Does this happen to most of us where we catch people staring, sneering or snickering (sorry for the alliteration). I simply cannot ignore it and it never ends. Thanks for any input!
Haven't dealt with sneering or snickering yet, but people do look. I just tell myself that it's normal for women to recieve more attention than men. It's not something I'm used too and sure that may not be the reason people look, but I try to not dwell on the negative and convince myself otherwise.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using Tapatalk
I used to be a direct eye contact, confident guy. After I transitioned I had a terrible time dealing with the behaviors you're talking about, and so over many months I've become the epitome of the eyes-averted, demure woman. Having said that, I still have never felt so happy and at home in my new persona.
Never been afraid to ask what's your problem & do want to make one with me wanker?
Yea I'm right with ya, I made a whole thing about this myself only a few days ago. I can handle people looking a bit, and I can handle the moment of confusion in people I strike up conversation with for whatever reason.. But the people who really stare, whisper among themselves, point and giggle.. I can't handle it! Just want to be left alone to do this most awkward phase of my transition, why can't people just mind their own business?!
I suppose we'll just have to be strong and try to rise above it.. Or get down and dirty by confronting them, I'm not sure what the better course of action is. I know I'm too much of a shy coward to be confrontational so I'm likely to just flee the situation like I do now :) .
Ohw, and then there are the people looking cause they like you.. I don't know if this has ever happened to me, but I DO know that I have never ever considered it as a reason someone was looking. It's hard to think that about oneself.
I've been there. I would get people staring, and sometimes outright laughter. I just ended up not caring what other people say or do. Usually directly staring at them is enough to make them break eye contact and move on. Sometimes it has taken me asking them what "their" issue is. People are people and feel the need to "elevate" their status and either make others feel uncomfortable or be just plain rude. Don't let it get to you. But just be aware of what's going on around you.
Hi TigerLily
If that's you in your avatar pic, I'm asking what might be provoking the behaviour in others, because you look pretty good.
In my mentoring activities I've seen that it's often important to dress appropriately - like no pink hair, fishnets or crazy heels. There are ways that clothes can work to your advantage or strong disadvantage. And of course, a deep voice really doesn't help, but some hard work can improve that a lot.
What, specifically, can you think of that might be causing people to react as they do.
There is another strand here: many transwomen who simply can't disappear just don't care - they're proud, avoid the silly people, and engage courteously with those who show positive curiosity. Not a panacea, but maybe something that would help you?
Regards
Julia
Quote from: julia-madrid on February 09, 2017, 04:34:49 AM
If that's you in your avatar pic, I'm asking what might be provoking the behaviour in others, because you look pretty good.
...
I agree with Julia here. If that's a picture of you in the avatar I think it's something you're doing or wearing that is out of the norm. The key is "don't be noticed." One other possibility is height? Are you really tall?
It's also possible that you are over sensitive and they are not snickering... at you.
Edit: Confidence is also key. Look like you own "it". Be proud of who you are. Stand up straight, shoulders back, chin up and smile.
Quote from: julia-madrid on February 09, 2017, 04:34:49 AM
Hi TigerLily
If that's you in your avatar pic, I'm asking what might be provoking the behaviour in others, because you look pretty good.
In my mentoring activities I've seen that it's often important to dress appropriately - like no pink hair, fishnets or crazy heels. There are ways that clothes can work to your advantage or strong disadvantage. And of course, a deep voice really doesn't help, but some hard work can improve that a lot.
What, specifically, can you think of that might be causing people to react as they do.
There is another strand here: many transwomen who simply can't disappear just don't care - they're proud, avoid the silly people, and engage courteously with those who show positive curiosity. Not a panacea, but maybe something that would help you?
Regards
Julia
Thanks for your note, Julia!
I dress pretty conservatively and try very hard not to draw attention to myself. I think it's my forehead. It really is quite strong with the bossing. So I am shopping around for PS's. I think fixing that will help externally and internally
Quote from: Denise on February 09, 2017, 10:52:11 AM
I agree with Julia here. If that's a picture of you in the avatar I think it's something you're doing or wearing that is out of the norm. The key is "don't be noticed." One other possibility is height? Are you really tall?
It's also possible that you are over sensitive and they are not snickering... at you.
Edit: Confidence is also key. Look like you own "it". Be proud of who you are. Stand up straight, shoulders back, chin up and smile.
Thanks Denise! Good advice! I am only 5'8'm which isn't that tall. And I do try to blend in. I need forehead contouring and then I think I will blend much better.
If you're also living in NYC, the place can be really brutal in terms of its excessive focus on appearance, causing us to assign all kinds of issues to ourselves that aren't even legitimate. Since your profile pic shows me a beautiful young woman, I'm guessing that they may have been laughing possibly at something else - your choice of clothing, or something else that's relatively "normal". I've experienced the random laughing/snickering even as a perfectly normal-looking person, especially in my school days.
Hi TigerLily
Yes - the bossing is one of the big annoyances! Facial Team did a great job for me - their Marbella team. Question: have you considered wearing your hair with a long fringe down to your eyebrows?
xxx
J
Quote from: julia-madrid on February 10, 2017, 04:02:02 AM
Hi TigerLily
Yes - the bossing is one of the big annoyances! Facial Team did a great job for me - their Marbella team. Question: have you considered wearing your hair with a long fringe down to your eyebrows?
xxx
J
Good for you! I have a consult next week with Dr Lee. If you have any info on him, I'd appreciate it! And yes I do try the side bangs thing. its the dang forehead still makes itself known!
Quote from: Ubiq on February 09, 2017, 09:05:25 PM
If you're also living in NYC, the place can be really brutal in terms of its excessive focus on appearance, causing us to assign all kinds of issues to ourselves that aren't even legitimate. Since your profile pic shows me a beautiful young woman, I'm guessing that they may have been laughing possibly at something else - your choice of clothing, or something else that's relatively "normal". I've experienced the random laughing/snickering even as a perfectly normal-looking person, especially in my school days.
Yep I live in NYC, and ur right it's brutal! Also spent two months in India. They laugh in your face. So that was fun 🙃
I see a beautiful woman in the avatar. I do what Mia suggested.
I was astounded by the stares when I started to wear my hair longer and carry a feminine shoulder bag. I knew it was coming but I didn't think it'd be so blatant. Also, I've noticed a difference in the expressions of men and women who I catch staring. The men, in many instance, have an unnerving look in their eye - very unfriendly - while most of the woman express a look of compassion or a faint smile.
Quote from: Sofie L on February 10, 2017, 10:58:36 PM
I was astounded by the stares when I started to wear my hair longer and carry a feminine shoulder bag. I knew it was coming but I didn't think it'd be so blatant. Also, I've noticed a difference in the expressions of men and women who I catch staring. The men, in many instance, have an unnerving look in their eye - very unfriendly - while most of the woman express a look of compassion or a faint smile.
Yes and didn't their mothers teach not to stare?? People!
Quote from: TigerLilyNYC on February 08, 2017, 06:40:54 PM
Does this happen to most of us where we catch people staring, sneering or snickering (sorry for the alliteration). I simply cannot ignore it and it never ends. Thanks for any input!
Fortunately I blend well so no one even notices me. The thing that scares the hell out of me though is when dudes start flirting. I get out of that situation as fast as I can. Every once in a while I'll get flirts from other girls. I like those.
Quote from: Amy1988 on February 11, 2017, 08:32:07 AM
Fortunately I blend well so no one even notices me. The thing that scares the hell out of me though is when dudes start flirting. I get out of that situation as fast as I can. Every once in a while I'll get flirts from other girls. I like those.
A man in his 40s tried flirting with me in a bar, opening with his astute observation that i was 'one of those' -implying transwoman- and how he found it quite sexy.. That is the only flirtation i have been exposed to since i went full time, not very encouraging! :D
Back in my early 20's I had two totally catastrophic transitioning tests (I do not apologize for alliterations). I was 6ft, Big boned, deeper then average male voice, in a world and time filled with the average woman being 5'6 and guys about 5'10. Oh, and we are talking the late 70's. NOT remotely a gay friendly time, much less T remotely knowing what trans was beyond a drag-queen. I got a lot of the stares and snickers. Teens, especially the girls are THE WORSE knowing they are essentially bullet-proof from any retaliation.
Today my experiences of being out in the real world as the real me are far different. Stares I take as a confirmation of my last mirror experience; "Pretty good looking for an lady". No snickers at all from what I am aware of. And believe me I am hyper aware of such things after being a fat, stuttering four-eyed, knuckle dragging, mouth breathing "Target" all of my childhood and later in life.
From your avatar I cannot see why or how you can be getting clocked. I always go out of my way to present as unambiguously female as possible. Loving girlie-girl helps, but I also do jeans and cute tops. The entire look goes into the first impression you make. That also includes body language and demeanor. Plus, there is "Situational Awareness". Are you in places or situations that may bring out the worse (or truth) in some people?
Quote from: JoanneB on February 12, 2017, 07:32:51 AM
Back in my early 20's I had two totally catastrophic transitioning tests (I do not apologize for alliterations). I was 6ft, Big boned, deeper then average male voice, in a world and time filled with the average woman being 5'6 and guys about 5'10. Oh, and we are talking the late 70's. NOT remotely a gay friendly time, much less T remotely knowing what trans was beyond a drag-queen. I got a lot of the stares and snickers. Teens, especially the girls are THE WORSE knowing they are essentially bullet-proof from any retaliation.
Today my experiences of being out in the real world as the real me are far different. Stares I take as a confirmation of my last mirror experience; "Pretty good looking for an lady". No snickers at all from what I am aware of. And believe me I am hyper aware of such things after being a fat, stuttering four-eyed, knuckle dragging, mouth breathing "Target" all of my childhood and later in life.
From your avatar I cannot see why or how you can be getting clocked. I always go out of my way to present as unambiguously female as possible. Loving girlie-girl helps, but I also do jeans and cute tops. The entire look goes into the first impression you make. That also includes body language and demeanor. Plus, there is "Situational Awareness". Are you in places or situations that may bring out the worse (or truth) in some people?
Thanks for your note, Joanne! And for not apologizing for your alliteration 😊 I fear that some of the looks and snickers may not be because of my being clocked, because even when I wear a hat which covers my #1 giveaway, which is my extreme bossing, I still get odd side-eyes and the occasional snicker....though it's far more rare. But it did happen last night while wearing a hat. The worst culprits for me are when I'm walking by two or more men. I think they aren't even doing the clocking thing but the binary is this woman cute or ugly? And if they put me in the ugly category then I'm not human to them and they have no problem laughing in my face. Walking by construction workers is the worst for me. They reduce women to would I bang her? If not, then she's of no use to me so she is not worth my politeness. So needless to say I look to avoid situations where I will be judged. But that's nearly impossible. At least once I have the forehead corrected I will feel a lot more normal. But that won't solve everything. 🙁
Just wanted to share my experience that occurred today after therapy. I was in a nationwide department store looking at the makeup as well as the women's clothing area including intimates.
I happened to make eye contact with a young make teenager who was with two teenage girls as well. He immediately whispered to the two girls and then the followed me around the store (they thought they were being discreet but my former police & security training noticed them around every turn) this went on as I continued my shopping until I had gotten what I went there for plus some things I didnt know I wanted..(the way it always goes).
I went to the check out lane, they followed right behind me...and I mean right behind me. This girl couldn't have been more than 6 inches away from me.
I heard the young man say.."if you want to know for sure just ask her".
She didnt ask so it could have been anything from being clocked, to the nice jeans I was wearing, to do you need help with your make up ( I eould have replied yes since I only was wearing base and lipstick). My point is simply this,I didnt allow what I thought they were thinking or what they were doing distract, annoy, or hinder me in any way.
I deserve to be there as much as they do!
Be brave, be kind, be smart, be who you are & above all be safe!
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Quote from: jgravitt01 on February 13, 2017, 10:43:28 PM
Just wanted to share my experience that occurred today after therapy. I was in a nationwide department store looking at the makeup as well as the women's clothing area including intimates.
I happened to make eye contact with a young make teenager who was with two teenage girls as well. He immediately whispered to the two girls and then the followed me around the store (they thought they were being discreet but my former police & security training noticed them around every turn) this went on as I continued my shopping until I had gotten what I went there for plus some things I didnt know I wanted..(the way it always goes).
I went to the check out lane, they followed right behind me...and I mean right behind me. This girl couldn't have been more than 6 inches away from me.
I heard the young man say.."if you want to know for sure just ask her".
She didnt ask so it could have been anything from being clocked, to the nice jeans I was wearing, to do you need help with your make up ( I eould have replied yes since I only was wearing base and lipstick). My point is simply this,I didnt allow what I thought they were thinking or what they were doing distract, annoy, or hinder me in any way.
I deserve to be there as much as they do!
Be brave, be kind, be smart, be who you are & above all be safe!
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
What a great note, JGravitt! I love that you simply don't try to put any thought into what they could have meant. I would love to evolve to that place. Reading stories like this helps! Thanks for posting!
Quote from: TigerLilyNYC on February 14, 2017, 07:17:31 PM
What a great note, JGravitt! I love that you simply don't try to put any thought into what they could have meant. I would love to evolve to that place. Reading stories like this helps! Thanks for posting!
Your very welcome. We share because we care! - Jaime
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Quote from: TigerLilyNYC on February 08, 2017, 06:40:54 PM
Does this happen to most of us where we catch people staring, sneering or snickering (sorry for the alliteration). I simply cannot ignore it and it never ends. Thanks for any input!
how far along are you in your transition?
It took a good 2 years of being on hormones for the stares and snickers to stop.
once hormones start to do their thing, it gets easier.
getting a good haircut to break up any masculinity goes a long way towards helping too. I'm constantly amazed how brushing your hair one way can make you completely feminine and brushing it another way can completely bring out every masculine trait you have.
Proper makeup techniques can also help reduce visible masculinity in the face.
And proper fashion and dress can aid as well.
But you have to ignore it. Be strong, put in a smile and just remember you dont know those people and will likely never see most of them again. Always move forward!