So, this is going to be rather long and thanks ahead of time if you read it all :) I am 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and was born a male physically. I have always wished that I was born a girl for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, some of my best friends were a couple girls that lived in my neighborhood, and I even enjoyed playing Barbie with them too. However, I have not ever really considered that I could be transsexual until just a couple months back. Thinking about it, I think I may have always known in the back of my mind, but didn't accept it because of my dad. He was always very masculine and would do everything in his power to have me be the same. If I ever hurt myself (even if I gashed my leg open) i was told to quit crying and man up. He never let me act anything but completely masculine and I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Anyway, a couple years back he left and I found out I actually don't know my real father, etc. but that's another story. I now feel like I'm free to be who I am, but I'm scared I will make a life-changing mistake. I really don't know what to think or do. I spend hours every day thinking about it, picturing myself as a female, and asking questions like would I be happy doing this or that, etc. some days I am motivated and want to go out there and start and I'm completely sure it is right, and others I think that it would be much easier to remain how I am and I should just not go through it and be as happy as I can as a guy. I wish more than anything I could have been born a female, I'm just not sure I want everything that comes with being a transsexual. I definitely have a feminine mind, and I won't explain why or this post will turn into a book. Here are the reasons I think I should transition: I hate my guy "parts", I don't like that society expects me to be a huge muscular dude that is rude, I could never have sex with anyone in this body and never want to unless I transition, I feel like I am grouped with guys who are rude and treat girls like trash, I much prefer things like snuggling up with someone I love and watching a movie rather than having sex like all guys seem to want, I usually can't relate to what guys talk about, I prefer female company over male company any day, and I want to feel free to express myself. Now, here are some of the reasons I am hesitant on transitioning: fear or not passing, not much knowledge of the female world (can be learned), I'm 6 ft tall and dont want to stand out, I don't want anyone to outcast me, the money involved, the time it takes, and family and friends leaving. So, I know for certain that I am indeed a girl in mind and spirit, but I'm just worried that after struggling to come out, paying the medical bills, and learning to fit into a whole new society, I will be outcast and it will all go wrong, which will lead me to wishing I had never done it in the first place since my current life isn't terribly miserable, I'm just unhappy with my body is all. (holy commas, Batman!) Anyway, could anyone provide me with some input in what they think? Or maybe if someone had this same problem but went through with it and are completely happy? I guess I'm just in fear of the unknown. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did and hopefully I can get some thoughts on what to do!
First thing if you are able to, go see a gender therapist who can help you. Most transgendered people I know who transition goes or went to a gender therapist because that is the first step.
Don't worry about being a 6'0 plus woman. Many ciswomen are that height or even taller.
It's okay to be scared of the unknown. Most people are including me are scared of the unknown.
No one can tell you if this is right for you. You have to know it in your heart that this is what you want and the price you are willing to pay to transition in order to be happy which can include the money involved, social aspects, family, friends, health risks etc.
If you cannot get to a therapist then I say talk to some of the ladies and guys around here and get to know their story or follow blogs or watch those on Youtube who document their transition to hear their stories.
I wish you the best on whatever you decide to do.
-hugs-
-Malachte
Thank you, I will try to see one, but that means I am going to have to come out to my mom since I don't have a job, which I don't want to do if I'm unsure and I find out later that I'm not; I'd rather her not have that thought in her mind forever if it turns out I was being unsure and stupid, even though I feel like I'm fairly sure.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
I like both actually, but prefer women. The thing is, I want to have sex, but I could never in my male body. I absolutely hate my genitals and it would feel completely wrong and I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm absolutely sure of that, and I don't want it in the rear either; if I ever do have sex with a guy, it will be if I transition and then he can put it in a proper place. I'm not against anal sex if other people do it, but it just seems gross to think of myself doing it and it is, like you said, sorta dangerous.
Thanks for the responses, I'll hopefully be able to figure something out and see a gender therapist :)
What do I think? I think you should use paragraphs, because I'm really dizzy and could never read that wall of text entirely.
From what I understood, I have two words for you: Gender therapist. that should andswer all your questions and wishes. Don't worry about your mother. If you end up not transitioning, it'll just be one of those "haha, look at what my son thought back then, so silly" things. Unless she's stupid, she can't possibly be angry at you for that. Wanting to explore your fears and thoughts is natural and healthy. And if you don't want to tell her, go at a therapist who "also" does gender therapy, and don't tell her the real reason why you're going. Invent something.
And I'd tend to say not to listen to Skeptical_Me, even though I don't like pointing at people. Sex is not a priority regarding transition, and "trying it out" if you don't feel like it will pretty much surely bring trauma, but no advantage whatsoever. Just like putting your hand on the lit stove just to make sure it'll burn.
And the idea of transitioning BECAUSE of attraction to men is utter ridiculous. Anal sex isn't dangerous unless you willingly do it the worst, the most stupid way. And gay men who transition end up being unhappy and wishing to go back, mostly.
Keep in mind that sex is a minor aspect in the great sack of reasons that might make you transition.
Getting a sex change and transitioning because you want to have sex with men but think anal sex is dangerous is the most INSANE reason to even consider it. That is some of the worst advice I have seen on this forum.
ItachiUchiha, I'm going to reiterate the advice you've already been given.. Go see a gender therapist..
And while fearing that you will ose everyone and everything is a valid fear - it doesn't always happen.. Just many of us who don't lose everything don't always crow about it..
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
That's quite simply the worst advice I've ever seen here.. ::)
Quote from: ItachiUchiha on January 30, 2012, 02:45:45 PM
So, this is going to be rather long and thanks ahead of time if you read it all :) I am 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and was born a male physically. I have always wished that I was born a girl for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, some of my best friends were a couple girls that lived in my neighborhood, and I even enjoyed playing Barbie with them too. However, I have not ever really considered that I could be transsexual until just a couple months back. Thinking about it, I think I may have always known in the back of my mind, but didn't accept it because of my dad. He was always very masculine and would do everything in his power to have me be the same. If I ever hurt myself (even if I gashed my leg open) i was told to quit crying and man up. He never let me act anything but completely masculine and I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Anyway, a couple years back he left and I found out I actually don't know my real father, etc. but that's another story. I now feel like I'm free to be who I am, but I'm scared I will make a life-changing mistake. I really don't know what to think or do. I spend hours every day thinking about it, picturing myself as a female, and asking questions like would I be happy doing this or that, etc. some days I am motivated and want to go out there and start and I'm completely sure it is right, and others I think that it would be much easier to remain how I am and I should just not go through it and be as happy as I can as a guy. I wish more than anything I could have been born a female, I'm just not sure I want everything that comes with being a transsexual. I definitely have a feminine mind, and I won't explain why or this post will turn into a book. Here are the reasons I think I should transition: I hate my guy "parts", I don't like that society expects me to be a huge muscular dude that is rude, I could never have sex with anyone in this body and never want to unless I transition, I feel like I am grouped with guys who are rude and treat girls like trash, I much prefer things like snuggling up with someone I love and watching a movie rather than having sex like all guys seem to want, I usually can't relate to what guys talk about, I prefer female company over male company any day, and I want to feel free to express myself. Now, here are some of the reasons I am hesitant on transitioning: fear or not passing, not much knowledge of the female world (can be learned), I'm 6 ft tall and dont want to stand out, I don't want anyone to outcast me, the money involved, the time it takes, and family and friends leaving. So, I know for certain that I am indeed a girl in mind and spirit, but I'm just worried that after struggling to come out, paying the medical bills, and learning to fit into a whole new society, I will be outcast and it will all go wrong, which will lead me to wishing I had never done it in the first place since my current life isn't terribly miserable, I'm just unhappy with my body is all. (holy commas, Batman!) Anyway, could anyone provide me with some input in what they think? Or maybe if someone had this same problem but went through with it and are completely happy? I guess I'm just in fear of the unknown. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did and hopefully I can get some thoughts on what to do!
This is something that's really inside of you. Although your dad is masculine and wants a son, remember this may not be what's inside of you. Do you have any brothers? If so, he should focus on them. That will boost his confidence. Playing with Barbie dolls as a child is a sign that something about you may be feminine. I may suggest speaking to an expert for an analysis.
Ok, thanks everyone! And trust me, I would NEVER transition just because of sexual reasons, I'm not sure why that was suggested honestly. I mean, sure sex will actually be enjoyable, but I'm doing it for myself and how I picture myself being, not for sexual pleasures. Anyway thanks again, I'll try to find a gender therapist nearby and tell my mom.
No matter how much I disagree with Sceptical_Me's post, I must nonetheless say that I am sure that he(?) did not mean any harm. Perhaps he comes from a culture where those points of view is common.
In thailand, for instance, it is not uncommon at all to transition to be able to get heterosexual guys.
That view was even used in the West World untill only a few decades ago, when someone applying for Sex Change would be refuted if the person would not be heterosexual in the new Sex.
I personally knew a Trans-person that was denied treatment because he was bisexual, and therefore was destined to live like a man for the rest of the life, but he was fine with that now and was happy with life anyways.
As for anal sex being dangerous, that is totally untrue, unless it is done violently so that it actually damages the ringmuscle.
Otherwise, and if using lube, precaution, taking it easy and not the least cleaning yourself properly before sex, it is not bad in any way.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
omg..
Quote from: Stephe on January 31, 2012, 12:29:30 AM
Getting a sex change and transitioning because you want to have sex with men but think anal sex is dangerous is the most INSANE reason to even consider it. That is some of the worst advice I have seen on this forum.
Thank you! I was waiting in this.
Itachi, the best advice I can give you is to be completely honest with yourself and any therapist you may see. Tell them your sexual feelings, as well as your self image feelings.
I am like you, I am not very sexually driven. Granted I've had sex with just about everything in the book, it took me almost 27 years to get there, and a lot of it was just experiments. I'm just not somebody that craves sex or even thinks about it often. I use to think that this was a trans issue, but it's infact a body issue. I am going to go against the crowd and advise you to see a therapist that deals with body dysmorphia. Perhaps your issues are more related to your body and not gender. It took me 3 years to figure out that I was getting my body issued confused for gender issues... Granted I do have gender issues, but my main problem is body issues.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
In the rear is medically dangerous.
LOL! Only if you are doing it with a horse :|
Yeah, I think I will probably see a gender therapist this weekend, unless I chicken out which may very well happen haha. Sometimes I really feel like I am a female, then other times I'm unsure. Hopefully a therapist can help me clear this up.
Rabbit, lol I think we all know who tried that and I hope no one ever tries that again.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
Ha.
Hahahaha.
Must-resist-rant-against-heteronormativity-binarism-and-cisnormativity (not to mention the effect on the diametric parallel functions of homophobia, non-binaryphobia, and transphobia).
Ok, but seriously. The good thing is that you can do a lot of stuff to explore your gender identity, sexual identity, sexual orientation that doesn't involve permanent measures. The bad thing is that society is kind of a dick about that.
I was in a place somewhat similar to yours (in terms of age, apprehensions, a few of the beliefs about wanting to transition) about two years ago, and I turned out fine. Feel free to PM me if you would like.
Yeah I guess what I'm apprehensive about is the cost, fitting in, and learning how to live and act like a girl. I don't doubt that I have a female mind and I want a female body so much (I hate my male body) but I've lived as a guy for 19 years so I know how to do that, but I'm just unsure of if I could ever live a female life, even though I want to be one. Does that make sense?
Wonderdyke, I was gonna pm you but I don't know how to haha, I tried clicking on your name.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
Seriously?
I mean, SERIOUSLY?
Don't listen to this person. You need to live your life authentically. That doesn't necessarily mean "acting like a woman." Just like you. Don't try to live up to a female ideal - it won't happen. Cisgen women can't even do that. You decide what is right for you and if you're acting the way that you want to act. There are advantages and disadvantages to any path that one takes in life. For me, the advantages outweighed the disadvantages. I suggest finding a reputable therapist who is well-versed in LGBT matters and do some major soul-searching for a while. Wait until you are ready to make a decision before making the decision - only you will know when that is. Good luck! And try to have fun with it! :)
Quote from: ItachiUchiha on January 31, 2012, 09:07:37 PM
Yeah I guess what I'm apprehensive about is the cost, fitting in, and learning how to live and act like a girl. I don't doubt that I have a female mind and I want a female body so much (I hate my male body) but I've lived as a guy for 19 years so I know how to do that, but I'm just unsure of if I could ever live a female life, even though I want to be one. Does that make sense?
Wonderdyke, I was gonna pm you but I don't know how to haha, I tried clicking on your name.
I think you need around five more posts.
I don't fit in. I'm a radical feminist separatist queer as christ dyke kid, and it's the fact that I did what I did when I did it that makes me feel like I can do it. It doesn't make me any less female that I'm butch, that I'm gay, or that I'm masculine in a way that very few women are.
Don't choose not to transition for fear of not being able to "live a female life". If you're female, then your life is female. It's pretty much as simple as that.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
I have seen a documentary on Youtube from a person that has similar ideas about that. This was geared towards Ftms but it can be applied to Mtfs and estrogen too. If you want to just hear the comments about that by a couple of people it starts from 6 minutes and 25 seconds to about 8 minutes.
http://youtu.be/6shYwx33ZTg (http://youtu.be/6shYwx33ZTg)
I disagree about having to have sex to know who you are. I'm 19 and a virgin and I am pretty sure of myself and I don't need to make love to a woman or man to make sure I am "sure". I want horomones.
Just my thought
Yeah, I guess you are both right. I guess I'm just scared that people are going to outcast me and it's going to make my life a whole lot more difficult if people can easily tell I'm transsexual and I don't fit in. I just wanna say, I REALLY admire all of you went ahead and did it and are happy, it's awesome that you all are so brave and sure of yourselves. I just need to completely come to terms with who I am, and most likely with the help of a gender therapist since I can't seem to decide for myself haha.
Quote from: ItachiUchiha on January 31, 2012, 09:56:43 PM
Yeah, I guess you are both right. I guess I'm just scared that people are going to outcast me and it's going to make my life a whole lot more difficult if people can easily tell I'm transsexual and I don't fit in. I just wanna say, I REALLY admire all of you went ahead and did it and are happy, it's awesome that you all are so brave and sure of yourselves. I just need to completely come to terms with who I am, and most likely with the help of a gender therapist since I can't seem to decide for myself haha.
That's a good plan. Seriously.
I was really lucky. That's a privilege that I've had. I of course can't guarantee that the same things will happen to you, but a lot of that has to do with you, and you can't hate yourself for what you can't control, yanno? I don't view it as bravery, I just did what I had to do.
Quote from: Wonderdyke on January 31, 2012, 08:49:53 PM
Ha.
Hahahaha.
Must-resist-rant-against-heteronormativity-binarism-and-cisnormativity (not to mention the effect on the diametric parallel functions of homophobia, non-binaryphobia, and transphobia).
Ok, but seriously. The good thing is that you can do a lot of stuff to explore your gender identity, sexual identity, sexual orientation that doesn't involve permanent measures. The bad thing is that society is kind of a dick about that.
I was in a place somewhat similar to yours (in terms of age, apprehensions, a few of the beliefs about wanting to transition) about two years ago, and I turned out fine. Feel free to PM me if you would like.
she may find offense to that. She said she is twice our age and labeled by the US Government as a "'extremely intelligent."
Quote from: Stephe on January 31, 2012, 12:29:30 AM
Getting a sex change and transitioning because you want to have sex with men but think anal sex is dangerous is the most INSANE reason to even consider it. That is some of the worst advice I have seen on this forum.
Including this comment you made in my profile: Bad advice to: have sex change just because you like men!
What makes 'you' the authority on advice?
If I could find 'your' negative reputation button to click on and make a comment in 'your profile' ...I'd certainly do so!
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
Quote from: kelly_aus on January 31, 2012, 02:52:49 AMThat's quite simply the worst advice I've ever seen here.. ::)
Including this comment you made in my profile: Most off base advice I've seen here in a while..
What makes 'you' the authority on advice?
If I could find 'your' negative reputation button to click on and make a comment in 'your profile' ...I'd certainly do so!
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on February 02, 2012, 06:34:05 AM
Including this comment you made in my profile: Bad advice to: have sex change just because you like men!
What makes 'you' the authority on advice?
If I could find 'your' negative reputation button to click on and make a comment in 'your profile' ...I'd certainly do so!
She said it was bad advice because one would usually get SRS to match their gender to their physical gender. To say you should get SRS because you want to have sex with men really is bad advice and I think any therapist would back that up....because that would preclude that gay men should have sex change operations. SRS is much more than having sexual intercourse.
Furthermore, giving someone a negative reputation because they gave you one is not allowed here. If you did that, their smite you gave them would go away and that smite would be transferred to your account.
Quote from: ItachiUchiha on January 31, 2012, 09:56:43 PM
Yeah, I guess you are both right. I guess I'm just scared that people are going to outcast me and it's going to make my life a whole lot more difficult if people can easily tell I'm transsexual and I don't fit in.
Everyone has these fears and others, perfectly normal but they are unfounded. I'm sure everyone who has done this had this same fear of "being outcast" and at least in my case it never happened. Most of us learn to "fit in" enough where people don't notice, don't care or can't tell. In practice any of the above will suffice for me :)
I does take about 20 minutes more effort each morning to get ready, but that's just something most women deal with. Being pretty isn't easy and can sometimes be painful :P
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on February 02, 2012, 06:34:05 AM
Including this comment you made in my profile: Bad advice to: have sex change just because you like men!
What makes 'you' the authority on advice?
I'm not -the authority-, read the international standards of care. No quality surgeon or therapist would EVER let someone have a sex change based on what you posted. That is absolutely the WRONG reason to have a sex change. And maybe you can show us what authority you speak from on anal sex being medically dangerous? This sounds as ignorant as that senator saying the HIV is never transmitted by heterosexual people.
And being a virgin at 18 is smart, not abnormal as you stated. Just because a trans person finds women sexually attractive doesn't mean they aren't trans either. Sexual preference and gender are NOT connected.
There was just SOOO much bad advice in your post I had to smite it AND am tempted to smite you again for these last couple of "I'm gonna give you retaliation smite" nonsense.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on February 02, 2012, 06:56:35 AM
Including this comment you made in my profile: Most off base advice I've seen here in a while..
What makes 'you' the authority on advice?
If I could find 'your' negative reputation button to click on and make a comment in 'your profile' ...I'd certainly do so!
And maybe Bishounen can explain why they gave skeptical_me a thumbs up for this rant? I sure don't get that.. Lets encourage hostility??
Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:34:05 AM
I'm not -the authority-, read the international standards of care. No quality surgeon or therapist would EVER let someone have a sex change based on what you posted. That is absolutely the WRONG reason to have a sex change. And maybe you can show us what authority you speak from on anal sex being medically dangerous? This sounds as ignorant as that senator saying the HIV is never transmitted by heterosexual people.
And being a virgin at 18 is smart, not abnormal as you stated. Just because a trans person finds women sexually attractive doesn't mean they aren't trans either. Sexual preference and gender are NOT connected.
There was just SOOO much bad advice in your post I had to smite it AND am tempted to smite you again for these last couple of "I'm gonna give you retaliation smite" nonsense.
Not that I agree with Sceptical_Me's opinions(I don't), although I however see nothing wrong with changing sex only to get guys. Or girls.
As for a person with such desires not being allowed to change sex, it is yet a fact that all types of people that "shouldn't be allowed" to have SRS, nonetheless do.
Example: Jake regrets (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3Mz4rc8y9g#)
Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:39:08 AM
And maybe Bishounen can explain why they gave skeptical_me a thumbs up for this rant? I sure don't get that.. Lets encourage hostility??
Annah asked the exactly same thing just now, in my inbox, actually. :)
In short, it is not the stuff Sceptical_Me says that I Plused, I merely felt sorry for him/her and felt that he/she as a bit bullied(Although I do fully understand why people are upset by the claims of his/hers).
In short, I wanted to give him/her some cheering ups. :)
Ok, this thread is breeding a lot of hostility O.o
Skeptical: they weren't saying you were a bad advice giver or that they were the authority on advice, it's just that your comment was a little bit off topic on transitioning due to the fact that most people wouldn't transition for that sole purpose (although I'm sure some do) and I never brought up sexual preferences.
And everyone else, I agree it was a little harsh saying that was the worst advice ever and a little unnecessary. It wasn't the best advice due to the nature of the topic, but she was just trying to help.
I'm not taking anyone's side, I just don't want people getting mad at each other and starting a "smite" war over this, as it's not important and we can move on.
Anyway.... Thanks for all the continuous advice and help, I really appreciate the effort everyone is putting in to try to help me :)
Quote from: Bishounen on February 02, 2012, 11:41:31 AM
Not that I agree with Sceptical_Me's opinions(I don't), although I however see nothing wrong with changing sex only to get guys. Or girls.
Example: Jake regrets (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3Mz4rc8y9g#)
Great example of why someone who thinks *easier sex* as a good reason should never have SRS. Thanks for posting.
Kinda confused as to why you feel this video backs up the point of view that you "see nothing wrong with changing sex only to get guys". The subject in the video explains how doing it for that reason has ruined his life. Sorta the post child for NOT following this advice.
I guess I could see giving a thumbs up to his original post, but just seemed odd to thumbs up a hostile rant..
Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 02, 2012, 11:49:41 AM
Ok, this thread is breeding a lot of hostility O.o
Skeptical: they weren't saying you were a bad advice giver or that they were the authority on advice, it's just that your comment was a little bit off topic on transitioning due to the fact that most people wouldn't transition for that sole purpose (although I'm sure some do) and I never brought up sexual preferences.
And everyone else, I agree it was a little harsh saying that was the worst advice ever and a little unnecessary. It wasn't the best advice due to the nature of the topic, but she was just trying to help.
I'm not taking anyone's side, I just don't want people getting mad at each other and starting a "smite" war over this, as it's not important and we can move on.
Anyway.... Thanks for all the continuous advice and help, I really appreciate the effort everyone is putting in to try to help me :)
*Gives Itachiuchiha Hirs first Plus*^
Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 02, 2012, 11:49:41 AM
And everyone else, I agree it was a little harsh saying that was the worst advice ever and a little unnecessary.
It WAS the worst advice I have ever seen on this forum.
The whole thing about anal sex being medically dangerous just has no basis in fact. Telling you that you are abnormal for not having sex yet at age 18 was also not true and was rude/hurtful. PLENTY of SMART people wait to have sex until they find someone they truly love. Sorry but they deserved every bit of this for posting that. If you read through their record of posts, most are in this same hostile tone.
I won't argue with anyone here, and it is certainly right to voice your opinion on it Stephe, I'm just trying to keep the hostility to a low and tone things down a bit. While I also don't think it was particularly good advice, maybe that is how Skeptical thought when she went through it. Anyway, I do agree that it was a bit hostile but bringing more hostility in won't solve anything.
Again, I don't mean to offend anyone in any way, and I refuse to take sides here, but the point of these forums is for supportive advice and helping others; hostility just works against that cause. I do really appreciate the responses I'm getting though, thanks :)
Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:34:05 AM
I'm not -the authority-, read the international standards of care. No quality surgeon or therapist would EVER let someone have a sex change based on what you posted. That is absolutely the WRONG reason to have a sex change. And maybe you can show us what authority you speak from on anal sex being medically dangerous? This sounds as ignorant as that senator saying the HIV is never transmitted by heterosexual people.
And being a virgin at 18 is smart, not abnormal as you stated. Just because a trans person finds women sexually attractive doesn't mean they aren't trans either. Sexual preference and gender are NOT connected
I have to agree with you on this Steph. Sex and Gender are two different issues. Anybody who goes into transition or SRS thinking the sex would be easier is totally wrong. Many may come to regret their wreck less decisions in the long run. transition has a lot of hills and valleys and you have to be ready for every curve thrown at you. i know everybody has a right to their own opinion and that is why we have these boards. people need to respect everybody opinion and respect the feelings of the person involved.
Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:52:47 AM
Great example of why someone who thinks *easier sex* as a good reason should never have SRS. Thanks for posting.
Kinda confused as to why you feel this video backs up the point of view that you "see nothing wrong with changing sex only to get guys". The subject in the video explains how doing it for that reason has ruined his life. Sorta the post child for NOT following this advice.
Indeed that is so, that it was a very bad example of his behalf. On the other hand, one must also remember that every transitioner is different and hence also functions differently.
For instance, people on this very board constantly choose ways to live out their identities or sexualities to find happiness, that to the next transitioner would be the completely wrong way, and vice versa.
What I try to say is, that what makes some people happy, makes another unhappy, and what would make yet another person unhappy, would turn out to be the key to happiness for another.
For instance, the famous Economist Deidre McCloskey transitioined for "All the wrong reasons" according to the Standards of Cares and the guide Rules for changing Sex(And for this very reason, she purposely lied about everything during the sessions to be approved), but to
her, it was all the
right reasons that enabled her to find happiness.
QuoteI guess I could see giving a thumbs up to his original post, but just seemed odd to thumbs up a hostile rant..
I understand you reaction, and I also admit that it, in a way, was a quite pointless thing on my behalf to do, as it was after all not something I actually agreed with that /S/he had said.
I just don't like seeing people having "smithes as the first and only reputations they have as newbees, if they have not meant any actual harm, although being a bit unthoughful.
If S/he, however, would had said something purposely insulting to someone, I would instead have smithed, for I do not accept nastiness.
Ah well.
Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:24:53 AM
I does take about 20 minutes more effort each morning to get ready, but that's just something most women deal with. Being pretty isn't easy and can sometimes be painful :P
Theres a saying among cosmetologists around here: Beauty hurts! Remember that the next time youre getting ur hair done and your neck is kinked up from leaning ur head in an awkward position.
Now "Beverly" gives me a negative reputation, for being 'confrontational' in this thread!
(I would imagine she 'would' ...considering what small little bit I've read of her thoughts in her posts.)
Oh! I didn't know 'being confrontational' was a bad thing!
This is just plain "harassment"!
OK! I'll tell you what I'm going to do!
If nobody thinks I'm of any value here ...I don't need this, or this site, at all.
So, let's make a contest or 'game' out of it!
If in 7 days, (of this hour) my plusses don't at least equal my minuses ...I will delete my account and get out of all of your hair.
VOTING TIME!
Or the administration can ban me 'right now' and you'll all be done with me.
Alan Parsons Project Eye In The Sky (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COTR5NiHkCc&feature=related#)
Quote from: Bishounen on February 02, 2012, 11:45:14 AM
Annah asked the exactly same thing just now, in my inbox, actually. :)
In short, it is not the stuff Sceptical_Me says that I Plused, I merely felt sorry for him/her and felt that he/she as a bit bullied(Although I do fully understand why people are upset by the claims of his/hers).
In short, I wanted to give him/her some cheering ups. :)
Just remember, "pluses" according to Susan should be given out only when: "to reward exceptional posts, and I mean posts which are really above and beyond the fold." You don't give them out to someone who is being a little rude to others because you feel sorry for her. You should give her a "plus" because you were blown away by one of her posts.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
I bend the rules a bit on giving out pluses. I give 'em out freely, and I'll bet Susan doesn't mind. It's when the minuses start flying around that we have trouble here. Remember the proper sequence: Skip the post or topic. Put them on "Ignore". Notify a Moderator. Use your smite button. Hugs, Devlyn
Okay, so. I realize I'm probably hijacking this thread and I honestly didn't intend on posting this at first, but some of the stuff I've read here really resonates with me.
Basically I have a similar problem as the OP. I'm older (24) but lately I've been thinking I have some issues around my gender.
To start at the beginning, as far back as I can remember I've wanted to be female. When I was very young I always pretended to be a girl during games, and while I played with stereotypical boy toys I also insisted on my parents buying me things like Polly Pocket (if anyone remembers those).
I realize stuff like this doesn't mean you have GID. But the feeling of wanting to be female has always persisted, usually shoved far to the back of my mind so I won't have to deal with it. Throughout my teenage years and up to the present I've viewed gender reassignment therapy as a desirable fantasy. A few years ago my mother was talking about SRT after it came up in a conversation and she jokingly said that it wouldn't work for me because I look too masculine. I was absolutely devastated.
There are things about me- the fact that I have a soft voice, that I'm shy and emotionally sensitive- that I feel ashamed of as a man. I've often caught myself thinking "If I was a woman I wouldn't have to feel ashamed of this". I often think of myself as looking quite feminine to the point where I can get quite a shock when I look in the mirror and see that I'm not. I have yet to have any sexual experience at all- because I want to have sex as a woman. I've even tried cross-dressing a few times, but that just made me hyper aware of how non-feminine my body is.
I don't want to over-state things here so let me be clear that these feelings aren't constant. A long time can pass without me thinking like this, and while there are some elements of my masculine body I dislike, there are others I like (some of my facial features for example, or sometimes I think growing my facial hair looks attractive while other times it looks repulsive). That makes me doubt that I should really be thinking about switching sex at all.
The reason I wrote this post is because I saw something while lurking in a different thread that was a massive hallelujah moment for me:
QuoteI felt like a "nonentity," which is a common self-perception of transsexuals.
This describes perfectly how I've felt for most of my life, and very strongly ever since the age of 19 or so.
I realize this is rambling (like I said, didn't intend on writing this at first) so to get to the point..... I'm scared of doing something about this. I'm scared that I'm too masculine looking to be a woman, or people will tell me I'm just going through a phase. Most of all I'm scared that I'll be told I don't qualify for SRT and the possibility will be gone for good.
Not even sure what I'm looking for here. I guess I just wanted to write all this and here if it sounds familiar to anyone else. Thanks for listening.
Familiar? You stalking me? Cause it's quite familiar. I thought I had been the only one to like polly pockets. ._.
I'd like to do a little a parte here. I don't think people mind all that much about your hijacking of this thread, but in a spirit of order and logic, I'd like to suggest that you make new topics for such things in the future.
Anyhow, I'm not a specialist, but comparing your story to mine and to the "expertise" (lol) I've acquired over these last few years, I'd tend to say you sound pretty transsexual to me. Pretty much every element in your story is even considered a "classic" in transsexalism. So yeah, sorry, but your case is boring. But don't worry, mine is, too. ~
But nevertheless, the two magic words shall be served to you: gender therapist. That'll help you immensely, wither to "confirm that you're not trans" or to put you on the path of transition.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on January 30, 2012, 06:36:43 PM
My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.
This might be the most homophobic thing I've seen on these forums (and I've, strangely enough, seen a fair amount of homophobic things here)
First, the assumption that if you're attracted to women, you should be forced to engage in sex that doesn't appeal to you in order to see whether or not you should be a woman is inherently homophobic because it suggests that if you like women, you should most likely live as a man.
Second, the assumption that if you like men, you SHOULD DEFINITELY transition, because being a man and liking men is not ok.
Third, the homophobic LIE that anal sex is any more dangerous that heterosexual sex (vaginal intercourse). By that logic, all males who are attracted to women should transition to living as lesbians and everyone attracted the men should enter priesthood or a nunnery.
It really upsets me that this kind of thinking persists even on a website DEVOTED to people who deconstruct the notions of sex and gender on a daily basis.
Quote from: Skeptical_Me on February 02, 2012, 01:01:37 PM
Now "Beverly" gives me a negative reputation, for being 'confrontational' in this thread!
(I would imagine she 'would' ...considering what small little bit I've read of her thoughts in her posts.)
Oh! I didn't know 'being confrontational' was a bad thing!
This is just plain "harassment"!
OK! I'll tell you what I'm going to do!
If nobody thinks I'm of any value here ...I don't need this, or this site, at all.
So, let's make a contest or 'game' out of it!
If in 7 days, (of this hour) my plusses don't at least equal my minuses ...I will delete my account and get out of all of your hair.
VOTING TIME!
Or the administration can ban me 'right now' and you'll all be done with me.
Alan Parsons Project Eye In The Sky (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COTR5NiHkCc&feature=related#)
Dont go just yet, i wanna know what the hell you were talking about in the prison time thread first. then you can go wherever you want.
It would be extremely worthwhile for people to read the 'rules to live by' in Susan's Announcements.
If you break those rules you will lose privileges.
This thread is locked