I'm 27, MtF, and currently not in transition. I've tried to come out twice and last time nearly destroyed almost every meaningful relationship I have, including that with my current fiancé. I ended up taking it all back and blaming it on mental health issues, which I realize in hindsight was irresponsible and wrong but I couldn't help it. Losing him and dealing with my mother's disappointment was like the living death penalty for me. I'm currently engaged to a gay man (while presenting as male myself) but I now realize I may never stop feeling what I feel deep down. I am a woman in my heart, always have been, and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate living a lie. I've even been to therapy and almost got a letter in support of starting HRT. The one major roadblock is losing my fiancé, he's my rock, he's my best friend, and my lover. Financially he's also a major source of support. Has anyone been in a similar situation and dealt with it successfully? Please I could use any and all advice...I'm so lost and really have no idea what to do.
I think everyone of us faces that real or imagined. That is why it's so difficult for us to come out and start our transition. In my case, I knew at age 13 but waited until I was 23 because there was no medical system in place to handle me and I had the fear of what my family would do when they knew the truth. When I came out, I fully expected to find myself on the street on my own. It didn't work out that way and while I didn't have full support, my family was with me and never left my side.
What will happen to you, I can't say. I know you will continue to feel what you feel and and some point you will have to face it. You should prepare for the worst by trying to become self supporting and hope for the best. As far as your relationship, the sooner you can be honest with your feelings, the better chance it has of surviving but there are no guarantees that it will survive.
I'm in somewhat same situation. I am married since 16 years ago. We have soon been a couple for 19 years.
We have been through better or worse together. But coming out as a man...I don't think our relationship will manage that. We have talked about gay rights and he says he is not gay but gay people can be gay, as long as they leave him alone.
I pretty much look like a guy today. He loves me very much he says. But how do I tell him I am the same person even as a man. I don't change. I am me not a stranger.
Well, I postponed having a real relationship with anybody until my 42nd birthday(yes, flings here and there, but never intended to stick around), due to feeling inadequate as a man and presenting as a guy, even though I did all the guy things, military, college, vocational schooling in macho trades, nothing helped. I ended up having a relationship with a female, who up to now, supports me and my transition. We mostly bond emotionally my girlfriend and I, due to a brutal schedule, grad school/work full time, but still we're together. I believe my girlfriend will stay with me because I'm her rock, she has told me before, and I totally appreciate her for that and she my rock. I just hope our relationship can tolerate my transitioning further in the near future(i.e. 5 years), as I progress on hrt, ffs/bbl/liposuction and eventually srs.
We all hope to be fully embraced by our loved ones, for what we will become, our new gender and see more our heart, loyalty and love we have for our partners, then our outer shell, we feel we must become.
The fear of losing family, friends and partners by coming out is I believe what keeps most people from daring to come forward. These are the people we love and rely on every day, so its not surprising that we've all felt such terror when we think about revealing ourselves!
I often browse this forum with a lump in my throat reading about the awful things that people have been through, and are going through right now, in order to become the one they needed to be. I have not spoken to my mom in 9 years, not to any member of her side of the family for 7 years.. But I was so fortunate to have an incredibly supportive dad, and his side of the family have been unwavering in their love and support. It's hard to predict how people will react but when you feel what you do -what I and the others here do- you just know this is something you have to face! You need to start your journey, and hope that the people your care about will come to understand why it has to happen.
They should know that you are still you and will remain the person they love on the inside, even if your appearance becomes new and different. I should hope they value the happier and more well adjusted woman you will become, and know that you understand you ask for a lot of understanding and patience. I think a long and difficult talk is looming for your fiance and you, but it is one that needs to be had. Try to be patient and understanding of any resistance he offers, and try to make him understand how much it pains you to go on without setting things right within yourself.
Whatever may happen, best of luck on your journey and always return here for any support you may need <3.
I feel your struggle. The good folks here know how long it took me to come out to my wife: months. My fear was the same: that she would leave me.
Eventually I realized that what I was feeling would never go away, and that I could not bear the thought of going into old age still pretending to be a guy, and never getting to meet the real me. I eventually realized that splitting up, painful as it would be, both emotionally and financially, was not the worst thing that could happen. Not being myself would be much worse.
I was lucky: my wife is staying with me and is my biggest supporter. I realize that not all are as fortunate. My thought was then, and still is now, that it was a risk I had to take to be true to myself.
It takes time to get yourself mentally ready, but sooner or later, you are going to have to tell him. You can do it.
Having come out and started HRT during a relationship of 10 years it is an unknown road without streetlights I'm walking now. I didn't lose my best friend in him, or the support, so maybe you'll find that to be the case as well. But I don't know if I'll be able to call it a relationship for much longer - the closer I get to being the way I want, the further it will be from what he wants and eventually there will be no attraction from his POV.
This is not easy to deal with, the more invested you are in someone or something the harder it is to let go. If you do let go it may be the end of that world you live in. But there are countless other ones out there waiting I guess. And you never know, it may have a better outcome than you expect. It's the assumption it can't work out at all without ever trying it (both parties can be guilty of this) that ruins a perfectly good relationship for a lot of people I guess
Thanks for all the feedback, you all hit on the points I was feeling. I suppose it is so hard precisely because I've become so invested in him. We are engaged to be married, and yes it's basically the same as what Kylo said, the longer we're together the less attraction there would be for him. He's a gay man, and seeing me as me I don't think he could ever see me as a romantic partner after that. It's also my deep fear of leaving the world I live in, not just him but the home we live in, the friends we share, the pets would have to be divided between us. Plus there's the financial side of it, with him being the main bread winner it's very difficult for me to imagine managing the costs of transition. I suppose on some level I know things will have to come to a head eventually, but its just overwhelming trying to figure it all out.
There is a possibility that the is Bi sexual. He may favor gay relationships but he still could find you desirable if you transition. The only way you will know is with a serious discussion, possibly with a couples consoler. For the moment, don't try to figure the whole thing out and just work on a few problems at a time. It's easy to get overwhelm with the complexity of this because you want all the answers now.
It seems to me your fear today is different from that of many others. You already know the negative reaction from others in your life. A reaction that your fear back then perhaps fed by the lifelong feelings of shame and guilt over being trans, led to you "walking things back". "It's a phase", My meds, whatever. Pretend it never happened OK?
Except I doubt they put it out of their heads. Their thoughts and feeling have had to simmer. Just as your attempts to suppress the feelings had some time to work and now not work so well. After some 50 years of various ways of NOT dealing with being trans, I reached the point of needing to take the Trans-Beast on for real. I had some idea what my wife would think/do. She knew of my gender issues from about day 1. Just the same as I hoped, to her I was "Just a CD". A very part time one at that when I badly needed that escape from maleness. This was whole new level.... about 3 floors up with her having deep fears of me wanting to go to the penthouse.
The answer lies in answering one simple question: "Which Pain is Worse?"
I relied on the 3D's of Diversions, Distractions, and a little Denial for decades. It kind of sort of worked. Provided you don't factor in how I slowly turned into a lifeless soulless thing whose sole purpose in life was to do "What was Expected". I was a machine with no hopes, wishes, or dreams. Bar one given up long long ago after my second failed transition experiment.
Eventually the pain got to be too bad
It can seem overwhelming when you look at the whole taco. It's just too big to eat. It's like a mega Taco Grande. Even bigger than Trump's wall. Luckily you don't have to eat it all at once. Small bites. Put in back in the refrigerator until you get hungry again. Admitting it to yourself is the big one tho. I think. At least is was for me. After that it all fell into place. But then I spent 57 years convincing myself that I could take my "secret" to the grave. Please don't follow my example.
If you are thinking of marrying this man and holding back this information I strongly advise against it. Shakespeare once said, "let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments." Nowhere in the project of western literature will you find where he is attributed to have said, "let me not to the marriage of two minds where one mind is holding back a really, really big secret admit impediments." You just won't. If you want a preview of what that future looks like down that path look no further than some of the more frequent threads here as Susans dot org. Here's the most recent sample:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,219701.20/topicseen.html
Also, consider this. You don't know for sure he will reject you, altho that is certainly a possibility that you should be prepared for. He could surprise you and be supportive. You are letting your mind create all kind of future scenarios that are just that. Future scenarios. Fantasy. Not reality. You just never know until you come out. I know coming out of the closet AGAIN. Sucks doesn't it. As someone who came out as openly gay in 92' I can certainly relate. Turns out tho I walked out of one closet only to walk right into another. Life can be funny that way.
I have waited 30 years. I thought I could manage to keep it a secret. But I feel uneasy and I have a man inside of me that wants to be seen. We have been a couple for 19 years. Married for 16.
See a therapist and sort things out. I wish I would have 10 years ago when I had a name for this.
It is more and more painful every year to not be allowed to be yourself.
Quote from: JoanneB on February 09, 2017, 06:22:50 AM
It seems to me your fear today is different from that of many others. You already know the negative reaction from others in your life. A reaction that your fear back then perhaps fed by the lifelong feelings of shame and guilt over being trans, led to you "walking things back". "It's a phase", My meds, whatever. Pretend it never happened OK?
Except I doubt they put it out of their heads. Their thoughts and feeling have had to simmer. Just as your attempts to suppress the feelings had some time to work and now not work so well.
The answer lies in answering one simple question: "Which Pain is Worse?"
Well basically you summed it up perfectly, this is exactly what's happened. I know on some level he is insecure about it and I think honestly he deep down may already know that I talked my way out of it and didn't deal with the reality. Another part of my struggle with this where my fiancé is concerned is that my finances are deeply tied up with his and it's going to take some time to sort that part of it out before I discuss any of this with him. If I flat out told him I'm considering transition again he may be angry and feel I strung him along and I may be asked to leave the house quickly. And don't get me wrong I could understand if he were to feel that way but in no way ever was that my intention. I'm just going to have to work it out in therapy because really at this point I don't know which pain is worse. On one hand my life up to now has been incredibly difficult, I have hidden, deflected, and outright lied about who I feel I am deep down. I have been abused in so many different ways, suffered severe mental breakdowns multiple times in my life, and I guess now at this point it seems like I finally have managed to carve out some small happiness even if it is based on a lie (being a gay man). On the other hand I know that my being trans has contributed in no small part to the severity of the mental issues, and indirectly some of the abuse I've experienced as well, and it has caused me just a great deal of anguish overall. I suppose part of my hesitation is that, in my 27 years, time after time in so many ways the bottom has always dropped out no matter the situation so I am not confident at all that there is any sort of happiness or stability waiting for me on the other side of transitioning. I'm just deeply afraid of destroying what little happiness I've created for myself if all that I will get in return is more misery.
Quote from: ColoTex2890 on February 10, 2017, 10:50:18 AM
Well basically you summed it up perfectly, this is exactly what's happened. I know on some level he is insecure about it and I think honestly he deep down may already know that I talked my way out of it and didn't deal with the reality. Another part of my struggle with this where my fiancé is concerned is that my finances are deeply tied up with his and it's going to take some time to sort that part of it out before I discuss any of this with him. If I flat out told him I'm considering transition again he may be angry and feel I strung him along and I may be asked to leave the house quickly. And don't get me wrong I could understand if he were to feel that way but in no way ever was that my intention. I'm just going to have to work it out in therapy because really at this point I don't know which pain is worse. On one hand my life up to now has been incredibly difficult, I have hidden, deflected, and outright lied about who I feel I am deep down. I have been abused in so many different ways, suffered severe mental breakdowns multiple times in my life, and I guess now at this point it seems like I finally have managed to carve out some small happiness even if it is based on a lie (being a gay man). On the other hand I know that my being trans has contributed in no small part to the severity of the mental issues, and indirectly some of the abuse I've experienced as well, and it has caused me just a great deal of anguish overall. I suppose part of my hesitation is that, in my 27 years, time after time in so many ways the bottom has always dropped out no matter the situation so I am not confident at all that there is any sort of happiness or stability waiting for me on the other side of transitioning. I'm just deeply afraid of destroying what little happiness I've created for myself if all that I will get in return is more misery.
Eight years ago it became very clear to me that I needed to take on the Trans-Beast, for real. After much "hitting the bottom" introspection, the 40 some odd years of dancing with the beast were the root cause of all my life's total disasters as well as the constant state of depression, feeling like some lifeless, soulless Thing for about the last 20 years. All because of how I was NOT Handling being trans. The 3D's of Diversion, Distractions & Denial work only so well and for so long it seems until you soul is rotted.
You have a 20 years of emotional baggage also corrupting your mind. It is nearly impossible to separate a lifetime of Shame, Guilt, and Internalized Transphobia from the reality of who you are. A you that you have no really good what you are from always living up to others expectations. It took me a lot of hard work between reading a ton of self help books, tossing others to the side after seeing it wasn't speaking to Me. Seeing a therapist helped a little. My best therapy came from my TG Support Group. I was totally floored my first few meetings being in a room filled with others whose life stories and feelings almost mirrored my own. By the end of the 3rd meeting I knew it was almost too late to tell my wife what was up and still stand a chance of saving the relationship.
Hi ColoTex2890,
I'm in a similar situation to yours. I'm living as a gay man, feeling I'm MTF, and haven't told my boyfriend of 2 years that lives with me...It's hard. I went through this already with an ex boyfriend, came out to him, and to my mom, just to face negative reactions from both of them (which I completely understand, they weren't being "bad" it was just something very difficult for them to cope). Those reactions have prevented me from coming out to my current BF and my mom again.
This is how I feel, in a nutshell: You and I have to choose between living our lives as who we really are or staying with the person we are now. I know both things won't go together in my case cuz he's a gay man so he's exclusively attracted to other men. He would never be attracted to me as a woman and I understand that. If your boyfriend is 100% gay then it's very likely your situation will be the same. We just have to accept it and make a decision.
In my case I'm almost sure we will break up at some point and I will continue my journey. The real question is when.
There is another possibility. One where the SO's sexual preference does not really change but that the emphasis on sex and attraction in the relationships is shifted elsewhere. It could shift to children, common business interests, hobbies, just general friendship and many other things.
I always caution about the assumptions about the physicality of love relationships, because lets face it, that all changes over time anyways.
Im so happy my girlfriend stands behind me in every way. In my case she was even a reason i now started on transitioning. But i did tell her in the begining about my feelings, in a time i didnt even thought to do it anymore (thought 27 may be too old). But i think its also a question about sexualit. As a straight man i couldnt imagine staying together with a women transitioning to a man. But I dont think i would leave in anger.
In the end I had to come out to my wife as trans just to save our marriage I had become so depressed so self hating it was destroying the pair of us, I don't know if we will both last the time together but for now its a lot better.
If you are living in Colorado there are a number of support groups that offer SOFFA programs. Significant Others Friends family and allies. They may be helpful in revealing your secret by explaining to your fiance how much pain you are in. I lost a relationship and it was very devastating but I grew from that and I am happy to say my "New" wife and I have been together 31 years. Use the Wiki above to find one in your area. Try Support Groups.
Hi ColoTex2890
Your post sounds like you are going to be miserable unless you can deal with this Trans stuff up front. Does your partner truly want you suffering in silence just to please him? I can't imagine if he loves you that is what he wants, do you know what his fears are and can you talk to him about it again. I don't think he will have put it completely out of his mind and I am sure he will know that you are not happy.
I hope you can work it out
Liz
Quote from: JoanneB on February 11, 2017, 09:26:20 AM
You have a 20 years of emotional baggage also corrupting your mind. It is nearly impossible to separate a lifetime of Shame, Guilt, and Internalized Transphobia from the reality of who you are. A you that you have no really good what you are from always living up to others expectations. It took me a lot of hard work between reading a ton of self help books, tossing others to the side after seeing it wasn't speaking to Me. Seeing a therapist helped a little. My best therapy came from my TG Support Group. I was totally floored my first few meetings being in a room filled with others whose life stories and feelings almost mirrored my own. By the end of the 3rd meeting I knew it was almost too late to tell my wife what was up and still stand a chance of saving the relationship.
This is all very true for me as well. I think my past experiences were so negative with regard to my cross gender behavior that it caused me to deeply repress many things. I have a traumatic past without even bringing the gender issues into it, but when you add that to it it's easy to see how this is all playing out so badly. I feel I've created a disaster for myself by not being more honest and trying to stick more firmly to what I've known to be true. I allowed the opinions of others to decide what I did with my life and what paths I've taken, and that is partly because of other issues stemming from the traumatic childhood I mentioned. There is much to work on before I can comfortably come out and maintain the courage of my convictions.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on April 19, 2017, 01:19:30 PM
Hi ColoTex2890,
I'm in a similar situation to yours. I'm living as a gay man, feeling I'm MTF, and haven't told my boyfriend of 2 years that lives with me...It's hard. I went through this already with an ex boyfriend, came out to him, and to my mom, just to face negative reactions from both of them (which I completely understand, they weren't being "bad" it was just something very difficult for them to cope). Those reactions have prevented me from coming out to my current BF and my mom again.
This is how I feel, in a nutshell: You and I have to choose between living our lives as who we really are or staying with the person we are now. I know both things won't go together in my case cuz he's a gay man so he's exclusively attracted to other men. He would never be attracted to me as a woman and I understand that. If your boyfriend is 100% gay then it's very likely your situation will be the same. We just have to accept it and make a decision.
In my case I'm almost sure we will break up at some point and I will continue my journey. The real question is when.
You are indeed in a very similar situation. I made the mistake of marrying the guy, though I love him more than anything but I don't think I love him more than myself. I don't know if this is true for you, but for me my finances are so deeply entangled with his that it creates an additional obstacle to transitioning. It's not that I can't live without him financially but my lifestyle will be far more modest and transition costs will be much harder to meet. What I'm grappling with at this moment is also just the logistics of making this happen. I'm in school part time so there's a little extra money from that. It's just so hard to face that my world is going to change so completely and that some people are going to be gone from it forever.
The question I've asked my wife is, do you love me because of my gender or who I am? For some, the social indoctrination is very strong and the fear of ostracism is strong too. I think for a lot of us, being an outsider is the norm on some level. We know we are not like the vast majority of people and at some point the desire for authenticity exceeds any fear we have of social ostracism. With relationships with non-blood relatives, it's a choice, so the ties aren't as deep, so priorities of why you're together are different and based on socialization, can lead to a variety of outcomes. I think that situations like this bring to attention the basic problems with the human race. Albert Ellis called it musterbation, which is, I must behave a certain way to be acceptable to others, others must behave a certain way to be acceptable to me and the world must be a certain way to be acceptable to me (or a group). This leads to all sorts of problems.
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Quote from: ColoTex2890 on May 12, 2017, 11:50:09 AM
You are indeed in a very similar situation. I made the mistake of marrying the guy, though I love him more than anything but I don't think I love him more than myself. I don't know if this is true for you, but for me my finances are so deeply entangled with his that it creates an additional obstacle to transitioning. It's not that I can't live without him financially but my lifestyle will be far more modest and transition costs will be much harder to meet. What I'm grappling with at this moment is also just the logistics of making this happen. I'm in school part time so there's a little extra money from that. It's just so hard to face that my world is going to change so completely and that some people are going to be gone from it forever.
Thankfully I don't depend financially on my boyfriend so this wouldn't be a problem for me. But from what you say, it seems like you could be fine without him, you'll just have to cut some expenses.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 15, 2017, 08:57:39 AM
Thankfully I don't depend financially on my boyfriend so this wouldn't be a problem for me. But from what you say, it seems like you could be fine without him, you'll just have to cut some expenses.
I think if I lived extremely frugally I could make it work just barely. I won't lie the emotional pain of losing him will be intense so I think part of me is avoiding all of this just on instinct. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think I have come close to a resolution that in the next few years I will come out and start the process. I have to make sure my ducks are well lined up though because I suspect that once I tell him the urgency to end the marriage and move on will be strong. I wish to god he would stay with me and at least try but I know he won't. I'm also not looking forward to dealing with my family's reaction. My sister is a lesbian and questioned her gender identity at one point so she gets it and is 100% supportive. My parents however...dad is very conservative due to a combination of age and his own particular cultural background, and Mom is fairly liberal but when I came out to her last year she was devastated to the point of it being painful for me. She kept saying she felt like her child was dying. So I've realized that money isn't the major issue here, I think if I save up my money over the next 1.5-2 years I could probably comfortable cover most transition costs. It's the emotional upheaval this will cause that is frightening me so much. Someone told me once to be prepared to lose everything by transitioning and I guess they really weren't kidding.
Quote from: ColoTex2890 on May 18, 2017, 04:32:40 PM
I think if I lived extremely frugally I could make it work just barely. I won't lie the emotional pain of losing him will be intense so I think part of me is avoiding all of this just on instinct. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think I have come close to a resolution that in the next few years I will come out and start the process. I have to make sure my ducks are well lined up though because I suspect that once I tell him the urgency to end the marriage and move on will be strong. I wish to god he would stay with me and at least try but I know he won't. I'm also not looking forward to dealing with my family's reaction. My sister is a lesbian and questioned her gender identity at one point so she gets it and is 100% supportive. My parents however...dad is very conservative due to a combination of age and his own particular cultural background, and Mom is fairly liberal but when I came out to her last year she was devastated to the point of it being painful for me. She kept saying she felt like her child was dying. So I've realized that money isn't the major issue here, I think if I save up my money over the next 1.5-2 years I could probably comfortable cover most transition costs. It's the emotional upheaval this will cause that is frightening me so much. Someone told me once to be prepared to lose everything by transitioning and I guess they really weren't kidding.
Since we are on similar situations, I want to give you an update on mine that might make you feel better. I came out to my gay brother (who is supportive, he basically doesn't care) and...to my boyfriend. Surprisingly he was suuuuper supportive as well, basically told me that my happiness is the most important thing and that he wants to be a part of the process as much as he can, that even though at some point we'll have to end the relationship he wants to be there as much as he can and he's not going away now. His response was great... very positive and very realistic at the same time. I'm at peace and know that whenever we have to break up, it'll be amicable. You can do it too :) if you want more details feel free to PM me.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 19, 2017, 01:48:55 PM
Since we are on similar situations, I want to give you an update on mine that might make you feel better. I came out to my gay brother (who is supportive, he basically doesn't care) and...to my boyfriend. Surprisingly he was suuuuper supportive as well, basically told me that my happiness is the most important thing and that he wants to be a part of the process as much as he can, that even though at some point we'll have to end the relationship he wants to be there as much as he can and he's not going away now. His response was great... very positive and very realistic at the same time. I'm at peace and know that whenever we have to break up, it'll be amicable. You can do it too :) if you want more details feel free to PM me.
OMG Im so glad to read this!!! Go rock it!
Quote from: Wednesday on May 19, 2017, 04:44:26 PM
OMG Im so glad to read this!!! Go rock it!
Thank you! :)
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Have you tried talking to him about specific bedroom fantasies, e.g., crossdressing or even gender neutral clothing; just to gauge his reaction?
I never was able to get that far with my other of 4 yrs. I am not sure where we stand.
How long have you wanted to transition? Have you thought of what the world will be like in the 20s and how you may fit into that picture?
Hey it's me again lol. I thought I'd check back in to give y'all an update on my situation since I never really posted again. So right now I've decided not to transition for now, or at least to put it off indefinitely. Not necessarily because I don't want to do it but because financially it just isn't possible and as far as things go with my husband (we are now married) I am not yet willing to lose him over my desire to transition, at least not yet. I do still identify as female and I guess internally nothing has really changed but for now I'm trying to make the best of where I am in life at this moment and take it one day at a time. It is difficult day to day but I've lived for 27 years in this role I play to the world as a man and I can deal with it if it means not blowing up everything else I care about in my life. Now if down the road this situation becomes unlivable for me then I will be forced to take steps to change it and I may decide to pursue transition, but as it stands I am OK where I am, even if that means I'm not 100 percent where I would like to be.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 19, 2017, 01:48:55 PM
Since we are on similar situations, I want to give you an update on mine that might make you feel better. I came out to my gay brother (who is supportive, he basically doesn't care) and...to my boyfriend. Surprisingly he was suuuuper supportive as well, basically told me that my happiness is the most important thing and that he wants to be a part of the process as much as he can, that even though at some point we'll have to end the relationship he wants to be there as much as he can and he's not going away now. His response was great... very positive and very realistic at the same time. I'm at peace and know that whenever we have to break up, it'll be amicable. You can do it too :) if you want more details feel free to PM me.
That's great to hear! I'm glad it went well for you.
Quote from: ColoTex2890 on August 02, 2017, 11:15:30 PM
Hey it's me again lol. I thought I'd check back in to give y'all an update on my situation since I never really posted again. So right now I've decided not to transition for now, or at least to put it off indefinitely. Not necessarily because I don't want to do it but because financially it just isn't possible and as far as things go with my husband (we are now married) I am not yet willing to lose him over my desire to transition, at least not yet. I do still identify as female and I guess internally nothing has really changed but for now I'm trying to make the best of where I am in life at this moment and take it one day at a time. It is difficult day to day but I've lived for 27 years in this role I play to the world as a man and I can deal with it if it means not blowing up everything else I care about in my life. Now if down the road this situation becomes unlivable for me then I will be forced to take steps to change it and I may decide to pursue transition, but as it stands I am OK where I am, even if that means I'm not 100 percent where I would like to be.
Hi ColoTex2890
Congratulations on your new marriage I hope you are spectacularly happy ;D
Transition is not going to make everyone happy, nor fulfil all their needs and we all have to work out for ourselves where we go. It is a great feeling to be newly married and in love, I wish you nothing but happiness, good times and years of it. :)
Liz
Quote from: ColoTex2890 on August 02, 2017, 11:17:33 PM
That's great to hear! I'm glad it went well for you.
Thank you. I wish you peace and happiness for the path you decided to take :) whatever you decide to do, your happiness is what counts the most.