Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am 53 and don't have many of the very serious concerns others have when coming out.  But I have hesitated and stalled for other reasons.  On political and many social issues we are complete opposites - especially my father.  My mother is from Japan, her generation has strict social expectations and I am their only child.  She has been proud to introduce me to others as her Number One Son, a term that makes me cringe.

I have thought about this conversation for three years and battled it internally for the past several months.  This has woken me up at night.  As I have gradually realized I need to live life the way I want, I have tossed aside fears of how others might react - with the exception of my parents.  I am very close to my parents.  I do not want to hurt them in any way. 

My gender therapist has asked if I've had this conversation yet.  And my electrologist.  And my speech therapist.  And my hairdresser.  I came close to it but chickened out.  I could use holidays as an excuse - if things go badly is this how they would always want to remember Mother's Day.  And then Father's Day.

A close friend who knows my parents well has consistently recommended: do not transition until they are dead.

My gender therapist recommended I write a letter but I didn't.  A letter might be best for some people and situations but my best accomplishments have not involved a letter - it is when I communicate from my heart, directly, in person to another individual or on stage if it's a crowd.  I am not trying to discourage others from writing a great letter - but I just couldn't. 

My speech therapist had a brutally simple but true observation based on her experience with clients.  This is when you will find out if your parents truly love you.  She has seen a "redneck in a cowboy hat" totally embrace their child coming out as transgender without hesitation.  She has seen people you would expect to understand, just not get it at all.  She has given up trying to predict.  She said just do it and then I will know.

Today I was visiting my parents and thought about people I admire here.  Sara in Wales gaining the courage to walk out of her house in a small village, traveling to a larger town and down a city sidewalk to her first transgender group support meeting as herself.  Laurie (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=52431) from Oregon who had barely gone anywhere as herself, and then after a couple exceptions drove across the entire US and back as herself.  Watching Artesia (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=48828) have this conversation with her parents four months ago with better results than expected, and discovering new things about herself in the process.  I thought about this as I looked in the mirror and knew what I needed to do.

My parents took this information far better than I expected.  I can barely put into words by how much - I am stunned.

My mother initially cried and apologized, and stopped crying when I reminded her a transition in 1971 (when I was eight) had massive social and medical challenges compared to today. 

My mother started to understand when I explained how she was non-conforming with her career as an Engineering Draftsman.  Her business card in the 1970s had a male pronoun.  She used to joke about being called "a guy named Sue" at the office (the only thing remotely masculine about her was her job title). 

My father thinks he might have been left handed but isn't sure, other than memories of having a grade school teacher hit his left hand with a ruler when he was caught writing with it.  10% of people are biologically left handed, but the same countries and societies that repress gender identity somehow have a low percentage of left handed people. 

I made every effort to convince them this isn't a bad thing - it is an opportunity - and they seem to accept that.  I also told them about the recent post from Bobbie (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=25404) which is an eye-opener for me: by doing this, I get to experience life twice.  How many people get to do that? 

I feared today, and I didn't have to. 

Big hug! My Dad was long gone, and they had given my Mom three months to live when I came out to my brother and sisters. We decided that since I wasn't going down to see her in person that it wouldn't be worth the risk of telling her. Sure, I missed an opportunity for her to love me for who I am, but if it had gone badly, how could I reconcile tormenting a dying woman?

Proud of you for making such a huge step. :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Under the circumstances I believe you made the best decision available to you.

I rolled the dice and it went well.  I'll admit I had an additional motivation - my first endocrinologist appointment is in a week. 

Hi Kendra

I am so glad it worked so well with your parents. I am the same age as you and my parents are in their late 70's. So I know how daunting that was for you. Not that it is easy to do at any age I am glad it turned out to be such a great experience. I think many parents of their age find it is hard to understand us.

QuoteI feared today, and I didn't have to.

Great Outcome

Hugs
Liz

I'm pleased that it went well for you! 

Wow Kendra,

  What a struggle for you.
  I was spared having to come out to my parents as trans because I did not know it myself until after they both were gone. But I did struggle with shame over my closeted crossdressing. My mom always made a point of telling me how proud she was of me. My Dad never verbally sang my praises but I knew he was proud of how I followed his example by enlisting in the Navy to get the education in a field that would become my career and proud of me when I left the Navy to build on that career and raise a family. I felt the weight of shiny example of a success in their eyes. I could never have told them I was a sissy that donned female attire whenever I could to escape the heavy mantle of that success for it was only when I was dressed that I could let down the facade of my life and feel free.
  As it turned out my mother knew as my ex made sure she knew. My dad may have known also. I did not know this until I came out to my sister that lives with me recently. My mother never talked to me about it and my dad left this world many years before she did.
  In a way I feel I missed out on an opportunity to know just how much they loved me by not being able to talk to them about my being trans. It would have been difficult for me to tell them for sure but I now see that my fear would have been misplaced.
  Coming out to loved ones is hard to do as that fear of rejection is so strong in us. As their children we crave their love and are unwilling to do anything we perceive will jeopardize it. Not coming out to a loved one deprives them of an opportunity to show just how deep their love for us goes.  It's risky, yes, but the rewards can be great. Just doing it is a tremendous relief with the lifting of those unreasonable fears and a reward in and of itself.

  I'm proud of you Kendra and glad the results were better than you feared they were going to be.

Hugs,
   Laurie

YAY!  I am so glad it went well.  I as you may know told my wife as well.  I am still hoping it will end us as well as it appears to be going, but I have nat made many changeds yet and that and time will tell!

Love and Hugs,

Marcie

Thank you all for the great support, before and after.  Your support means so much to me.

Marcie, huge congratulations on telling your wife.  Your thread mentions your wife had a feeling something was going on.  My mother said the same thing today. 

I wish I could do more to help others but I didn't create a letter.  As today sinks in my advice on what went well is: think about anything the other person has experienced or identifies with, and use that to gently make the point.  Are they left-handed, have they ever had a job title that was historically misgendered, or more direct forms of discrimination.  And whether the best solution to put up with it and just sort of get by, or tackle the issue and turn those lemons into great lemonade.  (Speaking of lemon-shaped objects, I even discussed surgery and they didn't freak out). 

As I re-read this I hope I didn't cause anyone pain by mentioning parents in the age bracket where many (or most) of us have lost our parents due to age, or their health has deteriorated to the point where the risk of additional stress isn't sensible.  We each have many similarities but our situations can be unique. 

Just wanted to say that I'm happy it turned out this way for you Kendra! You are so quick to offer support and help others here. I want you to know that you are supported here too which I'm sure you already know.

Quote from: Kendra on July 16, 2017, 06:55:37 PM
I feared today, and I didn't have to.

Congratulations, Kendra.  I know how hard this was to do, and the result was far better than your fears.

We all tend to expect the worst from others, but fortunately, almost all who have been close to us see us as individuals, and hold that in mind while we tell them something new about ourselves.  It is very hard for someone who knows and accept us already to turn to rejection with one additional fact.

You made it. Well done, Kendra.

I am so happy that worked out for you! You will be glad you took the risk and did this.

For me, if my mom didn't get the chance to know me as her daughter, I would have been really, really sad. I started transitioning at 15, HRT at 17 and finished the social part immediately out of high school. She couldn't have been more supportive and well, motherly. She lived long enough to see me have SRS at 22 but sadly, she passed away when I was 25 in 1980. The only thing I regret is that she didn't get a chance to meet my husband that I didn't marry until I was 29.

Quote from: Kendra on July 16, 2017, 09:21:33 PM
Thank you all for the great support, before and after.  Your support means so much to me.

Marcie, huge congratulations on telling your wife.  Your thread mentions your wife had a feeling something was going on.  My mother said the same thing today. 

I wish I could do more to help others but I didn't create a letter.  As today sinks in my advice on what went well is: think about anything the other person has experienced or identifies with, and use that to gently make the point.  Are they left-handed, have they ever had a job title that was historically misgendered, or more direct forms of discrimination.  And whether the best solution to put up with it and just sort of get by, or tackle the issue and turn those lemons into great lemonade.  (Speaking of lemon-shaped objects, I even discussed surgery and they didn't freak out). 

As I re-read this I hope I didn't cause anyone pain by mentioning parents in the age bracket where many (or most) of us have lost our parents due to age, or their health has deteriorated to the point where the risk of additional stress isn't sensible.  We each have many similarities but our situations can be unique.

I'm 55 and I haven't told my parents yet. 

I didn't begin transitioning until I moved a few hundred miles from home, but in my defense, I didn't know that my transitioning was covered by my insurance until less than a year ago, so I've only been "officially" transitioning since September.

My Mom had a stroke in Sept, and even though she's almost fully recovered, during a group phonecall with three of my other siblings, my sister (who's a NURSE, for crying out loud!) warned me not to tell her.  I think Mom will know when I next go back home and I have a facial hair and a deep voice.  But still, it hurt to hear my sister say that. 

I think its because my sister has always been the "stuff always happens to other families, NOT to mine" kind of person, despite what her career shows her.

My Dad doesn't know either (my parents divorced when I was four and he lives in another state), but when he was in the hospital this past February, I called him.  My deep voice threw him at first, but then we began talking like normal.

I'm one of those sons that don't call unless there's something to talk about.  I could have come out to my Dad a week ago when he called me out of the blue for that reason, but I chickened out. 

I'm just now realizing that my transitioning has prevented me from calling them as often as I used to, yet the two of them having called me and heard my now-deep voice.

My technology-hating Dad knows how to videochat.  I think I'm going to seriously consider doing so and telling him.  After all, I was always "the tomboy" in the family.  Somehow, the more I think about it, the less shocked I'm thinking they will be.

Thank you for your original post.  It has given me the courage to once again consider coming out to my parents.

Ryuichi 

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Congratulations, Kendra, on taking the risk of letting your parents know the real you.  What a gift that is, both for you that it went well, and for them that they will know you as your true self!

Ryuichi, your sister's comments are not as extreme as what a friend said I should do (postpone transition for my parents' sake) but is a reminder - the person in the best position to decide how you should handle your future is you.  Although there were no guarantees, in this particular outcome my friend was clearly wrong.  Whatever you decide - yes or no - the best you can do is equip yourself with your own thoughts, sample the experiences of others, and know you did your best.

I just talked to my dad by phone.  He is emotionally closer to me now than I can recall in a very long time.  I already had a good connection to both parents (an additional reason I was so worried about shattering everything), but a day later I can say the last time I felt this mutually close to them was before I was a teenager. 

Quote from: Kendra on July 17, 2017, 03:15:06 PM
Ryuichi, your sister's comments are not as extreme as what a friend said I should do (postpone transition for my parents' sake) but is a reminder - the person in the best position to decide how you should handle your future is you.  Although there were no guarantees, in this particular outcome my friend was clearly wrong.  Whatever you decide - yes or no - the best you can do is equip yourself with your own thoughts, sample the experiences of others, and know you did your best.

I just talked to my dad by phone.  He is emotionally closer to me now than I can recall in a very long time.  I already had a good connection to both parents (an additional reason I was so worried about shattering everything), but a day later I can say the last time I felt this mutually close to them was before I was a teenager.

Actually, that's similar to what that sister suggested, that I stay away from home until my Mom dies!  She's pretty healthy since she learned the hard way to not let her high blood pressure meds run out, so she could easily have another 10-15 years.  F*** that noise!  I'm not doing that! 

I think its more for my sister's benefit than for my Mom's anyways.  My Mom accepted me coming out of the (broom) closet as Pagan, I'm pretty sure she'll accept this as well.  After all, I'm still the same person.

My sister's kneejerk response was actually "you're trying to embarrass us (me!), aren't you?  Don't say anything to the girls, you're already a Pagan freak and they don't need to be exposed any more of your crazy s***!"

"The girls" she referred to are both in college, and not only were they the first people I told in the family, their only response was, "what pronouns do you prefer?" 

I think my sister still thinks of them as "innocent little kids," and not as the intelligent young ladies they have grown into.

My Mom knows that I'll always opt for doing things that make me happy.  I've always done so, and I will continue to do so.  I think I will tell her the next time we're face to face, and damn what my sister thinks!

Wonder if Mom knows how videochat?

Ryuichi

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Congratulations Kendra!!! I am so happy for you!

And good luck Ryuichi!!

Congrats Kendra
I think you evaluated your situation with your parents, heard well-meaning advice from others, both personally and from the this forum and made the perfect call.  Al of us of a certain age with parents still around have to make the call.  And most of us make the right one.  My father passed away years ago and only this year did my mother.  I did not tell her because she was in tenuous health the last 2 years and my dysphoria and potential for RL transition was not moving forward.  While I thought that it may have been informative for me about my early life and I think she would have been accepting it would not have done much else.  Finally, I think that now that she has passed she knows my secrets and still loves me as she did in life and wishes the best for me which ever path I take.
As to older parents, I think due to advanced age, life experience and time to appreciate each of their kids as functioning adults, they become more accepting of the variations that life gives us.  Their politics may be conservative. They are devout in their religion. They may grumble about kids theses days, but in the end, life is not a straight line and they have seen things go sideways for unknown reasons and the world still turned.  So when their adult kid comes out, it really does not change things much. They still love us.  Just like if my kids showed up with some freaking bizarre change in their life.

Thank you all for great additional advice and experiences.  I believe our thoughts here will help others. 

Ruichi - If you decide to video chat with your dad and/or mom, here's some ideas.  Video chat is a casual format so we don't think about lighting or camera angle.  Don't over-think it but I recommend do a test run to check - does your current setup emphasize or accidentally hide things you want to highlight?  And most important, does the camera angle place you in an approachable friendly position, appear superior/condescending (camera angle tilted up) or inferior (looking down at you).  Courtrooms place the judge on a platform to imply a judge isn't an equal of other people in the room.  To avoid this distraction find a way to set your camera somewhat close to horizontal.  Also consider where your eyes will be looking.  One trick is make the window showing you what you're seeing smaller so the center of their face is closer to your camera, so they see your eyes focused near the camera.  As icing on the cake, if you make your video chat window smaller (so you can locate it near the camera), set the remaining screen to something that isn't distracting and makes you happy.  If you want a better shot at positive results, think positive - you can influence others with good thoughts. 

Congratulations Kendra!

I'm so pleased it turned out well for you.  This is something I need to do soon with my parents and to be honest something I'm absolutely dreading

Hearing your experience though really has given me a massive boost in confidence that if I prepare well, and take a very positive approach, there's every chance of a good outcome with them too

Charlotte

Way to go Kendra!!! ... You are a go-getter and a courageous go-getter at that!!! :)

Testament to all the unecessary worry we often put ourselves through in regards to coming out... Our family relationships hold special significance so it is easy to let our worst fears fill the gaps of the unknowns when trying to predict how they will react!!!... I am sure your relationship will grow even closer as they get to know their amazing and wonderful daughter!!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!!

Ashley :)

Quote from: Kendra on July 17, 2017, 05:37:59 PM
Thank you all for great additional advice and experiences.  I believe our thoughts here will help others. 

Ruichi - If you decide to video chat with your dad and/or mom, here's some ideas.  Video chat is a casual format so we don't think about lighting or camera angle.  Don't over-think it but I recommend do a test run to check - does your current setup emphasize or accidentally hide things you want to highlight?  And most important, does the camera angle place you in an approachable friendly position, appear superior/condescending (camera angle tilted up) or inferior (looking down at you).  Courtrooms place the judge on a platform to imply a judge isn't an equal of other people in the room.  To avoid this distraction find a way to set your camera somewhat close to horizontal.  Also consider where your eyes will be looking.  One trick is make the window showing you what you're seeing smaller so the center of their face is closer to your camera, so they see your eyes focused near the camera.  As icing on the cake, if you make your video chat window smaller (so you can locate it near the camera), set the remaining screen to something that isn't distracting and makes you happy.  If you want a better shot at positive results, think positive - you can influence others with good thoughts.

Thank you so much for the info Kendra!  I will be sure to do a test run beforehand.  When I finally do it, I'll be sure to post the results in this thread. ☺

Ryuichi

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Kendra, I just read your post. I am so happy for you!  ;D I hope you will find that without this secret between you, you and your parents find an even closer deeper relationship.

Congrats!

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on July 17, 2017, 09:01:28 PM
Thank you so much for the info Kendra!  I will be sure to do a test run beforehand.  When I finally do it, I'll be sure to post the results in this thread. ☺

Ryuichi

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Hi Ryuichi

I have to say that my experience telling my parents didn't go as planned and after 18 months we are not really making much headway. I planned my telling them very very carefully and flew a long way. I am 53 and they are in their late 70's both in good health. I was given advice to be careful to which I certainly tried to heed. They reacted in the usual way initially and then it was not spoken of again for nearly three months when I bought it up.There was a lot of stress for me as result of their inability to really understand what it meant that I was MTF.

One of my siblings also in his 40s' has not been able to handle things and has distanced himself which meant I have not see him for over 2 months now and prior to my coming out we would see each other most weekends and most times during the week, he lives 700m from me.

I think what ever you do you need to prepare yourself for any kind of reaction, even silence, and I don't mean the day you tell them. Despite what appeared to be coldness from them it was more about how to process the changes. I have used Skype to interact with them and as the changes in me have occurred I have hidden them as much as I can and down played the others as they seemed to be happening way faster than they could handle.

The understanding of my parents has been very slow and that has at times been quite difficult to deal with. I am now at the point where I am letting them go, I contacted my Mother for her Birthday and we had a lovely chat but that will be about the limit of my ongoing interaction. But My feelings for her have changed. When we skype she has difficulty seeing the changes in me and can't stay for any longer than about a minute then there is always something that "must" be done,

I really hope it goes well for you. I loved my parents dearly and their full acceptance of me was important to me but I have moved on from that and will maintain a superficial relationship from now on.

Good Luck

Liz

Quote from: ElizabethK on July 18, 2017, 01:40:21 AM
Hi Ryuichi

I have to say that my experience telling my parents didn't go as planned and after 18 months we are not really making much headway. I planned my telling them very very carefully and flew a long way. I am 53 and they are in their late 70's both in good health. I was given advice to be careful to which I certainly tried to heed. They reacted in the usual way initially and then it was not spoken of again for nearly three months when I bought it up.There was a lot of stress for me as result of their inability to really understand what it meant that I was MTF.

One of my siblings also in his 40s' has not been able to handle things and has distanced himself which meant I have not see him for over 2 months now and prior to my coming out we would see each other most weekends and most times during the week, he lives 700m from me.

I think what ever you do you need to prepare yourself for any kind of reaction, even silence, and I don't mean the day you tell them. Despite what appeared to be coldness from them it was more about how to process the changes. I have used Skype to interact with them and as the changes in me have occurred I have hidden them as much as I can and down played the others as they seemed to be happening way faster than they could handle.

The understanding of my parents has been very slow and that has at times been quite difficult to deal with. I am now at the point where I am letting them go, I contacted my Mother for her Birthday and we had a lovely chat but that will be about the limit of my ongoing interaction. But My feelings for her have changed. When we skype she has difficulty seeing the changes in me and can't stay for any longer than about a minute then there is always something that "must" be done,

I really hope it goes well for you. I loved my parents dearly and their full acceptance of me was important to me but I have moved on from that and will maintain a superficial relationship from now on.

Good Luck

Liz

Thank you for the warning, I greatly appreciate it. 

As much as I love my parents, like I mentioned before, I've always been the kind of son that only spoke to them when something (often good, sometimes bad) happens.  It usually meant holidays, birthdays and the like.  I don't think that will change very much.

I suppose that is partially my fault.  Unlike my other siblings, I've always gone my own way.  It was never in me to "keep up with the Joneses," "try to fit in with everyone else," or even simply "be normal," whatever that may be.

It would suck if they pull away any more than I've already pushed them, but at least it wouldn't be too much more different than it already is.

I just want them to know why I've been even more distant than I already am.  Its only fair for them to know.

Of course, I'm also hoping that they will simply shrug and things will basically go on like normal.  It would be nice to become close to them.

Somehow, I suspect that in some subconscious way, they already know.  A couple of my siblings told me they did (and my lifelong behaivor now made sense), and my parents are really intelligent.

Ryuichi

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Both my parents are gone and it's just my brother and one of my sisters left. My therapist had my write a coming out letter and I am trying to figure out whom to send it to. I moved away 15 years ago and I'm 2000-2500 miles from my family. My wife's family is another story. I don't think she'd want me to send it to them for various reasons and to be honest, there's only one or two out of her 12 siblings I'd tell if I did and I have no need to tell them. How have any of you decided who to tell? As changes happen, like social media, photos, name, etc, people will pickup after a while. Just wondering aloud. My kids would be first of course, but after that, I don't know.


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Quote from: Gertrude on July 18, 2017, 03:15:37 PMHow have any of you decided who to tell?

The first people I told were my wife, of course, and a neighbour whom I could count on for support.

All the family I have got consists of two brothers and a cousin.  I told one brother right away, but hesitated to tell the other one.  But the day I went full-time, I figured he deserved to hear it from me and not from someone else, so I sent him an email.  The cousin learned from Facebook, just like everyone else. 

I told the people in my community in person.  The population is only about 300, so there's no keeping secrets.  Everyone either knows directly from me or via the grapevine.

Telling my aunt, who was 89 at the time was fun!!!... My ex girlfriend of 17 years lived near my aunt in Southern CA... I called my Aunt and said I was going to drive down and take her out to dinner and my ex GF was going to join us and bring her girlfriend (me)....When I got to LA, I called her again and said I was running late but my ex and her friend were on the way over to her place

We went in and I was introduced and talked to my aunt for 15 minutes straight and she had no idea it was me until we told her!!! We went out to a great dinner afterwards!!!


My aunt is bisexual and had relationships with both guys and girls when I was growing up... She always considered herself a bit of a sexual outlaw with how society was in the 40s and 50s so she was thrilled that I am Trans and we are closer now that she gets the real me!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley :)

My parents live 100 miles (160km) away for half the year in the US.  They spend the other half of each year in Asia.  Since coming out to them 3 weeks ago I have seen them for a day almost every weekend and we have talked on the phone almost every day.  Last weekend I showed them my estrogen patch prescription and explained how that works.  I told them I let my manager at work know I am transgender and he is very supportive.  My parents and I have not been this connected since before I was a teenager.  Now that my parents know I am transgender they understand me.

I saw the 1979 total eclipse in Yakima, Washington State (they did not - they were too busy).  I was 15 at the time, already driving myself to college every day (long story I'll skip here).  I asked if I could borrow the truck and drive over the mountains to Yakima and they said yes.  The eclipse was incredible.  Even a 98% eclipse is just a big chip in the sun.  A 100% eclipse suddenly transforms the landscape into another planet - the hills appear almost backlit, the sky is disorienting, the color of everything is unreal.  The descriptions don't make sense - you have to see a total eclipse to understand. 

I've decided to take them to see the August 21 eclipse.  I know better than to drive from Seattle south to mid-Oregon as literally a million people will try to drive on the same road, aiming for the same two minutes - converging north from San Francisco and south from Seattle.  Roads will be jammed anywhere within a day of a population center.  If I was going solo I'd pack a tent but this is with my parents so I found and reserved a hotel in Idaho Falls, Idaho for the evening of August 20.  We will drive east Friday-Saturday into Montana where there are fewer people and then head south. 

I sent them email last night about the trip, told them I pre-paid for a hotel room.  I was just about to call them a few minutes ago, but before dialing my phone noticed my mom had replied to my email.  The brief story she told caused me to burst out in tears.  I started estrogen HRT 12 days ago, others have warned me my emotions will be different - I've had a few things that caused me to pause but nothing like this where I was crying and could not stop.  I am not sad at all.  It's the joy of realizing how valuable life is, what a short time we all have, and how lucky I am to have parents who suddenly understand who I am, as I am transitioning to become the woman I should have been all along.

My mother was born and raised in Hokkaido Japan in the 1930s- their equivalent of Alaska.  They had pretty much no money and she hiked to school in snow shoes.  Here is part of what she said.

"Many moons ago... my brother took me to that event when I was 9 or 10 years old at Hakodate.  He burned a candle on broken glass to make smoked glass.  I got to see the chipped sun.  I was late to school."

She probably doesn't realize we are going to see a total eclipse, very different than a partial eclipse.  But my mom telling me about home made solar glasses 76 years ago - it just really struck me.

I am so glad I will be making this trip with them.  I just wish all of us could have such understanding parents and family and could transition while they are still around.  I feel more than a little guilty describing things that go well, because I know many of us face terrible situations with family. 

Ok, typing this has helped.  I've regained my composure enough to call them on the phone.

Don't feel guilty we all love to read good stories in spite of how our own may be.

  Tears are strange, today I cried out of frustration and then a bit later because I read something good.

Dang hormones.

Hugs,
   Leonard

Quote from: Kendra on August 05, 2017, 08:53:10 PMI feel more than a little guilty describing things that go well, because I know many of us face terrible situations with family. 

Thank you for sharing that story, Kendra!

Do not feel guilty about sharing happy news.  We all need some, and those who don't have some of their own need to share in the good news of someone who does.  It gives us all hope and inspiration, and, yes, tears of joy.

Kendra,
I am so happy for you.

You will always have to temporal coincidence of the start of your formal transition, coming out to family and beginning of a new life only weeks prior the total solar eclipse making this a landmark year, one which will call to memory the experience of your mother as a child.

These are precious things.  Derive well deserved joy and happiness from them.

Steph

Wow, Kendra, your story is fantastic. I'm kinda new here - joined about three weeks ago, but have been too busy to even write an introduction yet. Your story touched me because tomorrow I'm flying 1200 miles for my Mom's 80th surprise birthday party (I'm 58). The day after the party I'll be telling her and my sister about my transition. I think they'll both take it ok, since there have been a few incidents in my past that may keep it from being a complete surprise. I'm less worried about rejection than I am about hurting my Mom.

I've come out to my wife, who has been wonderful (she's been telling my therapist and people in the support groups we attend that, "she [meaning me!] deserves to be happy."). I've also told four very close and supportive friends, so I've had a chance to practice my speech, but I'm still extremely nervous about Mom and sis.

The family is used to seeing the old me with a cynical and dour attitude, so at the party I intend to show them how much happier I am since I started HRT. I intend to go into my speech with an invitation for them to share my joy. I hope that's the right tack to take.

Again congratulations, Kendra!

Steph

Thank you Laurie, KathyLauren and Steph Eigen.  And Steph2.0, absolutely best wishes for your trip tomorrow, and (most importantly) the day after tomorrow. 

What a beautiful story Kendra, it's filled me up with tears.
I always went through the act in my head of telling my parents but both are dead as well as sidling but come out to friends instead, they couldn't run fast enough.. So sad
Sara

Quote from: Kendra on August 06, 2017, 05:48:12 PM
Steph2.0, absolutely best wishes for your trip tomorrow, and (most importantly) the day after tomorrow.

Thanks Kendra,

Things went so much better today than I'd anticipated. I haven't gone full time yet, but every stitch I was wearing came from the women's department, though you probably couldn't tell. I was really nervous and on the edge of tears, and went on and on, over explaining the situation, and next thing I knew I was being smothered by my sister who was thrilled because she always wanted a sister. My Mom is completely on board, too. She told me, "You're my s... my child, and I love you no matter what."

The only limitation my sister imposed is I'm not allowed to dress better than her. I told her no promises. Later on she offered me the ring my Mom wore when she was married to my Dad (she got remarried after my Dad died long ago). She had intended give it to her daughter (my niece) but thought maybe my Dad's new other daughter might want it now. It was a very touching gesture, but I've never worn rings and probably never will.

So far my support network includes my wife, my Mom and sister, five very dear friends - one of whom is a trans woman herself - the various support groups I take part in, my therapist and doctor, and this group and a few on Facebook. I, too, feel a little guilty when I think about how many of my sisters are having such a hard time of it. I know things aren't always going to go well for me, but for today I'm going to enjoy the relief.

Stephanie

Oh wow Stephanie, so thrilled to hear that things went so beautifully for you!  Congrats!

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Wow, Kendra..I admire your courage and I'm glad it worked out well for you.

Thankfully, I was spared coming out, even as a nonbinary partial transmale, to my parents, and having to explain it all to them, as they passed away in 2008 and I didn't know what I was until 2013.
But since my parents treated my mom's sister, whose significant other was a transmale, like a normal member of the family, there might not have been a problem.

Besides, my mom gave up trying to girlify me when I was little, allowing me to run wild with the boys, and even lining me up with my two brothers to warn us to "NEVER hit girls!"
At the time, I only thought it was unfair, but it never occurred to me to protest that I was a girl myself. Neither did it occur to anyone else who was present.

Stephanie, awesome!!!  I am so glad everything went well for you - you just made my day!  And what an amazing gesture with the ring. 

Raell, sounds like your parents were great.  I am sorry to hear they passed away.  I know they would be proud of you.

I am going to see my parents this weekend and will be planning details for our trip to Wyoming/Idaho to see the eclipse together.   

Stephanie, I am so happy for you!  Congratulations on coming out to family!  What an awesome mom and sister you have!

Ryuichi, Kendra, KathyLauren,

Thanks so much for your comments. After reading them and thinking about it, I realized what an awesome gesture of acceptance my sister had made by offering the ring. I had originally declined with thanks, but today before she drove us to the airport I asked if it would be alright if I took it. She lit up and ran off to get it for me.

We were never very close before, but I feel we've really strengthened the family ties. After bracing myself for at best confusion and ambivalence, and at worst rejection, I'm still stunned by how it turned out. I had planned to have my bags packed so I could leave her house quickly if necessary, though I didn't get it done before we left to meet with my Mom. Afterward, when I told my sister about that, she was almost insulted that I'd even worried about it. I'm a bit ashamed that after 58 years I didn't know her better. She's offered advice about makeup and clothing, and is genuinely worried about my safety. I can see we're going to be much closer going forward.

When I finally got home tonight I tried the ring on for the first time. It only fits my little finger, but seeing it on my hand... well let's just say that I'm leaking from the ocular area.

Stephanie

Stephanie I am so glad you accepted and have that ring.  The meaning behind it is incredible.  You could wear it as a pendant on a necklace - especially the next time you see your sister.  A jeweler could add one link so the ring hangs parallel with the necklace. 

Awesome idea, Kendra! My Mom had the diamond moved to her new ring when she remarried. I can't afford to have a new stone put in and have it resized for my fat finger, but a necklace would work great. Thank you!

PS: from your avatar pic it looks like you've done something similar?

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 10, 2017, 11:14:05 PM
  I realized what an awesome gesture of acceptance my sister had made by offering the ring. I had originally declined with thanks, but today before she drove us to the airport I asked if it would be alright if I took it. She lit up and ran off to get it for me.

I had planned to have my bags packed so I could leave her house quickly if necessary, I can see we're going to be much closer going forward.

I'm leaking from the ocular area.

Stephanie

Hi Stephanie

  Let me commend you on your debut with family. I am so glad it worked out well for you. And yes, offering your mom's ring was an awesome gesture by your awesome sister.
  I am so happy for you that your coming out adventure turned out so good for you.

  I know that flight preparation with the suitcase well. I myself having done the same thing when I came out to my daughter and son in law. I did stay the night after a less than optimal reception of my news. The way things have developed on that front I probably should have just left after. Sometimes coming out to family works and sometimes it doesn't. I can only keep the door open just in case someone knocks. 

  As to leaky ocular plumbing, I have noticed a definite increase in mine leaking after beginning HRT and it has gotten even more pronounced since my GP doubled my dose. But I am sure it is just a coincidence, as the cause is more likely to be in the advanced age of the plumbing.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 11, 2017, 09:18:50 AM
> from your avatar pic it looks like you've done something similar?

The necklace in my avatar doesn't have any sentimental value - that one is from Amazon.

My mother often wears a necklace with a thunder egg (slice of polished volcanic rock) I bought for her when I was 16, first time I drove to Yellowstone.  She has never been there.  I went again eight years ago and was surprised to find the same small store at the same intersection in Jackson Wyoming.  I am going to take her there after we see the eclipse, to the store where I bought her necklace 38 years ago.

OMG OMG OMG!!

Laurie talked to me! If I could get my voice into that range I'd go, "SQUEEEEEEE!"

You've got to realize that I've been lurking here for a while, and Rachel Lynn, Michelle, MONNIE (yes, I'm sucking up by saying it correctly, so Nyah!), Kendra, even Laurie - along with far too many others to name, are like rock stars to this new groupie. Your determination and courage are always in the back of my thick noggin whenever I get discouraged or fearful.

I watch the banter between you all, and can see the love that underlies it. Nonono, don't try to deny it. I've longed to be part of that kind of sisterhood, so don't be surprised if I barge in occasionally.

Please excuse the hero worship. And don't let it go to your head.

Stephanie

Quote from: Kendra on August 11, 2017, 10:33:59 AM
I am going to take her there after we see the eclipse, to the store where I bought her necklace 38 years ago.

Oh, dang. There goes that ocular plumbing again. Sentimentality got to me even before the HRT, but now... who's going to mop this up?

I'm a pilot and am deeply entrenched in aviation, so when I started transitioning, I bought a necklace from Amazon with an airplane charm and a pendant that says, "On Brave Wings She Flies." It's a silly little source of courage, but I'll take any help I can get.

Sorry Kendra for highjacking your thread. Didn't mean to make it about me.

Stephanie

Stephanie, no worries.  This is about all of us.   

Rachel Lynn's forum name was updated to just Rachel a couple days ago - less typing for us  ;)

As for Laurie - ocular issues aside, gotta keep an eye on her. 

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 11, 2017, 10:47:26 AM
OMG OMG OMG!!

Laurie talked to me! If I could get my voice into that range I'd go, "SQUEEEEEEE!"

You've got to realize that I've been lurking here for a while, and Rachel Lynn, Michelle, MONNIE (yes, I'm sucking up by saying it correctly, so Nyah!), Kendra, even Laurie - along with far too many others to name, are like rock stars to this new groupie. Your determination and courage are always in the back of my thick noggin whenever I get discouraged or fearful.

I watch the banter between you all, and can see the love that underlies it. Nonono, don't try to deny it. I've longed to be part of that kind of sisterhood, so don't be surprised if I barge in occasionally.

Please excuse the hero worship. And don't let it go to your head.

Stephanie

  Stephanie,

  I am truly flattered. Thank you.  I am not too sure what to do with this celebrity status, but somehow it is there. *sigh*  Whatever, At least I am in good company. I do want everyone to know that I come here for the very same reasons everyone does. I came here for support and help and I still need that so I am still here. If my stories can help another struggling sister all the better. That is the other reason I am still here. I want to help others where I can.  I do not every want to be seen as someone that is unapproachable Stephanie. I am here for you and anyone else that I can help. Do not hesitate to comment on my posts. Do not think you cannot contact me personally by PM if you need to talk or just if you want to say hi. I say that not just to you Stephanie but to anyone here that feels a desire to share with me or us. I am positive that small group you named and many here feel the same way I do.
  You are here Stephanie and part of the family that is Susan's Place. Not come all the way inside, have a seat and get comfy. You should feel at home here as I do.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

  So what if this is Kendra's thread? She told me I could borrow it if I want to.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 11, 2017, 10:58:40 AM
Oh, dang. There goes that ocular plumbing again. Sentimentality got to me even before the HRT, but now... who's going to mop this up?

I'm a pilot and am deeply entrenched in aviation, so when I started transitioning, I bought a necklace from Amazon with an airplane charm and a pendant that says, "On Brave Wings She Flies." It's a silly little source of courage, but I'll take any help I can get.

Sorry Kendra for highjacking your thread. Didn't mean to make it about me.

Stephanie

Hi Steph

Welcome to the crazy part of the board...this thread along with another couple (don't tell Laurie) can be a little on the wandering side..... I bought a butterfly necklace the day I decided to transition. I hold that piece of jewellery as something special for a very special timer in my life. Its one of those very personal things

I need to unofficially warn you about some of the lunatics running around hiding in here...Kendra is likely to get punny with you and Davinia is just a powerhouse of puns, then you never know when Racael will pop up with a new name like Jessie...who knows and don't worry that's just the tip of the  sinking iceberg but welcome to the lunacy....
 

Quote from: Kendra on August 11, 2017, 10:33:59 AM
The necklace in my avatar doesn't have any sentimental value - that one is from Amazon.

My mother often wears a necklace with a thunder egg (slice of polished volcanic rock) I bought for her when I was 16, first time I drove to Yellowstone.  She has never been there.  I went again eight years ago and was surprised to find the same small store at the same intersection in Jackson Wyoming.  I am going to take her there after we see the eclipse, to the store where I bought her necklace 38 years ago.

Awwww Kendra that will be amazing. It is so great you are going to get to spend some fun time with her. I bet the eclipse will be an amazing experience on its own.  :D

Quote from: Laurie on August 11, 2017, 01:16:32 PM
I am truly flattered. Thank you.  I am not too sure what to do with this celebrity status, but somehow it is there ... If my stories can help another struggling sister all the better. That is the other reason I am still here. I want to help others where I can ... I am here for you and anyone else that I can help. Do not hesitate to comment on my posts. Do not think you cannot contact me personally by PM if you need to talk or just if you want to say hi. I say that not just to you Stephanie but to anyone here that feels a desire to share with me or us. I am positive that small group you named and many here feel the same way I do.

Who is this nice person who replied to me, and what have you done with Laurie? I came here for verbal abuse, and abuse I shall receive, dangit!

Seriously, Laurie, you already know that reading about others who are in front of you on the same path is incredibly therapeutic. Watching someone grow and get better gives those of us following you hope that we can get through the hard times and get better, too. You've received that help from reading other's stories, and now you're doing the giving. That's priceless. Anyone who donates the amount of time required to tell their story just to help others deserves to be considered a hero and celebrity. I hope to add my chronicles to the list some time, though I do have to go to work once in a while, so the amount of time required is hard to come by.

Laurie, I did receive your PM, but I've been limited on what I can do because I'm so new here. This should be the magical #15 post, so I should be off to the races now.

And thank you for helping us all.

Stephanie

PS: I can be a very silly person, and you would be wise to avoid associating with me. And I can be very spontaneous if you give me some time to think about it.

Quote from: ElizabethK on August 11, 2017, 06:28:19 PM
Welcome to the crazy part of the board...this thread along with another couple (don't tell Laurie) can be a little on the wandering side..... I bought a butterfly necklace the day I decided to transition. I hold that piece of jewellery as something special for a very special timer in my life. Its one of those very personal things

I need to unofficially warn you about some of the lunatics running around hiding in here...Kendra is likely to get punny with you and Davinia is just a powerhouse of puns, then you never know when Racael will pop up with a new name like Jessie...who knows and don't worry that's just the tip of the  sinking iceberg but welcome to the lunacy....

Thanks Liz,

I've been lurking here for a while, so I've been learning who to watch out for. I'm ready for 'em (I think?). Considering how serious what we're all dealing with can be at times, lunacy is great therapy. I'm likely to add some silliness myself, especially now that I've gotten through a few of the hardest parts of transitioning, and am feeling particularly joyful about it (acceptance by family is one - see earlier postings).

For those of us working our way through these particular challenges, this site is by far the best resource, with the best people, available on the internet. Everybody in the world is broken in one way or another, and those who dismiss and vilify us because they can't or won't understand our particular trials are missing out on knowing some of the coolest, most loving people on the planet. Their loss, and all I have to say to them is, "Pthththththth!" (That'll show 'em.)

Stephanie

Am I ever silly?  Seriously.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 14, 2017, 09:18:06 AM
> lunacy is great therapy

Maybe that's why I am driven to be at the center line of an eclipse.  Something to do with the moon.

Quote from: Kendra on August 14, 2017, 10:01:34 AM
Am I ever silly?  Seriously. Maybe that's why I am driven to be at the center line of an eclipse.  Something to do with the moon.

Yes.  We can howl at the sun and the moon at the same time.

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on August 14, 2017, 11:26:49 PM
Yes.  We can howl at the sun and the moon at the same time.

I can't make it to the total eclipse zone, so I guess I'll just moon the sun.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 14, 2017, 11:33:23 PM
so I guess I'll just moon the sun.

Don't forget the sun screen.   :D

Quote from: AnneK on August 15, 2017, 01:59:04 PM
Don't forget the sun screen.   :D

One of my roommates on basic training acquired the nickname "Buns" due to forgetting his sunscreen in a visit to Vancouver's nude beach.

That would cause a deep seated fear of sunburn.  A real bummer.

Quote from: Kendra on August 15, 2017, 03:37:54 PM
That would cause a deep seated fear of sunburn.  A real bummer.

That cracked me up!

Quote from: Kendra on August 15, 2017, 03:37:54 PM
That would cause a deep seated fear of sunburn.  A real bummer.

Really scraping bottom now...


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 15, 2017, 04:08:45 PM
That cracked me up!

  Enough with the wise cracks or I'll break out the liquid plumber and flush you all. Now where did I put that tub of butt crack putty?

Quote from: Laurie on August 15, 2017, 04:32:01 PM
  Enough with the wise cracks or I'll break out the liquid plumber and flush you all. Now where did I put that tub of butt crack putty?

I hope you can forgive me. Please turn the other cheek.

What a bunch of hams. I hope we can put this fundamental breech of etiquette behind us before we get a stern talking-to.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 15, 2017, 04:50:55 PM
What a bunch of hams. I hope we can put this fundamental breech of etiquette behind us before we get a stern talking-to.

  Stephanie you are as bad as Kendra, and Devyl lynn, and What's her name, and Cindy, and...., and ...

  You're going to fit right in with your tongue in cheeks humor.

Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on August 15, 2017, 04:59:19 PM
You're going to fit right in with your tongue in cheeks humor.

Ewwww.

I had a haunch that I'd end up the butt of a joke.

Now ain't you girls just being peachy. 

Quote from: Laurie on August 15, 2017, 04:32:01 PM
  Enough with the wise cracks or I'll break out the liquid plumber and flush you all.

I showed this thread to my wife, who I often refer to as "Ms. Word Person," due to her fondness for crossword puzzles and the like. She suggested I reply with:

Yes, Your Heiny-ess.

Gotta love 'er.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 16, 2017, 07:30:35 AM
I showed this thread to my wife, who I often refer to as "Ms. Word Person," due to her fondness for crossword puzzles and the like. She suggested I reply with:

Yes, Your Heiny-ess.

Gotta love 'er.

   Tell her good one. Applause Applause  But getting help is cheating unless she gets her own account.

Hugs for both,
   Laurie

I thought a crossword puzzle is when a Moderator frowns but is baffled.

Quote from: Kendra on August 16, 2017, 11:32:07 AM
I thought a crossword puzzle is when a Moderator frowns but is baffled.

I'm not sure I could be a moderator. It sounds like a hard scrabble existence.  It kind of boggles the mind.

Stephanie you almost have a monopoly on questionable puns.  At least I'm not board with this game as I shuffle away.

Quote from: Kendra on August 16, 2017, 12:36:31 PM
Stephanie you almost have a monopoly on questionable puns.  At least I'm not board with this game as I shuffle away.

It's a trivial pursuit, I know, and I don't have a clue why I do it. That's life, I guess.

BINGO!!   ;D

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on August 17, 2017, 03:08:53 PM
BINGO!!   ;D

Dang! I thought I'd gotten the last shot! Good one, Julie.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 ;D ;D ;D
It seemed so obvious.  And I thought it may have been used already.
Seems this portion of the thread is getting par-cheesy so I hope it get back on OP's intent.  Or it will become a shoots and ladder discussion.
So everyone please clue in or its check mate for you.

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on August 18, 2017, 12:00:51 AM
;D ;D ;D
It seemed so obvious.  And I thought it may have been used already.
Seems this portion of the thread is getting par-cheesy so I hope it get back on OP's intent.  Or it will become a shoots and ladder discussion.
So everyone please clue in or its check mate for you.

Well that's it, Julie. Looks like everyone else tapped out. You win the Internet. The bad news is, you won the Internet.

Stephanie

Like a house of cards.  No dice.  ;)

  WoW (World of Warcraft), I have been Trion to get comfortable on this Game of Thrones while I play a Star Wars Match Game. But alas The Jedi Returns and I'm once again Lost In Space.  BTW no one has a Monopoly on this thread.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on August 19, 2017, 11:31:50 PM
  WoW (World of Warcraft), I have been Trion to get comfortable on this Game of Thrones while I play a Star Wars Match Game. But alas The Jedi Returns and I'm once again Lost In Space.  BTW no one has a Monopoly on this thread.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Aaaand... It's back on.

Today, five weeks after coming out to my parents the three of us saw the total eclipse.  Perfect weather and temperature at a location in the center line of the eclipse, doing something together I didn't even imagine before that conversation on July 16.  At the time I was mainly concerned about how to carry on after setting off the transgender bomb - it didn't occur to me that would draw us closer together.

I took a week off work, hit the road with my parents four days ago.  But before we got in the car, since it was time for my estrogen patch (2x per week) I had my mom place it on my hip - I showed her how.  I've been looking for subtle ways to show them the changes I am going through and the medical topics driving it.

After a day's drive and nice stay in Kalispell Montana we headed into Glacier National Park which neither of them had seen before.  We drove Going to the Sun Road on our way to the eclipse - that really is the name of the road with the best views of the park.  The road was built in the early 1930s and has incredible sweeping views of mountain scenery out of a storybook, each time you think something can't get better you drive around the next bend.  After that we headed south to some small historic towns, Virginia City Montana, and then into Yellowstone for just a couple hours (we will spend all of tomorrow there).  My mother hadn't been to Yellowstone and never imagined she would get to see it.  My dad last visited when he was 18.  A large bear showed up as they were about to pitch a tent so he slept under a 1939 Plymouth.  I took a picture of my dad standing next to the Madison River where he went fly fishing in 1949.  And then we drove to the small town of Rigby Idaho where I had rented a house (AirBnB) to see the eclipse. 

A total eclipse is difficult to describe.  This isn't just about the sun turning into a ring, much like transition isn't just surgery.  For a half hour the landscape looks like someone is gradually turning down the voltage of the sun.  The 80 degree (27c) August summer heat diminishes and it gets colder outside - really cold - and the birds get quieter.  We were on a rolling lawn which was now an eerie shade of green.  And then it hits.  When you see that perfect ring in the sky you cannot avoid letting out a gasp.  It is 11:30am in Idaho and we are looking at stars.  The entire horizon is suddenly an orange sunset - the entire 360 degree horizon.  And that beautiful, gorgeous ring in the center of the sky where the sun just was.  A reminder we should never take anything for granted.

I didn't want to waste time messing with cameras but I snapped just a few with my Nikon and one turned out quite well - the one I uploaded here.

And then an immense brilliant spark of white on the edge of the ring and the total eclipse was over, time to put the solar glasses back on.  I wanted those two minutes to last forever but of course that wouldn't be right - the earth's surface temperature would drop disastrously, weather systems would go ballistic.  But the absolute beauty and wonder of those two minutes are burned into my mind. 

To see something impossibly transformed, so wonderful I can't quite describe it.  And yes, exactly one month after starting hormone therapy.  That is what I experienced today. 

Kendra

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/qia0q30nnmimrvr/Eclipse.JPG?raw=1)

Ocular leakage Kendra, and not from looking into the sun.

Just... wonderful.

Stephanie

Gorgeous Kendra!!!

We had no viewing due to gray skies :(

sure got dark though!!!!

My husband was up in the Bay Area and got to see it though!!!

Onward!!!

A 😀❤️🌻

Quote from: tgirlamc on August 21, 2017, 11:11:29 PM

We had no viewing due to gray skies :(

This is the best we got in central Florida. I had my old refractor scope set up with a projection screen, but my favorite shot was when some clouds obscured the sun just enough for a stopped-down direct shot from my phone.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170822/a39a6c06f68c59ce3a2d63ae6d25c949.jpg)

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 21, 2017, 11:33:33 PM
This is the best we got in central Florida. I had my old refractor scope set up with a projection screen, but my favorite shot was when some clouds obscured the sun just enough for a stopped-down direct shot from my phone.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170822/a39a6c06f68c59ce3a2d63ae6d25c949.jpg)

Stephanie

Very Cool Steph!!! 😀❤️🌻!!!!

One last thing, then Kendra can have her thread back. Here's some fun data from my weather station. The temperature drop lags just behind the solar radiation...

Steph

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170822/c9707bf786c8d4cb6ca457482971949d.jpg)

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 22, 2017, 12:01:20 AM
Here's some fun data from my weather station.

I like you already Steph! 😀!!!!

Onward we go!!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

Hi Kendra,

  That was a wonderful description and a wonderful story. Enjoy your day in Yellowstone tomorrow. I was there a few years ago and a geyser ate my hat. It was a nice felt cowboy hat that my friends in Mizzeri bought for me for my birthday. A gust of wind came up and blew it right off my head and into a geyser near Old Faithful. Sure hope no such mishaps befall you or your Mom and Dad while you are there. and oh, don't try petting the wildlife, they may eat you and we want you back here and back to work.

Hugs for all three of you.

   Laurie

 :-*

Quote from: Kendra on July 16, 2017, 06:55:37 PMMy speech therapist had a brutally simple but true observation based on her experience with clients.  This is when you will find out if your parents truly love you.  She has seen a "redneck in a cowboy hat" totally embrace their child coming out as transgender without hesitation.  She has seen people you would expect to understand, just not get it at all.  She has given up trying to predict.  She said just do it and then I will know.

I've read hundreds of stories like that, online and in books.  About half of the transpeople I've spoken with did, too. I wonder how my friends will handle it; they won't freak out, I hope, they're a liberal bunch.  But you never know.

My Mom knew I was wearing her stuff when I was in my teens, I didn't get the whole "cover your tracks" thing.  She never brought it up, I'm pretty certain she'd be supportive of what I'm doing now.  Same with my Dad, once we were done shouting enough.   ;D  "He's what?  Huh?"  They're gone now, though.

Kendra, that was a beautiful description of the eclipse.  How nice that you got to enjoy it with your parents!  And a great photo to remember it by.

Steph, as another weather nerd, that graph is fascinating!

Ashley, sorry to hear your weather didn't cooperate.  I wasn't sure with my location - scattered clouds the day before and thunderstorms later in the week.  The day of the eclipse, no clouds anywhere and only a bit of smoke from forest fires in Montana which actually added to the 360 degree orange glow on the horizon.  Got lucky.

Stephanie that's an interesting graph, I'd never seen one.  The temperature drop I experienced seemed more drastic but that's probably due to UV radiation dropping or something like that.  My hands and feet were very cold.  But I have been much pickier about temperature after starting HRT... maybe the estradiol patch needs a warning to wear long sleeve shirt during a total eclipse.

Laurie I survived Yellowstone today.  Didn't see Yogi Bear.  One ornery bison blocked the road in front of my car on the northeast edge of the park (very little traffic there), I waited about 3 minutes for it to pick a lane as it was slowly wandering down the center line... finally found a safe place to drive slowly past it.  The thing turned its huge head and almost touched the car door - my dad's window was open.  Eeek.

 Yeah them wild animals wandering around there just don't follow the rules of engagement at all.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Kendra on August 23, 2017, 12:22:37 AM

Stephanie that's an interesting graph, I'd never seen one.  The temperature drop I experienced seemed more drastic but that's probably due to UV radiation dropping or something like that.  My hands and feet were very cold.

A bigger drop makes sense, not only since you were in the area of totality, but also because Rigby is over 4800 feet above sea level. My area had about 86% occlusion, and I'm at 60 feet. Plus, it's Florida in August! When the heat goes down, the relative humidity goes up.

On the other hand, some of it may have been imaginary. Here are the graphs for Ririe, ID, just east of Rigby.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170823/ad7a2d9a536276d37ef6d9319375a574.jpg)

The wind did drop a little, too, but not much.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170823/a7785bc40eb3aa47049f250e21f87028.jpg)

I was surprised at how light it still was here with only 14% of the sun showing. I'm beginning to think that thing's even brighter than an Atomic Beam flashlight!

Quote

  But I have been much pickier about temperature after starting HRT... maybe the estradiol patch needs a warning to wear long sleeve shirt during a total eclipse.

That's on page 42 of the drug interaction sheets, under "Solar/Lunar/Terran Phenomena."

Geeky Steph [emoji68]

Hey, H.....E.....Y, you mean girls won't let a buddy know you folks are having fun over here? I left this thread when Kendra was telling her very touching story. Now I find out you all are getting all giggly about weather charts and stuff. Really? I guess I'll go out in the backyard and eat worms.
Moni  :o    :(   :embarrassed:






>:-)

Quote from: HappyMoni on August 23, 2017, 05:25:50 PM
Hey, H.....E.....Y, you mean girls won't let a buddy know you folks are having fun over here? I left this thread when Kendra was telling her very touching story. Now I find out you all are getting all giggly about weather charts and stuff. Really? I guess I'll go out in the backyard and eat worms.
Moni  :o    :(   :embarrassed:


>:-)

I want to watch... I'll bring a shovel...  :angel: :angel: ;D

Quote from: HappyMoni on August 23, 2017, 05:25:50 PM

Hey, H.....E.....Y, you mean girls won't let a buddy know you folks are having fun over here? I left this thread when Kendra was telling her very touching story. Now I find out you all are getting all giggly about weather charts and stuff. Really? I guess I'll go out in the backyard and eat worms.
Moni  :o    :(   :embarrassed:

Geek girls only. Everyone else can eat worms.

Sheesh, she leaves us alone so we have to make our own fun, and now she's getting all moanie about it.

Stephanie

I was just getting ready for breakfast!!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fworking-worms.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2008%2F12%2Fmrr-worms.jpg%3F562b68&hash=c7426581fadc7a9c77a389ce82628d265098d39b)

Quote from: Cindy on August 23, 2017, 05:48:23 PM
I was just getting ready for breakfast!!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fworking-worms.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2008%2F12%2Fmrr-worms.jpg%3F562b68&hash=c7426581fadc7a9c77a389ce82628d265098d39b)

Don't waste those on her Cindy. Let's go fishing!!

Quote from: Laurie on August 23, 2017, 05:53:52 PM
Don't waste those on her Cindy. Let's go fishing!!

Mmmm. Hard to find good gagh nowadays.

And if you don't know what that means, you ain't no geek girl.

Steph

Quote from: Cindy on August 23, 2017, 05:48:23 PM
I was just getting ready for breakfast!!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fworking-worms.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2008%2F12%2Fmrr-worms.jpg%3F562b68&hash=c7426581fadc7a9c77a389ce82628d265098d39b)

Oh I see you found my 'Uncle Wigley.'  Ha, take that for a board game reference! My work here is done. Good Day. I said Good Day mean girl geeks!!!!!
Moni

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 23, 2017, 07:00:45 PM
Mmmm. Hard to find good gagh nowadays.

And if you don't know what that means, you ain't no geek girl.

Steph

  Do I look like a Klingon or something?

Quote from: Laurie on August 23, 2017, 08:39:11 PM
  Do I look like a Klingon or something?

Geekiness confirmed!

Quote from: Laurie on August 23, 2017, 02:16:15 AM
Yeah them wild animals wandering around there just don't follow the rules of engagement at all.

Hugs,
   Laurie

I hear that's what Moni said when Laurie showed up.

Quote from: Kendra on August 24, 2017, 12:07:10 PM
I hear that's what Moni said when Laurie showed up.

Where's my like button? [emoji106]

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Kendra,
   You have lost control of your thread. What do Klingons have to do with telling your parents? Are you like half Vulcan or something? How are things with the parents?
Moni
PS Never talk Klingons with someone who wipes behinds for a living.

Quote from: Kendra on August 21, 2017, 11:02:50 PM
Today, five weeks after coming out to my parents the three of us saw the total eclipse.  Perfect weather and
Kendra

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/qia0q30nnmimrvr/Eclipse.JPG?raw=1)

Its been awhile since I caught up with the lunacy here...sounds like you had a great time away and good you are able to have the interaction with your parents. Glad you had such a great time and a fantastic pic as well

Yes ;) even with the forum lunacy we had an incredible trip, and for the final stretch drove from the northeast corner of Yellowstone over a crazy-high 11,000 foot (3,300m) mountain pass and stayed in Billings Montana.  And then from there back to Washington State mostly on scenic back roads.  I arrived home today after dropping them off and spending the night at their place. 

This morning I explained why I never had to shave this trip - or at all for more than a year.  Electrolysis was a foreign concept to my dad but I figured my mom would have at least heard about it at some point during her long lifetime, and she had no idea such a thing existed.  They were both startled when I explained electrolysis was invented more than 100 years ago.  (Notice I didn't say shocked, that would be too cheap a pun.)   

Moni, LOL - squeaky clean as usual.

 Hi Kendra,


   I love when you take about your parents and it's great that you are able to see them as often as you do. Having them accept you as they have obviously done strengthens you and your conviction to who you are. I am sure it has been a huge culture shock for them. Being able to explain what is going on within you not only enlightens them, but helps you to better understand yourself.
  Not that you did not have a sound understanding of yourself before. I discovered this in you when we met and admired you for it.   But I am also sure you have some small hidden cracks that can use sealing. If and when you need someone too hold your cement slurry for you while you work please remember my number. I probably can't do much more than that but I'm willing to try.

Hugs,
   Laurie

  (note to self: Kendra is a good name yes but not appropriate for conversation.... must think of an appropriate nickname... possibly Kenundra? Has possibilities)

Oh no... there goes Lauree mangling names again. ;) I hope you don't get to my parents before I ask them to choose my new middle name.

Quote from: Kendra on August 25, 2017, 12:43:58 PM
Oh no... there goes Lauree mangling names again. ;) I hope you don't get to my parents before I ask them to choose my new middle name.

Now Kenundra, you know a nickname is a term of endearment.

Your parents are safe for now I only have a general idea of their location....

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on August 25, 2017, 02:28:59 AM
  (note to self: Kendra is a good name yes but not appropriate for conversation.... must think of an appropriate nickname... possibly Kenundra? Has possibilities)

Kenundrum
Kenabunkport
Kendollbabe
Kendo  and variances
Obe Wan...

run Julie run

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on August 25, 2017, 10:45:02 PM
Kenundrum
Kenabunkport
Kendollbabe
Kendo  and variances
Obe Wan...

It's certainly a Kenundra conundrum.

Staph, I mean Steph

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on August 25, 2017, 10:45:02 PM
Kenundrum
Kenabunkport
Kendollbabe
Kendo  and variances
Obe Wan...

run Julie run

That's the spirit Julie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 25, 2017, 10:48:32 PM
It's certainly a Kenundra conundrum.

Staph, I mean Steph

   Kenundra = Female form of conundrum.

;D

Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on August 25, 2017, 11:19:08 PM
   Kenundra = Female form of conundrum.

;D

Laurie

Kenundra = tundra in Kenada  or is it Kenya

Kendra tell your parents we are glad they accepted things so well and I, FOR ONE, am sorry we have just so completely hijacked your wonderful thread.  Well not really too sorry.  But a happy ending is good.

It's all good - this thread is for everyone (even crazy moderators).  No Keniption fit here.

When I came out to my parents in mid July I didn't bring up my new first name.  I would have, but my gender therapist suggested don't try to do everything at once - break it into easier to digest pieces.  I also considered bringing up the name topic during our road trip to see the eclipse and several national parks but didn't want the risk.  But I can't wait too long.  I saw them this weekend and really enjoyed the time together.  We looked through pictures of the recent trip. 

So I told them my first name is Kendra and explained why.  Maybe I am unusual but my birth name (Ken) doesn't bother me at all, it just needs a tune-up.  I told them I will actually miss the fact Ken is a Japanese name and has a Kanji character, a name that fits both cultures.  I know this might sound trivial but considering how carefully they picked my name I was worried they might get offended.  No worries, they understood and are totally fine with it.  Huge sigh of relief for me. 

So next step.  I told my parents I want them to choose my middle name, and no rush - take your time.  I expected them to come up with something Japanese as a counterpart to Kendra.  I figured my mom would find something and my dad would go along with it. 

To my shock my dad immediately answered "Faye. Your middle name should be Faye with an e."  I was unprepared for that so I blurted out - I reminded him he hates that name.  He said no not at all - he likes it as a female name.  I'll explain.

My father's middle name is Fay.  In school during the 1930s and 40s he was teased incessantly about his name - a translation of Fairy.  Fay was supposedly the male form of Faye but that didn't matter - I have always known him to answer "F" when people ask for his middle name.  When people ask what does "F" stand for his answer is "F" and the edge in his voice implies don't ask a third time.  I haven't heard my dad say this name in almost half a century, and this is the first time I heard him say it with kindness.

My mom thinks it's a great idea.  Done.

I thanked them and kept my composure pretty much.  I really cried later. 

My next endocrinologist appointment is at the end of this month.  I'm going to bring the forms to get my drivers license and passport updated.

Kendra Fay F0wles

You missed that "e" on your signature.  I like Faye, it suits you. :icon_yes:

I like the Gaelic spelling, but that doesn't work for names.

Just don't use "Fey" that translated to some Germanic languages means "fated to die". :icon_yikes:

Quote from: Kendra on September 04, 2017, 06:22:32 PM

When I came out to my parents in mid July I didn't bring up my new first name...

So I told them my first name is Kendra and explained why.  Maybe I am unusual but my birth name (Ken) doesn't bother me at all, it just needs a tune-up.

Kendra Fay F0wles

Your parents are awesome, Kendra Faye.

Like you, I don't have a problem with my given name (Stephen, usually shortened to Steve), and feminizing it makes everything easier.

By coincidence, when your update arrived I was just finishing an email update on my life to my Mom, and decided to push the envelope a little by ending with this:

Quote

And here's another baby step. I'm signing off as:

Steph

Signing off...

Steph

Artesia I can't believe I just typed Fay instead of Faye... that's pretty funny.  I guess in my mind it really is my dad's middle name but with an adjustment for me (hold still for easy-chair electrolysis, add a bit of HRT). 

Steph, awesome!

Alright I'll spell my own name correctly.  I better get it right on my passport, those are expensive to reprint.

Kendra Faye F0wles

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 04, 2017, 06:47:29 PM

I was just finishing an email update on my life to my Mom, and decided to push the envelope a little by ending with this:

And here's another baby step. I'm signing off as:

Steph

Oh jeeze, I got a reply already:

Quote

Please keep us updated and remember we love you!!!!!  It will take some time for me to call you Steph - but I can do it.

Cue the ocular leakage...

Steph

Awww Steph, your mom is so sweet. 

Quote from: Kendra on September 04, 2017, 11:34:29 PM

Awww Steph, your mom is so sweet.

Well, this has been quite the day. I had sent the same email update to my sister. In part of her reply she included this:

Quote

It will be a hard habit to break, but I hope it's ok if I start thinking about you as my sister and "her" and "she".

Um... let...  me... think...  about...   thisyesofcourseit'sok!

My wife wants to know why I'm leaking again.

Steph

My parents are supportive but have never seen me as Kendra until now.  They live in the US half the year and in Thailand the other half.  This photo was taken a few minutes after we met up in Osaka Japan.  My mom was astonished and very happy.  My dad is too, but he walked right by and didn't recognize me at first.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/0nszne1v1g6ex3k/2018-04-02%2022.19.10.jpg?raw=1)
Kendra, mom, dad

We took a train to Kanazawa and passed Lake Biwa on the way.  My dad mentioned the last time he went by Lake Biwa his car was only 5 years old but pretty worn out, a 1950 Ford.  Broke two springs and a motor mount. Rural roads in Japan were gravel if they were good, otherwise mud and rock and occasionally driving through small rivers where there was no bridge.  Maybe that helps him understand my transition.  Not everything has to stay the same.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/ukxl423wi2f64kp/2018-04-03%2012.45.54.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/dxrwgqisra1mkz5/2018-04-03%2013.31.38.jpg?raw=1)
Lake Biwa in the distance

I rented an AirBnB in Kanazawa.  Kanazawa is on the west coast, not as heavily developed.  The previous time my mom visited Kanazawa was about 70 years ago.  We timed this trip to avoid peak vacation season in Japan but still able to see the cherry blossoms.  The scenery is even more stunning for me as my first springtime on HRT.  The colors, scenery, and enjoying life - finding ways to get through the rough roads to enjoy the good parts.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/nn8de75whl8reof/2018-04-03%2017.30.38.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/3c7rg9wg6ce0up3/2018-04-03%2017.31.28.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/7xvdmaz4chgqmca/2018-04-03%2017.52.11.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/fbgt02ytzfbpdo3/2018-04-03%2017.56.07.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/a72edarsjkqf4dk/2018-04-03%2017.58.26.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/gy88g88i5ufi873/2018-04-03%2017.48.18.jpg?raw=1)
Kendra, dad, mom

Great pictures Kendra!  It's great that their first meeting of the real you went so well.

Hugs, Jess

That's way cool


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

What a beautiful event and setting, with cherry blossoms!   Sakura, symbol of rebirth, so appropriate.

Kendra IS Sakura.

Absolutely lovely.

Visited a neighborhood where several Samurai used to live, and went inside one house.  After that we headed over to 兼六園 (Kenroku-en), a huge garden continuously maintained near Kanazawa Castle since the 17th century.  I am so glad to have experienced this with HRT in my system... on a spring day, with parents I had previously assumed would reject my transition.  I can't quite adequately describe the beauty of this experience.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/mgvzc15kk4304sn/2018-04-05%2010.15.23.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/pvogd64f3si42ac/2018-04-05%2012.53.09.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/pt6lf2s2rul2iz3/2018-04-05%2013.16.48.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/imp1ltrq23ahqrx/2018-04-05%2014.23.58.jpg?raw=1)

After lunch in the town's market area we went to Higashi Chaya, the Geisha counterpart to a Samurai neighborhood. 

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/uh4kpwws8ktly08/2018-04-05%2015.50.40.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/i3d51c3jz7ot1n9/2018-04-05%2016.12.06.jpg?raw=1)

We went inside Shima Teahouse which has a well preserved 200 year old interior. 

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/6dp8xb25nymix9n/2018-04-05%2015.23.57.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/qfb9n12pa0t8jiq/2018-04-05%2015.47.15.jpg?raw=1)

My first trip to Japan was 1969 and I have been here many times but this is the first time I've rented a car.  Trains are normally the best way to get around, but a few rural areas are out of reach by train.  We drove all the way around the Noto Peninsula - a combination of great ocean scenery and meticulously maintained fishing villages.

The following day we took the Shinkansen train from Kanazawa to Hakodate, on Japan's northern island where my mother was born.  I had made the trip by ferry in the 1970s.  For this trip we took a tunnel under the ocean.  15 miles (23km) of this train route is 800 feet (250m) below the ocean's surface. 

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/fauvrj432brqf7y/2018-04-07%2012.10.25.jpg?raw=1)

In Hakodate I experienced two great things I had never imagined before coming out.  Last night my mom and I went to a public women's-only hot springs bath.  She was planning go and was surprised when I said I'd go too.  Once there, everything felt normal and right.  Thanks to many hours of electrolysis, GCS, and increasing effects of HRT I blended in just fine. 

This morning my dad said "we should have had a daughter sooner."  I had to look away so they wouldn't see me quietly cry with happiness in a restaurant.  Moments I'll remember.

Quote from: Kendra on April 08, 2018, 01:29:34 AMThis morning my dad said "we should have had a daughter sooner."  I had to look away so they wouldn't see me quietly cry with happiness in a restaurant.  Moments I'll remember.

I'm crying with you, Kendra (literally... I'm a mess). That may be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Seriously, that post should have had a warning label for "Emotional Content". (Or is it "Emotional Contentment?")

Stephanie

PS: I love your hair!

Kendra, that is a beautiful story, with beautiful pictures, and I love your parents.  But this...

Quote from: Kendra on April 08, 2018, 01:29:34 AM
This morning my dad said "we should have had a daughter sooner."  I had to look away so they wouldn't see me quietly cry with happiness in a restaurant.  Moments I'll remember.

... made me cry, too.  Wow!  Just wow!  What a lovely thing for your dad to say!

Wow, what a sweet thing for him to say!

Can't see pics for some reason.

Wow, Japan is beautiful. I've always been interested in Hokkaido. Have you been up that way or northern Honshū? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

Quote from: Gertrude on April 08, 2018, 10:06:42 AM
Wow, Japan is beautiful. I've always been interested in Hokkaido. Have you been up that way or northern Honshū? 

I left Hokkaido this morning - my parents are coming back to the US on a different schedule.  We took a day trip to Sapporo yesterday, stopped on the way back in a small fishing village where my mom was born.  First time I had sushi was in Hokkaido, I was 6 years old.  I remember a train ride in Hokkaido a few years after that (1973) where I complained to my mom how slow the train was, the seats were wood with no padding.  That train line was decommissioned two years later - it was the last steam train in Japan used for regular passenger service.

Japan is beautiful but I didn't take or upload photos of areas that are not as interesting - the jumble of buildings in many cities.  Cherry blossoms are a bonus if the timing is right.