Bad Jokes

[~RoadToTrista~]

That last part is changed on Yahoo Answers.

'Why did the blonde koala bear fall out of the tree?

'She thought it was a game!'

Except they're monkeys.

[Karla]

A man is having sex with a woman and sees a picture on her counter and ask is that your husband, she says no. he ask is that your boyfriend she says no. He ask is that your brother she says no. He says damn who is it. She says that was me before the surgery

Still a popular joke on current sitcoms/movies/etc... 

[Natkat]

2 gay guys have a one night stand a dark night in the park, after they had sex they begin talking;

guy1"wow that was great, we should do that again someday"
guy2"yeah but next time at your place, where do you live?"
guy1 "*I live in ******"
guy2; "no way me too, on which street?"
guy1; "on ****"
guy2" thats also the same as me, I live in the blue bilding you know it"'
guy1"yeah I live there as well,nr 34 on 2 floor"
guy2; "OMG then we are neighbour, I Didnt even notice you where living right for me"
guy1; "no I live to the left"
guy2;"thats not posible, I live to the left.."
......................................................
............
guy1; hey mike
guy2; "what is it dad?"

[Walter]

2 gay guys have a one night stand a dark night in the park, after they had sex they begin talking;

guy1"wow that was great, we should do that again someday"
guy2"yeah but next time at your place, where do you live?"
guy1 "*I live in ******"
guy2; "no way me too, on which street?"
guy1; "on ****"
guy2" thats also the same as me, I live in the blue bilding you know it"'
guy1"yeah I live there as well,nr 34 on 2 floor"
guy2; "OMG then we are neighbour, I Didnt even notice you where living right for me"
guy1; "no I live to the left"
guy2;"thats not posible, I live to the left.."
......................................................
............
guy1; hey mike
guy2; "what is it dad?"

Lawl

[jazzie]

A skeleton walks into a bar, and asks for a beer and a mop.

[xXRebeccaXx]

Chaz Bono and Sarah Palin walk into a bar...

[Cindy]

 I started my computer and it asked for a new password of  8 characters.

I typed in: Snow white and the seven dwarves

[Aileen]

two birds sitting on a wire. Suddenly a jet passes by. One of the bird sighs and states that it would be nice to be able to fly that fast. The second one replied: "Guess it's not that hard - Did you see his butt burning?"

[Padma]

Two old horses are standing in a paddock, and one of them says to the other "I might not look like much now, but when I was younger, I came third at the Grand National!"

The second horse replies "Well, in my time, I came second at the Irish National."

Just then, a greyhound who happens to be passing by says "Huh, that's nothing, I won the gold cup at Walthamstow three years running."

One horse turns to the other and says "D'you know, I could have sworn I heard that dog talk!"

[edited to include the actual joke, as opposed to my addled earlier version ]

[xXRebeccaXx]

Michelle Bachman and her Husband are both 100% hetero.

[justmeinoz]

There's bad jokes and ther's sick!

[miss x 1990]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

[Padma]

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
A Juthinkhesaurus.

[Crypt]

2 guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks hahaha

[Padma]

A priest, a rabbi, a nun, an Englishman, an Irishman, a horse and a piece of string walk into a bar, and the landlord takes one look at them and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[Fighter]

A woman challenges all of the men in a bar. "I bet $20 that I can pee higher than any of you can in a fair contest!" One guy comes up and says, "I'll take that money." The contest starts with the woman, who stands sideways and lifts her leg up really high. She ends up peeing about three feet up from the floor. The man laughs and then walks over, whips out his junk and aims it really high. The woman smiles and says, "This is a fair contest, remember? I didn't use my hands."

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A girl named Mary went to Catholic School, but always slept in class. One day the teacher walks up to her while she's sleeping and asks her, "Mary, what is the name of our lord and savior?" A boy named Bobby, who sat behind Mary, took out a pin and stuck it in her butt. Mary shot up and screamed, "God Almighty!" "Very good, Mary!" said the teacher.

The next day, the teacher walked up to the sleeping Mary and asked her, "Mary, what is the name of God's son?" Bobby once again stuck the pin in Mary's butt. She shot up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" "Very good, Mary!" said the teacher, who continued to teach her lesson.

The next day, the teacher once again went up to a sleeping Mary and asked her, "Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after she had their 23rd child?" Bobby, with a smirk on his face, once again stuck the pin in Mary's behind. Mary shot up and exclaimed, "If you stick that in me again I'm going to break it in half!" The teacher fainted.

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Saint Peter is guarding the gates to heaven when Jesus walks up to him and asks, "Hey Peter, what are you doing?" Peter replies, "I'm guarding the gates to heaven, and only letting those who are worthy through. Basically I ask what they did in life, if they had any family, etc. Would you like to try?" "Sure!" says Jesus. After letting a few people through, Peter thought that Jesus was doing a good job and let him do the next one by himself.

An elderly man walked up to the gates of heaven. Jesus asks him, "So what did you do in life?" The old man replies, "I was a carpenter." Jesus finds it funny because he was a carpenter too. "Did you have any family?" asks Jesus. The old man replies, "Well I had a son but I didn't have a wife." Jesus is starting to find this story somewhat familiar. He decides to ask a question that will answer it once and for all. "What was your son like?" asks Jesus. The old man replies, "Well, he has holes drilled into his hands and feet."

Jesus has no more questions. This must be his father, God. He embraces the man and lovingly says, "Dad?" To which the old man replies, "Pinocchio?!"

[Crypt]

A woman sadly passes away and is awaiting entrance through the Pearly Gates, before she can do so though she must speak with St. Peter.
St. Peter pulls out a book and explains to the woman that it is a list of everything anyone has ever done good or bad and it contains Gods judgment upon those people, he continues to explain further that in heaven they are given a vehicle based upon how faithful they were to their spouse. As he looks through the book he finds her name and congratulates her on being such a good Christian and for being so faithful to her husband and for doing so she is handed the keys to a brand new car. Well a few weeks go by and God is walking through heaven thinking that things have been so peaceful, so quiet, so simply perfect until he is interrupted by the woman who passed through the gates a few weeks ago. He holds her and begs of her to stop crying, for there is no sadness in heaven everything is supposed to be perfect, and he asks her what is wrong with this heaven that she now resides in. To which the woman says "Everything was going perfect, I just got my car and I was pulling through the gates when I saw my husband go riding by on a skateboard!"

xD bahahaha

[Padma]

Manny is woken up one morning by his mother bursting into his room and flinging open the curtains, shouting "Come on Manny darling, time to get up for synagogue!"
"Don't want to!" he whinged and burrowed under the bedclothes.
His mother pulled the sheets off him and said "Well, you have to."
"I don't want to! I don't have to! Why do I have to!" he whined.
His mother sighed, and replied "because it's sabbath, you're 40 years old - and you're the rabbi..."

[Crypt]

Little Johnny would wake up in the middle of the night to goto the bathroom, one night was different compared with the others because on his way to the bathroom Little Johnny would have to walk by his parents room. Well on this night in particular he heard noises coming from the room and being curious as any little boy would be he looked through the keyhole to see his mother bouncing up and down on his father. The next morning he asked his mother what she had been doing to which she responded that she was deflating his father's stomach to make it smaller. Little Johnny laughed when he heard this and told his mother that she was wasting her time because everyday when she went to work the neighbor's wife came over and blew it right back up again.

[Fighter]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Where does a general keep his armies? Up his sleevies.

And now for my greatest joke yet, although you will only understand it if you're a gamer or love Superheroes:
Superman 64 was a good game .