Hey can anybody help me, I can't handle the fact that I am a transsexual, it is tearing me up inside. I am going to go to the doctors but anyone got any advice for what I can do in the mean time?
This is tearing me apart!!!
Hey, don't worry. There is nothing wrong with being trans. You don't have to identify as trans unless you feel it's right.
Everyone here goes through some sort of internal conflict about this at some point. It took me years to discover transsexualism existed, and a few more years after that to reach the conclusion that it was something that applied to me. It didn't make me happy to know it; it didn't make things easy - but it's a fact and I can't change it. All we can do is find ways to live with it.
It might help people help you if you went into more detail. What is it in particular about being trans that is causing you so much unhappiness? Maybe we can help you. : )
Hi,
Nothing wrong in being transgender, I can assure you it is perfectly normal. It isn't odd, it isn't a mental condition it just is. I'm transgender, have been all my life. I'm a very normal healthy woman.
Well my 'normality' might be argued about by most of the members ::) but you know what I mean :laugh:
So why don't you tell us a bit more about what is worrying you?
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 02:56:22 AM
Hi,
Nothing wrong in being transgender, I can assure you it is perfectly normal. It isn't odd, it isn't a mental condition it just is. I'm transgender, have been all my life. I'm a very normal healthy woman.
Well my 'normality' might be argued about by most of the members ::) but you know what I mean :laugh:
So why don't you tell us a bit more about what is worrying you?
Cindy
Thank you for your replies both of you.
I just hate being trans, I wish I could be cisgendered. I am gonna lose everything and I am going to have to make myself into a woman and it all frigging sucks. I am hopefully going to call a helpline later if I can muster up the courage to do so.
I just hate my trans truth. I discovered I was transsexual last year, before that I had no idea whatsoever that I was a woman. It has torn my world apart and I have no support network and even other transsexuals turn away helping me in chat rooms and other websites so I feel completely alone, not even my own kind can accept me.
I just hate what I am going through, it is horrid and horrible and it is ruining my life.
I am going to lose my family and my godson, my godson I love more than anything in the world and I am never going to see him again. Who is going to let a trans girl around their kid? Well some people would but my family won't :( :( :(
You never know what may you lose and what you may gain.
I was totally and completely certain that I would lose my job, my friends (few that I had) my family, my life, respect standing everything.
In the end I also knew that if I didn't deal with my issues I would lose my life. I was already drinking a bottle of whiskey a night, sometimes more. My chances survival was not good.
In the end I lost one thing, Mr Whiskey left the room. Work greeted me with open arms, my family took it all in stride, my friends have multiplied a hundred fold. I now have respect, I now have standing.
I now have a life.
You never know what you will gain and you never know what you will lose.
It doesn't matter how much you beg not to be transgender, it doesn't go away so we deal with it.
And your own kind do accept you. We accept you, you are part of Susan's family and we are here for you.
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 03:24:30 AM
You never know what may you lose and what you may gain.
I was totally and completely certain that I would lose my job, my friends (few that I had) my family, my life, respect standing everything.
In the end I also knew that if I didn't deal with my issues I would lose my life. I was already drinking a bottle of whiskey a night, sometimes more. My chances survival was not good.
In the end I lost one thing, Mr Whiskey left the room. Work greeted me with open arms, my family took it all in stride, my friends have multiplied a hundred fold. I now have respect, I now have standing.
I now have a life.
You never know what you will gain and you never know what you will lose.
It doesn't matter how much you beg not to be transgender, it doesn't go away so we deal with it.
And your own kind do accept you. We accept you, you are part of Susan's family and we are here for you.
Cindy
It is great that you have had such a positive reaction to your transition and packed in the whiskey.
I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this, I can't cope, it really sucks :)
Thank you for being so supportive!
I just don't know what to do anymore
Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 03:07:57 AM
Thank you for your replies both of you.
I just hate being trans, I wish I could be cisgendered. I am gonna lose everything and I am going to have to make myself into a woman and it all frigging sucks. I am hopefully going to call a helpline later if I can muster up the courage to do so.
I just hate my trans truth. I discovered I was transsexual last year, before that I had no idea whatsoever that I was a woman. It has torn my world apart and I have no support network and even other transsexuals turn away helping me in chat rooms and other websites so I feel completely alone, not even my own kind can accept me.
I just hate what I am going through, it is horrid and horrible and it is ruining my life.
I am going to lose my family and my godson, my godson I love more than anything in the world and I am never going to see him again. Who is going to let a trans girl around their kid? Well some people would but my family won't :( :( :(
No one here will turn you away. I will beat them if they try. >:-)
Seriously, accepting and embracing your trans feelings is not easy. It takes time. Hell, I'm still going through the acceptance phase to some degree, and I'm already on my way. Relax and remember that you are normal. Sure you deviate from the norm a bit, but everyone does to some degree. Geddy Lee said that so must be true. :D
Have you considered a gender therapist or going to a support group? That might help. And please keep asking questions and participating here. You'll start to realize there is a whole community of normal people who are going through the same stuff. It's been a godsend to me, and I bet it will help as well.
Take care and don't let it all get to you.
I think almost everyone would be cis if they could - nobody choses to have these feelings. The only thing we can chose is whether or not to act on them.
There is no pressure to transition if you don't feel it's right for you right now. In fact, there are trans people here who live perfectly well without doing so. You can always wait until a better time in your life for it.
On the other hand I totally get how horrible and frustrating it is to have to live in a body that feels so uncomfortable. Sometimes things just have to change, no matter what.
It's a sad truth, but, if you feel your family will never accept you for who you are, you may have to either chose between family and fact, or make some sort of compromise. It's painful, I know, but life is like that.
You don't have to worry about people turning their backs on you here. Susan's is an incredibly welcoming and comforting place. We're all here for you - all you need to do is ask and people will swarm to support you. You are not alone in this.
Hey, if things are not so good right now, at least you're able to do something about it. You have a choice! :)
You can never know how they'll react until you tell them. You can probe them about matters like this, trying to gage their feelings towards it before you come out, but in the end, if you decide to be who you need to be, there's going to have to be a leap of faith.
Even if the reaction isn't perfect at first, give things time and most people will try to adapt. If they care for you at all then they can never wholeheartedly reject you, no matter what they say. It doesn't change who you are and you shouldn't have to live a lie because of other peoples' narrow-mindedness.
Things will get better. We're here for you.
Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 03:34:53 AM
It is great that you have had such a positive reaction to your transition and packed in the whiskey.
I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this, I can't cope, it really sucks :)
Thank you for being so supportive!
I just don't know what to do anymore
As LTL said have you got a therapist as yet?
They do help, they help a lot. You can talk to them about all the stuff and they can help guide you through everything. To be honest I don't know how I would have coped without my therapist. He was wonderful in every way, suggestions on coping, life, dealing with the crap. Finally how to get documents changed etc.
Where are you BTW? I'm in Australia and can help with guide you to people here, but not so much in other countries.
Oh and as LTL also said, you are safe here, no one will abandon you, we care about you and you are a new sister who is joining us on a rather exciting journey. We are here to help.
Oh and of course like in a lot of female parties we chat we argue we laugh and we cry, but we accept with open hearts and arms.
So get used to being among friends!
Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 03:54:46 AM
As LTL said have you got a therapist as yet?
They do help, they help a lot. You can talk to them about all the stuff and they can help guide you through everything. To be honest I don't know how I would have coped without my therapist. He was wonderful in every way, suggestions on coping, life, dealing with the crap. Finally how to get documents changed etc.
Where are you BTW? I'm in Australia and can help with guide you to people here, but not so much in other countries.
Oh and as LTL also said, you are safe here, no one will abandon you, we care about you and you are a new sister who is joining us on a rather exciting journey. We are here to help.
Oh and of course like in a lot of female parties we chat we argue we laugh and we cry, but we accept with open hearts and arms.
So get used to being among friends!
Thanks Cindy, you are a star! I live in the UK but would love to visit Australia, it seems like a great country lol
I don't have a therapist yet, I am scared. I tried a helpline earlier today but I hung up before they answered, I don't want anyone to hear me talking about it.
Well, we have plenty of UK people here, myself included. So please feel free to ask us anything; many of us have been through this already so we understand where you're coming from.
There are a couple of regional trans* support groups, some of them are very good. If you do decide to ring them, please bear in mind that the people in these groups have been where you are right now: every single one of them had to come out to themselves at some stage and figure out what their trans feelings meant so you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to give your name, age or location so you can call them in complete confidence. Their members are in varying stages of transition (and some members may not be able to transition at all) so don't worry about how you currently look or sound: they've been there & done that so please don't be nervous.
If you want to be helped by an NHS Gender Therapist the best thing to do is to go to your GP and ask them to refer you directly to a Gender Clinic. There are several in the UK: London, Sheffield, Leeds, Sunderland, Nottingham, Norwich, Exeter, Glasgow and Belfast - but sadly, none in Wales. If you're in Scotland, you can refer yourself to the Sandyford in Glasgow without even seeing your GP first. Some of these clinics have very long queues (London for example) but some have shorter queues (Sheffield and Exeter). You have the right to request treatment at any of these clinics; it doesn't have to be your closest one. Let me know if you want any more info or contact details for the clinics.
If you're able & willing to go private there are some private Gender Therapists available, most notably in London. They tend to cost something in the region of £150-£200 per session but generally have a waiting time of just a few weeks before your first appointment, instead of a couple of months at the quicker NHS clinics.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 27, 2013, 04:29:15 AM
Well, we have plenty of UK people here, myself included. So please feel free to ask us anything; many of us have been through this already so we understand where you're coming from.
There are a couple of regional trans* support groups, some of them are very good. If you do decide to ring them, please bear in mind that the people in these groups have been where you are right now: every single one of them had to come out to themselves at some stage and figure out what their trans feelings meant so you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to give your name, age or location so you can call them in complete confidence. Their members are in varying stages of transition (and some members may not be able to transition at all) so don't worry about how you currently look or sound: they've been there & done that so please don't be nervous.
If you want to be helped by an NHS Gender Therapist the best thing to do is to go to your GP and ask them to refer you directly to a Gender Clinic. There are several in the UK: London, Sheffield, Leeds, Sunderland, Nottingham, Norwich, Exeter, Glasgow and Belfast - but sadly, none in Wales. If you're in Scotland, you can refer yourself to the Sandyford in Glasgow without even seeing your GP first. Some of these clinics have very long queues (London for example) but some have shorter queues (Sheffield and Exeter). You have the right to request treatment at any of these clinics; it doesn't have to be your closest one. Let me know if you want any more info or contact details for the clinics.
If you're able & willing to go private there are some private Gender Therapists available, most notably in London. They tend to cost something in the region of £150-£200 per session but generally have a waiting time of just a few weeks before your first appointment, instead of a couple of months at the quicker NHS clinics.
Thank you for your help! you rock!
Luckily I live near Exeter so I am glad it has shorter queues! 150-200 is pricey so I think I will stick to the NHS :P
I still have a lot of fear about the whole thing and I still can't fully handle being trans. It has well and truly rocked my world like nothing else has done before.
I just don't know what to do.
I don't know if I'm ready to tell my doctor yet, it seems like a big step.
do you know any good helplines? I tried london lesbian and gay switchboard thingy?
I'll leave this to the UK boys and gals.
I did come from Liverpool many years ago!!!!
I'm a West Country boy myself. Ooh arr. ;)
Well, you're lucky you're near Exeter because that's one of the best clinics in the country. They're very much patient-led, so they won't rush you into anything... but more importantly, they won't make you wait ridiculously long periods for treatment once you've made up your mind about what you want to do.
The Exeter NHS clinic is The Laurels, 11-15 Dix's Field, Exeter EX1 1QA, Telephone: 01392 677077. They're very friendly and I'm sure they'd be happy to take your call if you wanted to make a general enquiry. You do need a referral from your GP if you want to be treated there, but they're very easy-going and generous with their time.
Waiting times for a first appointment at The Laurels are currently between 3-6 months, after which you have three assessments with a Gender Therapist who will ask you about your life, your history, how you feel now, where you would like to go in the future. This assessment is to determine whether you have Gender Dysphoria, but more importantly it is to help you figure out what (if anything) you need to do. After they've completed the assessment they'll discuss treatment options with you (if appropriate) but crucially, you won't have to undertake any treatment if you're not ready for it. So for example, if they find you do have GD but you choose not to undergo treatment right now because of any complications in your personal life, they'll allow you to defer your treatment until you're ready. If you do decide to go see them, you'll be surprised at how relaxed an atmosphere they have, and how friendly the staff and patients are.
The Laurels advertise in their reception some patient support groups that (I believe) have been set up by previous and current patients, including at least one Facebook group I know of. Why not give them a ring and ask them for the details of any local support groups?
They also suggest ringing the LGBT Helpline, 0800 612 3010, or if you would prefer to make your initial contact by email, try helpline@intercomtrust.org.uk - this is an Exeter-based confidential helpline and advocacy service that should hopefully be able to give you information about local support in the South West.
You could also try the LGBT Collective, which is a central point for info on LGBT groups & projects throughout the South West. 01392 201012 or email admin@lgbtcollective.org.uk
Good luck. :)
I'm from down south in the UK as well, in Dorset. Apparently there are a few more of us down here than I first thought. Nice to meet you! : )
Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 03:07:57 AM
I just hate being trans...
Somehow I doubt that you'll find anyone who was happy upon finding or discovering that they were transgendered.
It is neither a death sentence nor is there any one solution on how to handle it. Not everyone transitions to living full-time as a woman. Many, such as myself, find ways to cope without transition. Every decision in life has a cost. Transition carries many. It can also be a far greater value vs other choices. Only you can decided that.
The greatest cost of not confronting (or accepting) being trans is loosing yourself, your soul, your life. Over many years that is what happened to me. I became a machine. Some facade of a man with no joy, no hopes, no wishes, and just a dream I forsaken decades earlier
Quote from: Lajs on August 27, 2013, 05:24:35 AM
I'm from down south in the UK as well, in Dorset. Apparently there are a few more of us down here than I first thought. Nice to meet you! : )
OK I'm going to do it. ' Oooh aree a niceeee sider is good for you'
Hee heee
I did a barge trip on the Norfolk Broads 40 year ago!
That must give me some qualifications!!!
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 05:57:02 AM
OK I'm going to do it. ' Oooh aree a niceeee sider is good for you'
Arr... that it be, moi love... that it be. Oi loves a good soider, Oi does. ;D
Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 05:57:02 AM
I did a barge trip on the Norfolk Broads 40 year ago!
Naarfulk? Yeh wanna be darn in Saarfulk ba. Oi'll gi' yeh some praaper soider.
Seeing this is a wealth of Devon knowledge, I saw somewhere that the Laurels was looking at getting permission to start seeing people from 17 and up, does anyone know anything about that? I'm not sure how reliable that source was, or how old it was though.
It's a big step, and it's normal for your world to feel rocked by it, and there's a lot of things to take into consideration, but it doesn't all have to be done at once. Take your time, there's plenty of it. I've not been to a GIC, but a couple of years ago I did go and talk to my GP about it (in between slagging off my shrink which I thought was a more productive way to waste his time) and there was no pressure into doing anything at all. Obviously all GPs are different, and I was quite lucky in that mine knew about trans people, but it won't harm to go and talk to him. They're not going to force you to do anything, or even get a GIC referral if you aren't ready yet.
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 27, 2013, 10:00:37 AM
Seeing this is a wealth of Devon knowledge, I saw somewhere that the Laurels was looking at getting permission to start seeing people from 17 and up, does anyone know anything about that? I'm not sure how reliable that source was, or how old it was though.
According to the new NHS guidelines:
Quote
At present specialist gender identity development services for children and young people under 18 are available through the Gender Identity Development Service at The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, London, and their satellite clinics in Exeter and Leeds. Children and young people should contact their GP in the first instance and thereafter may be referred to the Gender Identity Development Service at The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, London.
Teenagers who are 17 years of age or older may be seen in Adult Gender Clinic. They are entitled to consent to their own treatment and follow the standard adult protocol, and this consent cannot be overruled by their parents.
Take it one step at a time. Get through today, tomorrow will come in due time. First try to accept yourself for what you are. Don't worry about what others think, that will come out in it's own time make sure you are ok first.
Find something that relaxes you and do it, for me it is sitting by myself with a can of coke or even going for a walk. Once you find something to relax you then do it often, if your full of anxiety or really stressed out then you need to find a way to calm yourself.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 27, 2013, 05:12:14 AM
I'm a West Country boy myself. Ooh arr. ;)
Well, you're lucky you're near Exeter because that's one of the best clinics in the country. They're very much patient-led, so they won't rush you into anything... but more importantly, they won't make you wait ridiculously long periods for treatment once you've made up your mind about what you want to do.
The Exeter NHS clinic is The Laurels, 11-15 Dix's Field, Exeter EX1 1QA, Telephone: 01392 677077. They're very friendly and I'm sure they'd be happy to take your call if you wanted to make a general enquiry. You do need a referral from your GP if you want to be treated there, but they're very easy-going and generous with their time.
Waiting times for a first appointment at The Laurels are currently between 3-6 months, after which you have three assessments with a Gender Therapist who will ask you about your life, your history, how you feel now, where you would like to go in the future. This assessment is to determine whether you have Gender Dysphoria, but more importantly it is to help you figure out what (if anything) you need to do. After they've completed the assessment they'll discuss treatment options with you (if appropriate) but crucially, you won't have to undertake any treatment if you're not ready for it. So for example, if they find you do have GD but you choose not to undergo treatment right now because of any complications in your personal life, they'll allow you to defer your treatment until you're ready. If you do decide to go see them, you'll be surprised at how relaxed an atmosphere they have, and how friendly the staff and patients are.
The Laurels advertise in their reception some patient support groups that (I believe) have been set up by previous and current patients, including at least one Facebook group I know of. Why not give them a ring and ask them for the details of any local support groups?
They also suggest ringing the LGBT Helpline, 0800 612 3010, or if you would prefer to make your initial contact by email, try helpline@intercomtrust.org.uk - this is an Exeter-based confidential helpline and advocacy service that should hopefully be able to give you information about local support in the South West.
You could also try the LGBT Collective, which is a central point for info on LGBT groups & projects throughout the South West. 01392 201012 or email admin@lgbtcollective.org.uk
Good luck. :)
Thank you for your extremely useful post! I have e-mailed the 2 groups.
I'm not sure if I am ready to ring the gender clinic or tell the doctor yet though. It is still all a lot for me to take in.
You're welcome. :)
Good luck with the groups. Take all the time you need to think things through and if you do decide to take things further, at least you now have some idea of what to expect. We'll be here for you, every step of the way, if you need us.
I've now saved that document. Seriously you've cheered up my awful night! God I wish I knew about that sooner.
I wish is was cis too. I talk to some Cis males and females and they think very differently on some things. I prefer the way I see things.
I am not cis and I went to pieces 8 months ago after a life of trying to cope, then therapy and transition my way (we are all unique). I am just now feeling pretty good about myself and being trans*. Even showed my wife my body last week (2nd time in 23 years) and I may again tonight :)
I am queer, Bi and trans*, told my boss, HR, Ops Manager, compensation, wife, old professional coach and a bunch of health professionals. I will come out in total May 28, 2014.
The next 20 years are for me, selfish yes and there is nothing wrong about being selfish about your identity that is bad.
Welcome to Susan's Place. We are a pretty accepting group. I for one have very few filters.
Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 01:20:22 AM
Hey can anybody help me, I can't handle the fact that I am a transsexual, it is tearing me up inside. I am going to go to the doctors but anyone got any advice for what I can do in the mean time?
This is tearing me apart!!!
It starts with self-acceptance. The work from there.
Quote from: Jamie D on August 27, 2013, 06:11:00 PM
It starts with self-acceptance. The work from there.
This is the biggie.. Without self acceptance, you won't get anywhere..
At one time, I might have thought this to be rare and weird and people who are trans to be somehow off in some way. Thru my real life trans center and here, I have pretty much learned this is absolutely not the case. Some of the most together people I know are trans. I don't think it's so rare either as they used to think. I am MUCH more together myself since I have figured this out to a large extent, have more self-confidence, and know who I am.
I don't wish I were cis. I kind of wish I had known earlier, but there's not too much I could do about this so I don't waste much time on it.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on August 29, 2013, 12:18:15 PM
At one time, I might have thought this to be rare and weird and people who are trans to be somehow off in some way. Thru my real life trans center and here, I have pretty much learned this is absolutely not the case. Some of the most together people I know are trans. I don't think it's so rare either as they used to think. I am MUCH more together myself since I have figured this out to a large extent, have more self-confidence, and know who I am.
I don't wish I were cis. I kind of wish I had known earlier, but there's not too much I could do about this so I don't waste much time on it.
--Jay
Aww, it is god that you are together and know yourself! *High 5 to you* woooooo
Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 04:09:55 AM
I don't have a therapist yet, I am scared. I tried a helpline earlier today but I hung up before they answered, I don't want anyone to hear me talking about it.
If you're worried about being overheard on the phone then use the pm service on here to discuss your problems with one of the members or admin that you trust, i've been helping someone on here over the last year this way, he doesn't want family overhearing phone conversations so all he needs to do is send me a text & I jump online to have a chat.
It's not healthy to bottle up negative emotions, I used to & it led to me spending the last year on anti depressants.
You also said about "having" to change, you only have to do what you feel comfortable with & seeing a gender therapist can help you to work out what will be right for you.
Quote from: Jayne on August 29, 2013, 01:14:53 PM
If you're worried about being overheard on the phone then use the pm service on here to discuss your problems with one of the members or admin that you trust, i've been helping someone on here over the last year this way, he doesn't want family overhearing phone conversations so all he needs to do is send me a text & I jump online to have a chat.
It's not healthy to bottle up negative emotions, I used to & it led to me spending the last year on anti depressants.
You also said about "having" to change, you only have to do what you feel comfortable with & seeing a gender therapist can help you to work out what will be right for you.
awww Jayne, thank you for your post! you're a doll!
I have recently found a local trans support network so I have been speaking to someone who seems nice but I am still getting to know them :)
Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 01:20:22 AM
Hey can anybody help me, I can't handle the fact that I am a transsexual, it is tearing me up inside. I am going to go to the doctors but anyone got any advice for what I can do in the mean time?
This is tearing me apart!!!
Well all been there, and even when you get over it you may still go in times where it troublesome to be trans. it is after all.
but remember you can't be sad about it the whole life, you have your life to live just this one so you have to make the best out of it.
I go on and off with felling on how I wish I could just be "normal" in a way, and on the other way I dont mind being trans. but try turning it into something positive. I belive we are all diffrent and have our own struggles, I dont belive in perfect lifes or a life without problems but people who know how to handle them the right way.
I dont know if your new in the whole trans, but I guess for being trans, handicapped, gay, or diffrent in a way many get the "why me" felling at first. later on you just move on, but you also get to see it from both sides. yeah I still have times where im thinking "why me"
but I also had learn and meet alot of interesting people I wouldnt had knew if I wasn't trans.
I got past the 'why me' stage and am totally comfortable now with being transgender. My anger and frustration is now aimed at the failings of society and the medical system, but I know that is also a step in the process of acceptance, and I will pass through that as well.
Once I read the article on how our embryonic brains need Estrogen to trigger them to become male but our bodies use Dihydrotestosterone to trigger, and a failure of one of these causes a mismatch in brain and body gender, it clicked and my self loathing and guilt went away. Thats me. Thats why I feel like a woman. I got it.
Quote from: Emmaline on September 04, 2013, 03:44:35 AM
I got past the 'why me' stage and am totally comfortable now with being transgender. My anger and frustration is now aimed at the failings of society and the medical system, but I know that is also a step in the process of acceptance, and I will pass through that as well.
Once I read the article on how our embryonic brains need Estrogen to trigger them to become male but our bodies use Dihydrotestosterone to trigger, and a failure of one of these causes a mismatch in brain and body gender, it clicked and my self loathing and guilt went away. Thats me. Thats why I feel like a woman. I got it.
Ah I see, I am still very much in the kicking and screaming "aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh I am a transsexual" stage
I don't really have strong feelings of being a woman so that sentence hasn't helped click my acceptance.
CAN'T ANYBODY HELP ME??????????
MY TRANS STATUS IS ROCKING MY WORLD
I NEEEEEEEEDD HELPPP
CAN'T ANYBODY HELP ME????????
:-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed:
Then perhaps it's time to talk to a therapist of some sort.
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on September 16, 2013, 06:00:44 PM
Then perhaps it's time to talk to a therapist of some sort.
I am not ready for that, I think trans support networks are a better option but I am clamming up just typing this.
omg my life sucks
I am a transsexual
HELPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEE!!!
Can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves..
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on September 16, 2013, 09:56:31 PM
Can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves..
Of course I want to help myself, don't be so horrid!
How do you expect us to help you? How do you WANT us to help you?
Quote from: Lo on September 16, 2013, 10:49:59 PM
How do you expect us to help you? How do you WANT us to help you?
I want to handle my trans truth, I want help handling my trans truth. I need to learn how to handle my trans truth. I thought the other t-girls and t-boys and others could help me.
That's a very tall order for a forum full of people who don't know you and who aren't gender therapists.
If you're expecting more than what folks have already tried, then you're out of luck. It seems like there's been a dozen times where someone has said something to comfort you only to have you come back yelling for help again 5 minutes later.
Like someone else said, we can't help you unless you want to be helped. you need to do the work of accepting yourself. None of us can do that for you.
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 09:09:02 AM
I want to handle my trans truth, I want help handling my trans truth. I need to learn how to handle my trans truth. I thought the other t-girls and t-boys and others could help me.
And we're telling you how to handle it, to be honest. See a therapist. Look, I know it's scary, but, honestly, it's the best thing to do. The only thing we can do is give you comfort and anecdotal help, where as a trained and credentialed therapist can help you work through your issues, both trans and non-trans. Additionally, if you decide that you want to HRT, you're going to need to see a Therapist
anyway to get the letter for your endo.
Quote from: Shodan on September 17, 2013, 10:59:21 AM
And we're telling you how to handle it, to be honest. See a therapist. Look, I know it's scary, but, honestly, it's the best thing to do. The only thing we can do is give you comfort and anecdotal help, where as a trained and credentialed therapist can help you work through your issues, both trans and non-trans. Additionally, if you decide that you want to HRT, you're going to need to see a Therapist anyway to get the letter for your endo.
Can you point me towards the post telling me how to handle it? ta.
Quote from: Lo on September 17, 2013, 10:46:22 AM
That's a very tall order for a forum full of people who don't know you and who aren't gender therapists.
If you're expecting more than what folks have already tried, then you're out of luck. It seems like there's been a dozen times where someone has said something to comfort you only to have you come back yelling for help again 5 minutes later.
Like someone else said, we can't help you unless you want to be helped. you need to do the work of accepting yourself. None of us can do that for you.
It's not really a tall order, it is a simple request. If all of you can handle your trans truth then why can't I?
I dunno how to do it. I admit I am a mtf transsexual, there I said it, now what?
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 05:17:15 PM
It's not really a tall order, it is a simple request. If all of you can handle your trans truth then why can't I?
I dunno how to do it. I admit I am a mtf transsexual, there I said it, now what?
First you have to face your trans ignorance before you can face your trans truth. Are you ready to do that?
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:19:18 PM
First you have to face your trans ignorance before you can face your trans truth. Are you ready to do that?
Yes I am, how do I do that? Thank you for finally giving me some advice I can use.
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 05:21:28 PM
Yes I am, how do I do that? Thank you for finally giving me some advice I can use.
Ok what does transsexual mean to you?
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:22:18 PM
Ok what does transsexual mean to you?
a person who undergoes surgeries to become the gender that they truly are (they don't always have surgery but they usually do) it is an identification label who people who want to go from one gender to another, it is sometimes done to relieve discomfort, in other cases there is less dysphoria. some people know they are a girl (if they are born male) when they are kids but other people don't have their transsexuality triggered until later in life.
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 05:26:34 PM
a person who undergoes surgeries to become the gender that they truly are (they don't always have surgery but they usually do) it is an identification label who people who want to go from one gender to another, it is sometimes done to relieve discomfort, in other cases there is less dysphoria. some people know they are a girl (if they are born male) when they are kids but other people don't have their transsexuality triggered until later in life.
Ok good, that's a definition. Now what does it mean to you personally?
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:28:01 PM
Ok good, that's a definition. Now what does it mean to you personally?
It means that I am a transsexual and I will have to change my body and get rid of my penis and live as a woman in the future.
When I was at work today I kept on getting images of darts going through the skin connecting the head of my penis to the rest of it, the thoughts are horrible. I dunno why I keep getting them
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 05:33:35 PM
It means that I am a transsexual and I will have to change my body and get rid of my penis and live as a woman in the future.
When I was at work today I kept on getting images of darts going through the skin connecting the head of my penis to the rest of it, the thoughts are horrible. I dunno why I keep getting them
No, no, no, you misunderstood the question, I didn't mean what does it mean you will have to do. I mean what makes YOU a transsexual.
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:35:07 PM
No, no, no, you misunderstood the question, I didn't mean what does it mean you will have to do. I mean what makes YOU a transsexual.
I was born with it in my brain
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 05:37:50 PM
I was born with it in my brain
How do you define transsexual for yourself? What about your thoughts makes you feel you are transsexual? Why does your brain come to the conclusion that you are transsexual?
I understand where you are coming from. When I finally stopped denying that I was trans, I went crazy to from not understanding how to accept it. I really feel for you. However, there are no magic words. Believe me, I would have found them in the past if there were. All you can do is work on yourself and try to accept you for who you are. That takes a lot of effort and introspection. I realize you are afraid, but having a therapist to help you sort these emotions out CAN help. You need to accept this for yourself. There is nothing we can do to make that happen other than offer encouraging words or share our experiences. The acceptance has to come from you which is an internal battle that will require some work. I myself am still working on embracing the difficult dealing with fear and other issues.
Hang in there. I really wish I could say something and make you accept or handle these emotions. All I can tell you is that many have been there and have come out of this phase successfully.
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:39:53 PM
How do you define transsexual for yourself? What about your thoughts makes you feel you are transsexual? Why does your brain come to the conclusion that you are transsexual?
Well I have thoughts that say "I am a transsexual" and things like that. I also get images of my penis damaged sometimes, these thoughts are horrid. I have described them in previous posts. I have always been into feminine things and I get on better with girls (for the most part) especially bubbly girls but I have had male friends too
I am quite feminine in many ways
I am likely to be in denial about my trans-ness (lack of a better word lol)
My brain comes to the conclusion I am cos I am.
It was triggered after an event where I dressed up as Sporty Spice from the Spice Girls. I started to worry I was transsexual about a week later, although I did have anxiety in my first year of uni when I read about a disease that makes men randomly chop off their penis but I forgot about it and then remembered it after a few months. Maybe this was prominent as an anxiety point due to my transsexuality.
Edit: I don't really want to start learning more female mannerisms and stuff so I guess I could be a manly woman.
Quote from: learningtolive on September 17, 2013, 05:44:36 PM
I understand where you are coming from. When I finally stopped denying that I was trans, I went crazy to from not understanding how to accept it. I really feel for you. However, there are no magic words. Believe me, I would have found them in the past if there were. All you can do is work on yourself and try to accept you for who you are. That takes a lot of effort and introspection. I realize you are afraid, but having a therapist to help you sort these emotions out CAN help. You need to accept this for yourself. There is nothing we can do to make that happen other than offer encouraging words or share our experiences. The acceptance has to come from you which is an internal battle that will require some work. I myself am still working on embracing the difficult dealing with fear and other issues.
Hang in there. I really wish I could say something and make you accept or handle these emotions. All I can tell you is that many have been there and have come out of this phase successfully.
Ok I see, thank you for your help :)
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 05:44:42 PM
Well I have thoughts that say "I am a transsexual" and things like that. I also get images of my penis damaged sometimes, these thoughts are horrid. I have described them in previous posts. I have always been into feminine things and I get on better with girls (for the most part) especially bubbly girls but I have had male friends too
I am quite feminine in many ways
I am likely to be in denial about my trans-ness (lack of a better word lol)
My brain comes to the conclusion I am cos I am.
It was triggered after an event where I dressed up as Sporty Spice from the Spice Girls. I started to worry I was transsexual about a week later, although I did have anxiety in my first year of uni when I read about a disease that makes men randomly chop off their penis but I forgot about it and then remembered it after a few months. Maybe this was prominent as an anxiety point due to my transsexuality.
Ok, lets straighten this all out. You're feminine, you have intrusive thoughts about genitals being damaged, and you get along with girls. You like having a male body, you like having a penis, you don't want to lose it. You have dressed up as a girl but you're not sure if you liked it but mostly you didn't. You like presenting as male. You like being referred to as male. Yet somehow through all of that, you came to the conclusion that you are transsexual. Am I on the right track here?
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:35:07 PM
No, no, no, you misunderstood the question, I didn't mean what does it mean you will have to do. I mean what makes YOU a transsexual.
I'm going to answer this, just for interests sake. I'm transsexual because my heart, mind and soul tells me I'm a woman - just my body seems to disagree.
And FreshGuy, I never wanted to be trans.. I never wanted to transition - never even planned on it. But I did transition, in the end. And I'm glad I did, I've gotten to a point where I'm happy with my life and happy with myself.
But getting to this point has taken a lot of work, including some very heavy work with my therapist.. It's also required that I accept 100% that I am a woman.
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 05:50:38 PM
Ok, lets straighten this all out. You're feminine, you have intrusive thoughts about genitals being damaged, and you get along with girls. You like having a male body, you like having a penis, you don't want to lose it. You have dressed up as a girl but you're not sure if you liked it but mostly you didn't. You like presenting as male. You like being referred to as male. Yet somehow through all of that, you came to the conclusion that you are transsexual. Am I on the right track here?
Yeah I will dissect your points.
You're feminine Yeah I am in some ways
you have intrusive thoughts about genitals being damaged Yeah I think they are intrusive thoughts and they are horrible but maybe they are secretly my wishes ? the thoughts do scare me though.
ou get along with girls correct
You like having a male body, you like having a penis, you don't want to lose it. I could be in denial about liking those things. Now I just don't know anymore. Maybe I am just in denial and I think I like it but I don't
you have dressed up as a girl but you're not sure if you liked it but mostly you didn't mmhmm but being a transsexual is about more than just clothes
You like presenting as male. You like being referred to as male yeah I don't really have issues with those things
yet somehow through all of that, you came to the conclusion that you are transsexual. Am I on the right track here? yes
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on September 17, 2013, 05:54:08 PM
I'm going to answer this, just for interests sake. I'm transsexual because my heart, mind and soul tells me I'm a woman - just my body seems to disagree.
And FreshGuy, I never wanted to be trans.. I never wanted to transition - never even planned on it. But I did transition, in the end. And I'm glad I did, I've gotten to a point where I'm happy with my life and happy with myself.
But getting to this point has taken a lot of work, including some very heavy work with my therapist.. It's also required that I accept 100% that I am a woman.
So you're basically saying I am a woman and I need to accept it?
Here's the problem with your situation. You want to know how others here handle their trans truth so well while you haven't been able to. You think that other transsexual people should be able to help you out. Let me tell you exactly why I think that nobody here can possibly help you with that. The people here that are able to handle their own trans truth cannot relate to your situation at all, some of us are trying to and can relate to some parts of your situation, but I don't think a single one really understands where you are coming from and therefore cannot help you in the way that you need. Their situations are much, much different. This is why everyone's only advice is to see a therapist. That is the only person that is going to be able to help you. It is a sad reality and I am sorry for you as I am largely in the same position. The number of issues I have with my mental health are beyond what anything else I have seen on Susan's, save for your apparent issues maybe, and I mean no offence by that. Please, take everyone's advice and get some help. Then once you have talked to a therapist a few times come back if you feel you still fit in here. Actually come back even if you feel that you don't so that you can help other people that come here to see that therapy really can help people.
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 06:00:40 PM
Here's the problem with your situation. You want to know how others here handle their trans truth so well while you haven't been able to. You think that other transsexual people should be able to help you out. Let me tell you exactly why I think that nobody here can possibly help you with that. The people here that are able to handle their own trans truth cannot relate to your situation at all, some of us are trying to and can relate to some parts of your situation, but I don't think a single one really understands where you are coming from and therefore cannot help you in the way that you need. Their situations are much, much different. This is why everyone's only advice is to see a therapist. That is the only person that is going to be able to help you. It is a sad reality and I am sorry for you as I am largely in the same position. The number of issues I have with my mental health are beyond what anything else I have seen on Susan's, save for your apparent issues maybe, and I mean no offence by that. Please, take everyone's advice and get some help. Then once you have talked to a therapist a few times come back if you feel you still fit in here. Actually come back even if you feel that you don't so that you can help other people that come here to see that therapy really can help people.
Ok, thank you. I think you could be right, I do find it hard to find other trans people with a similar backstory. I have recently found one one another website but they don't post much. I have found a few others like me but they like me don't really know how to handle it
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 06:04:32 PM
Ok, thank you. I think you could be right, I do find it hard to find other trans people with a similar backstory. I have recently found one one another website but they don't post much. I have found a few others like me but they like me don't really know how to handle it
Glad I could help. Another thing, if you don't like one therapist, try another one. Eventually you will find one that you are able to trust and open up to that can really help you. At least that's what I've heard, I've never actually been in therapy myself.
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 06:06:00 PM
Glad I could help. Another thing, if you don't like one therapist, try another one. Eventually you will find one that you are able to trust and open up to that can really help you. At least that's what I've heard, I've never actually been in therapy myself.
Ok, ty :)
Do you not think therapy would help you too?
I just wanted to point out that there are non-op transwomen on this board. I'm not in that camp (well I suppose I am until I can one day afford SRS), but that isn't a dis-qualifier.
That aside, op, you may want to heavily consider whether transitioning is right for you. In your post, you state that you enjoy being a guy and have no problem with it. That's something very few transwomen would state. Of course, the transgender umbrella is diverse and there are various kinds of dysphoria, but that is something worth looking further into. I don't know what to say about the genital mutilation scenarios. I dislike my birth genitalia and would like SRS, but I have never really had nightmares about damaging them.
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 06:08:11 PM
Ok, ty :)
Do you not think therapy would help you too?
I think therapy would most likely help me, along with probably at least 2 or 3 different medications. My problem is that some of my problems are stopping me from facing my problems. :D
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 06:10:23 PM
I think therapy would most likely help me, along with probably at least 2 or 3 different medications. My problem is that some of my problems are stopping me from facing my problems. :D
I get that too but I guess we will both just have to face up to them
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 06:13:26 PM
I get that too but I guess we will both just have to face up to them
Yep. Sure do. I'm not sure if I will on my own though. I hope you do. At least you have taken more steps than me and actually have attempted to talk to a therapist.
There are a lot of guys who have thoughts about mutilating or removing their penis and/or testicles. That doesn't necessarily equate to being trans though sometimes there may be overlap. I certainly wouldn't take that alone as something to identify with being trans.
Here's the thing. You have thought about this a lot, enough to conclude that you may be trans. Let's say you decide that you are. Then you will still need to see a therapist to help you figure out how to address it. So the advice to see a therapist seems solid. They will help you figure this stuff out in a way that's personal to your issues.
I'm afraid I pretty much said everything I could in the thread that was removed - you don't HAVE to transition, you don't have to do anything at all that you don't want to do, and you seem primarily to have an issue with intrusive thoughts and obsessing and probably need to deal with that first.
Let me reiterate : You do not have to do one single thing that you don't want to. No one will force you. Part of the "trans truth" is that people decide what being trans means *for them.* Sometimes, in some situations, they decide it means... absolutely nothing changes for the foreseeable future except that they know themselves. You can simply not do ANYTHING AT ALL, until and unless you're ready for it.
I chose, before every single change and milestone in transition, that I consciously wanted to proceed. If I didn't want to, I didn't have to. (Including bottom surgery, which plenty of people don't do. I *wanted* to. I didn't have issues with panicking about what might happen to my penis; I was thrilled. If you don't want to change your penis, then just don't!)
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see. on September 17, 2013, 06:25:41 PM
Yep. Sure do. I'm not sure if I will on my own though. I hope you do. At least you have taken more steps than me and actually have attempted to talk to a therapist.
I'm sure you can do it, you come across as strong :)
I don't know what to say to the doctor when I go though.
Quote from: Jenna Marie on September 17, 2013, 07:36:24 PM
I'm afraid I pretty much said everything I could in the thread that was removed - you don't HAVE to transition, you don't have to do anything at all that you don't want to do, and you seem primarily to have an issue with intrusive thoughts and obsessing and probably need to deal with that first.
Let me reiterate : You do not have to do one single thing that you don't want to. No one will force you. Part of the "trans truth" is that people decide what being trans means *for them.* Sometimes, in some situations, they decide it means... absolutely nothing changes for the foreseeable future except that they know themselves. You can simply not do ANYTHING AT ALL, until and unless you're ready for it.
I chose, before every single change and milestone in transition, that I consciously wanted to proceed. If I didn't want to, I didn't have to. (Including bottom surgery, which plenty of people don't do. I *wanted* to. I didn't have issues with panicking about what might happen to my penis; I was thrilled. If you don't want to change your penis, then just don't!)
Ok, thank you for your assistance :)
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 07:45:54 PM
I don't know what to say to the doctor when I go though.
Tell them the same thing you've told us. Only perhaps a bit calmer...
Quote from: FreshGuy on September 17, 2013, 07:45:54 PM
I'm sure you can do it, you come across as strong :)
I don't know what to say to the doctor when I go though.
I wouldn't really say that I'm strong, more that I'm really good at hiding my weaknesses when I want to. I've let down my guard a few times on Susan's on some of the gender issues, but otherwise everyone seems to be ignorant of the real problems going on inside my head. That includes family and friends. The only one who's come close to seeing the full extent of it is my wife but even she hasn't seen the whole picture.
I think I'd be a very scary person to get into the mind of, even for a therapist (not the reason I haven't seen one) I hear of some people more messed up than me but generally they're on shows like Criminal Minds. I just have to say I'm glad I'm not sociopathic, not for my sake but for the world's sake.
I'm scared even posting this much about myself is going to freak people out.
Transitioning means YOU need/wish to transition. No one can force you to transition as a cure, you seem to have this part backwards. You seem to be so opposed to transition and don't have dysphoria about being male. This suggests that transitioning is not for you at present. So worrying about being trans because you'd have to transition is a total wasted worry when you don't want to transition. Finding a similar back story is going to be difficult. Unless you're in the middle east where folks transition because they're homosexual, people only transition if they need/want to.
It seems you're so absolutely focused on this fear of transition you don't want, that you're missing the point when others questioning what you do want, likely because you're assuming there is only one solution. This actual fear may even be the reason you're having such thoughts about genital mutilation because you're potentially under this mistaken impression that someone is going to force you to get surgery or force hormones into you against your will.
You really should talk to a professional. It's like you have an itch in your stomach and you've done a search on google and determined you have brain cancer. You're leaping to conclusions that don't make sense but are scaring you. It would do you good to talk to a professional to help you figure out what the root of your problems are and where to go from here. Once you figure out more there you can better request advice or coping strategies with regards to what your actual issues are.
^That is some very solid advice, FreshGuy. Print that post out and put it on your wall. The intrusive thoughts on their own, whether about TG or not, seem to be causing you incredible distress, and they are sometimes a sign of some other mental issue going on. Get help, because it doesn't sound like this is going to resolve itself, and you don't want this getting worse. If you had a broken bone, you wouldn't try setting it yourself, would you?
And as I posted in your other thread that got deleted, being comfortable in a dress doesn't necessarily make you MtF. You may very well just enjoy crossdressing.