let's make it hard for her ...

[Susan Kay]

I can't really complain about how my transition has gone. But I will - about one needless roadblock I am trying to get around, under, over or through.

Beginning my journey I knew a support group would be a good starting place, so I found one 18 months ago. That led within a month to a therapist (a great one, in my previously uncounciled experience). I saw an endocrinologist and began hormones 14 months ago, went full time 8 months ago, received my therapist recommendation for surgery letter a few weeks ago, have airline tickets bought and surgery scheduled for May 31.

Let see, check ... check ... check ... oh wait, the second therapist's letter. Got an appointment, saw her at the beginning of April where she said there was no problem with her writing me a letter. I went home and started the watch the mailbox drill. When it didn't show after 16 days I called. She was out of the office for a few days but they would give her the message. After 10 more days I went really full hysterical, venting to my primary therapist and generally turning shrew. He called and left at least 2 messages. No response to a fellow professional! I called again, explaining what I wanted again, and again they claimed they would pass the message on. My primary has called her at least twice again.

It is the weekend again, 3 weeks to surgery, and not only no letter, but no explanation. We are working on a plan B therapist, but time is running out. And I am running out of sanity.

Everything else is now done. This should be a time for getting ready and for general girlish excitment. Instead it's a time for pain and distress. If she's a professional I'm a navy seal, and I have as much swimming ability as she has empathy!

Venting over; ignore as you wish.

Susan Kay

[Domitia]

Big letters beside a person's name (can) make them not really care.

(10 months therapy, but going like every week)
My doctors just smile at the letters I get and suggest I still have a long time in my life, so not to worry about not being on HRT.
The referrals make me wait 6 months before I hear whether or not they really even care; still haven't heard anything.
Everyone ignores the calls of my therapist; despite having sent me to him.
The other doctors all claim they aren't taking new patients, despite accepting people with different problems.

Back to you, though.

As I'm pre-HRT and as such pre-surgery I may not know what I'm talking about but:

It was my understanding that you would need the letters before booking surgery?

Furthermore unless I'm mistaken again, isn't it usually necessary to have 12 months of "real-life experience"/"full time" before surgery?

If both of my previous two questions are "yes", then your surgeon is a bit more lax on guidelines and rather than treating them as law follows them with leniency. Is there any chance things will be fine even if you didn't get the second letter considering the issues you just described?

Regardless, sorry to hear of it. Doctors/Therapists/... can be cruel 

[Susan Kay]

Yes, I know many have really been put through the ringer in getting care; mine is a bump compared to some, but it is my bump.

No, letters are not required to book surgery. I may be showing that it might be a good idea to have them first, but my primary therapist has been in agreement with my course of action. If you wait to complete everything in one catagory of the process before starting another, this could take 20 years.

12 months is the recommended "standard" of care; there is no law dictating it. The surgeon I selected is flexible. He accepts my primary therapist's recommendation, and further, he believes as a 65-year-old, life long transgendered person, he is willing to be flexible regarding 3 months.

I have not even approached the surgeon regarding 2 letters. I believe the standards require 2 letters; they allow flexibility concerning 12 months with a strong recomendation. I have a strong first recomendation.

Susan Kay

[Domitia]

Thanks for clarifying it for me. 

Other than perhaps getting in touch with your surgeon, I can't really offer any ideas.

I wish you the best, hope things start looking up again soon.

[Jameve]

Yes, I know many have really been put through the ringer in getting care; mine is a bump compared to some, but it is my bump.

No, letters are not required to book surgery. I may be showing that it might be a good idea to have them first, but my primary therapist has been in agreement with my course of action. If you wait to complete everything in one catagory of the process before starting another, this could take 20 years.

12 months is the recommended "standard" of care; there is no law dictating it. The surgeon I selected is flexible. He accepts my primary therapist's recommendation, and further, he believes as a 65-year-old, life long transgendered person, he is willing to be flexible regarding 3 months.

I have not even approached the surgeon regarding 2 letters. I believe the standards require 2 letters; they allow flexibility concerning 12 months with a strong recomendation. I have a strong first recomendation.

Susan Kay

You should really talk to the surgeon then; I doubt he or she will be hellbent on requiring two letters from you. I'm sure this isn't as big a concern as you think it is.

[jesse]

i have to agree with what jameve has already said call the surgeon explain the issue im betting he says its not a problem quite frankly the standards of care are just that guidelines for doctors in how to treat us as patients your surgeon can require 1 letter 2 letters and infact no letters if he so desires. Srs grs or any other acronym you want to call it is an elective surgery, (no matter how we see it as a necessity) as such any compitent plastic surgeon could preform it same goes with ffs. unfortunately there are only a few who will and are skilled at it. The legal guidelines are more about health issues, is the risk to the patients survival worth the preceived results/benifits they hope to achieve. no amount of letters or signed documents can save a surgeon who opperates on a patient who then dies if anouther surgeon or doctor could have predicted the end result. malpractice suits are the real guidelines.
jessi

[inna]

Hey Susan, our grand plans, visions of future, sometimes come under cosmic scrutiny. I say sometimes but truly believe it to be always such is the force of life and it knows best what is the best direction for us right now, I think?
While worrying, your brain releases poisonous substances detriment to your well being, while you could sit through this situation thinking perhaps the timing of my surgery isn't precisely aligned with the higher power and maybe there is a message there or a postponement in place for your own good, just maybe. All that doesn't mean you got too sit and do nothing but these coincidences, I feel aren't coincidences at all, but road signs along the path. I hope I didn't add to your anguish , if so, you can Navy Seal me to oblivion :/

[Devlyn]

Deep breath, hon! Save your strength, you might need it to strangle your health care providers! And you didn't really think we would ignore you, I hope! Best wishes, you're almost there, hugs, Tracey

[Susan Kay]

I'm not totally self-absorbed - just mostly. Thank you every one that has posted to this. My primary therapist has been working on this, even during the weekend. Nothing final but options are arising. Thank you very much for caring.

Domitia, my therapist run-around is a disturbing situation, but the one you are getting surely is much worse. Multiple shows of indifference must be maddening. Is your therapist part of the problem or working for you like they all should be? I trust you are keeping him/her in the loop and perhaps is working to get actual medical service from these so-called providers. I am very sorry about that, and we all get lessons in smack the ->-bleeped-<- policies.

Jameve and Jesse, thank you about the suggestion to bring the surgeon in on the problem. That is good advice, and if real progress doesn't happen this next week I'm going to have to so so.

Inna, thank you for your thoughts. While I can't say I am in to the cosmic plan idea (I think much of what happens is totally random, not a plan or course) I appreciate what you say. And you're absolutely right about the brain releasing poisonous substances into the body. Much of what goes wrong with humans is self-inflicted that way. And no way would I send you to oblivion! 

Tracey, that is the best reason to save strength I can think of. I most certainly want a thorough choke job to occur!   

Susan Kay

[Susan Kay]

Thank you Val,

there is a lot to the old saying, "what doesn't kill me strengthens me." At it's best, transition is not for pussies. Most of our challenges are within ourselves, and meeting and surpassing them are internally challenging, but the solution is again, internal. A few are totally dependent on other people - at one end some medical person has to prescribe hormones, and at the other end a surgeon has to perform the necessary procedures and certification. But including and also in between those needed outside resources lies a person who MUST:
1. Realize that I was born with something wrong with me,
2. That it is not my fault,
3. Something can be done to help,
4. Only I can fix it.
In between those two bookend steps if you will, is a large and uncharted (by each of us as we first sail) body of water called transition, best crossed with a good navigator. I am blessed with a knowledgeable, caring and supportive primary therapist. I am here only because he is doing his job. It agrevates me considerably that another supposed member of my team is not.

Susan Kay

[Domitia]

Domitia, my therapist run-around is a disturbing situation, but the one you are getting surely is much worse. Multiple shows of indifference must be maddening. Is your therapist part of the problem or working for you like they all should be? I trust you are keeping him/her in the loop and perhaps is working to get actual medical service from these so-called providers. I am very sorry about that, and we all get lessons in smack the ->-bleeped-<- policies.

I truly didn't mean to derail your topic by mentioning my issues. I put them forward to relate to what you're going through. However, since you asked I really wanted to answer your question without skimping on the details to the point it's a useless response. The problem is that it would end up being a several page rant because of how incredibly ignorant the people are that I need to count on are (to get HRT). I have tried for a few hours now, I can't really write you a proper response. If I ever can get it into text I'll stick it into its own topic and put a link in this topic leading to it; as to avoid derailment.

In short. My Therapist is recommended by everyone, and is absolutely wonderful. I love going to him. He also works incredibly hard to help me; it just doesn't get me anywhere because of everyone else's ignorance, blatant lying, cowardice and apathy.

It really is cruel. As to with the supposed writer of your second letter, toying with someone's life is heartless; nothing else describes it.

----

And I would say we both have some major issues here (as with several others). Being ignored or lied to by a Doctor or Therapist about something that is absolutely vital to you is beyond my literary expression.

Otherwise I really can't think of anything to add. Hopefully things go alright for you with the second letter. As I tried to imply, and others have said, there's a chance it wont be a major issue for your surgeon. Just have to keep going and trying; you're pretty close to the finish line if there ever was one.

[Susan Kay]

No topic derailment percieved Domitia. We are all dealing with these things; what each of us discovers, and what problems we find and work through, hopefully helps us all. I will transition - completely; not negotable. I have learned from others that have transitioned without what is available today. They did it in spite of, and possibly because of, obstuctions and obstructionists. And I also have learned from those that did not succeed, perhaps more so than the successes. What I learn so as to accomplish what I need to accomplish, I hope can help those that follow. It must be.

Susan Kay

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

i've had something similar happen to me before. i tried to get on hrt the first time when i was 16, and my therapist wrote a letter. the endocrinologists completely wasted my time. they had me go down there for the first appointment. there was just one doctor there, and it seemed like things were going to go fine, but the next appointment which was about another whole month away. all of a sudden the second doctor shows up and says how i'm not suitable for this treatment because i have asperger's, and then the next bs mill he throws at me is that all of a sudden i'm "too young." they justsaid that if they called my therapist and discussed this, they could see what they will do, but they never called her... my mom and the therapist called them for weeks and they never answered. they completely dumped me off. i was very offended, and i can't find it in my heart to forgive them. just keep waiting for the letter. next time you see her, tell her you are very disappointed with the way she does her job. you should ask the primary therapist for a letter. unfortunately, there's lots of people out there who just want money, and will even halfass their job, because of their own lack of motivation.

[Susan Kay]

I think this is an important topic, way beyond the effect on me; that many, many of us have been and are being mistreated and ignored by supposed health and mental health care professionals. I can put this particular thread down, but the problem is large and distructive. If it is being more thoroughly and in a continuing manner discussed elsewhere here, someone please point it out.

After two weeks of depression and generally all around woe-is-me whinning (see exhibit above), received today was my second therapist's letter of recommendation for surgery, and strongly favorable as well. No explanation as to the lack of timeliness and response, but non-the-less, precisely what I need. The hurdle course has now been run; all I have to do is get on the plane and trade-in this used but useless equipment for a set that belongs there. Oh My God, it so belongs there, and now it's coming!

a maddenly euphoric Susan Kay

[Devlyn]

Yay! The wheels of medicine sure turn slowly. So glad you're moving forward again, hugs, Tracey

[FairyGirl]

It's normal to get all nervous this close to surgery; I was so afraid something would happen to prevent mine. Then 4 days before my scheduled surgery, I was informed I had to get another doctor's test! It was a rush but it all worked out fine, and surgery was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

Congratulations on your upcoming rebirth! Best wishes for good healing.