I was just wondering if any body thinks that if they would of gotten caring counseling as a child would it of helped them later in life dealing with transgender issues. I was severely affected by whatever was causing me to go down the path of being transgender. I was extremely introverted. I never talked to my parents or siblings. I was an extreme cross dresser at age 4 onward. all through grade school and high school always the same situation. After high school sought out medication in the form of LSD. At the University finally got into therapy. I don't know if this could of been prevented by early intervention or not. I don't think my parents understood how different mentally I was. I'm finally dealing with what was wrong for so long. Just curious if any body thinks they wouldn't had such a hard time in the early years and later if they had better support early on or is the situation too complicated for early help. I'm not saying any thing wrong with being transgender such saying that transition could of been less difficult.
I wish I hadn't kept things to myself all my life, I'm sure my mom would have tried to get me help if i said something. Honestly though I kept things from myself as we'll or didn't accept them until it became too late to ignore it.
I was in and out of therapy as a kid. Not all of them were quacks. There were some perceptive, sensitive therapists who helped me a lot with social and adjustment issue.
No one, not them, not me, even once considered that I might be Trans.
In my late 20s, I went to a therapist specifically asking her to help me understand why I didn't make friends with men. We worked for a year before she gently let me know she had nothing more she could do. Again, not an inkling.
OTOH, I'm not your usual transwoman, in that I never really understood what my feelings meant.
I wish I had known about doctor-patient confidentiality. As a preteen, I knew I needed help, but was terrified to talk to anyone. If I'd known that I could talk to someone impartial confidentially, I might have done that. As it stands, I felt like I was in limbo until I could find the courage to tell my parents. And that took twenty years. :-\
Yeah but what's the point of worrying about it now? I mean, we're the age that we are and can't do anything but deal with the damage we have. We can counsel others, educate, and the rest so that another generation doesn't have to deal with the pains that we currently have to deal with but bellyaching about the fact that we didn't get the support and resources we needed when we were the age when the majority of damage would have been mitigated seems counter-productive.
I'm being curt but, really, there are thought processes that I know for certain are wastes of time, having been there myself and gotten through the other side.
I was born in 1957 and grew up in the 60s and 70s.I was terrified anyone would discover my secret.If someone had intervened I might not have been such a brat and studied harder but I couldn't see the point when all I thought I had to look forward to was jail,the loony bin or the cemetary
I really hate playing the "what if" game. It always seems to end with negative thoughts and emotions. My path is my path, and what has happened cannot change. I'm here, in the now and things are finally going my way.
What if I did transition when I was young? I wouldn't have met my wife, wouldn't have had all the experiences I had, and I would have had to navigate this path in the 1980s, which was obviously much more difficult. Then I would have had to find work and make enough money to finance everything out of pocket. Not impossible, but WOW. I have so much respect for transfolk in decades past. You think we're marginalized NOW?
There were definitely benefits to sucking it all up as long as I could, and I'm glad my life worked out the way it did. Better late than never.
Quote from: Jill F on January 21, 2014, 01:15:57 PM
I really hate playing the "what if" game. It always seems to end with negative thoughts and emotions. My path is my path, and what has happened cannot change. I'm here, in the now and things are finally going my way.
BOOM! THIS!
God, yes! It would have helped... but not me. It would have helped some of the lives I threw into turmoil. Still... I wouldn't change anything unless society also changed to accept it back then as much or more than it does now.
If we want to talk about magic... I'd like to have been born a cis girl, too... or at least just magically change into one with nobody the wiser. That's not going to happen either.
That is a very good point about wishful thinking, Kabit. I wonder if sometimes that wishful thinking adds to the depressive state, all that things that can't be instead of what can.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 21, 2014, 01:27:15 PM
That is a very good point about wishful thinking, Kabit. I wonder if sometimes that wishful thinking adds to the depressive state, all that things that can't be instead of what can.
I think it does. I think it's more important to talk about what we can do to help with early intervention in current trans youth than to lament our own pasts. It's the sort of thinking I strike down whenever it appears in me.
Observing our past, the actual events, and reflecting on them
can be healing, though. I spent my first few months OOTC doing just that.
That too, is thinking about what you can do instead of can't. You can make it easier for those who follow.
Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 21, 2014, 01:04:54 PM
Yeah but what's the point of worrying about it now? I mean, we're the age that we are and can't do anything
I'm being curt but, really, there are thought processes that I know for certain are wastes of time, having been there myself and gotten through the other side.
I thought this site was about helping others, such as parents whose children may be facing similar difficulties. So, no, I don't think it's a waste of time.
Yeah, don't sweat it, Eve. The past is the past.
Quote from: JS on January 21, 2014, 01:49:15 PM
I thought this site was about helping others, such as parents whose children may be facing similar difficulties. So, no, I don't think it's a waste of time.
If this was about that, it would have been a very different conversation and you're taking my words out of context to be argumentative. Stop. I addressed the needs of future generations in my post where you clipped this from.
Quote from: stephaniec on January 21, 2014, 11:08:36 AM
I was just wondering if any body thinks that if they would of gotten caring counseling as a child would it of helped them later in life dealing with transgender issues. I was severely affected by whatever was causing me to go down the path of being transgender. I was extremely introverted. I never talked to my parents or siblings. I was an extreme cross dresser at age 4 onward. all through grade school and high school always the same situation. After high school sought out medication in the form of LSD. At the University finally got into therapy. I don't know if this could of been prevented by early intervention or not. I don't think my parents understood how different mentally I was. I'm finally dealing with what was wrong for so long. Just curious if any body thinks they wouldn't had such a hard time in the early years and later if they had better support early on or is the situation too complicated for early help. I'm not saying any thing wrong with being transgender such saying that transition could of been less difficult.
Absolutely.
Growing up in the late 60's and 70's, we were left to agonize in silence and have everyone wonder what the hay was wrong with us. I'm glad to see kids today get the attention they need regarding gender dysphoria.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 21, 2014, 01:51:10 PM
Yeah, don't sweat it, Eve. The past is the past.
Indeed. Worrying about what you
could have done (but ultimately can't do) is self-defeating, pointless and will just depress the hell out of you in the end.
Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on January 21, 2014, 01:54:04 PM
If this was about that, it would have been a very different conversation and you're taking my words out of context to be argumentative. Stop. I addressed the needs of future generations in my post where you clipped this from.
Calm down.
I don't know how talking about early intervention could be construed as anything other than helping others. Surely you don't think it's about magic, time travel and/or wishful thinking?
But, hey, you got through to the other side, so who cares.
I'm not sure what would have changed if my parents, a friend or a health professional had known about my childhood cross-dressing, but I'm fairly certain that I'd be quite a different person today if they did. My guess is that I'd be better adjusted, because the mystique surrounding my clandestine activities would have been exploded. My behaviours would be somewhat normalised as they'd have a social context, rather than that important aspect of my personality existing in a vacuum.
Then again, with respect to health professionals specifically, I'm not sure what the protocols for people like me were back in 1976, so there could have been an adverse outcome. I think people facing these issues today have a far greater number of health and support options.
I regret now that my mother didn't push me into therapy when I was younger, it might have allowed me to accept myself at a much earlier time in my life. I might have been able to spend most of my life as a woman or even reduced the emotional melt down that I am still suffering from.
I have frequently referred to my life attempting to pretend I was male as "Living in Stealth". i've compared it to being a bit like a spy, an undercover cop in the mob, or a Jewish person in Nazi Europe.
Just before my father died, I found out how truly accurate this description was. By the time I told my parents, the first time, I was about 6 years old. I was in tears because my mother had unlocked the bathroom door and saw me in her clothes. After she went to the bathroom, (which was why she unlocked the door, she came out and sat on her bed with me. I cried, telling her how much I wanted to be a girl. She seemed understanding and even took me shopping for a pair of tights.
A few days later, everything changed! They told me that I should never get dressed in public and I shouldn't tell ANYONE about wanting to be a girl.
It turned out that my mother had spoken to her therapist about the issue, and she was told by the psychologist that the "treatment" for transsexuals was daily electroshock for 30 days in a row, "Aversion Therapy" (torture), and if those failed, then lobotomy. There was not even the possibility of gender reassignment. Granted this was in 1961, nearly 8 years before Harry Benjamin wrote his study of transsexuals. Christine Jorgensen had written her book and her story had already been out for around 5 years. Still, the AMA and APA did not endorse SRS or even HRT. Doctors could lose their licenses and/or hospital privileges if they assisted a transition. Castrating a man was considered worse than giving a woman an abortion.
My mother had already been through daily electroshock - 3 separate 30 day treatments, of daily shocks. Back in those days, there was no anesthesia, no paralytic, and the patient was usually forcibly bound in 5 point restraints.
When I tried to bring it up with my father, he would tell me "I took a test in college and they told me I was 75% female". At work, however, he dead-ended his career by wearing a pink tie to work. He tried to encourage me to "pretend you're a boy".
Mom was even more covert. We began devising a code to let me know which clothes I could take and which ones I couldn't. She would tie a loose knot in her pantyhose, which meant I could wash them and then "throw them away". We also had a "goodwill pile" - from which I could take what I wanted.
Even when she found a stash of stuff that included a sexy teddy I really liked, she didn't get angry because I had the stash, she only got mad because I didn't ask for it and just stole it.
When I was 11, she began taking me shopping, and asked me to help her pick out clothes for her. She'd wear them once or twice then put it on the "goodwill" pile, from which i would take it. She even bought a pair of Go-Go boots she couldn't possibly wear because a polio operation had resulted in an ankle the size of a grapefruit. it was a miracle she could even get them zipped. Those actually ended up in my closet mysteriously. She even got a wig to cover a bad hairdo, even though she only wore it for about 2 weeks.
Due to asthma (stress aggravated), I was seeing a psychologist several times a week. When I tried to tell HIM that I wanted to be a girl, he said "we know, and you probably should be a girl, but we aren't allowed to talk about that". During a research study, they had put me with the girls' dorm house mother and my asthma improved so radically that they actually considered taking me out of the home. However, when they put me with the boys' dorm house mother, my asthma got so bad i almost had to be hospitalized.
I was a bit different, having undescended testes, I barely met the minimum requirements to be a boy. Even what I did have was significantly smaller than what other boys had. There is even a scar that seems to indicate surgery on my scrotum.
When I was 11, my testes dropped, and I wasn't happy about it. I knew that i would be changing into a man and it made me almost suicidal. By the time I was 14, i had a deep bass voice and became self-destructive, turning to recreational drugs, alcohol, and prescription drugs that led to a misdiagnosis of epilepsy. Before long I was drinking into black-outs where I either ended up in the coat room with my head between almost anyone's legs, or with everyone in the room ready to kill me and everyone I was with.
I tried to kill myself at least 40-50 times between high school and college. Attempts ranged from drug overdoses to playing matador with cars on a dark curvy road to eating 1/4 pound of glass chips and ground glass. Somehow, I survived. Ironically, even though I was seeing a therapist, each time I tried to bring up the transsexuality, they refused to even allow me to discuss it.
It wasn't until I was almost 25 years old and was working a 12 step program that I finally shared it with a sponsor as part of my 5th step that I got ANY feedback at all. Even then, it was very limited guidance. I told my girlfriend and when she seemed to accept it, I decided to marry her. I didn't find out until 12 years later that she never accepted, but she didn't want to lose me.
8 years, 1 marriage, and 2 kids later, we went for couples counseling. This time, my wife brought up the gender issues, and the therapist arranged a one-on-one. By the end he told me and my wife that I was a transsexual and would probably end up in an early grave if I did not transition.
I started transition and my wife and I got divorced. It was only when my wife threatened to have my visitation revoked, showing me a letter from a social worker advising that visitation be revoked or at least supervised, unless I stopped the transition, that I aborted the transition.
A 170 lbs, a heart attack, a stroke later, my father's death bed wish was "If I give you nothing else, be yourself, even if that's Debbie".
I've been in transition for over 2 years now, am living full time as female, and am happier and healthier that i have been in a very long time.
When I was a child in the 1950s ANY support would have been greatly welcomed! The first psychiatrist I saw at age 15 (someone my mother found) had never heard of transsexualism and refused to even look into it. Instead he pronounced me homosexual and suggested to my parents that I be put on testosterone to "make a man of me". My insistence that I was/should have been a girl was considered a delusion and things like aversion therapy and forced incarceration was suggested. Not only did I not have any support but they were going to "cure" me even if it destroyed me! >:( I didn't give up - I kept pushing - but I was careful not to cross the line that was going to get me institutionalized.
But I survived. I found the help I needed but I had to knock on a lot of doors and educate quite a few doctors.
Do I wish it had been different? Of course! If I had been born in the last 10 years, I would be one of those youngsters in transition before puberty, but I wasn't. As it is, I am glad to have opened a lot of doors. Too many TS people were dying back then and I would like to think I helped change things.
How could it not help?
50 years ago, it wouldn't have helped, because the docs would have tried convincing me to be male. But today... I'm jealous of kids who get to go to elementary school in their right gender, and who never have to go through the wrong puberty.
Thank you, Debbie, for sharing your experiences. I am a child of the 1950's as well. We did not have much in the way of resources, even in college. I remember going into the stacks at the main library on campus and reading issues of Psychology Today, looking for answers.
But you know what you, me, Northern Jane, Cindy, and others of our generation are? Survivors.
Hope to see more from you on the boards.
My mother attempted some "intervention" at about 12 I think maybe 11, I don't remember, but that "intervention" left me with several emotional scar's so no the intervention didn't help, it just made me hate myself and being alive at the time which in turn led me to self harm, and more "intervention" and more scar's :( no the intervention didn't help ..............actually , that's my input on this, and this the past is the past and can- not and will not be changed. looking back at it only leads to regret or depression, keep your eyes on the present and the future, which you can change and can be happy.
Quote from: debbie1lawrence on January 21, 2014, 07:05:54 PM
I have frequently referred to my life attempting to pretend I was male as "Living in Stealth". i've compared it to being a bit like a spy, an undercover cop in the mob, or a Jewish person in Nazi Europe.
Just before my father died, I found out how truly accurate this description was. By the time I told my parents, the first time, I was about 6 years old. I was in tears because my mother had unlocked the bathroom door and saw me in her clothes. After she went to the bathroom, (which was why she unlocked the door, she came out and sat on her bed with me. I cried, telling her how much I wanted to be a girl. She seemed understanding and even took me shopping for a pair of tights.
A few days later, everything changed! They told me that I should never get dressed in public and I shouldn't tell ANYONE about wanting to be a girl.
It turned out that my mother had spoken to her therapist about the issue, and she was told by the psychologist that the "treatment" for transsexuals was daily electroshock for 30 days in a row, "Aversion Therapy" (torture), and if those failed, then lobotomy. There was not even the possibility of gender reassignment. Granted this was in 1961, nearly 8 years before Harry Benjamin wrote his study of transsexuals. Christine Jorgensen had written her book and her story had already been out for around 5 years. Still, the AMA and APA did not endorse SRS or even HRT. Doctors could lose their licenses and/or hospital privileges if they assisted a transition. Castrating a man was considered worse than giving a woman an abortion.
My mother had already been through daily electroshock - 3 separate 30 day treatments, of daily shocks. Back in those days, there was no anesthesia, no paralytic, and the patient was usually forcibly bound in 5 point restraints.
When I tried to bring it up with my father, he would tell me "I took a test in college and they told me I was 75% female". At work, however, he dead-ended his career by wearing a pink tie to work. He tried to encourage me to "pretend you're a boy".
Mom was even more covert. We began devising a code to let me know which clothes I could take and which ones I couldn't. She would tie a loose knot in her pantyhose, which meant I could wash them and then "throw them away". We also had a "goodwill pile" - from which I could take what I wanted.
Even when she found a stash of stuff that included a sexy teddy I really liked, she didn't get angry because I had the stash, she only got mad because I didn't ask for it and just stole it.
When I was 11, she began taking me shopping, and asked me to help her pick out clothes for her. She'd wear them once or twice then put it on the "goodwill" pile, from which i would take it. She even bought a pair of Go-Go boots she couldn't possibly wear because a polio operation had resulted in an ankle the size of a grapefruit. it was a miracle she could even get them zipped. Those actually ended up in my closet mysteriously. She even got a wig to cover a bad hairdo, even though she only wore it for about 2 weeks.
Due to asthma (stress aggravated), I was seeing a psychologist several times a week. When I tried to tell HIM that I wanted to be a girl, he said "we know, and you probably should be a girl, but we aren't allowed to talk about that". During a research study, they had put me with the girls' dorm house mother and my asthma improved so radically that they actually considered taking me out of the home. However, when they put me with the boys' dorm house mother, my asthma got so bad i almost had to be hospitalized.
I was a bit different, having undescended testes, I barely met the minimum requirements to be a boy. Even what I did have was significantly smaller than what other boys had. There is even a scar that seems to indicate surgery on my scrotum.
When I was 11, my testes dropped, and I wasn't happy about it. I knew that i would be changing into a man and it made me almost suicidal. By the time I was 14, i had a deep bass voice and became self-destructive, turning to recreational drugs, alcohol, and prescription drugs that led to a misdiagnosis of epilepsy. Before long I was drinking into black-outs where I either ended up in the coat room with my head between almost anyone's legs, or with everyone in the room ready to kill me and everyone I was with.
I tried to kill myself at least 40-50 times between high school and college. Attempts ranged from drug overdoses to playing matador with cars on a dark curvy road to eating 1/4 pound of glass chips and ground glass. Somehow, I survived. Ironically, even though I was seeing a therapist, each time I tried to bring up the transsexuality, they refused to even allow me to discuss it.
It wasn't until I was almost 25 years old and was working a 12 step program that I finally shared it with a sponsor as part of my 5th step that I got ANY feedback at all. Even then, it was very limited guidance. I told my girlfriend and when she seemed to accept it, I decided to marry her. I didn't find out until 12 years later that she never accepted, but she didn't want to lose me.
8 years, 1 marriage, and 2 kids later, we went for couples counseling. This time, my wife brought up the gender issues, and the therapist arranged a one-on-one. By the end he told me and my wife that I was a transsexual and would probably end up in an early grave if I did not transition.
I started transition and my wife and I got divorced. It was only when my wife threatened to have my visitation revoked, showing me a letter from a social worker advising that visitation be revoked or at least supervised, unless I stopped the transition, that I aborted the transition.
A 170 lbs, a heart attack, a stroke later, my father's death bed wish was "If I give you nothing else, be yourself, even if that's Debbie".
I've been in transition for over 2 years now, am living full time as female, and am happier and healthier that i have been in a very long time.
Thanks so much for sharing . I had a minor encounter with aversion therapy. I don't know if my parents were being advised or they did it on their own. It was an incident of sending me to school in 1st or 2nd grade with girls snow books magic markered to try to make them look like male boots. It embarrassed me so , to the point of crying and screaming. I was an extreme cross dresser from 4 on and I guess they'd figure to try to scare me out of it. Obviously it didn't work and their solution was to have me sleep in their room away from my sisters clothes. That didn't work either. I guess hopefully it's better these days with counseling I'm glad when I was a kid I didn't see a therapist because of my being extreme introverted and having a extreme case of cross dressing they probably put me in a chair and let the switch wide open. I doubt I would of opened up to a therapist any way. Maybe in these days it's possible to get caring help I hope so for the sake of kids. If I would had have a caring therapist that could of gotten into my brain I might have not gone through the hell I did growing up. I don't know. I do believe though that my gender problem is genetic and nothing could of changed me being female.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 21, 2014, 02:19:29 PM
Indeed. Worrying about what you could have done (but ultimately can't do) is self-defeating, pointless and will just depress the hell out of you in the end.
I'm sorry you must be referring to me twin , she moved to the Andes And can't be reached by any means of communication , sorry
I learned of my moms transphobia at eight years old before I had come out. I do not think it would have been a good thing...I wish it could have been a good thing.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 21, 2014, 02:19:29 PM
Indeed. Worrying about what you could have done (but ultimately can't do) is self-defeating, pointless and will just depress the hell out of you in the end.
well, I don't know, if your an educator or physician or have some involvement of some sort in children's lives you could make a big difference in how the child accepts his or her self.
I am not sure if it would or not, yet I do find myself wishing I was growing up more in today age. It feels as if transgender issues are becoming more aware by society.
When I was really young personal computers were just becoming a thing, and the internet was just becoming a thing. It wasn't till my early teens that I had my own computer and by then I was locked up in my room playing videos games instead of dealing with my feelings. I also I never even heard of transgender. The closest thing I got was called a cross-dresser for wanted to always roleplay female characters in video games from someone I barely knew online. I remember getting in a fight with them and being really adamant about not being a cross-dresser.
Back then my dysphoria wasn't so bad. It wasn't till later middle and high-school that I really couldn't stop desiring/wanting to become female, but by then I was so walled up in denial I stupidly said. "Nope I'll never transition unless I can 100% become female". Now I am 30 nearly done with college and all I can do is think about how much time I wasted.
So here I am 30 years old, lack of any love life for 20+ years, socially awkward and struggling to find the courage to come out so I can finally find myself.
So no I am not sure if it would help, but boy I wish I got help earlier...
Quote from: Aina on January 22, 2014, 11:00:04 AM
I am not sure if it would or not, yet I do find myself wishing I was growing up more in today age. It feels as if transgender issues are becoming more aware by society.
When I was really young personal computers were just becoming a thing, and the internet was just becoming a thing. It wasn't till my early teens that I had my own computer and by then I was locked up in my room playing videos games instead of dealing with my feelings. I also I never even heard of transgender. The closest thing I got was called a cross-dresser for wanted to always roleplay female characters in video games from someone I barely knew online. I remember getting in a fight with them and being really adamant about not being a cross-dresser.
Back then my dysphoria wasn't so bad. It wasn't till later middle and high-school that I really couldn't stop desiring/wanting to become female, but by then I was so walled up in denial I stupidly said. "Nope I'll never transition unless I can 100% become female". Now I am 30 nearly done with college and all I can do is think about how much time I wasted.
So here I am 30 years old, lack of any love life for 20+ years, socially awkward and struggling to find the courage to come out so I can finally find myself.
So no I am not sure if it would help, but boy I wish I got help earlier...
Well that's what I wish to , because it was a lonely hell with no where to turn. Hopefully things will get better. I spent a long time struggling with this by my self and it was hard, but I do feel so much better now on HRT so life goes on.
Edit... Oops wrong topic
To me questions are just a process of learning, growing, helping, healing and finding better ways to understand life's situations. For me learning is understanding which leads to healing and helping. The intention of questions for me is never to disrupt or harm , but just to try to understand . Sorry
I wish I had found the courage to speak out when I was a child. I don't know that things would have gone any better. I suspect that things would have gone worse. That was back when they were still doing electroshock and kids who were "out of control" could be committed to psych hospitals (read "prison") for being incorrigible, well at least up here in the Great White North. I have come to terms with the notion that I was born too early. I said somewhere else, late is better than never.
-ellie
Quote from: Kaitlin4475 on January 22, 2014, 12:06:35 PM
I generally dislike topics like these because they cause us to reinforce the negative body image that many of us have about ourselves. I wasted a lot of time saying "I wish" to myself, which is a toxic way of thinking. Instead I could've invested that time learning to love myself, finding the features I do love about myself. I feel I am just starting to she'd away that mindset or at least the bad parts about it. Hey a girl can dream but make sure it's just that, and not dwell on it. Hope I'm not coming off as mean.
I see no mean here. Nice pic, by the way.
Quote from: Jill F on January 21, 2014, 01:15:57 PM
I really hate playing the "what if" game. It always seems to end with negative thoughts and emotions. My path is my path, and what has happened cannot change. I'm here, in the now and things are finally going my way.
What Jill said. I don't care for playing 'what if' either. Do I wish I was afforded the same privileges that kids today with progressive parents have and are afforded the opportunity to live as their self-identified gender? Yeah, I'll admit I am a bit envious. But that wasn't my lot and no amount of wishing is going to change it. However, it may take me into a dark and non-productive place that I don't want to be in. So I just choose not to dwell on the 'what ifs' and 'could have beens'.
I was raised in a very conservative and religious family, before the internet and before there was real awareness of trans issues. It's been one hell of a journey getting to where I am now. I'm just glad that I finally feel happy about the path I am on now... as in the present, where I can really affect and see change.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1192.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa325%2Ftrb68%2FMememe.jpg&hash=7a908ccca5001df5618be3acd47f42427fb4ec45)
Everyone's story is abit different from one another.
While growing up I always wanted to ask or talk about being a girl. But I knew if I tried that, my family would have a hard time with it and I could be disowned or just ignored. So I was always a little curious on what would happen if I did tell someone... Heck my school even offered me counseling on other matters and I attended a few sessions for depression. But I never brought up my real thoughts because they would be reported directly to my parents... I guess either way I would get the same result then as I have received now. That result being complete dismissal of my thoughts in my family and no support to be mentioned.
But at least now, I dont have to be dependent of my parents to pursue my own dreams. :eusa_shifty:
When I was young and knew I was female it was as others have said, back when kids were given electroshock therapy and given that my adopted parents were very religeous I feel it would have done more harm than good. As others have said too: I was born too early.
I also agree with those of you who feel bringing up the past isn't a good idea for most of us. It's best to live in the now and for the future. I'm finally living as me, transitioning, on hrt and loving it. I feel better than I can ever remember feeling, and I have all of you wonderful new friends here on this website to talk to about things when I need to. Yes I won't lie to anyone I do wish I'd have transitioned sooner instea of waisting the best years of my life in misery. But what's done is done, I can't change it. Only move on from here. ;)
Quote from: White Rabbit on January 21, 2014, 06:33:26 PM
I regret now that my mother didn't push me into therapy when I was younger, it might have allowed me to accept myself at a much earlier time in my life. I might have been able to spend most of my life as a woman or even reduced the emotional melt down that I am still suffering from.
yea, that's the point to help with transition. This person I am is so totally integrated into my being that the only solution besides death is life as this person. If there would of been enlightened thinking when I grew up and proper care was given to be free with who you were it would of saved a lot of struggle. For me the relevance now of thinking of the past is to help the future.
I'm sorry for all the pain people have gone through, I've been through hell my self, every body has an innate right to believe that which is right for them. It's just that my belief is that you need to understand your personal building blocks to move forward to help your self and others. I know now that people disagree with my attitude of trying to heal my soul through exploration of this unique condition in the realm of being human. Being transgender is quite unique and interesting. I've live it from day one of my life and I love finding ways to heal my self and others. I truly mean no harm to any one ,we've all suffered so much, I've guess I've gotten carried away with trying to explore my own condition and my newly found transition.
Quote from: Gwynne on January 21, 2014, 12:47:51 PM
I wish I had known about doctor-patient confidentiality. As a preteen, I knew I needed help, but was terrified to talk to anyone. If I'd known that I could talk to someone impartial confidentially, I might have done that. As it stands, I felt like I was in limbo until I could find the courage to tell my parents. And that took twenty years. :-\
Same.
I thought about the school, psychologist but I was sure they would have to talk to my parents. I worked sooooo hard to never anyone know, and yet wished everyday I could do what I knew I needed to do.
As quoted by myself [quote:I generally dislike topics like these because they cause us to reinforce the negative body image that many of us have about ourselves. I wasted a lot of time saying "I wish" to myself, which is a toxic way of thinking. Instead I could've invested that time learning to love myself, finding the features I do love about myself. I feel I am just starting to she'd away that mindset or at least the bad parts about it. Hey a girl can dream but make sure it's just that, and not dwell on it..
Sorry everybody I accidentally posted this reply in the wrong topic, it made no sense on this topic so I hope I didn't offend anybody
I honestly don't see any harm with "what ifs or wishing" as long as you know that it is in the past and no matter the amount of what ifs or wishing will change it. Plus what ifs and wishing have helped me pin-points other things and got me thinking about the next step I wanna go.
To answer this one, for me it would depend on the type of early intervention. If you mean a early intervention to in some way keep me living as a male? the no, absolutely not in any way would it have helped me in the least.
Now if you mean early intervention to support and help me begin my transition much earlier in life so I wouldn't have waisted all those years feeling miserable, then yes maybe. If I'd have had someone tell me that waiting wouldn't solve anything with my family and give me examples supporting this, then I would have began my transition much earlier and certainly have lived a much happier life overall, instead of waiting and being miserable and finding out the hard way that my wait was for nothing. So with me it would depend on the type of intervention. ;)
Quote from: Aina on January 23, 2014, 11:45:15 AM
I honestly don't see any harm with "what ifs or wishing" as long as you know that it is in the past and no matter the amount of what ifs or wishing will change it. Plus what ifs and wishing have helped me pin-points other things and got me thinking about the next step I wanna go.
If the purpose is to wallow in self-pity, then I don't see much point. If the purpose is to motivate social change and help out the next generation, then it's entirely worthwhile.
It would have never been an option (despite what my mom says these days). They tend to forget how things really were. I tried to give off as many damn hints as possible and I always got a hostile response, so I gave up by age 12 or so.
The latest I got from my mom is I wear my pony tail too high on my head. I had to laugh just couldn't help myself.. :D
Mum was struggling keeping us fed and sheltered as my dad had been abusive then completely absent my sister went fricking mental with her own issues and she screamed and smashed stuff up so nautrally she got the attention, and fair enough she did have problems.
I was just left to deal with my own issues, I never screamed or cried nearly as loud boys are always chastised more for crying. so nobody noticed when I starved myself until I was a bag of bones under a sweater, and every other night would just go crazy with a razorblade in the bath. Nobody knew anything for years and years.
It was hell, I don't know if someone had found me what would change. A Lie within a secret within a secret leading to the eventual truth that even I was denying in myself. I don't think I even believed in talking about things like that.
Goodness knows if anyone could have unravelled it.
Quote from: Gwynne on January 23, 2014, 05:26:28 PM
If the purpose is to wallow in self-pity, then I don't see much point. If the purpose is motivate social change and hep out the next generation, then it's entirely worthwhile.
I think anyone reading this thread can learn something from both your points.
Quote from: pebbles on January 23, 2014, 06:45:39 PM
Mum was struggling keeping us fed and sheltered as my dad had been abusive then completely absent my sister went fricking mental with her own issues and she screamed and smashed stuff up so nautrally she got the attention, and fair enough she did have problems.
I was just left to deal with my own issues, I never screamed or cried nearly as loud boys are always chastised more for crying. so nobody noticed when I starved myself until I was a bag of bones under a sweater, and every other night would just go crazy with a razorblade in the bath. Nobody knew anything for years and years.
It was hell, I don't know if someone had found me what would change. A Lie within a secret within a secret leading to the eventual truth that even I was denying in myself. I don't think I even believed in talking about things like that.
Goodness knows if anyone could have unravelled it.
It/s the same with me .I was living so deep inside that a psychologist would really of needed to be gifted in order to get me to talk. If some one could of helped me to not feel so ashamed it would of been a big help. The feeling I have of my self that because of the depth of this thing and how early for me it surfaced that its got to be genetic. It would of been nice to have some understanding and acceptance early on.
Can anyone here actually say that seeing a psych has helped them in some way (other than allowing HRT)? I just don't get it. I've seen two psychologists and one psychiatrist, all of them nice enough, but I can't say that any of them helped me in any meaningful way.
Quote from: JS on January 23, 2014, 10:46:55 PM
Can anyone here actually say that seeing a psych has helped them in some way (other than allowing HRT)? I just don't get it. I've seen two psychologists and one psychiatrist, all of them nice enough, but I can't say that any of them helped me in any meaningful way.
Actually, the two that I saw did help in other ways because I could get things out without someone wanting to throw their entirely insignificant opinion into the mix and being a pain in the ass.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 23, 2014, 10:49:10 PM
I could get things out without someone wanting to throw their entirely insignificant opinion into the mix and being a pain in the ass.
Perhaps it's just that I'm a
very private introvert who rarely reveals anything to anyone. I usually end up solving my own problems in my own way. Not trying to wear it as a badge of honour, or anything, it's just who I am. One day I'll just explode and vaporise, I guess. Tick... tick... tick...
Quote from: JS on January 23, 2014, 11:02:31 PM
Perhaps it's just that I'm a very private introvert who rarely reveals anything to anyone.
When I would see a therapist, I would just let it all out. I'm not paying the guy just to sit there like a silent clam.
Quote from: JS on January 23, 2014, 10:46:55 PM
Can anyone here actually say that seeing a psych has helped them in some way (other than allowing HRT)? I just don't get it. I've seen two psychologists and one psychiatrist, all of them nice enough, but I can't say that any of them helped me in any meaningful way.
I can't say where one has helped me in any way at all. A couple have even made me feel worse about myself.
Quote from: JS on January 23, 2014, 10:46:55 PM
Can anyone here actually say that seeing a psych has helped them in some way (other than allowing HRT)? I just don't get it. I've seen two psychologists and one psychiatrist, all of them nice enough, but I can't say that any of them helped me in any meaningful way.
I was empowered. By looking for psychological help, I found informed consent and a good doctor.
Have any shrinks actually helped me? The biggest help came from looking for help.
Other than that, I have someone to talk to every week. Therapy is not bad, the negative stigma is gone.
I actually ended up getting GT as the result of Chemical Dependency Recovery counseling, for the second time at age 60. 20 years before that I had been up to admitting that I was CD to another CDR counselor for my first recovery attempt. The first time kept me sober for 16 years and the therapist had given my CDing validity as something that if it controlled the drinking I was doing, they had gotten the important issue under control!! (Sigh!) I did have 16+ years of general sobriety with a dishonest deep dark secret that broke me and lead into a relapse.
Being born in 1948 gives a hint at the environment I grew up in. The first information I had on TS was a National Enquirer at age 14 as the result of an early crime spree. (I snuck it into an LA Times I bought legitimately.) The next halfway valid information I got was from a Playboy magazine interview with Wendy Carlos when I was 18, At 15 a high school counselor did keep me from going off into a psychotic detachment at almost the last minute, but nothing about being TS or GD could ever be mentioned. A drama teacher who helped me after that had let me do some female roles in a readers theater, and at one point told me she knew my entire life was an act demanded by other people but that all shows reach the end of run, and someday, maybe decades in the future I could star in my own real life.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 23, 2014, 11:06:01 PM
When I would see a therapist, I would just let it all out. I'm not paying the guy just to sit there like a silent clam.
I guess I was speaking generally. I do tell my story to psychs, but I find their responses a bit lacking in substance. Their toolbox rather trite and obvious (or maybe I'm just a bit stupid).
I went through a bit of a crisis when I came out to my partner, but it resolved after some time. I also used to get really bad anxiety attacks about 5-years ago, but I learnt how to identify and talk myself out of them. I haven't had an anxiety attack since, so I must have internalised whatever process I used to avoid them. I'm sure people get something out of seeing a psych, it's just not obvious to me what that something is.
I was born in the 1950s, when the "cure" for transsexuals was electroshock, aversion therapy including shocking the genitalia and poisoning, and if that failed, a lobotomy. So no, had doctors at time officially diagnosed me as transsexual I probably would have ended up a vegetable in some institution somewhere.
I DO wish that I had been able to get the kind of counseling and support they offer today. Now there are even some tests that might have resulted in diagnosis at birth, or at least an awareness before it became an issue.
Good counselors and trained educators would have encouraged me to transition as early as I really wanted to (5 years old) and they would have started me on testosterone blockers (Spiro?) before I started puberty.
As a result I would have had to endure fewer beatings in Elementary school and Jr High, and might have not gotten as self destructive (Drugs, Booze, Suicides, high risk behaviors), or at least would have been able to talk to the therapists about the REAL issues rather than the symptoms.
Thank goodness for AA and NA, because my sponsors were able to help me discuss and address my transsexuality without as much judgement and without the threat of losing their licenses if they didn't turn me over for "De-Programming" immediately.
I DID see counselors in Elementary, Jr High, High School, and in 1977 took a year out of college and did out-patient therapy 6 days a week for 6 hours a day, but they REFUSED to even allow me to discuss being transsexual, even after a nearly effective suicide attempt.
I continued to see other therapists who refused to discuss it and / or discouraged my doing anything about it.
When I finally did encounter a therapist who understood anything about transsexuality, he realized that I was type six, and would either transition or self-destruct one way or the other. It was almost spooky how true it was.
When I started seeing a counselor for transition, i started RLE and he gave me assignments which helped me feel more and more comfortable being myself. There was more happiness, vitality, joy, and also focus and desire to relate to people.
Before coming out, most people knew there was something "phony" about me, and a few even thought I might be a "Ted Bundy" type. I could socialize, but doing so as a man was usually very awkward. Women liked me, as friends, but couldn't figure out why I wasn't trying to have sex with them. Even my sexual partners realize I was a bit "different" and each eventually figured out that I was a lesbian. Often, the discovery resulted in the end of the relationships, sending me into another suicidal tail-spin.
After coming out, it became completely obvious to everyone who knew me that I really WAS DEBBIE. I really was a girl trapped in a boy's body, trying to make my body match my mind. My mother, sister, and brother reacted with "It all makes sense now!". My sister said "I always thought of you as the older sister I never had". I could brush out her hear without it hurting, taught her to do make-up, taught her dance exercises to help her appear more feminine, and so on. Mom had known all along, but realized how much it actually was true, I was a girl inside. My father realized it was true, but struggled with it. I think he was mostly afraid that I would destroy any chance of a career, a happy marriage, or a happy life. He was transgendered as well, preferring to watch "chick flicks", go to symphonies, ballet, and really having no like of sports at all. He just didn't understand why I had to "come out" after spending most of his life in the closet.
For dad, the turning point was when he friended me on facebook. He began to see that if I wanted to "Be myself" that meant being Debbie. Just before he died, i went to be with him, and the first thing he said when we had a chance to talk was "If I can give you nothing else, I want you to be yourself - Even if that's Debbie". For the rest of the time I was with him, I was Debbie, I was myself, and I was taking care of him, and he LOVED the real me! At one point, just before the end, he even thought I was my mother, because we looked so much alike.
I'm now living full time as female. At work I'm "Rexxie", because I haven't done the legal name change yet. Everywhere else, I'm "Debbie" because that's who I am.
The therapist I'm seeing now is helping me through transition. She doesn't even think of me in terms of Rex anymore.
yea, your story is a lot more severe than mine possibly because I remained hidden for so long. I'm thankful I never had to endure the systems aversion therapy. I don't know If my parents thought about professional help or not. I did experience some aversion therapy on a very small scale with a couple of incidents, but nothing on the scale of others at that time period. I did experience the attitude of male is the way from psychiatrist when I sought help in college. Luckily times are changing and will continue to change for the better. hearing these stories of the past treatment by the medical establishment in the 50',60 and 70's It's been quite a surprise .I never knew that happened. I was my self a very severe case of a child with extreme dysphoria. I'm thankful my parents chose to let me be.
Quote from: KabitTarah on January 24, 2014, 07:16:00 AM
Yes. The therapist was less useful for my personal issues, though I can see how coming to terms with being trans might require one (I spent 20 years doing that on my own... then came OOTC).
What the therapist was helpful for was having someone to talk to who wasn't entirely against me... that didn't turn into a fight... but who knew I was trans. When I started seeing him, exactly three people knew (my wife and my parents).
Now it is less useful for that, but more useful for helping plan my means of reconnecting with people and helping my kids.
I guess I've been pretty lucky with psychiatrists , psychologists and social workers . I did have a bad psychologist once, he wasn't much help. For the most part though I've had some incredibly helpful therapists in the past and present. I've been through quite a lot of therapy. My first psychiatrist was at 20 years old while going to a state university. He basically saved me from dying of starvation. I was a severe anorexic . It looked like I had spent a lot of time in a Nazi concentration camp. I didn't talk about me being transgender at the time because I was dealing with severe addiction to LSD. I slowly started to open up about the transgender part to other psychologists . They were extremely important to me in excepting of my self. It took a long time for me to start to transition because I mistakenly thought I could fix my self with out help because I did experience that one not so good psychologist. I sought help again from a psychiatrist and therapist working together. I can't say enough about the help I've gotten from therapists, really its the only reason I'm still alive. sorry for the rant.
I guess I've just had bad luck with therapists -especially psychologists. Part of it with psychologists though is my fault. I have a science background and, well, I do not really consider psychology a science, so to speak. So I kind of probably go in with the wrong attitude which is compounded if the psychologist is half my age and a man. I know my new FP is going to want me to see a therapist of some sort, and I plan to ask to see a psychiatrist who is female and at least closer to my age. I see my FP again on Feb 3rd so we'll see. ;)
Quote from: Allyda on January 24, 2014, 12:01:11 PM
I guess I've just had bad luck with therapists -especially psychologists. Part of it with psychologists though is my fault. I have a science background and, well, I do not really consider psychology a science, so to speak. So I kind of probably go in with the wrong attitude which is compounded if the psychologist is half my age and a man. I know my new FP is going to want me to see a therapist of some sort, and I plan to ask to see a psychiatrist who is female and at least closer to my age. I see my FP again on Feb 3rd so we'll see. ;)
My psychiatrist gave me a choice between male or female counselor. I chose female who turned out to be my age. she's great. She's totally understanding and I love our meetings. There are bad ones out there though.
Let me state this - I wish I could have had support as a child and transitioned as a child or teenager. But this is an unrealistic wish.
I was born (like others) in the 1950s, 1957 to be exact. I grew up in coal mine and steel mill country. It was routinely accepted for adults and even teachers to say things like "Beat the sissy out of him. Just no broken bones, lost ears, eye, or teeth. Nothing permanent, but yeah, go ahead, make a man out of him."
When you grow up in that environment you learn very quickly to suppress. I wish I had not. I wish I had had support. I wish I wasn't driven to fear myself the bulk of my life.
But I also can't change the past so I try not to worry about it. If I could go back and tell myself what I know now, I would. But I can't so it's just a thought exercise that has no real meaning to me.
:)
Quote from: LizMarie on January 24, 2014, 01:00:38 PM
Let me state this - I wish I could have had support as a child and transitioned as a child or teenager. But this is an unrealistic wish.
I was born (like others) in the 1950s, 1957 to be exact. I grew up in coal mine and steel mill country. It was routinely accepted for adults and even teachers to say things like "Beat the sissy out of him. Just no broken bones, lost ears, eye, or teeth. Nothing permanent, but yeah, go ahead, make a man out of him."
When you grow up in that environment you learn very quickly to suppress. I wish I had not. I wish I had had support. I wish I wasn't driven to fear myself the bulk of my life.
But I also can't change the past so I try not to worry about it. If I could go back and tell myself what I know now, I would. But I can't so it's just a thought exercise that has no real meaning to me.
:)
I think is has a lot of meaning to help others understand what people have gone through to help that it doesn't keep being like that. Also putting it in context of the mentality of the environment and not the individual dealing with it was the cause of the suffering. Any time there's a chance to educate to change for the better it should be taken. I find it incredibly healthful for my personality to realize the problems were with the bullies that tormented me rather than some thing that was innately wrong with me.
Quote from: Allyda on January 24, 2014, 12:01:11 PM
I guess I've just had bad luck with therapists -especially psychologists. Part of it with psychologists though is my fault. I have a science background and, well, I do not really consider psychology a science, so to speak. So I kind of probably go in with the wrong attitude which is compounded if the psychologist is half my age and a man. I know my new FP is going to want me to see a therapist of some sort, and I plan to ask to see a psychiatrist who is female and at least closer to my age. I see my FP again on Feb 3rd so we'll see. ;)
I hear you. I think it would be more useful to discuss it with a friend that's known me for a long time. But seriously, who wants to unload that kind of baggage on a friend.
Quote from: LizMarie on January 24, 2014, 01:00:38 PM
I was born in the 1950s, 1957 to be exact. It was routinely accepted for adults and even teachers to say things like "Beat the sissy out of him. Just no broken bones, lost ears, eye, or teeth. Nothing permanent, but yeah, go ahead, make a man out of him."
When you grow up in that environment you learn very quickly to suppress.
I was an 80's kid but some of those attitudes remained. But I was born a fighter so, naturally, my instinct was to fight back. It caused a lot of problems but I didn't care. I wasn't going to let anyone force me to be something that I wasn't. Sure, I had to pick my battles, but I fought back against anything that didn't get me locked up or tossed out of the house. I remember a few times I was actually threatened with being thrown out (not because of the gender issues) and I basically called their bluff. Once I told them to 'just go ahead and do it', they would always back down. We still fought, though.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 24, 2014, 03:02:03 PM
I was an 80's kid but some of those attitudes remained. But I was born a fighter so, naturally, my instinct was to fight back. It caused a lot of problems but I didn't care. I wasn't going to let anyone force me to be something that I wasn't. Sure, I had to pick my battles, but I fought back against anything that didn't get me locked up or tossed out of the house. I remember a few times I was actually threatened with being thrown out (not because of the gender issues) and I basically called their bluff. Once I told them to 'just go ahead and do it', they would always back down. We still fought, though.
Yea, when it comes down to it you have to fight if your able. Bullies picked on me in 1st and 2nd and 3rd grades. When I got to 8th grade I fought back and did pretty good.
Quote from: stephaniec on January 24, 2014, 05:03:25 PM
Yea, when it comes down to it you have to fight if your able. Bullies picked on me in 1st and 2nd and 3rd grades. When I got to 8th grade I fought back and did pretty good.
The entire 12 years in school sucked for me but 2nd, 4th-8th grades were the worst. I did have one moment where I was finally alone with the "head bully" from the 4th grade one in 9th grade and I honestly could have beat that prick to death with zero remorse but I was in sooooo much trouble already from failing all but one class (in which I was the pet student with an A+ :D), cutting classes to get high, sleeping in class that I decided to restrain myself from going off on this little scumbag. BUT I will NEVER forget that look of fear on him when we locked eyes now that he finally didn't have ten people to back him up. THAT was enough validation at the end of the day, that I was able to walk away and think "Yeah, you better be scared because you have NO idea how lucky you are that are you not only walking away in one piece, that you aren't being carried out in a body bag." I had a LOT of rage built up over what that prick and his friends had put me through those past few years. My life would have turned out radically different that's for sure.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 24, 2014, 05:51:56 PM
The entire 12 years in school sucked for me but 2nd, 4th-8th grades were the worst. I did have one moment where I was finally alone with the "head bully" from the 4th grade one in 9th grade and I honestly could have beat that prick to death with zero remorse but I was in sooooo much trouble already from failing all but one class (in which I was the pet student with an A+ :D), cutting classes to get high, sleeping in class that I decided to restrain myself from going off on this little scumbag. BUT I will NEVER forget that look of fear on him when we locked eyes now that he finally didn't have ten people to back him up. THAT was enough validation at the end of the day, that I was able to walk away and think "Yeah, you better be scared because you have NO idea how lucky you are that are not only walking away in one piece, that you aren't being carried out in a body bag." I had a LOT of rage built up over what that prick and his friends had put me through those past few years. My life would have turned out radically different that's for sure.
felt that rage too after all that crap.
Quote from: stephaniec on January 24, 2014, 06:01:10 PM
felt that rage too after all that crap.
Well, I like to think the guy has a life that he totally hates and he's probably the same loser now that he was back then. The irony of the whole thing was that, the entire 4 year stint started because I blacked his eye after he tried to start a fight with me because I was "a ->-bleeped-<-gy little wuss". BUT I wasn't the one that had ten people around me to back me up all the time. The minimum amount he EVER had around was 3 people.
Hmmm, WHO is the coward in a situation like that?
I'm sure karma will have had it's revenge on him by now. As for me, in school I was the over achiever and got advanced a couple of grades graduating high school early. I just wanted the experience over as soon as possible and the way I saw for that to happen was to get the best grades I could. It worked. I was always thinner and smaller than others my own age. Fortunately I played drums and picked up a few other instruments as well and it being the 70's long hair was cool so I didn't get picked on too much.
Quote from: Allyda on January 25, 2014, 07:57:56 AM
I'm sure karma will have had it's revenge on him by now. As for me, in school I was the over achiever and got advanced a couple of grades graduating high school early. I just wanted the experience over as soon as possible and the way I saw for that to happen was to get the best grades I could. It worked. I was always thinner and smaller than others my own age. Fortunately I played drums and picked up a few other instruments as well and it being the 70's long hair was cool so I didn't get picked on too much.
I wish I was able to do that in High School . I hated High School.
Quote from: Allyda on January 25, 2014, 07:57:56 AM
I'm sure karma will have had it's revenge on him by now. As for me, in school I was the over achiever and got advanced a couple of grades graduating high school early. I just wanted the experience over as soon as possible and the way I saw for that to happen was to get the best grades I could. It worked. I was always thinner and smaller than others my own age. Fortunately I played drums and picked up a few other instruments as well and it being the 70's long hair was cool so I didn't get picked on too much.
I usually just screwed off in class because I didn't care about my grades. The only exception was Social Studies. I was always the top student in the class, was always engaged in heavy discussions about whatever we were studying. So, I always ended up being the teacher's pet as a result of that. It didn't hurt that almost every Social Studies class I had was taught by middle aged women, who I always got along with for some reason. The only exceptions was in 8th grade when I had a male teacher for a general Social Studies class and a male teacher for my 10th grade History class. But in 10th grade that was the ONLY time I ever failed a class like that. Well, I got a "D", but to me that was still a failing grade because I usually aced those classes. The teacher knew I had the potential to do it and asked me why I was doing so poorly. I told him the truth: That I didn't care anymore and I was just doing what I had to so that I didn't get an F so I could get my credits. I was just burnt out on dealing with pricks, jerks and schmucks. I actually tried to transfer to a "day-adult" school so I could get my diploma that way, but they actually refused to let me do it. They thought, that I thought, I was "too good for their school" and they actually posed that question to me. I wanted to go off on them and tell them what I REALLY thought about that question. I couldn't do it, though, since my mom was sitting right there so I had to restrain myself. :D
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 25, 2014, 11:12:25 AM
I usually just screwed off in class because I didn't care about my grades. The only exception was Social Studies. I was always the top student in the class, was always engaged in heavy discussions about whatever we were studying. So, I always ended up being the teacher's pet as a result of that. It didn't hurt that almost every Social Studies class I had was taught by middle aged women, who I always got along with for some reason. The only exceptions was in 8th grade when I had a male teacher for a general Social Studies class and a male teacher for my 10th grade History class. But in 10th grade that was the ONLY time I ever failed a class like that. Well, I got a "D", but to me that was still a failing grade because I usually aced those classes. The teacher knew I had the potential to do it and asked me why I was doing so poorly. I told him the truth: That I didn't care anymore and I was just doing what I had to so that I didn't get an F so I could get my credits. I was just burnt out on dealing with pricks, jerks and schmucks. I actually tried to transfer to a "day-adult" school so I could get my diploma that way, but they actually refused to let me do it. They thought, that I thought, I was "too good for their school" and they actually posed that question to me. I wanted to go off on them and tell them what I REALLY thought about that question. I couldn't do it, though, since my mom was sitting right there so I had to restrain myself. :D
I really messed up a lot in high school . I was just tired of being with these people I didn't want to be with. I did have that one subject that I did good at And up to the point of totally giving up on school got A's in was math. they tried to put me in an upper level class but at that point I just didn't want to do it anymore. I did pick it back up in college though.
Oh I'm sure had I not played drums, guitar, keyboards, and I was the same age as those I was in class with I'd have gotten picked on alot. I looked like a girl back then too. But by my being 3 years younger than those around me, and being a musician I actually had a few football players take up for me a few times when some lowlifes tried to shake me down for lunch money, lol. All the while what's running through my head was "if these guys only knew the real me", they would be right beside those attempting to shake me down. ;)
Quote from: Allyda on January 25, 2014, 12:17:22 PM
Oh I'm sure had I not played drums, guitar, keyboards, and I was the same age as those I was in class with I'd have gotten picked on alot. I looked like a girl back then too. But by my being 3 years younger than those around me, and being a musician I actually had a few football players take up for me a few times when some lowlifes tried to shake me down for lunch money, lol. All the while what's running through my head was "if these guys only knew the real me", they would be right beside those attempting to shake me down. ;)
yea , the real me rings so true.
Funny how we all respond differently. I never fought back with bullies, didn't run away either - just stood there and took it. That seemed to take the 'honour' out of beating up the sissy. I also went from a very poor student in early school to an honours student in high school.
I fought back when bullied and up til age 13 generally got an ass kicking.I picked up some tips from a friend's brother and started kicking ass back.I hated fighting but got good enough to be generally left alone during my last 2 years as by then I didn't care if I lost and had a reputation as a good fighter.I remember on my 15th birthday having the snot kicked out of me by the bully and 2 of his goons.Earlier that day I gave him a bloody nose in the rugby scrum,the teacher let me get away with that one.He arrived just after my ass kicking in the locker room and told me I was different from other boys and that was why I was getting picked on and someone would pay for this if I told him who.I wasn't a rat and told him I would be OK and sort this out myself,over the next 3 weeks I got each one alone and handed back an even bigger asskicking.I started to be left alone after this,I hated school it was hell
Quote from: big kim on January 26, 2014, 02:17:06 AM
I fought back when bullied and up til age 13 generally got an ass kicking.I picked up some tips from a friend's brother and started kicking ass back.I hated fighting but got good enough to be generally left alone during my last 2 years as by then I didn't care if I lost and had a reputation as a good fighter.I remember on my 15th birthday having the snot kicked out of me by the bully and 2 of his goons.Earlier that day I gave him a bloody nose in the rugby scrum,the teacher let me get away with that one.He arrived just after my ass kicking in the locker room and told me I was different from other boys and that was why I was getting picked on and someone would pay for this if I told him who.I wasn't a rat and told him I would be OK and sort this out myself,over the next 3 weeks I got each one alone and handed back an even bigger asskicking.I started to be left alone after this,I hated school it was hell
I was picked on pretty much most of grade school. The bullies just couldn't resist tormenting me for some reason. I had this girl once when I was 7 or 8 punch me in the face . she was older and like three times my size. I haven't the slightest idea why she did it other than maybe I was prettier then her. 8th grade came around and I was quite fed up and started the offensive. One by one I found out I could take these guys. They left me a lone after that. But the damage was still there from the earlier years . I've never gone back for reunions.
Yea bullies usually aren't so tough without their buddies. If you can catch them one at a time -divide and conquer, sometimes they'll run from you. ;)
I don't go to my reunions either.