my text gives me both suggestions... which one is correct? what do they mean?
ummm OK so the vacant apartment right next to me got rented. I live in a triplex. well first off, I'm a 27 year old trans if you haven't read my previous complaining threats.
so a 25 year old girl, about the same height as me just moved in and she is new to the city and has totally insinuated that is cool I live next to her to have someone to hang out with.
now my mind goes in directions.
1. we become good friends, she helps me accept this trans asterix next to my name and I have a girlfriend to go out worth and we make new friends and they all know I'm trans and are on with it!
2. when she finds out I'm trans, she thinks I'm a freak and now I have to deal with a super awkward neighbor! uggh and she calls me a freak, a weirdo and makes fun of me :-(
or I avoid her and never attempt to be friends only to prevent telling her I'm a ->-bleeped-<-!
why is it that I feel the need to tell everyone I know I'm trans. like I have Ebola and they just need to be aware or something? like I bet if I hang out with this girl a bunch and don't tell her, she will get mad and be like 'how come you didn't tell me?' ugghh, I shouldn't have to tell anybody!
Personally I don't think you should have to tell anybody. I bet this other girl doesn't go around blabbing her biological history. You could try hanging out with her occasionally to try and find out what sort of person she is and goes from her.
If you do choose to be discreet she has no right to have the reaction: "Why didn't you tell me?" I highly doubt she would bring her vagina up in conversation!
I don't think you have to tell her, either, if you don't want to. It doesn't really matter to her, unless you want to move beyond 'friends'.
If you feel you absolutely have to tell her if you want to be friends with her, then I guess it's probably better that you do tell her. If she reacts well, then you have a friends, and if not... then you don't. Whereas simply not becoming friends with her would never result in becoming friends.
I support not telling her though. :)
It's neighbour, by the way - at least, unless you're American.
but for some reason I feel like people think they have a right to know if they are interacting with a transsexual. maybe its just my internal transphobia? maybe because I still think I'm a pervert for wearing girl clothes? maybe I just think purple automatically hate me first without knowing me because I'm trans? granted I know there are people on both sides... those that accept and those that hate and I'm tired of trying to determine who is who! ugggg
I can't do much more than agree with Kelly. Especially outside couple relationships, it's often much less likely than people think that people will have a negative reaction to your being trans.
And I think that for "neighbour"/"neighbor", it goes:
-Neighbor in the US
-Neighbour (preferred) or neighbor (accepted) in Canada
-Neighbour in the UK and Australia
As for telling her... No, I don't think people have a right to know they're interacting with a transsexual. If that were the case, transsexuals wouldn't exist; they'd all be transgendered/non-conforming people. Because a transsexual, by definition, wants to be a woman (for a MTF), not someone who wants to be a woman.
Personally, I think you shouldn't lie, but shouldn't say it out of the blue either. To me, going out and say "I'm a transsexual" without a reason is roughly equivalent to saying "oh, by the way, I was born with a malformation and had a tail as a baby". Resulting in a reaction of fearing you as a weird person, not because you're trans, but because you said you were. "Why on Earth did you want to tell me about your tail?" It's roughly the same.
And even if that doesn't happen, it would sound a bit like saying one of your shortcomings as the first thing on a date or job interview. "Before you decide whether you want to be my lover, you should know that I am clumsy when kissing." The heck? Well, you get the message.
Now, after the relationship develops, if a situation arises where either you really feel it's appropriate to say it or you would have to lie not to say it, tell away, but I don't think you should unless you need to, to some degree.
...Lol, Tessa stole my place with a much more concise interpretation.
Quote from: oZma on October 23, 2012, 07:07:57 PM
but for some reason I feel like people think they have a right to know if they are interacting with a transsexual. maybe its just my internal transphobia? maybe because I still think I'm a pervert for wearing girl clothes? maybe I just think purple automatically hate me first without knowing me because I'm trans? granted I know there are people on both sides... those that accept and those that hate and I'm tired of trying to determine who is who! ugggg
Screw your internal trans-phobia, it needs to die anyway! Nobody has a right to know except you and possibly your partner. And if you think a genetic male is a pervert for wearing girls clothes?... If you think Eddie Izzard is a pervert than you and me Missy are going to have words!!
Quote from: TessaM on October 23, 2012, 07:13:18 PM
You have a new friend. Dont tell her your trans. Why bother, honestly? I havent told any one of my new friends that I am trans because there is no need to. I wonder if I should ever tell some, sure, but it never dominated my thoughts. And lmao why do you feel like you should disclose that your trans, like its anyones business? I dont see girls going out one night and then one of them says something like "oh btw I had an abortion once." People would be like WTF? Just chill!
I agree...
If that's what you tell her right off the bat, that's what she's going to see you as. The longer you let her get to know you, whether she figures it out or not, the more likely that being trans is going to be a big thing in her mind while relating with you.
I'm going to play devils advocate and say tell her.
However mention it casually when getting to know her as if its no big deal. If its a big deal to you its going to be a big deal to her. Be confident in yourself and who you are and people will be more comfortable around you.
A lot of girls on here seem to think you shouldn't have to tell her, what business is it of hers, yadadada. That's all fine and dandy, but she may find out later and consider it deception on your part. We may not think its their business or a big deal but sadly that's not how the public views us.
I would say if something dealing with your past, or something like that you should just tell her about being born in a male body. That way you aren't just randomly telling her you are trans. Just my opinion.
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on October 23, 2012, 09:28:58 PM
A lot of girls on here seem to think you shouldn't have to tell her, what business is it of hers, yadadada. That's all fine and dandy, but she may find out later and consider it deception on your part. We may not think its their business or a big deal but sadly that's not how the public views us.
Using your idea that being trans is no big deal, it would make just as much sense not to tell someone because it's no big deal - it didn't come to mind. It's not deception if you didn't consider it important enough to say, and if whoever it is is going to take offence to not knowing that sort of thing, then they'll probably be oversensitive and too clingy anyway.
Quote from: Kelly J. P. on October 23, 2012, 09:47:19 PM
Using your idea that being trans is no big deal, it would make just as much sense not to tell someone because it's no big deal - it didn't come to mind. It's not deception if you didn't consider it important enough to say, and if whoever it is is going to take offence to not knowing that sort of thing, then they'll probably be oversensitive and too clingy anyway.
Well said! ;D
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on October 23, 2012, 09:28:58 PM
but she may find out later and consider it deception on your part. We may not think its their business or a big deal but sadly that's not how the public views us.
If she thinks it's deception, then she would never have viewed her as female anyways. I have found it pretty amazing how the world treats the trans women that pass as pretty much like any other female that would maybe be sterile or something. Barring dating sites, the people I run into that find out somehow have never been like "You tricked me!" They have always been "Wow... that's crazy" and continue using the right pronouns. Some even go so far as to say "Oh my God it's hard for me to believe you were EVER a guy!" ... and the intriguing questions begin (which I think one should be comfortable with too, but that is a totally different topic).
If anybody ever had the attitude that I tricked them, then they can carry themselves out of my life because I don't want somebody looking at me being trans as some sort of deception. I'm being who I am comfortable being and if that's too hard for you to conceive to the point where you take offense, then honestly you are not socially advanced enough for me to even bother with.
Quote from: oZma on October 23, 2012, 07:07:57 PM
but for some reason I feel like people think they have a right to know if they are interacting with a transsexual. maybe its just my internal transphobia? maybe because I still think I'm a pervert for wearing girl clothes? maybe I just think purple automatically hate me first without knowing me because I'm trans? granted I know there are people on both sides... those that accept and those that hate and I'm tired of trying to determine who is who! ugggg
Telling right off does not give anyone a chance to know you, to see that you are just like any other woman. Telling them right off is playing into their possible and your own transphobia. Most people fear what they do not know. Most people only know about trans folks from Jerry Springer or hookers in movies or TV.
The totally closed minded folks you will likely never change their opinions, even if they thought you were the coolest person on the planet before you told them. THe end result is the same between telling them early on, or wait untill they ask "the question" because of things they heard around.
The others, even though they might not think you are the totally coolest person but a person nevertheless will think first, Hey she is OK. I guess they all aren't all like the ones on Jerry Springer. So which person do you want them to see you as, A Springer gal or a real life gal?
The only person that has a "Right" to know, especially if you are pre-op, is a possible love interest. This old romantic would like to think that again, they got a chance to know the person before the relationship got serious.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 23, 2012, 10:16:51 PM
If she thinks it's deception, then she would never have viewed her as female anyways.
Not true. A person could simply see it as a lack of trust in not telling them. People are different and react differently. The feeling of being deceived could have nothing to do with their trans status but simply the fact they kept such a big secret from them. Always better to be up front with everybody.
I prefer people to see me and treat me as I am and I am a transgender woman and that is how I view myself. I guess if I wanted to be treated like a cis woman I could not tell people but then I would not be true to myself. The fact is, I am not a cis woman and never will be. If someone respects me enough then they should have no problem treating me like a female despite knowing I use to be male.
I guess it's a matter of opinion and how someone views themselves but I prefer being totally up front about things because I want people to accept me for what I am and not what they think I am. Also better not to leave peoples opinions up to chance. I couldn't stand building relationships with people only to lose them down the line because I wasn't up front.
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on October 23, 2012, 11:02:33 PM
I guess it's a matter of opinion and how someone views themselves but I prefer being totally up front about things because I want people to accept me for what I am and not what they think I am. Also better not to leave peoples opinions up to chance. I couldn't stand building relationships with people only to lose them down the line because I wasn't up front.
I can totally understand this point. I wish the world were a better place, allowing for such a philosophy to be more practical, because I hate thinking that someone I know might hate me if they found out I was trans - I wouldn't want to be friends with a person like that, but I would hate to lose a friend over something so petty.
Maybe she already knows. Despite all the people who write about how well the so perfectly pass and are in deep stealth, the fact is that as more people become aware then more people can tell a lot more. Kind of an expansion of the 'nobody passes in San Francisco' deal. So don't' bring it up, and if its comes up, don't lie.
Why tell? Do you plan on having an intimate relationship with her. Or is she just a friend and neighbor. There is no reason to tell anyone unless there is a chance that for a romantic relationship.
If by chance, you become BFFs, then maybe you could tell. But by then it wouldn't matter. Would you tell everyone you have a tapeworm or a UTI?
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on October 23, 2012, 11:02:33 PM
Not true. A person could simply see it as a lack of trust in not telling them. People are different and react differently. The feeling of being deceived could have nothing to do with their trans status but simply the fact they kept such a big secret from them. Always better to be up front with everybody.
I prefer people to see me and treat me as I am and I am a transgender woman and that is how I view myself. I guess if I wanted to be treated like a cis woman I could not tell people but then I would not be true to myself. The fact is, I am not a cis woman and never will be. If someone respects me enough then they should have no problem treating me like a female despite knowing I use to be male.
I guess it's a matter of opinion and how someone views themselves but I prefer being totally up front about things because I want people to accept me for what I am and not what they think I am. Also better not to leave peoples opinions up to chance. I couldn't stand building relationships with people only to lose them down the line because I wasn't up front.
I can understand where you're coming from and I definitely don't think you're doing the wrong thing. However, I simply disagree. My trans status should matter as much as somebody elses HIV status. As in, it only matters if you're sleeping with me. If somebody is going to make an ordeal over my trans status, something that doesn't effect them one way or the other, they are shallow and not worth my friendship. I believe that while there may be people out there who make a big deal about it, they are a minority from my personal experience.
Quote from: tekla on October 23, 2012, 11:14:00 PM
Maybe she already knows. Despite all the people who write about how well the so perfectly pass and are in deep stealth, the fact is that as more people become aware then more people can tell a lot more. Kind of an expansion of the 'nobody passes in San Francisco' deal. So don't' bring it up, and if its comes up, don't lie.
That's true. Now if somebody brought it up, I definitely wouldn't lie.
Quote from: tekla on October 23, 2012, 11:14:00 PM
Maybe she already knows. Despite all the people who write about how well the so perfectly pass and are in deep stealth, the fact is that as more people become aware then more people can tell a lot more. Kind of an expansion of the 'nobody passes in San Francisco' deal. So don't' bring it up, and if its comes up, don't lie.
That's what I assume for myself. No one ever asks me about it though, but I think that's mostly to do with politeness or disinterest.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 23, 2012, 11:17:47 PM
I can understand where you're coming from and I definitely don't think you're doing the wrong thing. However, I simply disagree. My trans status should matter as much as somebody elses HIV status. As in, it only matters if you're sleeping with me. If somebody is going to make an ordeal over my trans status, something that doesn't effect them one way or the other, they are shallow and not worth my friendship. I believe that while there may be people out there who make a big deal about it, they are a minority from my personal experience.
I guess we can agree to disagree.
wow, such discussion! lots of points made and I super appreciates everyone opinion. I haven't interacted with her lately but I figure I'm gonna go with the 'if it comes up' perspective. like I'm not gonna tell her just to tell right? I'm gonna play it by ear.
the two points made... one being I'm a trans women and thats who I am is how I want to live like an open book vs its nobody business and should be a non issue. this sums up my anxiety about most interaction with people... and thats before I even start to think about their potential reaction! LOL
You are a woman. You have a medical history. Does she need to know about it?
If you end up lovers it will have to be dealt with, but unless that happens I wouldn't be in a rush to out yourself. If you are straight and so is she then not an issue.
If it becomes obvious after you have been friends for a while, then you can try and set it up to break it to her in a way that is non-threatening because she will hopefully see that it is a minor detail.
I have always approached it that way; I have a minor physical anomaly and it's no big deal. It is essentially a medical situation that is being managed. Who would reject someone over a medical thing?
Karen.
You are who you are.
In my opinion, what you choose to disclose to someone is whatever you feel is appropriate at the time.
Medical conditions are, for the most part, a personal and private affair. Let's consider this - how many people have you met on a social basis told you any of these things the first time you met them (unless you're at a support group)?
- schizophrenia
- bipolar
- heart surgery/transplant
- appendix removed
To me, if we consider GID a medical condition, not an illness of the mind, then it's personal medical problem that you've addressed. The only people that need to know then would be your health care providers, and any romantic interests.
I could say more, but I'm afraid of offending people. =)
Edit: Oh, my answer to the question neighbour/neighbor. Queen's English please - neighbour!
It's not like we're dealing with family, relatives, and life-long friends that we have to come out to at some point. Neighors are detached, and they can think of me what they want as far as I'm concerned (unless they're malicious, vial, or a danger). I stopped hiding my body on the hot days in California before we left last week for a vacation, and my neighbors still talked to me and genuinely smiled.
I think I read peoples emotions and body language pretty well (most transwomen probably do), and I'm prepared for how they will react and interact with me. It may just be more important for me now because it's going to be an awful long time before I pass.
I see winter began with a bang back in California. Heavy rain and tornados in the valley, and a couple feet of snow on top the ski areas in Tahoe. Gonna be getting out the snow blower soon.
Kathy
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on October 23, 2012, 11:02:33 PM
Not true. A person could simply see it as a lack of trust in not telling them. People are different and react differently. The feeling of being deceived could have nothing to do with their trans status but simply the fact they kept such a big secret from them. Always better to be up front with everybody.
I prefer people to see me and treat me as I am and I am a transgender woman and that is how I view myself. I guess if I wanted to be treated like a cis woman I could not tell people but then I would not be true to myself. The fact is, I am not a cis woman and never will be. If someone respects me enough then they should have no problem treating me like a female despite knowing I use to be male.
I guess it's a matter of opinion and how someone views themselves but I prefer being totally up front about things because I want people to accept me for what I am and not what they think I am. Also better not to leave peoples opinions up to chance. I couldn't stand building relationships with people only to lose them down the line because I wasn't up front.
I would totally agree with you.. IF we would live in a perfect world..
Cis people expect transsexuals to be deceiving anyway.. I recently learned that. My ex boyfriend and I are still seeing each other, as friends, and I got into a fight with his new girlfriend because she hates that he still sees me and she tries to forbid him to see me. Well, that's not going to work. She has now litteraly threatened me to put my picture on facebook and tell everyone my 'secret'. Wow, what a compliment! Me being trans is not a secret, but I won't tell anyone unless it's necessary. Why? Because it just doesn't work. People don't see me as a freak or ask me stupid questions, as long as I keep my mouth shut about being trans. I feel I am being forced by society to be 'sort of stealth' but that's just the way it is if I want a 'normal' life. I really need my life to be as normal as possible and I couldn't care less about everyones opinion about transsexuals. I don't see how being open about it could work anyway because I wouldnt know where to draw the line. If I speak to someone in a bus without disclosing should I feel guilty? I deceived that person!! lol
If I would get a new neighbour I would defenately not tell them, but I would try not to stress about them finding out about it too. It's not important and not of their business unless they would pay my srs lol. A new neighbour is nothing more than a stranger, at first, and I never tell strangers I'm trans. If she already figured it out or will figure it out then I think you will be able to tell. Anyway, she's not a friend yet, just a new neighbour. Once she is a friend you could perhaps reconsider, or the 'problem' may have already been solved in the mean time. Have fun!
Quote from: vivienne on October 24, 2012, 09:06:11 AM
...My ex boyfriend and I are still seeing each other, as friends, and I got into a fight with his new girlfriend because she hates that he still sees me and she tries to forbid him to see me. Well, that's not going to work. She has now litteraly threatened me to put my picture on facebook and tell everyone my 'secret'. Wow, what a compliment!
That's exactly what happened to me. My best friend was also my boyfriend. We were so close. We were together for over 5 years. We broke up amicably. We were still friends until his new (cis) girlfriend decided to put a stop to it and threatened to out me to my colleagues if we didn't stop communicating. My ex wasn't very pleased, but he shouldn't have told her my status. Yes, he wasn't exactly pleased to be exposed as having dated a TS..
Tell a neighbour? WTH?! None of their 'f'ing business.
Quote from: oZma on October 24, 2012, 01:56:26 AM
wow, such discussion! lots of points made and I super appreciates everyone opinion. I haven't interacted with her lately but I figure I'm gonna go with the 'if it comes up' perspective. like I'm not gonna tell her just to tell right? I'm gonna play it by ear.
the two points made... one being I'm a trans women and thats who I am is how I want to live like an open book vs its nobody business and should be a non issue. this sums up my anxiety about most interaction with people... and thats before I even start to think about their potential reaction! LOL
'Play it by ear' has got to be the right thing. I mean, at this point you don't even know if you're going to be friends with this girl at all. So the very first thing is to see whether you get on as people, and then figure out whether you're just going to be good neighbours, casual friends or actual BFF girlfriends who hang out together, shop together, watch chick-flicks together, drink too much wine and check out guys together ... whatever ...
You absolutely don't need to tell her anything if you're just neighbours or casual friends. If you get close then the nature of female friendship is that girls share intimacies and secrets as a way of bonding ... at that point it's a judgement call ... But I can't see you getting to that point with her unless she seems like a nice, tolerant, board-minded girl to begin with. And if she is, then she'll be able to handle it ...
... and if she can't handle it, she was never going to be a real friend anyway.
Quote from: Tesla on October 24, 2012, 10:25:23 AM
That's exactly what happened to me. My best friend was also my boyfriend. We were so close. We were together for over 5 years. We broke up amicably. We were still friends until his new (cis) girlfriend decided to put a stop to it and threatened to out me to my colleagues if we didn't stop communicating. My ex wasn't very pleased, but he shouldn't have told her my status. Yes, he wasn't exactly pleased to be exposed as having dated a TS..
Tell a neighbour? WTH?! None of their 'f'ing business.
So did you stop communicating? I won't! This girl is muslim and still officially maried and has a child with the guy she is married to. Her family is very very religious. Having a relationship is haram (forbidden). Having sex before marriage is haram. That in combination with cheating on her husband, lying to her entire family, well, if they find out she's dead.. Guess what I threatened her with :)
Quote from: vivienne on October 24, 2012, 10:44:17 AM
So did you stop communicating? I won't! This girl is muslim and still officially maried and has a child with the guy she is married to. Her family is very very religious. Having a relationship is haram (forbidden). Having sex before marriage is haram. That in combination with cheating on her husband, lying to her entire family, well, if they find out she's dead.. Guess what I threatened her with :)
You have some good leverage. I stopped communicating because anything else was going to become very painful. It's crazy. He was such a big part of my life and the rest of the family. I don't think he could handle my pre-opness any longer. Unfortunately, he got involved with this pyscho, jealousy prone woman and then 'accidentally' got her pregnant. Because I loved him still so much, I had to let him go, completely. I still have a place for him in my heart. I know him too well. One day..
Quote from: Tesla on October 24, 2012, 11:03:26 AM
You have some good leverage. I stopped communicating because anything else was going to become very painful. It's crazy. He was such a big part of my life and the rest of the family. I don't think he could handle my pre-opness any longer. Unfortunately, he got involved with this pyscho, jealousy prone woman and then 'accidentally' got her pregnant. Because I loved him still so much, I had to let him go, completely. I still have a place for him in my heart. I know him too well. One day..
A couple of months ago I could have written what you just wrote (except the being pregnant part, as far as I know..). But then we met again, went to the movies, and before I realised it he had stayed with me for two weeks. Like nothing had changed. We didn't have sex, nore did I want to (it was because of him that I decided not to have sex at all anymore as long as I'm pre-op). During the two weeks he lied to her all the time about where he was about, making up excuses why he couldn't see her, etc.. He isn't a very trustworthy guy, but neither is she, so.. I love to have him around me though. He makes me laugh, a lot. He's great with me in public. I like taking care of him. He needs it. He loves her and I respect that. I do think she is a cheating wh*re who will never make him happy and who thinks only about herself, but it's their life.. He cheats on her too and I don't mean with me. We're basically just friends now, but with the history of our relationship. We can sleep in one bed without anything happening. He'll even j*rk off to porn 10 times with me right next to him playing wordfeud on my iphone or something. He's something else.. He's very cheeky.. His bitchfriend now found out that we are seeing each other again and she told me on the phone that she doesn't accept it. Yes, so? I won't stop seeing him unless he wants to. We're doing nothing wrong. She is.
Anyway. I feel for you. Did he want to stop seeing you? Or did she basically force him? I guess your situation was/is a little different. You still love him. I don't know if being friends would be enough for you? I also still love him, but I don't see how things could still work between us in a relationship. Sex just didn't work. He's straight and I'm pre-op. Besides that, I'm monogomous and he can't be trusted. These are good reasons for me not to want a relationship with him, but that doesn't mean that I don't want him in my life.
Quote from: Tesla on October 24, 2012, 10:25:23 AM
That's exactly what happened to me. My best friend was also my boyfriend. We were so close. We were together for over 5 years. We broke up amicably. We were still friends until his new (cis) girlfriend decided to put a stop to it and threatened to out me to my colleagues if we didn't stop communicating. My ex wasn't very pleased, but he shouldn't have told her my status. Yes, he wasn't exactly pleased to be exposed as having dated a TS..
Tell a neighbour? WTH?! None of their 'f'ing business.
She better be glad it wasn't me... I'd have told her straight up "Ok... put it out there. If that's the worst you can do to me, I'll be sure to have unprotected sex with him any time he comes over. Enjoy my ->-bleeped-<- cooties!!"
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 24, 2012, 01:58:33 PM
She better be glad it wasn't me... I'd have told her straight up "Ok... put it out there. If that's the worst you can do to me, I'll be sure to have unprotected sex with him any time he comes over. Enjoy my ->-bleeped-<- cooties!!"
LOL
I told her something really bad too: 'He loves licking my ass. I hope you will taste me each time you kiss him!'
Aiiiiii... I didn't know where that came from, lol. I'm not really that bitchy. The things she makes me say!!! :)
Quote from: vivienne on October 24, 2012, 12:13:59 PM
Anyway. I feel for you. Did he want to stop seeing you? Or did she basically force him? I guess your situation was/is a little different. You still love him. I don't know if being friends would be enough for you? I also still love him, but I don't see how things could still work between us in a relationship. Sex just didn't work. He's straight and I'm pre-op. Besides that, I'm monogomous and he can't be trusted. These are good reasons for me not to want a relationship with him, but that doesn't mean that I don't want him in my life.
He used to live with me. Being with him was like being with myself. I was that 100% comfortable with him. After he got involved with this girl, we mostly spent time on the phone or exchanged emails. We then became platonic friends.
She blackmailed him and indirectly me. Apparently, she cut to little pieces all the clothing belonging to her last boyfriend who strayed. She has no limits. Oh yes, she said she hated me. She has never met me!
I think it upset him to cut off contact with me. I had to do it to preserve my sanity and stealth. Accidentally seeing a photo of his kid did my head in for a few weeks.
The story goes on. He's still on the payroll with the company I'm a founder of. I have to remain professional and not allow these issues to become a distraction in the company. He does very good work. I just can't have personal contact with him. He teleworks now from a different continent, where his girlfriend lives. I sometimes hear his voice in phone conferences in the board room. Not a good feeling. Could write a book. Must compartmentalise now.
Yes, be careful with who you tell, unless you're 100% comfortable being out.