This is probably something that most of you won't find to be a big deal or even interesting but has made a profound difference in my attitude and in my transition.
From around age four (forty years ago) and on I was told and shown in no uncertain terms that I was male and I believed them. I figured that I was a freak, deviant and weirdo for wanted to dress, act like and be a girl. After
a lot of crying, grieving and what not
I've finally accepted that I was never a boy despite my anatomy and I have no right to call myself a man and never did. So the first realization is that I am a woman and have always been female despite what everyone else sees. In fact I claim it as my birth-rite to call myself a woman. My second realization is that I am transsexual. I am simply fixing the mis-match of my brain and body. Again maybe a no brainer but it's given me a lot a clarity.
I've never cared for guys and always been very interested in woman. This has been pretty confusing in the past since there was this strange attraction where I wanted to be with them and be them and never realizing that's what it was. Now I realize that I am one and want what they have. I dreaded hormones changing my disinterest in guys but it hasn't at all. So the third realization is that I'm a lesbian.
I've been reading a lot about other people's transitions and about the labels they and others use to describe themselves. Comparing myself and my transition to others has been both helpful and detrimental until I came to my last realization. That is simply that my transition is nothing more than me being my true self. It doesn't help me to compare myself to other since they are trying to be themselves and I am trying to be me.
Nothing earth shattering here but understanding that I'm not a freak and accepting in my heart that I am a woman has made things so much easier in many ways.
Hannah, woman (remodel in progress)
