OK, it's my turn. There is this ineffable, poorly understood gender ID, that inner knowledge or feeling that, as with Z, tells me I am not male. I have always known that and it has always affected my actions. It is akin to the sense that I am I, that I am the same entity I was when I was three years old, lying in my crib, listening to the grownups talking in the adjacent room.
But I also sense that there are two ways of dealing with the perceptions that we continually encounter. We can view the world as I-it, in which case, all is to be experienced and used. Or we can view the world as I-you, and, in that case, all are persons to whom we must be sensitive and to which we must respond. We are each capable of either response, but to treat the world as a collection of objects is the masculine response and to the other is the feminine response. Building relationships is a feminine goal; mastery is a male goal. To my daughter, her car is not a collection of metal, plastic, glass, and rubber parts, but a beloved creature named Betsy.
There was a letter in a recent newspaper column, written by a woman ready to divorce her mate, because she felt their marriage was without love. Her husband refused counseling, because, for him, the marriage was quite acceptable. They had sex several times a week, and she was an excellent homemaker and cook.
If we view the human with the tools of a scientist, we can say that the tendency toward these different viewpoints are the result of different areas of the brain developing larger or smaller, more tightly or more loosely connected because of exposure to hormones in utero, in infancy, and in puberty. One scientist remarked that many artists have feminine brains, sensitive to the feelings of others. Another writes the best therapists have female brains.
So, what is it that brings me to Susan's? Is it a female brain? Is it that I like to wear pastel pinks and purples and greens? Is it a desire to devote my life to those I love? Is it some strange nagging sense of self that is at odds with my body? That last, the gender ID, is certainly elusive, hard to explain and express, and so very real. I don't know how others function, but I love life, desire to live consciously and lovingly and fully and openly. If I have a female side or if I am female, no matter; I want to develop all my abilities to communicate, to relate, to be sensitive, and to respond. And if I have a male body and a brain shaped by male hormones, so be it. And if that be androgyne, then let's make the most of it--and live.
S
