I am wanting to say first off I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I was when I was 14/15. I also am in therapy for anxiety and OCD. For the last few weeks I have been thinking and worrying I might be transgender. I met a transgender woman in my group therapy and IDK if that is where it started. I would think, " Am I transgender? ". And that is where all of it would spiral out. As far as I know, I have never questioned my gender. I mean I would ask why I am not as girly as my sister, I have self imagery issues with my boobs being two different sizes and before I went on birth control, I would have irregular periods. I am 27 right now. My parents have told me I never had any bad things about being a girl when I was little. My psychologist has told me that people who are transgender know from a early age that something is different about them. And I have been told and read that they feel different about their bodies and don't feel right with them. As far as I know, I have never thought about having a penis or be on testosterone. I have not had thoughts about having a male brain as far as I know. I haven't had thoughts of cutting off my boobs for a flat chest. I already have a flat chest and my boobs aren't even that big. At this point I am just really tired and feel anxious a lot. I felt as if my anxiety and OCD or whatever all of this was for me was getting better and then BOOM. this happens. I know it would not be a bad thing if I was trans or wanted to be a guy etc. But....as far as I know.....I never thought that way. It's all so confusing.
Well, first of all, not everybody knows or suspects that they're trans from an early age. Some people figure it out as teens, or as adults. That doesn't necessarily mean that you are trans, though. And even if you were trans, that wouldn't mean you'd have to run out and get surgery and hormones any time soon, or ever.
When I was beginning to suspect I was trans, I experimented with my gender expression for a while. I picked up some guys' clothes and wore them around the house to see how that felt. Then I tried wearing them out and about. When that felt ****ing awesome, I cut my hair into an androgynous style and got less feminine glasses. That felt great too--like finally being let out of a very small cell. The further I've gone in my transition, the better I've felt.
Gender non-conforming women are relatively lucky in that society doesn't freak out as much when they present masculine as it does when men present feminine. I suggest you use that comparative freedom to try out different styles of dressing, hair, etc. If it feels like an amazing rebirth, you might be trans. If it's just kind of meh, you probably aren't. Definitely work through your feelings with your therapist, either way.
Good luck, and happy experimenting!
Welcome to Susan's Place. Your therapist is incorrect about us knowing at an early age. I didn't figure it out until I was age 13 and we have members currently on the site who are just figuring it out at age 60. For those of us who figure it out latter, there tends to be a trigger that starts us thinking in that direction. The trigger can be anything but you will know what it was. Most of us can look at our life before the trigger and see thing that weren't normal in our life. It could be not enjoying something or preferring to do something.
The question you will need to answer is would you be happier as a man or a woman. When you know the answer to that, you will know what to do.
Things that you should read
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Quote from: Dena on October 26, 2017, 12:27:00 AM
Welcome to Susan's Place. Your therapist is incorrect about us knowing at an early age. I didn't figure it out until I was age 13 and we have members currently on the site who are just figuring it out at age 60. For those of us who figure it out latter, there tends to be a trigger that starts us thinking in that direction. The trigger can be anything but you will know what it was. Most of us can look at our life before the trigger and see thing that weren't normal in our life. It could be not enjoying something or preferring to do something.
The question you will need to answer is would you be happier as a man or a woman. When you know the answer to that, you will know what to do.
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Now I just feel more confused. As far as I know.....I have never thought of having a penis or wanting to be a man. And what I mean by my therapist is that she says that they always knew....and that it came from an early age. Its not when someone decides they are transgender but knowing the feelings you feel. Now at this point IDK if all of this is real or if its my OCD/anxiety. Within the last few months I have had thoughts of being a violent person. I have had thoughts/feelings of not loving my parents. I have had thoughts/feeling of being gay/bi. And yet I have felt some arousal towards this guy I know.
I just miss being happy. i feel like all this is saying is i am trans and I should just accept it. I never have screamed at the top of my lung...." I HATE BEING A GIRL!!!" AS far as I know I have never felt anxious about being a girl except maybe not being very feminine.
As far as I know I have never had the wish of waking up as a guy. I have never thought about me being a guy in the future. All I want is some peace. These last 4-5 months have been hell for me. Going through feelings of whether or not I love this guy who is in my life, whether or not I love my parents, whether or not I am gay/bi: even though I have felt some aroused feelings toward same guy, then questioning if I am transgender. I honestly dont think I have had a real moment of peace. And it just makes me sad. I has made me tired.
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 26, 2017, 12:38:54 AMAnd what I mean by my therapist is that she says that they always knew....and that it came from an early age.
Well, just from a factual standpoint, that's not true. Some people figure it out later than others. None of that means you have to be trans, though.
If you'll tolerate my totally non-professional opinion though, it sounds as if you are probably not trans. Or gay/bi. Or an unloving child. It sounds like you are so scared of those things being true that you've become half-convinced that they are. Just because you're afraid of something doesn't mean it will come to pass. Sometimes I get scared I have cancer. That will not magically give me cancer.
Has your therapist given you any suggestions about what to do when obsessive anxious thoughts begin to take hold?
Sweetie, feel free to tell your therapist about me.. I hadn't a clue until I was 44, not a jot of an idea, and even so it's not a cut and dried 'I'm mtf', I'm somewhere in the middle - these are all spectrums.
How would you feel if someone said that you were bisexual, or bigender.?
Rowan
Count me in. I didnt experience full dysphoira until age 13. She is clearly not trained in gender identity
The sexuality thing hasnt bothered me as much. The transgender thing has been causing me non stop grief and anxiety. I just feel more confused now more than ever. And if she is trained in gender identity I dont know. I am not against being transgender or am in no way discriminatory. But now I just feel even more confused. I felt as if I was doing ok.....and now all of this has happened. And now IDK what to even believe in who I am now.
God a few weeks ago I felt as I was getting a little better....I was starting to feel maybe a little happier...Up until this point I barely ever if maybe never had a thought of being transgender and now......all I feel now is confused and stressed and idk....I felt as if I was happy 2 years ago and now....I just dont want to cry anymore....
While only you can decide for yourself what you are or are not, keep a few things in mind...
First, as others have said, a lot, perhaps most, people don't know they are transgender until well past the cliche of the 5 year old boldly declaring they are the gender opposite their assigned gender at birth.
Second, being transgender is not about feeling you want/don't want a penis/vagina, or breasts, or a masculine body or a feminine body or any of that. Those feelings are symptoms that vary person to person.
Third, it is a very, very broad spectrum. Even if you decide you are transgender, it doesn't mean you have to do anything, or that you want to be a man or don't want to be a woman, and generally comes with no requirements and expectations attached. It doesn't even mean that you have to commit to a single point on the spectrum, and you are free to move along it as you feel you need, or even abandon it entirely. There are people who never transition, people who transition to various degrees, people who simply cross dress and find comfort in being their assigned gender while expressing opposite gender traits or androgynous traits.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter what your label is. Just do what you feel you need to do to be happy. (That doesn't involve felonies anyway. ;)) The important thing is not whether or not you are transgender, or gay or bi, or anything else... it's that you are you, and you are true to yourself. Now of course finding out what you need to do to be true to yourself is easier said than done. It has taken many people decades or entire lifetimes to come to terms with themselves, and some never do, and that isn't something limited to gender and sexuality issues in the slightest. But don't let that be discouraging. That's just sort of how life works, we are in a constant state of self exploration and looking for ways to find what truly makes us happy, and often what does make us happy will change over time so you have to do some even more exploring when that time comes.
(Look at me, talking like I know anything about life. ;D)
Quote from: Roll on October 26, 2017, 11:43:44 AM
While only you can decide for yourself what you are or are not, keep a few things in mind...
First, as others have said, a lot, perhaps most, people don't know they are transgender until well past the cliche of the 5 year old boldly declaring they are the gender opposite their assigned gender at birth.
Second, being transgender is not about feeling you want/don't want a penis/vagina, or breasts, or a masculine body or a feminine body or any of that. Those feelings are symptoms that vary person to person.
Third, it is a very, very broad spectrum. Even if you decide you are transgender, it doesn't mean you have to do anything, or that you want to be a man or don't want to be a woman, and generally comes with no requirements and expectations attached. It doesn't even mean that you have to commit to a single point on the spectrum, and you are free to move along it as you feel you need, or even abandon it entirely. There are people who never transition, people who transition to various degrees, people who simply cross dress and find comfort in being their assigned gender while expressing opposite gender traits or androgynous traits.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter what your label is. Just do what you feel you need to do to be happy. (That doesn't involve felonies anyway. ;)) The important thing is not whether or not you are transgender, or gay or bi, or anything else... it's that you are you, and you are true to yourself. Now of course finding out what you need to do to be true to yourself is easier said than done. It has taken many people decades or entire lifetimes to come to terms with themselves, and some never do, and that isn't something limited to gender and sexuality issues in the slightest. But don't let that be discouraging. That's just sort of how life works, we are in a constant state of self exploration and looking for ways to find what truly makes us happy, and often what does make us happy will change over time so you have to do some even more exploring when that time comes.
(Look at me, talking like I know anything about life. ;D)
I guess I was just starting to feel as if my anxiety and everything I was dealing with was getting a little better. That was starting to feel somewhat happy. And then all of this washed over me and now I just feel so confused. As far as I know I have never disliked being a girl. Yes I wish my chest was the same size....but like....I know I am not a really feminine girl. I wear a lot of jeans and tennis shoes and anime shirts and geeky stuff. I never as far as I know was bothered by wearing makeup...I know I am more masculine than feminine. But I was never bothered by my name except when people misspelled it a lot. And I would be sad in not finding my name in gift shops but....I never disliked my name in a feminine sense. I know I never had thoughts of, "Oh I want to be a boy!!!" It just never as far as I know crossed my mind....All I want in my life is to be a good person....
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 25, 2017, 11:50:40 PM
I am wanting to say first off I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I was when I was 14/15. I also am in therapy for anxiety and OCD. For the last few weeks I have been thinking and worrying I might be transgender. I met a transgender woman in my group therapy and IDK if that is where it started. I would think, " Am I transgender? ". And that is where all of it would spiral out. As far as I know, I have never questioned my gender. I mean I would ask why I am not as girly as my sister, I have self imagery issues with my boobs being two different sizes and before I went on birth control, I would have irregular periods. I am 27 right now. My parents have told me I never had any bad things about being a girl when I was little. My psychologist has told me that people who are transgender know from a early age that something is different about them. And I have been told and read that they feel different about their bodies and don't feel right with them. As far as I know, I have never thought about having a penis or be on testosterone. I have not had thoughts about having a male brain as far as I know. I haven't had thoughts of cutting off my boobs for a flat chest. I already have a flat chest and my boobs aren't even that big. At this point I am just really tired and feel anxious a lot. I felt as if my anxiety and OCD or whatever all of this was for me was getting better and then BOOM. this happens. I know it would not be a bad thing if I was trans or wanted to be a guy etc. But....as far as I know.....I never thought that way. It's all so confusing.
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too have Asperger syndrome, have struggled with anxiety & depression most of my life, and have started thinking I might be transgender... well, to be honest, I'm starting to think I am (100%) transgender. Recently I've been dating a lot of feminine/trans women, I was drawn to them. I don't hate being a boy, but I would be so much happier as a girl, I've never really felt happy with my body, and never really masculine enough, and now I know why.
There are plenty of people who find out they're trans later in life, and you
don't have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender, although now you're starting to question yourself, you might find that you start to feel dysphoric and unhappy about being female
Quote from: NinaW on October 26, 2017, 12:16:28 PM
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too have Asperger syndrome, have struggled with anxiety & depression most of my life, and have started thinking I might be transgender... well, to be honest, I'm starting to think I am (100%) transgender. Recently I've been dating a lot of feminine/trans women, I was drawn to them. I don't hate being a boy, but I would be so much happier as a girl, I've never really felt happy with my body, and never really masculine enough, and now I know why.
There are plenty of people who find out they're trans later in life, and you don't have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender, although now you're starting to question yourself, you might find that you start to feel dysphoric and unhappy about being female
i honestly dont know what to believe anymore....i never started questioning being transgender even in my 20s up until now....some of this seems have started after meeting a transgender woman....
Quote from: NinaW on October 26, 2017, 12:16:28 PM
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too have Asperger syndrome, have struggled with anxiety & depression most of my life, and have started thinking I might be transgender... well, to be honest, I'm starting to think I am (100%) transgender. Recently I've been dating a lot of feminine/trans women, I was drawn to them. I don't hate being a boy, but I would be so much happier as a girl, I've never really felt happy with my body, and never really masculine enough, and now I know why.
There are plenty of people who find out they're trans later in life, and you don't have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender, although now you're starting to question yourself, you might find that you start to feel dysphoric and unhappy about being female
The one thing I have always felt self conscious about was that my boobs were two different sizes. As far as I know growing up and and even now.....I know I have been more masculine than feminine. But as far as I know I have not felt dysphoric about my body....I never looked in the mirror and thought " Oh I want to be more masculine and be more of a guy..."
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 26, 2017, 12:24:33 PM
i honestly dont know what to believe anymore....i never started questioning being transgender even in my 20s up until now....some of this seems have started after meeting a transgender woman....
It's all quite new to you, so you don't need to rush when deciding/finding out what gender you are (I should take my own advice really). If you think you would be happier in the opposite sex, that's usually a big sign. As someone else as previously said, I would experiment, dress like a boy and see how it makes you feel
At this point idk if any of this all real or if it is my anxiety/OCD getting to me....within the last few months....I have had thoughts and feelings of not loving this guy who is in my life....I have had thoughts and feelings of not loving my parents....I have had thoughts and feelings of being a violent person...I have had thoughts and feelings of being gay/bi. And now this....I have not felt happy in MONTHS.....way before all of this ever started...And I was getting over those things I mentioned before.....and now ALLL of a sudden this pops up and now I feel so confused now.....and who I am as a person....basically an identity crisis....
Well, even if you are trans, your core identity doesn't change. You are who you are. Most trans people actually feel more like themselves than ever once they start transitioning. So even if the "worst case" scenario is true and you are trans, that doesn't mean you're going to turn into a completely different person.
Again, my personal feeling is that you sound more like you're having anxiety/panic attacks than that you're trans. Really the only way to find out is to experiment, though. Get a guyish outfit together from your closet or the thrift store, and try it on. How do you feel? Better? Worse? The same? If you feel your anxiety diminishing, you might possibly be trans. If it doesn't help, then you're likely facing something else.
In any case, there's no need to freak out. You're far from having to make any big decisions right now.
Quote from: The Flying Lemur on October 26, 2017, 12:59:18 PM
Well, even if you are trans, your core identity doesn't change. You are who you are. Most trans people actually feel more like themselves than ever once they start transitioning. So even if the "worst case" scenario is true and you are trans, that doesn't mean you're going to turn into a completely different person.
Again, my personal feeling is that you sound more like you're having anxiety/panic attacks than that you're trans. Really the only way to find out is to experiment, though. Get a guyish outfit together from your closet or the thrift store, and try it on. How do you feel? Better? Worse? The same? If you feel your anxiety diminishing, you might possibly be trans. If it doesn't help, then you're likely facing something else.
In any case, there's no need to freak out. You're far from having to make any big decisions right now.
All I miss is being my weird and geeky self. Being good to others and not worrying about my gender or my sexuality. I just want to be a good person.
I was exactly the same age when I started questioning my true gender identity. I still am figuring it out a year later. And honestly, when I started out with the realization, I was in denial that I was transgender, but that was mostly because I didn't realize that even being trans was a gender spectrum. But until then, I had been denying that I was anything other than female.
But what your therapist may really be saying is that, when people figure out they are transgender, many (not all though) can go back a long time, well into their childhood, and find the signs. My first sign was when I was five or six. I've been denying being trans for over 20 years. That's not always the case though. The more important thing is being transgender is part of your identity. Part of who you are. And who you are takes time to evolve. The realization of who you are can come at ANY point in your life.
For example, you were a teen when you were diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. (From what I gather) These days, kids are diagnosed at a younger age because there is more knowledge of it than when we were kids. But despite being older, its something that's been part of you for a very long time, right? Its part of who you are, part of what makes you unique, part of what makes you great, (even if its difficult too). Every person with Asperger's is different. Just as every transgender person is different.
Some of the things you list are definitely some of the signs of being on the male side of the gender spectrum. Does that mean you are going to transition to a guy? Nope. Like others have said, gender is a spectrum. Maybe you're a masculine girl. Maybe you're a feminine guy. Maybe you're not even a binary gender at all. But, its up to you whether you feel like you fall under the trans spectrum. Explore your gender expression (how you like to present yourself.) Buy a pair of guys pants and a shirt. See how you feel. (I know she's not always thought of a great example of what it means to be trans, but she proves a point in this case) Remember, Caitlyn Jenner just changed her gender expression for years (though in private) before coming out as trans.
The other thing to remember, is people who have different mental health from others, like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, autism, asperger's syndrome, etc... We have a tendency to have a harder time with things we don't understand/know... (I'm diagnosed with severe anxiety) Which may be why seeing a transgender woman (the person was female right?) spurred yourself to question. Not saying that you are wrong to question, or that you're not trans. Never would say that, but it is something to remember as well.
The most important part is that you are still you - kind, generous, good. Those things don't change, you are still your weird and geeky self - all that (*all*, as if..), transgender means is that you have insight into yourself in ways that others don't, because you've become aware of aspects of your gender do not fit into the way that you are treated, behave, or desire to appear, (and it may only be one aspect that triggers your anxiety).
This is our journey of understanding ourselves, and how we relate to the world (and how it relates to us), physically, socially and mentally. Understanding ourselves means we can relate, compensate, adjust and improve those aspects, because we are aware, and not blindly stumbling on.
Quite often we find out simply through the comments of others (in my case, I was always such a girl), or an irrepressible need to get out of the gender uniforms that we socially are expected to have, or a deep seated desire to be rid of physical characteristics that are used as gender markers, it may however be subtle, in our awareness of our social interaction, knowing that we're doing it wrong, worrying, making mistakes, and then questions, questions, questions of why- with the anxiety and paranoia that accompanies them.
MichelleP often tells of when she was interviewing a transgender lady, the though that crossed her mind was 'she's so brave' - and the initial blind panic that ensued. Dena can talk all about how it was her social environment that didn't tie up, as just a start and we are all still here, as terrifying as it may seem now, you can get through this, and it doesn't mean that you suddenly start dressing as a man, or need surgery, or hormones, and doing any of those are choices that you may make, and you may choose to make them, because you feel better about yourself when you present that way, that is all.
It's going to take time hon. Honestly, I've suspected my gender as a cause of many of my issues for a couple of years (how can one so bright, be so dumb;) ), and the world hammered the message home 18 months or so. I'm now dealing with my own anxiety, and panic, with the help of.... a therapist, and medications - I have a lot of unknowns, apart from one, and that is the unwavering support of folk here who will help, suggest, support, love, offer kindness unconditionally, regardless of our personal circumstances.
There is hope, as the many successful stories here are testament to, and yes you will be able to find your own path, to being a more authentic you, where you are comfortable with yourself.
(Hugs) - it's going to be ok.
Rowan.
I think for me......its trying to understand if ALL of this is just my anxiety/OCD getting to me.....or if its like "No.....you are trans..." Aside from having irregular periods before I went on birth control and not having the same chest size......as far as I know I have not had any problems being a woman. I know I am not a girly girl. I have known that for years. That does not bother me.....Yes I wear more nerdy things than dresses. I do wear makeup and I like having my hair braided. I dont do my hair a lot. I usually wear it up a lot. But I cant stand messy eyebrows. When I see myself in pictures with bad eyebrows it would always bug me. Yeah I played and did more sports than girly things like dance etc. I love art. But I know growing up and up until this all started.....I never wished for a penis or to transform into a dude. As far as I know.
I am going to risk some direct advice...
(IMPORTANT: None of what I am about to say is in anyway stating you are or are not transgender. I am simply offering a way to approach the question with your therapist to hopefully aid you in reaching the correct answer based on my own experiences and fears having similar OCD and anxiety problems.)
Instead of focusing on whether or not you are transgender, speak with your therapist about why you began to worry that you are transgender to begin with. For example (but potential avenues to discuss hardly limited to these examples)... Did something about the woman you met hit too close to home, stirring up legitimately repressed feelings? Or are you perhaps looking for an answer for other issues, and this seems as though it would a reasonable explanation? I know I was originally worried that I was convincing myself I was transgender in order to explain away a lifetime of anxiety and agoraphobia. (ie: "Oh, I was transgender, that explains it! I'm not just a loser who has never been on a date at 35.") This was a big topic I addressed in therapy, and it didn't take long for me to reach the conclusion I wasn't making it up. But then I also know that it wasn't until my anxiety and related issues began to get better, and that I became overall healthier, that I was able to acknowledge my gender issue in full. Regardless of the answer you reach (which may of course very well be different from mine), you should consider this and other questions fully. I'd also focus on if you have a history of hypochondria-like symptoms with your OCD, as it is very common for those of us with OCD to convince ourselves of something or worry about things when we encounter them and see even slightest bit of parallel. (This isn't true hypochondria, which is almost a subset of OCD, but mimics it. And again, doesn't mean this isn't real, but is simply something else to consider.)
You also seem to be a little hung up on the idea of being transgender as being based around whether you "wanted to be a dude" or have a penis. Don't worry about that right now, there is far more to being transgender than that. Even if you do decide you are transgender, no one is going to make you get a penis unless you want one.
Bottom line: I suggest that you explore the cause of these fears with your therapist if you aren't, more so than simply mulling over the the "am I or aren't I?" question. I know that most people here are happy to speak with you about these fears, but we are not a substitute for a therapist that knows you personally, and I worry we may bring our own biases to the table. (As while you may very well be transgender, and none of us can make that call, your posts so far read to me as though they could very well be an OCD driven panic as well, and you owe it to yourself to explore every possibility.)
Oh, and to go back a post or two... none of this means you aren't or can't be a good person. No matter where the chips may fall, you are you. And you are a good person. (I'm taking your word for that one. ;D)
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 27, 2017, 01:11:59 PM
I think for me......its trying to understand if ALL of this is just my anxiety/OCD getting to me.....or if its like "No.....you are trans..." Aside from having irregular periods before I went on birth control and not having the same chest size......as far as I know I have not had any problems being a woman. I know I am not a girly girl. I have known that for years. That does not bother me.....Yes I wear more nerdy things than dresses. I do wear makeup and I like having my hair braided. I dont do my hair a lot. I usually wear it up a lot. But I cant stand messy eyebrows. When I see myself in pictures with bad eyebrows it would always bug me. Yeah I played and did more sports than girly things like dance etc. I love art. But I know growing up and up until this all started.....I never wished for a penis or to transform into a dude. As far as I know.
Sweetie, all bodies are different.
I can't stand messy brows, and I'm AMAB, but then, I'm not your average guy.
So my strategy right now is to help with the anxiety, and see if that can help with the obsession.
Your therapist may have picked up on your personality, or behaviours that you are performing subconsciously, and will, as any good therapist will do, be looking for an explanation that Best fits, to then be able to create a treatment path to help you feel better about yourself - or help you understand yourself better, so that you don't get as anxious.
We had a running joke in our home that "I was such a girl", and a host of inappropriate comments for when I was ditzy, or emotional. One day, my partner called me out again, and then had a flash of understanding, where she'd managed to connect the dots, to the exclamation of "OMG, you are a girl". The joke stopped after that... I miss it's validation, but it started a raft of questions, lots and lots of questions.
Yes, I was very triggered and anxious, and I had no idea what that would mean for my future, and I still don't know. What I do know is that what happens will be my choice. In my own sweet time, and not on some timeline and direction chosen for me by others. And so it is for you - what happens next is up to you. Ask lots of questions - write a list if needs be, of how you're feeling, if it is compelling you to do things, how the question or suggestion come up. Explore the topic, knowing that if you want it to have little or no impact, then you're going to need some healthy strategies, just like your OCD.
And most of all keep talking - we love a good chat and a cuppa.
(Hugs)
Rowan.
i think for me its trying to understand if ALL of this is just OCD or if its real and who i am when as far as I know I never really worried about it. When my therapist talked about how she has connections for me if I was trans.....my stomach got this nervous pinch in my stomach. I didn't light up for anything.
You've a real ally in your therapist - and she's allowing you space to have those challenging conversations. She will also be looking for you to use the strategies that you've learned or discussed in determining if it is a symptom of your OCD, or a perspective on your reality than can help explain much of your world - and make you more comfortable with yourself.
She wants you to feel better, and we are here to help you along your journey of discovery, as much as we can. Ultimately there will be answers that only you can give, but I've no doubt that you'll have all bases covered when you reach your conclusions.
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on October 27, 2017, 05:33:15 PM
You've a real ally in your therapist - and she's allowing you space to have those challenging conversations. She will also be looking for you to use the strategies that you've learned or discussed in determining if it is a symptom of your OCD, or a perspective on your reality than can help explain much of your world - and make you more comfortable with yourself.
She wants you to feel better, and we are here to help you along your journey of discovery, as much as we can. Ultimately there will be answers that only you can give, but I've no doubt that you'll have all bases covered when you reach your conclusions.
Rowan
Whats frustrating is.....before all of this started.....I would have thoughts and feelings of being gay/bi. I would have thoughts and feelings of being a violent person. I would have thoughts and feelings of not loving my parents. I have had thoughts and feelings of not caring about this one guy in my life. So at this point IDK what to believe.....if all of this is in my head or if its real.
Hi hon,
The key to this is that you've explored each of those ideas, and they have not stood up to scrutiny, and this is your test for your feelings of being trans.
If they continue regardless of questions, and experiences then you'll know for yourself of your status - although, simply questioning your gender is something that a cis-gendered person does not do...
(Hugs)
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on October 27, 2017, 11:52:31 PM
Hi hon,
The key to this is that you've explored each of those ideas, and they have not stood up to scrutiny, and this is your test for your feelings of being trans.
If they continue regardless of questions, and experiences then you'll know for yourself of your status - although, simply questioning your gender is something that a cis-gendered person does not do...
(Hugs)
Rowan
See thats the thing.......I mean I would ask why I am not girly but that is because I am a nerdy person...Ive always known I portray myself a little bit more tomboyish than my sister who is more girly....but I have never questioned myself as being female.....and THAT is what is frustrating....it feels as if this came out of no where....SO IDK anymore. *sigh* I just feel as if either all of this is my OCD thoughts ruining my life......or IDK....my anxiety etc was getting better a few weeks ago and I felt like I was becoming better.....and now all of this comes and now I feel even more confused and worse...I just miss being who I was years ago. Being a happy weird girl who loves her doggies and loves anime and Harry Potter and Disney.....like even 2 years ago I was fine.....none of this was a problem as far as I know....I am in no way discriminatory or against being trans....I know it would never be a bad thing...but before all of this started......I was never bothered by my female name.....I was never bothered when someone called me miss or Ma'am. I liked shaving my legs....I liked getting my eye brows done....I would love it when my sister would braid my hair....yes I don't wear heels and dresses etc. But as far as I know I never felt weird of how I presented myself because I always have known I am not as girly as my sister. But I have never thought before of wanting to be called sir and be a father and be a husband...somehow being portrayed as a son or a guy.....not having thoughts of having sex as a guy....none of these things as far as I know have crossed my mind until now....
In my case, I never questioned my gender before age 13. Everybody told me I was a boy so I was a boy. I wasn't interested in sports, I enjoyed playing with girls and I had an interest in science. This made me some what of a loner but I figured it was normal and because I wasn't unhappy, I didn't worry about it. One day in school I looked at a girl in the class room and suddenly I realized I wanted to be her and the thought wouldn't leave my mind. This didn't change the person I was and I still have the personal values that I had before.
Others on the site mention this awaking at a much latter age. Some may marry and raise a family before they realize they are not who they think they are. When you are attempting to figure this out, don't think about the past because you may have been missing some information. Think about how you feel right now. Do you think sometimes you would like to be a male but sometimes a female? Would you like to be a female all the time? Would you like to be a male all the time? How you answer these questions will give you a better idea about who you are.
As far as I know now....up until this started.....I never said to myself "I want to be a guy...." I never saw a guy and said.....I want to be him.....I know I am not a girly girl. And that has never bothered me....I love being a nerd and loving anime and Disney and Harry Potter. Its who I am......I do like wearing sweaters etc.
For most of us, it catches us by surprise. From nowhere. Triggered by some random event, and then turns everything upside down.
If you look around, you'll see the forums littered with identical realisations, awakenings, and ah-ha moments of ordered lives thrown into chaos - for a few, the fortunate few, their sense of self was undeniable from an early age, following the narrative that is espoused from the rooftops, and leaving the rest of us to question our reality, over and over and over again.
You'll also see lots of us struggling with mental health issues too - anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, multiple personalities, the list could fill a book.
Being 'male' or 'female' is about our sense of self, and it's quite shocking to discover that we aren't who we think we are identified as - it's not identified by the clothes we wear, the jobs we do, the friends we keep, and it certainly isn't a simplistic binary male/female.
But it's just a label. The challenge is then ours to accept or deny a quest to find what our identifier really is so that our external environment stops making us feel out of place.
This, is where your therapist comes in - to help you, be closer to showing the real you to the world.
Rowan
So are you trying to say I am transgender or no???? Because I never ever thought about being transgender or EVER worried about my gender until supposedly meeting this transwoman....and I have seen many other transgender people in my life and it never triggered me questioning my own gender...As far as I know I have not wanted to be presented as a guy.....yes.....I am not girly......I am more tomboyish than my sister.....I have known that all of my life.....but.....I have not had thoughts as far as I know to go back in time and wish I was boy.....I 100% know I am not a girly girl. I am saying the other thoughts I have had because....it all came at once.....they were never things that I knew about myself...I never worried about them......they were either thoughts or feelings that came at once...I am not against being transgender...but with everyone supporting the idea of me being that......it feels as if it makes everything worse and worse...because I am trying to figure out if I like this guy who is in my life.....if I ever fell in love with him and if I love him now......and if I ended up figuring out I am trans......he would never want to be with me......even if he fell in love with who I am on the inside as a weird dorky person...When I have seen guys in my life.....yes I get along with them a little better.......but I never thought to myself....."I want to be this guy...." As far as I know I have not had thoughts of "I want the world to see me as this guy.....or a guy..."
And of course now IDK if I am crying because upon realizing that if I was trans this guy wouldnt love me or be with me.....and when I think about being trans I dont cry......but thinking somehow that he wouldnt love me.....I cry about that...when I talk about trans stuff or gay stuff or bi stuff I dont cry......but worrying about him not loving me or wanting to be with me...
(Hugs)
Here we are, talking on a site about your gender questions, and I forgot the tissues.
(Hugs)
And there in a nutshell is the very definition of transgender - and in the same way, I know that I am not a man. It's taken me a long time to work through what I am, because I can tolerate the drab clothes (it hides me), I can play along with man-games and enjoy them for a limited period of time, but somehow, somewhere deep in me is a disconnect, and I realised that I was enjoying the playing along, rather than the being involved, and being me.
Being trans brings a host of social difficulties, especially if (and I can't emphasise that part enough), you decide to transition and yes when we work out that we maybe trans, we do become starkly aware of the potential difficulties ahead -especially when there are partners or children involved.
You are lovable, don't forget that, as a gay guy, or a straight girl, or a straight guy, a bi-guy or girl - preferences are just that, preferences
Your journey to here is not uncommon. In fact it's quite the opposite, it's quite common indeed.
(Hugs)
Have a chat with MeTony and the other dudes.
Rowan
But see what I am trying to understand is..... I am crying more over this guy not loving me than the whole trans thing....now all I am reading is you guys singling me out as being trans....
Quote from: Sno on October 28, 2017, 07:21:04 PM
(Hugs)
Here we are, talking on a site about your gender questions, and I forgot the tissues.
(Hugs)
And there in a nutshell is the very definition of transgender - and in the same way, I know that I am not a man. It's taken me a long time to work through what I am, because I can tolerate the drab clothes (it hides me), I can play along with man-games and enjoy them for a limited period of time, but somehow, somewhere deep in me is a disconnect, and I realised that I was enjoying the playing along, rather than the being involved, and being me.
Being trans brings a host of social difficulties, especially if (and I can't emphasise that part enough), you decide to transition and yes when we work out that we maybe trans, we do become starkly aware of the potential difficulties ahead -especially when there are partners or children involved.
You are lovable, don't forget that, as a gay guy, or a straight girl, or a straight guy, a bi-guy or girl - preferences are just that, preferences
Your journey to here is not uncommon. In fact it's quite the opposite, it's quite common indeed.
(Hugs)
Have a chat with MeTony and the other dudes.
Rowan
What is the real definition of being transgender??
Like..... I am crying more over scared of him leaving me than the whole trans thing all together....
Someone who is transgender, experiences discomfort that is specifically related to their gender role as assigned at birth. It could be detailed, as in why do I have ... or general as in I feel fake, and everything in between.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_dysphoria
Most folk never feel any discomfort with their role, and as a result, never ask the question why does doing this make me feel bad. That's why we say, if you're questioning your gender, then you are most likely somewhere under the trans umbrella, especially if the questioning doesn't stop (akin to an obsession, or compulsion).
For me, that's been 4 years now - I don't have OCD, but I do have anxiety issues, and working out I was trans was like huh, that all makes sense now, and helped me stop worrying about certain things - it also unfortunately ramped up my poor self esteem though (feeling invalid, unlovable, a freak, an outsider, very, very alien and consequently worthless). I have complete anxiety meltdowns at the thought of my partner leaving me.
It also came out of the blue, triggered by something that happened.
In your welcome post from the moderator team, there is a link to our wiki, (also linked at the top of the page), that may be of help too.
Are you trans? Only you can answer that.
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on October 28, 2017, 08:43:46 PM
Someone who is transgender, experiences discomfort that is specifically related to their gender role as assigned at birth. It could be detailed, as in why do I have ... or general as in I feel fake, and everything in between.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_dysphoria
Most folk never feel any discomfort with their role, and as a result, never ask the question why does doing this make me feel bad. That's why we say, if you're questioning your gender, then you are most likely somewhere under the trans umbrella, especially if the questioning doesn't stop (akin to an obsession, or compulsion).
For me, that's been 4 years now - I don't have OCD, but I do have anxiety issues, and working out I was trans was like huh, that all makes sense now, and helped me stop worrying about certain things - it also unfortunately ramped up my poor self esteem though (feeling invalid, unlovable, a freak, an outsider, very, very alien and consequently worthless). I have complete anxiety meltdowns at the thought of my partner leaving me.
It also came out of the blue, triggered by something that happened.
In your welcome post from the moderator team, there is a link to our wiki, (also linked at the top of the page), that may be of help too.
Are you trans? Only you can answer that.
Rowan
I hope you don't hate me. I guess its just frustrating because.....up until now..... I mean yes Id ask if it was weird that I am not a girly girl but......I would not ask myself about my gender....I would not have thoughts about me being transgender.....I never felt weird about having breasts or periods....I mean yes periods are annoying.....and yes I am more masculine than feminine. But......IDK if I am just both masculine and feminine???? But......before all of this started.....I felt more and still kinda do...feel more self conscious about the size of my breasts not in having breasts. And I never felt self conscious about having a vagina either. But I never would think about my future as a man.....I would feel self conscious about my boobs being uneven but not that they were there. As far as I know......I have not had hate about being a girl. I know I am a tomboy......I know I like geeky things and nerdy things.....I get so uplifted when I go to anime conventions and meet other people who like anime. Those kinds of things I feel so happy about. When I see Harry Potter stuff I get all excited. But when thinking about being a guy....I don't get GIDDY and excited!!!! But I mean growing up I loved Barney and I have my American Girl doll.....And I still have my American Girl doll in my closet....I guess I never really think about gender because I guess it doesnt make me feel uncomfortable....
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 28, 2017, 07:38:11 PM
But see what I am trying to understand is..... I am crying more over this guy not loving me than the whole trans thing....now all I am reading is you guys singling me out as being trans....
Please understand, no one is "singling you out for being trans". We don't know if you are. All we can do is offer our own experiences and point you in a direction to explore the issue for yourself.
One thing I will say unequivocally: You are going in circles on this issue, and you will never get anywhere as long as you do that. You have to focus on
why you have this fear/worry (the belief you might be trans) in the first place, because simply saying "but I never questioned x or felt y or wanted z" doesn't accomplish anything. Being transgender is a very broad spectrum, and none of these things are definitive either way. Just as experiences lining up with others is not definitive either. These are all indicators, potential symptoms if you will, but there is simply no one "one size fits all" definition for being transgender that people can give you.
And the issue of whether someone will leave if you are trans... is irrelevant. You can't control what other people will do, and you don't have any real way to know what they will do in the first place. Their actions do not dictate who you are or are not, and his actions will not change whether or not you are transgender no matter how that plays out. It is natural to fear repercussions and fallout from something like this, but there is no sense worrying about it when you aren't even sure you are transgender.
If nothing else, please read what I am about to say now. I have OCD as well, and I can recognize when OCD is in overdrive. (I think a lot of people can to be honest, as it is fairly evident.) You are showing a number of indications that you are in a severely obsessive mindset on this issue, such as focusing on the same few points repeatedly even when they have been addressed. Based on my own history, I honestly do not know if you can make a rational decision until you manage to break through the obsessive downward spiral. I know that is easier said than done, but it is the only way you will be able to deal with this question one way or the other. I strongly suggest that if you are on any medication for your OCD and anxiety, to make sure you are not neglecting to take it at the moment. I don't mean to suggest you are not, simply that I know my own history with avoiding PCD meds when I was at my worst and the state of mind I would get in and don't wish for you to make my past mistake.
(Hugs)
Sweetie, it's all good
Rowan
Today I have been listening to the song "Amazed" by LoneStar.....and I look at pictures of he and I and IDK I get this smidge feeling in my chest.....like......do I have feelings for him??? But then when i think about the whole gay, bi, trans things as far as I know I dont feel anything...
Hey there, please re-read what Roll posted above:
Quote from: Roll on October 28, 2017, 09:45:00 PMIf nothing else, please read what I am about to say now. I have OCD as well, and I can recognize when OCD is in overdrive. (I think a lot of people can to be honest, as it is fairly evident.) You are showing a number of indications that you are in a severely obsessive mindset on this issue, such as focusing on the same few points repeatedly even when they have been addressed. Based on my own history, I honestly do not know if you can make a rational decision until you manage to break through the obsessive downward spiral. I know that is easier said than done, but it is the only way you will be able to deal with this question one way or the other. I strongly suggest that if you are on any medication for your OCD and anxiety, to make sure you are not neglecting to take it at the moment. I don't mean to suggest you are not, simply that I know my own history with avoiding PCD meds when I was at my worst and the state of mind I would get in and don't wish for you to make my past mistake.
If it makes any difference, I think that it's impossible to tell whether you're trans, gay, or bi right now. You're so focused on the idea that you may be, and on the resultant anxiety, that I doubt you can hear your own inner voice.
Is there any chance you can print this thread out and take it to your therapist, or to someone else whose opinion you trust? I think you're too upset to hear us right now. Having a trusted person talk to you about your fears might help a lot.
I'm going to be honest with you here... I don't think you're trans. From what I've read, it sounds like you are going through an identity crisis at the moment. You have stated over and over that you've never thought about being the opposite sex and never questioned anything about your gender presentation and never, at all, felt like something was off about your body or your own self. Some here may disagree, but I think that a solid history of some sort of gender/sexual questioning/confusion is necessary for knowing whether or not you should consider transitioning.
You are way overthinking this and need to focus, instead, on your anxiety and how to manage it.
And if the shape of your chest bothers you, maybe you could consider some sort of breast augmentation surgery to even them out?
Read this:
https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
Quote from: NinaW on October 29, 2017, 08:06:35 PM
Read this:
https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
Just read through that, and I had a head meets desk moment when it bulls eyed me with the reference to Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde and Switch. Watched the former repeatedly on Comedy Central religiously when it came on, and was always obsessed with seeing the latter for years (pre-everything available on internet) ever since I saw the synopsis on a hotel movie rental kiosk when I was 10. (Though I seemed to have remembered the box art being the girl going to use a urinal. Or was that a different movie? Maybe it was the back of the box?)
I am sorry if I have hurt anyone or offended anyone......if I ended up being transgender I am not against it. Just as if I was gay or bi I would not be against it......but for me its just confusing because I have always known I am not a girly girl....I am more tomboyish than my sister. I have been most of my life....but I know I have not ever had thoughts of wanting to get rid of my genitalia or breasts. And I have never had thoughts of "Oh I want to be a boy" or "Oh I want to be seen and known as a boy.." And I have never wanted to change my name as far as I know to be a more boy name....for me its been about if all of this is coming from my OCD/anxiety or if it is real feelings.....which is why I bring up my other thoughts of being violent, not loving my parents, not caring about this person I know in my life, being gay/bi etc. Because......as far as I know.....I would just be living life.....being my weird silly dorky self....and I would not feel self conscious of the body given to me except maybe my breasts being two different sizes and having irregular periods but......I know I have not had thoughts of wanting to be turned into a boy as far as I know and wanting to go back in time and change myself to a boy...
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 30, 2017, 12:45:04 PM
I am sorry if I have hurt anyone or offended anyone......if I ended up being transgender I am not against it. Just as if I was gay or bi I would not be against it......but for me its just confusing because I have always known I am not a girly girl....I am more tomboyish than my sister. I have been most of my life....but I know I have not ever had thoughts of wanting to get rid of my genitalia or breasts. And I have never had thoughts of "Oh I want to be a boy" or "Oh I want to be seen and known as a boy.." And I have never wanted to change my name as far as I know to be a more boy name....for me its been about if all of this is coming from my OCD/anxiety or if it is real feelings.....which is why I bring up my other thoughts of being violent, not loving my parents, not caring about this person I know in my life, being gay/bi etc. Because......as far as I know.....I would just be living life.....being my weird silly dorky self....and I would not feel self conscious of the body given to me except maybe my breasts being two different sizes and having irregular periods but......I know I have not had thoughts of wanting to be turned into a boy as far as I know and wanting to go back in time and change myself to a boy...
So you're a tomboy. It's that simple.
I think you're blowing this way, way out of proportion.
Quote from: Allie24 on October 30, 2017, 01:18:52 PM
So you're a tomboy. It's that simple.
I think you're blowing this way, way out of proportion.
I hope you don't hate me. I am sorry if you do.
Quote from: BJ0909 on October 30, 2017, 01:22:19 PM
I hope you don't hate me
Of course not. I apologize if my responses came across as cold. I just think that it's best that you work on your anxiety right now because that is really what the problem is here.
Being cis does not automatically make you transphobic. You've told us already that you have nothing against LGBT people, so don't worry, we have no qualms with you.
But, seriously, find a therapist and work out the anxiety/identity issues. You pin way too much of your own self worth on the opinions of others (something that many of us, here, do) which is hella unhealthy. Take a few deep breaths, do something that you enjoy, and look into doing the work that you need.
I am sorry to anyone I have hurt or offended. Its just frustrating for me......I have been in therapy for anxiety, OCD, and my Aspergers. And I felt as if the stuff I was going through before all of this was getting a little better. And then all of this comes in a wave...and now its like taking a step backwards? If I ended up being trans I know its not the biggest deal in the world. But for some reason....I seem to cry more about this guy who is in my life and feeling sad or scared that he wouldn't love me or care about me if I ended up this way. I seem to be crying more over that than these feelings of being trans...And at this point it is hard for me to distinguish between real anxiety/OCD and if these thoughts or feelings are real. Its like.....for some examples.....I don't think about marriage or sex much. So then it makes me ask myself if I want those things....Just as in the whole gender thing.....I mean yes I am not a girly girl and I have always felt comfortable with that....But I have not imagined my life as a guy or wanting to be a guy....so its like..."Oh are you just suppressing something?" when as far as I know I would not think about gender....I just lived life as me...
BJ, you have not hurt or offended anyone. We are only worried about you, and attempting to help as best we can, but there is only so much we can do. Please make sure to be open to your therapist about all of this. You have to let go of worrying about what other people such as this guy may or may not think and focus on dealing with the cause of your current anxiety and obsession, and discovering whether or not the transgender worries are real or illusions. Please, understand that theoretical reactions to an issue that may not even exist are not going to do you any good and only distract you from dealing with the real problem at play.
And of course I am trying to figure out if I love this guy who I know. He has been the one thing I cry about a lot..like today.....he asked me if he wanted him to stop caring and wanting to push him away.....IDK why but I just started to cry....and I cried for like 5-10 minutes. I have felt some arousal towards him recently....when he has messed with me or hugged me. etc. I know its stupid to cry over someone who i dont even love.....but idk if all of this means I do love him.
But I guess it would not matter anymore anyways.....he hates me and does not care about me. I have cried a bit this afternoon. And it's my own fault.I get so caught up in my own problems I push him way and set boundaries and I cry this afternoon....and I have to get use to him hating me....*sigh* And he is probably not going to care about me or love me anymore.....cause I am so stupid and incapable of loving him and caring about him....because of everything I am going through with my questioning...
My therapist says she feels that in her gut it is OCD.
Sweetie, she may well be right, and I'm really happy that you've talked with your therapist about this.
From our chats here, I feel that your OCD and Aspergers combine in such a way that you are serially obsessive about just one thing.? If so, could this be a sign that your OCD is looking for it's next focus?
(Hugs)
Rowan
IDK somehow I just feel even more scared of being "told" I am transgender....even if my therapist says and feels in her gut I am not....like I end up being diagnosed or told I am transgender....
You can rest easy on that. No one, and I mean no one, can tell you that you are transgender. That's just not how it works, even medically. "Transgender" is not a diagnosis. Only the individual can decide for themselves if they are transgender.
I think what your therapist wants you to do is what several of us have said here: focus on your OCD. Regardless of everything else, that seems to be your overriding issue at the moment.
Quote from: Roll on November 01, 2017, 09:18:31 PM
You can rest easy on that. No one, and I mean no one, can tell you that you are transgender. That's just not how it works, even medically. "Transgender" is not a diagnosis. Only the individual can decide for themselves if they are transgender.
I think what your therapist wants you to do is what several of us have said here: focus on your OCD. Regardless of everything else, that seems to be your overriding issue at the moment.
I am sorry.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 01, 2017, 09:28:26 PM
I am sorry.
Stop apologizing, you have nothing to be sorry about!! ;D We just want you to get through this.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 01, 2017, 09:28:26 PM
I am sorry.
Girl , you've done nothing, and said nothing that needs or warrants an apology - hopefully your therapist is talking with you about self esteem too :)
Rowan
I guess there is also this underlying fear of like "What if I end up saying I am transgender??" when as far as I know I have not felt any un-alignment with my body...and its like.....what if it was never OCD all along??? Thats why I feel like I am a medical experiment....trying all different kinds of meds and I know my family and therapist are there to help me....I guess I feel like before all of this started.....I was kind of getting a grip on my anxiety, etc. I know it would never be bad if I was trans but....I know I am different because of my Aspergers.....and before all of this I would feel bad self esteem about my chest size and two different sizes and I would get irritated about my irregular periods...and IDK if when I was in my teens had this HUGE desire to be a woman.....but I still as far as I remember didn't feel depressed during my puberty years......and then also if I end up figuring out I love this guy I know....I know I shouldn't let other people's opinions get to me but.....IDK if he would want to be with me or even love me again....
If you are transgender, normally you will feel uncomfortable with your body or your life. It also tends to cause depression and you are somewhat aware of what is causing the depression. I think for now you should concentrate on your OCD and not worry about being transgender. Once your OCD is under better control, I think you will know if you are transgender or if you aren't. Attack the largest issue first and when that is resolved, you will be able to see the lessor issues better.
Quote from: Dena on November 01, 2017, 10:59:10 PM
If you are transgender, normally you will feel uncomfortable with your body or your life. It also tends to cause depression and you are somewhat aware of what is causing the depression. I think for now you should concentrate on your OCD and not worry about being transgender. Once your OCD is under better control, I think you will know if you are transgender or if you aren't. Attack the largest issue first and when that is resolved, you will be able to see the lessor issues better.
I hope I have not upset you Dena.
And then of course there is the scared idea of what if I end up having it under control but those thoughts and feelings are still there? I know in my life I havent not looked in the mirror and asked myself or told myself I wanted to be a guy....as far as I know it has not or did not cross my mind....
There is only one thing you can do, and that is cross that bridge when you come to it after addressing the current OCD thoughts. With OCD, we focus on the mights, the maybes, the ifs. They can consume us, and can paralyze us into not taking action. The truth is, those mights, maybes, and ifs are purely hypothetical, and you shouldn't dwell on something that is potentially pure fiction at the expense of the very real issue in front of you.
If your house is on fire, don't stop to consider what you'd do in the case of a meteor strike.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 01, 2017, 11:00:10 PM
I hope I have not upset you Dena.
No you haven't upset me. Any issues I had were resolved over 35 years ago and the primary reason I am on this site is to help others with their problems. Mostly I deal with people who's problems are transgender related however I have help people who were CIS with problems that weren't transgender related. Discovering yourself is what this site is about even if you aren't transgender.
Quote from: Roll on November 01, 2017, 11:24:15 PM
There is only one thing you can do, and that is cross that bridge when you come to it after addressing the current OCD thoughts. With OCD, we focus on the mights, the maybes, the ifs. They can consume us, and can paralyze us into not taking action. The truth is, those mights, maybes, and ifs are purely hypothetical, and you shouldn't dwell on something that is potentially pure fiction at the expense of the very real issue in front of you.
If your house is on fire, don't stop to consider what you'd do in the case of a meteor strike.
I know you are helping.....and I appreciate your kind words....I am just scared of ending up being transgender....and not in the sense of what public people think of me....but....knowing that its the truth about me and knowing if this person I talk about if I ended up knowing in my heart I have feelings for him......that he would not want to be with me...And just scared of seeing that truth of being trans...when as far as I know I have not felt bad about my life....that is what scares me......knowing if all of this real and truly 100% real....or if its all my OCD....and only truly that...
Course then I even wonder if all of this is me trying to figure out my feelings for this guy..
Maybe I am just crazy *hugs*
Hey there, I wouldn't tell anyone that you're trans until or unless you've worked things out with a therapist. While you work on that, I'd just let others assume that you're cis. That way, you don't have to "come out" to anyone, and there's a reduced chance of rejection. For all you know, you are cis, so it's not like it's a deception.
Hoping all works out well with you!
Quote from: The Flying Lemur on November 02, 2017, 12:43:38 AM
Hey there, I wouldn't tell anyone that you're trans until or unless you've worked things out with a therapist. While you work on that, I'd just let others assume that you're cis. That way, you don't have to "come out" to anyone, and there's a reduced chance of rejection. For all you know, you are cis, so it's not like it's a deception.
Hoping all works out well with you!
At this point I just feel confused and scared. My therapist and doctor say and have gut feelings that is OCD. And what scares me if I end up controlling my OCD and the thoughts and feelings are still there.....its like when saying I love you to my parents.....I still get that feeling of "Do I love them?" And it just scares me in like I end up saying or figuring out "Oh I am trans....etc." even if as far as I know I have not felt that way...and it is OCD all along.
Quote from: The Flying Lemur on November 02, 2017, 12:43:38 AM
Hey there, I wouldn't tell anyone that you're trans until or unless you've worked things out with a therapist. While you work on that, I'd just let others assume that you're cis. That way, you don't have to "come out" to anyone, and there's a reduced chance of rejection. For all you know, you are cis, so it's not like it's a deception.
Hoping all works out well with you!
And a lot of people are giving me advice to work on my OCD first.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 02, 2017, 12:48:18 AM
At this point I just feel confused and scared. My therapist and doctor say and have gut feelings that is OCD. And what scares me if I end up controlling my OCD and the thoughts and feelings are still there.....its like when saying I love you to my parents.....I still get that feeling of "Do I love them?" And it just scares me in like I end up saying or figuring out "Oh I am trans....etc." even if as far as I know I have not felt that way...and it is OCD all along.
Working with your therapist, you will be able to work out if it's ocd or not - and if not, you're already talking with someone who knows you well! Remember being trans does not equate to transition, it does not mean that you have to change anything, if you don't want to. It does not mean that things happen quickly, but at the pace that you are comfortable with. It does not mean surgery, unless you need it either. It can be as much, or as little as you need to be able to get on. That's not so scary really, and that's the tape I'm running at the moment to help me get through.
Rowan.
Quote from: Sno on November 02, 2017, 04:56:56 AM
Working with your therapist, you will be able to work out if it's ocd or not - and if not, you're already talking with someone who knows you well! Remember being trans does not equate to transition, it does not mean that you have to change anything, if you don't want to. It does not mean that things happen quickly, but at the pace that you are comfortable with. It does not mean surgery, unless you need it either. It can be as much, or as little as you need to be able to get on. That's not so scary really, and that's the tape I'm running at the moment to help me get through.
Rowan.
My therapist told me yesterday she does not get the vibe I am transgender and she feels it in her gut that I am not....because I have gone to her for other problems I have been having such as my thoughts and feelings of not loving my parents, etc. And even after with work etc., I do still feel those feelings a little...
Maybe I am just crazy at this point lol
Questioning, yes, crazy, no
(Hugs)
Rowan
All I want to know is who I am....these last few months all I have been dealing with are thoughts and feelings of not loving this guy I know in my life.....thoughts and feelings of not loving my parents....thoughts and feelings of being a violent person....thoughts and feelings of being gay or bi....and now thoughts and feelings of being transgender....and its just all frustrating.....I felt as if I knew who I was......and IDK I never really thought about gender growing up.....I just lived as a girl...just the same with sex and marriage.....I dont think about them much so its like, "Do I want those things?" And it just sucks because if I end up figuring out I love this guy.....*hugs* he and I wouldnt be able to be together...
And whats funny is I seem to cry more over him and him not loving me or wanting to be with me than being trans or not itself...Just me trying to figure out my feelings for him has been what has been going on for more than year...just knowing if he and I are meant to be together...and knowing I feel attraction or arousal towards him...
(Hugs)
You're hurting so much, it's quite obvious.
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on November 03, 2017, 03:52:28 PM
(Hugs)
You're hurting so much, it's quite obvious.
Rowan
And that is why I am trying to understand if ALL of the things and thoughts etc I have been having are OCD. The feelings about this guy I know isnt OCD....but everything else like the violent thoughts, the gay/bi thoughts, the trans thoughts, the thoughts of me not loving my parents, etc.
I apologize if I have annoyed anyone away *hugs*
No hon, we're are still here, still supporting your struggle as best we can
Rowan
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 04, 2017, 12:27:27 AM
I apologize if I have annoyed anyone away *hugs*
I wasn't sure what else to say, but definitely still listening. We are cheering for you!
Quote from: Roll on November 04, 2017, 09:34:02 AM
I wasn't sure what else to say, but definitely still listening. We are cheering for you!
what do you mean not sure what else to say?
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 04, 2017, 10:32:57 AM
what do you mean not sure what else to say?
Just that I wanted to say something more to try to help, but wasn't sure what, and didn't want to offer bad or hollow advice.
Quote from: Roll on November 04, 2017, 12:13:21 PM
Just that I wanted to say something more to try to help, but wasn't sure what, and didn't want to offer bad or hollow advice.
I just feel like now I am burdening everyone. *hugs*
Quote from: Roll on November 04, 2017, 12:13:21 PM
Just that I wanted to say something more to try to help, but wasn't sure what, and didn't want to offer bad or hollow advice.
I am sorry Roll. I am not dismissing what you are saying at all. It is all just so frustrating.....a few weeks ago I felt as if things were going to be ok...and then all of this confusion *hugs* and confusion if everything is OCD or not.
First, you aren't burdening anyone! :) Attempting to help others is the point of these forums to begin with! (And I know I for one have received way more support than I can ever hope to repay.)
And I understand that you aren't dismissing anything, I know all too well that this is just how OCD works. I also know it doesn't always help to feel badgered by the same advice repeatedly (at some point, at least to me, it becomes background noise that is more annoying than helpful), which is where I ran into an issue not knowing what else to say.
Anyway, just remember that you aren't alone in your fears and confusion, regardless of whether or not this is all OCD driven or something else. Trust your therapist, and above all trust yourself and you will figure this out! :)
Quote from: Roll on November 04, 2017, 07:10:50 PM
First, you aren't burdening anyone! :) Attempting to help others is the point of these forums to begin with! (And I know I for one have received way more support than I can ever hope to repay.)
...
Anyway, just remember that you aren't alone in your fears and confusion, regardless of whether or not this is all OCD driven or something else. Trust your therapist, and above all trust yourself and you will figure this out! :)
Exactly, and we are here to cheer you on, to commiserate, celebrate and support you on your journey, wherever that may take you :)
Helping someone who is struggling and seeing their work to become happy is no burden, it's a joy :)
Rowan
It sounds like you're really struggling. You need to speak with your therapist about your obsessive thoughts and anxiety. Find out the root of both. It could be fear, but it could be anything from past present or future.
All I know is for myself at 27, when I realized I was trans it was a big relief for me. I don't want to compare but in a way it sounds like the complete opposite for you and that's something you need to work through with your therapist.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
One thing I have come to see is that I do feel arousal towards this guy in my life...whether its him messing with me, hugging me, etc. And IDK if I have not thought about it before because I mean I was never told I was girl straight out.....I just knew biologically I was a girl.....and I lived...its like sex and marriage......I never really think about it so is it something I want? As far as I know growing up I never questioned my gender.....I was just living as a girl....not a care in the world....I have always known I am more masculine than feminine.....but as far as I know I never wished I had a boys body or a boy's brain...I have always been a tomboy......and I am not a fan of wearing dresses but I do think they are beautiful....I am more comfortable in nice sweaters and dress pants....but I know I have not wished my future to be a boy.....and at this point......I am getting to same uneasy feelings when my mom calls me girlie girl and my name and it is the same feelings I get when my parents say I love you to me and I get that uneasy feeling of "Do I love them?".......when before all of this started.....I was not bothered by it at all.....actually I would always hope every day my parents would call me by a pet name because.....it made me feel happy and knowing they were not mad at me.....at this point its hard to know what is OCD.....
While you should make sure to tell your therapist about those uneasy feelings, don't read too much into them as indicative of either being trans or not loving your parents. A sense of unease regarding the topics you are worried about is one of the most common effects of anxiety issues.
I've actually found those feelings more destructive than outright anxiety attacks honestly, as they deceptive in their seeming lack of intensity. With a full on panic attack, even in that state it's obvious what is happening and looking back I could always say "Well, I wasn't thinking clearly", but with that vague unease it influences your thoughts in a way that is subtle and hard to have that definitive after the fact clarity.
On the issue of not loving your parents, I wouldn't worry about that too much either. Unfortunately, those of with OCD and anxiety issues are quite adept at compartmentalizing and putting up buffers. It is common for the result to be your unconscious putting a bit of a barrier up in terms of accessing your feelings, as a defense mechanism because you worry it will only lead to hurt and pain to care for someone, but it absolutely does not mean those feelings exist.
While this is not something a mental health professional would ever say, I think of it like this: You have probably heard a version of the saying "Crazy people don't question their sanity". Well, I also believe that "True sociopaths don't question their lack of emotion." If you truly didn't love your parents, then you wouldn't care that you don't love your parents. The truth is that while these and similar conditions can create a seemingly dispassionate and cold exterior, this is often nothing more than a defensive mechanism because we feel too much, even if we aren't always aware of it because of those same defense mechanisms. Essentially, people who don't care about others have no reason to be anxious in the first place.
One thing I have noticed is.....when he tries to hold my hand or when we hug sometimes or when he messes with me.....I get aroused.....and for some reason....IDK I am more giggly or laugh more or real I guess with him? IDK....and with everything else I dont get all giggly and happy about it...
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 06, 2017, 11:27:54 AM
One thing I have noticed is.....when he tries to hold my hand or when we hug sometimes or when he messes with me.....I get aroused.....and for some reason....IDK I am more giggly or laugh more or real I guess with him? IDK....and with everything else I dont get all giggly and happy about it...
Oh there's no mystery there, that's the euphoria that comes with truly being attracted to someone. :)
Quote from: Roll on November 06, 2017, 02:52:03 PM
Oh there's no mystery there, that's the euphoria that comes with truly being attracted to someone. :)
IDK I mean I seem to notice an arousal more than the laughing and giggling??
Quote from: Roll on November 06, 2017, 02:52:03 PM
Oh there's no mystery there, that's the euphoria that comes with truly being attracted to someone. :)
As stupid as this sounds.....the past year or more I have been trying to understand if I love him.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 06, 2017, 11:05:39 PM
As stupid as this sounds.....the past year or more I have been trying to understand if I love him.
That's not stupid at all! Figuring out if your feelings are really love is never easy, but it sounds like at the least he is very important to you.
Quote from: Roll on November 06, 2017, 11:11:27 PM
That's not stupid at all! Figuring out if your feelings are really love is never easy, but it sounds like at the least he is very important to you.
Can i ask you how?? Because the last year or so.....he and I went out for 4 months....and of course I was questioning my sexuality and my feelings for him. He and I broke up because he did not know if he could fall in love with me. He has said to me many many times that I love him....and if its true.....how is it that my heart won't let me feel it?? I mean I listen to A Thousand Years by Christina Perri and Amazed by Lonestar and look at a picture of he and I and I cry....but then these things about being trans I mean yes I cried at first because of anxiety etc. but....now I barely cry at all..
I know him so much more than I know myself. I know the colors he likes. I know that he likes TMNT and he loves Raphael. He loves Zelda and Walking Dead. He twitches his nose when he eats his food or is really concentrating....IDK I remember so much of what we have done together....And I know him better than I know myself I guess...and it does scare me that if I ended up being trans he would not want to be with me......but the biggest thing I have been trying to tackle is if I truly love him....yes he has give me arousal....I remember the night he told me he loved me....I have the heart he gave me....and its like.....do I really want to be with him??? He has told me. My friends have told me. My parents have told me.....that I do have feelings for him....
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 06, 2017, 11:16:27 PM
Can i ask you how??
If I knew I'd tell you, but I'm probably the least qualified person to explain how you know if you're in love. My experience has been nothing more than a handful of what you could call simply crushes. I thought I was in love with at least two of those crushes, but I've since figured out they were more infatuation than any form of real love.
Quote from: Roll on November 06, 2017, 11:42:14 PM
If I knew I'd tell you, but I'm probably the least qualified person to explain how you know if you're in love. My experience has been nothing more than a handful of what you could call simply crushes. I thought I was in love with at least two of those crushes, but I've since figured out they were more infatuation than any form of real love.
You know what is making me cry more now.....that if I ended up being trans....he would not love or care about me anymore......than even reading about trans stuff......I read about that stuff and I dont cry at all.....but somehow the thought of him not loving me or caring makes me cry.....IDK why.?
Quote from: Roll on November 06, 2017, 11:42:14 PM
If I knew I'd tell you, but I'm probably the least qualified person to explain how you know if you're in love. My experience has been nothing more than a handful of what you could call simply crushes. I thought I was in love with at least two of those crushes, but I've since figured out they were more infatuation than any form of real love.
Course now I am being a dork and crying about it lol about him not loving me...
God why am I crying more over that than the whole trans thing put together??? Him not loving or caring about me??!!?
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 07, 2017, 12:09:15 AM
God why am I crying more over that than the whole trans thing put together??? Him not loving or caring about me??!!?
Because whatever those feelings may be, you do have feelings for him so that is normal. Just remember not to lose sight of your own well being while focusing on him and what he thinks about you! Many people here will tell you they spent a lot of their life worrying about how others would view them at their own expense, and the end result isn't pretty.
Quote from: Roll on November 07, 2017, 08:13:39 AM
Because whatever those feelings may be, you do have feelings for him so that is normal. Just remember not to lose sight of your own well being while focusing on him and what he thinks about you! Many people here will tell you they spent a lot of their life worrying about how others would view them at their own expense, and the end result isn't pretty.
I know you and everyone believe a lot of this is my OCD. But I asked him or texted him....that if I ended up being a trans person would you care about me or love me? And he has not responded......so now I am scared.....I am more scared of what he will say to me when I see him next.....and that is setting my anxiety off a little.....even if I do have feelings for him....all of this other stuff is getting in the way :(
Now I dont even know if I just got some confirmation but....he has not once said he would love me or care about me if I ended up being trans..and now all I am doing is crying......I am crying more over that then being or nor trans itself...
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 07, 2017, 10:24:37 AM
I know you and everyone believe a lot of this is my OCD. But I asked him or texted him....that if I ended up being a trans person would you care about me or love me? And he has not responded......so now I am scared.....I am more scared of what he will say to me when I see him next.....and that is setting my anxiety off a little.....even if I do have feelings for him....all of this other stuff is getting in the way :(
Well... Regardless of whether or not you actually are trans, if he is the sort of person who wouldn't care about you because you even
might be trans, is he the sort of person you really want in your life? I know that you can't always help who you have feelings for, but it is something to keep in mind, as you deserve someone who will support you, particularly over issues of such dire need.
And I should say, it's not that I or others believe this is entirely OCD, but rather that we don't have the knowledge or right to make that assumption, and that it is on you and your therapist to figure out for certain. The issue is more that in order to properly work through if you are transgender or if it is just an anxiety driven obsession, you have to work on getting your OCD enough in check to make that judgment for yourself. OCD is a barrier to comprehensive, rational thought, and you deserve to find your answer free of its control so that you can be confident of it for the future. :)
Quote from: Roll on November 07, 2017, 11:17:12 AM
Well... Regardless of whether or not you actually are trans, if he is the sort of person who wouldn't care about you because you even might be trans, is he the sort of person you really want in your life? I know that you can't always help who you have feelings for, but it is something to keep in mind, as you deserve someone who will support you, particularly over issues of such dire need.
And I should say, it's not that I or others believe this is entirely OCD, but rather that we don't have the knowledge or right to make that assumption, and that it is on you and your therapist to figure out for certain. The issue is more that in order to properly work through if you are transgender or if it is just an anxiety driven obsession, you have to work on getting your OCD enough in check to make that judgment for yourself. OCD is a barrier to comprehensive, rational thought, and you deserve to find your answer free of its control so that you can be confident of it for the future. :)
I wish I could get why I am crying more over this than the thoughts and feelings of me being gay or bi or trans etc. Like....
I just wish I could understand who i am.....even a year ago I didnt have anxiety of my gender....yes I have always felt self conscious about my boobs but......its not as far as I know been in the fact of getting rid of them....and I have just always known biologically I am a girl.....but I have not really ever had any problems with it. I mean yes periods are a huge pain in the ass but....I have not wanted to as far as I know get rid of my vagina.....I know I present myself more masculine than my sister but I do like to wear makeup every now and then.....and honestly the things I would be self conscious about would be my acne when it was really bad.....Like I would honestly want to get rid of it so badly.....and just having very hairy eyebrows and how wispy they get. Every time I would wax my eyebrows.....I would feel less self conscious....
I just feel like at this point things have just not gone well....me trying to figure out if I love him even if everyone in my life says I do. Dealing with if I am trans or not.....if I love my parents etc...
Have faith in yourself you will find your answers! These are all individually overwhelming questions, and it is all too natural to let things of such magnitude weigh on us more than we should, but if you stick in there with it particularly in therapy, you will hopefully find what you are trying to figure out.
I know my family and friends say I am a good person. Idk why my heart is not capable of love.? And if it is why it does not feel it.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 08, 2017, 09:29:23 PM
I know my family and friends say I am a good person. Idk why my heart is not capable of love.? And if it is why it does not feel it.
Love can be tricky to recognize. When we feel something as simple as love for parents all the time, it turns into background noise, that sometimes takes a bit of a jolt to stand out again for us to be able to say "ohhh yeah, that's how I feel".
Remember as well, most of the issues you describe are the exact opposite of not being capable of love, and are signs that if anything you feel too much. It is common for us to wall ourselves off from emotion as a defense mechanism, giving us the impression (or those around us) that we don't care, when in fact it's just that we care so much we can't handle it in a rational manner without that buffer.
I definitely feel an arousal towards him...
One thing I noticed today.....I had a thought of to when he and I were together....he and I were being intimate...and he asked me if it was too soon for sex. Today I had this thought in my head and I immediately got a jump in my chest and aroused...
I'm sorry everyone. I am trying my best. I just wish I knew if I love him. Reading stuff out loud I write to myself about possibly loving him I cry. But when I think about being trans I dont cry at all. And IDK if this is TMI but, when he and I were together last year.....we were being really intimate....like close to sex intimate....and he asked me if it was too soon for sex.....I have thought about this moment sometimes and I get this jump in my heart/chest and I get aroused...idk if this means I want to have sex with him or what but......I know I have never been disgusted or annoyed with being a girl and I also know I have not really ever wished to become a boy...*hugs*
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 12, 2017, 12:05:15 AM
............................I have thought about this moment sometimes and I get this jump in my heart/chest and I get aroused...idk if this means I want to have sex with him or what but......I know I have never been disgusted or annoyed with being a girl and I also know I have not really ever wished to become a boy...*hugs*
I definitely think you have feelings for him, otherwise I doubt you would react in the way you do... :D
What I seriously hate.....is the fact that.....as far as I know....I never questioned who I was/am gender wise. I never felt self conscious about myself as a female except my periods being irregular and my chest size being two different sizes. But now.....with this man in my life.....it just really sucks because....every time or most of the time I read out loud stuff I write about me loving him and the stuff I love....and almost every time I read it.....I cry.....and its like....is all of this questioning standing in my way of falling in love with him again or even falling in love with him....because he has been the one thing in my life who I have cried over....when he and I broke up I broke down crying despite the fact of my questioning....when he and I's friendship broke down or was off.....I broke down crying again.....and broke down crying days after that.....and he arouses me.....like.....when he and I really hug I sometimes feel it....when he holds my hand I feel it somehow.....when he messes with me at work I have moments of me feeling it.....and something I know is that....anime....is the one thing or one of the things in my life that I feel so much euphoria towards....I could honestly go on about it for hours...but the whole questioning of me and me love for him and my sexuality and my gender.....has not caused me euphoria....but stress and sadness...
Does he know you feel so strongly about him?
Quote from: Roll on November 12, 2017, 11:54:47 PM
Does he know you feel so strongly about him?
What do you mean I feel so strongly about him?
Yes, is it something he is aware of?
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 12:08:56 AM
Yes, is it something he is aware of?
No I am asking you what do you mean me feeling so strongly for?? I dont even now if I have fallen in love with him.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 13, 2017, 12:11:19 AM
No I am asking you what do you mean me feeling so strongly for?? I dont even now if I have fallen in love with him.
I don't mean to say that you are in love with him, but you clearly feel strongly about him regardless--that doesn't have to be love necessarily. He seems to be your major focus right now, eliciting tears when other things aren't. Or is that you think you are focusing on him so you don't have to deal with feelings about the other issues you've mentioned? (Just trying to get a better picture of the situation with him, and with your feelings I guess.)
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 12:13:49 AM
I don't mean to say that you are in love with him, but you clearly feel strongly about him regardless--that doesn't have to be love necessarily. He seems to be your major focus right now, eliciting tears when other things aren't. Or is that you think you are focusing on him so you don't have to deal with feelings about the other issues you've mentioned? (Just trying to get a better picture of the situation with him, and with your feelings I guess.)
Oh no I am still dealing with the other situations......figuring out my feelings for him is completely a different subject....I dont cry over other men....I basically ignore other guys in the real world...this is my with him trying to know if I love him...many people in my life even him believe I do love him.
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 12:13:49 AM
I don't mean to say that you are in love with him, but you clearly feel strongly about him regardless--that doesn't have to be love necessarily. He seems to be your major focus right now, eliciting tears when other things aren't. Or is that you think you are focusing on him so you don't have to deal with feelings about the other issues you've mentioned? (Just trying to get a better picture of the situation with him, and with your feelings I guess.)
I have been dealing with if I love him for more than a year now.
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 13, 2017, 12:25:00 AM
I have been dealing with if I love him for more than a year now.
Is he still in your life at all? You mentioned something about breaking up and then no longer being friends?
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 12:29:51 AM
Is he still in your life at all? You mentioned something about breaking up and then no longer being friends?
Yes he and i work together
It's just really frustrating......I listen to Amazed by Lone Star and I cry sometimes. I read out loud how much I want to fall in love with him or why or how can I not fall in love with him and he is just so amazing. IDK if it is my medicine but....he is the one person in my life who I genuinely laugh with. I just miss being happy. I miss being a weirdo. *hugs* I have listened to A Thousand Years by Christina Perri and I cry when I look at a picture of he and I together.
Maybe I am just crazy
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 14, 2017, 08:39:15 PM
Maybe I am just crazy
It's not crazy to not understand everything, everyone's been there. Questioning our feelings, our motivations, or just everything in general is extremely normal. It can be difficult to figure things out, and it can make you feel crazy trying to make sense of it all. And sometimes, we don't ever find an answer, or at least not the answer we were looking for. (The people of this forum know that feeling more than most I'd wager.)
Just keep working through it. If you get hung up on things with OCD and stuck a bit longer than you'd like, well, that's just an unfortunate reality we have to deal with at times dealing with being OCD. But you will find your way out of that maze eventually.
Quote from: Roll on November 14, 2017, 10:24:55 PM
It's not crazy to not understand everything, everyone's been there. Questioning our feelings, our motivations, or just everything in general is extremely normal. It can be difficult to figure things out, and it can make you feel crazy trying to make sense of it all. And sometimes, we don't ever find an answer, or at least not the answer we were looking for. (The people of this forum know that feeling more than most I'd wager.)
Just keep working through it. If you get hung up on things with OCD and stuck a bit longer than you'd like, well, that's just an unfortunate reality we have to deal with at times dealing with being OCD. But you will find your way out of that maze eventually.
You know whats sad. I read out loud the card he gave me the day he wanted to get back together with me last year.....and I cried reading it...
Quote from: Roll on November 14, 2017, 10:24:55 PM
It's not crazy to not understand everything, everyone's been there. Questioning our feelings, our motivations, or just everything in general is extremely normal. It can be difficult to figure things out, and it can make you feel crazy trying to make sense of it all. And sometimes, we don't ever find an answer, or at least not the answer we were looking for. (The people of this forum know that feeling more than most I'd wager.)
Just keep working through it. If you get hung up on things with OCD and stuck a bit longer than you'd like, well, that's just an unfortunate reality we have to deal with at times dealing with being OCD. But you will find your way out of that maze eventually.
I feel as if I may have feelings for him. But with everything going on.....it's like my heart won't let me feel it??
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 14, 2017, 11:26:09 PM
I feel as if I may have feelings for him. But with everything going on.....it's like my heart won't let me feel it??
You may just not be ready to deal with a deeper relationship with everything else, which makes perfect sense and is a very healthy approach.
Quote from: Roll on November 14, 2017, 11:48:59 PM
You may just not be ready to deal with a deeper relationship with everything else, which makes perfect sense and is a very healthy approach.
what do you mean a deeper relationship with everything else?
A deeper relationship (with him), while dealing with everything else.
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2017, 12:15:10 AM
A deeper relationship (with him), while dealing with everything else.
I guess i just wonder how I can have a deeper relationship with him when all I am questioning is if I am gay, bi, trans, etc. If I was not worrying about all of this then I think I would have been with him by now. And also my questioning of my feelings for him too..
Does anyone here believe I do love him?
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 15, 2017, 10:31:44 PM
Does anyone here believe I do love him?
That isn't something that anyone else can decide for you, though it definitely sounds like a possibility.
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2017, 11:28:54 PM
That isn't something that anyone else can decide for you, though it definitely sounds like a possibility.
No I get that factor.....I know someone can decide if you love someone but yourself....but I just mean other people's perspectives...
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2017, 11:28:54 PM
That isn't something that anyone else can decide for you, though it definitely sounds like a possibility.
I guess all of this ties in with if I am really gay/bi/trans. And then knowing my feelings for him. Seeing other people's perspectives and what they think of me.
Not to be transphobic at all....but at work today I had a customer who I believe is transgender.....and idk for some reason I had this uncomfortable feeling....*hugs*
Quote from: BJ0909 on November 17, 2017, 05:41:06 PM
Not to be transphobic at all....but at work today I had a customer who I believe is transgender.....and idk for some reason I had this uncomfortable feeling....*hugs*
It doesn't necessarily mean you are transphobic just to feel uncomfortable in that situation, at least not externally so. It ultimately depends on why you felt uncomfortable, and that sounds like something to explore with your therapist.
Quote from: Roll on November 17, 2017, 07:13:00 PM
It doesn't necessarily mean you are transphobic just to feel uncomfortable in that situation, at least not externally so. It ultimately depends on why you felt uncomfortable, and that sounds like something to explore with your therapist.
You know what is so sad. I have barely cried at ALL about everything related to trans. And yet......I read out loud this card my guy gave me last year when he wanted to get back with me and I cried about it.....A YEAR LATER! I read out loud writings I do to him and myself......I do get scared he would not love me anymore if I was trans.......but.....just recently I write about remembering when he first gave me a flower romantically before....and I remember every detail.....I feel as if I do love him......but its like......my heart won't let me express it or feel it?? I get aroused when thinking about him asking me if its too soon for sex....or I did...unless stress has taken that way....All I want is to be myself again.....be happy....be the happy dork I was once before all of this started...
I cry more about wondering if I have fallen in love with him more than being trans.....when my therapist mentioned she had connections if I was trans just made me more nervous than happy. And the whole situation today with the customer did make me feel uncomfortable and nervous...
I am sorry. All I want to do and know is the love I feel in my heart for him.
At this point IDK what is OCD and what isnt anymore.