I'm in kind of deep.
So I met this guy online. He doesn't know i'm trans at all.
On the website where we met, he'd been messaging me frequently and we kind of went from there. He does live relatively near me. He seems like a really nice guy.
I do look a little different than I do in the pictures, not drastically though. But I'm still feeling nervous about telling him I'm trans and seeing I look different in the pictures.
We did exchange numbers and we would text since last night. He called me last night too and we briefly spoke. Today he's frequently texting me again.
I wanted to meet him in person, like at a mall or something well populated. That's when if ever I'll tell him I'm transgender.
What do you guys think of this situation.
I think this kind of anxiety could have been avoided by having been upfront about it in the first place. I know that's not popular opinion around here but it's my opinion~
*Flies awaaay.*
Quote from: Ashey on February 25, 2016, 03:47:09 PM
I think this kind of anxiety could have been avoided by having been upfront about it in the first place. I know that's not popular opinion around here but it's my opinion~
This ^^^
My gender therapist has been working with trans people for more than two decades. In all that time she's never seem a relationship between a trans woman and a cis straight guy survive the guy finding the the woman is trans. The only relationships that seemed to have a chance were where the guy knew from the very start.
If I meet someone who doesn't know I'm trans and we arrange a date, I always let him know before the date, so he can back out if he wants. If he does, at least I know why it didn't work out.
I may be the last one to ask because I have zero experience dating but it depends on how comfortable you are with others knowing your past. As long as your relationship isn't serious and it confined to getting to know each other, it shouldn't be important that he knows your history. My opinion is if the relationship is reaching the point where someone could be hurt when the truth comes out, it's time to put your cards on the table.
I know you are still pre surgical but some girls have remained stealth all the way through a marriage. They were comfortable doing something like that but personally, I would not be. What every you decide, it's not my place to judge you. Ask your self the same question. How long would you want somebody to withhold something like that from you.
Just try to relax *hugs*
There are quite a few people who don't tell right from the start because they want a chance to be seen as who they are as a person.
If you do not make a big deal out of it its more likely they react in kind.
You might tell that there are studies showing being transgender is biological, to do with development before birth.
So its literally a girls brain in a mans body and vice versa.
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf
The usual remedy is to adapt the body, which is possible with hormones.
So the body is the real deal... and they are attracted by femininity.
You might test the waters by asking how they stand in lgbt issues.
Maybe asking about a movie or a series. But it might just give a hint.
Wish you luck ... if they really like you its possible they come around.
I'd say consider your safety when doing it .. one option might be over skype for example...
or as you said in a public place.
many *hugs*
I find it much easier (and safer) to drop the T Bomb before I meet in public. Avoids unpleasant scenes and prevents accusations of catfishing, deception or worse. If they're a decent person they'll meet up regardless.
Quote from: Laura_7 on February 25, 2016, 04:19:18 PM
There are quite a few people who don't tell right from the start because they want a chance to be seen as who they are as a person.
Yeah but that's making the assumption that every person you tell is only going to see you as 'trans' and nothing else. If you find people like that, they aren't worth your time anyway. There are plenty of people out there that aren't going to care one way or another, and others who can look past it easily and see you as a person first and foremost. How about giving cis people
some credit here?? Unless you have extensive dating experience to back up your assumptions, then that's all they are. I'm not particularly fond of the mindset that we have to deceive people to be accepted or treated as people. And I know it's not deceiving people, but when you have that kind of mindset then you're treating it that way. Also, if you're going to tell them at all, why wait? If it's a deal-breaker for them, which they could have stated earlier on, then you've wasted your time and theirs. I just don't get that. I think it is in fact deceptive if you assume they might not be okay with it and purposely neglect to tell them to try to emotionally manipulate them into liking you. I'm sorry but that's what's going on. Again, my opinion. I'm sure some ladies around here are going to chime in saying that it's worked for them, but I don't see that as evidence for setting a precedent.
Quote from: Ms Grace on February 25, 2016, 04:27:26 PM
I find it much easier (and safer) to drop the T Bomb before I meet in public. Avoids unpleasant scenes and prevents accusations of catfishing, deception or worse. If they're a decent person they'll meet up regardless.
Imagine you are a person who has never heard of transgender people.
Well it might be easier you hear of it from a person you come to know a bit already...
if its a stranger imo people are a bit more likely to move on.
Well I personally would not compare it to a bomb.
It simply is.
Its nobodys fault and I personally would not connect it with a device designed to do damage.
Some poeple are even proud of it because they have a better understanding of what male and female means.
And we are rare ... like unicorns.
*hugs*
Quote from: Dena on February 25, 2016, 04:02:12 PM
I may be the last one to ask because I have zero experience dating but it depends on how comfortable you are with others knowing your past. As long as your relationship isn't serious and it confined to getting to know each other, it shouldn't be important that he knows your history. My opinion is if the relationship is reaching the point where someone could be hurt when the truth comes out, it's time to put your cards on the table.
I know you are still pre surgical but some girls have remained stealth all the way through a marriage. They were comfortable doing something like that but personally, I would not be. What every you decide, it's not my place to judge you. Ask your self the same question. How long would you want somebody to withhold something like that from you.
Dena,
Thanks again for another insightful response. To answer your question, let's say for instance I were actually born a female, a cis straight female, and I met this charming guy who really likes me a lot and who i really like a lot, except that he was actually born a girl and became a man through surgery and hormones.
Being trans myself, i can completely understand wanting to be accepted and treated as your preferred gender however at the same time I would want him to feel the confidence to tell me that about him because at the end of the day, what's ANY relationship if you're going to keep secrets? Let alone something as big as being born one gender and having transitioned to the other.
And to everyone else who replied, i was never going to not tell him so that's not the issue. I just felt like meeting in person for the first time is a good time for me to let him know.
That's why for my safety I'm meeting him in a well-populated venue, like a shopping mall.
Well each situation and each person is different. When it comes to potential intimate relationships the whole issue of when and how we out ourselves is particularly fraught. Some straight cis men in particular, no matter how lovely they may be online or in texts or chats, can take varying degrees of umbrage when they find out the person they've been courting is "not" what they believe to be a "real" woman. I don't say that to frighten or deter you, and it is great that you are taking the right steps for your safety to arrange this in public, but please be careful. :)
personally , for myself I would text him say that I was trans and if it made a difference. It's definitely something I dealt with beforehand .
of course if you were post op I for myself wouldn't feel it as urgent to say anything, but I'd rather a partner know early.
Hi, my advice is to tell him before you even arrange to meet him. What if you spend all the time and effort getting ready, and being really anxious from the time you arrange to meet him, to the actual meeting, which you will do. Why put yourself through that. Tell him before you arrange to meet him, that's the straight up, honest and correct way to do it. Absolutely no doubt. Not telling him is deceitful, and will put you in a terrible light with him immediately.
Quote from: firestarter on February 25, 2016, 05:15:13 PM
Hi, my advice is to tell him before you even arrange to meet him. What if you spend all the time and effort getting ready, and being really anxious from the time you arrange to meet him, to the actual meeting, which you will do. Why put yourself through that. Tell him before you arrange to meet him, that's the straight up, honest and correct way to do it. Absolutely no doubt. Not telling him is deceitful, and will put you in a terrible light with him immediately.
Well imo its their personal judgement when to tell.
Imo if they feel they rather tell in person its their decision, and their intuitive insight.
*hugs*
Ok. Just told him. At the time I posted this, I am extremely anxiously awaiting his reaction!
Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on February 25, 2016, 06:07:01 PM
Ok. Just told him. At the time I posted this, I am extremely anxiously awaiting his reaction!
Sending good thoughts your way.
*hugs*
Update:
I told him on the site we met up in because it's too much for a text. He replied back to my pm but i'm scared to read it. His texts are slower than before i told him. But he and i are still casually talking. He did say before the big reveal that he is boxing at the gym.
Quote from: Ashey on February 25, 2016, 04:46:21 PM
Yeah but that's making the assumption that every person you tell is only going to see you as 'trans' and nothing else. If you find people like that, they aren't worth your time anyway. There are plenty of people out there that aren't going to care one way or another, and others who can look past it easily and see you as a person first and foremost. How about giving cis people some credit here?? Unless you have extensive dating experience to back up your assumptions, then that's all they are. I'm not particularly fond of the mindset that we have to deceive people to be accepted or treated as people. And I know it's not deceiving people, but when you have that kind of mindset then you're treating it that way. Also, if you're going to tell them at all, why wait? If it's a deal-breaker for them, which they could have stated earlier on, then you've wasted your time and theirs. I just don't get that. I think it is in fact deceptive if you assume they might not be okay with it and purposely neglect to tell them to try to emotionally manipulate them into liking you. I'm sorry but that's what's going on. Again, my opinion. I'm sure some ladies around here are going to chime in saying that it's worked for them, but I don't see that as evidence for setting a precedent.
Sound advice ^^^
Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on February 25, 2016, 06:38:49 PM
Update:
I told him on the site we met up in because it's too much for a text. He replied back to my pm but i'm scared to read it. His texts are slower than before i told him. But he and i are still casually talking. He did say before the big reveal that he is boxing at the gym.
*hugs*
Well if you grab a cup of tea... calm down ... and try to read it ?
*hugs*
The hardest thing we have to do in our lives is to prove we are "worthy" of human love before we drop the bomb. And that is quite an order. I think the best way to do that is to get involved in group activities. Lots of people get to know you before you need tell them. I know this doesn't affect this specific problem but it might help down the road.
It's an idea.
I have dated many men sexually since I transitioned to full-time womanhood a year ago. I tell each man within the first 5 minutes of online conversation that I am trans if they don't already know that. Most continue talking to me when they learn that but a few dont. So what. Doesnt waste my time or feelings or theirs.
These female HRT hormones have made me feel super attracted to MEN. Cannot seem to get enough of what they -- um -- "have." < giggles > And they want me -- so go with the fun!
They come to me online. When I want to see about other possible men, I just accept more pending friend requests on whatever site I am on. Just be upfront with these guys -- it is only fair. I don't have to chase them at all -- they chase me. It sure is great being the girl I am. :)
I recommend you almost immediately tell them you are trans -- avoids a lot of problems and time-wasting for both you and your potential date. :)
i persionaly would feel wrong if i didnt tell a guy before meeting up with them
If you don't tell him before meeting this could be a situation where you get groped and then when found out harassed because you weren't what he expected.
Ask him first what he thinks about trans women and if he would date one.
How deep is this relationship? Do you have shared interests? Is it only based on looks?
UPDATE:
It's kind of interesting because when our online affiliation had began, we had exchanged numbers (already covered earlier in this thread) and he and i started texting back and forth, but it started to bother me that he was texting me every five seconds because it was a bit more than what I bargained for. He did call me once and we spoke briefly until I closed it up because it was getting kind of late.
Some time that night, is when i told him i was trans but he said it was okay because i had a nice body or whatever. But gradually his texts to me got slower and slower and that started to bother me only because i kind of looked forward to meeting this guy in person and now that doesn't seem too likely.
I don't think (or it might) it has anything to do with me being trans because i did tell him i was trans and after that he continued to keep talking to me. On the website where we met, he claims he lost my number. I did call him so he could have my number again and I did tell him i was going to be in the downtown area on Thursday (which happens to be tomorrow) since i have to go to the doctors for my bi-weekly estrogen injection anyway and if he wanted to meet me face-to-face that was his chance. He was like "oh, yeah, we'll figure something out, don't worry, blah blah blah" and that was that.
He only sent me like... two texts yesterday, spanning only an hour's timespan. Mind you, my phone voice does sound kind of fake... something like a guy putting on a phony female voice but if you were to speak to me in person, my feminine voice sounds fine, just not over the phone. But like I already said like a dozen already he does know I'm trans! He never said anything to me about being trans in the texts but I just told him via a pm on the site and he said he was okay with it and that was that.
I'm at that point where i'm ready to delete his number but I'm only keeping it so then that way if he calls or texts i'll know to ignore if and when he does!
So... there you have it. A man who meets a woman over the internet who live relatively near each other but slowly loses interest in that woman once he learns she's trans. :(
It's happened to me a bunch of times, even after meeting or even having a successful date. I'm not convinced being trans is the cause. I actually think it's more them than me. Guys are frustrating. -_-
Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on March 02, 2016, 09:22:55 AM
So... there you have it. A man who meets a woman over the internet who live relatively near each other but slowly loses interest in that woman once he learns she's trans. :(
Not necessarily.
Sometimes if it starts with that many mails in the beginning it fizzles out.
You might send him a mail really talking to him:
you like him (not promising too much with this...)
and that you noticed he withdrew a bit.
You'd like to know why ... what is the reason ?
Is it your being trans ?
And you might ask him to speak openly ... so you could really talk about what it is ...
if you keep the mail in an agreeable tone (not like omg I'm going to freak out) then he might answer truthfully...
maybe he needs a bit of nudging, a second question...
but if done this way there are no second thoughs later like what did he really think ... etc...
and it might -just might - be something that brings you closer together if you talk really openly about it.
If not..
other mothers also have nice and handsome sons :)
*hugs*
I'm proud of you for sharing your truth with him. That was very brave and honest, and I think that speaks volumes about how special you are.
Just remember, no matter what happens, you are a miracle and every part of you is beautiful.
If you speak to him again, I would encourage him to ask questions about your transition. If he has never been interested in a trans woman before, learning more about you may help him feel more comfortable about experiencing something new.
If he doesn't or can't accept you for being trans, you dodged a bullet in my opinion because you would have been stuck with a real idiot, and having an idiot for a partner would have been pretty lousy.
You have all my support, and I hope everything turns out well for you!
Let me just say that I've met hundreds and hundreds of people in person in straight places, gay places, whatever places. I've met people who were totally cool with me being trans and others who just stopped communicating with me when they found out. The latter were few but still existed. The ones who continued talking to me could be broken into two groups. The first is the fetishist. This group knows your trans or knew you were or suspected you were trans already and were just waiting for you to say something. They will stick with you because you're just another interesting and unusual experience to them. I would avoid these types of people at all costs. You are much more than someone's fetish fantasy. The second group will be amazed because they don't know what the hell trans is. They will ask you all sorts of questions, to the point that it might even become so ->-bleeped-<-ing strange to continue having a relationship of any sort with them. Being trans does not define who I am. My hobbies, interests, and other things I do make up who I am, but they will continue to ask because they are curious and want to know more. This is human nature. Sometimes it's cool to respond and help people learn, but sometimes it's annoying.
I would be very careful with anyone you meet on a dating site or forum because some of those people are totally insane. It's better to meet someone in a public place with other people around you who might be able to help you in case you get in trouble. I remember all the times I went out with guys who didn't know and I always had one hand on the handle of my door just in case he'd throw a punch and I had to get out of his car quickly.
What will work in your favor is if you actually look absolutely convincing. This will help ease the tension quite a bit because in some of these people's minds, they will reason that if you looked a certain way, then God must've intended you to be that way. However, if they think you look like a man in a disguise, they will unfortunately treat you like one. Behavior is also important. If you act absolutely convincing, that is better than acting like a masculine truck driver.
One bit of advice I will give you is to totally make eye contact. Read the guy's face and look for any signs of danger. If you act all meek and look down all the time or look away, you will never be able to gauge the guy's intentions and before you know it, he'll get you in an uncomfortable situation and something bad might happen. Always keep an eye out for danger and be ready to flee in case the situation looks bad.
Yes, you can tell him everything up front and hope for the best, but some people will just bypass you without giving you a chance to know you. There are people who might think marginally like creeps but that's only because they've been conditioned to do so by bad "friends." Some of those people eventually grow up and take responsibility for their own actions and outgrow their bad friends.
Quote from: GeekGirl on March 03, 2016, 01:57:51 PM
What will work in your favor is if you actually look absolutely convincing. This will help ease the tension quite a bit because in some of these people's minds, they will reason that if you looked a certain way, then God must've intended you to be that way. However, if they think you look like a man in a disguise, they will unfortunately treat you like one. Behavior is also important. If you act absolutely convincing, that is better than acting like a masculine truck driver.
Unfortunately, this is a big thing. Possibly the biggest thing. You can cite scientific studies, philosophy, spirituality, etc. to people until you're blue in the face, but people make their first judgments based on appearance. I think society can accept a trans person if they absolutely look and fit the gender they present as. But when you deviate from that, that's when people start hatin'. This goes for cis people too.
Quote from: Ashey on March 03, 2016, 03:51:24 PM
Unfortunately, this is a big thing. Possibly the biggest thing. You can cite scientific studies, philosophy, spirituality, etc. to people until you're blue in the face, but people make their first judgments based on appearance. I think society can accept a trans person if they absolutely look and fit the gender they present as. But when you deviate from that, that's when people start hatin'. This goes for cis people too.
Exactly. I have seen so many genetic women get verbally and physically abused by strangers, coworkers, etc. that it's a serious problem. It's quite easy to see that the media is at fault, always trying to promote "the perfect body or face" to dolts and Dilberts sitting on couches. I have seen once beautiful women get trashed by people just because they're now old. That's totally unfair. Instead of looking at the totality of a person's life and her accomplishments, her current worth is simply centered on how she looks now.
Quote from: GeekGirl on March 04, 2016, 07:32:58 AM
Exactly. I have seen so many genetic women get verbally and physically abused by strangers, coworkers, etc. that it's a serious problem. It's quite easy to see that the media is at fault, always trying to promote "the perfect body or face" to dolts and Dilberts sitting on couches. I have seen once beautiful women get trashed by people just because they're now old. That's totally unfair. Instead of looking at the totality of a person's life and her accomplishments, her current worth is simply centered on how she looks now.
Well imo its all interconnected...
if you have a healthy lifestyle, healthy food and enough relaxation it should show too ... imo ...
*hugs*
(Don't read this with a mad or hateful tone, I'm just stressing the importance) That's not something you keep a secret. At all. ESPECIALLY with a guy! You don't know how bad that is trust me. Tell him ASAP. I would say something like "did I tell u I was trans??" Or something, don't make it dramatic AT ALL, be as casual as you can. I'm serious, you don't know how important it is for them to know in the dating world, even if it shouldn't be a big deal or not, IT IS
Please understand this importance~
It is absolutely over between me and him, and you know what? I'm just fine with that.
Am i really fine with it? To be honest, i'm still a little disappointed that wage never even gave me a chance. He never called or texted me asking me if i still wanted to meet him in Philadelphia somewhere, and i'm not going to initiate a phone conversation with him of any sort. But i still looked forward to being with him. He was what i looked forward to in a dating partner.
He's white, of Italian decent, i'm black. He is 29 or 30, i'm 25.
I don't care so much about a guy being any race in particular but it was just that i like the idea of me, a black woman dating a white man, even a black transgender woman dating a white cis straight man. Also, regardless of race or color, i like older men and would prefer them.
Mind you, i'm not yet into the surgical phase of my transition. I'm on my hormones and undergoing laser and electrolysis but i'm still a pre-op trans woman. Even though a part of me is still attracted to women i'm starting to get to the point where i fantasize about men a lot, men being intimate and sexual with me as a woman.
But to drive home my point if this man can't deal with me being trans, i don't need him because i deserve better and so i don't wanna deal with guys like that (what trans woman does anyway?), and there are trans-attracted men who won't see me as some sexual fantasy, who will past me being transgender and see me as just a woman and actually treat me as such.
That's all i'm saying.
Edit:
Quote from: GarryLynn on March 04, 2016, 09:51:43 AM
(Don't read this with a mad or hateful tone, I'm just stressing the importance) That's not something you keep a secret. At all. ESPECIALLY with a guy! You don't know how bad that is trust me. Tell him ASAP. I would say something like "did I tell u I was trans??" Or something, don't make it dramatic AT ALL, be as casual as you can. I'm serious, you don't know how important it is for them to know in the dating world, even if it shouldn't be a big deal or not, IT IS
Please understand this importance~
I know! You're always supposed to tell guys you're trans for two reasons; 1: it's never a good or safe idea to trick straight guys into thinking you're a cis woman because he may only want to be with what most of the cis community consider a "real woman", who was actually assigned female at birth and just think how he would feel if months into the relationship he finds you out? 2: being born one gender and transitioning to the other is something that's a little important to not tell your significant other and if you feel like you have to keep something like that from a guy for him to keep you it most likely wasn't meant to be.
I don't wanna be that girl who ends up being killed just because she didn't let her boyfriend know about her being transgender ahead of time.
Quote from: GeekGirl on March 03, 2016, 01:57:51 PM
One bit of advice I will give you is to totally make eye contact. Read the guy's face and look for any signs of danger. If you act all meek and look down all the time or look away, you will never be able to gauge the guy's intentions and before you know it, he'll get you in an uncomfortable situation and something bad might happen. Always keep an eye out for danger and be ready to flee in case the situation looks bad.
It's funny you should say that. I'm a real girly girl and i am that girl who is quiet, shy, and timid, and i tend to be quite submissive and i'm not a fighter at all. I mean, if i need to i will but if there's a safe exit i'm taking it.
I always tell a guy after we have texted for a bit and/or are in the process of arranging a meeting. I feel that it first allows us to have a brief connection so it's not like telling a total stranger. I have also just told guys from the very first message but most of the time they stop responding of express their lack of interest. It helps for them to get to know you first a little bit. But I never wait to tell them for their sake and more importantly mine.
I think you handled this very well.
As in any relationship, we can't control what others do.
And sometimes these online things fizzle out quickly regardless of the situation.
Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on February 25, 2016, 12:48:44 PM
I'm in kind of deep.
So I met this guy online. He doesn't know i'm trans at all.
On the website where we met, he'd been messaging me frequently and we kind of went from there. He does live relatively near me. He seems like a really nice guy.
I do look a little different than I do in the pictures, not drastically though. But I'm still feeling nervous about telling him I'm trans and seeing I look different in the pictures.
We did exchange numbers and we would text since last night. He called me last night too and we briefly spoke. Today he's frequently texting me again.
I wanted to meet him in person, like at a mall or something well populated. That's when if ever I'll tell him I'm transgender.
What do you guys think of this situation.
I never tell guys I am trans, very rarely if I know they're not judgemental and whatnot. We are trying to be women here in every possible way, not just mentally, I find it pointless (my personal opinion) to tell someone you're trans if you want to be perceived like a real woman, unless you're absolutely not passable.
It's a personal choice, you can or cannot tell him, it is completely up to you.
Note: In my own personal experience, trans people are seen as a fetish for most guys that do want us, a "macho" straight male wont even get anywhere near us if they know; so my best bet is to try and date bi or bi-curious males, those seem to tolerate being different better.
Quote from: AnnaiyahStarr on March 04, 2016, 04:44:26 PM
It is absolutely over between me and him, and you know what? I'm just fine with that.
Am i really fine with it? To be honest, i'm still a little disappointed that wage never even gave me a chance. He never called or texted me asking me if i still wanted to meet him in Philadelphia somewhere, and i'm not going to initiate a phone conversation with him of any sort. But i still looked forward to being with him. He was what i looked forward to in a dating partner.
I'm glad to hear you're over because before I read this I was going to say something to the effect that the remark about your body sounds like he was only interested in your body and I didn't know if that's what you wanted or not. This situation sounded creepy to me. Being a female you have to be especially careful and protect your femininity. I don't mean to condescend. You made a good decision by leaving him.
Bless you.
Quote from: Sapphyra on May 01, 2016, 06:25:59 AM
Note: In my own personal experience, trans people are seen as a fetish for most guys that do want us, a "macho" straight male wont even get anywhere near us if they know; so my best bet is to try and date bi or bi-curious males, those seem to tolerate being different better.
This is very true that you may be fetishized. You may not know it,forgive me if you do, but you're lucky that a macho straight man won't want you because they are as a rule very abusive and controlling. Not always, but mostly. Many of them think they have the right to pull you around by your hair.
Aww *hug* sad to read it derailed, a lot of people can't look past the trans part but you can't really blame them though..
It'll scare many away, accepting the fact you're trans is often hard on yourself, so some macho guy won't really be openminded about it,
even when your personality matches. Not worth to grief over, just a new experience to learn from.
So here's something cool. I met this guy on a dating site last year and he didn't know I was trans until I revealed it to him on our third date. He was completely surprised, but it didn't phase him. His response? He was even more fascinated with me, not in a freaky, fetishy way, but in a "you must have gone through a lot" way. The reason why I told him was he was telling me about his best friend who was transitioning to be a woman and how her appearance was not quite right yet. After dinner and drinks, he drove me close to my home and I had one hand on the door handle ready to bolt out of his car in case he wanted to kill me (he was a sweet guy but a black belt in Tae Kwan Do).
"Well, wait, did you know I'm like that?" I said in response to his story about his friend.
"Like what?" he said.
"I'm like that. I'm trans," I said.
(pause)
"You are?!" he said.
"Yeah," I said, clasping onto the door handle more securely.
"Well, if you are, you're the best looking one I've seen!" he said.
And it was all good stuff from that point on. We're friends, we go out as friends, and we chat and text each other and there's no freaky ->-bleeped-<- like guys who are ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<-s do. He wished we could be more than just friends, but I told him I can't, that I'm in a committed relationship (my partner is trans, too), and he's respected that boundary ever since I told him. (I met him when my partner and I were not together.) Every time I see him, we talk about IT consulting, food, and martial arts. I think that if I didn't look the way I do, I would never have been able to meet him or other guys in the first place. I'm careful who I reveal my background to because Philly has lots of stories of trans people getting hurt or murdered (of course, these people are usually in a different situation than I'm in, but still). So this is one example of how a girl can be lucky meeting the right kind of person.
Quote from: GeekGirl on May 03, 2016, 01:50:12 PM
So here's something cool. I met this guy on a dating site last year and he didn't know I was trans until I revealed it to him on our third date. He was completely surprised, but it didn't phase him. His response? He was even more fascinated with me, not in a freaky, fetishy way, but in a "you must have gone through a lot" way. The reason why I told him was he was telling me about his best friend who was transitioning to be a woman and how her appearance was not quite right yet. After dinner and drinks, he drove me close to my home and I had one hand on the door handle ready to bolt out of his car in case he wanted to kill me (he was a sweet guy but a black belt in Tae Kwan Do).
"Well, wait, did you know I'm like that?" I said in response to his story about his friend.
"Like what?" he said.
"I'm like that. I'm trans," I said.
(pause)
"You are?!" he said.
"Yeah," I said, clasping onto the door handle more securely.
"Well, if you are, you're the best looking one I've seen!" he said.
And it was all good stuff from that point on. We're friends, we go out as friends, and we chat and text each other and there's no freaky ->-bleeped-<- like guys who are ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<-s do. He wished we could be more than just friends, but I told him I can't, that I'm in a committed relationship (my partner is trans, too), and he's respected that boundary ever since I told him. (I met him when my partner and I were not together.) Every time I see him, we talk about IT consulting, food, and martial arts. I think that if I didn't look the way I do, I would never have been able to meet him or other guys in the first place. I'm careful who I reveal my background to because Philly has lots of stories of trans people getting hurt or murdered (of course, these people are usually in a different situation than I'm in, but still). So this is one example of how a girl can be lucky meeting the right kind of person.
Do you live in Philadelphia as well? It's strange because you're right that Philadelphia has a track record of trans people getting hurt and/or killed (Keisha Jenkins comes to mind) when all this time, I was lead to believe that Philadelphia was an LGBT friendly city.
Also, I'm not quite clear: the man you told you were trans... you could not enter a relationship with him because you were already involved with someone whom you were otherwise not involved with at the time you met the Tae Kwan Do guy?
Quote from: tsroxy on May 01, 2016, 08:14:47 AM
Aww *hug* sad to read it derailed, a lot of people can't look past the trans part but you can't really blame them though..
It'll scare many away, accepting the fact you're trans is often hard on yourself, so some macho guy won't really be openminded about it,
even when your personality matches. Not worth to grief over, just a new experience to learn from.
I can relate because a cis straight man can be very protective about his sexuality. A transgender woman can be the most beautiful, sexist woman in the world but the fact that she was born a male will be quite enough to drive that cis straight man away because he doesn't want to be romantically and/or sexually involved with someone who was born biologically male because he doesn't want to have to worry about questioning his sexuality or wonder to himself if he's gay for liking her despite her outwardly female appearance.
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on May 01, 2016, 06:37:36 AM
I'm glad to hear you're over because before I read this I was going to say something to the effect that the remark about your body sounds like he was only interested in your body and I didn't know if that's what you wanted or not. This situation sounded creepy to me. Being a female you have to be especially careful and protect your femininity. I don't mean to condescend. You made a good decision by leaving him.
Bless you.
To be fair, I didn't leave him. He actively decided to stop talking to me and opted not to meet up with me. I just chose to stop responding back to him and move on because since he doesn't accept me, I
wanted to leave him.
Also, I'm not entirely sure i follow what you were saying in what I boldfaced. What I meant in the post you responded to was that even though I'm still a pre-op trans girl, and still like other women, I'm starting to become more attracted to men as I fantasize about men being sexual with me.