My name is Ashley...

[AshleyDilemma]

Hi,

My name is Ashley and I am Transgender (MTF), I am married and my wife is Female (CIS) - we have been together 11 years and have been married 2.5 years, I am going to be seeing a therapist soon for my Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and would like to start Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).

I have always felt that I was born into the wrong body as far back as I can remember but could not accept the truth, in an effort to make everything go way I abused drugs and alcohol on a massive scale, unfortunately nothing ever went away and I ended up in detoxes, psychiatric hospitals, and jails as a result in addition to being homeless, I have done many things which I can not talk about but also can never forget.

Today I accept who I am and who I have always been, it has now been 12 years since I used drugs or alcohol, yes I regret what I did but that is the past and there is nothing I can do to change what happened, and if I could change what happened I would not be who I am today, there is truth to the quotes "What does not kill me, makes me stronger" and "The strongest steel is forged from the hottest fire".

Sometimes I just want to cry because I am so depressed and overwhelmed, sometimes I wish I never was but I keep reminding myself that if I have come this far I can go all the way and then some.

-- Ash

[Devlyn]

Hi Ashley, welcome to Susans! Congratulations on the twelve years and the positive outlook! See you around, hugs, Tracey

[April Dawne]

Welcome Ashley, I'm April
We all come into our own in our own way and under our own steam, our stories may be unique but there are also sure to be many similarities. This is a good, supportive site full of great intelligent people. I should know, I'm one of them   

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Ashley,

Welcome to our little family. Over 7000 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Hugs and Love,
Janet

[BillieTex]

Hi Ashley, I'm new here too, it takes courage to open up- this is the first time i have told anyone (kinda - i'm only out by my 'handle'). I too have spent my life looking at the oposite sex longing to be, not hold if you understand. I have never been wed, been close and been enguaged. God made the decisions for me when they were called home. No blame, but no longer can try to be what nature mistakenly has given me. Be very sure about HRT, although I was mistaken as fem long before i started, and alreay had mini boobs, they will be impossible to keep secret from everyone!!! Cami's with shelf bras are helpfull for work, but I will always feel thier eyes.   

[LadyJ]

Hi Ashley.  Welcome.  I'm not married though I have a partner of nearly 30 years.  He's the love of my life.  I've just joined myself but as a former lurker I know there's much support and love here.  You're not alone so feel free to reach out.  I know the rough spots but it does get better.  Hugs, LadyJ

[Lilly_Mossiano]

Hi Ashley. I have been here for a couple of weeks and everyone here has made me feel fully welcome, theya re supportive and great.

[betty]

Hi Ashley

First of all congratulations on 12 years of sobriety, my partner recently celebrated her 10 years of sobriety, so I know that you hard it can be sometimes.

We wish you and your partner all the best, and remember to take it day by day and things will work out.

Big Hugs

Betty

[wendy]

Hi Ashley,

We are each unique yet we have had similar experiences.  Good luck!

[Jillieann Rose]

Ashely,
Hi!
So glad you joined.
Susan's is a great place to find other folks like us.
Often we feel so alone and feel like no one understands or cares.
But I know Susan's has help me to have the courage to become what I have for years and years hidden inside.
So Welcome to Susan's
Jillieann