Whenever I get upset I cry until I cut and I can't be happy in the least if I don't cut.. I don't want to cut.. I hate it but I can't stop.. I cut myself yesterday after going a week and a half without.. But I want to stop.. Any advice..?
Sade I don't really know jack about cutting but have heard that it is a way to make emotional pain feel more real???
If that is part of the problem then part of the solution might be to deal with the underlying emotional pain perhaps?? I can guess where some or your pain originates from.
Honey IMO you really do need to talk with a professional about this tho. Just saying no doesn't cut it ;)
I'm unable to see a professional because I have no way to.
OK I get that you are home schooled with seriously conservative parents but do you ever get to a doctor for anything? Might there be a time when you could ask your parents about talking to a doctor on your own? I don't like to BS people but might you consider a reason you need to see someone? Do other people know you cut?
I understand that cutting is a way to respond to pain and there are other ways that may not leave you so scarred. Your pain is real and hurting is expressed or "acted out" in sometimes creative ways. Do you like to write, play music, dance, sing, draw, take a nature hike or ride a bike?? Those are ways I have expressed myself and lost myself in something greater than my fears.
Thanks for sharing and so sorry about life's painful realities. It is one reason people spend time zoned out but that too is just a temporary balm. There is another way and you are smart enough to find the key to that door.
I don't go to the doctors pretty much ever.. And tbh I'm too scared to give them a reason to take me and the only person who knows I cut is my best friend.. As for the hobbies thing.. Drawing depresses me because I'm horrible at it and don't improve. And same for most others..
I know this maybe a shot in the dark but if you have email maybe you could email a Dr. or someone else. If you can Google mental health places in your hometown and see if they have an email address and email them. Good luck to you. I hope that you can get the help that you so desperately need. HUGS
I don't think that will work either because my parents will go through my phone every so often and the only way I can get on here is an incognito window on my phone..
I worry about you as there are worse ways to self harm and we really want you to have a better time. If you are cutting in a obvious area then maybe that part of your skin can be exposed and reveal a bit more about your internal turmoil to the rest of the world? If this is a sign of anxiety or depression there are countless medications and other ways to get back in to the more joyful rhythms of life. Just want you to get some help......
I cut on my inner thigh where no one can see.. I'm scared of what my parents will say otherwise..
Please don't... get rid of any usable objects...
you might reward yourself with a nice big ice at the next opportunity...
for distractions you might have a look here, esp. at page 2 :
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf
And please reach out... talk to someone...
you can call one of those for example, people are there to support and give advice (there are many others):
they also have a chat:
http://glnh.org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
http://translifeline.org
One possibility to talk to a professional is to talk to your doctor. They can refer you to someone.
You might say to parents you need some counseling for emotional purposes.
Another possibility might simply be to go to a school. There should be a school counselor there , who you might talk to.
Another one would be to call or email plannedparenthood, or a lgbt center, and ask for some counseling.
here are some further resources:
*1-800-DON'T-CUT – More info on self-injury
*1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.
many *hugs*
Thanks.. But I'm not sure I can do much really.. I'm in a horrible spot to get help in every way..
Quote from: JackieFox on August 04, 2015, 04:14:15 AM
Thanks.. But I'm not sure I can do much really.. I'm in a horrible spot to get help in every way..
-look at the sheet with the distractions. Next time some urge comes up, do one or a few of the things mentioned there.
You might strike a pillow, make paper balls and throw them on the floor...
-you can chat on one of the helplines given. Just like you post here.
There is also a chat on susans, by the way.
-you can also talk to a friend.
-think about going to a school in your vicinity, and ask for the counselor there. People are there to help.
Or go to your doctor, and simply tell them. Its not uncommon, you are not the only one.
giving you big hugs
Jackie, do you understand why people cut?
Normally it's to get some control over their lives and their feelings.
My best advice is to try to take control in other ways. I disagree with the advice that you need to distract yourself. In my experience that hasn't worked well.
How do you want your life to be? What is one step you can take to bring yourself closer to that life? What has to happen in order for things to change? What can you do to make those things happen?
The problem is that fixing your life requires risk and effort. Sometimes it's easier to hide from what needs to be done, because making the changes you need will be a long, unpleasant road. But then your life is out of control and cutting is the only way to give you control.
You are strong enough to face whatever needs to be faced. I can't guarantee that everything will turn out well. I can guarantee that the power you feel by trying to make thing happen is WAY BETTER than the power you feel by cutting.
Good luck and hugs. I really hope this helps.
Have you tried bringing this up with your parents? Surely - no matter how conservative - they'd rather get you the help you need instead of continuing to self-harm?
Cutting isn't healthy at all. Please at least give them a chance to help you.
At this point. I'm scared sh- to death to tell my parents anything like this.. They think I'm fine and I don't want then to worry about me at this point.
It is all your call on where to go and how to get there Sade. I sure don't want to rain on your family parade but sometimes the safe, "everything is fine" bubble people create is a harmful illusion. I worry that you are being isolated, controlled and restricted from full participation in your own life. If your folks want to live in the bubble that's their right. I would also hope they understand your right to self determination especially in matters of identity and consciousness. Without opportunities to gain experience and test yourself in the real world you and they may find it harder to eventually think for yourself. Part of a parents role is to encourage the development of independence and to help you learn the dances of diplomacy in getting there. Critical thinking does not mean criticizing people it is a way to be a good judge and evaluate what the issues are.
I expected my kids to talk back and question me. I wanted to be and was the one they could try ideas out with and be safe in knowing they are loved even if we disagree. The truth is likely coming out some day. How would you set that stage?
So I philosophize plenty and really don't know what is going on in your family but I worry for you. Any bros or sisters?
Jackie in some ways we are very much alike. I knew at age 13 that I was transexual but I also knew that treatment wouldn't be possible so I started keeping everything inside me so my family wouldn't know. Cutting didn't exist so for me it was a matter of living with the pain. The pain continued to build until I reached the age of 23. One day I came very close to taking my own life. The only thing that stopped me was they thought I hadn't tried to get medical help. A few days latter I told my mom and it may have been the hardest thing I ever did. I expected I might get thrown out of the house but I wasn't. My mother found and set up an appointment with my first doctor and that is where my path to transitioning started resulting in me finding a very happy life.
The only one who isn't conservative in my family is my sister and I am a conservative. Being a conservative doesn't keep you from caring or wanting to help other people. Your parent went through a good deal of trouble home schooling you because they want the best for you. This may not be what they planed but you need to explain how bad you hurt on the inside and that you need help dealing with it. You will be no worst off than you are but I think your parents will get the help you need.
I know I am asking a lot from you but the only way you will be able to stop the cutting is with medical help. You are dealing with to much pain to fix this without help. Please let me know you you will think about this and let us know what you decide.
Hello ,
I really hope my reply won't seem, insensitive , i am a little cold these days . My approach is a biological one , fitted for the desire to cut no matter the reason itself . I know part of the answer is to deal with the traumas and dysphoria , but on the other hand one can look the other way round . Sure , the problems exist , but with a healthy approach they are not insurmontable . I used to cut myself too , but then i read one article about cutting being an impulse given by the lack of serotonin . When we cut ourself serotonin is secreted and we feel better and clearer , in control , but it is a vicious circle . Think of the girls that restrict their diet , they get to lack proteins , thus lacking tryptofan , then the lack of tryptofan affects the mind into depression and also into not seeing themselves corectly and dieting further on .
From what i read , no matter the genetic factor , all the mental conditions are in fact physical ones and can be seen and treated as such , even that not completely .
There are a few great sites about alternative psychiatry , as i would never recommend the conventional drugs , they just cover the wound and , even worse , hurt deeper , even in the area they were marketed as treatment .
It's a cold , rational , reply , i know , but it has great results , I managed to deal with my OCD and severe depression by being carefull on my nutrition and supplements . I am still in progress but the differences are just huge .
So , yes , of course people contact and talking will help , but please take care of the physiological perspective . No matter how much we think of ourselves as superior , mistical entities , loved by someone upthere , we are just pieces of flesh and function like any other living thing , psyhically included .
I used to cut and cut , and cry , and seek someone to help me , yet there was no one there , not a single person to care for me , that until one day i felt so deep i had no where to fall . Then i found this will to heal myself , because no one would help me anyway .
Sorry for the rant and the apparent insensitivity .
Here is one link http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/
Quote from: JackieFox on August 04, 2015, 11:49:20 PM
At this point. I'm scared sh- to death to tell my parents anything like this.. They think I'm fine and I don't want then to worry about me at this point.
Remember, Jackie, it's your parents' job to take care of you. It's not your job to take care of them.
I just wish they would support me. They are convinced trans and bi is sinful so they won't support it.
Then don't tell them you are transsexual. Tell them you are depressed and you cut. If they don't believe you, show them your scars. You will be brought to a doctor where you make the deal that you will tell him or her why you cut as long as they promise not to tell your parents without your permission. Talk with the doctor and work out something you are comfortable with.
You need to get treatment somehow because cutting isn't good. You might get infected and you are marking your body
I don't have an answer about how to do it , but you need to get treatment from a doctor.
Quote from: JackieFox on August 06, 2015, 12:43:13 AM
I just wish they would support me. They are convinced trans and bi is sinful so they won't support it.
Ok...
there are two things that can be done imo...
one is to get rid of short term anger... thats like throwing paperballs... hitting a pillow... distractions...
the other is to longer term look for a solution.
So that the anger does not well up.
You might tell your parents you want counseling, for emotional reasons, and pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,193402.msg1724373.html#msg1724373
Or you might email plannedparenthood, or a lgbt center and ask for counseling...
you might go to a school and talk to the school counselor there...
another option would be to talk to your parents, educate them and tell them you want some counseling, for gender purposes.
Its up to you what you say since you know them best...
being transgender has nothing to do with religion.
Many people now say it has to do with brain development before birth, so its nobodys fault.
Things like this happen.
Here is a brochure from a very reputable source, specifically for family and med personnel:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf
You might tell them you want counseling, a supportive person to help you along.
Just pick someone supportive. You might ask at plannedparenthood or a lgbt center. If they are not supportive look for another.
If your parents have questions they might look for the next PFLAG chapter. Its parents from all walks of life.
You might even call there and ask for support.
hugs
Quote from: JackieFox on August 06, 2015, 12:43:13 AM
I just wish they would support me. They are convinced trans and bi is sinful so they won't support it.
Oh, Jackie, this is a very difficult situation to be in.
A lot of parents don't know that gender is wired into us - that it's not something we can help or that will go away on its own. The also don't know how our gender can destroy us if we ignore it.
Is there an adult who can help you explain to them what their lack of support will do to you? Someone at school? A relative or family friend? If not, is there a PFLAG group near you?
This is a very heavy burden to carry alone.
I used to cut, I used to cry and felt so hollow inside when I did it, all this was before I came out. The feeling of being stuck and completely miserable is a horrible feeling but it DOES get better, waiting it out seems impossible however it is far from it, you just have to grit your teeth and be strong.
The way I stopped was by seeing therapists and whenever I felt urges coming on I would stick my earphones in and drift off or go for a run to release the anger. If it is possible, if you cannot access doctors, try to find something temporary to distract you.
Hope you are alright
Much love
Quote from: JackieFox on August 04, 2015, 01:19:21 AM
Whenever I get upset I cry until I cut and I can't be happy in the least if I don't cut.. I don't want to cut.. I hate it but I can't stop.. I cut myself yesterday after going a week and a half without.. But I want to stop.. Any advice..?
Been there done that.
It's not worth it honestly. To cut yourself I mean.
What you should honestly do when you are upset (and this helped me MAJORLY), When you are crying upset, get to the root of the problem. Try to figure out what is REALLY bugging you, and ask yourself why?
If it's a certain person, understand they have no control over you. Unless it's your parents... because, assuming you are a minor posting here, just don't let them get to you. If it is your parents, try to talk, calmly and collectively.
And the next time you feel like cutting, ask yourself "Do I really want to die? Or is there something to live for?" And honestly the answer is simple, there is a lot to live for...
I just saw this in my Tapatalk digest and thought I could offer some advice... I cut for about 7 years, and I recently quit (about 1.5 years ago). I quit with a thick rubber band that I wrote my goals on, if I felt the urge to cut, I snapped the band. I also had a bracelet that said "What Would Mom Do" that helped me. I was also going through therapy and they got my meds adjusted correctly. If you want to you can PM me or drop me an email (official.xian@gmail.com) if you'd like to talk. Good luck.
Sent from my LG-VS985 using Tapatalk
Have you ever watched the youtuber Kati Morton? All her videos are about mental health, she has lots of videos about self harm and how to try to stop. As a person who's had a self harm problem in the past I know how you feel and how difficult it is to stop. I'm clean a good while but I still get thoughts about it. I would recommend watching her videos, I know they helped me with loads of things so I really hope they help you too. I promise it gets better, it'll be difficult but it's worth it. I hope your day is beautiful!
-Seamus.
This is freaking great!! I'm back to cutting daily!! Yay I hate my lifeee!!
I really wasn't gonna to post but here it goes. I started cutting very young, maybe around 4 or 5 after accidentally cutting my arm on a piece of class on a picture I won at the carnival. I hate to admit it but it felt really good so I just did minor stuff like use pencils or purposely step on broken glass. wasn't till I was around 14 that things started going down hill and it was due to a very worried teacher (mind you I started wearing hoodies because I got cold easily at this point and started sleeping a lot in class) so I got caught and I was out in the light. even after getting caught and sent to hospitals, to this day I still do it (I know I know its wrong but my wrists ache if I don't) OK long story short, if your cutting gets worse and your not seen by a doctor or professional, if your a minor, than that's considered neglect. if you feel like your not getting the help you need, I hate to say it, but you need to be removed and put somewhere safe so you can receive the help you need.
Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk
Sorry but regardless of if my parents hate me or don't support me I still love them and will not put them through that. Ever.
Quote from: JackieFox on August 31, 2015, 10:51:20 PM
Sorry but regardless of if my parents hate me or don't support me I still love them and will not put them through that. Ever.
-you could talk to them and tell them you'd like to see a therapist for emotional purposes, then pick someone who has gender on their list
-you could go to a school and talk to the counselor there.
It's a really hard thing to get over. I used to cut myself too. It felt really good when I did it. But then I started feeling guilty about, which made me want to do it more. It's a vicious cycle. What I did to stop myself is I kept a rubber band around my wrist, and snapped it whenever I felt the urge to do it. You can't really do too much damage with a rubber band, but it still hurts a lot. Some people don't like this kind of thing, cause your still inflicting pain on yourself. But I see it as the lesser of two evils.
The only real way to stop is too stop being sad or stressed. But I know that is totally not an easy thing. I played a lot of video games where people like to talk and found that it was a nice escape from reality too. Didn't talk about my problems with them, just talked about random stuff and had fun. I never had those urges when I played games. I know it doesn't fix your real world problem. But it does make parts of your life more positive, and easier to deal with.
It's okay that you've cut yourself, and it's okay if you mess up and cut yourself again. We all make mistakes, and learn from them. Don't let yourself get down about cutting. Cause feeling down about feeling down is just not gonna help ya any. I've also know quite a few cutters, none of them still cut. It does stop, if you let it. Just stay positive! <333
I just hate cutting because I know it scars and I have some now.. Luckily only on the inner thigh so no one will see them.. Until I wear booty shorts after my transition anyway.. Yeahhhh.. Hopefully I can stop it..
Quote from: JackieFox on September 01, 2015, 01:50:32 PM
I just hate cutting because I know it scars and I have some now.. Luckily only on the inner thigh so no one will see them.. Until I wear booty shorts after my transition anyway.. Yeahhhh.. Hopefully I can stop it..
Well here are some resources:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,193366.msg1724015.html#msg1724015
You might use a public phone if you have restraints...
and they also have a chat...
And please get rid of all sharp objects.
And in case of anger outbursts remember making paper balls and throwing them on the floor...
or striking a pillow...
or taking a few breaths and thinking of something nice...
hugs
Thanks but I'm not calling anything. I'm going to try a little harder to stop cutting.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 01, 2015, 03:19:17 PM
Thanks but I'm not calling anything. I'm going to try a little harder to stop cutting.
Good :)
One strategy can be to make it through the next five minutes...
then the next five... etc...
hugs
I recently got pretty bad. Hopefully I can be good again.
Jackie, if you need to cut, that's fine. I understand. Just be sure your tools are clean so you don't get infected. Have you tried hot sauce on the tongue instead of a scarring method? Pinching? Ice held in the hand hurts like hell too. PM, email, or Skype me if you like.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: JackieFox on September 01, 2015, 03:25:51 PM
I recently got pretty bad. Hopefully I can be good again.
I hope so.
Does it help to concentrate on what you feel is good in your life ?
Do you have a pet ? They sometimes can help coming to a calmer viewpoint...
Well you might make a list with what you could do to have an improvement in the long term...
maybe on your pc where you are the only one to see it...
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 01, 2015, 03:34:04 PM
Jackie, if you need to cut, that's fine. I understand. Just be sure your tools are clean so you don't get infected. Have you tried hot sauce on the tongue instead of a scarring method? Pinching? Ice held in the hand hurts like hell too. PM, email, or Skype me if you like.
Hugs, Devlyn
Well I'd advocate the method with the five minutes...
just try to remain clean for the next five minutes...
then the next five...
the urge will eventually recede...
Hopefully when I get a new pc doing YouTube lets plays will help me.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 01, 2015, 03:40:29 PM
Hopefully when I get a new pc doing YouTube lets plays will help me.
You expect a new pc anytime in the near future ? :)
Going to ask for one for Christmas this year.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 01, 2015, 04:06:11 PM
Going to ask for one for Christmas this year.
Well something to look forward to :)
hugs
Definitely! *hugs*
Quote from: JackieFox on August 04, 2015, 01:19:21 AM
Whenever I get upset I cry until I cut and I can't be happy in the least if I don't cut.. I don't want to cut.. I hate it but I can't stop.. I cut myself yesterday after going a week and a half without.. But I want to stop.. Any advice..?
Please stop cutting you are a valuable person :-)
Sent from my ME172V using Tapatalk
I'm trying.. Things just got tough again though.. Going to carry a blade with me from now on again..
Quote from: JackieFox on September 03, 2015, 06:56:10 AM
I'm trying.. Things just got tough again though.. Going to carry a blade with me from now on again..
Don't carry any sharp objects...
you might give in in a moment...
just try to concentrate on the next five minutes...
and try to vent anger in a harmless way...
can you throw paperballs...
or scream... into a pillow or into a piece of clothing...
do you have some friends you could play ball with...
Anger isn't what drives me to cut. And no I don't have any friends to play ball with. I only have one friend and it feels like I'm losing even he so.. Yeah.. I'm alone.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 03, 2015, 02:13:28 PM
Anger isn't what drives me to cut. And no I don't have any friends to play ball with. I only have one friend and it feels like I'm losing even he so.. Yeah.. I'm alone.
Don't think that... they probably like you... just try to relax and be yourself...
and from what you write you are a nice being... so just be yourself, and you will meet some people who are all right, too... just try to relax..
well... if you don't play ball some people get creative... writing, or drawing... or reading uplifting stories...
by the way there are many others of your age here...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.0.html
you can pm, and there is also a chat...
*hugs*
I'm not going to make new friends anymore. I can't handle losing them and I refuse to anymore from now on. I really don't see myself making it too far in life..
I understand how you feel because around age 23 I thought life was pretty well over but I made the decision to try coming out. When I did, my parents didn't understand and it took years before my mother did but they didn't throw me out of the house and I reached my goal. We have been over this and I understand why you don't want to come out to your parents but as I said, tell your parents you are depressed and if they aren't willing to get you to therapy, tell them you are cutting. I know you don't want to hurt your parents but it's not your fault you feel the way you do. Your parents job is to take care of you when you can't and now you need to trust that they will get you the therapy you badly need. It won't be a gender therapist but you will still be able to receive some help. You are dealing with far more pain than most people ever deal with and containing is going to become harder with time. If you don't get help now it will be worst when you can't contain the pain any longer.
I lived with this pain between age 13 and around age 27 because my initial therapy was poor and it took me a while to find somebody skilled in treating the issues I had. That destroyed the life I should have lived in that time and even today I regret I wasn't able to live a more normal life in those years. You have a shot at avoiding the wasted life I had in those years but you need some form of therapy now. As you are younger than I was when I first started therapy, you won't have nearly as much to deal with. Please let us know you will ask your parents for help dealing with the depression. What you are doing isn't going to help and you know it because you are cutting as much as before.
I already came out to them and I got the whole "who told you?" And the "just a phase" speeches. There's no point in trying to get help. And I will just have to live with constant self harming.
Did you tell them you are cutting and have depression?
Yes. Same day as I came out and they just told me I don't have depression and to "stop cutting myself because I'm better than that" but whatever.. Happiness is just an illusion whereas pain is truth. At least for me.
Can you get to a computer with a printer and make a copy of the letter contained on the following link to pass to your parents? Otherwise, you need to find another adult in your life who will give you help. Your parents treatment of you boarders on child neglect and people have been sent to jail for that.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html)
Nope I can't. I don't care at this point. I'd really just like to die..
Dying isn't the solution, living is. There is so much waiting for you in the future but we have to find a way of getting you there. I would drop a copy in the mail for you if I had an address to send it to. Is there a relative like an aunt or uncle or grandparent that you could get help from?
We will be here for you Sade and as the motel commercial says "We'll keep a light on"
Are you homeschooling this year too? Any family trips coming up? What kind of PC is on your xmas list? I met some local guys who invented a water cooled CPU because they are wicked gamers and were melting down too often.
Apparently melt downs are bad for them and us?
Quote from: Tessa James on September 04, 2015, 01:55:11 PM
We will be here for you Sade and as the motel commercial says "We'll keep a light on"
Are you homeschooling this year too? Any family trips coming up? What kind of PC is on your xmas list? I met some local guys who invented a water cooled CPU because they are wicked gamers and were melting down too often.
Apparently melt downs are bad for them and us?
Yes I am homeschooling again this year and I probably will until college honestly. I don't think I could survive in public school since I never went to public school. No family trips are planned, we just had one a few weeks back and my parents just fought the whole time.
I want to get a powerful PC preferably built for hardcore gaming (meaning lots of RAM and very fast speed) I'm thinking Alienware but I'm not sure if that would be the best.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 02:37:59 PM
Yes I am homeschooling again this year and I probably will until college honestly. I don't think I could survive in public school since I never went to public school. No family trips are planned, we just had one a few weeks back and my parents just fought the whole time.
I want to get a powerful PC preferably built for hardcore gaming (meaning lots of RAM and very fast speed) I'm thinking Alienware but I'm not sure if that would be the best.
One of my seven brothers and his wife home schooled their kids and I worried about them being isolated and shy. I did not need to worry as his son came out gay/gender queer and is one of the most popular guys i know as an adult.
That vacation sounds like a bad movie. We get so little free time and often have big expectations about how good it must be and then....
China's Tianhe-2 remains the world's most powerful computer, so i hear. but there is so much out there especially if you are into the assembly thing?
I spend way too much time at my PC and my dog is reminding me to go for a walk now.....se ya later girl
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 02:37:59 PM
I want to get a powerful PC preferably built for hardcore gaming (meaning lots of RAM and very fast speed) I'm thinking Alienware but I'm not sure if that would be the best.
Well its a solid company...
would self assembly be an alternative ?
Self assembly is definitely not an alternative although I wish it was.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 04:12:10 PM
Self assembly is definitely not an alternative although I wish it was.
Well you can start by chossing components and have it assembled...
and changing some components later...
there are lots of howtos on the internet...
like how to change memory...
upgrade a processor...
or even change a mainboard...
you can get aquainted a bit with components first and work on it later :)
many people have started out this way :)
and you can also experiment a little with operating systems...
setting up multi boot and trying out linux for example...
for linux there are also live dvds by the way... where you can try it out... sometimes they are part of pc magazines...
it can be really fun :)
Its not an alternative due to that wouldn't really go over great with asking to assemble a PC for a Christmas present.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 04:26:24 PM
Its not an alternative due to that wouldn't really go over great with asking to assemble a PC for a Christmas present.
No :)
But you might say exactly what kind of PC...
have a look at components like mainboards... memory... processor...
and make a clear suggestions... what type with which components... and its assembled and delivered...
and later on you might think about upgrades of memory, processor or mainboard...
this way you might get aquainted with components first in theory and then in practise :)
Thats really how most people started.
They got a pre assembled pc and started upgrading. :)
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 04:12:10 PM
Self assembly is definitely not an alternative although I wish it was.
I have another web site I have been a member of starting in 2001 and we do distributive computing. A number of the people are running more than one rig in order to process more work units so cost and power are the main factors in hardware selection. As the result, I don't think any of the high power rigs were purchased assembled. Water cooled is common but a few use freon systems and one guy played around with liquid nitrogen but that didn't prove practical. I am not into really high power systems so I am just running a single Mac Pro and I had to disable one of the graphic processor because the thing was running to hot. It still puts me in top 5% of the most powerful computers.
Quote from: Laura_7 on September 04, 2015, 04:32:52 PM
No :)
But you might say exactly what kind of PC...
have a look at components like mainboards... memory... processor...
and make a clear suggestions... what type with which components... and its assembled and delivered...
and later on you might think about upgrades of memory, processor or mainboard...
this way you might get aquainted with components first in theory and then in practise :)
Thats really how most people started.
They got a pre assembled pc and started upgrading. :)
Um I think I will just get an alienware and not upgrade it..
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 04:35:18 PM
Um I think I will just get an alienware and not upgrade it..
Well its up to you how deep you want to go into the subject.
Its often the graphics card if you play games.
So many people after some time think about upgrading their graphics card.
But, well, sometimes its not necessary to have the very latest games...
there are quite old games for example which have nice stories and are not demanding on hardware :)
I will need to play some newer games for YouTube. So I need a pretty decent PC.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 04:52:10 PM
I will need to play some newer games for YouTube. So I need a pretty decent PC.
What kind of games do you play ?
I will be playing multiple different games and some will require some RAM like heavily modded Minecraft.
Well as said something to look forward to :)
By the way there is also a minecraft server on susans...
maybe your pc now might be sufficient for an entry...
I dont have a PC anymore.
Well as said something to look forward to then...
would you prefer a pc or would be a laptop a better idea ?
When I say PC I am most of the time referring to Laptop sorry about that. I want a laptop.
I prefer laptops too.
Its much more convenient... you can take your files and all your setups with you...
Exactly.
Well by the way if you don't like those glare displays there is a foil which reduces glare...
I prefer matte displays which don't mirror much the surrounding...
if you wear a white tshirt and the lighting is unfavourable you mostly see the shirt :)
Quote from: Laura_7 on September 04, 2015, 05:58:34 PM
Well by the way if you don't like those glare displays there is a foil which reduces glare...
I prefer matte displays which don't mirror much the surrounding...
if you wear a white tshirt and the lighting is unfavourable you mostly see the shirt :)
I'm not too worried about that cuz I will probably be recording in the dark at night or inside lol
And it would be a windows laptop or have you considered a mac ?
I would DEFINITELY want a windows (7 if possible)
:) I understand.
Also the choice of 7 :)
As said... if you want to play with linux one day there are evaluation dvds. You can even make them yourself, just downloading and putting on a usb stick.
What is an evaluation DVD?
Its a dvd with a fixed operating system on it.
You don't have to install it, its just started from dvd or usb stick.
You can play around and have a look at another os, for example linux.
If you are done you restart your laptop and return to your usual os.
Its ideal if you don't want to change anything on your system but want to try out something new.
Ah okay. I will probably stick with what I know though but thanks.
Yep... first get used to the new system :)
This got very off topic..
Quote from: JackieFox on September 04, 2015, 06:46:15 PM
This got very off topic..
Well discussions sometimes go off topic... and as said you have something to look forward to :)
Yeah I guess I do
this applies to some extent for me too. after a psychiterist convinced them that ther is no thing as Gender Dysphoria and this is obcession to gender.they told my parents to survillance and prevent me to access internet and other resources. they monitered too much.since i was in my college i usually become much anxious that i scratch and cut myself.many a time i was just so close to suicide but i thought maybe a great life waits me ahead if i made it and i prevented myself in. The only thing calmed me was a hope of my oneself life. i hate forced mascualinity since i was a kid. i knew when i was a a little grown younger that my parents wont allow me to transition.so i waited and concentrated on my studies,got engineering and waited until i got financially independent. i started my transition since then.i am working in MNC.Still my parents dont understand me ,my [friends] cut out from me in fear of lawsuit from my so called family, including my best friend.i am all alone ,but its my life.i dont know whether i get another life or not; but this life, want to be myself and god is with me. .if you can't do anything for a time concentrate on you skill set so as to survive and make a path to your transition.
...
today i destroyed my previous photos and videos except for legel ones i feel great.i never want to go back. its more than my worst nightmare. :laugh:
That's actually pretty inspiring believe it or not. And I start my first week of work ever next week actually so.. Yay? Lol
Quote from: JackieFox on September 16, 2015, 01:38:25 PM
That's actually pretty inspiring believe it or not. And I start my first week of work ever next week actually so.. Yay? Lol
Great :)
What kind of work do you have ?
Cashier. So nothing glamorous.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 17, 2015, 10:58:32 PM
Cashier. So nothing glamorous.
A job is what you make of it. JC Penny started out working in a store for somebody else. Look up JC Penny founder and you will find an interesting character.
I'm so sorry that you're in such an awful situation. You don't want to tell your parents because you don't want to worry them. This is about you, you need them to know. Do you have a computer or is there a way you can have access to one? Maybe you could try emailing a few therapists or doctors.
http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html has a list of all the certified gender therapists. You could try shooting an email to one of them.
If you still have the urge to cut, you could try taking a red marker and make "cuts" on the site where you usually do it. It really helps me when I want to.
Good luck! Things will get better.
I would love to be able to email therapists but my parents could potentially find out about it by looking through my email.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 20, 2015, 01:54:43 AM
I would love to be able to email therapists but my parents could potentially find out about it by looking through my email.
Well you can set up a new email account... just use a web interface.
You're a step up on your road to recovery by getting yourself a job. Yeah it's not glamorous but you can move up in retail quickly and make more money. I've been working retail jobs since I was 16 and never stepped away from them because there is always an opportunity. I make more money than a lot of college grads who are just stepping into their line of work. My cousin graduated top in his law school and has not been able to find a job for 5 years. So you are doing a lot better than most people :). My only advice and it's probably not very good, is to continue to focus on your happiness. Keep your mind occupied with work, and things that you enjoy doing. My best friend of 15 years use to cut himself too before his transition. He ended up in a mental hospital about 2 times because he would just snap. He hasn't cut himself in about 12 years now. I think he kept his mind busy with his music and art. I will send him a text and see what things he did to get himself out of the cutting.
his response* He basically said that he got older, realized he was hurting people around him, and found out that he could get sick from it. Those were the major factors for him to stop.
Quote from: Laura_7 on September 20, 2015, 08:44:56 AM
Well you can set up a new email account... just use a web interface.
To be honest I don't really want to go behind my parent's backs anymore than I have by being on this site. Despite them being transphobic and basically crapping on us I still respect them as my parents and I love them because that's who they are in my life.
Considering what's been going on with my best friend though. I'm reconsidering not moving to the UK. My plan was to move to England when I either graduated college or when I turned eighteen but my Youth Pastor brought up a new idea: go to college in the UK. If I go to college there, I might want to go to Bristol University but if anyone has other suggestions, let me know (I want to get a degree in something involving computers).
Quote from: JackieFox on September 20, 2015, 09:54:01 PM
To be honest I don't really want to go behind my parent's backs anymore than I have by being on this site. Despite them being transphobic and basically crapping on us I still respect them as my parents and I love them because that's who they are in my life.
Considering what's been going on with my best friend though. I'm reconsidering not moving to the UK. My plan was to move to England when I either graduated college or when I turned eighteen but my Youth Pastor brought up a new idea: go to college in the UK. If I go to college there, I might want to go to Bristol University but if anyone has other suggestions, let me know (I want to get a degree in something involving computers).
Going to college and transitioning there might be a good idea.
The environment ist often more accepting than school.
On the other hand, an early transition is preferrable because the sooner hormones or blockers, the better.
One option for that would be simply to say at home you want counseling, for emotional reasons.
Which is all true.
You might pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list.
They could support you in explaining to your parents.
If they are not supportive look for another.
Of course parents want to protect their child.
But if their child has some kind of ailment its legitimate to look for help.
Just don't make up some disease.
You might say its for emotional reasons, or simply ask here for a better wording.
Concerning questions for the UK,
you might contact the mermaids, its a group specifically for transgender youth:
http://mermaidsuk.org.uk
"We offer information, support, friendship and shared experiences."
They can be contacted via mail...
you could ask there for more information and support.
It will be a long time before I can do any of that but thank you.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 20, 2015, 09:54:01 PM
To be honest I don't really want to go behind my parent's backs anymore than I have by being on this site. Despite them being transphobic and basically crapping on us I still respect them as my parents and I love them because that's who they are in my life.
Considering what's been going on with my best friend though. I'm reconsidering not moving to the UK. My plan was to move to England when I either graduated college or when I turned eighteen but my Youth Pastor brought up a new idea: go to college in the UK. If I go to college there, I might want to go to Bristol University but if anyone has other suggestions, let me know (I want to get a degree in something involving computers).
I understand how you feel about going behind your parents backs but consider your options. You can keep all your are feeling inside you and it will hurt even more. I did this because there was no treatment available to me. It damaged me and took me years to get over most of it. Some of it like the lack of a real social life I still live with today. Susan's isn't a medical web site and can't give you all you need, but talking to others like you is the only treatment available to you at the present. We help you cope so you will have to deal with less damage when you are older. The best solution would be to get you in treatment now.
I am not sure, but I think I heard that OU is gender friendly. England might be an interesting adventure but I suspect the cost would be far higher than an in country or in state university. When you start researching schools make sure you find out what their gender policies are as you may be able to start treatment under the care of the school.
I hope I can end up with a female roommate to be perfectly honest. Guys are kinda icky to me in general. But I have a crush on some..
Quote from: JackieFox on September 23, 2015, 09:23:45 PM
I hope I can end up with a female roommate to be perfectly honest. Guys are kinda icky to me in general. But I have a crush on some..
The only way I have heard of that happening so far is if you are both open transsexual and in transition. There are reasons, sexual in nature that keep the men and women in separate rooms.
Quote from: Dena on September 24, 2015, 12:34:20 AM
The only way I have heard of that happening so far is if you are both open transsexual and in transition. There are reasons, sexual in nature that keep the men and women in separate rooms.
That's exactly why I fear going to college. I don't want to live with a guy.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 24, 2015, 03:41:35 PM
That's exactly why I fear going to college. I don't want to live with a guy.
Your only other option would be to live off campus but that didn't work for me because I still had to share a bedroom with my brother. Living of campus would allow you to pick your roommates and share an house or an apartment, The other options is to live and work off campus and attend school part time. If you need to work in order to pay for your schooling then and evening or night time job might work out better and you attend what classes you can in the day. Some jobs like security guard allow you a good deal of time that you could use for study.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 24, 2015, 03:41:35 PM
That's exactly why I fear going to college. I don't want to live with a guy.
Well if its a large uni they might accoodate for trans people...
so you might be together with another trans person...
Quote from: Dena on September 24, 2015, 04:05:30 PM
Your only other option would be to live off campus but that didn't work for me because I still had to share a bedroom with my brother. Living of campus would allow you to pick your roommates and share an house or an apartment, The other options is to live and work off campus and attend school part time. If you need to work in order to pay for your schooling then and evening or night time job might work out better and you attend what classes you can in the day. Some jobs like security guard allow you a good deal of time that you could use for study.
I'm just going to accept the fact I will be forced to live with a guy.
Quote from: Laura_7 on September 24, 2015, 04:18:50 PM
Well if its a large uni they might accoodate for trans people...
so you might be together with another trans person...
My parents will likely make sure I don't end up with such.
Quote from: JackieFox on September 24, 2015, 05:28:44 PM
My parents will likely make sure I don't end up with such.
-think positive
-you can take matters in your own hands and arrange housing then...
keep dreaming... and usually some kind of solution appears :)
hugs
Quote from: Laura_7 on September 24, 2015, 06:04:29 PM
-think positive
-you can take matters in your own hands and arrange housing then...
keep dreaming... and usually some kind of solution appears :)
hugs
Yeah, but they are funding me I think and I doubt I would be able to support myself with that. I don't know, maybe I could.. I'm not getting my hopes up though..