y'all have at it...I'm out of here

[Ann Onymous]

I'm putting this in the post-op forum since it seemed the most appropriate area.  I wasn't here long.  But it did not take long to reach a conclusion that holding opinions contrary to the collective was not welcomed.  So in that respect, I guess that they win...they can march lockstep into oblivion if they so choose. 

I've mentioned the concerns with a couple of people here via PM that it was becoming abundantly clear that this was not the place for me.  I'm tired of the flack I have taken in a couple of threads in particular (one of which was the prison thread in which I was told that I was 'part of the problem' precisely because I have worked in and around prisons and then others appear to intimate that what I saw firsthand and hear from my current clients simply is not reality).   

I also don't need the headaches that come from trying to persuade people that the 'transgender' term does not apply to me and that it never has.  I don't need 19 and 20 year olds telling me what gender is or isn't.  After all, I was taking steps to try and address my medical condition before they were even born.  To go a step further, I had already gotten on with life post-operatively when some of them were literally just learning to walk.       

There were other incidents that very quickly made me realize that simply getting on with life all those years ago was the wise thing to have done and that I really have not missed anything across the past fifteen or so years. 

With that quick departure address, I bid the rest of y'all adieu and a fond farewell.     

[Sarah Louise]

Don't let them chase you off.  Your opinions are valid and deserve just as much attention as any others.

[girl_ashley]

I agree.  I also have gotten much flack for stating opinions contrary to the collective and contrary to what the moderators believe.  As if what the moderators have any more validity than what I say.

Best of luck to you Ann

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

Don't let them chase you off.  Your opinions are valid and deserve just as much attention as any others.

in this case, i think it's me who should be told that... i'm only gonna tell her she's right, because why would you join a website such as this if you're so convinced you aren't one of us?

[cynthialee]

Never once did I see anyone on this site say to someone else..."you are.."
I never seen anyone insist that someone change their self designator.

Yes there are diferances of opinion here. That is human nature.
Sorry that your opinion is no longer important enough to share with us.
Have a good day.

[rejennyrated]

Good Luck Ann.

I must admit that coming here as a longterm postop probably is a bit of a vocation. It's not for everyone. A few of us feel called to do it because we know that we owe a debt of gratitude to others who have helped us in the past. However I would be the last to suggest that everyone should do so.

why would you join a website such as this if you're so convinced you aren't one of us?

I can answer that easily. We come because we want to share our slightly different perspective and engage in a healthy debate.

Sites where everyone thinks the same or belongs to the same narrow grouping are boring and somewhat unhelpful. Susans never has been, and never will be such a place. The whole TOS are designed to actively encourage ANYONE who wants to engage constructively to come here and join the conversation. There never has been, and there never will be a requirement to be "one of us" as you put it.

[Janet_Girl]

Ann,  I have never seen you go out of your way to do anything that is harmful.  In fact while you might struck some as abrasive, I have enjoyed your posts. 

Many of the post-op girls just quit posting.  They are still registered but just don't post any more.  I will support you in whatever you decide.

[vanna]

I am not one of anything im treated as woman and i am ialso am just one of those with a trans past

i certainly hold no judgements against anyone i try help with all i really have which is kind words and advice as ive already been down that road

i am only here to help like alot of us
susans has changed though alot of personal or thinly veiled attacks go if stops me posting in many threads

you all need to learn how to get along the outside world is tough enough

[girl_ashley]

Ann,  I have never seen you go out of your way to do anything that is harmful.  In fact while you might struck some as abrasive, I have enjoyed your posts. 

Many of the post-op girls just quit posting.  They are still registered but just don't post any more.  I will support you in whatever you decide.

Then how can you say this place is 6600 (or whatever) strong when you well know people quit coming here all the time?

[Sephirah]

Everyone's opinion is equally valid, but that also needs to be tempered with respect for the fact that theirs isn't the only one, or the only correct one.

Discussion is healthy, but I think sometimes it would be helpful to know when to agree to disagree, rather than wanting the last word and letting things become a dogged battle of wills, each trying to convince the other... because, inevitably, this winds up being a classic case of the irresistable force meeting the immovable object.

Maybe take a few deep breaths and remember that no one here can possibly know you in sufficient detail to tell you who to be and what to think. You don't need to pursuade people of anything. If something doesn't apply to you then it doesn't apply to you. So you say that and that's an end of it. That doesn't mean it has no relevance for anyone, nor does it mean that other people think it does apply to you. I suspect folks have enough to worry about in their own lives and making sense of themselves to presume how someone they don't know, or are ever likely to know, sees themself or lives their life. I think a lot of issues here stem from people taking things far more personally than were ever intended, or thinking things are directed at them specifically, when actually they aren't.

It would be a shame to see anyone leave over something which could easily be resolved with a little tolerance and understanding from all. I hope you reconsider. When all's said and done, regardless of differences, everyone is human and deserves the same courtesies.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

Gee, I found this terribly offensive and arrogant. First of all, who are you referring to as one of us?. There is no collective us, as far as I'm concerned. And if you believe there is an us, add me to the list of not being part of it.

Also, this is the post-operative section. Why are you posting here when you are not a post-operative transsexual person? I am not saying that as an insult, but as a question. You are in a space you dont identify with. You are the one who is not one of us (post-operative people). Again, this is not an insult or attack, but a statement of the situation.

I'll answer your question for myself. I am on this site for the Post-op section in particular as there are other people like me going through tremendous changes or have done so, and the transsexual forum as well because I have shared history with folks going through the same journey.

I am also here to help those in distress. To help folks as much as I am able to.

This forum is for transsexual people and people of transsexual history. It is very wrong of you tell people they dont belong here and mean spirited.

If your goal and other gender variant folks is to get transsexual people to depart this site, then you are do doing a great job of it. Why do we need this, as Ann so clearly says in her post.

-Valerie

Edit: I am adding that Ann is one of us (post-operative folk), while you are not (post-operative folk).

it is also wrong and mean spirited for the way she treated me. she even referenced me by being "19 and trying to tell her what gender is." next she's making a superiority comment about "i had srs before she was even born." this isn't the place for that. even i know that, and i don't need to be misjudged again. i put some of my own thoughts into one thead, and i guess she thinks i'm not entitled to. well, whatever. you don't even know what happened... if she wants to leave, that's the only answer i can give her.

[Re: Joyce]

Ann,

     I enjoy your posts a great deal and learn a lot from them.  In any group, there will be those who don't see it your way and want to disregard experience and success.  Those who are successful sometimes have to disregard improper or inappropriate comments.

     I do hope you reconsider and stick around.  Your contributions have been very valuable to me and I'm certain to a lot of others.  We will lose a lot if you leave.

[Kristyn]

At some point this place will likely end up like Lauras Playground where no one contributes in the post-operative forum. It will be dead, like there as we don't need the headaches shown here.

Can't disagree with that, even though I've never been to Laura's Playground.

Now, if you all can't get along, I'm shutting off the Internet and you'll all have to go outside!   

[spacial]

Take some time to unwind Ann. Pleased your mebership is still current. Just leave it till you feel a bit better.

I've found, the best thing to do, when my opinions are not entirely welcome, is to move to another thread. And I have more opinions than most.

[Sarah B]

Hi Ann

I would like to say thank you for the contributions you have made to Susan's.   You have so much to contribute and it would be a shame to lose that knowledge.

You have a right to your opinions and others need to learn to accept that those opinions are yours and if they are not the same as others, then the others have to learn to 'agree to disagree'.

Look after yourself and I wish you all the best in for the future.

Warmest regards
Sarah B
PS Please stay, I would like to know more of what you have to offer.

[GorJess]

I mat not have been here long, but Ann, you have been a great help to me in such a limited time! Please don't go, you helped me so much in a time of need. I hope your reconsider coming back here; I for one will really miss you if you decide not to. I might be young, but I really value your opinion for many different reasons- not only as a postop, but years of experience, and how to deal with life's difficulties. Even if you don't get to read this, thanks for all your help. That someone takes even a smidgen of interest in my day-to-day happenings means the world to me.

~Jessica

[Karynm8621]

I've said my piece. I apologize for contributing to the controversy, which is embarrassing at my elderly age of 53.

Holy cow Val you're 53? I would have never guessed, you  look great! 

[FairyGirl]

Gee, I found this terribly offensive and arrogant. First of all, who are you referring to as one of us?. There is no collective us, as far as I'm concerned. And if you believe there is an us, add me to the list of not being part of it.

Also, this is the post-operative section. Why are you posting here when you are not a post-operative transsexual person? I am not saying that as an insult, but as a question. You are in a space you dont identify with. You are the one who is not one of us (post-operative people). Again, this is not an insult or attack, but a statement of the situation.

I'll answer your question for myself. I am on this site for the Post-op section in particular as there are other people like me going through tremendous changes or have done so, and the transsexual forum as well because I have shared history with folks going through the same journey.

I am also here to help those in distress. To help folks as much as I am able to.

This forum is for transsexual people and people of transsexual history. It is very wrong of you tell people they dont belong here and mean spirited.

If your goal and other gender variant folks is to get transsexual people to depart this site, then you are do doing a great job of it. Why do we need this, as Ann so clearly says in her post.

-Valerie

Edit: I am adding that Ann is one of us (post-operative folk), while you are not (post-operative folk).

Valerie I always respect you for having the courage to say things that need to be said, and saying them in a far nicer manner than I probably ever could lol

I agreed with many of Ann's posts, and for one was happy to see another person who understood what it really means to be a binary minded woman post-transition, no longer "trans" anything.  Ann I wish you well, no matter what you decide to do.

hugs,
Chloe

[Karynm8621]

Valerie I always respect you for having the courage to say things that need to be said, and saying them in a far nicer manner than I probably ever could lol

hugs,
Chloe

Val is the type of girl I could and would be friends with. Not because she is trans but because she has a gentle soul and a positive outlook on life.

I agreed with many of Ann's posts, and for one was happy to see another person who understood what it really means to be a binary minded woman post-transition, no longer "trans" anything.  Ann I wish you well, no matter what you decide to do.

I'm in the crowd that once you correct it you just are, transsexual is more of a term of transition. So you have 3 in the crowd

[Debra]

Valerie I always respect you for having the courage to say things that need to be said, and saying them in a far nicer manner than I probably ever could lol

I agreed with many of Ann's posts, and for one was happy to see another person who understood what it really means to be a binary minded woman post-transition, no longer "trans" anything.  Ann I wish you well, no matter what you decide to do.

This ^