I would say without exception that every person I have come out to has asked the same question first. So are you gay? Honestly, I haven't come out to that many people. Certainly not everyone I know but I was curious if everyone else has had that same experience. Do you think it's because we are under the LGBQT banner that people think we must be gay or lesbian? Or do you think most of us are gay or at least bi?
BTW my answer is "I don't know but I like women". I still have the junk so I'm not sure if that makes me straight or lesbian. In reality maybe I am bi. I have had sex with both men and women in that past. As far as the future I'm not sure how much sex I'm going to have but I can only see it with a woman.
Quote from: JulieC. on March 29, 2014, 09:16:03 AM
I would say without exception that every person I have come out to has asked the same question first. So are you gay? Honestly, I haven't come out to that many people. Certainly not everyone I know but I was curious if everyone else has had that same experience. Do you think it's because we are under the LGBQT banner that people think we must be gay or lesbian? Or do you think most of us are gay or at least bi?
BTW my answer is "I don't know but I like women". I still have the junk so I'm not sure if that makes me straight or lesbian. In reality maybe I am bi. I have had sex with both men and women in that past. As far as the future I'm not sure how much sex I'm going to have but I can only see it with a woman.
I answer this kind of question with another question... "why, are you interested?" ...that just left them frozen in their track and speechless... I usually lough after that...and the dummies most often than not do also lough at it... so everybody happy and no answer provided..
It is not just you. I had that come up in every single coming out moment. :)
Quote from: JulieC. on March 29, 2014, 09:16:03 AM
I would say without exception that every person I have come out to has asked the same question first. So are you gay? Honestly, I haven't come out to that many people. Certainly not everyone I know but I was curious if everyone else has had that same experience. Do you think it's because we are under the LGBQT banner that people think we must be gay or lesbian? Or do you think most of us are gay or at least bi?
BTW my answer is "I don't know but I like women". I still have the junk so I'm not sure if that makes me straight or lesbian. In reality maybe I am bi. I have had sex with both men and women in that past. As far as the future I'm not sure how much sex I'm going to have but I can only see it with a woman.
Y'know Julie, I get asked the same question. Most times I tell them that I'm the woman and he's the man so go figure. But honestly, I've always seen myself as a bi-sexual person, but I do tend to lean more towards the male sex. :)
I get that too.
I really like Peck's answer and I will use it, thanks.
I think it's because people often think sexuality and gender are closely linked, when they're separate.
No one irl has ever asked me that. My dad at the time even said that he was glad that I turned out to be trans rather than gay. I have no idea why, but that's just the way he thought.
Quote from: peky on March 29, 2014, 09:22:40 AM
I answer this kind of question with another question... "why, are you interested?" ...that just left them frozen in their track and speechless...
Priceless! ;D
Not one person has asked me that. Maybe they're just assuming it. Now that I'm presenting as female at work where the women are all hetro I'm noticing a definite unspoken assumption that I'm also into guys. I'm still working on bedding down my gender presentation (so to speak) before I start to worry about my sexual orientation and expression. It's weird how outing as trans* opens the gates for all sorts of inappropriate questions most people would never ask.
Most people are not interested in the differences between gay and transgender. I sometimes clearly state that I am sexually more attracted to women than men. Fortunately, women tend to become closer to me when I wear skirts and makeup. They seem to admire me :D
barbie~~
I'm pretty sure most people just assumed I was a "lesbian." I don't think anyone's ever asked it but they made references to me having girlfriends etc without me telling them anything to let them know that,
I'm totally weird in that I love when people ask me questions about my transition.
People are so poorly educated about transgender and we are the only people who can give them the straight story. I take questions like this as an opportunity to educate - explaining the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, and giving a little bit of a window into what transition is really all about.
I really like Pecky's reply best, I suppose it beats "You are ->-bleeped-<-ting me right?" ;D
I've been asked if I'm gay or assumed to be gay because most of my exes are men.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on March 29, 2014, 09:23:43 AM
Y'know Julie, I get asked the same question. Most times I tell them that I'm the woman and he's the man so go figure. But honestly, I've always seen myself as a bi-sexual person, but I do tend to lean more towards the male sex. :)
I am somewhat with Gina on this... But, one has to really look at gender vs. Sexual preference. For me, as a women, I would consider my self heterosexual as once I have fully come out and transitioned I desire a relationship with a guy. But, with that said, in the process of transitioning I have put the sex on the back burner to get a clearer picture of what I am doing.
Quote from: Veronica M on March 30, 2014, 10:24:43 AM
I am somewhat with Gina on this... But, one has to really look at gender vs. Sexual preference. For me, as a women, I would consider my self heterosexual as once I have fully come out and transitioned I desire a relationship with a guy. But, with that said, in the process of transitioning I have put the sex on the back burner to get a clearer picture of what I am doing.
Y'know Veronica, I really like your way of thinking. Probably when I get more into my transition, I'll probably think more like you and will be putting sex on the back burner as well. Right now I'm just enjoying life as a woman and all the little perks that comes with it! :icon_mrhappy:
In my experience, changing genders always meant you were gay by default. Even my first HRT doctor insisted I was probably gay. :rolleyes: If anything, I'm slightly bi but being questioned on preference has never bothered me.
Quote from: Christine Eryn on March 31, 2014, 11:15:09 AM
In my experience, changing genders always meant you were gay by default. Even my first HRT doctor insisted I was probably gay. :rolleyes: If anything, I'm slightly bi but being questioned on preference has never bothered me.
Not a chance! I've never had any gay proclivities whatsoever and I resent people who make assumptions like that as sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with gender. You know what they say about those who assume... ;D
Quote from: Gina Taylor on March 31, 2014, 11:08:36 AM
Y'know Veronica, I really like your way of thinking. Probably when I get more into my transition, I'll probably think more like you and will be putting sex on the back burner as well. Right now I'm just enjoying life as a woman and all the little perks that comes with it! :icon_mrhappy:
Sweetie I am just starting down this path. It was only a few months back I hit the wall. Thanks to a very good therapist I am just now coming to terms with something I have had to deal with for 40+ years. I was a total train wreck... LOL Never the less, thank you for your kind words, they do not fall on deaf ears. (or in this case eyes) ;D ;D
Quote from: Shantel on March 31, 2014, 12:51:48 PM
Not a chance! I've never had any gay proclivities whatsoever and I resent people who make assumptions like that as sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with gender. You know what they say about those who assume... ;D
While I don't really resent peoples ignorance, as it would just mess with my thoughts, I completely agree. My view, is what ever floats your boat do it, but it has nothing to do with gender.
I actually haven't had that sort of question. O_o though mostly because the only people who really know (and its a lot of people) already know I like women so they don't ask about that. I usually get the genital question first and it's like -facedesk-
Quote from: Veronica M on March 31, 2014, 01:07:10 PM
Sweetie I am just starting down this path. It was only a few months back I hit the wall. Thanks to a very good therapist I am just now coming to terms with something I have had to deal with for 40+ years. I was a total train wreck... LOL Never the less, thank you for your kind words, they do not fall on deaf ears. (or in this case eyes) ;D ;D
Veronica, I've read that you feel really comfortable with your therapist, and I am so happy for you. I've been with mine for a year now, and yes I feel very comfortable with him as well, and I've discussed this with him, and he fully understands that at least with the way that I explain it to him is that when I'm with a man, I never think of it as a 'gay' relationship. Because like I said before, I am the woman and he is the man.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 01, 2014, 10:53:28 AM
Veronica, I've read that you feel really comfortable with your therapist, and I am so happy for you. I've been with mine for a year now, and yes I feel very comfortable with him as well, and I've discussed this with him, and he fully understands that at least with the way that I explain it to him is that when I'm with a man, I never think of it as a 'gay' relationship. Because like I said before, I am the woman and he is the man.
I can so relate... I feel exactly that way... It's kind of strange, even when I was in a gay relationship that was pretty long term. (About five years) while the sex was great I still felt something was missing. Hence where I am at today. Everyday has become a new adventure and my confidence is coming back as a person. While I'll admit I am not all the way out yet, I am really glad I have taken the steps I have and look forward to the coming changes. I know there not all going to be pleasant, but that's okay too.
Quote from: Veronica M on April 01, 2014, 12:09:49 PM
I can so relate... I feel exactly that way... It's kind of strange, even when I was in a gay relationship that was pretty long term. (About five years) while the sex was great I still felt something was missing. Hence where I am at today. Everyday has become a new adventure and my confidence is coming back as a person. While I'll admit I am not all the way out yet, I am really glad I have taken the steps I have and look forward to the coming changes. I know there not all going to be pleasant, but that's okay too.
That's really good that you've been involved in a gay relationship. Did he treat you like a woman or a man though? I'm sure that now that you're showing to be more feminine that things have changed so much in your life. The more you work on being a woman is the more changes that you'll see around you and how people will react to you as a woman instead of as a man. :)
Quote from: Shantel on March 31, 2014, 12:51:48 PM
Not a chance! I've never had any gay proclivities whatsoever and I resent people who make assumptions like that as sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with gender. You know what they say about those who assume... ;D
Unfortunatly, my mom was the first person who asked if I was gay when I was 16. She would find her clothes in my room and knew I dressed up. For the longest time, I thought there was some point to that. :-\
Quote from: Christine Eryn on April 02, 2014, 09:45:47 AM
Unfortunatly, my mom was the first person who asked if I was gay when I was 16. She would find her clothes in my room and knew I dressed up. For the longest time, I thought there was some point to that. :-\
I suppose that would be a normal assumption coming from a parent who probably knows little or nothing about transgender issues. I didn't know squat about it either until I was about 50, I had these feelings but there was very little information about transgender stuff and frankly I didn't want to be seen as odd so I suppressed it most of my life.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 02, 2014, 09:37:53 AM
That's really good that you've been involved in a gay relationship. Did he treat you like a woman or a man though? I'm sure that now that you're showing to be more feminine that things have changed so much in your life. The more you work on being a woman is the more changes that you'll see around you and how people will react to you as a woman instead of as a man. :)
That's a tough question. Looking back, It was more a man / man thing, but that's okay. I wasn't close to where I am now so no big deal. It was pleasant none the less.
Quote from: Shantel on March 31, 2014, 12:51:48 PM
Not a chance! I've never had any gay proclivities whatsoever and I resent people who make assumptions like that as sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with gender. You know what they say about those who assume... ;D
Yeah, I could see where people would assume the gay thing. But that is their ignorance coming out. Myself, sexual preference is ones own choice I'm okay either way... It's a personal choice.
Quote from: Veronica M on April 02, 2014, 11:58:37 AM
That's a tough question. Looking back, It was more a man / man thing, but that's okay. I wasn't close to where I am now so no big deal. It was pleasant none the less.
Like I said before, the more that you take on the female role, the more you'll see changing around you. Just little things at first like guys holding the door for you, and things like that. It happens to me all the time. :)
Yeah, I could see where people would assume the gay thing. But that is their ignorance coming out. Myself, sexual preference is ones own choice I'm okay either way... It's a personal choice.
At first because I thought of myself as a guy who was getting picked up by other guys and since I still like dwoman, I naturally thought that I was more bi-sexual, but as time went on I found myself to be more of a woman with these guys and so I just became more accustom to the role of a woman and I felt that everything was good. :)
I just recently found this and thought I'd share it with y'all.
If you are a Male-To-Female transsexual and you are attracted to men, then what is really going on? Are you gay or straight or what? The answer depends on how one chooses to look at the transsexual.
If what matters is identity, is the mind and the heart, then you are a heterosexual woman with very standard desires.
If all that matters is the birth shape of the skin, in the past, present or future, then you are an altered gay man experiencing homosexual desires.
If all that matters is the current cut of the skin, then a pre-op is a gay man and a post-op is a straight woman.
If the transsexual is considered a unique creature, a 'third sex', then all definitions become moot...perhaps being some shade of bisexual might come closest.
The problem is that, however you may define yourself, others will create definitions of their own over which you have little or no control.
QuoteThe problem is that, however you may define yourself, others will create definitions of their own over which you have little or no control.
Interesting. That is why I answer the question...I don't know but I like women. As I have said I am probably should say I'm bi since I have had sex with both men and women. But here's the thing. I've never had sex with a man that was mentally satisfying. Physically satisfying but something was missing for me. I think it has been the feeling of intimacy. I have always been the woman in these encounters(at least in my mind) and played that role as best as I could. My biological body being irrelevant. Like you said I am the woman...Period. I have never even thought of my encounters with males as gay though in reality I suppose they are.
My encounters with women have always seemed much more intimate. Like it wasn't just sex but a beautiful connection between beings. Even the one night stands of my youth (which were just sex).
Now that my sex drive has diminished quite a bit I feel like I only want to have the beautiful connection between beings from now on. And that being is my wife. TMI ALERT Maybe it is lesbian like but it's beautiful, intimate and satisfying.