I'm 26 and have spent my entire life as female...I have always known I was different, but I have been denying it, or not really paying attention to it....but recently, I think I have started to accept that I'm not really female...but maybe I am?? It's been so many years, and I'm not sure what to think...how does one find out for sure if they are trans? I'm so confused right now...A couple of years ago, I went through a period of a few months presenting as male, but I looked like a 13 year old boy and it completely messed my head up even more...back then the idea of trans people was new to me, and now I am hearing about HRT that will help me look like a man instead of a boy(I have a baby face)...but how can I know for sure that this is what I want? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated...
Hi Jason,
First to answer your threads title. You're NEVER too old to do anything. Secondly, to answer your posts question, "How do you find out if you're trans." Simple; find good gender therapist and together you'll discover something more valuable than gold. YOU.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
that's a good idea. Where do I find one? I must say that this is getting a lot easier since I have moved to a new city and have met a few trans people who are now wonderful friends....it's not so scary anymore you know?
There are people older than you on this forum who are transitioning and quite happy with it. IMO you don't need to be sure, you just need to think it will most likely make your life better and be willing to accept the risks. Of course, you don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with or don't want.
If you go on testosterone most notably you'll eventually start growing facial hair- maybe even enough for a beard- and your voice will drop. It's obviously not possible to predict the exact results but if you have a low voice and/or facial hair that will go a long way towards people seeing you as a man. But I'll let someone who's actually been in your position answer in more detail.
Quote from: Jason.Bailey on November 08, 2012, 07:11:34 AM
that's a good idea. Where do I find one? I must say that this is getting a lot easier since I have moved to a new city and have met a few trans people who are now wonderful friends....it's not so scary anymore you know?
You could do a google search, ask around support groups, or ask for a referral from someone. Ultimately a gender therapist won't be able to tell you anything about yourself that you can't tell but they will have at least met a lot of trans people and talked to them about their lives. Some people find it helpful.
You'll probably have to see a therapist for at least three months before you're allowed to start testosterone anyway. This is unless you can find an "informed consent" clinic... easy if you're in a major city, maybe hard if you're not.
I agree you're never too old. I'm 28 and just now starting my FtM transition and I feel great! A couple people in my local support group are much older than me(50s!) and just starting and they say it's the best thing they ever did.
Definitely talk to a therapist and I'd also suggest looking at transgender support groups in your area. I've found that most LGBT centers have one that happens fairly regularly that you should be able to call and ask about. I know that's easier said than done, it took me a couple months to work up the courage to do but I haven't felt this good in years.
From here it's all up to you. The world is your oyster all it takes is for you to feel yourself out and decide what YOU need to do to be happy and healthy, even if that turns out to be choosing only to recognize that it's okay to feel the way you do.
Keep your chin up.
I have actually just googled and emailed a gender therapist in my city. Hopefully that will help point me in the right direction. I have always been a part of the LGBT community, so I think finding a support group might be a little easier to find...all I know is that I have started to wear mens clothes again, and I feel a lot more comfortable then I have in a long while...thank you all for your support and advice :-*
Quote from: Jason.Bailey on November 08, 2012, 07:22:36 AM
I have actually just googled and emailed a gender therapist in my city. Hopefully that will help point me in the right direction. I have always been a part of the LGBT community, so I think finding a support group might be a little easier to find...all I know is that I have started to wear mens clothes again, and I feel a lot more comfortable then I have in a long while...thank you all for your support and advice :-*
Don't be afraid to look for another therapist if you aren't totally happy. There's a world of difference in my first therapist and my current one. As an example the first guy actually asked me on the first day if I planned to get breast implants. It's like "Uhhhh I'll cross that bridge when I get to it." My second one asked me if I had ever thought about shaving my legs. ::)
Little less invasive.
lol ya....like I'm not sure if I'd appreciate someone asking me if I want surgery to remove my breasts lol...it's a little too soon for that I think
Quote from: Carbon on November 08, 2012, 07:56:36 AM
As an example the first guy actually asked me on the first day if I planned to get breast implants. It's like "Uhhhh I'll cross that bridge when I get to it." My second one asked me if I had ever thought about shaving my legs.
No therapist has ever asked me anything like this. They have all asked me what I need to do to achieve my goals.
BTW, for the OP - you think you are too old to transition at 26? I am nearly double your age and if you want to go FTM then in one respect to have it easy because testosterone will make you more passable with no effort on your part than oestrogen makes MTFs. Of course, we have less surgery so I guess it all balances out.
Quote from: bev2 on November 08, 2012, 08:21:03 AM
No therapist has ever asked me anything like this. They have all asked me what I need to do to achieve my goals.
Well the first guy was an older man so he was very "old school," what I imagine being common 20-30 years ago. He was very nice and meant well but there were a lot of things like this and he had all these entrenched beliefs that didn't necessarily apply to my life. There's no reason to put up with this stuff though (even if the therapist is nice! you're paying for a service, not trying to make friends) unless you're in a REALLY small area, even then you could drive an hour to somewhere else and make the visits twice a month instead of weekly (assuming one can drive at all/would have gone weekly in the first place).
I'm happy for you if you've been luckier than me. I've had a lot of bad experiences with therapists even before talking about gender stuff so I know bad things can happen, but the individual therapist makes a big difference.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on November 08, 2012, 09:21:08 AM
I think you are never too old to act on your feelings, but I also think if you make it to 26 without any real problems living as a female then you really have to ask yourself if a desperate measure like transition is really going to be worth it for you. It is not right for everyone so you really need to be honest with yourself when searching for an answer.
I made it to 48 as a male and transition is still right for me, so I disagree very strongly with your point of view.
Don't give up on life and happiness at the tender age of 26. There is just too much life infront of you.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on November 08, 2012, 09:21:08 AM
I think you are never too old to act on your feelings, but I also think if you make it to 26 without any real problems living as a female then you really have to ask yourself if a desperate measure like transition is really going to be worth it for you. It is not right for everyone so you really need to be honest with yourself when searching for an answer.
Good luck.. :)
To me transition is not a desperate measure. I want to transition because simply I want to. Of course I thought about the pros and cons. I think its worth it. I don't really have problem living as my born gender.
Jason,
I was 38 when I realized I wasn't really a guy and started transitioning when I was 41. I'm 43 now and have been living "full time" for about a year now.
Pish-posh. You are just a babe in the woods. I transition at 54. You are never too old, if it makes you happy.
thanks everyone for all your opinions...either way, i want to be sure that it's the right path for me, but things are really starting to add up and make sense in my mind. At any rate, all your inputs are very helpful 8)
What did you say was too old-- 26? We have a fb group of transmen over 40 with I think maybe 15+ members. Half the guys in the ftm support group are over 35 (with some late transitions). We have people who are transitioning post menopausal.
Live your life. Your slightly more mature pov should help you in some ways.
--Jay J
Quote from: Jason.Bailey on November 08, 2012, 07:11:34 AM
that's a good idea. Where do I find one?
Hi Jason,
Go to the following link and if you take the selection "List of Therapists" it will open a page that should give all the info you need.
https://www.susans.org/Healthcare/Therapists_and_Counselors/ (https://www.susans.org/Healthcare/Therapists_and_Counselors/)
Glad to hear your move has worked out well for you. Depending where your journey takes you, make sure you look after these new found friends, as I'm sure they will look after you.
Let us know how you went and are coping.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
CAtherine
Hello Janet,
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on November 08, 2012, 10:59:47 AM
Pish-posh. You are just a babe in the woods. I transition at 54. You are never too old, if it makes you happy.
Transitioned at 54 'A?' Whose the babe in the woods NOW?
And keep away from my profile !!! :police: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Huggs
Catherine
Age should not be a big consideration, there are transguys transitioning at young and old age. Getting a good therapist is one of the first things you should do. You will not start hrt's - T - immediately but the effects are big once you do start. I hope to start soon and am looking forward to my last monthly bleeding.
Wow. i really neded to read all of this to help me understand more and be supportive of my friend who is 38 and beginning transition. Thank you! and yes it is never too late to be YOU!
thank you Catherine :) the closest therapist seems to be in Toronto so far...I'll keep looking though because this is very important :)
you all are so helpful and supportive!! :-*
Dear Jason,
Thank you very much. You are most welcome. Support and assistance is just like breathing. It comes as part and parcel of being in Susan's family. A family of choice.
I hope you find a good therapist. The YOU, a good therapist can help you find, is absolutely priceless.
Huggs
Catherine
ok...therapist..first step...I'm making an appointment tomorrow...wish me luck! :)
Congratulations! <3
Quote from: Jason.Bailey on November 09, 2012, 03:11:34 AM
ok...therapist..first step...I'm making an appointment tomorrow...wish me luck! :)
Good luck!
good luck with the therapist
Quote from: Jason.Bailey on November 08, 2012, 02:22:49 PM
i want to be sure that it's the right path for me, but things are really starting to add up and make sense in my mind. At any rate, all your inputs are very helpful 8)
there is no age that is "too old" to get to know your real self. if things are starting to add up in your mind, then chances are you've made a significant discovery. it will take a lot of pondering and self exploration to get sure of where you really want to go with this, but when you figure out something that really clicks with you, there's no reason to dismiss it just because you didn't realize earlier. some truths are discovered as you grow older and become more of yourself and less of other people's expectations.
Quote from: Taka on November 09, 2012, 03:28:21 AM
good luck with the therapist
there is no age that is "too old" to get to know your real self. if things are starting to add up in your mind, then chances are you've made a significant discovery. it will take a lot of pondering and self exploration to get sure of where you really want to go with this, but when you figure out something that really clicks with you, there's no reason to dismiss it just because you didn't realize earlier. some truths are discovered as you grow older and become more of yourself and less of other people's expectations.
Thanks Taka...yes, things are beginning to add up and make sense in my mind...I don't remember much of my childhood because of some pretty bad stuff that happened, but the things I do remember, all seem to have something to do with gender and the typical "roles" specifically for the child of that gender...plus, a few years ago, I did present as male for a few months, and all my friends say I'm "one of the guys" mostly because of my personality and how I naturally interact with the male population...and when I dress the part, i feel a sense of freedom and peacefulness that I don't feel when I'm dressed as a girl..if that makes sense? But parts of me are still hanging on to feminine aspects...could it be that I'm male, but gay? I don't really know...
it does make sense, jason. actually when it comes to making sense it's more important that it makes sense to you than to anyone else. i can't make sense of most girls, but they still exist. just like you are who you are, even though it might be hard to find other people who get you. it's perfectly possible that you are a gay guy. but you might also be a straight or bisexual guy who just likes feminine things. and some of the feminine aspects you cling to might be things you learned to cling to in order to appear more convincingly feminine, or attributes you love to see in other women and also want to apply to yourself because you've learned that you should be like them. there are many possible answers, and as you keep exploring, i'm sure you'll figure them out. i haven't figured out half of myself yet, and i'm hoping a gender therapist can help me with this soon, so i can find the best way to become more like myself.
ya...im going to see a gender therapist next week, and i'm really hoping he can help me be more me...my new boyfriend is also trans and is very supportive and understanding, and so is my ex girlfriend, also trans...so i have a lot of supports which i'm very thankful for....and what you are saying makes a lot of sense as well.
At 26 I was ending my second 6 month max transition experiment. My third time at resolving my demons started 3 years ago at 53 and still ongoing.
Before I had a need to find a gender therapist it would have been easy for my. I lived right outside NYC. Unfortunately I was in rural West Virginia when the excrement hit the air handler. I spent about 4 months of fruitless Google searches in ever expanding radiuses from home. The absolute best thing to come from that was finding the only "local" TG support group. Local being 90 miles away.
Physchology Today has a Doc Finder with a search term for Gender. It did turn up some "locals", some 90 miles away.
Most of the guys on youtube are super young, but there are exceptions. There is a collab channel called (hate the name!)"It's a Man's World" (yikes). OTOH, it's pretty good and all the guys are over 30. I am way way over that.
There is a ftm forum here. You might try posting who here started transition over 25. You might be very surprised.
BTW, there are no rules on how you present. Presentation is gender presentation not gender. Plenty of guys in my support group are gay or appear gay and are not. It's actually pretty common as we were all socialized as female. I am guessing I am going to appear gay, and who know.
--Jay J
Jason, I discovered that I'm trans wwhen I wwas fifty-six (I'm 64 now). I know of folks who transitioned in their sixties and seventies. You're not too young to explore who you are. I'm stilll exploring.
I am 26 and just started to look for answers to my issues with gender
My doctor said there is no full proof way to find out no test Can give you a solid answer
Good look on finding out
Quote from: andy_pap on November 12, 2012, 06:49:42 PM
I am 26 and just started to look for answers to my issues with gender
My doctor said there is no full proof way to find out no test Can give you a solid answer
Good look on finding out
Try this: http://gendertest.weebly.com/index.html (http://gendertest.weebly.com/index.html)
The point is, if you think you are then you probably are.
I recall someone asking, Is it not a pretty major step to take, only to find you've made a mistake?
The answer is, that major step, is a long journey. You won't get there over night. It takes years.
The proof, is the numbers who claim to change their minds after is astonishly small. And, as significant, the numbers who either change their minds early on, or who decide they don't need to go the full route, are the vast majority.
Me for example.
Hay that link just brings you back here
Quote from: andy_pap on November 13, 2012, 10:43:49 AM
Hay that link just brings you back here
If you click yes. Of course it does. Where else would anyone with a gender identity problem go? :angel:
DrBecky.com/therapists.html is a site listing GID experienced therapists. There are people in every state and most good sized cities.
Check the site to see if anyone is near you. You could also visit any support groups in your area. People there will know about anyone near you.
Hope this is helpful.
Patty_M
Quote from: Jason.Bailey on November 08, 2012, 07:11:34 AM
that's a good idea. Where do I find one? I must say that this is getting a lot easier since I have moved to a new city and have met a few trans people who are now wonderful friends....it's not so scary anymore you know?
Quote from: spacial on November 13, 2012, 03:23:14 AM
Try this: http://gendertest.weebly.com/index.html (http://gendertest.weebly.com/index.html)
haha, this one's great!
if you think you have a problem, you probably do. but it's still worth taking the time to identify the root of the problem, so you can deal with it in the way that's best for you.
As others have pointed out, therapy still remains the crucial point in allowing subconscious feelings to surface and clarity to arrive. However, your OP thoughts point at a clear case of ->-bleeped-<-. Wanting to correct the image of an Avatar we occupy to better reflect inner being!
Good Luck dude, Inna :)
Everyone finds them self at a different time. These are not easy questions, but they can be easy answers. ;)
Be sure it is what you want.