I just read a posted thread where a transwoman writes she hates being transgender. In fact, hates everything about it, and wishes she was genetically female. Sad.
I spent 53 years male and used my male privilege to do some amazing things, including flying jets, helicopters, and travel to places where women are little more than property. Now, as I transition I get to do something few humans will ever do, change genders. It's amazing and a gift. It's sad that many of those using Susan's Place don't appreciate, gender dysphoria notwithstanding, the special gift they've been given. It's one of the great adventures in life and I feel sorry for those that have lost their sense of adventure, fun, and humor.
Tell them why you LOVE being transgender.
(Given some of the posts I felt the need to add the following to the original post:
Hi, To be clear I have suffered about as much as anyone diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria has, with my almost five decades of self loathing, OCD, and depression, some of it close to the point of having given notice and planning my own death. Then there's the loss that comes with coming out. I have lost a career, a job, so-called friends, and my family, including my 29 year-old daughter who hasn't said a word to me in almost 6 months. Let's not forget the transphobic media that's taken all my privacy. In an attempt to "control" my story after being outed I have had to sit on national TV programs and be subjected to questions about my genitals. Nice.
HOWEVER, the unique insight I have, and WILL have in this next life will more than make up for it. That's how I choose to look at my new life and my "gift." I choose to be happy. Happy, because happy is better than self pity. Happy, because happy is infectious. Happy, because I have made hundreds of new friends that share my sense of adventure.
Depression? Anger? Self-pity? Been there, done that. On Estradiol I haven't had a depressed hour in 140 days and will not go back to that life. You must give up the past to be free to live your future.
Join me!)
I completely agree that the adventure is going to be amazing! and i cannot wait to become the woman i believe i am!!!
However, im at the stage that ive only just accepted that im transexual, and thats the terrifying thing!!
I dont hate being transexual, i just hate the fear and anxiety that comes with it!!!
However i totally agree with you hun! it really is amazing that im going to transition from an ugly man, into a beautiful woman, and i just need to get over the first hurdle then i will be able to enjoy my trans identity far more!!!!!! And at that point i really will appreciate being female, and that is something that trans people have that no other human beings will, and is a reason to love being a transexual!!!!!! :)
Xx
Transition has allowed me to experience a euphoria that I have not found in any other piece of my life. The realization that I leave the house every morning as a woman is so amazing that nothing else compares.
Thank you for helping add a positive direction. Yes, I wish that I had been born female. A lot. But since I wasn't, why not embrace the best things about it?
What I love: Empathy.
I feel like I can now empathize with a greater chunk of humanity now. I know what it is like to be a "successful" man, as well as a failure. To exceed expectations, and to disappoint. I know great loss, and great suffering, and deprivation... and plenty, and joy.
Now I am learning to be/live those things without hiding behind a bewildering array of things I thought I had to act/be/say to be male. To embrace who I truly am inside.
To me, one of the greatest blessings of transexuality is I can better understand people. I truly believe that transgendered/transexual people have a unique ability to help shape and grow a post-gender society in the future and, in so doing, free society from a terrible burden. This will allow people to be who they truly are, free to express themselves how they see fit. After all, in the end, that is what life is all about, no? Being who you are, as hard as you can.
There are things that I love about the experience so far and being able to identify with at least one or two more groups of people. I can certainly appreciate the optimism, as I prefer to look on the bright side of things, but let's please not gloss over the pain that most of us have to go through. To call the fact that some people here hate being transgender "sad" is a bit insensitive, even condescending. No one should be told that she/he ought to enjoy something that is a source of so much misery and struggle. Gender dysphoria might not make you suicidal, but it does for over a third of the people in our community. The suicide attempt rate is on par with, or higher than, schizophrenia. You could find a silver lining for schizophrenia, too, but you wouldn't try to convince people that it's a fun "adventure," would you?
Sorry to be a downer.
Quote from: Silvermist on September 23, 2013, 01:48:32 PM
There are things that I love about the experience so far and being able to identify with at least one or two more groups of people. I can certainly appreciate the optimism, as I prefer to look on the bright side of things, but let's please not gloss over the pain that most of us have to go through. To call the fact that some people here hate being transgender "sad" is a bit insensitive, even condescending. No one should be told that she/he ought to enjoy something that is a source of so much misery and struggle. Gender dysphoria might not make you suicidal, but it does for over a third of the people in our community. The suicide attempt rate is on par with, or higher than, schizophrenia. You could find a silver lining for schizophrenia, too, but you wouldn't try to convince people that it's a fun "adventure," would you?
Sorry to be a downer.
I don't think anyone is glossing over the issues of anyone else, those issues get plenty of topics. The O/P was asking for a thread free of that, imo. Hugs, Devlyn
Just wanted to point out that the OP didn't say gender dysphoria was the gift, she said being transgender was the gift, gender dysphoria notwithstanding.
While I think there is nothing wrong with being trans, I wouldn't call this a gift in any sense. I too wish I could be genetically female and it's a source of constant pain. It may be sad, but we can't help feel the way we do. Still we have to learn to embrace it and try to make the best of our situations. I'm sorry if this is a bit negative, that's just how I see my situation.
Nonetheless, I appreciate the op's optimism and I'm up for being disabused. I'd love to one day view my being transgender as a positive rather than a struggle. :)
*heh* I guess I'm a bit too Polyanna about things... I agree with Anonymous User, IMHO the point made by the OP was to concentrate on the good in this mess.
On the other hand, reading the later comments, I can see the other point of view too... and I want to be certain I'm not seen as trying to trivialize dysphoria and pain and depression and regret and guilt and the whole unholy mess of garbage that comes with being transgendered.
The trouble is, I'm prone to anxiety and depression. I'm hoping that eliminating the dysphoria will help. I'm praying hormones will help. I'm praying that at some point the suffering will abate to the point where I can live a normal life. The way *I* get through the whole anxious ball of wax is to focus on something positive rather than let myself fall into a panic over the negatives.
So, if my comment in support of the OP has hurt anyone, I am sincerely sorry for that pain. On the other hand, I am grateful if anyone reading it has been given a pause to think and perhaps find some good in their own journey.
While I do in fact wish I was born female, I do understand what DrZoey is saying and to a point I agree.
I get to experience things from a totally different perspective. I know that the decision to transition was not really a decision at all, it was a matter or life and death. But to be able to experience life as both a man and now a woman is truly fascinating. The only part that I find that sucks is how the public views, and treats us.
The topic and OP ( to me ) is stated as matter of fact.
This, to me, is a huge slap in the face for myself and perhaps more of my TG brothers and sisters.
Opinions are one thing, and I'm thrilled that DrZoey can celebrate her former life. But please don't go stating TG is a "gift". It's insensitive at the least.
Quote from: robinmack on September 23, 2013, 03:20:56 PM
*heh* I guess I'm a bit too Polyanna about things... I agree with Anonymous User, IMHO the point made by the OP was to concentrate on the good in this mess.
On the other hand, reading the later comments, I can see the other point of view too... and I want to be certain I'm not seen as trying to trivialize dysphoria and pain and depression and regret and guilt and the whole unholy mess of garbage that comes with being transgendered.
The trouble is, I'm prone to anxiety and depression. I'm hoping that eliminating the dysphoria will help. I'm praying hormones will help. I'm praying that at some point the suffering will abate to the point where I can live a normal life. The way *I* get through the whole anxious ball of wax is to focus on something positive rather than let myself fall into a panic over the negatives.
So, if my comment in support of the OP has hurt anyone, I am sincerely sorry for that pain. On the other hand, I am grateful if anyone reading it has been given a pause to think and perhaps find some good in their own journey.
There is no need to apologize,lol. Both you and DrZoey have good intentions. Even if I can't agree that being transgender is a gift, I do appreciate those who have a positive perspective on it. People like you guys are needed to help people like me cope. Good on both of you. Your positivity is appreciated and hopefully all of us can one day see it as a gift.
Quote from: SamC on September 23, 2013, 03:55:38 PM
The topic and OP ( to me ) is stated as matter of fact.
This, to me, is a huge slap in the face for myself and perhaps more of my TG brothers and sisters.
Opinions are one thing, and I'm thrilled that DrZoey can celebrate her former life. But please don't go stating TG is a "gift". It's insensitive at the least.
I really think you are misinterpreting what DrZoey was saying. She's simply trying to find the good and help us all be proud of our identity. I don't agree that it's a gift either, but try to see what she is saying. No harm, no foul.
Quote from: learningtolive on September 23, 2013, 03:59:22 PM
I really think you are misinterpreting what DrZoey was saying. She's simply trying to find the good and help us all be proud of our identity. I don't agree that it's a gift either, but try to see what she is saying. No harm, no foul.
I do understand the intent of the thread, it's just the delivery which I find insensitive.
Quote from: DrZoey on September 23, 2013, 12:55:09 PM
I just read a posted thread where a transwoman writes she hates being transgender. In fact, hates everything about it, and wishes she was genetically female. Sad.
I spent 53 years male and used my male privilege to do some amazing things, including flying jets, helicopters, and travel to places where women are little more than property. Now, as I transition I get to do something few humans will ever do, change genders. It's amazing and a gift. It's sad that many of those using Susan's Place don't appreciate, gender dysphoria notwithstanding, the special gift they've been given. It's one of the great adventures in life and I feel sorry for those that have lost their sense of adventure, fun, and humor.
Tell them why you LOVE being transgender.
Maybe being transgender is a gift but you posted this in the Transsexual forum so you can say being "trans" is a gift but you can also say that being blind or being terminally ill is a gift. Blind people tend to hone senses and are often aware of things sighted people never notice or take for granted. Terminally ill people are faced with a situation where they often times choose to live their last moments, fully alive.
It kinda is like...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4ozP5fHebc
The reality is that you DrZoey are having an 'experience' and you feel that your experience is allowing you to enjoy life. Then you look around you at others who have a condition similar to yours and you are saying, "Why aren't you all joyful and excited about this condition?" And the reality is that not everyone is having your experience. It's great that you are having an enjoyable experience and it is nice that you might want others to experience joy but equating a condition with an experience leaves out a whole lotta variables.
I will only agree to disagree....I will say no more :)
Just had another thought...
It really isn't about being trans. To whatever degree, in this world of variables, it's about being engaged and doing new things. Being engaged in something is great. Doing new things is great. Overcoming a hurdle is great. But you can only spend so much time in mid-air suspended over a hurdle. You can only experience something as new for so long. You can only accomplish something you never did before one time. Manure is both poop and a fertilizer that you can use for making things grow. Growing things is great but I don't like to walk around covered in poo.
It sounds to me like the "Parable of Good or Bad" is really moral relativism. I am not sure how it applies to Dr Zoey's post.
Like Zoey, I too would hope that more of our community can positively embrace our uniqueness. It seems to me that anything is better than self-hatred.
Perhaps I am just a Polly Anna.
Compared to my 1st 50 years the last 4 months I feel a sense of FREEDOM. HRT has freed my nights so I can rest. I really feel for the first time in the last 2 months. I love my wife and really crave physical sexual connection ( although rarely). Sex is just amazing. Sex is just amazing (worth saying twice). Therapy has been a gift, truly a gift. I want to be me, although I am clumsy. The nightmare is over and a new beginning has started (It will not be easy but from my recent past experience the future should be at least more gain than loss, I hope).
Addressing my transgender self has been a gift, I have tears in my eyes of happiness and pride! I really look forward to growing in the months ahead. I am so much more happy being me.
I agree, I know things others never think about or experience, which is priceless. I know bigotry and I can forgive ignorance. :)
Quote from: Jamie D on September 23, 2013, 05:36:02 PM
It sounds to me like the "Parable of Good or Bad" is really moral relativism. I am not sure how it applies to Dr Zoey's post.
Like Zoey, I too would hope that more of our community can positively embrace our uniqueness. It seems to me that anything is better than self-hatred.
Perhaps I am just a Polly Anna.
Some people identify as trans and for those people 'being trans' is 'being themselves'. Thus it is equal to freedom, living and it gives joy, etc.
For other people "being trans" = a medical need to be their brain sex and to overcome their genital sex. These people tend to identify not as trans but rather as male or as female. for these people being recognized as male or female gives them their sense of freedom, being fully alive, joy, etc.
Unfortunately people who identify as male or as female (but need to transition in order to do so) these people are often pressured to identify as trans in order to support the trans movement or trans community, at the cost of their identity by people who identify as trans and don't realize they are causing suffering.
How you got moral relativism out of a video that has nothing to do with morals is very confusing to me. The video had nothing to do with morals. I even looked up the word moral to see if there was a definition I was unfamiliar with. Basically the Video uses examples such as this.
Boy is late to airport and misses his flight to New York. Someone says, "Oh, you missed your plane, what a bummer dude that is so bad." Then the plane the boy missed crashes and everyone dies and someone says, "Oh gee, you were so lucky you missed your flight, that is so good."
Maybe I am misunderstanding something, can you explain why that is moral relativism? You have me very confused here.
There are any number of valid perspectives and attitudes we may share here. I am delighted to view my personal journey as a positive adventure and 2013 as the best of my 62 years to date. If we agree that being TG/TS is not a choice then it follows we did not ask for this "gift" or curse. Call it what you will. It's your trip. We can choose to focus on our pain, problems and perplexities but I had enough of that with decades of dysphoria, denial and shame. The pain associated with dysphoria was a signal and it called me to take action to reduce and prevent it. Of course no one can deny another's unique sense of this. No one here questions people calling themselves a man, woman, girl, trans or whatever is your reality. The effort to address the challenges associated with being TG/TS or going through transition is daunting and that we are here as survivors is an amazing testament to our perseverance, adaptability and strength.
My attitude is my responsibility and i choose to be proud, positive and revel in the freedom to finally be me. I agree wholeheartedly that we have opportunities to see and feel the world in ways that are uniquely ours but from hugely different places. For me the experience of being and understanding myself as TG helps to finally make sense of my life.
Hatred takes energy and I am not going to waste precious resources on it. I do not hate the person I was either. "He" carried me for years and endured a lot of crap before giving up and letting Tessa out. There is plenty of space here to get down or seek support. I trust we will feel better with positive reinforcement for being and feeling our best?
I wouldnt call it a gift either. With all the negatives that are involved, it could be at times a burder to bear. at the same time, there is uniqueness, of being able to see things in other peoples perspectives and hopefully lets other people become more accepting of other peoples differences.
It's no gift.
A long time quality very nice member of SP had SRS & returned to her job of 10 years & was terminated for some vague reason. She is now struggling with a new much lower paying job just to make ends meet.
I think everyone can agree that being a part of any group, even majority groups, has negative qualities. Some people here experience more of the negative qualities of being transgender than others, just as different members of any other group would. I can guarantee you that some black people do not consider it a "gift" that they were born black. Are they wrong according to their experiences? I'd say probably not. I can also guarantee that some black people do consider it a gift. Are they wrong for stating it? I don't think so. In this sense I don't think the OP is wrong in saying it is a gift for them, but possibly IS wrong for saying that it is or should be seen as a gift for all transgender people. For some it really is not a gift.
I have to agree with a lot that has been said. I have traveled the world and have done a lot of things unique to being a male. I have had my fair shares of ups and down and outs in my first 40 years, and I'm sure there will be many more as I transition into the life (the life I've been running from for 30 years) I want to live in the years to come. This may or may not be a gift as events happen in our lives for reasons beyond our control. I learned from my past to live one day at a time and I plan on taking this on head first and doing my best to stay positive at every turn. Negativity takes away too much energy that is needed elsewhere. Sure there will be rainy days ahead but the sun will shine thru eventually.
There are pros and cons to everything in life and the choices we make. We live in a changing world and I am pleased with it, to a certain extent, but that hasn't stopped many people who suffer gender dysphoria from feeling ashamed and taking their own life. It is the very sad part of being who we are.
I see the OP have described how wonderful things were in the past and is embracing the future with a positive mind. Gotta love that :) That is something that should be encouraged to everyone who's transitioning by providing a variety of support.
However, if someone were to ask me if I had a wonderful past, the answer is a resounding no! I was bullied at school, called names, pressured to behave in a certain way by teachers and family, some people (and friends) choose to not associate with me, society isolated me because I was 'different' and they grow more against my feminine behaviour. I had to move countries and live in shame for a while.
Then something happened and the moment I transitioned and learn that this is the my path and no one is going to come between me and my goals, everything changed. A positive outlook is what we all need when we feel down, keep smiling, build a good strong social network, have close people to share and be friends with. It will make you a happier man/woman :)
Like most things, being trans has positives as well as the many negatives. I wouldn't be the person I am now without it, and I like the person I am now. But I'm still recovering from the long-term trauma of having to live as a man. I wouldn't have experienced many of the things I experienced or gotten insights by being with groups of men who thought there were no women around. But I missed many of the experiences women have and have just lately been able to gain insights from being with groups of women when no man is around. I have experienced both male and female sexuality, which I see as a rare gift (much as I disliked experiencing the male sexuality). Transition was a test that few go through, and I learned a lot about the people around me. For me, too, transition was challenging, wonderful, exciting, and probably the most fun I've ever had because of all the weird stuff that happened. Transition was a gift on so many levels, especially since I thought I would never be able to do it.
I hope each of us can see that being trans is not just misery. At this stage in my life, I find that being trans is sometimes a pain in the patoot. But I am trans. It helps me to just accept that, make the best of it, and move on from here.
- Kate
I would simply say that I probably won't consider ->-bleeped-<- a gift to myself until the rest of the world sees it the same way. Far too much quality of life and time have been lost to the mental and physical agony I've gone through just to even begin to understand myself and seek treatment. It has affected every element of my life and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I'm only happy now because I'm able to make peace with myself. There's plenty more I would have liked to learn about in my time on this earth rather than the nasty intricacies of societal prejudice surrounding gender and social conformity.
This may sound very negative but it is a realistic assessment of my personal experience. I am actually a hopelessly optimistic person and I intend to make the best of my situation.
Darn right it's a gift. How could I appreciate my femininity without first living as a man? Being born a woman would have just gotten in the way of me becoming the person I am inside. There is nothing like being trans. For all the pain and difficulties I would not trade this for anything. I would never want to give up what I have become and who I will be when my body inevitably turns to dust.
I would say that being TG is a wound.
Like being born deformed. Without limbs or with other deformities.
The TransGenered condition is not a "visible" wound, nevertheless hurts. But... having said that, it is true that a healed wound makes us stronger, wiser and amiable. The problem is the not - accepting people, but they will always be there.
There are different types of personalities, and different types of transgenders. I'm not implying that anyone is any less transgender than others. Just, some are able to enjoy life as males. In many ways, that's being lucky. Some are not.
They didn't even have the ability to try to live the "different experience" of being male. In many cases their personalities would have denied them any kind of "male priviledge" had they tried anyway. No matter how you look at it, someone who's too feminine for gay men yet male bodied has no male priviledge. In fact, "he" is below your average female. To them it was strictly nothing but a hindrance on their life that they yearned and tried to live as female but never could.
Those are generally the type who'll either transition relatively young or decide against transitioning at all because they don't judge their passing ability sufficient, and in that case will either try their best to live on as extremely effeminate gay boys, either kill themselves.
It's not really sad as much as it's avoidable; it's just how things are.
When you're in that case, being told that you have a "richer" experience, that you're living an enriching "adventure", that you should embrace and even love being transgender or having been male sounds like whoever is saying that utterly doesn't understand you. I'm gonna exaggerate, but in my ears, if I try to apply it to me, it sounds a bit like you're telling me that having been kidnapped, repeatedly raped and beaten and denied pretty much every human right for years is something I should appreciate because I lived a different experience that most people will never have an idea about.
I'm not trying to say this as reproach or to accuse you of any misdoing. Understanding others' experiences is rarely an easy thing, especially when you imagine that you are in the same boat. I'm just trying to say that there are differences, and that not being able to embrace ->-bleeped-<- and seeing it as an enriching experience is not a result of bad will or close-mindedness. Nor is it a result of suffering from others' attitudes. It's unavoidable, unchangeable and just as valid.
To me there is strictly nothing positive to having been born transsexual, and I don't really appreciate being told that I should see it as a gift. I'm sorry if I sound a bit cold, but in the same way as I accept and don't judge that positivism negatively despite not relating to it at all, I'd like it if my experience and point of view wouldn't be downplayed. Not that anyone is doing that actively. Just, all those things stated in a rather factual and universal manner feel like they do that indirectly, however accidentally.
Quote from: Silvermist on September 23, 2013, 01:48:32 PM
To call the fact that some people here hate being transgender "sad" is a bit insensitive, even condescending. No one should be told that she/he ought to enjoy something that is a source of so much misery and struggle. Gender dysphoria might not make you suicidal, but it does for over a third of the people in our community. The suicide attempt rate is on par with, or higher than, schizophrenia. You could find a silver lining for schizophrenia, too, but you wouldn't try to convince people that it's a fun "adventure," would you?
Sorry to be a downer.
Quote from: SamC on September 23, 2013, 03:55:38 PM
The topic and OP ( to me ) is stated as matter of fact.
This, to me, is a huge slap in the face for myself and perhaps more of my TG brothers and sisters.
Opinions are one thing, and I'm thrilled that DrZoey can celebrate her former life. But please don't go stating TG is a "gift". It's insensitive at the least.
I agree with both of you in your replies, it sums up and puts it "nicely"
I am also another one that feels that it isn't a gift, the original poster, and a few other may feel its been great, but it has been anything but that for me a probably several others here.
If someone or something was to come to me a state "I can change it all, I can take away all that is and was and make you a genetic female, and give you all that comes with it including growing up as a lil girl" I wouldn't hesitate a second :( the choice would be instantaneous even if i had to be stuck in a kitchen and never be able to do anything else including "male advantages" I would gladly trade.
In my opinion, it all depends on perspective.
My girlfriend, the most supporting, accepting, and genuinely loving person I have known in my life, has terminal cancer. She is three years past the expiration date given her by doctors, and is living her life the best she can. She has watched other friends, diagnosed at the same time, die off as a result of chemo. She's not doing chemo.
She considers her sickness a gift. It has helped her prioritize her life, become a better mother for her children, and focus on the things in life that are truly important.
Yes, dysphoria is a curse. Yes, *being* transgendered is a terrible thing, and I wish all of us had a magical switch and a time-machine and could go back and fix our gender in early childhood. I wish my girlfriend's doctors had treated her condition properly before things got worse, or at least had caught it while it was manageable. A simple procedure could have saved her life and spared her tremendous pain and suffering.
Her physical pain is tremendous, yet she makes time for me. She treasures every minute with her Robin, as I treasure every moment with her. Every moment is a gift. It would be easy for both of us to switch to despair and depression.
So, maybe the way forward in thinking about this is a compromise. Being transgendered is a burden and should not be glibly trivialized, but, like any burden in our lives, it presents opportunities.
If you had asked my girlfriend when she was first diagnosed with terminal cancer, when she was dealing with mourning and despair and depression, she would have been angry if someone called it a gift, I'm thinking. And those of us in the rocky parts of transition, too, won't be able to see much, if anything, positive. From a perspective a year or two along, though, my hope is that even those of us with the roughest times will see something in their experience that was positive and worthwhile.
Much love.
To me being born with GID/trans was like being born with no legs. And for religious reasons my parents would not allow me to use a wheel chair or get artificial legs so I spent the first part of my life not being able to participate in anything. After many years of isolation and mental suffering, envy (etc.), I was finally able to get artificial legs. I had to get the hang of them but pretty soon I was walking around, going places, meeting people and experiencing community.
During this time I got a lot of attention. People would ask me about my artificial legs, they would stare at me, point and poke their friends and be like, "Hey, look at the girl with artificial legs, have you ever seen anything like that?" I quickly realized that unless I wanted to attract a lot of attention I needed to start wearing pants instead of shorts or skirts. I had to stick to long dresses and pants so I began wearing pants and suddenly I was able to just be like other people. Instead of people reacting to me as if I was a street performer I got to be part of the audience and it felt good to avoid the spotlight and to be able to go about my life in a way that others take for granted.
Eventually I was able to get a skin upgrade for my artificial legs so now I can go about my life wearing shorts and skirts and it's wonderful. But there are still some people who remember when I was wearing shorts with my old artificial legs without the skin and sometimes when I am out and about I see them, pointing at me, telling someone my legs are not real. Some days I notice this more than others, people will stare at me, point, whisper in their friends ears. I remember I joined a bicycling club and I was at a meeting where they were talking about their next cycling trip through the mountains and I was really excited and some girl was like, "You aren't actually coming with us are you?" And I was like, "Yes, I am excited about it." And she said, "I told everyone you don't even have real legs, your legs are fake and we don't want you riding your bicycle with us because you will probably get in an accident and be a total inconvenience and besides we don't like freaks who go around trying to fool people into thinking they have real legs."
It was at this point I began to realize that I needed to move away from the people who knew my past because all I ever wanted was to be able to participate in life like other people do. I just wanted to be able to be myself and go about my life in ways that others take for granted. I didn't want to be a local media event or someone who has to answer questions about artificial legs.
Now when I first got my artificial legs it was absolutely amazing because I was finally able to begin going places and doing things and that was wonderful because it was a lot better than being house bound with no legs. But I soon became frustrated by how other people were treating me, I began to hate being the center of attraction everywhere I went. I hated the stares, the pointing and the whispering.
Then one day I saw another girl with artificial legs and not only was she going around in shorts but she had on a t-shirt that said, "I have artificial legs and I am proud." And she came up to me and she was like, "You are the girl who hides the fact that you have artificial legs aren't you?" And I was like, "Yeah..." And she started giving me a hard time, telling me that I needed to be proud of my artificial legs and how I was making life harder for people like her because I was not sharing the fact that I had artificial legs, I was not going around educating people about my artificial legs.
So I told her...
You know, I used to wear shorts and I used to get a lot of attention as the girl with the artificial legs. The local news channel even did a piece on me and I was the subject of several news paper articles and videos but it began to wear on me like the paparazzi wear on celebrities, also I got a lot of positive attention but I also got a lot of negative attention but mainly I was always a subject of attention and all I ever wanted was to be like other girls. I never wanted to be the subject of attention and I began to hate having to explain myself everywhere I went. One day I moved away, away from the stares, the talk, the pointing and the whispers. I moved to a new city far away. I got a job, I found a boyfriend and I adopted a couple of dogs. I made a real life for myself where everyone just knew me as a nice person, as the girl next door, as a best friend, as a wife. One day I was having a cup of coffee at a little cafe and this girl with artificial legs walked past the front of the building. Without thinking about it I reached down and touched my legs and I gasped as I began to realize that my legs had become real.
If you were to ask me if I loved being a girl with no legs, someone who desperately wanted to be able to walk I would say no. If you asked me, "Wasn't it great when your artificial legs arrived and weren't you proud when people saw you walking around on them?" I would have to say yes, for a while that was wonderful because it was better than having no legs and being house bound. If you were to ask me, "Don't you miss the attention you used to get by going around on artificial legs?" I would have to say, "Absolutely not, no I absolutely do not miss it at all." So then you might ask, "But you used to be so proud and for a while you really enjoyed telling people about this amazing gift you were finally able to buy for yourself." And I would be like, "Yeah, somethings are great for a while but can actually become a curse." And then if you were to say, "But I just got my artificial legs and I really enjoy telling people about them and I am so happy and my life is suddenly so amazing, why don't you tell people you have artificial legs too?"
Anyway... hopefully this explains it.
Oh and one time another girl with artificial legs asked me, "Don't you feel like a fraud, like a liar, like a deceiver, like a coward by hiding the fact that you have artificial legs?" And I reached down and I gently touched my legs again and I felt my fingertips gliding against my skin and I said to her, "No." And then I picked up my purse and I was on my way.
Quote from: Kate G on September 25, 2013, 12:41:17 PM
If you were to ask me if I loved being a girl with no legs, someone who desperately wanted to be able to walk I would say no. If you asked me, "Wasn't it great when your artificial legs arrived and weren't you proud when people saw you walking around on them?" I would have to say yes, for a while that was wonderful because it was better than having no legs and being house bound. If you were to ask me, "Don't you miss the attention you used to get by going around on artificial legs?" I would have to say, "Absolutely not, no I absolutely do not miss it at all." So then you might ask, "But you used to be so proud and for a while you really enjoyed telling people about this amazing gift you were finally able to buy for yourself." And I would be like, "Yeah, somethings are great for a while but can actually become a curse." And then if you were to say, "But I just got my artificial legs and I really enjoy telling people about them and I am so happy and my life is suddenly so amazing, why don't you tell people you have artificial legs too?"
Wow. Just... wow. Thank you, Kate.
In every life and in any situation, and especially in situations that are much more difficult than being trans, we all have the choice whether to see our individual situation as a gift or as a curse. Many things are uncontrollable. What is controllable is whether we choose to perceive the situation as "bad" or "good".
This is not to say that it is easy to control.
Quote from: Kate G on September 25, 2013, 12:41:17 PM
To me being born with GID/trans was like being born with no legs. And for religious reasons my parents would not allow me to use a wheel chair or get artificial legs so I spent the first part of my life not being able to participate in anything. After many years of isolation and mental suffering, envy (etc.), I was finally able to get artificial legs. I had to get the hang of them but pretty soon I was walking around, going places, meeting people and experiencing community.
During this time I got a lot of attention. People would ask me about my artificial legs, they would stare at me, point and poke their friends and be like, "Hey, look at the girl with artificial legs, have you ever seen anything like that?" I quickly realized that unless I wanted to attract a lot of attention I needed to start wearing pants instead of shorts or skirts. I had to stick to long dresses and pants so I began wearing pants and suddenly I was able to just be like other people. Instead of people reacting to me as if I was a street performer I got to be part of the audience and it felt good to avoid the spotlight and to be able to go about my life in a way that others take for granted.
Eventually I was able to get a skin upgrade for my artificial legs so now I can go about my life wearing shorts and skirts and it's wonderful. But there are still some people who remember when I was wearing shorts with my old artificial legs without the skin and sometimes when I am out and about I see them, pointing at me, telling someone my legs are not real. Some days I notice this more than others, people will stare at me, point, whisper in their friends ears. I remember I joined a bicycling club and I was at a meeting where they were talking about their next cycling trip through the mountains and I was really excited and some girl was like, "You aren't actually coming with us are you?" And I was like, "Yes, I am excited about it." And she said, "I told everyone you don't even have real legs, your legs are fake and we don't want you riding your bicycle with us because you will probably get in an accident and be a total inconvenience and besides we don't like freaks who go around trying to fool people into thinking they have real legs."
It was at this point I began to realize that I needed to move away from the people who knew my past because all I ever wanted was to be able to participate in life like other people do. I just wanted to be able to be myself and go about my life in ways that others take for granted. I didn't want to be a local media event or someone who has to answer questions about artificial legs.
Now when I first got my artificial legs it was absolutely amazing because I was finally able to begin going places and doing things and that was wonderful because it was a lot better than being house bound with no legs. But I soon became frustrated by how other people were treating me, I began to hate being the center of attraction everywhere I went. I hated the stares, the pointing and the whispering.
Then one day I saw another girl with artificial legs and not only was she going around in shorts but she had on a t-shirt that said, "I have artificial legs and I am proud." And she came up to me and she was like, "You are the girl who hides the fact that you have artificial legs aren't you?" And I was like, "Yeah..." And she started giving me a hard time, telling me that I needed to be proud of my artificial legs and how I was making life harder for people like her because I was not sharing the fact that I had artificial legs, I was not going around educating people about my artificial legs.
So I told her...
You know, I used to wear shorts and I used to get a lot of attention as the girl with the artificial legs. The local news channel even did a piece on me and I was the subject of several news paper articles and videos but it began to wear on me like the paparazzi wear on celebrities, also I got a lot of positive attention but I also got a lot of negative attention but mainly I was always a subject of attention and all I ever wanted was to be like other girls. I never wanted to be the subject of attention and I began to hate having to explain myself everywhere I went. One day I moved away, away from the stares, the talk, the pointing and the whispers. I moved to a new city far away. I got a job, I found a boyfriend and I adopted a couple of dogs. I made a real life for myself where everyone just knew me as a nice person, as the girl next door, as a best friend, as a wife. One day I was having a cup of coffee at a little cafe and this girl with artificial legs walked past the front of the building. Without thinking about it I reached down and touched my legs and I gasped as I began to realize that my legs had become real.
If you were to ask me if I loved being a girl with no legs, someone who desperately wanted to be able to walk I would say no. If you asked me, "Wasn't it great when your artificial legs arrived and weren't you proud when people saw you walking around on them?" I would have to say yes, for a while that was wonderful because it was better than having no legs and being house bound. If you were to ask me, "Don't you miss the attention you used to get by going around on artificial legs?" I would have to say, "Absolutely not, no I absolutely do not miss it at all." So then you might ask, "But you used to be so proud and for a while you really enjoyed telling people about this amazing gift you were finally able to buy for yourself." And I would be like, "Yeah, somethings are great for a while but can actually become a curse." And then if you were to say, "But I just got my artificial legs and I really enjoy telling people about them and I am so happy and my life is suddenly so amazing, why don't you tell people you have artificial legs too?"
Anyway... hopefully this explains it.
Oh and one time another girl with artificial legs asked me, "Don't you feel like a fraud, like a liar, like a deceiver, like a coward by hiding the fact that you have artificial legs?" And I reached down and I gently touched my legs again and I felt my fingertips gliding against my skin and I said to her, "No." And then I picked up my purse and I was on my way.
Seriously, great post. I don't know why some get upset with people that are in stealth. Personally, that's exactly what I want in the future. I don't want to be seen as a trans activist nor do I want to promote the cause by exposing my medical history at every turn. Sure, I plan on always supporting the T community and helping my fellow peers in need, but I don't need to be on display or open to those who don't need to know about my past. I just want to be one of the girls both physically and socially. That's why, to me, it isn't a gift in any stretch of the imagination. It may be something we need to learn to live with and find way to cope with it, but it has been far from a gift to me. I've spent so many years in emotional hell because of it. Had I been born the right way, it's possible that could have been avoided. We can find solace in our struggle by supporting each other and realizing that we shouldn't feel ashamed for being trans, but we can also be realistic and accept that it isn't really a gift or the ideal scenario. To be honest, I've been a bit dumbfounded that some can see it as a gift. Nonetheless, I do maintain what I said previously in that I hope to one day be able to view my transgender nature as a positive and perhaps even a gift. It's probably the healthier outlook even if I don't share it.
I think it is a shame that Dr Zoey can't start a thread that looks to bring out the positive side of a condition that we all share without being attacked for her unique views and observations. I think she has a valid point and that she also has no intent to hurt or offend any one of her brothers and sisters who may be suffering.
There are more than enough threads here about pain, suffering, self-loathing to accommodate those who wish to be immersed in that. I know Dr Zoey has had a successful life and I would bet money that her positive outlook will ensure that this next stage of her life will be even more rewarding than than before. Thank you for your perspective Dr Zoey!
PS- I bet if you interviewed those on this board that make over 100k a year, I'd wager that they are optimist and agreeable to the OP. Just a guess.... :-)
Quote from: JessicaH on September 26, 2013, 06:17:10 AM
PS- I bet if you interviewed those on this board that make over 100k a year, I'd wager that they are optimist and agreeable to the OP. Just a guess.... :-)
Very astute observation. Having enough money provides transition choices that people of more modest means don't have. Something that doesn't get talked about much here.
Quote from: JessicaH on September 26, 2013, 06:17:10 AM
PS- I bet if you interviewed those on this board that make over 100k a year, I'd wager that they are optimist and agreeable to the OP. Just a guess.... :-)
not only for the money... I think that money gives also confidence. It's different transitioning without fear of losing a job, without worries about surgeries, complications, dresses, make up, shopping (being a girl is expensive!).
But it is equally true that transition can be done with less, fairly less.
I think that also in transitioning you can be frugal. Nevertheless it is true that money gives serenity.
And serenity boosts confidence.
I understand exactly what Dr Zoey is saying here in the original post and I can agree to an extent. For me however the real gift would have been to be born a genetic girl, grow from a little girl through my teenage years into a young woman. Then hopefully I could have gone on to to experience amazing things like carrying a child, giving birth, breast feeding and developing that special bond that exists only between a mother and child. For me these amazing experiences would far outweigh flying a jet or helicopter. However, as I have the affliction of a man's body, I will never have those experiences.
So the next best gift in such circumstances is to be transgender. The gift comes with much pain, much anxiety and much distress. We should never underestimate the way it effects many of us including myself at times. However I do agree that it may be considered a gift. I would rather to know what it is to be a woman in a man's body, than to never know being a woman at all. For me, that is the extent of the gift I have received. So as I am not a genetic woman, I am glad that I am blessed with being transgender.....despite the pain.
Ciara.
To find a silver lining in a dark cloud...
I get to be part of the trans community- a small collective of people who I identify and who share triumphs and tragedies in a world stacked heavily against us. Of all the challenging, I will use the term condition here for want to a better word, conditions- ours is one with a pathway through it which we all can help guide each other through.
I am special. Yes, in a sucky way, but there is a tiny sense of pride that I won the 1 in the 11, 500ish unlucky draw to be trans and ontop of that the 5% trans homosexual draw (a girl brain that likes girls). Its like Garp buying the house the plane crashes into because 'what are the odds of it happening again?' I guess. So I am er... gifted... with having to deal with a rare set of challenges in life rather than a mundane set.
I see both sides of the coin... it gives me a distinct vantage point on relationships.
I get to tell girls what ->-bleeped-<- guys get up to with confidence. It makes me a great girl shoulder to cry on.
Other then that (oh... we get a cool flag and logo I suppose.) being trans is a big, painful, life consuming, traumatic pile of steaming s#@!.
Hi, To be clear I have suffered about as much as anyone diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria has, with my almost five decades of self loathing, OCD, and depression, some of it close to the point of having given notice and planning my own death. Then there's the loss that comes with coming out. I have lost a career, a job, so-called friends, and my family, including my 29 year-old daughter who hasn't said a word to me in almost 6 months. Let's not forget the transphobic media that's taken all my privacy. In an attempt to "control" my story after being outed I have had to sit on national TV programs and be subjected to questions about my genitals. Nice.
HOWEVER, the unique insight I have, and WILL have in this next life will more than make up for it. That's how I choose to look at my new life and my "gift." I choose to be happy. Happy, because happy is better than self pity. Happy, because happy is infectious. Happy, because I have made hundreds of new friends that share my sense of adventure.
Depression? Anger? Self-pity? Been there, done that. On Estradiol I haven't had a depressed hour in 140 days and will not go back to that life. You must give up the past to be free to live your future.
Join me!
Quote from: Kate G on September 25, 2013, 12:41:17 PM
To me being born with GID/trans was like being born with no legs. And for religious reasons my parents would not allow me to use a wheel chair or get artificial legs so I spent the first part of my life not being able to participate in anything. After many years of isolation and mental suffering, envy (etc.), I was finally able to get artificial legs. I had to get the hang of them but pretty soon I was walking around, going places, meeting people and experiencing community.
So, Kate G, you, like me, choose to be happy.
DrZoey: Yeah well uhm. I'm glad you can see it that way. Thing is, I don't have a unique outlook or life. I haven't "seen life as a guy". Or lived as a guy, for that matter. Only as a girl, and that normal outlook is only special in that it's crippled.
I don't think anyone ever acknowledged me as a "real guy". (Hell it was a running gag in high school that I was "Gender: Undetermined"). I never understood guys, and I never interacted with people as a guy, because people just don't interact with a "guy" that gives no sign of being one as they interact with a guy, not at all. Yet because of my body I still wasn't a girl.
Guys interacted with me roughly like they would with a girl, but a girl they wouldn't be interested in in a hundred years. With the occasional awkwardness where they tried to do something that one would usually do with guys and it only ended in awkwardness and me not understanding. It's very hard not to act awkwardly with someone whose body signals is a guy but whose personality signals is a girl. As for girls, they'd roughly treat me like a girl like them, but they'd often leave me out, because "girls' stuff" doesn't allow guys, and because there are some things like sexuality that teenagers just won't talk about around guys. And there were awkward moments when I was expected to get a clue and act like a guy, with them, too.
The best way I think I can say I've lived is as a very lonely, misunderstood, rejected girl.
Does that give me a different outlook? Yeaaaaah, I guess you can say someone who was social and popular won't see life the same. But lonely, rejected girls are a pretty common class of people. Whoever was nerdy, poor, ugly, out of fashion, tall, fat, flat-chested, weak, academically weak or whatever reason kids find to bully people is the same. So my outlook on life is only special in the same way as any socially disadvantaged girl's is. That is, I'm probably more compassionate than average.
But being trans is more than being unpopular, internally. It comes with a lot of "bonus" negative stuff that most unpopular people don't get. And to begin with it's a bit sick to say having been bullied is a good thing.
Emmaline: Not that it's any consolation, but statistically there are more lesbian/bi than straight trans girls.
The title says it all!! Thank you for this wonderfully positive thread :D
Quote from: DrZoey on September 26, 2013, 01:03:00 PM
Hi, To be clear I have suffered about as much as anyone diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria has, with my almost five decades of self loathing, OCD, and depression, some of it close to the point of having given notice and planning my own death. Then there's the loss that comes with coming out. I have lost a career, a job, so-called friends, and my family, including my 29 year-old daughter who hasn't said a word to me in almost 6 months. Let's not forget the transphobic media that's taken all my privacy. In an attempt to "control" my story after being outed I have had to sit on national TV programs and be subjected to questions about my genitals. Nice.
HOWEVER, the unique insight I have, and WILL have in this next life will more than make up for it. That's how I choose to look at my new life and my "gift." I choose to be happy. Happy, because happy is better than self pity. Happy, because happy is infectious. Happy, because I have made hundreds of new friends that share my sense of adventure.
Depression? Anger? Self-pity? Been there, done that. On Estradiol I haven't had a depressed hour in 140 days and will not go back to that life. You must give up the past to be free to live your future.
Join me!
DrZoey, I really do appreciate your optimism and in no way do I intend to rain on your parade, but I simply disagree that this is a gift. Sure, we can overcome adversity and find a happy life through our transition; however, that doesn't over rule the the hardships we had to endure. The real gift would have been being born cis and never having to go through all of the bullying (physical and emotional), social isolation, depression and anxiety that I faced because of being transgender. To be honest, I can't find the gift of my past and I'd rather forget some of it. Despite that, not everything was bad. There were certainly good things in my past, but my experience is that it is not a gift. While I'm seriously happy some of you can see it as a gift, not all of us have the same opinion.
Having said that, there is nothing wrong with being trans and many of our struggles are unfairly exacerbated by an ignorant and misunderstanding society. We can take solace by looking forward to our future and fight to find happiness while coping with the hardships. Even though it isn't a gift, in my opinion, it shouldn't have to be a curse and we can find ways to mitigate the struggles that we endure. Whether that be transitioning or something else, that's great. Therefore, gift or not, let us all agree that we should find the best path forward that will lead us to better understanding of ourselves and personal happiness. Despite our different perspectives, we can still reach similar conclusions and believe looking forward in a positive manner is the best strategy.
Yes uhm, this. It's a bit like the idea of trans pride. I can definitely understand and I actually support the idea of being proud of having found happiness and not being ashamed despite being trans. But being proud of being trans in and of itself... no, I just can't see it.
It's like being proud of being black. What's so special about being black that would make you be proud of it? Being proud of what your ancestors did for your rights, and being proud of not falling to racism? Aaah, that's another story.
Quote from: A on September 26, 2013, 03:00:28 PM
Yes uhm, this. It's a bit like the idea of trans pride. I can definitely understand and I actually support the idea of being proud of having found happiness and not being ashamed despite being trans. But being proud of being trans in and of itself... no, I just can't see it.
It's like being proud of being black. What's so special about being black that would make you be proud of it? Being proud of what your ancestors did for your rights, and being proud of not falling to racism? Aaah, that's another story.
Hmm... what's funny is that you answer your own question there. Being proud to be trans is embracing the fact that you *are*, in fact, trans in the very same way that black pride is embracing all that comes with being black. I went to a high school where I was one of three white kids in my graduating class of over 300 so, I was able to gain an understanding of what it really meant when they said that they were proud of it both back in the day and in modern times. It's an embracing of one's self and a casting off of the feelings of inferiority and disenfranchisement that come with being an oppressed class. I live openly as a transgender woman simply because there is no other option that doesn't smack of being ashamed to be alive and who I am. That's my version of 'trans pride'.
To the OP:
Hm, trans as a gift, huh? I don't think so, not really. It's simply a circumstance which grants a particular perspective. Coming from a place of male privilege and moving to a not-as-oppressed-but-really-still-oppressed point of view and dealing with the consequences of being in that situation as well as the consequences of being trans makes it too hard and challenging to have it be a gift in and of itself. I think that there are good things about it because of the ability to understand more of the gestalt of the human experience, sure but, gifts come at no cost and I don't know anyone who's trans who didn't pay at least some price to live as they are.
That said, everything can be positive and I think that being trans is definitely a positive in my life, even counting up all the deficits. I think that living as a genuine person rather than something someone else told me to be, expressing myself authentically, and being a wholly self-realized individual after a great deal of time not being so is something that I cannot look at as anything *but* positive.
The costs are high, the sacrifice is great, and the pain that ones goes through is real so, it's no gift but even when handed a particularly bitter bag of lemons, enough sweetness and care can make something refreshing and good.
Oh uhm, that's fine. Just, in the past, I've had people argue and insist that they were proud of being trans, not proud of being who they were despite being trans. Like, to them being trans was inherently a good thing. That's what I don't get.
Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on September 26, 2013, 03:36:47 PM
The costs are high, the sacrifice is great, and the pain that ones goes through is real so, it's no gift but even when handed a particularly bitter bag of lemons, enough sweetness and care can make something refreshing and good.
This! This! A thousand times this! :)
I posted earlier in the topic and I am going to expand on my thoughts a little bit.
There is so much self-loathing and self-hatred in our community. We have a terribly high suicide attempt rate. We have members who become dysfunctional. We have brothers and sisters who are constantly in emotional and physical pain.
I believe that, like those who promote, "Gay Pride," or "ethnic pride," or other forms of self-acceptance, we should too. Our transgenderedness is largely innate. We find ways to cope with the dysphoria, but it seems to me that those of us who actually embrace and love themselves, are the ones who have the most positive outcomes.
Frankly, I'm not there yet. But I'm trying to learn to really, deeply accept who I am. It's scary. Reading Zoey's thoughts are uplifting for me.
The word pride is a little misleading...'not ashamed' is more what I personally mean when I say trans pride.
Embracing is a great term. I will use that!
I loved what Victoria wrote - "The costs are high, the sacrifice is great, and the pain that ones goes through is real so, it's no gift but even when handed a particularly bitter bag of lemons, enough sweetness and care can make something refreshing and good."
:)
Transgender as a gift. When giving transgender, always keep the receipt in case the person you give it to wishes to return it.
Can I regift?
Quote from: Emmaline on September 27, 2013, 06:34:42 AM
Transgender as a gift. When giving transgender, always keep the receipt in case the person you give it to wishes to return it.
Can I regift?
I know several law and policy makers I'd like to gift it to. :\
Quote from: Emmaline on September 27, 2013, 06:34:42 AM
Transgender as a gift. When giving transgender, always keep the receipt in case the person you give it to wishes to return it.
Can I regift?
or could we exchange it?? lol, but in all seriousness to the op I am happy that you can have to perspective and are able to make "lemonade from this lemon" but there are those (myself included) that wont be able to find much positive in the experience, some of us have to much bad before or during the transition that it make it impossible to do.
your post reminds me of a couple old sayings "life is what you make of it", or "if life gives you lemons make lemonade" being finally past that point in my life and having had the "surgery" , I am glad I can finally put all the past and the whole transition in my rear view mirror, and while I am finally happy and feel normal, I wont ever view that time as a gift. like othesr I believe to true gift would of been to be born in the correct gender, if I was to say I learnt anything in the process I would say I learnt that cis gendered people don't know what they have and how lucky they are, and that they take what they do have for granted.
I don't know if Gift is the right word for me, but I think it have giving some sort of qualety and knowlegde of alot of things I would never had knew otherwise.
--
I know if I hadn't been transgender I probably wouldn't:
*had known alot of those wonderfull people I know today,
* had the knowlegde and interest for gender and sexualety of any kinds.
* had the chance to experience both male/female world in another way most teens have, including gaining certain knowlegde
* be able to relate to other minoritys, and get the chance to talk to alot of people.
* get in huge demonstrations, newspapers, shortmovies, political meetings, and seeing many friends there as well. (it can both be exiting and boring.
* be invold with volunteery work.
---
just to mention something.
Yeah, being a trans woman has some big downsides.
But compared to being a cis guy, for me it really is a gift. I do regularly thank heaven I wasn't born a cis guy. (Nothing wrong with cis guys - I'm just really glad I'm not one.)
I think it might have been said before... but I am very thankful for growing up with male privilege and then being able to switch societal roles later on- not necessarily having to leave any part of my past behind.
Yes, there are many difficulties we encounter being trans. But ultimately, we have the chance to see the world from all sides. It makes us really special in a way that 99% of the population cannot even begin to experience firsthand.
I guess what I'm getting at is- looks aren't everything. It seems to me that most trans people who decide to transition (myself included) spend the initial stages of transition worrying so much about the visual aspect- and rightfully so, I think. But the REAL kicker comes later on when you stop worrying about that and your attention turns inward. You realize that you're still completely yourself, yet you are able to express everything from a different role which (if you allow it to) gives you the chance to be a much more diverse and mentally rich human being.
It can be a gift, but it doesn't come without hard work in the beginning. After all, nothing in life is free.
I am not just trans. Obvious, right? But I think sometimes we need to be reminded of this thing.
I don't really see the point I guess of pulling out "trans" from the muddle of my person and deciding whether I want to surgically excise it or not. Because that isn't how it works. I haven't the faintest idea who or what I'd be if I wasn't born as I am. All the choices, all the best and worst moments of my life would be revoked instantly. The time that I swallowed a few dozen Codeine pills hoping never to wake up, and the time my girlfriend first told me she loved me. I am a composite... and I wouldn't want to risk altering the mix by ditching an ingredient. I wouldn't want to eat a spoonful of salt, but it goes well in a batch of muffins.
A year ago, ask me if I hated being trans and I'd have said yes without a second thought. It's odd that... the way being post-transition has slowly reshaped my perspective. As it starts to just... hurt less all the time. I'm no longer driven by the overriding concern of "OH MY GOD MAKE THE PAIN STOP." There are certainly still experiences, hell, years of my life that I wish I could just forget, erase, redact... but I'm working on that. On learning to accept that I am all one being, made up of all these things. And that what makes me such a damn awesome person includes even some of my most difficult bits.
Is being trans a gift? Meh. But life is a gift. And being trans is part of my life.
Jennygirl, beautiful post, as are many of the others.
DrZoey, thanks for the thread to allow us to share what we find happiness in. Being transgender is a gift to me that has truly changed how I see life, and see others.
Hugs, Devlyn
And a pox on those who felt completely justified in coming to someone's "happy" thread to ->-bleeped-<- under the Christmas tree.
Quote from: Jennygirl on September 27, 2013, 04:54:11 PM
I think it might have been said before... but I am very thankful for growing up with male privilege and then being able to switch societal roles later on- not necessarily having to leave any part of my past behind.
Yes, there are many difficulties we encounter being trans. But ultimately, we have the chance to see the world from all sides. It makes us really special in a way that 99% of the population cannot even begin to experience firsthand.
I guess what I'm getting at is- looks aren't everything. It seems to me that most trans people who decide to transition (myself included) spend the initial stages of transition worrying so much about the visual aspect- and rightfully so, I think. But the REAL kicker comes later on when you stop worrying about that and your attention turns inward. You realize that you're still completely yourself, yet you are able to express everything from a different role which (if you allow it to) gives you the chance to be a much more diverse and mentally rich human being.
It can be a gift, but it doesn't come without hard work in the beginning. After all, nothing in life is free.
Can you define Male Privilege and give examples? I think Male Privilege means different things to different people, what does it mean to you? To me being male came with no privilege. I was never comfortable being male and I was never able to form meaningful relationships with others as a male. I was never male. Male was something I tried to be without any success. As a "male" no matter where I went I felt as if I didn't belong there. As a woman wherever I go I have a sense of belonging. When you speak of being male you sound as if you are referring to something you enjoyed and were successful with and you seem to suggest that you brought that success with you into transition. Perhaps Dr. Zoey feels similarly?
Because I was born with the wrong body for my brain I was never able to be successful in anything, my entire life suffered. I was never able to have a career, a marriage, a family. My relationship with "god" suffered, I suffered. When I look back on my life before transition it is looking back on a book full of empty pages.
My whole life suffered because I was born with the wrong genitals and they ruined my life. Either that or my whole life suffered because I was born with the wrong brain. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Can you describe your male privilege and explain what you enjoyed about it?
Quote from: Kate G on September 27, 2013, 05:18:40 PM
Can you describe your male privilege and explain what you enjoyed about it?
Sure, I am happy to elaborate.
As a male I did just fine. My whole life I've always been into creative "guy" things, and it spurred me on into some very technical specialties that would have most likely received less attention and help if I had been socialized as a girl. Things like programming, fabrication (I was super into techic legos as a kid), and robots/electronics. I know you definitely do see girls doing these things, but it is very uncommon.
My dream job from grade 7 was to be a freelance motion graphics designer/animator in California, and that's exactly what I'm doing now- among other things like designing and fabricating large scale soundsystems and remodelling my house. The experiences I gained absolutely slingshotted me into being unique in more than one field regardless of gender, but I might not have had those learning experiences if I hadn't been living as a male... especially when it comes to my day job. I've worked at most of the top motion graphics studios in LA and I've never once met a girl that even touches 3D animation.
I guess what I mean by male privilege is that I was fully supported and helped by guys while learning these things, instead of assumed to be "just a girl trying to do a man's job". Yuck, I hate that verbiage. Sadly to say though, male privilege gives access to a whole slew of advantages.
Though I knew I was VERY different from my guy friends, I was still happy living as a male because I still felt like I was making progress in life. With all of that progress built up behind me and the benefits I've reaped from it, there is no way I would go back and transition sooner or even be born a cis female. I am way too happy now to ever consider it.
Also, thanks for asking :) Hadn't really thought about it in a while
I've spent a long time thinking about this subject. Maybe more than I normally would do. And have kept an eye on the sentiments expressed in the thread. My own thoughts on it are... well, hard to express adequately. Nevertheless:
Firstly, I don't wish to comment on what impact being transgendered has had on my life directly. I consider that largely a matter of perspective and I could equally express positivity or negativity depending on my mood and how I view a certain thing at any given time. What I would like to talk about is what effect being transgendered has had indirectly on my life. And I think for the most part that has come about through meeting other people dealing with the same issues on a day-to-day basis.
When I first came out to myself, I felt lost. Bewildered. Isolated. But it wasn't the fact of coming out which did it. It was putting a name to feelings I'd had for most of my life. It was finally nailing one of the major causes of everything which had confused and saddened me up to that point.
Maybe that in itself was not a gift, but it did lead to one. It led to me coming here. It led to me meeting people who inspired me, and who continue to do so. It led to me seeing another side to life. People who have tremendous determination, tenacity, strength of character... and at the same time a compassion and solidarity to be there for each other no matter what life throws at them.
Yes, life has had its hardships, and will no doubt continue to do so. But through wanting to learn about myself, and move forward in whatever way I can, it has led to me discovering more about myself than gender. More about myself than what I am. It has led to me discovering who I am. And that, I consider a gift.
Being transgendered has indirectly led to me having an appreciation for the hardships that can be, and are endured on a daily basis. It has led to me getting a glimpse of something deeper and more meaningful than the watercooler gossip that many people in my life seem content with. It has led me to have the privilege of being able to guide people, to listen to people and offer what comfort I can to others in need. And that, to me, is a gift. To find out some of the things I am able to do and utilise those skills in a way that benefit other people.
I don't know if I would have found all this had the chain of events been set in motion which led to this point. But it did, and here I am. In some ways things are harder now, yes. But in some ways I have more of a base with which to combat these things.
For me, being transgendered is what it is. It's something to be integrated as one strand of a life lived. What I do consider a gift are the myriad other interwoven strands that have been discovered as a byproduct of that. The connections formed. Lessons learned. Interactions and emotional growth which has come about through it.
I guess what I'm trying to say, in a round about way, is that whether being transgendered is a gift or not... learning that I can be so much more than that definitely is a gift. One which I don't often appreciate as much as I should. And that walking a hard road may be tough, but finding people who share your journey and are willing to pick you up when you fall, to say "It's okay, I'm here for you.". That is a gift.
You folks are a gift. Whether you know it or not. And not because of being transgendered or not. Not because of what you are, but because of who you are.
Anyhow, I've rambled enough. Make of that what you will. :)
Transgender is a gift?
Perhaps, it is an amazing journey of self discovery as I finally come to terms with it as it has caused so much pain all my life.
It's not as scary as I though opening up to therapists, still scary enough though.
It's ruined relationships, caused social anxiety and stopped me doing so many 'normal' things people take for granted.
It's not something I choose to do like so many others here it is a necessity as I can no longer be the old me.
Sorry but if it's a gift, I will be re-gifting it.
Quote from: Jennygirl on September 27, 2013, 06:07:23 PM
Sure, I am happy to elaborate.
As a male I did just fine. My whole life I've always been into creative "guy" things, and it spurred me on into some very technical specialties that would have most likely received less attention and help if I had been socialized as a girl. Things like programming, fabrication (I was super into techic legos as a kid), and robots/electronics. I know you definitely do see girls doing these things, but it is very uncommon.
My dream job from grade 7 was to be a freelance motion graphics designer/animator in California, and that's exactly what I'm doing now- among other things like designing and fabricating large scale soundsystems and remodelling my house. The experiences I gained absolutely slingshotted me into being unique in more than one field regardless of gender, but I might not have had those learning experiences if I hadn't been living as a male... especially when it comes to my day job. I've worked at most of the top motion graphics studios in LA and I've never once met a girl that even touches 3D animation.
I guess what I mean by male privilege is that I was fully supported and helped by guys while learning these things, instead of assumed to be "just a girl trying to do a man's job". Yuck, I hate that verbiage. Sadly to say though, male privilege gives access to a whole slew of advantages.
Though I knew I was VERY different from my guy friends, I was still happy living as a male because I still felt like I was making progress in life. With all of that progress built up behind me and the benefits I've reaped from it, there is no way I would go back and transition sooner or even be born a cis female. I am way too happy now to ever consider it.
Also, thanks for asking :) Hadn't really thought about it in a while
I was and am very much like you in terms of my instinctive interests and hobbies and where they led. I've ended up getting more building toys as an adult with my own money than my parents could afford when I was young. I was facinated by Technics Lego but couldn't have much of it back then. There's a need in my mind to understand how everything in the world works and to create new things. But everything I liked as a child would not have fit with society's gender expectations at the time (1980's). While just very recently it's started to become okay for 'geeky' girls to exist and congregate into valid peer groups at a young age, I would not have been afforded this luxury if born a girl. All the experiences and learning I've had through my life have been possible because nobody saw them as out of place for a boy.
I've thought at great length about what might have been if my childhood had been different. I've concluded that growing up female with the same mind and social anxiety probably would have been worse for me and I would still have ended up with the complex situation of coming out as a lesbian eventually. It's very likely I would have wondered if I should have been born a boy because of my likes and dislikes and gone through a similar hell of not fitting in and struggling to find myself.
If there's a gift in this situation for me it would be that I could validly grow up fitting in better as a boy and then transition in adulthood to fitting in better as a woman. Kind of like the metamorphosis we like to talk about from caterpillar to butterfly, each form suits a unique situation and is tailored towards it. I could not be experienced and strong enough now to become a woman without the benefit of the previous incarnation. In the future if society adjusts to new norms for children in terms of not guilting them out of their interests and not scaring them into gender and sexual polar roles then perhaps girls will be able to just be themselves life-long. If even one cis person can become more open-minded this way as a result of knowing me and all I have achieved in life, stuggle or no struggle, then I will be a lot more satisfied with my place in the world. Jennygirl certainly seems to be a shining example of what is possible.
This thread and the eloquence with which you share your journeys is the perfect embodiment of a Support and Resources Place. You are beautiful, Thank you!
Quote from: Jennygirl on September 27, 2013, 06:07:23 PM
Sure, I am happy to elaborate.
As a male I did just fine. My whole life I've always been into creative "guy" things, and it spurred me on into some very technical specialties that would have most likely received less attention and help if I had been socialized as a girl. Things like programming, fabrication (I was super into techic legos as a kid), and robots/electronics. I know you definitely do see girls doing these things, but it is very uncommon.
My dream job from grade 7 was to be a freelance motion graphics designer/animator in California, and that's exactly what I'm doing now- among other things like designing and fabricating large scale soundsystems and remodelling my house. The experiences I gained absolutely slingshotted me into being unique in more than one field regardless of gender, but I might not have had those learning experiences if I hadn't been living as a male... especially when it comes to my day job. I've worked at most of the top motion graphics studios in LA and I've never once met a girl that even touches 3D animation.
I guess what I mean by male privilege is that I was fully supported and helped by guys while learning these things, instead of assumed to be "just a girl trying to do a man's job". Yuck, I hate that verbiage. Sadly to say though, male privilege gives access to a whole slew of advantages.
Though I knew I was VERY different from my guy friends, I was still happy living as a male because I still felt like I was making progress in life. With all of that progress built up behind me and the benefits I've reaped from it, there is no way I would go back and transition sooner or even be born a cis female. I am way too happy now to ever consider it.
Also, thanks for asking :) Hadn't really thought about it in a while
It sounds like if someone had a good life with a lot of good experiences in it, prior to transition... then being a "guy" before transition was "good".
But if someone had a crummy life with a lot of bad experiences in it, prior to transition... then being a "guy" before transition was "bad".
That is the conclusion I am arriving at while reading this thread.
Thank you for sharing your experiences :)
The only advantage as a trans I think is I don't have period every month and not fall pregnant cos I'm a nympho and I just like to f... non-stop. Huhuhu! >:-)
Life gives and life takes, and sometimes it takes a lot of stress tears and just plain hurt to pass through to the other side.
Is being transgender a 'gift'? Well I think it comes down to the individual. I am not sure it can be a catch all notion.
I have fybromyalgia. And while it has made me yearn to be dead on more than a few occasions, and while it interacts with my other health problems sometimes in near life threatening levels of pain induced suicidal thoughts, the thing is, it killed off a previous version of me, a person frankly I am glad is gone.
I've told the wife several times in the past, the person she originally married was something of an ->-bleeped-<-. If not for the fybromyalgia I seriously think that person would have done something very cliche, very selfish, and probably would not have passed the 10 anniversary mark. I am nearing the 30th by the way.
Will I ever like having fybromyalgia? Hell no! But, I can look at my life, and realize though, it brought me to where I am, and in the process, I am likely better off even if I have not got anything nice to say about the method.
I think my transition will make me better, but, I am not going to say it will be 'easy'.