I'm in the situation where I need FFS, without it I'm quite sure I won't live.
I can't get that money in any other way than asking my parents for a loan, I won't get a job and even if by some miracle I'd get a job and manage to do it, it'd take years to save up that money. So, please don't say I should get a job instead, because asking them for a loan is the only way.
Ok so, first of all, I don't know if I should ask my mom about that loan... It's going to be between $10k-15k, so it's not a small loan. And I don't know if it's fair to ask her for something like that, especially not if she can understand what I'll do without that money. She is supportive of me being trans and so, but yeah, this is a bit bigger than just that.
So yeah, do I ask her?
Secondly, if I do ask. How do I ask? I really don't know how I'd bring myself to ask something like that. The first time I had serious talk with her when I came out, like 3 years ago, and before that I don't think I've ever talked with her seriously or asked for bigger favors.
I just don't know. How would I phrase myself? This would be over phone.
Another detail, is that my mom probably doesn't have much money, so the one who'd actually need to loan it to me would be my step father. I have no idea what he thinks of me and such, and I'm not sure what kind of person he is, he seems kind of self-loving and don't care too much about others, but I'm not sure. I'm not going to ask him directly, I'd ask my mom to ask him... and they're also divorced, so that's another issue.
Quote from: uuuu on January 07, 2014, 01:05:13 PM
I'm in the situation where I need FFS, without it I'm quite sure I won't live.
I can't get that money in any other way than asking my parents for a loan, I won't get a job and even if by some miracle I'd get a job and manage to do it, it'd take years to save up that money. So, please don't say I should get a job instead, because asking them for a loan is the only way.
Ok so, first of all, I don't know if I should ask my mom about that loan... It's going to be between $10k-15k, so it's not a small loan. And I don't know if it's fair to ask her for something like that, especially not if she can understand what I'll do without that money. She is supportive of me being trans and so, but yeah, this is a bit bigger than just that.
So yeah, do I ask her?
Secondly, if I do ask. How do I ask? I really don't know how I'd bring myself to ask something like that. The first time I had serious talk with her when I came out, like 3 years ago, and before that I don't think I've ever talked with her seriously or asked for bigger favors.
I just don't know. How would I phrase myself? This would be over phone.
Another detail, is that my mom probably doesn't have much money, so the one who'd actually need to loan it to me would be my step father. I have no idea what he thinks of me and such, and I'm not sure what kind of person he is, he seems kind of self-loving and don't care too much about others, but I'm not sure. I'm not going to ask him directly, I'd ask my mom to ask him... and they're also divorced, so that's another issue.
If you cant get a job why not school than?, you say you can live without it, is that because of being suicidal? if so perhaps you really need to be talking to a therapist.
I honestly don't thing anyone here is going to be able to tell you what you want, also we know very little of your living conditions, etc.
I suspect you still live at home and are quite young. Most people here who have had surgery have saved for many years, worked their bottoms off, or used insurance.
Are you even on hormones yet? if not you should definitely be on hormones before and feminizing surgery, because the body change very drastically after being on hormones for a while and you may not need facial surgery because of that alone.
also no doctor is going to just operate on you with this type of surgery, doesn't matter if you paid 10k over the actual surgery cost.
My best advice to you atm is find a good therapist that is familiar with tg/ts issues and get yourself on the road to hormones.
Nothing is sit in stone and everyone starts somewhere, its good your mom supports you some of us don't even have that. For some of us it seems like it really sucks and we should get this and that done like yesterday, but unfortunately it doesn't happen that way, and we have to "tough" it out the best we can, Which a lot of times include counseling and therapy.
The good news is you don't have to endure this alone ,by being here you have a vast network of brothers and sisters to be by your side and help you along the way. :)
Hang in there, and welcome to Susans!!
Yes, I'm not going to live with this face, so I'll kill myself if it doesn't work out. But, I've kind of come to be sorta ok with it, very unhappy with it, but it's kind of how things just are. I have also been on hormones for a few months over a year I think, and I live on my own.
I also know that most people who've had FFS worked really hard to get it, and that's strong of them. But I can't, I need FFS, and right now I don't care how spoiled I would look to get it.
What I want to know is though, what I should do in this position. I don't know if I should even ask my mom about it, I don't know if it's right or fair, and maybe I shouldn't ask and just die instead. And if I ask, I have no idea how I'd bring myself to raise that question. Those are the things I really need to know, because I want to decide on something and go through with whatever I decided on.
I am confused as to why you "won't" work to achieve something you want or need. "Can't" is another thing altogether, if you are disabled. We have members here who got surgeries despite not being able to work.
Quote from: uuuu on January 07, 2014, 02:15:04 PM
Yes, I'm not going to live with this face, so I'll kill myself if it doesn't work out. But, I've kind of come to be sorta ok with it, very unhappy with it, but it's kind of how things just are.
That answer right there, is a red flag per se. I'd talk to a therapist pretty quickly and if needed maybe some inpatient time, suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Maybe you should consider how your mom would feel if you were to kill yourself. when you commit suicide you may end your problems but the suffering go's on sometimes for the rest of other peoples lives who cared (like your mom) for you. There isn't an easy way to ask that which you want to ask the only additional advice I can give is get together with your parents and tell then your feelings, and why you want this, and if its a loan, how you will pay it back. you need to tell them everything.
Hi,
I have been thinking about what you said regarding your plight to gain FFS and your desire to gain it as fast as you can. I do not know where you live but my advice as a Australian Social work student (5 years of training so far :( ) is to contact a Social worker and gain some resources, counselling and a referral to a allied health professional who deals with gender issues. If you are unsure how to do this contact your local GP or hospital and state, "I really need to see a mental health worker ASAP." You will not need to say much outside of you have suicidal ideations to the receptionist. Also thank you for being brave enough to speak here and share your story with us. It takes a lot of strength to share our lives with others. Also please take care, and if you are comfortable let us know how you went.
Sarah
I don't want to see any psych, I have been to ones previously, but they can't really help me in any way, other than making me more uncomfortable for having to face people in person. The only thing I think could help me would be FFS, after that I think I'd just take some time until I became sort of fine with myself (I mean, there's always going to be parts of my face and body I dislike, but that's different).
Anyway. I do know that my mom would be unhappy after I die, and that's why I don't want to make things worse. I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't think it's ok to force me to live like this for 3-5 years more.
The difficult part with if I ask... Is that she's given a chance, either she doesn't take it seriously and wants it to be fixed some other way, or it ends up that they don't have this money available (well I do know they have the money, maybe not in cash, but my step father owns a lot of things). And after that I die, uhm, then I think they'd feel pretty terrible... worse than if I had died without ever saying anything at all. If I don't say anything at all though, they never get the chance to help me, which in case they would be willing they'd probably feel bad about that too.
I don't know, it's those things that make me unsure if I should ask or not, I have a pretty strong feeling they wouldn't loan me that money, maybe 1/100 chance, so maybe I'll just make it worse for them without gaining anything at all.
You really should skip therapy, call 911 and get help now. Talking about suicide to get what you want isn't a joke. You only get one life and you have to protect it and work for happiness in that life.
is that you muuu? There was a member here before who talked in absolutes just like you do and was unwilling to ddo anything to help herself. Sorry my boyfriend killed himself 15 years ago and my uncle four years ago. And you can't wait a couple years and work to get this FFS that is so necessary you will fie without it. If this isn't emotional blackmail on your mom and your serious, you need to go to the hospitaal now. Like right now. Yesterday would be better. But to answer: yes say you need FFFS so bad you will kill yourself soon without it. If it's that important of course they would rather you asked and they helped then you just killing yourself. But really...ugh. Just ugh.
the way your expressing your self sounds like your face is incredibly physically disfigured like by a genetic disease, If that's the case I sure your parents will help. Other wise you probably need to get to a hospital.
Here's a question for you, uuuu.. What if FFS doesn't resolve the issues you perceive with your face?
Beyond that, the way you express yourself shows some issues that a therapist could help with - surgery won't help.
Well I'm mtf, so in a way my face is physically disfigured because of a genetic disease.... And yes, my issues would resolve if I had FFS. Maybe I would need some therapy afterwards, but they're definitely possible to resolve afterwards, without FFS they can't be resolved.
I'll probably try to ask my mom about it tomorrow. But then, I don't know what information I should keep away. If I tell too much she'd probably be able to figure out more, and maybe ask certain questions.
Like how much information should I hold back, and what parts? I really don't want to say something like "If I don't get this money I'll commit suicide". But what if she asks that question directly, do I answer it legitimatly then?
Joanna was correct - "emotional blackmail." You need more help than what FFS can provide.
Hhhhhhhhm hhhhhhhhhhhhhhm
Wierd girl you are uuuu, your opinions are very dark if you ask me...I think I was kinda like this,,,still am sometimes...I never though about suicide though,,,maybe Im to weak for that or maybe,,,too strong,,,
I totally get it though , I could never raise the money for FFS by working... Id need to work for 3 years straight and save all the money I get...
see how the loan thing goes,,,still dont give up... you sound kinda selfish , but I wont blame you , actually I still understand , how can you not be a little selfish when you want to undergo FFS so bad...
anyway ,,,I dunno...
just do what you like really , think about it a lot though....
If FFS is your life goal then by all means go for it...you might have to face some consequences though
I've thought a bit about that "emotional blackmail" thing, and no, I'm not trying to emotionally blackmail anyone. If anything is emotional blackmail it'd be trying to guilt me into living. I made mistakes, and my parents made mistakes, it's really nobodys fault, but the outcome is damaging me, nobody else. Though they were my parents and should have cared at least a little bit, they were the ones to put me into this world, not me. So it's my right to end it, I don't need to think about their feelings as they never cared about mine, I'm very sure they won't be sad enough to kill themselves anyway, it'll be a nuisance and they'll be sad for a while, but it's not going to ruin their lives.
Yeah, I may ask, I think... Because even though it's a very small chance, that's the only thing that can make me live, and I do want to live. Yeah, even if it'd be easier on them if I didn't ask and just died, I should still not think about what's easier for them.
I understand where your feelings are coming from. I really do. And if they have the money and are supportive, ask. Ask today. Stop waiting. But please dont tell me it isnt emotional blackmail becuase i am the queen of emotional blackmail. Its my super power and how I get people not to leave me. Well used to. Now Im just pretty lol jk
Ok, so I actually called to talk, and told her that we should talk a bit, and I'm going to call her up in 25 minutes... Even just saying one sentence was really difficult without crying. And after that I've been hyperventilating and been physically "numb" where my limbs are just tingling for 5 minutes.
I just don't know how to ask this? What do I say?
Edit: I mean, what am I supposed to keep away from her, and how do I even phrase the question?
Edit: Ok, so I managed to delay it till tomorrow, but did manage to bring up that there's something more important that needs to be talked about... and she'll call me when she's alone, which is tomorrow.
Still, what's a good way to bring it up? What am I supposed to say. Should I only say something like "I would like to ask you to ask my step father about taking borrowing me money, it's for FFS"... then what? How much more is it ok for me to say?
Quote from: Jamie D on January 07, 2014, 06:49:57 PM
Joanna was correct - "emotional blackmail." You need more help than what FFS can provide.
I just looked up the meaning of emotional blackmail
So did I... I'm not lying about that if I don't get the money I will die. What I would be lying about is by holding back information, such as that I'll kill myself without the money, and avoid anything that could make her feel guilty. Isn't that the opposite of emotional blackmailing?
Ηhhhm actcually yes, but you shouldnt be so hard on yourself...
Is your face really that bad? Have you posted a picture in the pass thread? You said you've been on hormones for a few months over the last year. Even a full year of hormones isn't enough for some people, let alone a few months.
Unless we see a picture I think you're being too hard on yourself and not giving the hormones enough time to work
Hi uuuu,
Quote from: uuuu on January 07, 2014, 06:35:02 PM
Well I'm mtf, so in a way my face is physically disfigured because of a genetic disease.... And yes, my issues would resolve if I had FFS. Maybe I would need some therapy afterwards, but they're definitely possible to resolve afterwards, without FFS they can't be resolved.
You may need to stop and rethink your whole approach to this matter. Your explanation above clearly demonstrates a typical case of putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. That is, in simplistic terms, horses pull carts, they don't push them. Fix the inside first with therapy, then if necessary, fix the outside, not necessarily with FFS.
In my experience of evaluating FFS, the results are generally subtle by comparison to expectation. Have you discussed the alternatives with a beautician? Generally, hair style, make up and HT combine to do a better job than FFS.
If your genetic disease is so gross that it's worth considering a permanent solution to a temporary problem, have a look at some people like Aimee Mullins; then compare her disability with yours, including outcomes.
Quote from: uuuu on January 07, 2014, 06:35:02 PM
......... "If I don't get this money I'll commit suicide".
Irrespective whether you want to say it or not; that statement is nothing other than emotional blackmail.
Quote from: uuuu on January 07, 2014, 06:35:02 PM
But what if she asks that question directly, do I answer it legitimatly then?
Any question asked by anyone, deserves the
respect of an honest and complete answer. If you want to be a person of character, integrity and authenticity.
With respect
Catherine
Many trans folk use this site to raise money for transition surgeries. http://www.gofundme.com/online-fundraising/ (http://www.gofundme.com/online-fundraising/) hope this helps.
God I should never have brought anything up with her. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.
Quote from: uuuu on January 08, 2014, 12:37:32 PM
God I should never have brought anything up with her. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.
Hey uuuu,
This sort of conversation is bound to bring up emotions. No mother wants to hear their child is considering suicide, so keep that in mind if she is freaking out. If you already told her the extent of the situation, I would suggest just being honest. I know what suicidal feelings can be like and it's not fun to share, but sometime getting things off yyour chest and confiding in a loved one can help. Honesty between family members isn't always a bad thing and I'm sure your mother would like to know you are experiencing these feelings before you do anything.
I know how bad dysphoria can get and have been at a similar mindset myself at times because of it; however, you really should consider tackling these depression issues as well as your issues with your appearance. At the end of the day, dysphoria can be improved with transitioning and it can make much needed changes in our lives, but depression and low self esteem may still need further work (it depends on the situation). It's something I have learned the hard way. In any case, I make no judgement on your situation and just want to offer what little help I may be able to provide. I truly hope you and your family come out of this okay. Keep us posted if it helps.
uuuuu keep asking for advice, and you keep saying you don't know what to do. but you keep repeating yourself about the two things you believe you have as an option; Work or getting a loan (pfft. like who'd wan't to loan you money if you don't have a job, and are unwilling to work for what you want).
So looks like you're pretty screwed. but then again what do I care?
You've been told to seek help, you've been told that a bunch of times.
Edited to Add.
I know uuuuu don't have the ability to listen to your own words in a truly objective manner. but just try to.
I hate to say this uuuu because this is supposed to be a support site, but you sound to me like your selfish and spoiled. None of us here are completely satisfied with our looks but we're willing to work at it ourselves to become more satisfied. Some us have been saving for years for surgeries, facial hair removal, SRS, vocal surgeries, etc., etc., etc. Unless your disabled you need to get a job and start saving for FFS if that's what you want. Me, I won't even consider FFS until I've been on hrt for at least two years minimum maybe more. It takes the hormones a long time to do their thing. In furtherance, as someone else here posted you keep repeating yourself despite getting the same answers from those of us here willing to help you. I'd be ashamed of myself to go to my mother and ask her for money to further my transition, and my mother has it believe me. You need to see a therapist first to begin treating your suicidal tendancies........................That's really all I can say for I'm so upset at reading this...................
I had two options, and only two, no others.
The first option is to ask for money, then there's a low chance I'll get money and have a shot at living, if not then I die. Unfortunately they'd probably feel bad if I died, but that's going to happen either way.
The other option is to straight up die, not leave any letter or any explanation other than that I'm trans. Since if they'd know that what I needed was money, and they had been willing to give that, but also get to know that I didn't "trust" them enough to even ask, I think they'd feel like complete failures.
After a lot of thinking, and some talking, I think that the first option is both easier on my family, and it gives me a small chance to live. Also, generally there are no real arguments for choosing the other option, it's just "but that's low!" and other things that don't matter in the slightest.
What I've been asking for is how I'd even ask it. If I ask for money, they'll ask me what I want the money for, which I'll respond with FFS. Either they don't take it seriously at this point, or they do. They could ask me what I'd do if I don't get the money... which well, you start getting into kind of bad territory. I can't completely predict conversation, so I don't know what to do, I can't just plan it out and try to think of something else while I talk out the conversation on automation. So yeah, that's what I've been asking for since after the first 2 or 3 posts.
Also, I don't care about shame, pride or whatever else there is. I want to live, I know that may very well not happen, but I don't care how spoiled or pathetic I'd look getting there.
Well I think your on your own. As I said there's no way I'd even consider asking my Mom for a loan like this so, maybe someone else can help you.
Edit: If you don't mind and it may help us to understand, how old are you?
FFS should be the last resort for your problems. You should as what other members said wait 2 years before you decide on FFS. You should take the advice of other members here before you resort to other means.
Quote from: uuuu on January 08, 2014, 05:15:25 PM
I had two options, and only two, no others.
The first option is to ask for money, then there's a low chance I'll get money and have a shot at living, if not then I die. Unfortunately they'd probably feel bad if I died, but that's going to happen either way.
The other option is to straight up die, not leave any letter or any explanation other than that I'm trans. Since if they'd know that what I needed was money, and they had been willing to give that, but also get to know that I didn't "trust" them enough to even ask, I think they'd feel like complete failures.
After a lot of thinking, and some talking, I think that the first option is both easier on my family, and it gives me a small chance to live. Also, generally there are no real arguments for choosing the other option, it's just "but that's low!" and other things that don't matter in the slightest.
What I've been asking for is how I'd even ask it. If I ask for money, they'll ask me what I want the money for, which I'll respond with FFS. Either they don't take it seriously at this point, or they do. They could ask me what I'd do if I don't get the money... which well, you start getting into kind of bad territory. I can't completely predict conversation, so I don't know what to do, I can't just plan it out and try to think of something else while I talk out the conversation on automation. So yeah, that's what I've been asking for since after the first 2 or 3 posts.
Also, I don't care about shame, pride or whatever else there is. I want to live, I know that may very well not happen, but I don't care how spoiled or pathetic I'd look getting there.
I won't make any judgement on your plan. If this is a final straw for you, just tell your parents how you feel. It will definetely be a hard conversation, but if you are going to take your own life, please tell them beforehand. They will be glad you had this talk.
Secondly, please consider getting help in the long run. Like I said, I don't judge you for any of this. To be honest, I've had suicidal feelings in the past and they've re-emerged lately, s I realize how bad it can be and how hard it can be. It's a horrible feeling, and I hate seeing others feeling the same way. Are you in therapy? Please give everything a try. If you need FFS and need to ask for it, go ahead. But please give other things a try as well. Don't let FFS be your only treatment. Please consider the great future you can have once you accomplish everything you want and can live freely as yourself. If you can't live for today, please try to live for tomorrow. I know it can be bleak, but we only get one life.
So your afraid of dyeing, and you want to live but..... you have to have ffs or your going to die...
Why? why the dead end no if ands or buts? I think you are scared of living.
most of us here are we are afraid that we don't pass and we get ridiculed about it, we are afraid that we will fail, we are afraid of etc etc etc, it goes on till dark..
I think what you need is a good therapist to use as a sounding board, no-one here really is that or is honestly able to keep going on in these dead ended answers you have.
you don't want to die but you are afraid to live.
talk with your parents tell them the issues- straight up no bs'ng it. if they cant help you financially than they can help you emotionally and with support.
Its scary yes but living life is so much better.
Are you in your early teens by chance?
uuuuu,
Call someone and get help NOW!!!!! You have issues more issues than gender dysphoria. FFS is not going to help with the issues. It sounds like you mom does not have the money and she is divorced from your step dad... So you expect her to go plead with a man she divorced to help you out. To pay for everything I want or need I am looking into legitimate work from home programs. maybe that is a way to do it but to come on here and say that you are going to kill your self and not listen to our pleads for you to talk to someone is quite frankly BS. We have too many girls and guys in our community that do kill themselves. we don't want you to be another. I don't know if I am allowed to do this but if not edited out contact me a kellypatrick817@gmail.com. I am not a professional but am some one that is willing to try to help.
HUGs KELLY.
Ps Call that hotline if you write me. You are too important.
Quote from: Sarah leah on January 08, 2014, 07:48:09 PM
Are you in your early teens by chance?
Yea thats what I was wondering?
Quote from: Allyda on January 08, 2014, 08:32:15 PM
Yea thats what I was wondering?
I was thinking late teens or early twenties. I hope she contacts someone soon.
Quote from: kellypatrick on January 08, 2014, 09:13:04 PM
I was thinking late teens or early twenties. I hope she contacts someone soon.
So do I. It will be a shame if she doesn't.
Well, uhm... So today I talked with my mom. I tried to talk on the phone, which went really badly, I could barely say any words without crying, so it ended up with I told her I'd write her an email instead.
I did not try to emotionally black mail her, I hope it didn't end up like that. I just said I needed surgeries, and also explained that for me to save up that money it's going to take years, and it was very difficult to live this way (as in, the live situation is difficult to handle). And because of that I wanted to ask her for a fairly absurd question, and that if she could ask my step father or anyone who has money, if they could loan it to me.
Anyway, she's known that I've wanted a trachea shave, and that she's fully understanding of, and she's hinted that she'd like to help me pay for it. And well, as it turns out she has about $15k saved up... but she'll ask a few more people to help out on it, like my stepfather, and her parents. So, things may work out... I'm not going to celebrate yet, but it's looking good at least. It's been years where I've not known if I'd live or if I'd die, so this is a big relief.
I have learned that I underestimated her a lot... and she's yeah... I wish everyone could have a parent like her.
You said you've been on hormones. Hopefully this means you aren't self-medicating and have been to a therapist.
Why don't you talk to your therapist about how you feel about needing FFS?
I wish I had self-medded, then I would've had been on hormones for over 4 years now, but I didn't, and I've been on hormones for, I believe, 1 year and 4 months. And I have talked with the my gender therapist about this, about my adams apple, but she wants me to fix my social issues and live full time for at least 1 year before she'd be ok with "giving" me that (basically write a letter to somebody else who'll discuss it).
But well, if I do get this money, which may happen (I don't know if my mom just said she'd fix this money easily was a lie to calm me down, or if she was honest), I'll be able to afford the trachea shave as well anyway. So it doesn't matter anymore, I really just want to get this over with and kind of start to try to live a life.
I just don't understand the big rush. I could if you were my age and like me have put off transition because of family problems (and even I'm willing to let the hormones do their thing before considering any surgeries except 1 -SRS cause I know it has to be done) but you don't sound like your that old. Anyone else here feel as I do?
Quote from: Allyda on January 09, 2014, 05:54:27 PM
I just don't understand the big rush. I could if you were my age and like me have put off transition because of family problems (and even I'm willing to let the hormones do their thing before considering any surgeries except 1 -SRS cause I know it has to be done) but you don't sound like your that old. Anyone else here feel as I do?
to be honest this whole conversation is quite off center. I mean I don't personally know the mother but I'm being asked to basically know how she'll react.
Quote from: uuuu on January 07, 2014, 02:15:04 PM
Yes, I'm not going to live with this face, so I'll kill myself if it doesn't work out. But, I've kind of come to be sorta ok with it...
Ok so I've noticed your not really replying to any of the offered help here. You keep posting the same I'll kill myself if I don't have my way for this or I'll kill myself if I cant do this. But yet you wont try to earn it or accept help.. but you'll mooch it off someone else's kindness... Personally this offends me because your acting like a brat in this situation and using your life as a excuse to get what you want. Just like a small child crying endlessly to get a toy. Everyone here has had their own personal struggles in their transition and every one of them, has been a very up hill challenge. If you cant accept that in life you have to earn your own rewards to appreciate them. Then by all means just do what your going to do. Because at some point your charade will no longer work and perhaps you will commit to your end result. Its a shame really. but you don't seem to value anything you have or you've achieved or the fact you have a family loving enough to support you. so why bother helping you when clearly you need to assess how lucky you really are with what you already have?
Its a shame this has to be my first post here, hopefully you'll learn something from it.
Quote from: Natallie553 on January 09, 2014, 08:21:59 PM
Ok so I've noticed your not really replying to any of the offered help here. You keep posting the same I'll kill myself if I don't have my way for this or I'll kill myself if I cant do this. But yet you wont try to earn it or accept help.. but you'll mooch it off someone else's kindness... Personally this offends me because your acting like a brat in this situation and using your life as a excuse to get what you want. Just like a small child crying endlessly to get a toy. Everyone here has had their own personal struggles in their transition and every one of them, has been a very up hill challenge. If you cant accept that in life you have to earn your own rewards to appreciate them. Then by all means just do what your going to do. Because at some point your charade will no longer work and perhaps you will commit to your end result. Its a shame really. but you don't seem to value anything you have or you've achieved or the fact you have a family loving enough to support you. so why bother helping you when clearly you need to assess how lucky you really are with what you already have?
Its a shame this has to be my first post here, hopefully you'll learn something from it.
Thank you Natallie. You said what alot of us have been trying to but couldn't so concisely. And from all of us here, Welcome to Susans. ;)
Quote from: Allyda on January 09, 2014, 05:54:27 PM
I just don't understand the big rush. I could if you were my age and like me have put off transition because of family problems
Because I didn't suddenly one day realize I wanted FFS. I've thought about it for a long time (years), and tried to figure out a way to make money, but I really couldn't figure one out. And now I am at the end of the line, where the only possible way would be a loan.
Also, I'm not sure what you meant with family problems, but you said "your age", so I suppose it's your own family. If you married somebody pre-transition, then you really can't talk about anyone acting selfish or like a brat, marrying somebody and staying with them for some years without telling them about your trans situation is about as selfish as you can get. And no, marriage is a decision you make yourself, you don't suddenly end up married by growing up, it's something you have to actively engage in.
So yeah, that makes me a bit annoyed, don't start talking about how somebody is being "immoral" when you're being so yourself, and even far more immoral yourself...
Quote from: Natallie553 on January 09, 2014, 08:21:59 PM
Ok so I've noticed your not really replying to any of the offered help here.
I asked for opinions on option A and B, and people started commented on option C that was non-existent. I did even tell them that it wasn't possible, but that didn't stop the option C discussion.
I think this topic has run it's course.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 10, 2014, 05:57:19 AM
I think this topic has run it's course.
this is a very mindless dialogue which has no usefulness to the point of questionable authenticity.
first off being MTF does not mean your face is disfigured by a genetic disease unless you were born with 2 noses lets say. or have elephant man's disease.
being born male and being mtf is not a genetic disease unless you have an intersexed condition. Do you?
being intersexed is a condition not a disease.
it is doubtful you will die if you don't get FFS. if you keep saying you are going to die people will think you belong in a looney bin . transgender suicide is real and not a bargaining chip.
please don't off yourself.
did you tell your gender shrink or a non gender shrink about killing yourself. you should.
You have to cope the best you can as we all do
A bit of a problem????
Look, I have to agree with everyone else. I've just read the first page, and you are talking way too much about killing yourself. I was suicidal just once, a few months ago, for an hour or so. Let me tell you, my therapist was watching me like a hawk, and that was nearly a week later. Get some help. I know you don't want to, and you have this FFS problem and such and such, but suicide is not the answer. You will not be a woman in death, you'll be nothing.
Quote from: uuuu on January 10, 2014, 05:53:28 AM
Because I didn't suddenly one day realize I wanted FFS. I've thought about it for a long time (years), and tried to figure out a way to make money, but I really couldn't figure one out. And now I am at the end of the line, where the only possible way would be a loan.
Also, I'm not sure what you meant with family problems, but you said "your age", so I suppose it's your own family. If you married somebody pre-transition, then you really can't talk about anyone acting selfish or like a brat, marrying somebody and staying with them for some years without telling them about your trans situation is about as selfish as you can get. And no, marriage is a decision you make yourself, you don't suddenly end up married by growing up, it's something you have to actively engage in.
So yeah, that makes me a bit annoyed, don't start talking about how somebody is being "immoral" when you're being so yourself, and even far more immoral yourself...
I asked for opinions on option A and B, and people started commented on option C that was non-existent. I did even tell them that it wasn't possible, but that didn't stop the option C discussion.
It was a parent issue, not a marriage. Both of my wives were told I was transgender when we were dating by me. It was their idea to keep dating and move forward. My wives never had a problem with my being trans. It was my adopted parents thart did.
Second, I never said you were "immoral." You have me confused with someone else. I stated that I'd be ashamed of myself to go to my mother and ask for a loan to further my transition. I'm paying for my hrt and will pay for any surgeries myself. I said "my age" cause I just turned 50 years old this past October.
seriously you need to get to a hospital and get help or face life the way everyone on this site does .I'm older have no money, no parents no family , no financial support system other than my two hands. I'd love to have all that was offered by medical science to change my appearance and walk into the sunset never looking back. I can't do that. I thank god I made this far and I'm transitioning. I have a sad life story. I doubt you want to hear. I've let pieces of my life get out hear on Susan's because that's how we learn. Like others here have said we don't want you to die . we have all been there and many more will be there in the future. Get help ,talk to a qualified professional.
Quote from: stephaniec on January 10, 2014, 10:36:53 AM
seriously you need to get to a hospital and get help or face life the way everyone on this site does .I'm older have no money, no parents no family , no financial support system other than my two hands. I'd love to have all that was offered by medical science to change my appearance and walk into the sunset never looking back. I can't do that. I thank god I made this far and I'm transitioning. I have a sad life story. I doubt you want to hear. I've let pieces of my life get out hear on Susan's because that's how we learn. Like others here have said we don't want you to die . we have all been there and many more will be there in the future. Get help ,talk to a qualified professional.
Well said Steph. Now if she'd only listen........
I feel some pity for your situation, I've felt angry and desperate before. What you need to do is take a step back, see what you're really doing. In the time it takes you to wallow in your own self-pity you could be spending that time investing in yourself. If you're out on money and want to afford all the surgeries and the lavish lifestyle that you feel you deserve, then you need to do you, and work your ass off. I'm sure your mom would much rather loan you some money to go to college and better yourself than waste it on an expensive surgery. Find your drive, find what motivates you and don't look back.
Quote from: Allyda on January 10, 2014, 10:50:44 AM
Well said Steph. Now if she'd only listen........
I second this statement. Professional help or more professional help should be found.