed to the degree in just three months that I am passable. I still feel that I have a long way to go and easily spot my flaws but all of my girlfriends swear that I am gorgeous! I actually had a girl there who I didn't know say how jealous she was of my legs and figure(everything was me but the chest being stuffed).

I don't have huge hips but I do have them now. The hair on my chest is growing INSANELY slow now, and it's really not noticeable to anyone but myself or so I'm told.

My leg hair is really fine and my legs shave really well now. I still have hairy arms that I hate but am now considering using ideal image for my arms as well. After my second treatment from ideal image, I now have a few patches of hair that grow from my face, the rest is easily covered with foundation and I only need to use a light concealer to cover the patches now.

I have noticed some testicle shrinkage but no other changes.

I still don't have a huge sex drives, although I do find myself extremely attracted to certain men. They all have certain things in common and I'm beginning to believe I found my type!

I am amazed at my three month mark changes. The last month has brought more noticeable changes to my face then I thought was possible. I compared a side by side of my picture wearing the same make-up from tonight with the one from just over a month ago and I go from looking like a drag queen to almost looking like a pretty woman.

I will give 4 month update, then I will move to an update every two months unless there is a sudden major change or a growth spurt comes along, then I will give an update sooner.

I stopped practicing on my voice, and now just try to use it when appropriate, I am not sure why, but I constantly have people tell me that I will sometimes start sounding like a girl, so I guess it's working. I notice my responses are naturally higher now and I swear my woman voice has changed and developed. I plan to start using the new voice more and more until I am using it 100% of the time.



Month: 4
Medications: Spiro + Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 141.5 (I can't figure out how to gain weight, I'm trying everything and it just won't go up.)



At my lil sister's wedding with my niece, after this picture I went full time. This was me in full guy mode on the last day I ever dressed like a guy.

And here we are at 4 months....

I am unsure where to start. This is going to be a bit different then my other few month posts, I hope that's ok.

I went ahead and followed through with going full time on my birthday even though I'm not 100% passable. In fact with not wearing a wig and using only light make-up and not stuffing my shirt I'm not passable. If I put on a wig, stuff my shirt and put on heavy make-up then I am.

For some reason, it doesn't feel right for me to wear a wig and stuff my shirt. I want to be passable, I want to be mam'd, to have guys talk to me and not worry about what they are thinking. But, it's not me that way, stuffing my shirt and wearing a wig with too heavy of make up.

I look at my halloween pictures and realize that while I am passable that way it's not who I am, and so I've decided to go my own route on this, and just be me. I have my hair cut in a pixie while letting it grow. I added highlights and got my eyebrows waxed. I get complimented on my make up and jewelry constantly, but I'm sir'd 95% of the time. I know it's because I have a flat chest and without a wig and with my hair so short my male features really show. I have a feminine voice but it's not anywhere near where I want it to be. I had stopped practicing for the last month and just was winging it with my voice and making progress but last week decided to go ahead and buy some of the audio tapes from Kathe Perez. In just one week I have noticed tremendous improvements using her methods.

There's no question about what's going on with me for those who see me now. I thought of going virtually stealth with this, but I realized that where I live, this isn't something people are even remotely familiar with. Almost no one knows anything about it. I work at one of the busiest places in the state. We see more people through our doors then any other business not counting the other Costco's in our state, and I have an opportunity to help pave the way for future transitioners. I have the personality and the ability to show that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm not a freak, I'm not weird and truthfully I'm not all that different. It's quiet amazing to watch everyone. It definitely hurts somedays and makes me question the wisdom of my path, but, I can do this step by step.

It's been almost 1 month now since I went full time and I've already gotten a few repeat customers and more and more people are accepting who I am. There are still the weird stares, the double takes and the quiet laughter as someone points me out to one they are with. And every time it hurts. Every time I have to remind myself why I am doing this. Even yesterday when I went to the mall I began to let the looks get to me, and had to stop and remind myself of how far I've come, that I can do this and where I plan to end. This is but a path that will help forge me into the woman I should have been.

It gets hard and I definitely don't recommend this for anyone unless you really wish to be very open about your transition with people, to have complete strangers approach you and ask what you are doing and why. Why... Out of every question that is one of two that drives me nuts. The other is why I want to do this, which is part of the why but deserves it's own mention. I always answer with the same answer. I don't want to do it, if I had a choice I would just be happy with how I was born. It's not like my hair is a weird color or length. I don't want this, I have to do this, there's no choice in the matter for me.

Now for the good parts! I love the girl nights. Hanging out with my friends and being completely accepted. To be included in the girl talk, to be treated like them like just another female. They freely pass make up tips and even ask for my advice and help. The sharing of jewelry and clothes and discussions about men and just goofing around. It's so liberating to finally be me and be accepted as the woman I am! I'm really excited about my future and can't wait for the next year to pass, but at the same time and grateful for my chosen path because I know I am making it that much easier for the next woman or man to follow their heart and correct their bodies!

Now for the physical stuff! Ok, first I need to mention I made a huge mistake and for three weeks I missed all estrogen dosages. I don't know if it was just stress or lack of focus but apparently I injected myself with nothing but air for three weeks and almost lost it until I realized I had been missing my estrogen. Thankfully I remembered my spiro every day so testosterone didn't start to reverse things but I am still very upset over the lost three weeks.

My chest is growing nicely. I think it's about half a cup size now and it is shaping very nicely, round at the bottom and is looking very normal and natural, my nipples are also really growing. I now hope they double in size and I'll be more then happy, but even if they don't grow much more at least they are now acceptable. Judging by how sensitive they are and how much they still hurt I'd bet they are still growing and have a ways to go. I hope my breasts grow to a full B, anything smaller and I'd have surgery to get them bigger, I don't want anything bigger then a full C. The girls on my moms side have average size while the girls on my dads are large so I am unsure where I'll wind up. My older sister is a full D and my little sister is barely an AB, but we have different fathers.

My hips are shaping nicely and I discovered I have a females bone structure, hopefully I can put on another 15-18 lbs and get even more curves. My chiropractor had mentioned an abnormality in my x-rays, and when I came out to him that I was a transgender, he pointed out my bone structure and how it was female, so that's really exciting as well!

The hair on my chest still is black in color for some of it, but it's still thinning and now it slides right out when I go to pluck it like it's not even attached. It also takes a lot longer to grow back in as well.

I have a sex drive again and can still function as well although I really don't enjoy stimulation much. I am definitely going to date men but I think until I get serious with someone I'll continue to fool around with women from time to time.

For my face, it is still changing drastically and I can't help but wonder where I'll wind up. If I take off all my make up I look like a man, and unless it's very thick I still look like a male but a very, very pretty one. I was a good looking guy before beginning all of this but now my friends tell me I am just gorgeous and they wish I could stop the hormones and just stay where I am because of how beautiful I am. It's sweet but not anywhere near what I want to hear.

Of course I want to be beautiful when this is all said and done, but the most important thing for me is to be passable and completely accepted into the females world by everyone without question.

Guess time will tell. I'll update this again in two months at my six month mark! Hard to believe how much time is going by. Can't wait to see where I wind up. I'm working on getting pictures together for this journey I'm on and share a visual story for the one I've been writing here.

My facial hair is almost gone, only the goatee grows now and it's very sparse but visible without heavy makeup. I'm hoping my appointment next week takes care of that. It'll go a long way in helping me pass.

I also thought as a funny sidenote. My best friends daughter is 12 and built EXACTLY like me. Thin as a rail and just beginning to go through puberty so she barely has a chest. We all laugh cause the two of us are going to be going through puberty at the same time lol. It's helpful for her as well to be able to talk to me and ask me questions on what I'm experiencing and I am able to look at it from an adults perspective while experiencing the same physical sensations as her.

Oh, and I have a cycle as well. Not sure how I feel about that but wow... it sucks!


5 months:



This is me taken during some christmas shopping, I was very grungy, had just gotten my lazer treatment earlier that day so didn't have any make up on yet and we were rushing from store to store.


Month: 6
Medications: Spiro + Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 143.5



Taken within 1 week of hitting my 6 month mark. I still have a ways to go, but I'm beginning to be really excited about this coming summer!!


So WOW!!! SOOOO much to share with everyone and I don't even know where to begin!

First off, Hi everyone!!! I know I don't post a lot on these forums. With having such a solid support group while going through all this and having even more friends step up to be there it's just hard to find time. I don't want any of you to think I don't love each and everyone of you. If you ever need anything I have to offer, advice or just someone to talk to please send me a message on here and I'll get back to you!!


Ok, so let's get this rolling! 6 months OMG!!!!

Let's start with the physical shall we! So I'm almost a full A now! I'll be getting sized within the next week and I'm really excited! Something happened over the last two weeks, I've had insane pains in my chest and been incapable of sleeping on my stomach half the time and they just started to grow. I've developed a pretty cute figure as well overall, my waist is now 25 1/2"! I use to be a 32. It's nothing amazing but I definitely look female through my entire body now and that's very encouraging! I haven't gained weight(2 whole lbs) like I've been trying but my weight has definitely shifted to my hips, butt and chest. That's EXACTLY what I want so I'm not complaining but I'd LOVE to still put on at least 10-15 more lbs to get even a better figure! I guess there really isn't any pleasing a girl when it comes to her body lol!

I get clocked about 50/50 now for being a guy or a girl. While it's very frustrating I have to remind myself that just one month ago, I was getting called sir over 75% of the time. It's not the 100% mam I am so desperately wanting but I can settle for being called mam as often as it's now happening as long as it continues to come with more frequency until 'sir' becomes obsolete!

I still grow some very light chest hair and an almost invisible happy trail and it frustrates me to no end. As far as my facial hair goes you can't even see it unless you look REALLY close when I'm wearing make up now. I have my next laser hair removal appointment on the 7th and I'm thinking that will do it!

My feet have changed, my doctor says she isn't sure how it happened but she had seen my feet at the start of all of this because I had something going on with my nails and she wanted to check my toes as well. She had prescribed me medicine for it that I took for 12 weeks and now they are starting to clear up albeit slowly. When she looked last month at them she commented on how my arches have changed and that she's positive my feet were smaller then before. I pointed out the entire shoe size I lost and she just laughed.

Hrm what else physically... lol I can satisfy myself with just my chest! My nipples are also growing very nicely, they are still to small for my taste but they are now without a doubt female. My chest is shaping very nicely, I'm really excited about this but also scared they may not get much bigger. I REALLY want a full B, I think it'd be PERFECT for me. My butt is still pretty small, but my friends tell me they are jealous of it all the time so idk yet, I still want to gain more weight first before making up my mind.

I have found my female voice completely. I am unsure what happened exactly, but just over a month ago I was driving home and my favorite song by Alison Krauss came on, When You Say Nothing At All, and I began to sing along with it. I felt something shift in my voice and suddenly I was female in my voice. The second my voice slipped there it felt extremely natural and I had to pull over because I just started to cry so hard. I called one of my friends to tell her and she asked who this was calling her!!! I freaked out from how much this excited me and so did she when I told her it was me! I can force my male voice back but it's not the same at all. I think it was something psychological that clicked but either way I'm now mam'd 100% on the phone or when using vent or skype. My mom says I sound like my older sister exactly and when I called her the first time after the shift she thought it was my sister using the phone to call her. So this is a HUGE yay! I'll upload a voice recording if I ever figure out how to do so lol!

My sex drive has changed in every way. I want men completely. Women are fun to look at and sure there's a few I'd want to play with but give me a man who will hold me down when I want to be held down and keep me safe at night! I really didn't expect to enjoy the feel of a guys arm or even for my skin to become so sensitive that I can feel each individual hair on their arms as they hug me or brush against my arm but wow!

I have changed my tactic with people at this point in the game who like to point me out and make odd faces, I just stand there looking at the one who did it and who they are with, and when one of them or both turn to look I smile and wave, then quickly flip around, really wish I had long hair so I could do the whole drama scene to perfection but, it makes me giggle as I look back over my shoulder to wink their way to see the look of shock on their faces that I had caught them.

I still don't get a ton of guys who flirt with me in my age range but I've had a few, and I LOVE flirting with men. It's very exhilarating and a whole new experience to be on the female side of things.

I have had a few guys ask me out and I have politely refused all but one, but I met him through a mutual friend and while I think he's amazing and he's completely into me, we both realize it will end in heartache if we allow ourselves to fall. He's gay and while the schematics are still mainly male on me for the most part, that will change and I will become a complete person, but it's still very nice to have someone who will take me out, treats me 100% like a lady and never calls me any male synonyms. Just wish he was bi instead. He is newly out of the closet on being gay so MAYBE I could get lucky and he'll discover after the initial outing of being gay that he's in fact bi but I'm not holding my breath for it. It's still fun to hang out with him and while I haven't let him kiss me yet I might this saturday if he tries!

I still get very down some days. When it happens I take myself into my room, lock the door and just let myself cry for a bit. Every day though it gets better. And now with my body and face changing, having my voice FINALLY be female, I can look at the changes, look at the before picture and the now, and smile that I'm doing this.

This is happening for me. I'm doing it! I feel like I'm in a cocoon atm and here shortly I'll break free and spread my wings and fly. I don't dwell on the lost time, and I don't think about the gained time. I'm thinking on the fact that I am me for the first time in my life. I still see some of him in me when I look in the mirror or have to shower. But it doesn't matter, more of who I really am is showing now then he is and I can literally bring myself to crying from how happy it makes me!

Oh and one final bit of icing on this update cake before I call it a night and get my lil butt tucked in bed. My therapist and my primary doctor have decided I'm ready for an orchi if I wanted one! It's 6 months early but they all feel that I am an exception to this rule! So on Feb 11th I'm getting my orchi! I will be getting full srs in a year from today still but this is SUCH a huge step forward and will be SUCH a conformation PLUS it will be fully healed for this summer and if I continue to advance as rapidly as I have been this last month alone over the course of the next 3 then I'll be able to wear a bikini this summer!!!!

I guess time will tell! Oh, and in case you missed it in my writing. I'm very, very happy now 95% of the time! There is a week per month that I have learned to dread but even tho I know I'll hate life for that week, there's a part of me that smiles and just has to say, I'm doing it!

[Samantha_Marie]

Month: 7-8
Medications: Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 142



This was taken on the 24th of march!

Hard to believe I'm now sitting here at 8 months into my transition. 5 months since going full time and almost 1.5 months since my orchie!

Have I noticed the changes at this point? I'd have to say not nearly as much as the rest of the world has! How fascinating it is to still see traces of who I use to be, but run into someone I have known since I was 2 but haven't seen in the last year and they don't even recognize me. Such a funny story!

I was at work and my Step brother and his wife came in shopping. I was chasing down an item for a member and saw them, walked up and said hi, greeting each by name, asked how they were and the look on their face was one of trying to figure out who I was. They never mentioned my name through the brief conversation and at first I thought they did recognize me but didn't support my transition, but as I was back up front and they came through the female looked at me closely and said with an apology that she can't place where she knows me from! I just laughed and said to ask Patti, who is my mother. That night I got a call from my mom who found the whole situation quiet funny and explained that they had NO clue it was me, that my step brother just thought I was some girl saying hi and didn't know if they knew me from there or not! They both are very impressed with how I've changed and want me to come visit them more often lol!

For the physical changes, My body shape is without question that of a female. I was blessed though because I have a female bone structure, so it was simply a matter of adding in the necessary hormones and removing those that I never should have experienced to get there.

I still grow some chest hair, it stands out like a lighthouse on a stormy night in my eyes but no one even notices and my friends always laugh when I mention it cause they never even noticed. It's very feint, and I couldn't tell you how long it grows because I don't give it the chance. The hair on my head is well over twice as thick as it was before starting hormones and according to my stylist I have the healthiest hair she's ever seen!

For my picture I chose to share a close up of my face this time to give a clear picture on what hormones have done thus far.

You can see that I have no facial hair at this point. There are about 10 small hairs that grow still but I am keeping it in my thoughts that in another week or two I will enter the regrowth phase, I guess we'll see how much returns.

I chose the picture with care. It's one I do not like that much, I just see the flaws of myself and hate how much of a difference the camera shows me vs a mirror. But, at the same time, that's me everyday. Without the hat on most occasions now since my hair is finally long enough to style! I can't say if I look female at this point from a personal  perspective. I can say I do get mam'd or miss 90% of the time, in fact the only ones who ever refer to me as a male are those who knew me before my transition who slip up from time to time.

I know without a doubt I'm getting my nose fixed. A very slight alteration though. Obviously the adams apple and possibly a fix to my hairline but it has moved up significantly from the hormones and use of propecia.

Am I passing? To me, I still see the distance to go and struggle to maintain remembrance on where I started.

Which brings me into what I really am wanting to write about at the moment. Self perceptions, identity and the way the world now appears to my eyes through this journey...

How does one know ones life, how do we know the choices we've made are the right ones? What about the ones we know were the wrong ones? How many of us say we would go back and change the choices we had made, but what if the results weren't what we expected?

I have often looked over the life I've lived and find that perhaps it never even happened, the possiblity of a life like mine is best left to the impossible, I would rather believe that us as a species are better then this, but perhaps our true worth is hidden underneath, perhaps there is a hidden message, I am unsure.

I can't help but think about how much we search for something that you'd think would be so easy to find. Aren't we born as us? Do we not live with ourselves every day?

If only it was so simple. I've learned some interesting things about myself and who I am through the journeys of my life. Taken many roads that have lead to dead ends and left a tear across my heart. Followed countless trails only to wind up further back then I started, all the while trying to be the person that my family, loved ones, friends and even complete strangers said I was, or that I should be.

For the first chapter of my life I lived as someone I wasn't, and tried very hard to be. Every step closer to being this person, the further away I felt from the world. The more I found myself building walls to prevent the tears that were flooding my soul.

But, I have been blessed, and, it wasn't until very recently that I learned how much of a blessing my very unique path has been. The gift I was given to see the world from opposite sides and know that who you are is not what is always seen.

Until I was willing to risk everything to find myself, to risk loosing every single person I had met throughout my life, that I was truly able to find the happiness, the self worth, and my own identity.

It was with a very conflicted mind that I began a journey to find me. I had tried everything I could to beat what I thought were the demons in my heart. To somehow block the essence of my being in order to be what was right by the status quo.

I tried rebellion, I tried to bury the pain through drugs and alcohol, fighting, adrenaline, the military, marriage, becoming a parent, and eventually, wound up looking at a bridge with but one lost soul that I finally began to truly look for the person hiding inside me that had been fighting for over 25 years to get out.

It has not been an easy path. And it took baring myself to the world in a very painful and frightening journey that I first started to catch a distant glimpse of me, until eventually find myself standing in a crowd of dear friends and lasting relationships of true worth as the girl I am.   

Finding oneself for some is as simple as waking up and saying this is me, and living as you are. But for some of us, it's a turbulent path with tens of thousands of obstacles, from close family members, to spouses up to and including the public in general.

Looking back at my path I wonder if I'd even be sitting here now putting pen to thoughts today had I not of taken the first steps.

I truly believe it wouldn't be me, but some stranger that I was desperately, and utterly failing, at being.

I didn't choose to be born the way I am, I didn't pick this life, to be left with the only doors available to me. I simply chose to continue forward, to pick the door that my heart cried for in a fierce cadence of tears.

So I began to open the doors, and walk the path with but a few pairs of footprints and left the common trail behind, and every day I wake up smiling for it.

How different my mind works now compared to before. A single thought can turn into a days worth of ideas and worries. A pair of shoe's or even a hat into a new wardrobe to match. Before I'd see something I liked and without thought buy it and use it at random, now my mind won't stop with the possibilities. Testosterone definitely has an off switch for the brain, on estrogen the only release from thought I have found is to dance! I use to wonder about the whole dancing thing. Now I get it. The mind doesn't stop, and it changes directions so frequently. Scatter brained comes to mind often now and I find myself laughing as I struggle to maintain course at times.

As I look back over my life I notice a very distinct change that I am unsure if it's a defense, a wish or simply a reality of change. I can't see the boy I once was. My memories have played an interesting trick on me by altering things to me being in a female role, and if it's an intimate memory, the partners of the past will often times change as well to match the way I now see my past. I can't remember being a boy. I know I was one, or rather I tried to be as such. But it's like a cloudy dream that won't go to focus.

I do get hit on a lot now. And have begun dating both men and women. I find I still enjoy a females touch, but I definitely prefer men. Still haven't been intimate with a guy yet but I do plan on that in the future. I am just unsure if I will take that step until after the final procedure to correct my body in it's entirety. But, I'm a girl that will try anything once!

I can't wait for the next few months. Honestly if I only changed 1/4 as much in the next year as I have in the past 8 months I will be happy with my transition. But, I think I'm just getting started. Time will tell.

Am I happy now? In every step of every day I find my smile. Even on the darkest nights when it feels like the storm will never pass I can find my smile and hold on. Part I is past. And now as I walk the path of my life and each step brings me closer to the reality that should have been I can't help but laugh and often times dance around with a shout of, "I'm doing it!"



Month: 9-10
Medications: Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 145


9 months:



My first time ever wearing a dress outside. This was taken at 2am right as I got home from spending the night dancing so I am a bit drunk! This is the way I currently look except my boobs aren't quiet that big yet, but this is how big I plan to get or to have surgery to make it this way!


10 months:



So yea, there's a pic as promised without make up. The one on the left was taken on my way to my first laser hair appointment on July 27th of last year and the one on the right was taken about 2 minutes ago. That's with 5 appointments for laser hair removal! Still have 4 more to go but as it stands I haven't shaved in over 3 weeks!



A real picture of me at this moment taken last wed!

It is REALLY late here so I'm going to go to bed but tomorrow after work I will get this updated in full. I just wanted to get these pics out so you all can have an idea of where I am!


And now to update for 10 months...

As I sit here trying to think on what I'm going to write, I can't help but think on my past. The life I've lived and the journey that has taken me to the point of breaking and giving up on everything. How many times did my dysphoria threaten to overwhelm my life? How many times did I run from myself?

Deciding to take the first step was one of the hardest things I ever did. What if I was wrong about everything? What if, I was simply so scarred and scared about all that I had experienced in life that this was merely an out for me, an excuse to lay so much blame upon...

When I started hormones I began to feel an almost overnight change. Things ever so slowly began to click for me, until I eventually found that even with the way I looked, I was able to smile again. That I could enjoy simple moments without my soul crying out.

I walked so very far to reach the point where I now sit, endured more trials then what should be asked of anyone. Yet still, here I now sit letting my fingers find their familiar homes upon my black keys and without thought allow them to find their own way and express what it is that I feel.

I spend so much time now in thought, countless hours thinking upon anything and everything and wonder how amidst it all I have found a place where I am truly happy?

I use to laugh at girls for loosing control of their emotions and tell them they could control it. I was never able to understand how we could become so passionate about something that before we had never before given a second thought to.

I get it now. I wake up some days and feel like I'm crazy with the way my emotions flip. How fascinating to truly understand something I have so desperately wanted to, to finally, for the first time in my entire life, feel sane.

I cant believe that as I sit here and let my thoughts form into words that I can honestly say, I love my life. I love the girl I am becoming. I can look in the mirror and see me, rather then a stranger...

The best part of this journey is I'm not even half way through the physical changes. But truth be told the most dramatic changes have been on the inside. To finally find my smile and to live as me, to wake in the morning and not be terrified that I have to live as someone else. To wake up, and leave my house as me!

Physically things are progressing at a rapid pace still. I've outgrown my 36A bra and will be going to find one more fitting as soon as this current growth phase ends!

My nipples are very large now and still growing!

I still have some chest hair that I absolutely hate it, I will more then likely be unable to wait much longer and will just have it removed. I just got a certificate for 60% off to ideal image so will apply it towards my chest hair. Will probably begin my first treatment in the middle of June!

I have developed a rather cute butt and have been told several times now that I should be a model! My face still needs work though. My nose and adams apple for sure, possibly my chin. I'm thinking about minor work on my brow line but I really don't know if I actually need it. If I make goofy faces(as seen above!) then I see the male features a lot more clearly but maybe it's just me? I'm not sure. I still see my flaws but seeing as how I get guys giving me their number while I'm at work now I am wondering if it's still in my head or not.

I think most of it has to do with my personality tho. I am finally happy, and it is contagious! I do love being told I look like Kiera Knightly but I honestly don't see it. I do plan to get her nose though and if I do get work done on my chin it'll be to narrow it down some.

My therapist is contacting Marci Bowers and will find out what she needs to get together to get me an approval for the surgeries I plan next year. She said she will set it up so I can get my surgery at any point and feels I am ready for it now!

What else...

Oh everyone is jealous of my skin, it ALWAYS feels like I just put lotion on. Seriously it's like my skin is not even a year old it's so soft now I love it. What else? I am going to be getting my hair layered and colored soon so for my 1 year update I'll definitely be without a hat. Will possibly go hat free for my 11th month as well but we will see.

Oh wow I almost forgot one of the most amazing details! I have a boyfriend! AND he is completely ok with everything about me!

When I met him it was over 3 months ago, and one of my friends was trying to date him. She'd bring him over and I never gave a second thought to him wanting me to hang out with them too. He got my number after the third time he had come to our house and would always text me and ask if I wanted to hang out with him and her. I thought he was just being nice or trying to use me for a ride but he'd always compliment me and tell me how gorgeous I was. I told him after knowing him for about 2 weeks about me, I didn't think anything of it I was just giving the information because if he was going to date my friend who was also living with me at the time then he might as well know just in case he ever stayed over and I was walking around in a towel and it slipped or something. I thought for sure he'd never be interested in a girl like me because he is 100% straight. After she moved out he continued to text me thought and I couldn't figure out why. I kept blowing his invitations to go out for a drink off until one day I had nothing better to do so I finally agreed to meet him for coffee.

Well, the conversation shifted after about half an hour and he said he really wanted to get to know me, I still hadn't even considered the thought that he was interested in me. He told me about how he had been thinking of me, a lot, and would love to take me on a date. I was more then shocked. He is absolutely gorgeous, smart and really funny. He also would always talk, AND listen to me when we did hang out with my roommate. I asked about them and he said he wasn't interested in her, that he kept coming over because he wanted to see me. She had told me earlier that they still hadn't done anything and she couldn't figure out why he wasn't interested in her. Everything began to fall into place and the only thing I could think to ask is why a guy like him would be interested in someone like me. His answer is what gave me the courage to give him a chance. He said, "I'm not stupid or blind, I know what you're going through but that doesn't matter to me, beautiful is beautiful and you are absolutely gorgeous inside, and out."

****Possible TMI section****

He's spent the last two months courting me and I finally agreed to be in a relationship with him 3 weeks ago. Two days ago, we took a rather large step and were intimate. It was my first time being with a guy, and a part of me thought maybe that's all he was really interested in, that perhaps I was a fetish. I did want him, and so took a chance. I did have to stop him because it began to hurt, I was worried he'd be upset, or that he wouldn't stop. He surprised me further by not only stopping, but actually spending time to make sure I really was ok and that he didn't hurt me. He has continued to text me and call me, and still is asking to spend time with me and said we didn't have to do that again if I wasn't ready to!

I think I do want to again, but will have to be a bit more careful until I become use to it a bit more. I definitely enjoyed it for a while, guess time will tell if I can continue to enjoy it for longer then short periods at a time.

***End of TMI section***

So yea! I don't know where the next few months will bring me but I am very excited. I finally live, breath, act and even look like always should have, and it's only going to get better!

I love it! Every single day I love this, I love my life and love the way I feel now. I know I made the right choice, and look forward to the day when I can fully join all of my sisters and shed all traces of the male that I was forced to live as and the body I was born in.

Wish me luck!




Month: 11-12
Medications: Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 145still


12 months:



So this is actually 9 days early but oh well. Just took it and it's currently 11:05 my time just got home and out of my clothes and thought why not take a real pic.

So I didn't get a pic uploaded for 11 months. Sorry about that been SUPER busy and honestly just didn't stop to get one I can actually share. Got a ton from the bars so maybe will add one in eventually.


Wow... 1 year...

Has it truly been one year now since I took my first step on this journey? How fascinating!!

There are so many places my mind is wandering right now thinking about the last year that I truly don't know how this will end up by the time I am through typing tonight. What would I do differently? What would I do the same? Do I still feel I made the right choice? Am I REALLY happy or do I just keep trying to tell myself that???

Let's talk about it all!


For starters, don't go full time at three months! While I'm very grateful for the many lessons learned and the experiences I had over the last year. The truth is it made it SOO much harder then it had to have been. I don't know if it was worth what I learned. I'm very, very grateful for it and know that now I know things that truly there is no other way to learn about not only others but myself as well. It was so very hard to sit there at 3 months into my transition living full time.

Second, don't rush it. What I mean is, don't go a full 180 without warning. Give a heads up something is coming and give your friends more time then a week to understand what you are doing before you just switch everything on them. But at the same time don't wait for them to be ok with it. I gave all of what I considered my real friends plenty of time but most of them it was just tossed on their laps one day as it happened.

Don't ever get ahead of yourself. Keep a realistic perspective on things and don't be to hard on yourself when you don't pass during this. Trust me I know how badly you want to pass and finally, truly be you, but like all things it comes with time. The worst days I had over the last years were the ones where I thought I looked amazing and no one would think I was a guy, then turn around and everyone was calling me sir or man and none of them knew me before. Those days hurt. They will happen. But they do pass and eventually stop coming.


Live in the moments, it took about 6 months to fully integrate into the female world. It's SO very different then the guy side of things. Learning to open up and not keep everything inside was very hard. But one day you'll realize that you're no longer trying to live in their world, but rather you're finally living in your world! That is an amazing sensation when that happens and you find yourself finally, fully integrated into the correct social structure!!


The best day for me over the past 12 months was from a very simple process. It was the day I looked into the mirror and was mad that I didn't look very good. Now of course you're reading this and wondering why this was the best day, it's really simple in the fact that it was the first time I didn't think that I looked like a guy that looked terrible, I just thought I looked like crap, my hair was a mess, I had on no make up yet not once did I think I looked like a guy. It was about 2 months ago, and not once since that day have I stopped and said I look like a guy today, it's always been I don't look that good... It's no longer other people that see me as a girl, I see me as a girl. I was so shocked, much more then I ever was when I use to look into the mirror and see a guy looking back. I was shocked because it was finally, truly me that I saw staring back!

I'm finally at peace. I don't try to be anything other then myself. Things click!

I still sometimes get butterflies when a guy asks me to dance and wonder if he'll see that I was born a guy, that he'll out me and I'll be embarrassed but so far they continue to dance with me and offer to buy me a drink or ask for my phone number or give me theirs! The first time a guy came up to me while I was just grabbing a drink from the gas station and asked me for my number sent me spinning!

I still have more to change, I know I'm going to continue to progress and blossom even more and I'm so very excited for it!

I'm truly grateful for getting the orchi when I did. I do believe that has helped me tremendously with everything not to mention simply helping with tucking. Can't wait to no longer have to do that annoyance.

I am speaking to a few surgeons to get my adams apple and nose fixed and will more then likely be doing those in the next month or two. My nose doesn't really have to be done but it really shows in pictures and just plain bugs me so will get it done as well. I'm really glad I waited for the year to proceed with any cosmetic surgeries because most of my face has changed beyond what I had ever hoped.

Time... such a funny thing how fast it can go, yet at times how it feels like it's not moving at all...


I do get hair growth on my chest. I'm definitely going to be getting it removed in the next month or two as well, or starting the process if I go with laser tho I think electrolysis would be better since there's so few hairs actually growing.

Practice your voice, really work on it, it's worth it to spend the time. You most likely don't need surgery or any of that to fix it, just practice, practice, practice. And when your voice is sore stop, don't push it.

Don't try to be a woman, that might sound silly but what I mean is don't do what you think a girl should do, rather do what feels natural. Let your mind and heart connect and let who you are out without trying to mimic anyone else. You'll be natural and most likely discover that you are very feminine all on your own once you let your guard down and just be. Trying to be a girl will leave you appearing fake and that's not something that any of us ever want. Lots of girls have various male habits just like lots of guys have certain girl habits. Just be you, and naturally everyone else will see you!!

Be confident! Even on your worst days, keep your head up, put a smile on your face and meet people in the eyes. It gets better, most of passing is in how you carry yourself, how you present yourself and how you let others know you feel. If you come across like you are not comfortable in your skin people will look for a reason as to why. You're gorgeous just the way you are, for every person that doesn't see it there's at least two who do. Not everyone is attractive to everyone, some people won't like you no matter what. Don't let them get you down, don't let them determine your mindset and mood.

Be strong! You can do this, you are doing this. If you are sitting here reading this now then you have already begun your journey! Trust me getting started is the hardest part.

The first three to five months are the absolute worst. Your body is learning to adapt to the new hormones, you're possibly coming out to your closest friends and family, maybe even going as far as I did and going full time! Keep your head up and I promise it gets better! Things don't stay bad. Every day things move forward, even on the days you don't feel it, trust me when I say they are!

But most importantly, the number one thing you should do, is not give up. Don't give in. You are stronger then you know, stronger then anyone else you know. What we each have gone through, are going through... it's beyond comprehension. It's not fair, but it's the cards we were dealt. So keep your head up and never, ever give in.

I love each and every one of you so much. I know I don't come around here very much any more but all of you are special to me and I am here if you need me. Smile ladies, you're doing it!!



Day 1:                                 


Month 3:


6 months:



9 months:


1 year!

[Samantha_Marie]

Month: 13-14
Medications: Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 145still




Not that great of a pic, will get a decent one up when my phone stops being stupid and will let me access it's information, stupid droid update


Ok so wow, 14 months now. Sorry this is late been super busy irl!

So what's all been happening for me lately...

Let's start with the physical changes/continuations shall we! Since most are just a slight improvement over before I'll keep it brief for this portion.

For my skin, I'm not sure if this is normal or just due to the amount of times I apply lotion(three times a day) but my entire body is literally as smooth as silk! I love it more then I can express!!

For my body hair, it is super fine now and shaves very smooth without leaving a trace of stubble which is very nice since my hair is so dark. My legs and arms even feel completely smooth and lasts for about three days til I have to shave again. I still get very, very slight growth on my chest that is very upsetting but am plotting a trip to an electrologist soon to deal with that pesky problem. I need to see one to take care of down below to get ready for surgery anyways so may as well get that handled while there. No real way to go about that procedure without a fair amount of embarrassment no matter how you want to slice it 

My hair is growing quickly! It is also silky smooth but I think that's more hair care then anything else. I've found the perfect routine for my hair is to only shampoo once every third day and condition it daily with a leave in conditioner every other day. I never blow dry my hair more then three times a week and never flat iron more then four. If I flat iron three days in a row I won't allow myself to for the next two days in order to help my hair stay healthy. This may be a bit excessive, I am not sure, but I love my hair and don't want to harm it!

My boobs are still growing, still in the A size and not sure if I'll ever fully pass into a B or not but I probably should keep reminding myself I'm only 14 months in and these things take time. But I want them bigger and I want them now!! 

I have very slight curves and am looking into getting a corset built. Not sure if I want to spend over 300 on one but considering the results you can get, it's a very small cost with the end result in mind.

I have been looking into getting my nose and adams apple fixed, but it looks like my insurance might be willing to cover more then I thought under the flex pay program so will wait til November to do anything further just in case they will cover more then I expect! Who knows maybe I'll get lucky and can do my full surgeries this January!! I pray for it to be so.


Now, what next?

This transition has been such an amazing journey. I've learned more about myself in the past year then I did in the prior 28. As I now approach the final year of my 20's and look at the many twists and turns I've been forced upon to finally reach the point of enough being enough and finally choosing my own path, I find a smile upon my face...

I can honestly say I am finally being me. After all of the years of struggling to be someone else, of trying to be this perfect person by societies standards, I've finally given up and just started to be.

There are some very distinct differences between my thought process now, and the way I thought prior to starting this journey. For instance, before, when I would write I could make a sentence be just that, a simple sentence. Now I find myself turning that one sentence into an entire paragraph of information. I can't help but laugh about it. I've gone over my writings over the past 10 years(I like to write!), and laugh as I read something from a few years back that I've written about recently. Before an entire page was more then enough for me to get my thoughts out and now... Well let's just say I hope you enjoy reading if you ever plan to read my writings now! The thoughts are still the same, just the way they come out of me has changed. The way I express myself... no, that is not right... the FACT that I express myself now shows in everything I say and do.

It's so strange to wake from the nightmare, and while I now find myself in that groggy state of wondering if it was truly a nightmare and if it's really over or if it will come back... I know it won't. Soon, never soon enough, but soon, I will have my head cleared and be able to forget about the nightmare. Leaving it as nothing more then a good story to pass on to those interested in hearing such tall tales!

I'm not sure how many of you had active night lives before your transition, and who maintained one during as well as continues after the, "You're there", finally happened. But I can honestly say as someone who has done so through all of it, the differences in the way guys and girls perceive a situation is hysterical! From the way a girl looks at a guy to the way he thinks she is looking at him makes me giggle.

One thing that does make me always smile is the moments when a guy comes up to my girlfriends and I and does something I always told my guy friends not to do, and he gets shot down fast. Or, on the flip side when a guy approaches us how I use to and winds up spending the evening dancing and laughing with us and possibly walking away with a phone number is fascinating. To know that even on testosterone, my mind was truly female. Regardless of what any test says, what any piece of paper says about me, to have real experiences that confirm who I am, to me, are priceless.

I've come to realize that while there are so many of us on here, it is still just words on a page and we all still maintain our own doubts and questions regardless of the answers given on here. I've found myself wondering if the doubts come in part, or mainly, because of the simple fact that, while each of us are connected in a way most will never understand, we don't truly know one another outside of the words we each chose to share. For some, this is enough, for others, they seek out those in their area going through this and get the help from them directly.

I've been blessed with some of the most open minded friends ever, if it wasn't for these amazing girls who never questioned my transition, who never accepted me into their world and see me as one, I don't know if I'd be on this side of the 50%...

50%... it's scary to think that our very lives are based upon this number. 50% of our brothers and sisters who share the same troubles we have won't make it...

I can understand how that is so. There's been so many times during this path that I've thought it would be best to stop trying to climb what appears to be an endless cliff face, to ask if it would be better for everyone to just hurl myself off. Even reaching the point where I had to call my mom and have her just speak to me while I drove to one of my best friends house, where I spent over 5 hours just crying about things.

If I didn't have her, I wouldn't be here now. That storm has passed, and the sun is shinning once more, but what about those who don't have that lighthouse to guide them to shore? To keep them clear of the shallows...

I've been speaking with my therapist and the two of us are working on forming a support group in our area to try to help shift those from the bottom half of that number to the top. I don't know if I am the best candidate for it, but my doctor is actually the one who suggested it to me. She took it upon herself to direct many of her patients going through the same thing to contact me. And quite a few have already.

It feels weird to me that I can bring hope to someone, I look in the mirror and still see so many flaws, but I don't see a guy anymore at least. But, I know for those who have been in contact with me through her that they are still here, that I've been able to be for them what my friends have been for me.

So who knows, maybe it will help, I pray it will. But I really don't know how to do it, my therapist ensures me tho that she will help in every way needed so maybe?!

Which brings me to what I want to say next. For those of you who are wondering if they should still continue on, please, I beg of you, please, contact me. You can call me at any hour and short of me being at work I will be there for you and offer any advice I can. 50%, That number has been on my mind a lot since that day a few weeks ago and it makes me cry to think that there are so many out there who have no one, or feel they have no one. If you truly have no one else, and even if you do but want someone anonymous yet that still knows what you are going through to be there for you, I'm here. If you want to contact me you can message me here, go to my facebook(Look for Jordyn Spry, or tsniaga.natas@gmail.com) and ask for my phone number if you need someone to call.

It is worth it. If you are 60+ or just barely entering your teens, married with kids or single. This can happen for you, we all can do this. There is a way. Don't ever give up.

I love all of you.



Month: 24OMG has it really been two years?!?!
Medications: Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 138

So a few pics, these range from recent to four months in age in no particular order!








< profile pic

So where to even begin...

Let's hope the pictures cover the physical changes. I've still had no surgeries other then the orchie, I do plan to get my hairline fixed and a few other very minor changes done, but nothing that is necessary, merely things I want to get done because I desire to do so.(Excluding the final surgery, that will[/i] be done, but not until next summer. I decided I really wanted to enjoy this summer and I definitely have been!!

Let me say I really am sorry I haven't been around at all. The truth is my life has simply been moving forward how I've wanted it to and even tho I haven't yet gotten my final surgeries, I just don't think about the fact that I pretended to be a boy for so long, and find myself frequently forgetting.

You might be asking how this can be...

Honestly I couldn't begin to tell you. For a while I thought it's a defense, but it's simply the fact that I've left it all behind, I've accepted myself and moved forward. I've spent lots of time doing what I do, which is reflecting on life, thinking about things in depth and keeping a constant diary. Always talking to the illuminated purple keys that are so very familiar but no longer means of escape, but of further self discovery. I no longer find I need to run to my diary and let myself get lost as my fingers sort out the thoughts of my subconscious...

I did go through past writings, I've read through moments of almost adding my name to the statistics countless times and reached a point several months ago where I almost gave up and found a final means of escaping this body I was born in.

In the deepest black of my fall I was caught by my friends where I was guided back up by their words... I can't begin to express how powerful something like what they did for me was. One in particular, my roommate and best friend Shannon. Without her I would not have passed through the light to find my wings and fly.

I can't believe how much I've changed. I still have those oh em gee moments where I think I haven't changed, but a glance in a mirror quickly dismisses such thoughts.

The last time I posted on here I thought I didn't have much changing left to do. I'll let you decide if I have in fact changed even more or not(haha), but I will exclude the, "I'm done changing physically changing without surgery" spill because I really don't know.

If you plan to live in stealth, I understand. For those of you who do not and have fully transitioned and have been so for years I must say, I am impressed! I will continue to lead support groups, to hold meetings and to be available at 2am for a friend who is having a bad day while going through their transition(last night, 2 am til 6am and I had to be at work at 10). But I truly don't know if once I've had everything finalized if I'll still go out to face the community and continue to fight anymore. The truth is, I'm over what I was and now just want to enjoy my life. I hate how selfish that makes me sound, even knowing I'll still be there for the support groups.

I don't know what else to say on that...

I do want to stress to those who find themselves in the darkness that if you have no one else, please, please please please email me(tsniaga.natas@gmail.com) and if needed I'll give you my phone number and help in any way I can. I know what it's like and don't want you to give up on yourself.

You are probably asking me why, and I'll explain it the best way I know how, and some of these words are what Shannon said to me when I was about to surrender, and something I believe exists in all of us. This is from my experiences in my local transgender community that I say I believe it exists in each of you as well. I've seen what happens when I've sat one on one with another of the girls or boys going through this and slowly gotten their mind off of what they are and gotten them to be who they are.

These were her words:

"When you're worried about it, I feel it. It's crazy to me how I suddenly feel the change come over you when you become worried about not passing or thinking someone knows. I don't know what you see, there's no way I could, but I know what I see, and what everyone else does, and so I don't understand how you could be worried. You don't know what you mean to anyone around you do you? Even people who don't know you, they want to get to know you. When you're being who you are, and not who you think people see, you're alive. It's like there is this spark of light inside of you that glows and passes into everyone around you. You shift gravity and people are drawn to you. Everyone, and I mean everyone wants you to be there because you make everyone become alive when you are being you."

She continued from there using more individual situations, but it was her words, and the experiences I had around those who were transitioning that I was able to see the truth.

I promise this applies to you. You might ask how I know this, but let me explain. You know things about the opposite gender that no one else ever will. You were born in a body that "belonged" to them, and as such got to live x amount of time, even pretending, as one. Yes, I know we were all forced, but that just makes the point more so. We were forced to find the slightest joy in the worst nightmare to even survive. Now, we get to be ourselves. If you haven't started to connect my reasoning yet then allow me to go further.

By being forced to find the slightest joys during the worst of times, and holding onto it, somehow showing others during this time that we were happy, we now are able to find ourselves happy constantly. And our ability to find that small joy is now magnified by the lights inside of us as our bodies hormones, physical appearance and our experiences progress. Now suddenly we have ourselves balanced. And we can take the smallest joy and make others feel we are happy...

Do you see it yet?

I do, and I've seen it in everyone of those in the groups I lead. I've watched them light up and found even myself drawn to being around them and I've always been one of the strongest persona's in a room.

If they can, people just like each of us, do this, so could I. And trust me on this, it's true. When it clicked in me I started to stop worrying about it and just go. I've never felt so alive in my life, I've never been happier.

Don't give in, show the world who you are. Smile, and you'll find others smiling around you. Laugh and experience the life we are each able to experience. Yes, it is terrible that we've all had to endure so much to get here. Regardless if you transitioned at a young age or not, we've all had to do it. We all share something that no one else will ever fully comprehend. It's a bad deal but you know what, we're actually the lucky ones. Because at the end of this path, we can honestly say we chose to be who we truly are, and not who anyone else said we had to be!!!

Love you all! I'll definitely return after I get any surgeries done to post pics. And please continue to email me for those who haven't done so already. After all, it was someone emailing me that made me realize I hadn't been here to update in ten months. 

Two years:

to


Years: 2 Months: 3
Medications: Depo-Estrodiol + Propecia+ Progesterone
Weight: 139

Mindset: Determined and Free!

Hey everyone!!

So I'm about to hit my two year mark from going full time!!! Crazy to think I'm one week away!!

So yea, I'm doing this a bit early, and originally I wasn't going to bother posting a "Two year full time" marker, but ya know, why not?!?!?!?!

What's been happening in the last three months... Hmm... Way to much!!!

Pictures first because those say more then I ever could...(Well hopefully, altho I do[/i] talk/type/both a lot!!!





Welp, for starters I decided to wait to get all of my surgeries done at once. If you want to know why, well, at the end of this coming spring I'm getting everything finally corrected, so rather then go through the pain now of some surgeries then go through it again in 6 months I'll just do it once and suffer for the least amount of time possible.

So what have I been up to?

I've started to wear a corset(about 8 hours a day, first week I wore it where it was snug, took some effort to zip up but not to tight that I felt pain of any type, just some minor discomfort). Been doing so for about a week now, I don't know if there is a noticeable difference or not yet, highly doubt it since these things take time but I will say that I did have to actually tighten it around my waist today and it hasn't stretched out so maybe it's working?? I also go a body harness that I wear almost 24/7, it's similar to a swimsuit only MUCH tighter so that's probably helping as well, also, I recommend this for umm... tucking issues!!! It works amazingly well, especially if you're umm.. well if you have a lot of donor material it's very helpful keeping things hidden and in place!!! I figure I'll wear it til it gets loose in the waist then buy a smaller size down, but this one is already two sizes to small so might take a bit!!!

What else...

Well I had a very frightening night earlier. Accidentely OD'd on Ambien, had my heart stop and everything. Very scary stuff. Spent three days in ICU and a day in CCU before finally being released >.> I've got a clean bill of health now but yea, not so fun.

The good news is, it did get me back to writing, something I desperately need to do. I've been working on a book and so far I have about 3 chapters done... hmm you know what, I'll go ahead and share a piece of the introduction with all of you to give you an idea of what's going to be in it. I won't include anything more since I do plan to market this book, It might be similar to what I've written in here but that's because I've been pulling out scraps of things I've said through this blog type thing I keep here as well as various other writings I have and am finally composing everything into a reveal all book about my life, transitioning, experiences and lessons.

***********************************************************************************************

How does one put pen to paper to explain their life? Where to even begin...

I died today. It's a bit scary to think about this. It's the second time
in my life where I've been considered legally dead only to have a sudden
recovery. The first time I was so young that I don't remember, this time,
was different. I remember it. Or rather, I remember waking up and realizing
I was still alive, not even realizing that I had died, or what had even
happened.

Why was I given not only a second chance, but now this third? To what
purpose is there for my life? Is there a plan I am unaware of? I just
don't know...

How does one know ones life? How do we know the choices we've made are the
right ones? How many of us say we would go back and change the choices
we had made.. What if the results weren't what we expected?

I often look over the life I've lived and believe perhaps it never even
happened, the possiblity of a life like mine is best left to the impossible.
I would rather believe that us as a species are better then the things I've
experienced, but perhaps our true worth is hidden underneath? Perhaps there
is a hidden message I've yet to understand, I am unsure.

For the entirety of my thirty years of life I've sought an understanding, I
look forward to the day I have answers to the questions, and questions for
the answers I hold.

The biggest question for me, is who am I?

Self perceptions, identity and the way the world appears to me is an ever
changing thing, constantly altering as my reality seems to shift around me.
Is this through new insights? A deeper understanding?

I can't help but think about how much we search for something that you'd think
would be so easy to find. Are we not born as us? Do we not live with ourselves
every day?

If only it was so simple for me. I've learned some interesting things about
myself and who I am through the journeys of my life. Taken many roads that
have lead to dead ends and left a tear across my heart, followed countless
trails only to wind up further back then I started, all the while trying
to be the person that my family, loved ones, friends and even complete strangers
said I was, or that I should be.

For the first chapter of my life I lived as someone I wasn't, and tried very
hard to be him. Every step closer to being this person, the further away I
felt from the world. The more I found myself building walls to prevent
the tears that were flooding my soul.

But, I have been blessed, and it wasn't until recently that I learned how
much of a blessing my very unique path has been. The gift I was given to see
the world from opposite sides and know that who you are is not what is always
seen.

Until I was willing to risk everything to find myself, to risk losing every
single person I had met, loved and unknowingly needed throughout my life that
I was truly able to find the happiness, the self worth, and my own identity.

*****************************************************************************************


Anyways, that's the opening few paragraphs from it!! I've got chapters 1-3 done as well like I said, but probably shouldn't talk about it to much since I'm still working on all of it!!!

Honestly tho, all of you are my inspiration. I keep hearing from all of you how I inspire you and how my journey gives you hope. But truthfully it's all of you that inspire me.

I'm blessed to have found this site, to have found all of you and to have this secret place I can come and just be who I am.

I'm happy, I don't have much more to say then that, I don't think there is much more to say then that. I know the true value of something so simple, as I know each and everyone of you do as well. Don't give up, keep fighting, keep pushing for this and find your smiles as big as I've found mine!!

[LeAnne]

Hey, I read this everytime you update it.  Just wanted to say thanks for writing it, I always look forward to seeing how you progress each month.

[kaLeY]

Awesome thread Gabrielle!
I have been following this since you first started and it has kept on getting better and better!  It's really inspiring and I'm kind of thinking about starting something like this, but am a bit shy and kind of scared about throwing all of this stuff online...however it definitely provides a lot of really good information for those of us just starting out so I might actually end up doing something similar if I can get over my phobia.

Anyways, I kinda sorta just started my transition (not counting the few times I've self medicated for short periods at a time) and have been taking spiro+estrogen for about 3.5 weeks now and have noticed pretty much all of the same changes that you noted in your experience.  I probably noticed the breast tenderness/sensitivity/pain at around 1.5 weeks and now I cant even lie on my stomach to sleep comfortably anymore.  The sensitivity has also been more extreme on my right one than the left (I'm right handed, but not sure if that makes a difference or if there is any correlation whatsoever).

And although I haven't really specifically picked up the sensitivity to mens smell, I have definitely noticed an overall increased sensitivity towards all smells..kind of like I magically became a blood hound or something.
All of my other changes have been pretty much in line with yours so I won't really talk about them since I'm on my phone and am a little lazy to type a lot on this.

I'm hoping I can get some decent results since I'm 23 y/o, but I guess only time will tell.

Oh, and I wanted to ask you about laser on the face since you seem to really be having nice results.  I think I have a similar skin tone (maybe slightly darker) compared to you and probably have about the same color/thickness hairs..with maybe a little more coarse growth throughout the face/neck.  I've started doing electrolysis on my neck area but have been contemplating doing 2-3 laser sessions to at least reduce the hair growth and coarseness.  I have been doing laser on my arms and legs and have had great results (with a GentleMax alexandrite) so far, but I'm a little apprehensive about doing it on the face...what laser have you been using on your face and how aggressive have they been on the settings??  How has the healing process gone and have you had any bad side effects?  Any info on this would be greatly appreciated because if I can see faster results with the laser I am definitely all for it!

Alright well thanks!  I am definitely looking forward to your next update!  Take care!

[Samantha_Marie]

Oh, and I wanted to ask you about laser on the face since you seem to really be having nice results.  I think I have a similar skin tone (maybe slightly darker) compared to you and probably have about the same color/thickness hairs..with maybe a little more coarse growth throughout the face/neck.  I've started doing electrolysis on my neck area but have been contemplating doing 2-3 laser sessions to at least reduce the hair growth and coarseness.  I have been doing laser on my arms and legs and have had great results (with a GentleMax alexandrite) so far, but I'm a little apprehensive about doing it on the face...what laser have you been using on your face and how aggressive have they been on the settings??  How has the healing process gone and have you had any bad side effects?  Any info on this would be greatly appreciated because if I can see faster results with the laser I am definitely all for it!

Sorry if this is really short, just had my orchiectomy 24 hrs ago and am still taking a lot of pills for pain.

I am not 100% sure the exact setting they use. I use Ideal image and while it's very expensive they know their stuff extremely well! They started out at a relatively low setting, but I still got amazing results, and have moved up higher and higher on their settings based upon my previous reaction. This last time I went in I asked them to remain near where they were last time since I was so sore afterwards. They had no issues doing so and after the had finished I was able to tell I was going to get amazing results once again. I've had 4 treatments so far and now except for the two weeks prior to treatment and the two weeks after I am hair free on the face. Hopefully this time I'll be still virtually hair free by my next appointment.

Overall I've seen a 99% hair reduction on the sides of my face, a 90% reduction on my neck with the most regrowth under my chin, a 75% reduction on my chin, and a 60% reduction on my upper lip by the time I returned for my last treatment.

I can cover up all of the hair that has remained very easily except for my upper lip. Hopefully in another week and a half I'll be able to say I no longer need to shave!

[kaLeY]

Congrats on the orchiectomy Gabrielle!  I hope you're feeling a bit better!
It was really nice of you replying so quick, but you didn't have to!  I definitely appreciate you're response though!

Your laser results sound pretty amazing..I hope I can get a decent reduction in 2 or 3 sessions...just curious, but did you remember what type/brand/model laser they're using??

I also wanted to ask where you found the research about the facial changes section in the beginning of the thread...particularly this part:

Now it is very true that the earlier you start hormones the more effect they will take on your body, especially if it's pre or even during puberty and up to the age of 25. During this time yes, hormones will effect how your face develops, the shape and size of your features and hair growth tremendously. With everything we do, the younger you start the easier the results.

Was this just gathered from reading others personal experiences or is there like some actual concrete information about this that you found??  From my research, I thought after the teen years, the main characteristics of you're face were pretty much set?  I'm 23, and I definitely hope I am able to see a decent change in my facial features, but I don't want to be overly optimistic because I don't want to be disappointed.  I'll be doing monthly pics in order to determine any changes because like you said, it's hard to see facial changes yourself since you do look at it everyday.

Alright, well thanks for reading and I hope you're feeling better!

[Rock_chick]

I'm fairly certain facial structure is genetic and develops cradually from birth and even if you started HRT really young, if you've inhereted a massive chin from either your mum or your dad...you'll still get a massive chin (not saying anyone has a massive chin). Same would go for other bone structure such as hips, unless you had some sort of IS condition, your hips would be structurally male regardless of starting HRT (these are mainly differences due to the whole reproduction thang), what would happen if you started HRT early enough (ie still in your growth phase) you could develop wider hips, but skeletally they'd still be male. Again I'm fairly certain that bone structure is largely down to genetics and what traits you've inherited from your parents...even if you started HRT uber young, if you came from a long line of women with narrow, boyish hips, chances are you'd be genetically predisposed towards that kind of figure regardless.

If this is wrong please feel free to correct me.

Where starting HRT young can work is in body and facial hair terms and development of secondry sexual characteristics...if you're still growing that means you'll probably have growth hormone floating around inside you and potentially could get quite good results, plus the younger you are the less hair you're likely to have. I say potentially because again genetics play a part and starting HRT youn doesn't necessarily = perfect results.

[RAY]

You are amazing! in such a short time you look female! Your photos are great! please keep us informed what you are doing!Ray

[Samantha_Marie]

Month 8 has been added!

[Samantha_Marie]

Added a picture for month 9!

[kaLeY]

Ohmygosh!  You look amazing Gabrielle!  Sounds like you had a fun night out!  Only 9 months and you're most def well on your way!!  Definitely can't wait to see/read more

[Samantha_Marie]

Wanted to report I just had my fifth laser treatment to my face on monday and except for a very small amount of hair left on my upper lip I am facial hair free! AND I have not yet entered the shedding phase which will take place over the next three to four days!

After the shedding phase I will post an up close before pic and a make up free current pic to give you girls an idea of what to expect!

[YinYanga]

You've made quite the impression on me..Ive even let my social worker read this topic; she was very happy to see me so motivated and trying to explain what all the little details you mention in your journey/diary mean

Ive bookmarked it, so it's nice to see your newest update

[Samantha_Marie]

Thanks! When I first started this, I was very nervous about what to expect. Even now looking back at what I wrote at the beginning I find myself wondering if it all was but a dream.

I am still nervous about how I will wind up in the end but truly believe I will be very happy. In g fact I already am!

I do think I will share until further out then just 18 months because I want to go all the way to three months after gcs.

I hope what I am sharing is helpful to all of my sisters who are on this journey as well!

[Ashley_C]

I loved reading this.

Please continue to post and update us.

I was floored when I saw your 6 month photo. You took such a huge leap there.

[Samantha_Marie]

I loved reading this.

Please continue to post and update us.

I was floored when I saw your 6 month photo. You took such a huge leap there.

I'll put up ten months  around the 25 and already have so much to share. The last few months have brought some amazing things and changes!

[Ashley_C]

I'll put up ten months  around the 25 and already have so much to share. The last few months have brought some amazing things and changes!

Can't wait.

[Stephanie.Izann]

Okay, I just read your post on my thread and wanted to come in here to check up on this thread to re-read a few things. I think that I WILL ask the Doc to through in the Propecia since I think it will enhance my situation. I am getting there but I'm at around 7 months and I don't think I had the success that you have had in that amount of time. I'm still very happy with my results, but I think a little extra "somethin'-somethin'" is going to help this girl out.
As I have said, I think postings like this one really help others out in a very positive way. Especially for those either starting or just wanting to compare their results.
Keep it coming!
Stephie