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I apologize in advance if anything is misspelled, I can't really see anything rn. This past weekend I sadly lost my partner. Ad of right now I haven't really registered it or dwelled on it too much. I don't know how to grieve her and begin healing. Was hoping for some advice

I am so sorry to hear this. 😢

Quote from: Annaliese on April 29, 2025, 10:33:23 AMI am so sorry to hear this. 😢

It's alright. She was ready, even if I didn't want her to be. Right now I'm just focusing on keeping it together for my daughter

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 10:35:34 AMIt's alright. She was ready, even if I didn't want her to be. Right now I'm just focusing on keeping it together for my daughter

That's  the important thing. I never dealt with grief as a male too good. I would just go through typical motions. I never really grieved. I just kinda chalked things up to well this is life, time to move on. Sometimes it was easier for me to deal with my emotions alot easier if I just put them aside. I would pivot away from the situation and just think that hey this is just life and look forward. It was cold but thats how I dealt with alot of stuff.

I don't know if this is a good example,  🤔  It never got me anywhere good. Bottling emotions up was never a thing.
 I could never share my emotions.

Quote from: Annaliese on April 29, 2025, 10:40:00 AMThat's  the important thing. I never dealt with grief as a male too good. I would just go through typical motions. I never really grieved. I just kinda chalked things up to well this is life, time to move on. Sometimes it was easier for me to deal with my emotions alot easier if I just put them aside. I would pivot away from the situation and just think that hey this is just life and look forward. It was cold but thats how I dealt with alot of stuff.

I don't know if this is a good example,  🤔  It never got me anywhere good. Bottling emotions up was never a thing.
 I could never share my emotions.

That's how I'm handling this and I'm being told by everyone that I should grieve. What the ->-bleeped-<- am I supposed to say "my girlfriend killed herself and left me and her kid behind and it hurts like hell but I have to keep my ->-bleeped-<- together and act like everything is fine when I'm just done." I don't know what to do anymore

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 10:45:15 AMThat's how I'm handling this and I'm being told by everyone that I should grieve. What the ->-bleeped-<- am I supposed to say "my girlfriend killed herself and left me and her kid behind and it hurts like hell but I have to keep my ->-bleeped-<- together and act like everything is fine when I'm just done." I don't know what to do anymore

the important thing is you have to think of your daughter. Id recommend try to get in touch with a therapist to help you get through this. It may be a difficult time but, it's times like this that make you who you are. One thing I did do as a male was to be strong for my children even when I was not in the best frame of mind. I am not sure of your situation but I do know when you have this much going on in you life it adds so much stress and can be very difficult to handle. Sometimes reaching out to therapist to guide you can make the world of difference.  I know it's not in our nature but it's  times like this that we have to try.

You mentioned in an earlier post something about your mom. Are close to your mom. Is she in the picture?

Adrian!

I am so very sorry... When there is a loss of this magnitude, it can feel so overwhelming and hard to put into any kind of perspective... Let yourself feel what you feel...it can be a meatgrinder to go through but, be aware... The main thing required is time and space... Time will let the process of grief work itself out... Life will find equilibrium once again and you will emerge with new skills, better able to help others deal with their own grief in the future... Let those who you care about know what you're feeling... Let them hear and help you... Be gentle with yourself in the days to come and know you have a family here that wants all the best for you!

Onward We Go...Even On The Hard Days

Hugs and Lotsa Love,

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Annaliese on April 29, 2025, 10:54:50 AMthe important thing is you have to think of your daughter. Id recommend try to get in touch with a therapist to help you get through this. It may be a difficult time but, it's times like this that make you who you are. One thing I did do as a male was to be strong for my children even when I was not in the best frame of mind. I am not sure of your situation but I do know when you have this much going on in you life it adds so much stress and can be very difficult to handle. Sometimes reaching out to therapist to guide you can make the world of difference.  I know it's not in our nature but it's  times like this that we have to try.

You mentioned in an earlier post something about your mom. Are close to your mom. Is she in the picture?

My mom is in the picture, but we don't necessarily get along.

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 29, 2025, 11:36:34 AMAdrian!

I am so very sorry... When there is a loss of this magnitude, it can feel so overwhelming and hard to put into any kind of perspective... Let yourself feel what you feel...it can be a meatgrinder to go through but, be aware... The main thing required is time and space... Time will let the process of grief work itself out... Life will find equilibrium once again and you will emerge with new skills, better able to help others deal with their own grief in the future... Let those who you care about know what your feeling... Let them hear and help you... Be gentle with yourself in the days to come and know you have a family here that wants all the best for you!

Onward We Go...Even On The Hard Days

Hugs and Lotsa Love,

Ashley 💕

I just feel...numb. Like it hurts like hell, but it is what it is. There ain't no changing what happened and there ain't no use in crying about it.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 11:54:58 AMMy mom is in the picture, but we don't necessarily get along.

Thats always a plus for you. Ashley shared a few great suggestions as well. Yes, it's gonna be a tough time for sure but you will get through this. Time and space is going to help. This added to the personal transition you are going through is going to be a bit harder. But as we move forward there's always help along the way. Reach out to the resources available to you. Keep on open diologue with your daughter and and always be there. If your relationship with your mom isn't too terribly bad try to allow her to help. Sometimes instances like this can bring us together. Above all remember that you will get through this.  🤗

Annaliese

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 11:57:52 AMI just feel...numb. Like it hurts like hell, but it is what it is. There ain't no changing what happened and there ain't no use in crying about it.

Numb is as valid a way to feel as anything else right now... Perhaps there might be more use in crying a bit about it than you realize right now... Let this take you where it is going to take you and then continue to seek out the things you need in life... They will be waiting there for you.

A💕

We're here for you, Adrian. Your partner sounds like an amazing woman and your daughter is blessed to have you with her during these impossible moments.

Thanks ladies. It means a lot

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 10:28:38 AMI don't know how to grieve her and begin healing.

Grieving is a process that we live through in states and to begin with a lot of people feel the way you do now, which from the sound of it is numb. That's natural, all animals go through this stage when they're hurt, but the emotions will come. It really is best, both for yourself and your memories of your partner to live the emotions because the alternative, suppressing them, makes it impossible to make sense of your loss and weave it into the narrative of your life. Grief can be shared and that helps the people you share it with, as well as giving them permission to help you. Lots of hugs.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 29, 2025, 02:57:14 PMGrieving is a process that we live through in states and to begin with a lot of people feel the way you do now, which from the sound of it is numb. That's natural, all animals go through this stage when they're hurt, but the emotions will come. It really is best, both for yourself and your memories of your partner to live the emotions because the alternative, suppressing them, makes it impossible to make sense of your loss and weave it into the narrative of your life. Grief can be shared and that helps the people you share it with, as well as giving them permission to help you. Lots of hugs.

Its just so hard to wrap my head around it. She was here just a few days ago and now she's gone. She's gone...

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 03:11:32 PMIts just so hard to wrap my head around it.

I'm not certain anyone's head can wrap around the grief you're feeling, Adrian. Mine never could in my moments of utter despair and overwhelming loss. I found some comfort in Emily's Dickinson's poem: My life closed twice before its close...ending with, 'Parting is all we know of heaven, And all we need of hell.' You won't be in hell forever, but I know how small a comfort that is when you're just trying to get through today. Through the moment you're in. Today will pass, whether you get your head wrapped around it or not. Let it be.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 10:45:15 AMWhat the ->-bleeped-<- am I supposed to say "my girlfriend killed herself and left me and her kid behind and it hurts like hell but I have to keep my ->-bleeped-<- together and act like everything is fine when I'm just done." I don't know what to do anymore

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 11:57:52 AMI just feel...numb. Like it hurts like hell, but it is what it is. There ain't no changing what happened and there ain't no use in crying about it.

Hey Adrian,

I'm so sorry for your loss. What you're going through is heartbreaking.

It's okay to not be okay right now.

There's no "right" way to grieve, and like others have said, you don't have to go through it all alone.

When you feel ready, talking to a grief counselor might help lighten the weight, not to fix anything, but so you don't have to carry it all by yourself.

Be gentle with yourself.

You're doing the best you can.

With care,


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 29, 2025, 03:23:20 PMI'm not certain anyone's head can wrap around the grief you're feeling, Adrian. Mine never could in my moments of utter despair and overwhelming loss. I found some comfort in Emily's Dickinson's poem: My life closed twice before its close...ending with, 'Parting is all we know of heaven, And all we need of hell.' You won't be in hell forever, but I know how small a comfort that is when you're just trying to get through today. Through the moment you're in. Today will pass, whether you get your head wrapped around it or not. Let it be.

I... you're right.

Quote from: Lilis on April 29, 2025, 03:23:46 PMHey Adrian,

I'm so sorry for your loss. What you're going through is heartbreaking.

It's okay to not be okay right now.

There's no "right" way to grieve, and like others have said, you don't have to go through it all alone.

When you feel ready, talking to a grief counselor might help lighten the weight, not to fix anything, but so you don't have to carry it all by yourself.

Be gentle with yourself.

You're doing the best you can.

With care,


~ Lilis 💗

I don't know if there's any grief counselors around here. And it's difficult to talk about what I feel when I don't even know what I feel. I've never really told anyone what I feel. It just doesn't happen in my house so it's difficult to put it into words

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 04:04:30 PMI don't know if there's any grief counselors around here.

Even if you're not sure about grief counselors nearby, or someone to talk to.

There are still options that don't require big steps, like texting a support line or joining an online support group or online therapy.

From my experience, grief can linger for years, sometimes even a lifetime.

I'm truly sorry you're going through something this painful.

But sometimes, just being heard, even by a stranger, can make the weight feel a little less crushing.

With care,


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 29, 2025, 04:31:07 PMEven if you're not sure about grief counselors nearby, or someone to talk to.

There are still options that don't require big steps, like texting a support line or joining an online support group or online therapy.

From my experience, grief can linger for years, sometimes even a lifetime.

I'm truly sorry you're going through something this painful.

But sometimes, just being heard, even by a stranger, can make the weight feel a little less crushing.

With care,


~ Lilis 💗

Yeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 04:39:41 PMYeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

I know, and I wish I could more.

But what you just experienced is traumatic and might require professional intervention. 

I pray that you can heal from it.

That's all I got.

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 29, 2025, 04:50:22 PMI know, and I wish I could more.

But what you just experienced is traumatic and might require professional intervention. 

I pray that you can heal from it.

That's all I got.

~ Lilis 💗

It's more than enough that you just talked to me about this. I know I'm gonna hurt, but for now I'm just trying to fully understand that this is my reality.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 04:39:41 PMYeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

Don't forget that you might want to consider some sort of counseling for your daughter.  You WILL get through this this. Time is the best healer. Check the internet for some online support groups.  🤗 Annaliese

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 04:04:30 PMI don't know if there's any grief counselors around here. And it's difficult to talk about what I feel when I don't even know what I feel. I've never really told anyone what I feel. It just doesn't happen in my house so it's difficult to put it into words

Okay, then maybe it's time to think about why people in your house (or family) don't tell each other what they feel? It's neutral enough ground you should be able to unlock it and if you can do that, then you'll be able to access the emotions you can't get to right now.

For instance, I grew up in a household where my father couldn't let out any emotions other than happiness or anger, with no inbetweens. That was confusing! What was your family like in that respect?

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 04:39:41 PMYeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

Then there's no time better to start on living it than now. Don't do what some of us did! That's why we're rooting for you, I guess.

Quote from: Annaliese on April 29, 2025, 05:47:14 PMDon't forget that you might want to consider some sort of counseling for your daughter.  You WILL get through this this. Time is the best healer. Check the internet for some online support groups.  🤗 Annaliese

I'll look into grief counselors for children in the area.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 06:17:14 AMOkay, then maybe it's time to think about why people in your house (or family) don't tell each other what they feel? It's neutral enough ground you should be able to unlock it and if you can do that, then you'll be able to access the emotions you can't get to right now.

For instance, I grew up in a household where my father couldn't let out any emotions other than happiness or anger, with no inbetweens. That was confusing! What was your family like in that respect?

We're the typical Mexican family, hardworking, but never emotional. The most emotional we get is during a death in the family. They didn't really know my girlfriend and those who really knew about us were absolutely against it because they see me, a AFAB, and her, a woman. So they're not help.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 06:18:31 AMThen there's no time better to start on living it than now. Don't do what some of us did! That's why we're rooting for you, I guess.

That kinda makes sense.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 07:00:52 AMWe're the typical Mexican family, hardworking, but never emotional.

Okay, so your family do allow emotions when they are grieving, but didn't allow emotions in the case of your partner, because she was a woman? Yet your father will have had emotions about your mother, who is also a woman? Leave everything else out of the equation, do I have that right?

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 07:05:58 AMOkay, so your family do allow emotions when they are grieving, but didn't allow emotions in the case of your partner, because she was a woman? Yet your father will have had emotions about your mother, who is also a woman? Leave everything else out of the equation, do I have that right?

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 07:18:05 AMYeah, you hit the nail on the head

Then maybe ask yourself, 'If my father has emotions for my mother, then surely it's perfectly fine for me to have emotions about my partner? Who is he (and anyone else in the family) to deny me emotions they allow themselves?'

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 07:44:41 AMThen maybe ask yourself, 'If my father has emotions for my mother, then surely it's perfectly fine for me to have emotions about my partner? Who is he (and anyone else in the family) to deny me emotions they allow themselves?'

They don't think like that. They think that its absolutely wrong for me to love a woman while being in a woman body

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 07:56:30 AMThey don't think like that. They think that its absolutely wrong for me to love a woman while being in a woman body

Let's reframe the question again. Do you agree that you should have to think the way they think? In other words, do you agree it's okay for what they think to stop you having emotions? I can see the exit from here and we can get to it, I hope, just a few steps.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 08:00:05 AMLet's reframe the question again. Do you agree that you should have to think the way they think? In other words, do you agree it's okay for what they think to stop you having emotions? I can see the exit from here and we can get to it, I hope, just a few steps.

You're right. I shouldn't let what they think keep me from experiencing my own emotions

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 12:08:18 PMYou're right. I shouldn't let what they think keep me from experiencing my own emotions

Yaaaay! That's the biggest step any of us take, allowing ourselves not to be what others try to make us.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 12:23:06 PMYaaaay! That's the biggest step any of us take, allowing ourselves not to be what others try to make us.

Well that's kinda why I'm here in the first place.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 12:38:08 PMWell that's kinda why I'm here in the first place.

It's why most of us are here, Adrian. None of us should be locking up our emotions because of our family's rules. If we do that, then we'll we'll never escape their influence, never love, never enjoy being who we are. Your family have declared that they can grieve, but you can't, which is totally unfair. Is that how it seems to you?

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 12:50:34 PMIt's why most of us are here, Adrian. None of us should be locking up our emotions because of our family's rules. If we do that, then we'll we'll never escape their influence, never love, never enjoy being who we are. Your family have declared that they can grieve, but you can't, which is totally unfair. Is that how it seems to you?

If I'm being honest, I've never really dwelled on it. Like I know all of this is absolutely f'ed up but it's been this way so long that I don't even question it anymore. To me that's just how it goes in our family.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 12:55:07 PMLike I know all of this is absolutely f'ed up but it's been this way so long that I don't even question it anymore. To me that's just how it goes in our family.

Then if you want out and to 'un-f' it, perhaps it's time to question it, accept it's not how it goes and take control of your destiny?

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 01:00:36 PMThen if you want out and to 'un-f' it, perhaps it's time to question it, accept it's not how it goes and take control of your destiny?

Idk girl. I've always had the kindest of "it don't really matter what we do here. We all gonna end up in a box"

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 30, 2025, 01:13:24 PMIdk girl. I've always had the kindest of "it don't really matter what we do here. We all gonna end up in a box"

Most surely we do, but it doesn't mean we don't get to enjoy all the stuff in between now and ending up in that box. I'd suggest you've got enough now to take to a therapist and make your life work for you and not leave it in the hands of fate, or your family, neither of which are necessarily giving you the best steer on this one?

Look at it this way, you already decided you are trans and didn't let your family stop you doing that, so why let them have any control over this? You've already done things off your own initiative which say you do think it matters what you do here.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 30, 2025, 01:17:04 PMMost surely we do, but it doesn't mean we don't get to enjoy all the stuff in between now and ending up in that box. I'd suggest you've got enough now to take to a therapist and make your life work for you and not leave it in the hands of fate, or your family, neither of which are necessarily giving you the best steer on this one?

Look at it this way, you already decided you are trans and didn't let your family stop you doing that, so why let them have any control over this? You've already done things off your own initiative which say you do think it matters what you do here.

Yeah. It's just what I'm telling myself as I'm trying to figuring everything out

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 10:28:38 AMI apologize in advance if anything is misspelled, I can't really see anything rn. This past weekend I sadly lost my partner. Ad of right now I haven't really registered it or dwelled on it too much. I don't know how to grieve her and begin healing. Was hoping for some advice

Grief is different for everyone, Adrian, and we all deal with it in different ways. I am so, so sorry. If there's anything you need, you know where I am, okay?

I want to say a little something about this, if it's okay:

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 29, 2025, 11:57:52 AMThere ain't no changing what happened and there ain't no use in crying about it.

You're right and you can't change what happened, but you are wrong in there being no use in crying about it. Doesn't matter who you are and how you identify, we all have a pressure release valve for when things get too much. As an ex-military lass I have seen the most stoic and strong willed guys break down in tears when they lost a buddy. Not immediately... there is a kind of unwritten thing that you have to be strong and be there to support others, to not show emotion. And there's a sort of emergency self defence mechanism we all have to try and protect us from feeling hurt. A psychological anaesthetic.

But that doesn't mean it's not there, and that getting it out isn't good for you, Adrian. Even if no one sees it. And sometimes the hardest part about grief is the feeling that we can't express it. Take it from someone who has lost most of their family and a bunch of people important to me. It doesn't get easier. Part of grief is the knowledge that it's okay to process these emotions you don't want to deal with. To feel them, and to express them. There is no shame in it, no... judgement. Loss is hard. Whoever you are. And we all have the same mechanisms to cope with them, however easy they are to access.

Give yourself time, okay? Time to come to terms with it. Time to be okay in being affected with it. And time to find the right moment to let it out. Even if it's just to yourself. It is okay to cry. It's okay to shout, to scream, to rage, to vent. To just release the pressure you feel inside. Even stoic dudes like you are, hon. It's okay.

I believe in you. Hang in there okay? *massive hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on May 01, 2025, 02:56:19 PMGrief is different for everyone, Adrian, and we all deal with it in different ways. I am so, so sorry. If there's anything you need, you know where I am, okay?

I want to say a little something about this, if it's okay:

You're right and you can't change what happened, but you are wrong in there being no use in crying about it. Doesn't matter who you are and how you identify, we all have a pressure release valve for when things get too much. As an ex-military lass I have seen the most stoic and strong willed guys break down in tears when they lost a buddy. Not immediately... there is a kind of unwritten thing that you have to be strong and be there to support others, to not show emotion. And there's a sort of emergency self defence mechanism we all have to try and protect us from feeling hurt. A psychological anaesthetic.

But that doesn't mean it's not there, and that getting it out isn't good for you, Adrian. Even if no one sees it. And sometimes the hardest part about grief is the feeling that we can't express it. Take it from someone who has lost most of their family and a bunch of people important to me. It doesn't get easier. Part of grief is the knowledge that it's okay to process these emotions you don't want to deal with. To feel them, and to express them. There is no shame in it, no... judgement. Loss is hard. Whoever you are. And we all have the same mechanisms to cope with them, however easy they are to access.

Give yourself time, okay? Time to come to terms with it. Time to be okay in being affected with it. And time to find the right moment to let it out. Even if it's just to yourself. It is okay to cry. It's okay to shout, to scream, to rage, to vent. To just release the pressure you feel inside. Even stoic dudes like you are, hon. It's okay.

I believe in you. Hang in there okay? *massive hugs*

It's just...it feels like everything is falling apart at the same time. And everyone says that the relationship isn't valid and that she didn't matter enough to be crying over. And then others are saying that the anger isn't good and that I should ignore that part

Quote from: Adrian26 on May 01, 2025, 03:09:27 PMIt's just...it feels like everything is falling apart at the same time. And everyone says that the relationship isn't valid and that she didn't matter enough to be crying over. And then others are saying that the anger isn't good and that I should ignore that part

Yeah... forget what other people are saying, okay? They weren't in your relationship. They don't know you, didn't know your girlfriend, and are frankly talking out of the hole better left for bathroom excretions.

The only people who matter, whose feelings matter in all this... is you and your little girl.

Anger is natural. Sadness is natural. What you feel is natural. No one has really any say in this and people who think they do should really know when to shut the hell up. In my humble opinion. Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 01, 2025, 03:13:50 PMYeah... forget what other people are saying, okay? They weren't in your relationship. They don't know you, didn't know your girlfriend, and are frankly talking out of the hole better left for bathroom excretions.

The only people who matter, whose feelings matter in all this... is you and your little girl.

Anger is natural. Sadness is natural. What you feel is natural. No one has really any say in this and people who think they do should really know when to shut the hell up. In my humble opinion. Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Ayy dios mio mi hermana loca. You're absolutely correct about that, but it's hard to remember that what I feel matters when it feels like I'm drowning

Quote from: Adrian26 on May 01, 2025, 03:32:45 PMAyy dios mio mi hermana loca. You're absolutely correct about that, but it's hard to remember that what I feel matters when it feels like I'm drowning

As ex-navy, I know how to swim. I rescued my little bro when he was drowning, I can do the same for you. <3 It will be okay, Adrian. You have people around you who care, and who see you. Hold onto that okay? Like a life ring. You will get through this, both of you. Just hang in there. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on May 01, 2025, 03:54:40 PMAs ex-navy, I know how to swim. I rescued my little bro when he was drowning, I can do the same for you. <3 It will be okay, Adrian. You have people around you who care, and who see you. Hold onto that okay? Like a life ring. You will get through this, both of you. Just hang in there. :)

Yeah

I was busy yesterday but I'm back.

Grief isn't something we can avoid, we must go through it, whether we want to or not. Ultimately it's better to experience the emotions that grief brings with it than to deny them. If we deny them, then the emotions we try to suppress will come out in other ways which we cannot control and often will bring with them the sort of experiences we are least equipped to deal with.

Despite this, grief is a process we all navigate in a similar way. The first stage is denial, where we feel numb, and our loss feels unreal. In the next stage, as we begin to experience the emotional and practical effects of our loss, it becomes real and unleashes a flood of emotions including anger.

The next two stages often happen together but include 'bargaining' where we try to swerve the cause of their grief, and low mood, where everything feels pointless. Finally, we move on to accepting what's happened, has happened and weave the story of the person we've lost into the tapestry of our own life.

Something I should underline here is your grief experience is extremely complicated thanks to factors like your family's attitude to emotions, you being trans, their attitude to that and to your relationship, the circumstances of the loss of your partner and you having her child to care for.

This is not a situation we should be fooling around with, full stop. Empathy and understanding yes, answers to questions, yes, we can do that, but you really, really should seek a bereavement therapist. Even with my professional hat on, I would be wary of dealing with this online, but equally, if you can get face to face therapy, I'm certain you can navigate this because you've unpicked your grief enough to get a head start with a therapist.

Looked for a counselor and there's not any reputable ones in the Panhandle that I honestly think I could open up to like that

If you can't visit face to face, try calling and see if they can refer you to someone closer to you.

https://www.sanangelocounseling.org/grief-loss-counseling

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 02, 2025, 09:00:58 AMIf you can't visit face to face, try calling and see if they can refer you to someone closer to you.

https://www.sanangelocounseling.org/grief-loss-counseling

Hm I'll look into it

Quote from: Adrian26 on May 02, 2025, 08:06:20 AMLooked for a counselor and there's not any reputable ones in the Panhandle that I honestly think I could open up to like that

Lori's suggestion is good. If you can't get face to face then second best is online video. It's one of those situations where there's a lot in play and you need someone who can deal with multiple issues. But you know what those issues are and you can do this.

The only scary thing about therapy for any of us the realisation we should have done it earlier :-)

Quote from: TanyaG on May 02, 2025, 09:18:42 AMLori's suggestion is good. If you can't get face to face then second best is online video. It's one of those situations where there's a lot in play and you need someone who can deal with multiple issues. But you know what those issues are and you can do this.

I'm looking into online counseling