Dad just found out

[JaimeJJ]

Me and my dad have never had a good relationship.  I am the only male child after 3 older sisters and from day 1 my dad always wanted a little boy he could learn to play football and go to watch the games with and learn how to fight and all the rest of it.  Well, as soon as I learned to walk and talk he realised that wouldn't be the case with me because those were never the things I was interested in.

I always felt like my dad was dissapointed in me because of that, because I never lived up to his dreams and expectations. 

Today we came to blows, because I've had so much on my mind lately I havn't been the easiest person to live with and me and my dad have always had a bitter relationship so arguments between us are almost daily.  Today, we had another stupid out of control argument over nothing in particular where we were both in each other's faces and I stormed out the house for a few hours.

I just came home and my mum (who has known for about 6 months) called me in to the spare bedroom where my dad was stood crying.  I asked what was wrong and my dad started saying he was sorry.  I looked so confused because this was the first time I'd ever saw him cry and then my mum told me she had told him while I was out what has been going on with me.

He gave me a hug (another first) and told me we are in it together now and we will do whatever it takes to sort this out as a family and that I was his only son and he loves me (the last part was a little contrdictory, but I get what he meant).

I feel a mixture of emotions now... happy that I don't have to hide it anymore but almost a little weirded out over what has just happened!

Just thought I'd share...

[Robert Scott]

Maybe the mind change and seeing you as a woman will help him have a better relationship with him. 

[spacial]

jennifer

That is really great news. It's always going to be hard for any parent who is looking for a special relationship with one of their kids. Simply because it'll never happen. The nature of that doesn't matter. My father thought I would be the accademic success he wasn't and he could throw that in his brother's face. I just wasn't interested.

But your dad has take a big step here. He's grown up more than he's probably ever done. He's accepted that other people are different, yet they are still important.

I'm very pleased for you and your family.

[JaimeJJ]

Thank you spacial 

[Mrs Erocse]

Roxy and I are sitting here in tears.Your story is a wonderful story. We hope it gets even  better.

Big Hugs.
Patty & Roxy.

[Julie Marie]

It seems your dad had a lot of eye opening experiences when your mom told him.  His reaction was heart warming. 

Dad's often get caught up in trying to make their sons into men.  So much so they are blind to the fact they are causing more harm than good.  I had a dad like that.  And we fought a lot like how you described you and your dad.  Only our tension didn't end until I got married and had a kid.  Then my dad started being my father.

I've learned initial reactions are not always representative of a person's true feelings.  Often that reaction is a result of shock.  So it may be a good idea to start helping get education into the picture.  Don't overload them but offer them some well done and accurate information regarding transgender lives and issues.  A great book is True Selves by Mildred Brown because it was written for the family, friends and co-workers of trans people.  Maybe that could open up some more healthy conversation.

[rejennyrated]

It a great start, and a heartwarming story.

Just one thing to be careful of though, that he doesn't slip into the assumption that you want to be "fixed" and that the counseling will be to try to make you into a man.

Make absolutely sure he understands from the start that you LIKE who you are inside and you want to be the daughter that you feel you should have been.

[Dana Lane]

Teardrop fell here.

[VeronikaFTH]

Every time I read a dad story, it really affects me. My father is the only person who does not know... I could only hope that he will have a similar reaction. He's a very quiet person, one of those people who is very reserved. You know how they say "It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for"? Well, that's true here.

This story just goes to reinforce the fact that you never know how someone will react to the news of your transition. I've had people accept me who I thought wouldn't, and vice-versa.

Jennifer, I wish you and your father the best. It sounds like he's taken a step in the right direction... you may need to hold his hand a bit on the way though. 

[JaimeJJ]

Thanks for the lovely replies guys.  I'm not gonna take the initial reaction to heart because I know that people can come accross supportive at first, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty their views can change.  Just gonna take each step as it comes, let him ask any questions he wants and not push it.

[Rosa]

How beautiful!  Sounds a lot like my father, except for the understanding part.

[cynthialee]

Thank you for sharing that.
Best of luck and wishes!

[Janet_Girl]

Thank you for sharing, Jennifer.  Many of us will have tears reading it.  Very heartwarming.

[Nigella]

Its wonderful and a tear came to my eyes as I read your post. I hope it goes well for your future whatever you decide. Its your life not there's. My parents are wonderfully accepting and its great to see, isn't it.

Stardust

[JaimeJJ]

Earlier when I came home from work, he shouted me downstairs and asked me when I was next going to London to see the specialist.  Then he asked how much it would cost and I told him.  He said not to worry about paying for anything like that because he had money saved especially for things like this and he wants to pay for anything that will sort this out.  I of course refused and said I can't expect him to pay and he told me not to worry, just tell him how much things are gonna cost. 

He even suggest staying in a hotel when I go to London for the night so I don't have to rush back! Still in shock that he took it so well.. it's like I'm talking about a different person!

[bethw]

My dad passed away many years before I admitted to myself  that I was transgendered, I am SO happy for you. Enjoy the father daughter time. It passes much too quickly,
Hugs always
Beth

[spacial]

jennifer.

It really does sound good. As Beth says, enjoy your time with your dad.

I am just so happy for you.

Just a thought, and you know him better than any of us, but if he is offering like this, perhaps he wants to be involved. It is understood that you don't want to take his money, but you might think about ways to put him firmly into the loop, so to speak.

[Alice.Wonderland]

I hope that my dad takes it that well.
I'm actually dreading the day I tell him because he could react very unpredictably to the news.

[espo]

Humans are unpredictable, no doubt about that.

[Cindy]

Hi Jennifer

What a fantastic reaction. He may be coming to grips with all the horrors that he has put you through in the past. And realising how much he has loved and cared for his other daughters that he has missed out with you. I would, as Spacial said, make sure you include him in the journey. He may need a way of atoning  and showing his love.

Hugs
Cibdy