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I want to start over on seeking advice. I have nowhere else to turn to. Please I hope ya hear me out and I'll take what advice anyone has to give me that's a promise. I need everyone that takes the time to read what I have to say to be clear of my situation as well.

I really don't know where to start due to the complexity of my situation so I'll start my stating that I do have Autism and I've been in what counseling I can do at my college. Unfortunately the counselor can't officially diagnose despite having expertise on the subject he can only suggest based on what I told him and make recommendations to see a professional that can give an official diagnosis. If anyone is wondering why I'm even saying this well this is kind of the reason I have a hard time with employment and as to why I lost the two jobs I had before. Before I realize I had Autism I worked at Goodwill from 2012-2013 and at Walmart back in 2015. I was fired from both jobs and both times because I was deemed too slow and both jobs were in a fast paced environment. After long talks with my counselor and determining I have Autism (and may I note I had other private discussions with a couple instructor who too suggested I may have Autism and recommenced I go to the student disability services) he agreed that it's best I seek out an official diagnosis so I can get help from services that help with employment to those with disabilities. The biggest issue having Autism causes me is the way my brain processes I guess the best way I can explain that is that it takes longer for stuff to suddenly click in my head for what task I'm doing and unfortunately that causes a lot of slow down on the job and it also makes me more easily overwhelmed if I have to multitask and causes over-stimulation. And I do have some sensory issues to certain sounds but not too bad. So my main concern with employment is finding a job and company that's Autism friendly and be willing to give accommodations that helps with job performance so I don't get fired.

Next issue I have and this is essential to being able to get a job. I need an official diagnosis but I can't afford it and there's the issue with my parents. I told my parent all about this but they think it's all ridiculous and either they're so unaware about Autism that just think there's no way I can have it due to the invisibility it has on us that are high functioning or they're in denial that anything is wrong with me I mean they even refused to accept the fact I have a learning disability I was diagnosed with back in middle school. So yeah my parents are no help on this issue sadly. I need help on how I can get a diagnosis or if there's any assistance I get to that'll help me afford one or just help to afford the costs.

I tend to accidentally leave out some details so if anyone has questions please do ask. So basically I'm wondering if anybody on here is aware of any jobs/companies that I could easily work at given all the details I described and the only skill I can think of that I'm truly good at is that I'm organized and that's about it and as for hobbies/interests all the ones I have aren't job suitable.

Also I need to make aware I know this isn't an Autism board and I been to some and asked the same stuff but could never get any well rounded answers or something of the sort. I'm at like my wits end here I can't get a job unless I can get a diagnosis for my Autism so employers will now I'm not intentionally slow or whatever. If anything I feel worthless and unfit and sometimes wonder if I'm better off seeing if I can be volunteerly euthanized due to how useless I really am. Please I'll listen to what advice anyone has to give I really will I need a purpose to live.

Here's some basic info too:

Live in Tennessee

Can't drive

Still live with parents

25 years old

Thanks for reading
             

1.  Get Obamacare while you still can.   Here is the URL for Tennessee's Obamacare website.  http://healthtn.com/tennessee/health-insurance/student (http://healthtn.com/tennessee/health-insurance/student)  You are young, broke, unemployed and a full time student.  You should qualify for fully subsidized health care.  If it disappears thanks to President Trump, then go back on your parents' policy until you turn 26 and then hope something else comes along.

2.  Here is where to get diagnosed.  In particular think about contacting Vanderbilt University medical school.  You might be able to get a diagnosis there for cheap or free since it is a medical school.  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN)

2.  Go here to see about the job situation.  https://www.tn.gov/tenncare/article/employment-and-community-first-choices-referral (https://www.tn.gov/tenncare/article/employment-and-community-first-choices-referral)

3.  Here are some more resources from Autism Speaks, an organization I am well familiar with:  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/state/tn (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/state/tn)

4.  Here is a list of employment services from Autism Speaks:  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/76/Employment%20Services/TN (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/76/Employment%20Services/TN)

Good luck!

Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 13, 2016, 11:53:47 PM
1.  Get Obamacare while you still can.   Here is the URL for Tennessee's Obamacare website.  http://healthtn.com/tennessee/health-insurance/student (http://healthtn.com/tennessee/health-insurance/student)  You are young, broke, unemployed and a full time student.  You should qualify for fully subsidized health care.  If it disappears thanks to President Trump, then go back on your parents' policy until you turn 26 and then hope something else comes along.

2.  Here is where to get diagnosed.  In particular think about contacting Vanderbilt University medical school.  You might be able to get a diagnosis there for cheap or free since it is a medical school.  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN)

2.  Go here to see about the job situation.  https://www.tn.gov/tenncare/article/employment-and-community-first-choices-referral (https://www.tn.gov/tenncare/article/employment-and-community-first-choices-referral)

3.  Here are some more resources from Autism Speaks, an organization I am well familiar with:  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/state/tn (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/state/tn)

4.  Here is a list of employment services from Autism Speaks:  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/76/Employment%20Services/TN (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/76/Employment%20Services/TN)

Good luck!

Hey thanks you replying and giving some information much appreciate it. The only one I can't do however is the healthcare one I'm still at a community college and it doesn't offer student health plans and about Vanderbilt I will check into the medial school part and I did previously check if the medical center itself did anything for diagnosing adults unfortunately they don't.

Edit: I just checked more into that link about Vanderbilt yeah that's the same thing I previously checked into that told me that they don't do diagnosing for adults :( I'm sorry this just getting more upsetting by the day that I can't find a way to afford this I think I might as well kill myself 

So okay, there are still lots of good resources left to try.  Go to healthtn.com and fill out their forms and see if you can qualify for fully subsidized Obamacare on your own.  The fact that you are a full time student may still help.

Run down all the resources for diagnosis from Autism Speaks.  Talk to them, call them, send emails, do whatever you need to do.  If they are not free, then find out how much a diagnosis costs.

Run down all the job resources from Autism Speaks.  You may not need a diagnosis to avail yourself of this.  Talk to people, ask questions, if they require a diagnosis ask them if they know anywhere you can get one for free.

Places like Goodwill are normally a good fit for the disabled. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience with them. I second what CarlyMcx said that medical school can normally do for a much lower cost (if any cost at all) so please do check with the one she mentioned. I'm sure there are other employers in your area that work with people who have disabilities and are students. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 14, 2016, 12:38:38 PM
So okay, there are still lots of good resources left to try.  Go to healthtn.com and fill out their forms and see if you can qualify for fully subsidized Obamacare on your own.  The fact that you are a full time student may still help.

Run down all the resources for diagnosis from Autism Speaks.  Talk to them, call them, send emails, do whatever you need to do.  If they are not free, then find out how much a diagnosis costs.

Run down all the job resources from Autism Speaks.  You may not need a diagnosis to avail yourself of this.  Talk to people, ask questions, if they require a diagnosis ask them if they know anywhere you can get one for free.

Not sure if I can even get any subsidized health insurance since Tennessee didn't expand Medicaid. Plus rates are  jumping 40-60 percent. And this semester I'm not a full time student. Being full time got too stressful. But I'll give it a try anyway.

If I can't find anywhere that is affordable what can I do then in regards of covering costs?? This is where I need the most help of all.

Quote from: Mariah on November 14, 2016, 01:16:51 PM
Places like Goodwill are normally a good fit for the disabled. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience with them. I second what CarlyMcx said that medical school can normally do for a much lower cost (if any cost at all) so please do check with the one she mentioned. I'm sure there are other employers in your area that work with people who have disabilities and are students. Hugs
Mariah

Yeah sadly I just can't recommend anyone ever working for Goodwill they don't treat workers as well as they want everyone to think. I hope other regions are different but never work here in Middle Tennessee.

Vanderbilt doesn't offer Autism diagnosis for adults not even their medical school.

Right now I'm wondering what I can do to help cover costs of getting a diagnosis.     

If you're 25, you are still covered by your parent's health insurance for another year as long as you are on their policy. I would ask your counselor who he would recommend you see in order to get an official diagnosis, and then I would follow up directly with that person/their office in regards to what insurance they accept, what kind of time commitment you'd be looking at in terms of number of appointments, and if they would be willing to put you on a payment plan for anything not covered by your insurance. From there, you could make appointments and arrange to get to and from them.

I would also have a conversation with your parents and make it clear to them that an official diagnosis is going to be necessary for you to survive on your own as an adult, for both getting an accommodating job and potentially government benefits. They aren't going to live forever. You will need some source of income that they won't be able to provide one day, and the first step to securing that for yourself is this diagnosis. No parent wants to think about their kid being homeless or starving, especially when they have the power to prevent it.

Quote from: FTMax on November 14, 2016, 08:01:11 PM
If you're 25, you are still covered by your parent's health insurance for another year as long as you are on their policy. I would ask your counselor who he would recommend you see in order to get an official diagnosis, and then I would follow up directly with that person/their office in regards to what insurance they accept, what kind of time commitment you'd be looking at in terms of number of appointments, and if they would be willing to put you on a payment plan for anything not covered by your insurance. From there, you could make appointments and arrange to get to and from them.

Using their insurance without them knowing will stir a hornets nest like something bad like when I tried coming out as trans. I don't think HIPPA can prevent them from seeing the explanation of benefits either and the way the insurance works any kind of change to disclosures I'm sure will have to be done by my dad since the insurance is through his job.
Sadly using insurance is out of the question.

Also how will I even be able to pay for it??

Quote from: FTMax on November 14, 2016, 08:01:11 PM
I would also have a conversation with your parents and make it clear to them that an official diagnosis is going to be necessary for you to survive on your own as an adult, for both getting an accommodating job and potentially government benefits. They aren't going to live forever. You will need some source of income that they won't be able to provide one day, and the first step to securing that for yourself is this diagnosis. No parent wants to think about their kid being homeless or starving, especially when they have the power to prevent it.

Tried that they don't wanna believe if anything I think they fear being diagnosed with Autism will destroy my future (like getting a job) or something of the sort. Remember my parents are from generation where stuff like this is considered a stigma. They continue to insist that teaching is the only route for me being successful unfortunately. Overall I can't reason with them and neither can anyone else.   

Seems like you're getting back into the practice of shooting down anyone's suggestions. There is a lot of good advice that has been given to you here and throughout your other threads. I find it difficult to believe that it is impossible to come up with some combination of actions that would enable you to move forward with all the help you have received. Especially the suggestion above from Carly - even if you don't qualify for healthcare, she's given you an advocacy organization for people with autism that would be a great resource to utilize in terms of moving forward.

Ultimately it sounds like you're either going to have to rock the boat with your parents or stay stuck where you are, if you're unable to move or do what they'd prefer you to do in terms of a career. Have you considered having them come here and read some of your threads to better understand your point of view?

Quote from: FTMax on November 15, 2016, 08:21:34 AM
Seems like you're getting back into the practice of shooting down anyone's suggestions. There is a lot of good advice that has been given to you here and throughout your other threads.

I've tried several of those before and more than once too. And some I just plain can't cause circumstances prevent so. So how's that rejecting suggestions when I tried and didn't work or I don't qualify. 

Quote from: FTMax on November 15, 2016, 08:21:34 AM
I find it difficult to believe that it is impossible to come up with some combination of actions that would enable you to move forward with all the help you have received. Especially the suggestion above from Carly - even if you don't qualify for healthcare, she's given you an advocacy organization for people with autism that would be a great resource to utilize in terms of moving forward.

First there's my parents I can't do jack squat till I get away from them. I plan to use that autism resource once I get away fro my parents that's the key here. I need both to get away from my parents and get an official autism diagnosis then I can move forward with everything from a job and taking hormones but I gotta do those two things first and foremost.   

Quote from: FTMax on November 15, 2016, 08:21:34 AM
Ultimately it sounds like you're either going to have to rock the boat with your parents or stay stuck where you are, if you're unable to move or do what they'd prefer you to do in terms of a career. Have you considered having them come here and read some of your threads to better understand your point of view?

I wish everyone knew my parent's temperament much better it's why I can't tell them anything I can't tell them how I truly feel that's a recipe for another terrifying situation sorry I don't wanna repeat my failed coming out.   

Anyone now of any banks that are Autism friendly?? I still think I might make a fairly good bank teller or something but like every other job I looked into I'm scared of getting fired for being slow. But wouldn't a bank rather someone be accurate?? And I do have some social skill where I can cope with interacting with people I just worry about getting fired for being slow. That's my biggest worry.

And also I found a therapist that like screens adults for Autism and charges like $80/hr still not sure how I'm gonna afford but it's a start. Sometimes I wish I could just ask for donations but I don't like asking people for money. And insurance is out of the question I tried talking with my parents again about seeing a therapist (by making up something totally unrelated to autism) and they again shoot it down and just did the old pep talk how I just need to be more confident that's what I'm dealing with in regards to that.       

 

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 17, 2016, 11:54:08 PM
Anyone now of any banks that are Autism friendly??

For a teller, how are your customer service skills?

Back office operations in a bank might be a better start. How are your math and computer skills?

If you have access to your parent's insurance than nag them to use it. Nag them until you can't nag no more. Than nag some more. Keep nagging until they give in. That is surely not beyond your means.

Quote from: KarynMcD on November 18, 2016, 10:56:54 AM
For a teller, how are your customer service skills?

Back office operations in a bank might be a better start. How are your math and computer skills?

From previous experience from when I worked at Goodwill I was a donations attendant and my duties included assisting customers with unloading their donations, giving them a receipt if they want, and answering questions. If there's any part of that job I did well other than being organized it was interacting with customers granted I was nervous half the time but it did help with people skills and being more social than I ever was.

Math skills well I can count, add, subtract, and multiply somewhat. Computer skills I know how to use a computer well I know how to use most windows programs with little issues. I can also troubleshoot most internet connection and general computer errors. I think I'm capable of doing basic IT work just haven't found the opportunity to test that yet.

Back office work?? What kind of back office work can you do at a bank??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 18, 2016, 01:36:14 PM
Computer skills I know how to use a computer well I know how to use most windows programs with little issues. I can also troubleshoot most internet connection and general computer errors. I think I'm capable of doing basic IT work just haven't found the opportunity to test that yet.

  maybe you should look into a pell grant. if you can find a place that helps with job placement they can probably help you get a pell grant and maybe money for therapy. you will have to do a job search i think but if you explain your employment troubles to them they may help you find a whole new career. if you do get a grant i would bet the school you go to would higher you for something. this may take awhile to accomplish, but would be well worth it.

Been a long time since I used a Pell Grant, but I'm almost certain their rules haven't changed. Pell Grants can only be used towards college expenses which includes the rent associated with a dorm/ apartment so I don't believe it can be used towards therapy and other transition related expenses under federal government rules governing Pell Grants. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: 1972scarednalone on November 18, 2016, 01:52:18 PM
  maybe you should look into a pell grant. if you can find a place that helps with job placement they can probably help you get a pell grant and maybe money for therapy. you will have to do a job search i think but if you explain your employment troubles to them they may help you find a whole new career. if you do get a grant i would bet the school you go to would higher you for something. this may take awhile to accomplish, but would be well worth it.

Quote from: Mariah on November 18, 2016, 01:57:12 PM
Been a long time since I used a Pell Grant, but I'm almost certain their rules haven't changed. Pell Grants can only be used towards college expenses which includes the rent associated with a dorm/ apartment so I don't believe it can be used towards therapy and other transition related expenses under federal government rules governing Pell Grants. Hugs
Mariah

Yeah you're correct about the pell grant I can only use it for paying for school and school related expenses. Also I don't qualify anyway unless I'm move out and have to be moved out for at least two years to qualify.

Hi Emily.

What would happen if you were able to achieve a diagnosis?

How would your parents react?

How much independence would your parents 'allow' you to have after the diagnosis?

Have you planned what you would do immediately on receipt of the news, do you have a plan?

With that scenario in mind, what would they do if you did legitimately use the family medical insurance, to meet your medical needs as an adult? Is it any better, or worse?

Remember, you have protection under the law against physical harm, and as an adult, you have the right to look after your own requests for medical support.

Take care.

Sno.

No need to move out..stay with your parents and save money while you make money!

If you like numbers there are remote accounting jobs that pay well, and a transwoman friend does remote medical coding because her wife won't allow her to go out dressed as female in public: 

http://thefreelancebookkeeper.com/blog/virtual-bookkeeping-working-clients-remotely/

There are many free online accounting certification courses, such as https://news.gcase.org/free-online-course/  billed as World's first online Global Entrepreneurship Program.

Here is a source for free online classes to learn medical coding: http://medicalcodingtrainingfree.blogspot.in/

If you like children, people certified in American Sign Language can usually find work in public schools, with a high starting salary.

There are many free online ASL certification programs, both here and you can google your own: http://study.com/articles/List_of_Free_Online_American_Sign_Language_Training_Programs.html

Quote from: Sno on November 18, 2016, 08:03:40 PM
What would happen if you were able to achieve a diagnosis?

I would be able to have access to services that help with things like employment and I'll be able to get whatever accommodations I would need to help keep what job I get. Also I'd have a better peace of mind knowing why I have the issues I have with job performance and certain academics.   

Quote from: Sno on November 18, 2016, 08:03:40 PM
How would your parents react?

Well I want to be moved out before I get screened/diagnosed for autism it'll be easier that way. But if I were somehow able to get diagnosed while still living at home I would do it all in secret so they won't know. 

Quote from: Sno on November 18, 2016, 08:03:40 PM
How much independence would your parents 'allow' you to have after the diagnosis?

See above statement.

Quote from: Sno on November 18, 2016, 08:03:40 PM
Have you planned what you would do immediately on receipt of the news, do you have a plan?

Make good use of services that help people with autism/disabilities get a job and move forward with life.

Quote from: Sno on November 18, 2016, 08:03:40 PM
With that scenario in mind, what would they do if you did legitimately use the family medical insurance, to meet your medical needs as an adult? Is it any better, or worse?

They would lose it and probably go ballistic due to the fact I did something behind their back that's how it goes with them.

Quote from: Raell on November 18, 2016, 09:06:23 PM
No need to move out..stay with your parents and save money while you make money!

If you like numbers there are remote accounting jobs that pay well, and a transwoman friend does remote medical coding because her wife won't allow her to go out dressed as female in public: 

http://thefreelancebookkeeper.com/blog/virtual-bookkeeping-working-clients-remotely/

There are many free online accounting certification courses, such as https://news.gcase.org/free-online-course/  billed as World's first online Global Entrepreneurship Program.

Here is a source for free online classes to learn medical coding: http://medicalcodingtrainingfree.blogspot.in/

If you like children, people certified in American Sign Language can usually find work in public schools, with a high starting salary.

There are many free online ASL certification programs, both here and you can google your own: http://study.com/articles/List_of_Free_Online_American_Sign_Language_Training_Programs.html

I took an accounting class and found I'm not good at it the only reason I passes the class was because I have good reading comprehension.

I've never been able to grasp American Sign Language due to my learning disability if I were to ever end up deaf/hard of hearing I would have to actually carry a pencil and paper so people can communicate with me.

I said before and will say it again just for a simple reminder: I have to move out away from my controlling parents before I can get a job, diagnosis, etc. Moving out before I can do any of these is key.

QuoteI would do it all in secret so they won't know. 

Maybe I missed this, but why?

Quote from: JMJW on November 18, 2016, 09:57:57 PM
Maybe I missed this, but why?

Because they refuse to believe I have autism just like they still don't think I have a learning disability even I was officially diagnosed and was in special education till I graduated high school. They also think therapy is just a "bunch of liberal nonsense". If they found out I went and got diagnosed they would go through a whole spill about how stupid it was of me to have done that and try telling me I don't have autism. Yeah that's what I'm dealing with.     

What's the one thing we autistics do better than anyone else?

The answer is talking peoples ears off about subjects that interest us.

If getting diagnosed is what needs to happen then you talk incessantly about it. You have to see the value of just not stopping. Regardless of what they say. Erosion is pressure + time. If it can work on mountains it can damn sure work on people.

Quote from: Mariah on November 18, 2016, 01:57:12 PMI don't believe it can be used towards therapy and other transition related expenses under federal government rules governing Pell Grants.

  i was talking about the job placement agency they do take money from the government, but they also cut separate checks for expenses to. or possibly know of some other way to get into therapy. when i went to them they where very helpful in any way i needed. granted at the time i didn't ask for therapy, but i probably should have.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 18, 2016, 07:13:39 PM
Also I don't qualify anyway unless I'm move out and have to be moved out for at least two years to qualify.

  when i went i got a two year pell grant and i was living with my parents at the time. i explained to them i wanted to do something different. they got me unemployment compensation and later the school hired me.

The issue is that doing this in the order you would like to do it in is going to be very difficult, bordering on impossible. What you've said is that you need to (1) move out of your parents' home, (2) get an autism diagnosis, (3) utilize social services programs to find employment and housing, and (4) transition in that order. Correct me if I have that wrong and I'll make a new post with updated thoughts.

With these goals in that order, it does not seem achievable based on the information available. Your ability to do #1 (move out) hinges on your ability to do #3 (access social services programs for employment/housing), which you can't access until you've achieved #2 (gotten a diagnosis). Unless you have a steady income stream, substantial savings, or people who can house you, it seems like you're going to have to re-do that order if you're going to start moving forward.

Be explicit about what's going on with your parents or what you'd expect to go on with your parents. From what you've posted so far it sounds like if you were to move forward with getting a diagnosis behind their back, they might: be annoyed that you used their insurance for it, yell at you about it, and talk down to you about it. And if that is the case, then my response is - so what? Let them be annoyed. Let them yell. Let them talk down to you. If the end result is that those things are all you'd have to suffer through in order to get a diagnosis that would enable you to move forward with the rest of your plans and in turn the rest of your life, so what? You can get over words and negative feelings, especially if it means that in doing so you'd be setting yourself up for greater success long term.

If the anticipated response from them is something more than that (you think they will become physically violent, you think they will withhold food from you, etc.), then you need to speak to someone in social services in your county because you're living in an abusive situation and there are already services available to help you without an autism diagnosis.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
The issue is that doing this in the order you would like to do it in is going to be very difficult, bordering on impossible. What you've said is that you need to (1) move out of your parents' home, (2) get an autism diagnosis, (3) utilize social services programs to find employment and housing, and (4) transition in that order. Correct me if I have that wrong and I'll make a new post with updated thoughts.

Sadly that's the right order. With the way circumstances are moving out has to come first before I can really do anything else.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
With these goals in that order, it does not seem achievable based on the information available. Your ability to do #1 (move out) hinges on your ability to do #3 (access social services programs for employment/housing), which you can't access until you've achieved #2 (gotten a diagnosis). Unless you have a steady income stream, substantial savings, or people who can house you, it seems like you're going to have to re-do that order if you're going to start moving forward.

As long as my parents continue to force me to do what they want I can't just simply go get a job. I've clashed with them a few times already this year alone over this they won't budge over their stance.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
Be explicit about what's going on with your parents or what you'd expect to go on with your parents. From what you've posted so far it sounds like if you were to move forward with getting a diagnosis behind their back, they might: be annoyed that you used their insurance for it, yell at you about it, and talk down to you about it. And if that is the case, then my response is - so what? Let them be annoyed. Let them yell. Let them talk down to you. If the end result is that those things are all you'd have to suffer through in order to get a diagnosis that would enable you to move forward with the rest of your plans and in turn the rest of your life, so what? You can get over words and negative feelings, especially if it means that in doing so you'd be setting yourself up for greater success long term.

This whole month alone I've tried being explicit I've tried coming up with other reasons to see if that'll convince them to let me see a therapist. All been dismissed by them.

I don't like it when my parents yell at me that's why I don't want conflict over using their insurance like this. I have some sensitivities to noise and people yelling is one of those I'm sensitive to and last thing I want is reasons for my parents to get loud at me.       

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
If the anticipated response from them is something more than that (you think they will become physically violent, you think they will withhold food from you, etc.), then you need to speak to someone in social services in your county because you're living in an abusive situation and there are already services available to help you without an autism diagnosis.

Thankfully they never been violent before even when I failed college the first time around and that was scary. Worst they ever done is verbal abuse but even that is damaging.

That's all well and good, but that mentality is exactly what has kept you where you are for months now. Change rarely comes about comfortably. Either you are going to have to just go ahead, use their insurance, get your diagnosis, deal with their yelling at you for a bit, and be able to move on with your life because you've got some security via the diagnosis - or you can choose not to do that and still be wondering a year from now what you need to do to move forward.

I'll be candid with you. With the information you've given, I do think you are in an abusive situation. Most parents want their children to succeed and strive to create an environment where that is possible. You are in your mid twenties, an adult. You are unable to drive. You have thus far not succeeded academically or experientially, yet your parents are apparently not allowing you opportunities to try again though you claim to want to work. You are afraid to use health insurance for a reasonable need, which you are entitled to use as a beneficiary. You have expressed your concerns about your mental health at least twice now, which they have belittled and ignored.

Now, let me ask you this - in an ideal world, five years from now. You've gotten your diagnosis, have accessed several social programs that have helped you find housing and work, you've started to transition. You're comfortable, you're doing well all things considered. Where are your parents? 

With everything you have said about your situation, I can't imagine a situation in which they and you are both completely happy about the same outcome. There comes a point when you have to start putting yourself first. You're an adult. You have a right to choose your own destiny. The keys to moving forward are right in front of you, you just have to push through some discomfort to take charge of your life.

FTMax, great response.

Emily, if in an ideal world you could succeed with your order, your parents will get 'loud' when you move out. If you use the resource available, to get that diagnosis, then your parents will get loud for you showing independence and self care.

Let's face it. They are going to get loud. And you can choose when. Being able to choose, means that you can prepare yourself for them getting loud.

Some of the behaviours that you are describing could be codependency (helpful linkie)

http://insidetherapy.com/codependency.html

And behaviour may be the product of emotional manipulation.

http://eqi.org/signs_of_emotionally_abused_people.htm

I have a friend who has done everything possible to prevent his son from a formal ASD diagnosis. He works in mental health care, and is in deep denial. In the end his mother took him for diagnosis independently, and incurred the wrath of the father.

One of your parents may be more responsive to your efforts than the other - divide and conquer!

Sno

Unfortunately each of us to some degree has the ability to deceive ourselves.  This ability (or disability) to deceive ourselves is so difficult for us to spot because we have bought into the false notion that something is true when it isn't.  Fantasy becomes reality, sometimes momentarily... sometimes for long periods of time.  Fiction gets stamped in our minds as fact.  The most common form of self-deception with which we all must contend is "making a mountain out of molehill" where we take minor events in our lives and make them bigger than they really are.  As I said before, on occasion we all fall into the self-deception trap.

When you wrote, "As long as my parents continue to force me to do what they want I can't just simply go get a job," you have fallen into the trap of self-deception.  This is 2 +2 = 14.  In your mind you are connecting two things that aren't really connected at all.  You need to abandon the idea that you can't get a job because your parents tell you what to do.  You need that job.  The job is the key to living an independent life.  Without the job you are simply stuck at home. 

You really need to get a job and stick at that job even though at times it may prove frustrating and disagreeable.  Almost every job has such moments.  You need to soldier on.  You need to buy into the notion that you won't leave a job voluntarily until you have found another one.  Unemployment needs to become, "not an option" in your mind. 

Remember: Employment yields independence - one paycheck at a time. 

To be honest I don't think I would consider my situation abusive. They just want what they believe in their mind is best for me and what they consider being successful.

Simply put (at least in the best way I can) my dad just wants me to have a "good" and "successful" career with a "good salary" (don't ask why he thinks teachers have good salaries) so I wouldn't have to work as too hard as he did to get where he is today with a good job and salary. That's why my parents continue to push me to continue going to college to be a teacher.

But of course I have very different ideas of being successful. If everything could go my way with my parents that I like for it to go it would be like this: I would still be turning my two year degree into a four year but instead of being a teacher I would go for General Studies something that's easy obtainable to me and I would probably be doing college online through somewhere like Arizona State University, I would probably have my diagnosis for Autism (or whatever diagnosis I may end up getting) which will enable me to get much needed help with employment and most likely will be working a small job helping to support myself and my parents (because I still love them), and I would pursue my passion for photography much more. Those are the things I would like to be doing if my parents would just simply understand me more.

Basically it comes down to their mindset like with the autism thing they have no understanding of it and even with my efforts to educate them (even showing information) they'll continue to think I don't have it. Unfortunately I just can't reason with them even when showing physical information. So really I don't consider it abuse just mindset.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 04:51:42 PM
Now, let me ask you this - in an ideal world, five years from now. You've gotten your diagnosis, have accessed several social programs that have helped you find housing and work, you've started to transition. You're comfortable, you're doing well all things considered. Where are your parents? 

In my own ideal world: Still living at home but my parents are supportive/accepting of me

In the real world: Probably estranged from my parents but surrounded by friends




 

 

   

Quote from: Katy on November 20, 2016, 03:49:54 AM
Unfortunately each of us to some degree has the ability to deceive ourselves.  This ability (or disability) to deceive ourselves is so difficult for us to spot because we have bought into the false notion that something is true when it isn't.  Fantasy becomes reality, sometimes momentarily... sometimes for long periods of time.  Fiction gets stamped in our minds as fact.  The most common form of self-deception with which we all must contend is "making a mountain out of molehill" where we take minor events in our lives and make them bigger than they really are.  As I said before, on occasion we all fall into the self-deception trap.

When you wrote, "As long as my parents continue to force me to do what they want I can't just simply go get a job," you have fallen into the trap of self-deception.  This is 2 +2 = 14.  In your mind you are connecting two things that aren't really connected at all.  You need to abandon the idea that you can't get a job because your parents tell you what to do.  You need that job.  The job is the key to living an independent life.  Without the job you are simply stuck at home. 

You really need to get a job and stick at that job even though at times it may prove frustrating and disagreeable.  Almost every job has such moments.  You need to soldier on.  You need to buy into the notion that you won't leave a job voluntarily until you have found another one.  Unemployment needs to become, "not an option" in your mind. 

Remember: Employment yields independence - one paycheck at a time.

Unfortunately this isn't self-deception it's really my situation sadly. Unless my parent's mindset magically changes it's gonna continue to be the same and I'll still have no choice but to move out before I can do anything I want/need in order to move forward.

And on the job subject I am gonna choose to be picky and only apply to places that are Autism friendly. So if you know of any places that are please feel free to tell me I'd appreciate it. 

  if you have no prospects but you want employment that is autistic friendly. you should find a job placement agency. i am not talking about day labor though they take money from you. i know of one moderator here that would most likely try to help find an agency in your town if you do not know where it is.

Quote from: Lily Rose on November 21, 2016, 12:05:26 AM
  if you have no prospects but you want employment that is autistic friendly. you should find a job placement agency. i am not talking about day labor though they take money from you. i know of one moderator here that would most likely try to help find an agency in your town if you do not know where it is.

Do you also know of anyway I could afford to get an official diagnosis for my autism??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 17, 2016, 11:54:08 PM
Anyone now of any banks that are Autism friendly?? I still think I might make a fairly good bank teller or something but like every other job I looked into I'm scared of getting fired for being slow. But wouldn't a bank rather someone be accurate?? And I do have some social skill where I can cope with interacting with people I just worry about getting fired for being slow. That's my biggest worry.

And also I found a therapist that like screens adults for Autism and charges like $80/hr still not sure how I'm gonna afford but it's a start. Sometimes I wish I could just ask for donations but I don't like asking people for money. And insurance is out of the question I tried talking with my parents again about seeing a therapist (by making up something totally unrelated to autism) and they again shoot it down and just did the old pep talk how I just need to be more confident that's what I'm dealing with in regards to that.       

Why don't you just apply for a bunch of jobs and tell the manager that you have a disability but you believe you can do the job with minor accommodations? The law is supposed to protect you whether you have an official diagnosis or not. The economy is getting a little better so maybe a manager will be willing to take a chance on you. Let them know in your cover letter and resume that you're really good at math and very accurate.

Also, do some sleuthing and find out what local businesses work with the disabilities services to provide jobs to folks with disabilities and then just try applying there on your own. You can even explain to the hiring manager that you haven't been able to get an official diagnosis and explain you have abilities and disabilities and you're willing to work with them to be the most valuable employee you can be.

My experience has been that autistic people have a very hard time in teaching (and if they do teach it's on the university level). You need great social skills to handle a classroom. Your parents are delusional to the max if they think this is a good direction to push you in.

EmilyRyan, you are being very frustrating here. I know you're in an emotional place where you're fixated on doing things in a certain order, but life doesn't always give us what we want in the way we want it. You need to learn to be more flexible. Another poster kindly gave you links about doing medical coding, a growing field and one where you could work from home (and perhaps without your parents knowing you are making money) and you dismissed it by saying you are bad at accounting. Medical coding is its own field, it's not accounting. Why not look into it? So what that it doesn't meet your preconceived notion about how this is going to go down? I'm autistic too, I know this rigid thinking. You are going to have to let go of it if you want to reach your goals. You are making yourself desperate and frustrated by your refusal to consider anything that is out of the box you've made for yourself. But let's face it, you haven't seen much of the world and you don't know everything. So maybe your preconceived notions are wrong??? A possibility, right?

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 20, 2016, 11:11:46 PM
Unfortunately this isn't self-deception it's really my situation sadly. Unless my parent's mindset magically changes it's gonna continue to be the same and I'll still have no choice but to move out before I can do anything I want/need in order to move forward.

And on the job subject I am gonna choose to be picky and only apply to places that are Autism friendly. So if you know of any places that are please feel free to tell me I'd appreciate it.

IN THE UNITED STATES YOU ARE LEGALLY PROTECTED AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON IN EVERY JOB. It's the law. And you don't need an "official diagnosis" as an employed person. You are functioning enough to get a job and let's face it, if you worked at Goodwill under bad conditions for two years you lasted longer than most people. Most people come and go from minimum wage jobs. I know it hurts to get fired but you can protect yourself by outing yourself to your manager after you're hired. Most of them know it's illegal to fire someone for having a disability and they must provide reasonable accommodation. If they fire you because you reveal you are disabled you have a lawsuit and they won't want that. These laws protect you whether you have a disability or not. You have this completely available to you because you are high functioning. You do not need to get an official diagnosis first. Just apply to 20-30 places and get **** job.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 27, 2016, 07:44:01 AM
EmilyRyan, you are being very frustrating here. I know you're in an emotional place where you're fixated on doing things in a certain order, but life doesn't always give us what we want in the way we want it. You need to learn to be more flexible. Another poster kindly gave you links about doing medical coding, a growing field and one where you could work from home (and perhaps without your parents knowing you are making money) and you dismissed it by saying you are bad at accounting. Medical coding is its own field, it's not accounting. Why not look into it? So what that it doesn't meet your preconceived notion about how this is going to go down? I'm autistic too, I know this rigid thinking. You are going to have to let go of it if you want to reach your goals. You are making yourself desperate and frustrated by your refusal to consider anything that is out of the box you've made for yourself. But let's face it, you haven't seen much of the world and you don't know everything. So maybe your preconceived notions are wrong??? A possibility, right?

I apologize I don't mean to be frustrating.

I realize I need to find something I'm well capable of doing a good enough job at but I still don't know what that may be or what job field I'm better suited at. Wish there was a way for me to figure this all out without 1. paying money to go to some school and 2. hope to get hired and only to realize I'm not good that particular job and suddenly I'm fired.
Is there a way to see what job fields I could be good at??

Also I was never aware I can disclose a disability without it being officially on paper I always thought you had to be diagnosed/documented by a doctor and/or therapist before you can be protected under the ADA and eligible for services.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 27, 2016, 07:44:01 AM
IN THE UNITED STATES YOU ARE LEGALLY PROTECTED AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON IN EVERY JOB.

For how long though if you know what I mean.

EmilyRyan, a lot earlier in this thread I gave you a post full of links from Autism Speaks.  I went back, looked and counted, and there were 20 places to get diagnosed, and 11 employment agencies listed there.

I suggested that you try Vanderbilt University first, and you replied that you had already tried there and they did not give free autism diagnosis, and then ... nothing.  Even though there were 19 other places in Tennessee that you could have contacted, nothing.

Even though there were 11 employment agencies listed, nothing.

So what's the deal?  Did you even make any effort at all to run down all those other links and talk to some people?

Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 27, 2016, 11:17:05 PM
EmilyRyan, a lot earlier in this thread I gave you a post full of links from Autism Speaks.  I went back, looked and counted, and there were 20 places to get diagnosed, and 11 employment agencies listed there.

I suggested that you try Vanderbilt University first, and you replied that you had already tried there and they did not give free autism diagnosis, and then ... nothing.  Even though there were 19 other places in Tennessee that you could have contacted, nothing.

Even though there were 11 employment agencies listed, nothing.

So what's the deal?  Did you even make any effort at all to run down all those other links and talk to some people?

I did look at all of them they're either out of my price range or only diagnose young children and like all of those employment agencies are either in Nashville or somewhere else far from where I live and I don't have the transportation to go to them.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 26, 2016, 09:27:19 PM
Do you also know of anyway I could afford to get an official diagnosis for my autism??

  really do not have any experience with getting a diagnoses from any type of therapist and or psychiatrist. however when i went to a employment agency (many years ago) they did help me in ever way they could to get employment and back into school. they paid for all my gas till i was employed. they paid for my g.e.d. they got my unemployment started. also paid for a two years degree and think if i had explained a situation like yours to them. they would have done anything they could to help get such a diagnoses. may not pay for it but at least find some place that would or cheapest way. then again they might very well pay for it.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 27, 2016, 07:31:58 AM
Why don't you just apply for a bunch of jobs and tell the manager that you have a disability but you believe you can do the job with minor accommodations? The law is supposed to protect you whether you have an official diagnosis or not.

Everything I look into about this tells me I need an official diagnosis if I want to get any needed accommodations. But if I ever get the chance I'll try though maybe I can get lucky and the company pays to have me screened/diagnosed??

Quote from: Lily Rose on November 28, 2016, 01:43:26 PM
  really do not have any experience with getting a diagnoses from any type of therapist and or psychiatrist. however when i went to a employment agency (many years ago) they did help me in ever way they could to get employment and back into school. they paid for all my gas till i was employed. they paid for my g.e.d. they got my unemployment started. also paid for a two years degree and think if i had explained a situation like yours to them. they would have done anything they could to help get such a diagnoses. may not pay for it but at least find some place that would or cheapest way. then again they might very well pay for it.

In this day in age and especially here in Tennessee I wouldn't count on it :( 

It seems to me that a lot of individuals have tried repeatedly to be of help to you, but seemingly every suggestion has been met with a variety of objections, with a steady slew of "Yea buts..."  It could be that at this moment in time you are simply not open to any suggestion, to any advice that takes you out of your comfort zone.  It could be that your situation simply isn't sufficiently desparate to allow you to be open to help.  Asking for help (the subject line) isn't the same thing as being open to being helped.  Somehow you need to open a door so that assistance can actually get in.  I wish you well.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 29, 2016, 01:38:51 AM

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 27, 2016, 07:31:58 AM
Why don't you just apply for a bunch of jobs and tell the manager that you have a disability but you believe you can do the job with minor accommodations? The law is supposed to protect you whether you have an official diagnosis or not.

Everything I look into about this tells me I need an official diagnosis if I want to get any needed accommodations. But if I ever get the chance I'll try though maybe I can get lucky and the company pays to have me screened/diagnosed??

Officially, maybe yes. But most good managers did not get to be that way by lacking compassion. Why not take the chance, apply, get interviewed, and let them make a decision about you? You're the one telling you no currently. At least make a move and give someone else the chance. Instead of looking at traditional big box retailers or established brands like Walmart or Goodwill, why not look into local small businesses? The volume will be slower, the culture will be different, and they typically see their employees as people instead of numbers.

Like I said earlier, you can't continue to do the same things and expect anything to change for you. You have got to exit your comfort zone in order to move forward with anything - whether that is finding a job, getting a diagnosis, starting a new educational program, etc.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 29, 2016, 01:38:51 AM
In this day in age and especially here in Tennessee I wouldn't count on it :(

  you mean this day and age of transgender awareness like i have never seen before. ???

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 27, 2016, 11:22:00 PM
I did look at all of them they're either out of my price range or only diagnose young children and like all of those employment agencies are either in Nashville or somewhere else far from where I live and I don't have the transportation to go to them.

So there isn't any bus station in your town?  The Music City Star does not have a rail line to your town yet?

Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 29, 2016, 04:37:02 PM
So there isn't any bus station in your town?  The Music City Star does not have a rail line to your town yet?

Nope and where I live exactly is in the sticks.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 29, 2016, 07:23:19 PM
Nope and where I live exactly is in the sticks.

So when you worked at Walmart and at Goodwill, how did you get to work and home again?

Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 29, 2016, 08:36:48 PM
So when you worked at Walmart and at Goodwill, how did you get to work and home again?

When I worked at Goodwill my mom was giving me a ride to and from. When I worked at Walmart I car pooled with my brother.

Quote from: FTMax on November 29, 2016, 08:57:55 AM
Officially, maybe yes. But most good managers did not get to be that way by lacking compassion. Why not take the chance, apply, get interviewed, and let them make a decision about you? You're the one telling you no currently. At least make a move and give someone else the chance. Instead of looking at traditional big box retailers or established brands like Walmart or Goodwill, why not look into local small businesses? The volume will be slower, the culture will be different, and they typically see their employees as people instead of numbers.

Like I said earlier, you can't continue to do the same things and expect anything to change for you. You have got to exit your comfort zone in order to move forward with anything - whether that is finding a job, getting a diagnosis, starting a new educational program, etc.

I still need to move out first before I can do any of these things.

Emily it sounds like you feel overwhelmed by the steps you need to take to feel better in your life. maybe you can write down a list of what you feel you need to do. Everyone here has been trying to give you good advice. Take the list and try to put them in order of what needs to happen first. Then you only need to make a plan to get that one step to happen. This way you can try to take a step back from the feelings of being overwhelmed and just have one point of focus.

If getting a diagnosis for autism is the first step then look for resources. You can always make phone calls. Try the state social services. Most of the time these people will try to help you. You may need to get a ride to a state sponsored hospital for a psych doctor appointment. The state has resources to help people who cannot afford normal private treatment.

Just try dear, just make that effort to help yourself.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 29, 2016, 01:38:51 AM
Everything I look into about this tells me I need an official diagnosis if I want to get any needed accommodations. But if I ever get the chance I'll try though maybe I can get lucky and the company pays to have me screened/diagnosed??
In this day in age and especially here in Tennessee I wouldn't count on it :(

What I mean is that the Americans with Disabilities Act and the addendum that was recently added to it in 2008 or whatever protects you on the job whether you have that $3000 diagnosis or not. The manager is not a doctor. The manager is not going to try to be a doctor. Get hired, meet your on the job manager. Let the manager know you have a disability but you can still do the job as long as X. As long as the accommodation is reasonable under the law it's illegal for them to fire you for this.

What you need a diagnosis for is job placement THROUGH disability services. Not to get and keep a job you find yourself!!!

I recently applied for a bunch of jobs and they actually asked me along with asking for race/sex, do I have a disability. Autism was one of the possibilities. I answered "I choose not to answer" b/c I do have a disability but I'm not seeking accommodation for it, however, you could answer "yes". It's illegal for them to refuse to hire you because you marked "yes" on that form.

PS: I never got an official diagnosis either. Neither did many, many people. You need an official diagnosis to receive services from the government, NOT to benefit from ADA as a working person. ADA is very user-friendly that way!

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 30, 2016, 12:11:20 AM

Quote from: FTMax on November 29, 2016, 08:57:55 AM
Officially, maybe yes. But most good managers did not get to be that way by lacking compassion. Why not take the chance, apply, get interviewed, and let them make a decision about you? You're the one telling you no currently. At least make a move and give someone else the chance. Instead of looking at traditional big box retailers or established brands like Walmart or Goodwill, why not look into local small businesses? The volume will be slower, the culture will be different, and they typically see their employees as people instead of numbers.

Like I said earlier, you can't continue to do the same things and expect anything to change for you. You have got to exit your comfort zone in order to move forward with anything - whether that is finding a job, getting a diagnosis, starting a new educational program, etc.

I still need to move out first before I can do any of these things.

You have no savings. You have no job. You have no friends or relatives who have offered or you have not asked them to house you. You do not have access to any government housing programs. You have not found any charities in your area that provide housing. You have not found or you have not looked for employment that provides housing.

Housing is one of the most sought after commodities in the US almost anywhere you go. Unless you change one of those sentences above into the affirmative, you will not be able to move out first and will need to come up with another plan.

I'm 27. I moved out when I was 17 and have not lived at home ever since. I was only able to do that because I had substantial savings from working two jobs, got accepted to a college that encouraged and gave stipends to people who chose to live on campus, and once I was there, found a job that included free housing as a perk. I had no financial help aside from student loans.

I say this not to brag, but because in your current situation, the only potential way I could see you being able to move out first is if you went back to school, chose to live on campus, and took on some student loan debt to do so. Even if you were to just do it for a semester or a year - however long it takes for you to get a diagnosis and establish yourself in a new place, it might be worth it. If that's not a possibility or not something you're willing to do, then the order of your plan has got to change. No way around it.

wow, Its taken me half an hour to read through this thread and the things that seem to stand out is that maybe just maybe your liking this attention or your fairly secure and comfortable in your situation as far as living arrangements regardless of the emotional abuse? Maybe you should be looking at why you would want to still be living with your parent at your age and why most of the viable solutions suggested here seem impossible to you?  Most adults need to fulfill their needs, your own place , the control of your life! 
Your very good at giving a multitude of reasons why you cant get where you want to be, you sound bright so I cant see why you cant help yourself out of the situation you feel trapped in, unless there are some issues your not addressing within yourself that are stopping you from wanting to make the necessary changes you need make to move on in your life! I wish you the best! I hope you find the answers your looking for! [emoji177]


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Quote from: bluepaint on November 30, 2016, 11:00:58 AM
wow, Its taken me half an hour to read through this thread and the things that seem to stand out is that maybe just maybe your liking this attention or your fairly secure and comfortable in your situation as far as living arrangements regardless of the emotional abuse? Maybe you should be looking at why you would want to still be living with your parent at your age and why most of the viable solutions suggested here seem impossible to you?  Most adults need to fulfill their needs, your own place , the control of your life! 
Your very good at giving a multitude of reasons why you cant get where you want to be, you sound bright so I cant see why you cant help yourself out of the situation you feel trapped in, unless there are some issues your not addressing within yourself that are stopping you from wanting to make the necessary changes you need make to move on in your life! I wish you the best! I hope you find the answers your looking for! [emoji177]

Sorry I feel the first sentence in your comment was not only unnecessary but kind of hurtful. I guess I'll be ridiculed for being sensitive but whatever I'm always ridiculed for just about everything.

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 02, 2016, 03:24:28 PM
So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

Hi Emily,

We are listening and trying as best we can to support with ideas and suggestions, please don't think we are not.

A part of Autism is fixation on a path or idea, and deviation from that path is hard to understand or comprehend. What has been suggested is that the path you have in mind may not work for you in the short, medium or long term because the same constraints will always apply, and in your instance there will always be a degree of confrontation with you parents that is unavoidable.

You can however choose when, and how that confrontation occurs. It will not be fun, but your opinions and desires for self care will not be respected without it - you need todo this, to empower you!

Without a change in path, it will be very difficult indeed to make progress, but how you proceed and at what pace is your choice - we will cheer you along from the sidelines :) From a quick Google, I have found a number of US based autism and ASD charities - contact as many as you can find, see what resources are available. Talk to their help lines.

*hugs*

Rowan

Emily, we are trying to help you, but do understand there is only so much we can do. We can't change your living situation and we don't have the ability to give you a method that will instantly fix everything for you although I wish we did. Thing is Emily in the end only you can make the things that you need changed occur. We can't do that for you. Granted it won't be easy, but they are well worth it. I'm sorry that your stuck in the situation you are right now. Thing is if everyone out their always answered that won't work to everything no one would ever get anything done. There are times when we need to try things that we feel won't work even those things that we have done before because the outcome isn't always the same every time around. We are willing to help you, but you also need to be willing to help yourself because without that no matter what we suggest nothing would work because you need to be an active participant in this process in order to create positive change. My brother keeps trying this same idea and wonders why his attempts are failing. The problem is he is closing some doors before they even could open for him all because he feels they won't work. My brother is also autistic too. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 02, 2016, 03:24:28 PM
Sorry I feel the first sentence in your comment was not only unnecessary but kind of hurtful. I guess I'll be ridiculed for being sensitive but whatever I'm always ridiculed for just about everything.

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 02, 2016, 03:24:28 PM
Sorry I feel the first sentence in your comment was not only unnecessary but kind of hurtful. I guess I'll be ridiculed for being sensitive but whatever I'm always ridiculed for just about everything.

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

EmilyRyan , look im not trying to be hurtful, I was simply suggesting that sometimes we get stuck and changes might seems scarier than the place where we find ourselves in , ie abusive relationships. I mentioned that you seem very bright bc you can stand up for yourself and debate your views very concisely and I was wondering why you are not applying your intelligence to work out some of these problems out instead of just going in circles! I do believe when one really wants to, then these changes start to fall in place! You sound discouraged and as long as you stay in a defeatist frame of mind , any solution as good as it may be, might not register as viable to you unless you change the way your looking at them! I understand that your autism poses certain cognitive challenges to you but your life is your own and you can make it what you want if you really want to! I do wish you all what best and good, I hope that you will find the courage you require to do this for yourself bc you, me, all of us deserve a life full of joy and security and comfort!  blessings! [emoji177]Julie


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Quote from: bluepaint on December 02, 2016, 07:47:43 PM
EmilyRyan , look im not trying to be hurtful, I was simply suggesting that sometimes we get stuck and changes might seems scarier than the place where we find ourselves in , ie abusive relationships. I mentioned that you seem very bright bc you can stand up for yourself and debate your views very concisely and I was wondering why you are not applying your intelligence to work out some of these problems out instead of just going in circles! I do believe when one really wants to, then these changes start to fall in place! You sound discouraged and as long as you stay in a defeatist frame of mind , any solution as good as it may be, might not register as viable to you unless you change the way your looking at them! I understand that your autism poses certain cognitive challenges to you but your life is your own and you can make it what you want if you really want to! I do wish you all what best and good, I hope that you will find the courage you require to do this for yourself bc you, me, all of us deserve a life full of joy and security and comfort!  blessings! [emoji177]Julie

I apologize for the earlier statement 

I like literally have no clue how to better my situation and no clue how to make some the suggestions work. I would really appreciate the help.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 04, 2016, 02:23:24 AM
I apologize for the earlier statement 

I like literally have no clue how to better my situation and no clue how to make some the suggestions work. I would really appreciate the help.

Let's start by reviewing all your previous posts and distilling things down to the essentials:

1.  Job:  You have tried every employer in your town without any success.  Which means if you want to make money right now, you either need to set up your own small business like mowing lawns or washing cars, or you need to set up an online business like selling your photos on Shutterstock.

2.  Transportation:  You have to have a way to get around.  And bumming rides off family and friends is not it.  If you cannot learn how to drive a car successfully then the other options are:  Motorcycle/motor scooter (if you can complete the license requirements), bicycle, public transportation (buses and trains) and walking.

3.  Let's talk about that autism diagnosis:  AFAIK, there is no autism clinic next door to you or even in your town.  You have no money to pay for a diagnosis and no way to get to a clinic that is not in your town.  Which means that the autism diagnosis is not going to happen first.  So you have to go back to #1 and #2.

First, get a trickle of income going and figure out how to get around.  Once you have a little money, then buy a ride to Nashville and go to the transgender group at the LGBT center.  The people there will have better suggestions than anybody here because they have the advantage of local knowledge.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on December 05, 2016, 03:16:01 PM
1.  Job:  You have tried every employer in your town without any success.  Which means if you want to make money right now, you either need to set up your own small business like mowing lawns or washing cars, or you need to set up an online business like selling your photos on Shutterstock.

If I may ask what should I do if none of the above works out either?? 

Quote from: CarlyMcx on December 05, 2016, 03:16:01 PM
2.  Transportation:  You have to have a way to get around.  And bumming rides off family and friends is not it.  If you cannot learn how to drive a car successfully then the other options are:  Motorcycle/motor scooter (if you can complete the license requirements), bicycle, public transportation (buses and trains) and walking.

Most likely it'll either have to be public transportation or friends I could never learn to ride a bike either due to balance issues.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on December 05, 2016, 03:16:01 PM
3.  Let's talk about that autism diagnosis:  AFAIK, there is no autism clinic next door to you or even in your town.  You have no money to pay for a diagnosis and no way to get to a clinic that is not in your town.  Which means that the autism diagnosis is not going to happen first.  So you have to go back to #1 and #2.

Correct there is no autism clinic or autism therapists in my town and county for that matter I would have to go to Nashville, Brentwood, Franklin, Murfreesboro, or worst case scenario East Tennessee.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on December 05, 2016, 03:16:01 PM
First, get a trickle of income going and figure out how to get around.  Once you have a little money, then buy a ride to Nashville and go to the transgender group at the LGBT center.  The people there will have better suggestions than anybody here because they have the advantage of local knowledge.

Still not sure how I'm gonna make any income while at home since my parents are still forcing me to focus on being a teacher (which I'm really not they just don't know I'm not). I've tried telling them I want to do something else and that I'm not cut out to be a teacher but it always escalate to a near argument so I have no choice but to back down and give in. There's no way to convince them I want to pursue and do other things. So yeah like I keep yakking on I have to move out first before I can do any of the above.  I could make secret income if I sell photos on the internet but what are the chances of people actually wanting to buy my photos unless everyone here is willing to buy??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 05, 2016, 11:40:04 PM

Quote from: CarlyMcx on December 05, 2016, 03:16:01 PM
1.  Job:  You have tried every employer in your town without any success.  Which means if you want to make money right now, you either need to set up your own small business like mowing lawns or washing cars, or you need to set up an online business like selling your photos on Shutterstock.

If I may ask what should I do if none of the above works out either?? 

Emily,
Your immediate response is central to the whole issue.

You make it work.

How?

By trying.

Quote from: Cindy on December 06, 2016, 12:57:13 AM
If I may ask what should I do if none of the above works out either?? 

Emily,
Your immediate response is central to the whole issue.

You make it work.

How?

By trying.

How though?? I don't necessarily have the means or resources and living in a rural area presents problems as well.   

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 06, 2016, 01:15:57 AM

Quote from: Cindy on December 06, 2016, 12:57:13 AM
If I may ask what should I do if none of the above works out either?? 

Emily,
Your immediate response is central to the whole issue.

You make it work.

How?

By trying.

How though?? I don't necessarily have the means or resources and living in a rural area presents problems as well.

Every time someone says there is a problem, then there is an opportunity. Even your perceived isolation is an opportunity; you could start up an internet group for people such as yourself who are in isolation and need work opportunities. It becomes self feeding, it needs hard work. Lots of it. But if you do it and work hard it has a chance; a massive one.

I have no idea of your community, but there must be things that families don't want to do. Wash their car, clean their bathroom, clean their windows, Ironing. Anything that someone doesn't want to do is an opportunity for money making.

You don't want to do that? Then so what! You are earning money to get somewhere else. I've told you a long time ago, I had a pair of jeans and 2 shirts when I came to Australia. It was one shirt more than I needed. I had nothing and no one but I scraped through. I was terrified most of the time, what would happen if I failed? Easy - I'd starve.

You seem to be waiting for a validation of your excuses; "I'm autistic will someone prove it. I'm .... will someone prove it."   

I was served today at the store check out by a person with no arms, (well she had hands but no arms, probably a thalidomide pregnancy), it didn't seem to worry her; didn't worry me. She packed my bag with one foot and scanned with the other. I increasingly cannot talk as my vocal cord gets too tired, I only have one; the other went due to my throat cancer, but she didn't seem to mind and I wrote on my note pad to her so we could chat. I had a great time, a nice day, so did she.

I imagine her life has been damn hard but she still sings her life song.

Emily maybe it is time to stop worrying. Go for being a teacher - a noble profession- but you may never be able to sing your life song.

As ever it is your call.

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on December 06, 2016, 02:04:29 AM
How though?? I don't necessarily have the means or resources and living in a rural area presents problems as well.


Every time someone says there is a problem, then there is an opportunity. Even your perceived isolation is an opportunity; you could start up an internet group for people such as yourself who are in isolation and need work opportunities. It becomes self feeding, it needs hard work. Lots of it. But if you do it and work hard it has a chance; a massive one.

I have no idea of your community, but there must be things that families don't want to do. Wash their car, clean their bathroom, clean their windows, Ironing. Anything that someone doesn't want to do is an opportunity for money making.

You don't want to do that? Then so what! You are earning money to get somewhere else. I've told you a long time ago, I had a pair of jeans and 2 shirts when I came to Australia. It was one shirt more than I needed. I had nothing and no one but I scraped through. I was terrified most of the time, what would happen if I failed? Easy - I'd starve.

You seem to be waiting for a validation of your excuses; "I'm autistic will someone prove it. I'm .... will someone prove it."   

I was served today at the store check out by a person with no arms, (well she had hands but no arms, probably a thalidomide pregnancy), it didn't seem to worry her; didn't worry me. She packed my bag with one foot and scanned with the other. I increasingly cannot talk as my vocal cord gets too tired, I only have one; the other went due to my throat cancer, but she didn't seem to mind and I wrote on my note pad to her so we could chat. I had a great time, a nice day, so did she.

I imagine her life has been damn hard but she still sings her life song.

Emily maybe it is time to stop worrying. Go for being a teacher - a noble profession- but you may never be able to sing your life song.

As ever it is your call.

Cindy

Again how??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 06, 2016, 02:30:21 AM

Quote from: Cindy on December 06, 2016, 02:04:29 AM
How though?? I don't necessarily have the means or resources and living in a rural area presents problems as well.


Every time someone says there is a problem, then there is an opportunity. Even your perceived isolation is an opportunity; you could start up an internet group for people such as yourself who are in isolation and need work opportunities. It becomes self feeding, it needs hard work. Lots of it. But if you do it and work hard it has a chance; a massive one.

I have no idea of your community, but there must be things that families don't want to do. Wash their car, clean their bathroom, clean their windows, Ironing. Anything that someone doesn't want to do is an opportunity for money making.

You don't want to do that? Then so what! You are earning money to get somewhere else. I've told you a long time ago, I had a pair of jeans and 2 shirts when I came to Australia. It was one shirt more than I needed. I had nothing and no one but I scraped through. I was terrified most of the time, what would happen if I failed? Easy - I'd starve.

You seem to be waiting for a validation of your excuses; "I'm autistic will someone prove it. I'm .... will someone prove it."   

I was served today at the store check out by a person with no arms, (well she had hands but no arms, probably a thalidomide pregnancy), it didn't seem to worry her; didn't worry me. She packed my bag with one foot and scanned with the other. I increasingly cannot talk as my vocal cord gets too tired, I only have one; the other went due to my throat cancer, but she didn't seem to mind and I wrote on my note pad to her so we could chat. I had a great time, a nice day, so did she.

I imagine her life has been damn hard but she still sings her life song.

Emily maybe it is time to stop worrying. Go for being a teacher - a noble profession- but you may never be able to sing your life song.

As ever it is your call.

Cindy

Again how??

By doing something that you seem so reluctant to do.

TRY

Quote from: Cindy on December 06, 2016, 02:48:19 AM
Again how??


By doing something that you seem so reluctant to do.

TRY

If I knew how I would I really don't know how to go about the suggestions that's why I keep asking

Obviously you have a computer...do you have a printer? if not I am sure you can locate one. Make yourself up a personal advert and place it in all types of places. The local grocery store or supermarkets usually have community boards. Can you mow lawns? How much do you know about computers? can you fix them?, can you wash cars or babysit?...put those things on your flyer.  can you deliver junk mail to letter boxes, can you collect for charity, make any of those suggestions on your flyer and make sure you have a phone number. Is there anywhere you can do volunteer work. Volunteer work can quite often open doors to jobs

Someone suggested loading your photo's to sell online...and you are right who would buy them...no one unless they have somewhere to view them. Try any, all or none of these suggestions it is entirely up to you.

Hope that is of some help

Liz

Quote from: ElizabethK on December 06, 2016, 05:02:32 AM
Obviously you have a computer...do you have a printer? if not I am sure you can locate one. Make yourself up a personal advert and place it in all types of places. The local grocery store or supermarkets usually have community boards. Can you mow lawns? How much do you know about computers? can you fix them?, can you wash cars or babysit?...put those things on your flyer.  can you deliver junk mail to letter boxes, can you collect for charity, make any of those suggestions on your flyer and make sure you have a phone number. Is there anywhere you can do volunteer work. Volunteer work can quite often open doors to jobs

Someone suggested loading your photo's to sell online...and you are right who would buy them...no one unless they have somewhere to view them. Try any, all or none of these suggestions it is entirely up to you.

Hope that is of some help

Liz

Thing is, and I'm sorry for being dismissive of these ideas, I something with a guaranteed income and I'm really not capable of doing half these things either for one lack of resources/income needed to do some of these things and I don't have a vehicle and I can't drive anyway (let alone operate a lawn mower).

I feel like I'm getting more and more hated when I have to give legit explanations like this :(   

"I'm really not capable of doing half these things ......

Great so you are capable of doing at least half the things I suggested  ;) ...that is a positive response.  So which of things you think you can do are you going to do?

Liz

"I feel like I'm getting more and more hated when I have to give legit explanations like this    "

Not by me  :)

Liz

Something with guaranteed income is going to be hard to come by for someone with little experience. While most part time jobs will pay you something, a specific amount isn't going to be guaranteed.

Your folks want to pay for your schooling to be a teacher. Why not get connected to some teacher forums and see if there's any way it could be a good fit for you? Maybe teaching young kids or kids with special needs would be a good option. Maybe just being an instructional aide/classroom assistant. Explaining your situation and asking for feedback from experienced professionals might be a good way to either build your confidence in the idea or explain to your parents why it won't work out, from people who would actually know.

Also - Why do you not think you are capable of doing any of those things? Almost everything listed there was manual labor. If you've got two arms and two legs, there is no reason why you can't at least give them a shot.

I don't ever want to do my job, or like doing it. I hate the work I do, but it's a consistent pay check that I can't replace yet with money from my own businesses. You'll find a lot of people our age aren't doing anything that falls within their interests or skill set. We're taking what we can find in order to get by. If you're desperate enough for change, you get desperate enough to try a lot of things that you may not feel competent or comfortable doing.

The key is that you have to try something.

I can see your in a loop. Maybe you could just try a different type of job environment that's less of a rush, and a more controlling environment with less stimuli. Maybe you could work in horticulture or computer work?

Quote from: FTMax on December 06, 2016, 09:25:17 AM
Something with guaranteed income is going to be hard to come by for someone with little experience. While most part time jobs will pay you something, a specific amount isn't going to be guaranteed.

Shouldn't be that way experience or no experience if we are required to work to meet ends meets then jobs should be something guaranteed and employers need to become more disabled/autism friendly.   

Quote from: FTMax on December 06, 2016, 09:25:17 AM
Also - Why do you not think you are capable of doing any of those things? Almost everything listed there was manual labor. If you've got two arms and two legs, there is no reason why you can't at least give them a shot.

They're just not feasible, sorry I need a job and like I keep saying I can't do nothing till I can move out I'm gonna keep repeating till everyone here understands that.

Sadly, this isn't how it works here. They figure everyone is replaceable. For every one employee they have several potential people who loved to have that job out there for most jobs. This allows them to be picker. Secondly, it is all about costs to them. If they can save money, then they will even if that means letting go of an employee. Why can't you get a job while under their roof. Here is the thing. Only way out from that roof is by getting a job Emily. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 06, 2016, 08:50:28 PM
Shouldn't be that way experience or no experience if we are required to work to meet ends meets then jobs should be something guaranteed and employers need to become more disabled/autism friendly.   
They're just not feasible, sorry I need a job and like I keep saying I can't do nothing till I can move out I'm gonna keep repeating till everyone here understands that.

Quote from: Mariah on December 06, 2016, 09:22:34 PM
Sadly, this isn't how it works here. They figure everyone is replaceable. For every one employee they have several potential people who loved to have that job out there for most jobs. This allows them to be picker. Secondly, it is all about costs to them. If they can save money, then they will even if that means letting go of an employee. Why can't you get a job while under their roof. Here is the thing. Only way out from that roof is by getting a job Emily. Hugs
Mariah

I can't get a job under their roof because they won't let me they want me to be a teacher instead and every time I try discussing this with them it almost turns into a nasty argument that I don't won't so basically I can't just drop what they want me to do if I can I wouldn't be repeating myself endlessly.

Also the ableist attitude this country has needs to end

It won't end. This country has a free enterprise system and based on our freedoms they won't be telling companies and employers what to do. Then let them know you don't want to be a teacher. It's not you. There has to be something you would be good at. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 06, 2016, 09:38:59 PM
I can't get a job under their roof because they won't let me they want me to be a teacher instead and every time I try discussing this with them it almost turns into a nasty argument that I don't won't so basically I can't just drop what they want me to do if I can I wouldn't be repeating myself endlessly.

Also the ableist attitude this country has needs to end

Quote from: Mariah on December 06, 2016, 09:46:45 PM
It won't end. This country has a free enterprise system and based on our freedoms they won't be telling companies and employers what to do. Then let them know you don't want to be a teacher. It's not you. There has to be something you would be good at. Hugs
Mariah

So you're defending a problem that severely impacts people from getting meaningful work??

No, I'm just saying that is how it works. I'm not saying I like how it works, but that is how things go in this country. I was always told if I didn't like something to something about. Why don't you try running for office then and do something about a system that you don't agree with. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 06, 2016, 09:49:29 PM
So you're defending a problem that severely impacts people from getting meaningful work??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on December 06, 2016, 08:50:28 PM
Shouldn't be that way experience or no experience if we are required to work to meet ends meets then jobs should be something guaranteed and employers need to become more disabled/autism friendly.   

When I was young, to motivate us my parents told us that we needed to do well in school or we would end up digging ditches. They now have machines for that, however you can still end up a janitor or picking crops in fields. There are jobs that require little training and often harvesting crops is piece work where you are paid only for what you harvest.

The only one who can make this work is you. If you are unwilling to put in the effort now, you may soon find yourself homeless and starving. You should make a rule of no more video games until you have school under control or you have found employment. Your survival is far more important than your pleasure.

Sigh I'm done.....

Just close the freaking topic

No Honey, you are not done!

You are challenged and at the moment you don't seem see a way out. You live a comfortable life with your parents and even though it is not ideal it is comfortable enough for you not to be motivated to change.

One day you will have the opportunity to change but only you will know that.

locked as requested.