I'm a literal mess right now tonight I found out after three hours that I got outed. I figured out that a guy I work with is also friends with one of my friends on tracked down my Facebook and somehow figured out it was me. And I had everything locked down tightly. And he was someone who I was always kind to and treated with respect and he ended up showing a picture of me to my entire crew of eight guys tonight during break! I only found out because one person on my crew is MtF just not showing it yet. After that I did notice everyone started treating me differently a couple guys were fine and one who is usually cold towards me was nicer but three more wouldn't have anything to do with me.
Where I work has little over four hundred people and I know its going to spread like wildfire within a couple of days. This isn't what I wanted to happen right now. I was planning on writing a letter to the market HR manager to get things rolling in a few months but now I've been shoved into the spotlight. I'm almost having a panic attack right now and have been close to crying for the past thirty minutes. I don't know what I should do at all now since I wasn't planning on everyone in my life knowing at this time. I'm sick to my stomach and can't imagine going to work tomorrow and having to face everyone. The only good thing is my job does have an anti-discrimination policy towards trans people along with my state.
Calm down Honey,
There is nothing to be afraid of. You where going to have to face this one day anyway. Talk to your HR people tomorrow. Let them know what has happened, you are covered by the Law so they will support you.
A person who deliberately outed you could be charged with bullying, bring that up with HR.
Some people will accept you, some won't. We can't do much about that.
I think it is time to maybe advance your schedule?
One thing is VERY important. Be proud of being you. Walk tall and smile, never cower. Be nice to people and if people say something nasty just politely say that they are being cruel and you are not interested in their opinion of you. To the people who are kind and accepting, thank them and tell them how you appreciate their kindness to you in this difficult time.
You will end up with a lot of friends who will support you and they will take on the jerks for you.
You are a lovely young woman and you deserve and will receive the respect our gender deserves in society.
Hugs Honey
Cindy
I can't even imagine going into work tomorrow at all right now. On top of that the people that work overnight already know and in five hours the day people will also. So I'm going to have to walk in with all eyes on me which I'm not ready for at all mentally. I'm didn't want to advance my schedule this fast I want to be full time but I had loose ends that needed fixed first but now everyone in my life knows about me. I just feel to betrayed and hurt right now that he felt the need to do that to me.
OK Honey,
I do understand. He has treated you very cruelly.
You have two options. Face it or not.
You know me, you know what I stand for, and I'll stand by you.
I would never hide. I would enter your work and be proud. Yes everyone may know. So what. I'm a trans sexual woman. It isn't my fault I was born this way. It isn't your fault.
I would walk in for every kid who is trans*, for every person who doesn't have the strength, for everyone of us who has heard the insults.
I would stand there and say 'Bring it on!!'.
My spirit and my strength will be standing next to you with my hand on your shoulder.
You can do this Hon. We can do this.
Quote from: Cindy on July 15, 2015, 03:33:11 AM
OK Honey,
I do understand. He has treated you very cruelly.
You have two options. Face it or not.
You know me, you know what I stand for, and I'll stand by you.
I would never hide. I would enter your work and be proud. Yes everyone may know. So what. I'm a trans sexual woman. It isn't my fault I was born this way. It isn't your fault.
I would walk in for every kid who is trans*, for every person who doesn't have the strength, for everyone of us who has heard the insults.
I would stand there and say 'Bring it on!!'.
My spirit and my strength will be standing next to you with my hand on your shoulder.
You can do this Hon. We can do this.
Ditto
I'm sorry that there are jerks out there. **Hugs** I know things are really hard on you right now but hopefully this is a blessing in disguise and things will work out for you!
Quote from: Cindy on July 15, 2015, 03:33:11 AM
OK Honey,
I do understand. He has treated you very cruelly.
You have two options. Face it or not.
You know me, you know what I stand for, and I'll stand by you.
I would never hide. I would enter your work and be proud. Yes everyone may know. So what. I'm a trans sexual woman. It isn't my fault I was born this way. It isn't your fault.
I would walk in for every kid who is trans*, for every person who doesn't have the strength, for everyone of us who has heard the insults.
I would stand there and say 'Bring it on!!'.
My spirit and my strength will be standing next to you with my hand on your shoulder.
You can do this Hon. We can do this.
Ditto again! We are all here with you. I know it must be scary. I had two weeks to get my head together between telling my coworkers and returning to work. But I realized it didn't make a difference, it was just as scary. But I trusted in the coworkers who had voiced support before and they helped me along. Is there anyone you are close with there? Anyone you can trust? Talk with, or email them and ask for help. You will be surprised at the kindness you will find coming your way.
perhaps by making contact with the hr department you may still be able to keep your time line, you have can explain what happened and what your plans are and they can deal with a reality check for the employees regarding how they interact. this may well just be a beginning to developing some dialog with hr and nothing more.
so very sad to hear that are being put into this situation and hope you can create a positive outcome for yourself. there are so many poop heads running around that will grab at any thing to try to be something regardless of what it cost everyone around them.
hI Raven
I know its scary but coming out at work will always be an anxious event .You will find that most people do not give a hoot and will be fine .yes You may get the occasional Idiot that makes a big thing of it but like with everything new it will soon settle into the background and become normal and excepted .you will get people misgendering You occasionally especially if they have known you a while ( most people are pretty slow to pick up anything new LOL). The best thing to do is pull up your big girl panties and go in head held High and show the person that outed You that You are the better person and they will not win . The sooner You contact HR the better then You have the protection and support of the company and the law . Once you have settled down and started being Yourself at work You will never look back ,the feeling of letting go of all the repressed mannerisms and feelings you have been hiding all these years is priceless and wonderful. Stick with the people that seem accepting and avoid the idiots and You will be fine
It may be a blessing.
When I came out at work, nearly everyone supported me.
There were a few guys who just went completely cold on me and stopped talking, but the ladies have been completely receptive. In fact I haven't encountered a single one who isn't treating me like any other woman. My teammate who was the only woman on the team jumped for joy because she said now she has company on my team.
A gay guy who I was friends with from before is now completely happy for me and very proud of me. He's a bit of an activist for LGBT issues. He's not attracted to me (cause he's gay and he likes big, muscular men) but he and I are very good friends and allies.
I do get the part about being outed inadvertently though. That's pretty terrible but you can view this as a push forward and talk to your HR department.
The way I look at it, if people don't like me after I've gone full time at work, I don't want to be friends with them. I have plenty to go around. I have a good personality and I'm fun to be around. I'm also smart as a whip and I'm pretty good to work with, so people like me a lot. (These are things other people have said to me, so I'm not really bragging). The bottom line is to realize your own self worth and realize who you are.
I've also had absolutely zero issues with restrooms and even the gym women's locker room. I "pass" good enough to get by but people in my department know me and they know what my deal is.
Misgendering was frequent the first few days but died down pretty quickly. Almost no one makes a mistake and people who do correct themselves.
Can you call HR and schedule a meeting for first thing? It's important to be proud of yourself, but it's important to have compassion for yourself when you're afraid. Flight response keeps us alive sometimes!
I'd call up HR, and meet with somebody first thing. Tell them what happened, and what you're afraid of. They can remind your co-workers of the word about the company trans policy without mentioning you... and maybe you should take the day off while word gets around.
There's a silver lining: you're out at work. You can be you now. A few people might be ugly about it. Don't be afraid to run to HR.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. We would like to be in control 100% during the transition period especially coming out at work and sometimes this does not happen. Cindy has given you very good and sound advise and as hard as it may be right now you will set the tone going forward. During transition we are going to be faced with many hurdles that we have no control over. Try to spin it into a positive in that some people now know what would be different in a few months especially their reactions. I had worked for a company of around 8000 people when I came out at work. Believe it or not the news did not spread like wild fire. Most people do not care as much as the media thinks they do. When I traveled to the other offices or departments in the same building across the US I thought they knew and they did not. It caused some fun moments. I knew them but they did not know me !!!! Try your best to focus on the positives and wear your PRIDE on your shirt while talking to HR and others it will go a long way for you and them more than anything else.
Thanks ladies
Somehow I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night. But this morning when I woke up it really hit me and almost had a panic attack. Right now I'm trying to piece my thoughts together on what to do. I am going to go in and talk to HR and maybe a couple of the managers that I do trust. At this point its not something that can be easily hidden anymore. Since pretty much everyone that I work with could feel something has been up with me for awhile. Plus I've been doing a horrible job acting like a male now. Where even one manager that is really really dense even asked me why I look so unhappy. I'm just going to explain it and just say I need to take rest of the day off, right now I don't have the emotional strength to handle nine hours at work.
I'm still really hurt about what the guy did to me. Usually during my crews last break the smokers go outside and the ones that don't go to our break room. Last night everyone went outside to the smoking area so he planned this out in advance. And then he had the nerve to come back in and act completely fine with me and joke with my while I was oblivious to the entire thing.
Thanks again everyone I'm just still trying to figure all this out
I really doubt anyone's going to want to loose their job, just talk to management you've done absolutely nothing wrong.
Quote from: sparrow on July 15, 2015, 10:18:00 AM
There's a silver lining: you're out at work. You can be you now.
Exactly! They may have taken some control from you, buy they also took a weight off your shoulders.
You don't have to hide anymore. You don't have to worry about how people are going to react. Some people are fine, some are not, some treat you even better. That was going to happen. Now that guy has gotten himself in some big problems.
Go and talk with HR. They will protect you, not that you need a lot of protecting anyway. And we're all behind you.
Thanks, I've worked up the courage to go in to work in a few minutes. Plus I've already called my therapist and have an appointment to try to work stuff out tomorrow. I'm going to take the day off once I explain a few things and go over to a friends house. Since I really don't want to be alone right now and need someone to talk face to face to and maybe have a good cry.
Hugs Raven.
I thought you were already full time. You look good enough for that.
It is hard to give advice; I can tell what I'd do but that likely won't help.
Yes, get help of the therapist and friends. :) Be humble and friendly, but don't let someone make you feel shame. Good luck, Raven!
Comming out at work IS one less Problemb for you now.
I hope things things get better for you, but most of all remember from this point onwards how people treat you at work IS somthing that WAS going to happen LATER rather then sooner. (you did say eventually you was going to come out)
And despite the varying reactions you will most probably get from people due to this, please focus on the posative ones, knowing that thE kindness you get, continue to get, and the friendships you make and retain, are towards you for you, not for presenting an act representing a social exspectation.
At work atleast you have a better picture of who your friends are, and are now free to present as you wish, without having to worry who will accept and not accept the inner you.
Im sorry your out this way. But Im glad you dont have to worry about comming out. Please Let us know, How things go, And how your holding up through it all.
I've talked with HR she is very understanding I'm still waiting to get with a manager since they are busy. So I'm close to having a nervous breakdown I just want to get this over with
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Hugs hon. You are doing really well.
Alright it is done. I talked with a shift manager and she is completely fine with it and is going to call corporate HR to figure out the next steps. She's also going to talk to all the guys that they must respect me and not say anything or risk getting fired. And the guy that outed me is going to get fired. I'll say more later but I'm going home now and need rest I'm just drained right now.
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Sounds like your shift manager is doing a good job of handling it now. I hope all goes well from this point on as they figure out the rest of the game plan. Hugs
Mariah
My coming out (I like to call it my "breaking bad") at work was a major milestone in my transition.
Although I managed to have it happen at the time of my choosing, it has not been completely on my terms, either.
Use the occasion to turn things to your advantage, act as if you had chosen this time for it to happen.
Shine, Raven, be proud, be beautiful, be frightened but bold, vulnerable but free, changing but finally yourself, awesome and real.
Your friends love you, and you will find them all around you.
Jeez why do ppl have to be so nosy!! >:( However im glad the guy got his just desserts.
I am so happy for you Raven. You were so strong and brave. Your soul is as beautiful as you are.
Wow, that was fast. Go HR! Hope that guy will think twice before making his next workplace a toxic environment... and it sounds like your other co-workers will be very familiar with the consequences of that kinda crap.
While I'm happy for your new work situation, it sounds like you still need a lot of care and sympathy. I'm glad that you're spending the evening with a friend. Even if everything is miraculously good at work, you dealt with a lot of trauma in the last 24 hours. Big hugs.
Everyone thank you so much for the help! Along with my friends you helped me weather this day out. Otherwise I would have stayed him turning into a puddle of tears. Now that I've gotten some rest and though it over I'm just going to write some stuff out. If I repeat something I've already said I'm sorry its just been a roller coaster ride for me the past three hours.
Starting back about three weeks ago rumors started flying around that I was calling my guys names and stuff. This ended up with a few conversations with management who told me not to worry. Since my workers always complain that I'm a slave driver. When in reality I don't let them curse, make racist jokes and talk about woman in a negative or sexual light like my co supervisor when I'm not there. I had no problem if they didn't like it since I'm not trying to make friends I'm trying to get a 2,300 piece truck unloaded and pulled to the floor in three hours. It stopped for a few days and then this Sunday I had management asking me if I called one of my guys a jerk. And I told them I've worked by myself all day and can count on one hand how many people I've talked to. And I should have picked it up but I didn't the guy that outed me told me before management that this one guy went to complain to me.
And then yesterday before I started working the one guy that complained to me wanted to talk to me in private. And got really mad at me because I told him I wouldn't since I was not working yet, and he got really mad. And I decided if he did want to talk after I started I would do it with a manager with me to document. He did not bring it up rest of the night to me so now I wonder what he was going to tell me?
And I believe I already wrote this down but he planned this out last night. By having the eight guys go outside to parade my picture around. And this morning I talked to my one friend who was friends with her on Facebook and he ended up blocking her within the past few hours. And really I know the guys are shaking in their boots since when that happened they should have gone right away to the manager who was over us. Or at least the one who let me know and now all of them have a major policy violation check mark on their name. It just hurts me that everyone knew about me for over two hours and I was just oblivious to the fact.
So when I talked to HR this afternoon like I said she was very understanding but really mad at the guy. And told me I was really brave for even coming in and working up the courage to talk to her. She really helped me a lot and worked like mad to get a shift manager to talk to me. And reassured me that nothing was going to happen to me and any of the four shift managers would support me since we don't have a store manager at the moment.
Talking to the shift manager at first was really hard. But she was just like the HR manager and reassured me I had nothing to be afraid of. Like I said she was awfully upset at how I'd be treated. And I got told that I have nothing to worry about that they like me where I am and can keep my position even as female. And that they are there to help me out and that I don't need to try to please them. And they will have no tolerance for ill treatment towards me. Also she gave me some information if I felt the need to get help through the company for anything.
So right now I have really conflicting emotions going on. I'm still upset kind of scared of whats going to happen Friday when I go back. But I'm also really happy since its finally over with and really kind of feel at peace with myself since I feel like a woman finally. So I guess the next step is to go all the way full time which will happen really quick now. Which does have the postive effect that I won't have to present as male for much longer.
Sorry for writing a book but thanks for reading!
Sounds like that guy almost did you a favor. He probably would have started harassing you in any way he could have even if he didn't out you to your coworkers. Transgender or not, his actions against any employee shouldn't be tolerated anywhere.
Secretly exposing private information that doesn't pertain to work at all purely to negatively impact a coworker not only isn't nice to the person they're targeting, but it also speaks volumes to that person's moral fiber. I hope after he's fired he struggles to find a new job due to other companies calling for references. I'm not in HR, but just as a human, I'd hope any HR department would at the very least think twice about even considering the guy after finding out what he did.
Talk about a short-sighted fool.
I realize now that he was trying to pit the others guys against me, and I don't know how that would've ended up. I just don't know why he felt the need. I've always been kind to him and listened to him whenever had had any problems, drove him home from work a few times, gave him money for lunch when he was broke etc. And he felt the need to pay me back this way. I guess he is just one of those people scared of trans people I have no idea. But at least I came out on top and he hopefully walked out learning how not to treat people.
It sounds like you have underlying problems with the team, which have been around from before the 'outing' episode.
I would watch my back ... something tells me this isn't just about you being trans ... that has just been an opportunity for somebody to jump on :~s
Quote from: RavenL on July 15, 2015, 05:20:13 PMAnd the guy that outed me is going to get fired.
I left that part to mention later.
Where I work, there is a policy bit about spreading rumors, gossip and creating an unsafe and unhealthy work environment. Any of which can be a reason for the troublemaker to be so fired.
Hugs, will read larger chunks later.
Quote from: Zoetrope on July 16, 2015, 02:02:10 AM
It sounds like you have underlying problems with the team, which have been around from before the 'outing' episode.
I would watch my back ... something tells me this isn't just about you being trans ... that has just been an opportunity for somebody to jump on :~s
I'm honestly not worried about it at all. When I first took the position half the team quit after a couple of weeks since they couldn't get away with being lazy. And the other half of the team was happy that I actually got work done and helped out. And I don't think any of them are going to risk a job by doing something stupid.
Alright, read the rest.
What that guy did sounds like what I could expect from my hi-school classmates. And they were horrible.
I can't provide a definite advice how to improve relations with subordinates, because I never worked with the particular profile of employees in question. Who I worked with are children (for 3 years), university students (for 2.5 years), and also other tech persons like myself (many years).
To me it seems there might be space for improvement in your environment, as it feels like tensions are present that are not part of the profession.
Quote from: michellemartine on July 16, 2015, 12:19:46 PM
Alright, read the rest.
What that guy did sounds like what I could expect from my hi-school classmates. And they were horrible.
I can't provide a definite advice how to improve relations with subordinates, because I never worked with the particular profile of employees in question. Who I worked with are children (for 3 years), university students (for 2.5 years), and also other tech persons like myself (many years).
To me it seems there might be space for improvement in your environment, as it feels like tensions are present that are not part of the profession.
I totally argree that what he did was like something kids would do in school. He's still young only 21 and I can say from what I know he doesn't have a ton of life experience. Hopefully he got some life experience last night.
As for as the environment I'm not going to worry about it. I'm still in my position and everyone has to respect that. I will have respect for everyone and if anyone says anything negative towards me I'm not going to talk back just report it.
But the tensions that are present in my area are due to a lot. Since right now the shift manager that's over my area doesn't really pay much attention to anyone's problems which has caused moral to fall. Also he is really bad at playing favorites which I've brought up before and get told there's nothing they can do right now. But hopefully this will be a wake up call for him.
I'm glad the situation worked out for the best. I hope things go as well for you as they have for me. Plus there is nothing better than not having to hide anymore.
When I came out I had both the HR lady and my manager personally on my side. As a direct result the few minor issues I had ironed themselves out in practically no time at all. People call me Ashley now. I've felt a lot of respect by my fellow employees. I know in the building next door there was a lady who was on her own and she had to fight for everything. It just goes to show you the people at the top can make all the difference.
hi Raven,
I am so glad for you for standing up for your rights and going back in...
remember this is your life and you are still in control, you have the say of when you choose to go full time or not.
It sounds like your hr department is going to be supportive that will help a lot, you need to be ready also
you take control and live it your way
Raven, thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. It is truly helpful to me to hear about what happened to you and how you handled it ; freek out and all. It just reinforces for me that this may have some challenging moments; but that it's how we respond to them in the end that really matters.
Clara
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Quote from: Claraaa on July 16, 2015, 07:28:22 PM
Raven, thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. It is truly helpful to me to hear about what happened to you and how you handled it ; freek out and all. It just reinforces for me that this may have some challenging moments; but that it's how we respond to them in the end that really matters.
Clara
Clara glad I was able to help you out.
I'm nervous and excited about going back to work tomorrow. I think I've weathered the hardest part right now and can take anything that's thrown at me. If anyone has any questions I will be very polite with them. Also I'm not going to bother hiding my mannerisms anymore and just be myself. The shift manager is going to be there tomorrow so I'm going to discuss the next steps to take. I might even suggest small baby steps like even changing my name on my badge to Raven since I never work directly with the public hardly. Also guess its time to start buying new clothes for work and finally say goodbye to the male ones forever.
Well the guy gave you a favor. I'm happy it all turned out ok
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Well in a couple of hours my life is going to competently change. The dust has settled so see what is going to go on today. I'm already planning on getting a lot of questions, hearing rumors, negative comments and hopefully support. Trying to keep the butterflies in my stomach under control but they are creeping up right now.
If your situation is similar to mine, you'll get a few questions. I am more than happy to educate people so I didn't mind. I didn't get that many though.
When I went full time last month, I expected support but not to the overwhelming degree that I got.
You'll be fine I think. The world is different today and despite the gripes about Caitlyn Jenner and trans visibility, people seeing her in the public eye show us that transgender people are here and we aren't going anywhere, and we deserve your respect.
I got questions but they were more along the line of how do I feel, how is my family etc. But after a few days they simply died down. Management has been very good to me and they respect my space but also treat me fully as a woman. Almost no one asks questions now.
People have congratulated me, sent me flowers, and even struck up conversations in the restrooms. I also have a regular breakfast chit chat with my teammates who had pretty much slid into social isolation with me, but now they feel more comfortable with me. One of them was the only woman on the team and she was overjoyed that she now has company.
So relax and enjoy the ride. It's going to be good.
And do expect occasional misgendering and deadnaming because people will not get it all at once. As long as they sincerely try and correct themselves when they slip I am fine. You should be too.
You got flowers? I'm jealous now.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 17, 2015, 02:03:58 PM
You got flowers? I'm jealous now.
Yep. The next day after I went FT I found this on my desk. (Not the magazines, they're mine.)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1188.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fz403%2Frjairam%2F68FEB6A7-8DDE-415E-8D43-7FF1482F277C_zpsmo0fgxzz.jpg&hash=9f40c469c5fe8045057dcc1798fee42e8b301ad0)
Well this was a surprise I got interviewed for a better position last week and was offered it today. It's going to pay me almost double what I'm making now and I'll have three days off in a row and not split days like I was working. I also be working out on the floor with much nicer people that are really chill.
I also took this opportunity to talk with the shift manager again and discussed going full time pretty quickly and she is going to hold a meeting between me and market HR Tuesday. I suggested even if it's quick to go for next Saturday for transition so people will be used to how I look from the start and not be changing over after presenting as male months down the line. Since i start my new job next Saturday. I'm buying new work clothes and shoes tonight and I don't care if anyone sees me
Also with the extra money I'm making I'm going to start saving $300 a month for SRS.
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From tears to cheers!
Wonderful, just totally wonderful!
Just another quick update. First off I managed to survive working the entire nine hours with no problems. I also another supervisor that is over my area in the morning and afternoons know about me. It was kind of funny when I told him I was transgender he said "I have no idea what that is." I gave him a super quick run down and he was fine with it. He was just mad at how I got treated the other night by the guy.
I also talked a little to the other supervisor in my warehouse that I work with tonight about what went on. And I guess they didn't fire the guy yet but he was really mad and wouldn't talk to anyone the last couple days. And the supervisor says he has my back if anything happens. He also asked if I'd be interested in trying to help out one of his friends who is MtF but is afraid to come out to her parents I said sure!
After that I started talking to one of my guys on the crew who was there Tuesday night. And he told me that the guy who outed me was mad and wouldn't talk last night. I said "Well he's mad at getting in trouble since you know what he did Tuesday night and about me" I could tell he wasn't lying and said he had no idea what went on that night. And I finally came out and told him I was trans. And I was shocked since he was cool with it since his bio dad is now female and said he wants to stay friends. One interesting bit of information he did give me apparently rumors have been flying around for three weeks about me being trans, so the guy has been really busy. Rest of the guys were just really quite around me tonight and didn't try to give me in trouble which I'm thankful for.
And then to top it off tonight I got brave enough to let another manager know about me. So I just asked to speak to him in private and explained everything that has been going on. Since he's been really worried about me lately since I've been looking unhappy. He was 100% understanding and has a lot of knowledge on transgender people since his daughter is active in helping out the community. He was really glad I felt comfortable enough to come to him and said he'll help me out anyway he can.
All and all I think that was a pretty good day!
That is all so marvelous Raven! I can't believe how fast that all turned around. I am so happy for you! :)
Raven, I am sorry I am seeing this thread for the first time but the 15th was the day of my voice surgery and the 16th was the very long trip home. It's not the lack of fear that make this work, but facing your fears. In the last couple of months I have watched you deal with every obstacle that has been placed before you and you have overcome it with strength and determination. I think this will is important to you in two ways. You will make a new personal life that will be of your own choosing and not one defined by others and at work you will find another promotion in the not to distant future. Your company seems to know character and the lack there of when they see it and you are the type of person they need. Your managers all seem to have been selected for this ability and there is always room for more of it in any company. Your handling of this problem has exposed your abilities in this area so once again, it was you who turned a real problem into a success. I understand how hard it was on you but facing these problems is never easy. Congratulations on a job very well done.
Kellam, thank you! I just wish everyone else around the world that's going through the same issues as me could have kind of have any easy time like me.
Dena, I hope you're recovery from voice surgery is going well!
Its still kind of hard for me to wrap my head around everything that's gone on in a couple months. Reading other people's stories where it can range anywhere from months to years for a full transition. And I'm having eveything speed by my at an alarming rate. I guess somehow it was meant to be and life finally gave me a break after being cruel to me for twenty six years.
Its funny you bring up me being selected for my ability's by the managers. Since that's what the shift manager told me last night. That she could see I'm a very hard worker and where I was at I couldn't be at my full potential. And she believes that I'm going to be a very good leader.
As for my handing of the problem I really have to thank everyone here! If it wasn't for this place I don't know what I would have done this week.
Just an update for this Saturday night
I was in charge of the guys for the first time since Tuesday. They did not fire the bad apple like I thought they would have and he worked with me tonight. I was polite when I saw him and asked how he was doing. Now here is the part I need advice on he told me he was doing great since he um had relations with a woman last night but he did not put it in those terms. I've talked to my sister who is trying to get into HR and she said that is a form of harassment which he's been told to knock off. I thought about reporting it then and there put the managers that already know about me were not there tonight nor was HR. And I was really not in the mood to go through the entire thing. So tomorrow afternoon even if its going to be hard I'm going to have a one on one with another shift manager and he doesn't know about me yet and see if he can resolve a few things.
The bad apple also got really mad at me because I kept telling him not to swear. Again I wanted to report it but when it started happening only one manager was on duty and super busy and it would have been like pulling teeth to report it.
The rest of guys were kind of quite around me tonight. Apart from one new guy who I guess doesn't know about me since he was friendly. But I could tell one of them thought I was coming across as aggressive when I wasn't. Its just the way he talks to me brings up my flight or fight response which I've tried to tell him but he doesn't get.
That's it for tonight
Raven you rock girl! Congratulations on your promotion at work. :icon_bunch:
That guy sounds like a total wanker, as for your promo gratz =) and glad you pulled through it.
What I would do @beingwithwoman right there and then is asking him what he means so no ambiguosity comes in play. If I dont get enough, I'd let it slide. If it is not one timer, it will escalate further and he would be easier to report.
So, like with my 'stalker', I want to make sure I've got enough material and witnesses and then he can either get fired or sued
Or both. My stalker is a family man at verge of 40s. I reckon he doesn't want to mess up his life. If what he did is one timer then fine.
Quote from: RavenL on July 19, 2015, 03:00:48 AM
Just an update for this Saturday night
I was in charge of the guys for the first time since Tuesday. They did not fire the bad apple like I thought they would have and he worked with me tonight. I was polite when I saw him and asked how he was doing. Now here is the part I need advice on he told me he was doing great since he um had relations with a woman last night but he did not put it in those terms. I've talked to my sister who is trying to get into HR and she said that is a form of harassment which he's been told to knock off. I thought about reporting it then and there put the managers that already know about me were not there tonight nor was HR. And I was really not in the mood to go through the entire thing. So tomorrow afternoon even if its going to be hard I'm going to have a one on one with another shift manager and he doesn't know about me yet and see if he can resolve a few things.
The bad apple also got really mad at me because I kept telling him not to swear. Again I wanted to report it but when it started happening only one manager was on duty and super busy and it would have been like pulling teeth to report it.
The rest of guys were kind of quite around me tonight. Apart from one new guy who I guess doesn't know about me since he was friendly. But I could tell one of them thought I was coming across as aggressive when I wasn't. Its just the way he talks to me brings up my flight or fight response which I've tried to tell him but he doesn't get.
That's it for tonight
Leadership is something I have learned a good deal about because I have had some that has been very bad and some that has been very good. My employment has put me into positions where there wasn't upward mobility so I haven't really had people under me but my profession has always required me to manage myself.
I think the advice you need is that the people you work with are not your friends, instead they are your coworkers. The only thing you should expect from them and judge them on is their ability to get the job done and not disturb the function of the team they are on. You have unskilled people working for you and as such they will be a little on the crude side. A few slips should be tolerated but if they go out of their way to be rude you do have a problem that needs to be addressed. Where you draw the line is going to be a judgement call and that is what they are going to pay you the big bucks for.
When I first meet my roommate many years ago, she was still in the male role at work doing part time at home. It took months to get her language cleaned up even though she wanted to be a woman and knew the use of that type of language wasn't appropriated. This is not a habit that is broken overnight and you will win more support from them by working with them than confronting them. Emotionally it is going to be hard on you and it will test your patience at times but try not to let it get under your skin. After all, this is only a job.
PS. You might ask the bad apple if he uses that type of language around his mother.
Sounds like it worked out very well for you! It really is a different world, isn't it? Of the people that either found out about me or I told, about 10% of them said they already had one or more trans friends. We're not as uncommon as we think, well in my area at least.
Quote from: Emileeeee on July 19, 2015, 09:06:17 AM
Sounds like it worked out very well for you! It really is a different world, isn't it? Of the people that either found out about me or I told, about 10% of them said they already had one or more trans friends. We're not as uncommon as we think, well in my area at least.
Things have change much over the years. When I under went SRS in 1982, we figured the surgical numbers somewhere around 60,000. That really made me feel like a minority. When I learned from the Jenner interview the estimated percentage of the population treated or not was 700,000, the world suddenly grew much larger to me. In addition, society has become more accepting and there is far less fear helping people move out of the shadows. In that respect, I think exposure has been good for us.
Thanks Lady Smith! And Jatztay!
Michelle and Dena thank you! The bad apple I'm going to keep a close eye on and I'm documenting everything he is saying to me right now. I've already told me crew that really they have one last day to work with me before next week. And I do expect them to work in a professional manner around me. And also reinforced that they should be working professionally to begin with regardless. I only have four days left right now in my area and I can pretty much keep to myself. So any slip ups unless it comes out directly aimed at me I'm letting go. I imagine when I get out in the public things will improve greatly since you really can't curse around customers and everyone has to be on their best behavior. Also I'll be at the top of the food chain so to speak with my position and will actually have supervisors of my own under me.
Thanks everyone for the advice!
And the mid afternoon update. The shift manager that has been helping me is here today. And she's already talked to the market office and I am good to go as female whenever I feel like it! So I said well is Saturday alright? And it's fine as long as I am good with it. She's going to hold meetings with the other managers and workers this week.
The only thing I'll have to use the family bathroom. Which I'm alright with foe now. But I told her in a few weeks will have to see since I'll be changing the sex on my ID.
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Are you getting a legal name change? It seems like you may be rushing into going full time, as it seems that I read one of your posts from only a couple of months ago where you said that you went out dressed in women's clothes for the first time. Sorry if I'm being a little negative, but I've seen to many people rush through their transition with bad consequences. Just because you were outed, it doesn't mean that you have to go full time right now.
Yes I am getting a legal name change next month along with my ID. I don't fell that I'm rushing going full time yes it might have been just last month when I first went out. it has done wonders for my mood since I'm not having to hide the real me. Plus having to present as male is getting difficult for me where it makes me unhappy.
And I'm perfectly comfortable going full time. Getting outed just moved my schedule ahead of time by a couple of months.
Edit Your right I'll just wait a few months or give up all together. I'm jumping into everything to quick sorry for wasting everyone's time
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Stay strong, hun
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Stay strong, hun. I'm proud of you for taking a hard situation and making the best of it.
Raven, pay attention to your feelings and to what your intuition tells you. Only you know when the time is right. I was also pushed by circumstances into the right moment to transition and, despite some bumps in the road, I can't be more grateful for the way it happened.
Quote from: RavenL on July 15, 2015, 02:33:46 AM
I'm a literal mess right now tonight I found out after three hours that I got outed. I figured out that a guy I work with is also friends with one of my friends on tracked down my Facebook and somehow figured out it was me. And I had everything locked down tightly. And he was someone who I was always kind to and treated with respect and he ended up showing a picture of me to my entire crew of eight guys tonight during break! I only found out because one person on my crew is MtF just not showing it yet. After that I did notice everyone started treating me differently a couple guys were fine and one who is usually cold towards me was nicer but three more wouldn't have anything to do with me.
Where I work has little over four hundred people and I know its going to spread like wildfire within a couple of days. This isn't what I wanted to happen right now. I was planning on writing a letter to the market HR manager to get things rolling in a few months but now I've been shoved into the spotlight. I'm almost having a panic attack right now and have been close to crying for the past thirty minutes. I don't know what I should do at all now since I wasn't planning on everyone in my life knowing at this time. I'm sick to my stomach and can't imagine going to work tomorrow and having to face everyone. The only good thing is my job does have an anti-discrimination policy towards trans people along with my state.
I remember whenever I was outed at work. Next thing I know, people are whispering while I'm around, calling me "he" behind my back, and asking me really intrusive questions for which there were no punishment. It took a while to come to terms with how that just developed into a very unhealthy/unsafe working environment, and so I'm happy to be returning to university...
Ally
I wasn't pushed into full time at work but I came out fast, like a month after self acceptance. A couple of the folks I work with are observant and unable to hold their tongues. Just an hour or so before I told my bosses one of the observant folks noted how much longer my hair was. I wanted to amswer questions instead of starting rumors. It was absolutely worth it for me. I wanted out of the closet so badly too. I needed the feeling that I was deceiving others to be done with. I needed to start living my truth.
Do as you feel is best Raven. Your heart knows the answer!
Quote from: kittenpower on July 19, 2015, 05:04:22 PM
Are you getting a legal name change? It seems like you may be rushing into going full time, as it seems that I read one of your posts from only a couple of months ago where you said that you went out dressed in women's clothes for the first time. Sorry if I'm being a little negative, but I've seen to many people rush through their transition with bad consequences. Just because you were outed, it doesn't mean that you have to go full time right now.
I respectfully beg to differ.
If she's comfortable going full time, by all means she should.
Also, cat's pretty much out of the bag now, so presenting male would be kind of pointless. My managers' notification to staff was a day early thanks to a director not being available the planned day (and she has been my strongest ally in management). The next day my colleagues said, why even bother hiding, we know, it's cool, so stop covering up. And I did. And it was nervous at first but it was fantastic afterwards.
Also, I still haven't had my legal name change done yet (it is in process, papers are with the court, just waiting for a court date). But it hasn't hindered me one bit. My name has been changed everywhere at work except for payroll and expense reimbursement. Everyone knows me as my new name.
But yes, I do agree that rushing can have negative consequences. However I think the state of being "in between" is even worse. People can't figure out how to gender you and they misgender you and you end up sinking into dysphoria. At least that's how it was for me very early on.
Anyway, just a different perspective.
ajames.shirley thank you! Promethea thank you! Ally thanks, hopefully I don't get too many comments so far most everyone that knows is nice to me. Kellam thank you as well!
iKate, and a big thank you to you, your post really helped me out. I never felt like I was rushing myself just that I was doing what was making me happy. I mean yes two months is quick but I've been able to adjust myself to living as female pretty well. I don't have any issue out in public nor do I get any looks. I would like to think I've bettered myself from where I was at the start of the year. I've said this in another post but my therapist did enough digging around in my head and managed to come up with a reason for why I've changed so much so quickly. Along with feeling different since I was five years old. My father never really let me have any friends since I was home schooled and isolated from social interaction, he tried to mold me into a younger version of himself. And because of that I developed an artificial personality that wasn't mine. To where I've been miserable with my life for years at being someone I wasn't. To the point of this year were I began to let myself go and didn't care about anything. But luckily I managed to pick myself up and do a lot of research to understand what was going on with me. And I couldn't have been happier once all the pieces started falling in place for me.
And yes my dyshoria at having to wear male clothes and acting male was pretty much ruining my life. Where the nine hours I was working became torture for me. And I was getting a lot of questions on why I was looking so sad. I can't stand doing the entire male thing for a few days. Then female for a day or two and back to male anylonger.
I not only had dysphoria but I was literally running out of clothes to wear. My men's clothing was ridiculously oversized for me now since I lost so much weight and muscle. I looked like a kid wearing her daddy's clothes. Not only that, but everything would show obvious breast development. Can't have that. It would also end up showing my bra (which I had to wear, because walking is painful without one, and rubbing my nipples on a dress shirt is distracting). I had no more men's underwear left because it was all busted up to shreds (I just simply refused to buy new ones for a long, long time).
It also killed me to use the men's loo. I couldn't take it much longer.
The dual life thing also sucked pretty badly.
Over the winter and early spring I dressed androgynously. I wore a giant fleece jacket over it. That worked well, until... well things began to get warmer. Nearing my first proposed full time date, my therapist said I should move it up because not only am I ready but it makes no sense hiding any further. People will see what they see and it's better I get it over with now rather than wait.
And that I did. (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190677.0.html)
You'll be fine. You seem to have your head up high and you don't take abuse from people which is good. The trash has been taken out and your remaining colleagues will hopefully be supportive or just tolerant.
Raven, you know I have been watching you from the start and I learned something pretty quickly about you. You are going to things at your own rate and the best thing to do is to stand off to the side in order to avoid getting run over. I am a bit envious of how fast you have moved as I moved far slower. The important thing is that what every you attempted, you succeeded at so I am very careful not to tell you what to do and I only offer advice when requested. Doing most anything else would slow you down. You know what the right direction is and if I can help, let me know. Other than that, full speed ahead.
ikate I can understand running out of men's clothes. Over the past year I've lost so much weight that my XL stuff made me look awful. And I've always hated shopping for men's clothes even before now and kept putting it off. And at this point I was going to have to buy men's stuff next month but didn't want to.
The bathroom issue also I can understand. Even when I was really young I've always had a major issue going into one. And have always gone to a family one if its available for years.
Thanks again ikate!
Dena, thank you! I think you might understand me even better then myself! I'll always appreciate any advice you or anyone else gives me. I guess I'm moving fast since I feel like most of my life has been a void and I want to make up for it.
No work update today since I'm off. But I know the shift manager was going to letter the other managers know about me and tidy up a few more things with HR. I know Friday they are having a meeting since the entire store is getting restructured for new positions and she is taking that opportunity to announce my transition as well. So here's the thing the meeting well be at like 9am or so. I am scheduled to work that day at 1pm. And was wondering if I should try to take a personal day to let the dust settle? Or just go in and hold my head up high?
Hi Raven, New signee but long-time lurker here.
I've followed this thread since you started it and it has turned into a lovely lemons to lemonade story. I'm so happy it is turning out well for you. It shows the world is really changing and that change seems to be accelerating. It gives us fearties in the closet hope that our day, if it comes might not be so bad after all.
As an observer peeking from said closet, it seems to me that the timing is perfect for you to work as normal. 9am to 1PM is enough time for the chatter to die down and everyone to be expecting the real you. If you stay at home your day might be wasted, and your sleep disturbed with wrestling the butterflies. Just my thought. It sounds to me that however you decide to play it, it is all going to be just great. Sounds like you are in a really great company.
I wish you the very best of days whichever one you decide to do it..
Hugs B
Yay Raven!! Thanks for sharing again. I know that when the day arrives for me I will benefit from your experience.
Clara
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One thing I know about my transition is that once I made my decision there has not been any second guessing and I could not be happier with my decision. I hope that it works out as well for you as it has for me.
I took the slow and cautious route. 3 months from starting hormones to name/gender change and an additional 2 weeks to going full time at work. I didn't have to worry about being outed at work because very shortly after making my decision I began letting everyone know. Much like Kate, once I was on the way many of my co-workers said just go full time now. I decided to wait the last couple of weeks because we were moving to a new building and that is how I wanted to start.
I have not had anything but acceptance at work. In fact, I have maybe made some of the ladies in my office up their appearance game a little bit because of my wearing dresses and matching my jewelry to my clothes. I have received complements from most of my co-workers on how I am handling everything.
So yes, you can do this Raven. And judging by your appearance and personal strength, you will not only do it, you will do it well.
Good luck to you girl and I hope your experience is as good as mine has been.
Thanks for the kind words ladies.
Feeling kind of down today and not looking forward to going to work. Stuff is starting to go through my head now that I'll have customers calling me names, getting weird looks etc and I don't know if I can deal with it. Right now I'm close to the point of telling management not to announce anything and just keep a low profile for a few months.
It's just the jitters. You are going to face it sometime and customers are about the color of money. I worked a sale trailer at a shoot with over 4000 customer walking through and not an unpleasant experience. If you think back you had this same feeling coming out and look at how well things have gone for you. You will make it work as you always have so be strong and in a few days you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.
Quote from: RavenL on July 15, 2015, 02:33:46 AM
I'm a literal mess right now tonight I found out after three hours that I got outed. I figured out that a guy I work with is also friends with one of my friends on tracked down my Facebook and somehow figured out it was me. And I had everything locked down tightly. And he was someone who I was always kind to and treated with respect and he ended up showing a picture of me to my entire crew of eight guys tonight during break! I only found out because one person on my crew is MtF just not showing it yet. After that I did notice everyone started treating me differently a couple guys were fine and one who is usually cold towards me was nicer but three more wouldn't have anything to do with me.
Where I work has little over four hundred people and I know its going to spread like wildfire within a couple of days. This isn't what I wanted to happen right now. I was planning on writing a letter to the market HR manager to get things rolling in a few months but now I've been shoved into the spotlight. I'm almost having a panic attack right now and have been close to crying for the past thirty minutes. I don't know what I should do at all now since I wasn't planning on everyone in my life knowing at this time. I'm sick to my stomach and can't imagine going to work tomorrow and having to face everyone. The only good thing is my job does have an anti-discrimination policy towards trans people along with my state.
Aww I feel for you I am sorry
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Quote from: iKate on July 20, 2015, 08:30:06 AM
I respectfully beg to differ.
If she's comfortable going full time, by all means she should.
Also, cat's pretty much out of the bag now, so presenting male would be kind of pointless. My managers' notification to staff was a day early thanks to a director not being available the planned day (and she has been my strongest ally in management). The next day my colleagues said, why even bother hiding, we know, it's cool, so stop covering up. And I did. And it was nervous at first but it was fantastic afterwards.
Also, I still haven't had my legal name change done yet (it is in process, papers are with the court, just waiting for a court date). But it hasn't hindered me one bit. My name has been changed everywhere at work except for payroll and expense reimbursement. Everyone knows me as my new name.
But yes, I do agree that rushing can have negative consequences. However I think the state of being "in between" is even worse. People can't figure out how to gender you and they misgender you and you end up sinking into dysphoria. At least that's how it was for me very early on.
Anyway, just a different perspective.
It's a personal journey, so I agree, that everyone should go at their own pace. I must be wimpy, I guess, since I was on HRT for 5 years and had some FFS before I went full time.
Quote from: kittenpower on July 21, 2015, 03:39:31 PM
It's a personal journey, so everyone goes at their own pace. I must be wimpy, I guess, since I was on HRT for 5 years and had some FFS before I went full time.
I spent two years on hormones and about 6 in therapy before I went full time. I wouldn't have done the nose if I hadn't of needed the adams apple shaved but I figured the nose could use it so I had a two at one time. Saved me the trauma of adding another surgery to my accumulation. The real wimp is me for fearing doctors and surgery so much. Even if I though FFS would do me some good, I don't think I could work up the courage to go through something like that. Hopefully my voice surgery will be the last I ever face but I did say that 33 years ago.
Well another update for today good news and bad news.
First the good news. I can actually use the bathroom if I want since against policy not to let me. Right now I'm not at the point of being comfortable yet but it's nice to know I have the option. Also all the managers apart from two know about me and support me
Bad news market HR says they can't announce that I'm going full time say in it might make it look like they are forcing me to. So I'm going to have to discuss this with everyone I'll be working with tomorrow and Friday oh well I'll manage some how.
More bad news now a few guys on my crew went to my manager saying I'm being mean to them and acting aggressive. And my manager asked me about it and I said if anything they are acting mean towards me and I said don't you think it's odd that all the sudden I'm getting complaints about me. I think he realized his mistake and kind of backtracked. Anyway I went ahead and asked him if I can work out on the floor tomorrow and Friday. Since im getting really uncomfortable back there. And im good for tomorrow but don't know about Friday yet.
At least I only have four more hours after my lunch to work with these guys directly and then I'm pretty much done.
edit and here's rest of the nights update. Two of the newer managers were super nice to me and one even waved at me which she's never done before. The guy that kind of made a fuss about me this evening came back from lunch and was really nice and polite with me. I think he kind of realized he made a mistake and actually started talking to me tonight which was nice. Also got brave enough and I switched out my badge from my old name and went as Raven for the first time tonight. The shift mananger that was on tonight started talking to me and said "Well i guess you are really starting two new jobs Saturday" And I was like "Yeah, I guess so" He just told me he'll watch out for me and it might be rough going for a few months. He also said that he wished I would've told him earlier he would have helped me. So another one as an ally!
Other then that the night went good apart from locking my keys in my car! Got that sorted out at least.
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Hi Raven,
The meeting is a good idea. But a small suggestion, don't be present for it. This way people are free to ask questions without you there. There won't be 100% acceptance but at least the company will know where people stand. And people will know where the company stands.
In the end no one can stop you but it's good to let people get accustomed first. The fact that they outed you makes that somewhat difficult but you can still do it.
It's weird that they won't announce it. That's how most large companies seem to handle transition. But whatever, one way or the other you're doing it and you know you have their support.
You will face resistance. That's a given, now or in a few months. And you will get stares and maybe more from customers. Waiting won't help, it will probably make it worse for you. You just have to learn how not to let it get to you. I work facing customers too, in the bible belt of a country that is itself a bible belt. At first it brought me down into depression, but I managed to come out of it. I know who I am and what I am, and so do the people that matter in my life.
Having support from your employers will be really good for the time you're figuring out how to face the world as a woman. We're here too.
Hugs!
Quote from: Promethea on July 22, 2015, 08:45:58 AM
It's weird that they won't announce it. That's how most large companies seem to handle transition.
I work for a large, multinational company and HR told me they wouldn't announce it. Even my VP had planned an email but when he talked to another director he told me he would just hold a meeting with close staff and he'd inform the other directors and VPs. Some people didn't even know. Some called me by my old name then I had to correct them.
However, I think it has been better than juts a blanket email, saying (essentially), "Your colleague is undergoing gender transition, her new name is Kate and she identifies as female, here's the anti discrimination policy, and please do your best to behave."
Not for nothing I did not want to be outed to the whole company. There are people around here I don't interact with on a daily basis and I am introduced to them as Kate for the first time. It's quite good because they will treat you like a person and not worry about trans status.
I guess today is going to be a test of my willpower. I have a good feeling that I'm not going to face a lot of trouble since the people I'll be talking to know me and like me already. And even if they don't like it they are still going to have to respect me as a person and my position of authority. I imagine the first five or six people its going to be kind of hard but will get easier down the line. Its weird but the one person I'm worried about is one supervisor that is openly gay. I know its silly but I don't want to come across as threatening his space since he hangs out females exclusively. I don't know if anything it might be alright letting my coworkers know in person it gives me some one on one time. Plus now not the entire work needs to know like cashiers which is like fifty people right there! But I'm sure it will fix itself today once I start talking.
As for not having the meeting I still can't figure it out. I think the market office is just covering itself by not looking like they are forcing me to do this. Since I am the only trans person that has come out at my work.
And Prometha, After finding out my new job duties last night I'm not that worried about customers as I was. Since I am going to be doing so much that I'll hardly be in one spot at all. Another good thing since I have worked in the back of the building for over a year even customers that are regulars don't know me. One good thing I've learned is that New Mexico is really tolerant towards people and there's not a lot of super religious types here.
Hello neighbor, New Mexico is just next door ;D You are right about New Mexico being a very liberal state though most of the country is now pretty open on gender issues.
For the gay supervisor I suggest you try to find some time for a one on one conversation. I suspect he will be accepting but you may need to build a little friendship between the two of you. I have never had issues with gay people but I know there are a few out there with issues. The worst are the female feminist type and I have only encountered one on the internet.
With a really large company, a meeting is impractically. If anyone has issues with you they will take it up with their boss or HR. In either case, if you need to be involved, I am sure they will pull you into the loop. For now it's best that only the people who work close to you know what is happening and you may find a fair portion of the company will not know of your history or care to know.
Know how much of your story you are willing to tell and under what conditions. Let the others know you are easy to talk with and willing to be helpful. People will come to you with questions but you may be surprised to find many people aren't interested in knowing more and will accept you whoever you are.
Once I had made the decision to transition I went around the floor where I worked and tried to personally speak with all of my co-workers to let them know what I was doing. It allowed them an opportunity to ask me questions in private and to get an idea of what I had been going through all my life. I think that they liked the fact that I took the time to personally speak with them.
Good luck today!!
One of my most supportive allies at work is openly flaming, thermo-nuclear high definition gay. He's built like a tank and he's not afraid to let people know that he's queer and he's here.
Initially I thought he'd not accept, but he did exactly the opposite. He's affirmed me to no end and always offered an ear to listen to my problems. A true friend and ally.
It's too bad he's gay, cause he's cute!
Dena, I admit before everything came up I never knew how liberal New Mexico was but now wow I actually like it here! I wa already kind of planning to have a one on one with all my supervisors today since I think all of them are working today if not Friday. And also the workers that will be under them as well. There's one guy that's going to be kind of hard for me since a long time ago we had an openly gay manager and I know he hated him. But you know people can change and actually be fine with it so fingers crossed! I might find it to be easy since right now I kind of feel like its an open secret since some of the females have been acting nicer towards me since last week.
Jessie you and Dena have given me really great advice. I was kind of planning just to let my workers know and if they had any questions feel free to ask and not to be afraid of me or anything. And that I'm very friendly and have a great personality.
iKate that's great what happend for you!
Quote from: Dena on July 22, 2015, 10:25:39 AM
The worst are the female feminist type and I have only encountered one on the internet.
I think you may be talking about the TERFs, or trans exclusionary radical feminists, who of course don't want to be called that, they say they're just radical feminists but that is not fair for the majority of radical feminists that don't feel the same way.
Most of my cis female friends are feminists, a lot of them could be described as radical, and I even participate in a feminist organisation where I know I'm not the only trans woman. And well, here I am.
One of the many reasons I won't touch Facebook
Quote from: Valkyrie_2 on July 22, 2015, 12:37:36 PM
One of the many reasons I won't touch Facebook
I don't either, I encountered her posting on a famous conservative website adding some light to a poorly written item on transsexualism. Did I ever tell you I was a glutton for punishment? ;D
She had the gall to call me a transexual. Me being post surgical 33 years. I have no intention of changing my sex again! ;D
Well I was going to take a few minutes and walk the floor and let people know. But my shift manager is on a power
trip this week and told me to do it on lunch and break. Well when life gives you lemons make lemonade. So I've let seven people know so far and the response has been positive.
Edit two more people out of the way. One guy really didn't understand it but has no problem. The other guys Jae dropped the floor but is looking forward to the new me.
And let another guy know. He was completely fine with it. And said before he dated a MtF.
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This is it my last day presenting as male. Right now I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be, of course still have three hours before work. I'm just going to let as many people as possible know today and leave it at that. And the news will spread on its on and take care of itself.
For me going full time was huge. There were some issues initially (bathroom related), but its all worked out. I started with a requirement to put up a magnet on the door (I chose a butterfly) to let people know I was in there. I only did it for two weeks before refusing. I've never had any complaints. Its been almost a year for me. The problems went away when people realized I was just in there to pee. Pretty much everyone calls me Ashley now.
I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me.
Relax and good luck. You will make it work.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 24, 2015, 10:49:31 AM
For me going full time was huge. There were some issues initially (bathroom related), but its all worked out. I started with a requirement to put up a magnet on the door (I chose a butterfly) to let people know I was in there. I only did it for two weeks before refusing. I've never had any complaints. Its been almost a year for me. The problems went away when people realized I was just in there to pee. Pretty much everyone calls me Ashley now.
I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me.
I might as well spill the beans where I do work. Its actually Wal-Mart and I'm surprised how supportive they are. It really helps that in 2012 I believe they passed a new policy with pretty much zero tolerance towards discrimination against transgender employees. At first I was told I couldn't use the bathroom but I did some research and the policy states I can. Went in the next morning to tell management and they did their homework also and realized I could. Right now I'm not comfortable with using it so I'm going to use the family single stall. But I'm pretty much going to have to face my fears pretty quickly. Since the family restroom and stalls in the back of the building are locked at night after 10PM to prevent theft. So like it or not I'll have to use the front restroom.
Quote from: RavenL on July 24, 2015, 11:02:31 AM
I might as well spill the beans where I do work. Its actually Wal-Mart and I'm surprised how supportive they are. It really helps that in 2012 I believe they passed a new policy with pretty much zero tolerance towards discrimination against transgender employees. At first I was told I couldn't use the bathroom but I did some research and the policy states I can. Went in the next morning to tell management and they did their homework also and realized I could. Right now I'm not comfortable with using it so I'm going to use the family single stall. But I'm pretty much going to have to face my fears pretty quickly. Since the family restroom and stalls in the back of the building are locked at night after 10PM to prevent theft. So like it or not I'll have to use the front restroom.
I suspected it might be something like Wal-Mart but I wasn't anywhere sure. In any case, if there are other restrooms, you might confine yourself to one and let the others know that's the one you will use. If they are uncomfortable with you, they will know they can safely use the other restrooms. On the other hand, sometimes women are very accepting and they won't mind sharing a rest room with you. After all, the toilets are enclosed unlike some of the fixtures in the male restroom.
I'm very familiar to many of the employees at the Walmart I work at. They've all been very supportive. However to this day I've only used the bathroom in public while not at work twice both times were while I was on my way to my Endo. At work I don't even think about it anymore. In public because its so rare, I'm still a little conscious about it.
Well I've let six more people know and five out of the six already knew. So I'm really not worried at this point and all of them have been super nice.
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Bathrooms are zero issues for me. I've used women's bathrooms in four states and two countries. I just don't give a flying flip. I walk in like I belong there because I do. I've encountered zero resistance. I used to feel nervous but I'm just there to do my business. At work a colleague offered to go with me and she did once but the day after I went full time. She didn't need to. I go in the restrooms and my female colleagues would say hi and chat it up. The cleaning person was in there one time and she didn't even give me a second look. Guests who I've never met before have encountered me in the restroom without incident.
As for my local Wal*Marts, they kinda know me but have said absolutely nothing. I get my HRT scrips filled there. I get carded for super glue and ammo but now my ID says female. Even with male they didn't even care or say anything even when I was wearing a dress and had makeup on.
Just a quick update. More then halfway done today eleven hour shift. Everything is going great! No strange looks or questions and get treated like everyone else.
Already got ma'am a lot today and have more people asking me question. Also my makeup hasn't fallen apart like I was afraid of, revelon color stay is great! Also it's weird today is the first time I've enjoyed my job even if it's high stress today.
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Yay! that is so wonderful Raven. I am so happy for you :D
What did I tell you. By the end of the day you pre transition nerves will be a thing of the past. Good Work.
Good on you Raven, it is so exciting to hear about your first steps into going full time. Very proud of you even though I don't know you personally. Keep it up. :)
Congrats girl! Glad it went well for you. Hugs!
I'm so proud of you Raven! From fear to transition in a single thread!
Wonderful!
Thanks ladies ;D
Just another quick update before I got back in. Eleven hours is brutal and I said I'd work twelve today why?
It was nice that some people that kind of new me before didn't recognize me at all! My new manager that's over grocery is totally awesome and was telling another manager that "I'm really going to get along with her and she's going to teach me a lot!" And pretty much everyone that I've heard so far is making an effort to gender me correctly just a few slip ups once in a while that I'm letting go. The female workers are super friendly towards me now and got so many hello's yesterday! Another manager that was on vacation for a week came back last night and she was super happy for me and me and her and another manager sat in the office and talked about work for twenty minutes last night. Something that's never happend to me before.
I do have one funny story to share. The way the trucks are unloaded at my work there are two different bays at each end of the store one for the bigger trucks and ones where the freight is just pulled off by pallets. A driver put the bigger truck in the wrong dock and my guys that I used to be over had no idea what to do. Well guess who they had to turn to? From not really caring about me the past week all the sudden it was "Raven how are we going to get this done? Tell us what to do!" I helped them out for a while and at least got them started till the issue was fixed.
Talk about a transition, you not only transition your gender but you transition your job at the same time. This is the first time I ever heard about a two for one like this!!
Wow Raven that is quite a thread. You started off so worried about being outed but decided to move up your plans and go full time, got promoted and everything is going great for you so far.I am really happy for you that your coworkers have embraced you. Looking forward to read more about your transition as it progresses.
Sorry I haven't posted any updates. Its literally been get up go to work and then sleep. I've worked over fifty hours since Friday! Dena, I know right? It felt weird doing two new things both at once!
Thanks Kelly!
So here is the update for the previous two days and what I've experienced.
Sunday night I got the dreaded "Sir" from behind by a customer at least he said "Sorry ma'am" When I turned around. I know I shouldn't but it pretty much ruined the night for me. And I told a few of my friends about it and they all said I look excatly like a girl so oh well. I also experienced having guys check me out and I'm pretty sure one was trying to get a date out of me.
Monday was interesting since every supervisor was there since most are off on the weekend. All of them were really nice towards me. Also I guess I'm really being accepted as female since two female associates who never really liked me are super happy for me and were becoming fast friends. One of the mangers pretty much told me she's jealous of me since I do my makeup better then her. The funny thing is guys are still kind of uncomfortable towards me and not really sure how to talk to me. One guy that has been my friend for almost four years now at work didn't even speak to me Monday.
Also customers treat me different females are super nice and smile when talking to me. I've also experienced how some guys are down right rude to me acting like I don't know what I'm talking about. While others are super nice to me now. But its more nice the rude and I can deal with it.
Tuesday I think was the best day out of the week. Everyone knows about me now and a lot more people started talking to me and saying hello. Also more are comfortable asking me how I picked my name and telling me I'm brave and stuff. I know one lady in the deli hates me since every time I get the "I wish you were dead look" But so far that's the worst thing I've gotten from anyone out of like four hundred people. And I did get called ma'am three times yesterday which made my day!
All and all I'm going to stick with it and do feel a lot better about myself. Also I'm getting told I sound really confident now and not super low like I used to. Oh and I took the big step and made an appointment with an endocrinologist but I have to wait till November which really is not to long.
And bonus me Saturday vs Tuesday me you can tell I'm worn out
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F8uuVu5Gm.jpg&hash=6c3a5a1cf00c5eb89c4c0016a9c5f6687d85db3d) (http://imgur.com/8uuVu5G)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FMiJSdRcm.jpg&hash=1a23ac95061ca1fe07a803285b6cbb21e60ff28e) (http://imgur.com/MiJSdRc)